Today "It's Always Something" is one year old!!

Yeyyyy for me.!!

I have never stuck to one project for a whole year, I must really like doing this.

I would like to thank Mary Lou for getting me started on this journey, I think she was the first person to read my blog, and it gave me the confidence to go on. She tried very hard to answer all my "newbie" questions and I very much appreciated her help. I think Sally was the the second person to comment, thanks Sally!! And then there was Scarlett, who gave me a crash course in html (which never took, by the way)..and Tara my Saskatchewan friend who helped me muddle through sidebar problems. Thanks!! A special thanks goes to Special K, who took the time to recommend my blog to her readers!

When you are brand new to the scene, and you notice someone is reading something you wrote, it's like Christmas!! The best present evar!!

And to all the rest of you...you know who you are, thank you so much for taking the time to stop in and put up with my crap. Hopefully, in the new year I will be able to come up with something a little more substantial.

Mind you, my dog hates all of you, because I spend way to much time blogging and not enough time walking!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EACH OF YOU...AND ALL THE BEST IN THE COMING YEAR!!

Yours truly,

balonie

Pot-Head speaks

I had an urgent request for advise from a blogger:

Dear Pot-Head,

My left thumb won't bend without instense pain, my knees creak and lock up on me, my back pains me turrible, my legs ache, I pee on myself when I laugh too hard while reading Joan's blog, does this mean I'm getting old and onary? Will I grow out of this?

Respectfully,

Over the Hill and having to climb down the other side

Dear Over the Hill etc.

I am so happy that you requested advise to a problem that can be totally resolved with drugs, after all that is my expertise.... And so "grasshopper" I will kindly ask you to relax .. and take a pill...HO HO..no no Pot-Head is only joking!! From what I see your problems go much deeper than that, and I must summon some of Pot Head spirits for a consultation.

Okay then, spirits have been partaken of, and I can get down to your problems.

#1.) You say, you left thumb in not bendy, and causes you much pain? My only recommendation, would be "NO MORE HITCHHIKING"...leave that to Pot-Head's hippy friends. You my friend have "Carpal Thumb Syndrome, which was very prevelent in the 70's. My only suggestion is to get your truck fixed so you will be able to ride to your destination in comfort, and your thumb will get a chance to heal. In the time being, bathe it in Epsom salts, and take two aspirin with diet 7-up. No point in it getting fat.

#2.) Blogger, you have a lot of questions for the pot-head, you know of course I take Pay Pal once you go over four. Just a friendly reminder. I know the American Medical System "she is a bitch" and you have to use all the free advise you can get. So on to question #2. My knees creak and lock up on me. Blogger, blogger, blogger, that is why God made WD-40. Go to your nearest hardware store and pick up a can. I would however caution you to use it with some discretion. My advise to you would be to squirt it behind your knee caps twice a day. However, and I must repeat "however" this product might turn on the male species. A little WD-40 goes a long way...yaknowhatimean?? Don't say pot-head didn't warn ya.

#3.) Your back pains you turrible....well get off of it for change!! Backs were made for sittin...not layin about all day complaining!! Reminder...pot-head only calls like he/she see's it.

#4) Peeing yourself is normal, if you are on the toilet, but once off I would hazard a guess that you should not be laughing in all the wrong places. A adult diaper may be in order, this of course could cause some embarrassment on your part, and should only be used in the privacy of you and your computer. A remedy I may suggest to alleviate the problem would be drinking a cup of Turpentine with your evening meal. Turpentine is an old remedy my father used to use, to cleanse the blood. It is also useful for removing paint, therefore, making it a very useful product.

And to sum it up blogger, no you are not getting old and onary, you have been that way forever...so get over it.

Disclaimer: The advise given by Pot-Head are not necessarily the views of the owner of the blog.

I am fussing and mussing.. and I blew the house down

I have spent the entire day fussing with my blog. I am bound and determined on figuring out how the html works. But determination was won out by pure stupidity. I settled for a little Happy New Years tag on top. THEN, I had to put two of the same on top and the little one underneath, because if there wasn't two big ones up there, the little sat right next to the big one and looked stupid, just like me. I'm growling like a big mad dog!! I know that makes no sense.

Today was the day I was going to put Windows Messenger back on my computer, but failed miserably again, I hate the NET PASSPORT caaaarap!! Eventually it just kept on telling me that I had another session or something else running and wouldn't do anything...so I blew it off. Then I remembered Jaye was telling me to try AIM...well lordybe, it works like a charm. So far. I sent IM's to myself for over half an hour, I had a very good time. It's always nice to hold an intellegent conversation with someone. It went something like this:

mizbalonie: Hi Joan!! ...what's shaking?
mizbalonie: Not too much, I severed my small toe with a shovel, but other than that it's been good.
mizbalonie: Hey, sorry to hear that, hope you didn't bend the shovel HAR HAR
mizbalonie: Don't worry, it's all cool, just a small trip the ER, bandages and stuff, but the good news is they found the toe in a snowbank, and reattached it.
mizbalonie: Boo, I was just thinking it would be less work with 4 toes, one less to take the toe jam out of ..HAR HAR
mizbalonie: I'm thinking you should start writing the "Pot-head" for some advise, seems to me you are a little too laid back...and your people skills need a touch-up..yaknowhatimean?
mizbalonie: Hey, someone's knocking on the door, I gotta go ...later
mizbalonie: Yeah, later. Dink.

That wasn't so bad, nothing wrong with keeping touch with yourself.

My morning cartoon

Let's just say..I got no more jam...

This was before anyone got here. Notice my Festivas tree on the left.


No mo jam..none. I don't ever remember being so tired. All those people sucked the life juice right out of my belly button...all 17 of you, and you know who you are! I swear to God, next year, I am ordering in the KFC Christmas Family Dinner Special, remind me if I get crazy and start cooking again next year. I have to admit the rib roast was so tender and juicy, it would make a grown man cry.. or maybe hump it. It was very good, along with the baked taters, sour cream, bacon bits, hot barbecued beans, crunchy Chinese coleslaw, Caesar Salad, and 4 cheese garlic toast. Dessert was Red Velvet Cake and Cheesecake. To my little elves, thanks again for your help in preparing some of the dishes and doing some of the dishes!

It was also a lot of fun watching 6 children tearing into prezzies and especially to the six year old who brought her new digi camera with her, and permanently blinded all us old folks. I found my retina's on the floor after everyone left.

I especially liked this little critter.




She is the sweetest little monkey I evar did see. What was best...no crying she did make!! All smiles and giggles. She was so quite her mother almost forgot her when she was parading her other two kids out the door. Scared me a bit, I almost had a maternal instinct and wanted to pick her up!! The other kids dragged her around the whole night, and she was all smiles!! I think I am in love.

Some of my tiredness could be blamed on me. Yes, I will take some responsibility for buying a "new" sweater for the occasion. Why, you may ask, would you wear a nice heavy sweater whilst preparing a hot meal in a hot kitchen? My answer would be, I am a dumbass for the loveofaribroast~~

Here she is without the help of my ample body in her



Notice, the scarf that came with her for free..as an added WalMart bonus. She was a warm sweater, that needed to be out in the ice and snow, and the scarf was probably designed to keep the chill of the Manitoba fucking freezing winds off your necktal region. It was only when I was into hour two of the party, that I realized that something about this sweater was totaling pissing me off. The SCARF, kept hooking onto everything I touched. I didn't remove it, because I thought I was pretty hot looking in my new sweater with added free scarf...until it became a fire hazard


Nothing smells better than polyester and rib roast baking in the oven.



Later, I was heating something up in the microwave and it got caught up again!!



Jeez Louise...how embarrassing!!



Did you notice my new sidebar? Fire away my friends, tell Pot-head all yer troubles and he/she will solve them for you. Dave was going to help me out on the help line, but apparently Dave's not here...so the rest of my staff (if I can wake them up) will answer any questions you have with your love life, your family life, or just stupid questions in general. The best part is, that this service is free of charge, and no representative will call your home and steal your stash. Nope, we are an reputable company and only hire the biggest and best dopes.

My girlfriend Janis, found my blog on google last week. I don't know how I feel about that. I haven't given it to anyone I know. It feels kind of funny, as this was my personal piece of the pie. I feel a little uncomfortable about sharing what I might feel on here, and not sharing it with her in person. I tend to get stuff bottled up when I talk to people face to face. So, Janis if are reading this ...you are such a bitch LOL....that should do it...she is gone! Just kidding. You are my bestest and oldest (and I mean old) hippy friend!! Love you.

Merry Christmas to one and all!!!

Well all the hoopla is just about over. Tomorrow we have Gord's family over and then it's done. AND I HAVE THE REST OF THE WEEK TO MYSELF!!

Let's just start off by saying, I got a toaster for Christmas. Shut-up, I can hear you laughing from here! Hey, I asked for this toaster, it's more than a toaster, it's a work of art. Very stylish and sleek, it belongs on a smart granite countertop not on my phony butcher block one, but it is very cool. I had to laugh at the instructions, it said "do not use toaster if it is lying on its side." I can't see why not, it would be just that much easier .. when it pops out, just have your plate laying there, waaalaaa!! Maybe I could train it to jump in the butter bowl...yup just another time saver!!

There was no laptop under the tree for me however, blah..but I knew that was a selfish wish. Maybe next year.



I also got the thickest most fluffy, real sheepskin car seat cover for the big horking van. I'm always complaining that the leather seats are so cold in winter, and I put an old sweater over the seat to keep my tush from freezing. Now, me bum will be toasty warm. Did you notice there is a "toast" theme to all my gifts? Our wonderful neighbor's dropped in here and there all day, dropping off little gifts. I have huge pans of homemade baking and two bottles of wine. There is everything imaginable in baking trays!! Another neighbor left a card and a bottle of rum hanging on the door knob outside. Then our neighbor's right next door brought over and box of Wurthers candy. On Friday, the owners of the little Greek restaurant we frequent at work, brought over and tin of Greek delicacies. And, then one of Gord's tenants gave us a box of chocolates plus a 50.00 gift certificate from Tony Roma's...YES!! It's very nice to have such caring and kind friends and neighbor's.



Poor Penny, I put her toys in her stocking last night, and she caught me! She stayed downstairs and lay under the Christmas tree all night. She wouldn't even go for a whizz!! She wanted her stocking!!!


This morning when we were opening prezzies, she finally got her stocking...she was the happiest pooch in the world when she saw it coming down. I left one toy in it just to drive her wild, I shouldn't have because she ate the tassel off the hat on the mouse type stocking.



I made bacon, eggs and pancakes for breakfast, and after that we sort of fell in a trance and vegged out. I was going to try to get ahead of the game and get prepared for tomorrow, but I had no juice left. So, I'll be off to the races tomorrow, cleaning, and cooking. I will have a lot of help tho, because everyone is bringing something. I am having a cow roast. Gord bought the biggest rib roast in the entire world. I was very surprised to see it came without legs. I now own a dead heifer. I was going to name it, because it had possibilities of being a pet, other than the fact it was deceased, but I didn't want to get too attached to "Daisy."

I even got a Christmas call from Ms. Special K! She is bound and determined to try to eat 700 lbs. of food in one sitting. I sure would like to see how much of that she gets on her frontal region. Thanks for calling Kat...it made my day!!

I am going to try to put windows messenger on this dismal piece of shit I call a computer. For some reason, I have problems with IM programs. My SIL said she would see what the problem is tomorrow.

I bought a small turkey for the two of us tonight, and it smells really good. I haven't named her either, due the attachment problem I have, but Dolores is one fine smellin bird.

I'm laughing at Gord. He cannot stand doing nothing at all. He tried several times today to get out of the house, but I caught his little feeble excuses and nipped them in the bud. So, he decided to sleep the day away. So much the better, because we don't work as a team. I'll bet he will be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow raring to get the H E double toothpicks atta here!!

This was our first Christmas experience with rain. Yes, it rained on Christmas eve. There is something evil lurking, this has never happened. All the snow has now turned into a huge pile of ice.

Time for me to go....but first I would like to wish all of you who drop into my humble abode, and very Merry Christmas, and a wonderful new year. It's been a great pleasure for me to meet all of you, and participate in the highs, lows or just the day to day stuff that happens in our daily lives. In enjoy reading your blogs, even though sometimes I am a little remiss due to time constraints.

Be well!

Joan

Mood has much improved

All it took was my boss telling me I HAVE THE WHOLE WEEK OFF NEXT WEEK!!!! If he wouldn't be such a Holy righteous Mennonite, I would have kissed him on the lips!! Lucky for him he was about 10 feet from me. Yes, he is lucky. BECAUSE, if I would have had to work, I would have ...hmmmm..gone in and worked, wuss that I am. I have no guts. HA!

So, after all the hoopla is over, I will get out that book I haven't finished (or did I bring it back to the library already)? I will finish my crocheting ( or did I unravel it already?) Yesterday was all about ME..poor poor me. I am an arsehole. I have so much to be thankful for. I feel the stress leaving me, I can kick back after boxing day and do sweet fart all!!! until after New Years...I am so happy.

I was even singing to Penny in the backyard as we were having playtime. I sang Jingle Bell Rock. It stopped her in her tracks a few times when I hit a note that didn't exist, but we had a good time. The weather here has been so mild, it was even raining today!!

I have a Christmas game for y'all to play"

http://members.aol.com/frogiearno/dearsanta.htm

It was pretty cool, but you have to remember your adjectives and adverbs...I had to think for awhile because me brain didn't register them after being outta school so long. That is probably very obvious in my blog. I don't pay much attention to those kinda things. A great writer I will never be.

Well, with my new "attitude adjustment" today, I will leave you and apologize to my husband who just came home. I have made his life interesting these last few days!! He has the "deer in the headlights" look about him lately, and doesn't know what to expect when he gets home. It's a damn good thing he never married a chick with super PMS or bad menopausal tendencies....he would be so confused.

I'm not in a writie mood tonight, just thought I would post some of my fav pics of Christmas. These are only some that I have retrieved since I lost all my stuff on my computer last year at this time.

Christmas is a coming, and I can't for the love of me get going on it. I feel like I am betraying someone, I don't know who. I just feel tired and I wanna go to bed, and make it all go away. Even the pictures aren't doing it for me this year. What the hell is wrong with me? I know I need some time off, just for me. No constant pressure of work and home. And you know, when I actually have a day off with nothing pressing to do, I have no idea what to do. My mind darts here and there, I have a little time to do something I love.....but I don't do anything! I am overwhelmed. This free time doesn't happen very often, and I know full well I will not have time to carry out anything. I will have to go back to work the next day....and put that book down, scrap the scrapbooking project I started, and put down one of the hundred crocheting afghans I have started.

As I was leaving Safeway today, one of my fav cashiers, greeted me and she said, "are you as tired as I am?" (she is about my age) And I weakly answered, "yes", ... and to make me feel better, she said..."well, no wonder, with all our stress, we will be either have a stroke or cancer." So, my mood driving home was a little gloomy, and it hasn't let up yet.

It's probably just the pre-Christmas blues...yes, thats it!! I will feel much better on boxing day when 17 relatives hit my house wanting food, gifts and beverages....nevermind, I'll get over it.


The first few pics are of my nieces trip to Falcon Lake last winter.

Sweet smells of Christmas

Well, my Penis Plant as Ms. Special K puts it, now has a head on it as big as Mount Peacock. Mount Peacock is a hill Gord made all by his little self in our Cul de sac. More of that later. Anyhow, this plant has 8 buds now, and they cluster in 4's. The cluster is massive. It's a cluster *f* if I do say so myself. I wasn't going to swear, in the spirit of Christmas, so I have done the next best thing and alluded to swearing.

I wanted to my house smell sweet today, so I thought I would try Ms. Special K's recipe for, well, making the bad smells go away...so I took me out about 10 balls of allspice, threw in half a lemon, boiled it up and let er simmer!! Smells pretty good. Eventually it started to smell kinda strong of cloves, so I added some cinnamon to the fray, and it smells yummy. Ten bucks says, I leave it simmering on the stove overnight and burn down the house. Soooo, to protect myself I put part of it in my potpourri burner. Now I have enough for the whole season. I was thinking of throwing some pine needles in it from my Christmas tree. I will try that tomorrow.

Getting back to Mount Peacock..(Peacock is the name of our street, I didn't just make that up to be dirty). Anywho, Gord has been taking all the snow from our driveway and putting in the centre of the Cul de sac. and it's getting pretty big because the friggin City cannot be bothered cleaning our street! So far our neighbours have not complained, and kids are loving it because they can slide on it, but I want to see the faces of the snowplow dudes, when they see Mount Peacock. If it wasn't so dark out there I would take a pic.

I'm getting closer to getting all my Yuletide business done. Still haven't got anything for Gord!! I was thinking of getting him a real motorcycle jacket, not the old fart kind he wears now, but that is something personal he will have to do himself, I don't know what kind he would like. So, instead I'm getting him a cell phone holder. Do you know, how many times he has dropped his phone out his shirt pocket? Why, you must wonder is he putting it in his "handyman" shirt pocket? Because it always falls out of the cell phone holder which is attached to his favorite belt on his pants. That belt has to be 576 years old. He loves that belt, because it never shows that he has gained weight. Everytime I tell him he has to loose weight, he says " WELL, I haven't moved the notch in my belt for 40 years." No, he hasn't because the belt has streched to such proportions that it broke on Sunday. He was devastated. Now, I will get him a new belt, a cell phone holder, some new gautch, jeans that don't have his asshole riding down to his knees, and a very smart shirt (without the pencil, cell phone holder pockets that drag him down). He will thank me. As it is right now, he has so much stuff in his shirt pockets, he could tip at any time. Maybe I should add a backpack. Ya think?

It's smelling kinda funky in here. It's a cross between cloves, the mushroom meatballs I am making and and an old ladies crotch...whewwwwwww.. it's a might strong.

BTW, I solved my Christmas Tree problem. I was saying earlier it looked so bland and all. Well, I FORGOT THE TINSEL!! How stupid am I? Now she's a real Christmas tree, sweet smelling and sparkling.

You knew this was coming

Mommy's little Rudolf





Begging to "stop" with the hats



I've had enough of this shitz..


Nothing funnier than dressing up your pets at Christmas. It cost me about a bag of Begging Strips to make her do stuff!!

Wow, it seems forever since I last posted. We had our annual Employee Christmas Party last night. I'm not much of a social butterfly, so these kinda things make me very tense. It wasn't a huge thing, but it still makes me nervous. We had a room booked at Tony Roma's for our group of about 20 or so. The food was wonderful, and we got to sit with my fav electricians from the office, so we pretty much kept to ourselves. My bosses are very nice people, but different because they have morals, I don't LOL... Just kidding. They are very family oriented, and fairly religious, so you have watch your P's and Q's, around them. But, that what sets our company apart from most Electrical Contractors is that are a family owned company, and we do quality work, and backup our work up without question. That doesn't happen too much nowaday. So, they are a good bunch.

I had a surprise at the dinner as well. I was presented with a "Gold Watch"...with lots a bling around the face of it!!! ..for 10 years of excellent service to the company!! yeahhhh me. It was even engraved. I was so impressed. It must weigh a pound, lord it is heavy. Just two weeks ago my boss and I were on uncertain terms, and on Friday I got the watch... PLUS... I got a $100.00 bonus check..yup, a hundred smackeroo's. And get this, with a letter from him, telling me of the good work I do, even in situations that are sometimes above and beyond the call of duty. I think is alluding to his little pickyness these last few weeks. Anywho, it worked, now I will go back for more!!

I had another surprise on Thursday, whilst I was making dinner, the doorbell rang, and the dog went ballistic (no surprise there) and I rushed down to the door see what was the matter. What was the meaning of all this clatter? Was it Santa? Did he have his boots on the wrong feet, and forgot what day it was?....nope it was a guy from the florist shop...with the hugest plant I have ever seen. HUGE I SAY. I took the plant in and ripped off the paper as fast as I could, and what to my wondering eyes did appear? The hugest Amaryliss plant you ever did see! The flowers are as big as a horses face. They are blood red and measure at least 6 inches across, and there are 5 buds coming!! I took a few pictures on Sat. which I will post, but they are even bigger today. I am afraid to go to sleep.

When my mom was alive, we always had Amaryliss contests at Christmas time. We would start them in late November and by Christmas time they would be grand. Hers were always better than mine, because I have no "green" in my thumb, but it was always so much fun.

My cousin Linda who recently moved to Qualicum Beach, in British Colombia sent it to me in appreciation of what I do with our Schroeder Family Newsletter. This is her first year away from family in Manitoba, and I think she appreciates news from home much more now. The first year away, will probably be the most lonely. They have a beautiful home there, and I am sure they will adjust. They damn well better, she is only a year older than me and she is retired and living in lotus land fertheloveof mike!


She's a beaut! The picture doesn't even do it justice.

We have had 4 days of snow. So, the Mr. is out with his "snowblade" attached to our little Bronco, plowing...yes plowboy rides again! People bow to him on the streets in hope that he will dig out their driveway. One should never give him so many accolades, because his next move would be to buy a Snow Grader, and that would not be a good thing. NO. Not at all.

Got most of my shopping done on Friday night. One stop shopping I call it. I can't park "the hugest van in the world" in any shopping centre, with the Xmas rush, so I opted out and went to Shoppers Drug Mart, right beside my Safeway, and found wonderful presents for all the people on my list!! I couldn't believe it. Who knew they didn't only sell drugs!! The prezzies were mostly for the kids in the family, and I got some other stuff on Saturday for adults in another local store.............so to the MALL'S..you can kiss my hairy ass!! Now, if the mall's would have handicap parking and big horking van parking, I may have reconsidered where I would spent my money, all $100.00 bucks!! HA

I sure wish Andie Pandie would send me some cookays...I haven't had time to make anything at all, and I'm sure work will be so busy next week until Friday. I only got my Christmas cards written up on Saturday morning, and went to the post office and realized I didn't have a penny in my purse to buy stamps..nada. Fudge. Gord said they would have taken Interact, but I didn't see the sign. Anyway, they are going out tomorrow, bydamit.

My meatloaf is a'calling. Gotta fly.

Look who I found in my waterbed this morning!!

ANGEL MAN!!..

Because I was so sleep deprived the other night, I thought he wasn't real. But, before you knew it, he was talking to me. I couldn't understand what he was saying, so I asked him what language he was speaking. He said "Angelish"..."oh I replied", "is that sort of like Anglish"? "Yes, he said", whilst flexing his muscles. So I said, "who gives a shit"... come here big boy .."just don't wake me from my dream".

..........that stinking balonie got in here again. Fowl mouthed little tart.

Nevermind, I'm back in the drivers seat.


I was thinking about Christmas's past a bit this afternoon, when a blogger mentioned that he was cutting back on his Christmas presents to his kids because he thought that in a year or so they would not remember it anyway...or it was broken etc. So, I started thinking back.

I remember getting my first doll, I must have been about 4 years old. She was made of wood, and had "hair." I called her "Dolly." She had hair and that was very important to me, because I loved dolls with hair. My mom had made her a blue "nubbly" kind of winter coat, a few dresses and an apron. She had little white shoes, that came off! I loved her, and I remember her today. I played with her that year, until the paint peeled off her rosy cheeks, and unfortunately, I cut her hair. Well, you see I loved the cutting of the hair, and made a few minor changes to her "look." I took her everywhere, she never left my side. By this time I had scalped Dolly several times, but mom always glued her wig hair back on.

When Christmas came around next year, my mom must of thought that I would like another doll, because Dolly had pretty well been put throught the wringer, so to speak.

Christmas morning came around, and there was this huge doll under the tree, in a box. She had golden hair, lips like cherries, and a beautifull while lace dress. I was awestruck. But didn't run up to the doll and throw myself at the box and open it up. As my mother told me years later, I went into the bedroom and cried. Here she thought she had got me the perfect doll, and I was in tears!! As she told me later, she went into the bedroom and asked me what was wrong, I tearfully told her, I wanted my old doll back. She told me you still have your old doll. NO, I said, if Santa gives me a new doll he takes the old doll back!! Mom said she showed me my old doll and Santa wouldn't take it back because it was still here!!

I actually remember going back into the living room and looking at the doll, not really believing that if I took her out of the box, my other one would not disappear. My mom helped me open it up. What I don't remember is when Mom told me that I hung on to my old doll for dear life in the living room. But, once it was opened and I got to see it, I crept up to it like a cat...I saw it had moving arms and legs, and a little teenie weenie bottle to feed the baby with. I put my old dolly down somewhat hesitantly, but with some encouragement by my parents I explored my new baby. But old and new Dolly were always together, I never let her go. Old dolly fell apart after years of doll abuse. My brother threw her in a tree, ran over her with his bicycle, and later set her on fire. Okay, he didn't set her on fire, lets just call it an incident. A lot of dolls came and went after that, but Dolly will always be my favourite.

Monday Mundane crap

I must have been very tired last night, I made some goofy spelling errors on my last blog entry. I bet I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. I woke up around 3:00 AM and I was still in the same position that I fell asleep in. I must have been curled up like a pretzel. I tried to get my arm from under the pillow, but it was fast asleep, with my wrist cranked over in a unnatural position. then I managed to get it out and let the blood start to flow again, but god did that hurt. My wrist is limp as a rag today. Then once I was a little more mobile, I turned over, and the dog who was hogging all the blankets, started to growl. HA!...she was sound alseep, but felt me tugging the blanket and wasn't happy. Tough shit. Hey, dog get out of the bed if you don't like me taking back my part of the blankies already. I have no idea how she manages to stay in the water bed at all, we don't have one of those new kind that have the baffles or whatever you call them, ours is the old style, vinyl and water .... you ride the waves when one of us turns over!! I never notice it, but the dog sure takes a few trips every night!! That is how Gord and I stay young, we surf!! And I am his little surfer girl!! DAMN I'm hot! Don't even try to picture this in your head, it's a sorry sight...if only it were true:)

I am still messing with my Christmas tree, it just doesn't seem glittery enough. It looks lovely in the evening, but in the day time it looks blah. I do this every year, up until Christmas...changing stuff, adding stuff. Somebody stop me. It's not that important. We have already blown a few breakers with all the outside lights, but now have that under control. Just look to the North...and you will see our house lit up in the sky!! Actually our house is tame compared to what other people do..we just have some lights draped over our bushes in front, and then some Vegas type lights over the garage..they are pretty cool. But other than that, it's really not much.

Off to bed I go...or should I say "surf"...zzzzzzzzz

Gettin Ready for the Jolly Guy

Looks like someone got here before I did. Below is what was supposed to be in here before she showed up. That damn balonie.


I bought my first ever "real" Christmas tree since we moved to this house. It has been about 25 years since the last time. She is a beauty...lets me tell you! She stands about 7 feets high, and has a perfect Angel pointy thing on top. The house smells of pinesol..no make that pine needles. Penny is scared of it. Little baby! She smelled it a few times, and I was just waiting for her to lift her gay leg, but a needle dropped and scared her off. Wussssss.

I got off work a little early on Friday, and dropped by the Christmas tree place just outside of Safeway. It was raining. Fudge. I had envisioned a nice snowy Christmasie experience when buying my tree. I had my big parka on, and put up my hood, and started trudging down the rows. They were all perfect. What's up with that? I was looking to score the best one out of the bunch. I guess they now grow the trees especially for Christmas, and they all look good. What ever happened to raping the forests, and doing mass cutting for us privelged folks here in the city at Christmas? I guess the good ole days are over. There isn't a Charlie Brown tree to be had. I know I could have gone out to one of those "cut your own tree down" farms, but at the risk of losing one of my limbs in the process, I opted out.

Everything is up, all the outside lights, the tree, the "village" of the damned, just saying that because I had a slight altercation with it. The phoney snow, would not co-operate with the phoney village and it's inhabitants. Finally I contacted the Mayor of Phoney Village (the Bergermeister) and demanded to know why my village houses were tipping to the left. Did they had a earthquake since last year, or were just a village of idiots?" The latter seemed to be the problem. Apparantley they are a very small village and all related to each other. It seems a lot of them are wearing their underwear as a hat. He suggested that I should just turn the lights off in the houses that were leaning, because there wasn't "anybody at home" anyway!!

What a big job this was, yeah I know..I say that every year and people of getting tired of me complaining, and I'm getting a little tired of it meself.

I took of few pics over the weekend...none which turned out very well...so



This is my mom's Christmas Cactus that I inherited, it only has a few blooms on it.



Someone had too much egg nog...Mr. Star has a problem.



Momma bird and baby birdies....I have had them on my tree for about 15 years. I loves them.


This little fella I have had since we were married. He is always front and centre on my tree. About 5 years ago, he broke his leg, but I set him in the tree anyway, you can't see it.

We had beautiful nice gentle snowfall today, and it was mild outside so it made putting up the outside lights fun.

I still have to do all my shopping, get my cards out...lord it never ends.

I got supper on the stove, I'm making a pot roast which is smelling devine.

Time to go and finish my laundry... and try to take the ugly look off my dogs face, since I haven't spent my every waking moment playing with her, god she is high maintenance! Which reminds me, I took a cute pic of her the other day..

Read at your own risk.

Oh Thursday night, how I love you. Friday is just around the bend.
My friend sent me a little funny I thought I would post:













Woman's Poem
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.

HA...it sort of looked like a "raisin" poem, but somehow it made balonie laugh, Joan wasn't too crazy about it. After all she is the one that has the common sense in the (personality) family, I'm the loser. I found another funny..hang on



She is nudging me and wants me to get off the computer, because she says I am crude and obnoxious..."hey lady"...you haven't seen anything yet.



















Hardee har har








Okay, now she's starting to shove me out of the chair...Fortheloveofamultiplepersonalitydisorder...what is her problem?

Okay, she's trying to brain drain me now, but I got one more.. I'm fading





















You see, I am the funny one in the family....hold on I'm starting to go.....halppp...

FINALLY, I got rid of her. I apologize to all three of my readers for her conduct, she is such a bitch. This is the pic I would have uploaded if would have my druthers:
















Now, isn't that more tasteful. I thought so.

I likes the Christmas season, so much material on email and the internet, and of course we have seen it all 765,900 times before, but it never fails to get a little chuckle out of me. Now that I got balonie sitting on the "far side"...I can concentrate on what I wanted to blog about.

Okay, I forgot. Once she gets in my head it takes hours to get her out. "Scram" you filthy mouthed scrag. Whooo...I think that did it!

Now, finally I can get down to reading the scriptures and obeying my husband.

Won't he be happy.

Slip sliding away..

It was a greasy day in the neighbourhood today. Just enough snow, to make Mr. big honking horking van do a few "figure 8's" on the road. But, she was on top of her game. When we down the road a bit, she did the Hammel Camel, and topped it off with a "quad" on Pembina Highway. No one was hurt in her performance, and we only got an 8 out of 10 from those damn Russian judges!! She's got the state of the art boots on her...12" tires, which makes her a little cumbersome, but she has a certain eloquence about her that makes her special. I think I will start calling her Grace. Not because she is graceful, but only because she tries so hard. She is cool, never backfires in face of a car behind her, she lumbers along, trying to make friends with all those little teeny cars on the road beside her. She is the friendly giant. After today's performance on the ice, I remarked to her, "let's do this again sometime." You were awesome. I told her when I was young I always wanted to be a figure skater, and now in my raisin years, I have my own gas powered pair of skates. She nodded, and said "balonie, don't ya be worried, I will try to live out your dream for you." I loves her!

What a nice thing for her to say. We are becoming good friends. We are probably gay in a van kinda way.

When I was young my dream was to be a figure skater. I got my first pair of skates when I was 8 years old. My dad made a skating rink in our back yard for me. We didn't have running water at that time yet, so he made a hose that diverted my mom's washing machine water to the back yard, and then he also used our precious water we had in our cistern to complete the job. It was a rough rink, you tripped up on lint and stuff from the washing machine, and it had some boils and bubbles in it, but it was my own special skating rink. I loved it. I thought I was Barbara Anne Scott, my hero. We used to have a winter festival at our rink in town, and everyone had to dress up and skate around and they would choose the best skater and costume. I will never forget the first one, my mom dressed me up like Little Bo Peep, she made me a dress, and she also made me braids!!!! She took some of my old stockings and braided them up and attached them to a hat and I had long beige looking braids. I don't think I have ever been more excited in my life. I always wanted braids!! All the girls in my grade had braids except me. Mom always kept my hair short, because it was so thick and I would have a fit when she tried to comb it. So, braids it was...I loved it. I don't think I won anything, but I can remember gliding down the ice with my braids flying in the air behind me, carrying my basket of flowers. I was Barbara Anne Scott!

When I was about 12 I got my first pair of "real" figure skates. I damn near killed myself with the piks in the front of the blade. But once I got used to them I was "hooked." I spent every night at the rink, trying to emulate figure skaters. We didn't have programs for that in our town, you just tried to "figure" it out yourself. Most of the time I was on my ass. But I didn't stop trying. But, then I got interested in BOYS...Damn it, all I wanted to do was hold hands and skate with anyone that would ask me, do "crack the whip"....And sniff out more boys. There went my dream.

About five years ago, my friend Janis was living in a place that had an outdoor rink and asked me to come over for some hot chocolate, and relive the dream. I found my old pair of figure skates in the basement...All scuffed up with memories... I accepted the invitation, thinking..how hard can this be? It was only 30 odd years since I put the boots on. It's like riding a bicycle isn't it?..you never forget. I took me 10 minutes and I was on flat on my face on the ice, and had a two inch gash on my knee. What she didn't tell me was that this was a community hockey rink that hadn't been flooded with new water for sometime.

Ouchiessss... just as I was doing the Hammel Camel.

In my dreams I'm still Barbara Anne Scott...sorry Dorothy.

Goodwinter day to you all.

This is one of my favorite graphics.."Father Christmas." So I made him my Christmas Card of the season. I've spent 3 stinking hours editing and re-editing it, but I think I got it done the way I wanted it. So, with bated breath I printed the first copy. Of course, my frigging printer started to give me grief, with a message "one of your $2,345.00 HP cartridges has caused an error, please remove it and replace it with one worth $3,345.00. Please do not try to print more that 10 or more colour pictures with this ink cartridge, or you will be sorry."..and we will get richer, much richer. Screw them. I had two cartridges in there with levels showing there was approximately 1/4 of the tank left. Bloody liars!! I wrecked very expensive photo paper because I didn't believe the warning message. I really thought they were fucking with my mind and just wanted me to put in a new cartridge. Apparently they have a coding device implanted in the cartridges that beams back to HP telling them, "some sucker wants to print there own Christmas cards." Then HP, sends a message back to the printer telling it to draw big fat ugly lines on your new expensive photo paper, and make you buy more cartridges. They got ya by the balls!! Now I remember why I quit computer scrapbooking, I destroyed an entire forest with all the paper I have threw out. GD capitalist pigs!

I had a surprise call last night after Attitude Adjustment Hour. Yessss, Ms. Special K needed a "raisin fix." I was her man..well make that woman, but you can't tell now a day, because of all that hair growing on my face. Do you know she has her beer delivered?...Yes, I'm not kidding. And she drank a whole 2-4 whilst we were talking LOL.. (ducking). I was cooking (sort of) while we were talking trying to get some supper happening. Well Kat, the beef stir fry turned out a little overdone, but I didn't want to miss a minute of our conversation. By the time I was finished it looked like a pile of doggy poo. But, when you added the rice to it looked acceptable. We inhaled it pretty fast, so it didn't really matter. If any Chinese people would have seen it, they would have flogged me with chopsticks.

I was going to do Brenda's meme today, but I couldn't find it because her sidebar is gone.

I am making porcupine meatballs tonight. It smells marvy. My stomach is growling, but Gord's going to be a smidge late tonight. It's worth waiting for.

What is the protocol?

I took Ms. Penny out for a walk today, (wind chill was like 1000 degrees below Celsius). She is so gay. She lifts her leg up when going for a whiz..she is a girl dog.. and she should be squatting like all the rest of us! I always carry a SAFEWAY bag with me in case of the "dump." So, today she found a huge dump that wasn't removed by it's very careless owner, and dumped on top of it. So, the question I have, is, do I just remove her dump, or do I remove the whole package? I didn't have too long to ponder the question, as I was turning into a popsicle. I made a management decision, and decided to only take the soft stuff, because the other shit was embedded in the ice. My job was done. But, what I hadn't factored into my decision was that some used SAFEWAY bags have holes in the bottom. Fortheloveofacommercialgiant, could they not perceive that after we remove their over priced groceries from the bag, we need to recycle it to get our monies worth. Make them stronger Man!!! Once I picked up the crap, took the air out of the bag, tied it up and "sure as god made little green apples," it leaked out. Now I am cold and smell like shit. It followed me around the block. I didn't know where to put it, and because my hands were freezing, I tried to keep part of my hand in my pocket, but the shit bag was hanging out. I made a speedy trek home. Me, my dog, and leaky bag full of steaming shit. Some days are better than others.

The rest of my day was full of chores, I had to get the GST remittance out for the stinking government, start a new batch of wine for Christmas, clean the fish tank, and get my Christmas Cards ready in the computer. Oh, yeah..get a blog out for a change.

Special K and I were just talking last night and were mentioning that it will almost a whole year that I have been blogging. Hot damn. A whole year! I have never had the attention span do something for a whole year...and well, I did! I think I started sometime after Christmas, but I will have to look it up.

Gord just got home...with prezzies...one of our new tenants gave us a special bottle of Italian wine, along with a huge bag of (hot) Italian pretzels. I love his pretzels, I can smell them baking, just a few doors from my office. They are so crisp and tasty. They are boiled and then baked in his brand new oven. This last batch tasted like fennel seed. It was wonderful. First of all I didn't like it, because it tasted too much like licorice, but man, it is addictive. I can't get enough of it. He makes many other flavours. I think I have mentioned this before in another blog, but hey...it's sooooo good. Nothing more annoying is having an ole raisin repeating herself.

Okay, time for me to VAMOUSSE ahhh spell check that... that's french for 'I'm outta here..I don't really know. But, I'm gone to fetch a moose.

balonie

Still recharging my battery

All the cousins around grandma's Christmas tree. I'm the grouchy one by the door..lord!! I must have put too many Pin curls in my hair the night before and gave myself a headache. In those days, you could never have enough bobby pins.
Click to enlarge..it's scary.

Got my batteries on the battery charger, so I hope I lighten up soon:)

My boss has just got the better of me. For some reason he always does this close to Christmas, I don't know why. I need to work someplace else. He rents the office and warehouse space from Gord and myself. So, I can't say anything. I can't say boo. If I do, I will have someone mad at me. I can't quit..who will hire me..I'm 60 fucking years old. Mind you,this has been a very convenient arrangement for the last 10 years, but it's growing old. I would so love to work part-time, and I almost had that going 11 years ago. I quit my full time job and secured a small part-time gig, and I loved it. I had a whole year off!!! I have never, ever been so happy in my life. I baked, I painted, I cleaned, I took the dogs out for hundreds of walks, I had time to spend with my parents, I had time to think, read a book, crochet stacks of afghans for my nieces for Christmas. Yes, that was one wonderful year, I will never forget. That was the year we bought our first camcorder, and I took pictures of the first huge snowflakes falling, and the dog's frolicking in it. I remember it so well. I remember being at peace.

But since that time Gord has bought different properties, like the one I work in now, and it's all about the money...gotta make ends meet until it's viable enough to take money out of the company....I am so tired. I just don't know how to get out of this rut.

Well, after work today I decided to go to Canadian Tire...and bought myself a Christmas tree stand. One thing I WILL do this year is have a real Christmas tree. I don't remember why I stopped buying a real one and started with the phoneys.. but I will smell the sweet smell of a real pine tree this year. And, it can't be perfect, it must have flaws. Every tree we used to have at home when I was growing up always had a good side and a bad side, (according to my mom).

..just a note: Norton just decided to start a full virus scan, and I stopped him, "he looked surprised." .. like..okay then, get yourself a virus!! He was messing with my blog!!,slowing it down. But just in case I jinx myself, "Norton, you do a fine job."

Okay, where was I? oh yeah...the tree. I want one with huge branches that stick out so you can hang ornaments on it and they dangle. Most trees are so compact these days, you can't get nothing to dangle..dang it. And most of all I want the lead tinsel, I think I will go on ebay and get it, they had quite a few there. I would like to have some of those old fashioned bubbling lights like my grandma had on her tree. We used to be mesmerized watching the bubbles.

I guess I should be going.

See ya Sunday.