Monday, April 30, 2007
Just an observation
I was shopping at Safeway today, and came across a watermelon sale. Now, I don't do watermelon until the temp's get hot, but people of other cultures don't seem to care. When I was young, you ate cold watermelon on a hot day..period. There were no exceptions..none. If you got caught eating it in temp's below 90 degrees it was frowned upon. Of course you had to eat it with deep fried fritters (Rolkuhka) that the woman of the house had to make in her sweaty kitchen for her ungrateful children.
What interested me the most today, was how people of other cultures, decide which watermelon to chose. I was among at least 5 people chosing a melon (It was under 90 degrees, but I knew there weren't any Mennonites watching.)
The Chinese ladies, slapped the melon, which I thought was umm.. melon abuse. One lady slapped it and she wasn't satisfied with the sound so she got her friend to give it another slap. They listened to the tones of each melon they slapped, and finally chose a melon that matched a "ring tone" of they cell phones..heh.. I made that up..but they tortured those poor melons. I, on the otherhand "knocked" on each melon. I was taught to "knock." It's only polite, you don't just go around and slap a melon!! You choose the melon with the most hollow sound. There was another man beside me who was shaking the melon. Apparently, if you mess up their insides they taste better? I stood around longer than was necessary, because I really was interested in the differences between all these people. Some of them smelled them. I swear. How can you smell a ripe watermelon through the rind? Some looked for the yellowing underneath which sometimes gives you a clue if it's ripe enough, and then they were those in a hurry who just threw them in the cart and let their kids sit on it like a toy. Seriously, there is nothing worse than unripend watermelon.
My mom used to grow watermelon in the garden, and I used to love it. Until, one day, when she specifically told me NOT to pick anymore melons because they weren't ripe eoungh yet. I picked two small unripened melons (god..never tell me NOT to do something).. that had been sitting out in the hot sun in the garden, I ate them, and fell to my knees and puked my guts out. Needless to say, I have never felt the same way about watermelon. Lesson learned, and as always, the hard way. I have never really liked it since. Nowaday, they don't even have seeds in them anymore. How much fun can that be without having a face full of them to spit at your brother? I dunno...they are taking the fun out of life. I live to annoy.
So, how have I been doing so far?
Friday, April 27, 2007
I'm sitting outside on the deck blogging
My dream has come true.
I bought the laptop for just this reason. I don't have all my patio furniture out yet, so it's still a little tight. This table is too small, but I have to wait until the trees shed all their crap until I can put the good stuff out. It's still pretty ugly out there. This is so cool, I can hear the ducks mating next door, in the neighbours pool, and I just had a wee little birdie take a bath in my birdie bath, and he never even noticed me. God, I love spring. Now more than ever. Still trying to shake off the winter blues and dust off my shoulders.
I didn't have a whole lot to do, and Penny was bugging me for attention, so I took in the back 40 and made her work for her supper.
I teased the crapola out of her...por Penny Loafer...
I put her ball in the empty pond, which scares her. But she got it out. Most of all she didn't like her new Spring Bandana. It kept on turning around and poking her in the eyes. Aha, the better for me to throw the ball where you can't see it.
Then to be really mean, I stuck her ball in a tree where she couldn't get it. She was displeased. So, I did it about 30 times. Shut up, she needs the exercise...barking gets the heart rate up. And then again in an empty bird bath.
Then I put it on top of the shed. Yup, I am a mean sumofabitch. More cardio.
Just a note...I live close to the river, and it must be feeding time for the gulls, holy shit it's loud.
Okay, let's get back to annoying my dog. I put the ball on the fire pit. More howling and tantrums. She can't take a joke.
I was running out of high places to put the damn ball, but she was having a great time following me around howling her little head off. She was having fun. Until...I put it on the composter. I think there are dead things in there from last year. We don't usually look in it because...because there is old and dirty stuff in there, and we are not good citizens of the earth. For all we know our neighbours put dead bodies in there during the winter. We shun it. Recyling is okay, but composting takes it up another notch.
Well, it's getting kind of crispy out here as the sun is starting to set. Penny is sitting in between my legs looking for a little warmth, amd loving being out here with me instead of the house.
Gord just got home, and we are having pizza on a whole wheat crust, and some yummy strawberry low fat crap I made.
Life is good. And I thank God everyday we have.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
okay, enough with the balonie nonsence it's crap
Gord finally got to see the Doc today, and he had the results from the ER that took more than 25 fartnights to get to his office. Transcription apparently takes a lot of time (two months)to get to the doctors office. Well, blow me down!
There was nothing new that we didn't already know. But I should have gone with him, because I have a million questions. All he wanted to know, was it safe to have bacon and eggs once a week? Fortheloveofpete!! What is it with the food? The doc did tell him, "everything in moderation," which I don't think he liked. Once a month maybe. He has one artery that is partially blocked, and they will be treating it with drugs as they are now, BUT sometimes the drugs don't do their job after two years, and you may have to find alternative methods eg. stents etc. But in his case they thought this was the best method to go for now, because he did so well in his stress test.
He related my fears to the doc, and the doc said I should come in and talk to him about them and he would be more than happy to explain everything to me. I do have a lot of questions, only for my peace of mind so I know where this is leading. I should have gone with him today to get it over with, but I was still sitting with my head in the sand. I will go in and see the guy. I have too, as much as I dread it.
I found it very hard not posting every other day. I missed it like hell. Now all I have to do is get my happy face on. Seriously, I am feeling so much better, and now we know where we are going, and what we have to do.
Thanks for putting up with me....a downer blog is a hard blog to read. I'm moving forward.
Joan
There was nothing new that we didn't already know. But I should have gone with him, because I have a million questions. All he wanted to know, was it safe to have bacon and eggs once a week? Fortheloveofpete!! What is it with the food? The doc did tell him, "everything in moderation," which I don't think he liked. Once a month maybe. He has one artery that is partially blocked, and they will be treating it with drugs as they are now, BUT sometimes the drugs don't do their job after two years, and you may have to find alternative methods eg. stents etc. But in his case they thought this was the best method to go for now, because he did so well in his stress test.
He related my fears to the doc, and the doc said I should come in and talk to him about them and he would be more than happy to explain everything to me. I do have a lot of questions, only for my peace of mind so I know where this is leading. I should have gone with him today to get it over with, but I was still sitting with my head in the sand. I will go in and see the guy. I have too, as much as I dread it.
I found it very hard not posting every other day. I missed it like hell. Now all I have to do is get my happy face on. Seriously, I am feeling so much better, and now we know where we are going, and what we have to do.
Thanks for putting up with me....a downer blog is a hard blog to read. I'm moving forward.
Joan
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Church Lady
Thanks to the ole TV show "Bewitched"...I am still able to keep Joan at bay. I did my homework.
Today, she was supposed to go to church.
I don't mind telling you folks she was never much of a church goer since the Mennonite church pissed her off umpteen years ago. Her nieces daughter was getting "confirmed" Sunday morning AND I had to go, in her stead.
My balonie backside is so sore. I sat on that hard ass pew for one and a half hours people!
This was my first experience with Anglicans. Apparently this church is made up entirely of women, except for some guy with a funny hat who wandered in and was called a Bishop. The women priests or whatever they are called, were very enthusiastic about his appearance at the confirmation. Apparently, he only shows up their church once a year. They were positively giddy. I swear the Bishop used to be a DJ at a radio station, he had "the voice"...and almost convinced me (balonie)that I was a heathen. He threw in a few commercials, and wrapped it up in an hour (which was wayyyy to long). He was smooth.
Throughout the long ass service, we were asked to sit..and then stand, at least 10 times while trying to follow the "pamphlet" we had received at the door. There were two books in the holder in front of the pews, one was green and other one was blue, and when he said, go to page 876 in the green book, you had to get your ass in gear and try to find it, and by the time you found it...it was all done just in time to say AMEN. When it came to singing, you get up ONCE MORE, and go to the blue book to page 32455 to a hymn you have never ever heard of before. I faked it. I moved my lips while the Bishop was leading the congregation in song with his adoring priest women who were gazing at him with lust.
What I found most interesting, was the "band" accompanying the songs. One guy was on the accordion, one guy on a keyboard (in sweat pants and his basketball shirt), and another church lady playing the organ. Then there were about 3 kids practicing on various instruments. ouch.
By the time the Bishop told us to get up and sit back down, and read from the blue book and the green book plus try to keep up with the "pamphlet" provided, I was dizzy. I don't usually get up and down that much in a Sunday morning.
I was hoping that perhaps going to church would put me and Joan back together, even though I am a bitch, and I was hoping that the minister (priest, rabbi, whatever) would give me some inspiration. He did not. I didn't understand his sermon, he had the three lady priests who would interject now and again, and all they did was do bible quotes. Well, jeez Louise, if I knew what all that stuff meant I wouldn't be here. I was looking for inspiration. And he was still quoting parables. He was totally self serving. He might not have seen it that way, but I did. Because he was holding an entire church at ransom. 95 percent of the people there were not members, but family and friends of the kids that were being confirmed. I know, even the church has to take advantage to get members in their congregation, but I found it blatant.
Last but not least. Just after communion (where all those who have been baptized get to drink wine and eat bread), this balonie had to sit in a hard bench and watch. Gosh wine and bread are my favorite things!! But, my parents forgot to baptize me! I thought I might just sneak up there to see if God would notice if I partook of his offerings...would he smite me down, or would he be a loving God, and say "balonie" have yerself a little a little "ripple" and a piece of bread, and just because you weren't baptized doesn't mean "I won't see you later..alligator"!! That's my kind of God! I know he likes me. Well, only because he likes Joan best, but we are a package deal.
Then, we had to sit through "Community Announcements"...AND THEN.. a lady from the choir jumped up with a bongo player behind her and shimmed her ass around the congregation with a billboard around her neck..front to back, suggesting people buy ticket to their next event. Call me old fashioned. Has religion become a business? I don't know. It was bizarre.
Today, she was supposed to go to church.
I don't mind telling you folks she was never much of a church goer since the Mennonite church pissed her off umpteen years ago. Her nieces daughter was getting "confirmed" Sunday morning AND I had to go, in her stead.
My balonie backside is so sore. I sat on that hard ass pew for one and a half hours people!
This was my first experience with Anglicans. Apparently this church is made up entirely of women, except for some guy with a funny hat who wandered in and was called a Bishop. The women priests or whatever they are called, were very enthusiastic about his appearance at the confirmation. Apparently, he only shows up their church once a year. They were positively giddy. I swear the Bishop used to be a DJ at a radio station, he had "the voice"...and almost convinced me (balonie)that I was a heathen. He threw in a few commercials, and wrapped it up in an hour (which was wayyyy to long). He was smooth.
Throughout the long ass service, we were asked to sit..and then stand, at least 10 times while trying to follow the "pamphlet" we had received at the door. There were two books in the holder in front of the pews, one was green and other one was blue, and when he said, go to page 876 in the green book, you had to get your ass in gear and try to find it, and by the time you found it...it was all done just in time to say AMEN. When it came to singing, you get up ONCE MORE, and go to the blue book to page 32455 to a hymn you have never ever heard of before. I faked it. I moved my lips while the Bishop was leading the congregation in song with his adoring priest women who were gazing at him with lust.
What I found most interesting, was the "band" accompanying the songs. One guy was on the accordion, one guy on a keyboard (in sweat pants and his basketball shirt), and another church lady playing the organ. Then there were about 3 kids practicing on various instruments. ouch.
By the time the Bishop told us to get up and sit back down, and read from the blue book and the green book plus try to keep up with the "pamphlet" provided, I was dizzy. I don't usually get up and down that much in a Sunday morning.
I was hoping that perhaps going to church would put me and Joan back together, even though I am a bitch, and I was hoping that the minister (priest, rabbi, whatever) would give me some inspiration. He did not. I didn't understand his sermon, he had the three lady priests who would interject now and again, and all they did was do bible quotes. Well, jeez Louise, if I knew what all that stuff meant I wouldn't be here. I was looking for inspiration. And he was still quoting parables. He was totally self serving. He might not have seen it that way, but I did. Because he was holding an entire church at ransom. 95 percent of the people there were not members, but family and friends of the kids that were being confirmed. I know, even the church has to take advantage to get members in their congregation, but I found it blatant.
Last but not least. Just after communion (where all those who have been baptized get to drink wine and eat bread), this balonie had to sit in a hard bench and watch. Gosh wine and bread are my favorite things!! But, my parents forgot to baptize me! I thought I might just sneak up there to see if God would notice if I partook of his offerings...would he smite me down, or would he be a loving God, and say "balonie" have yerself a little a little "ripple" and a piece of bread, and just because you weren't baptized doesn't mean "I won't see you later..alligator"!! That's my kind of God! I know he likes me. Well, only because he likes Joan best, but we are a package deal.
Then, we had to sit through "Community Announcements"...AND THEN.. a lady from the choir jumped up with a bongo player behind her and shimmed her ass around the congregation with a billboard around her neck..front to back, suggesting people buy ticket to their next event. Call me old fashioned. Has religion become a business? I don't know. It was bizarre.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Testing...testing is this thing on?
Ewwww, it's all old and musty in here. Looks like someone took a dump in the corner too. What is that I spy on the floor?...look's like a "chalk line" where Joan's chair used to sit in front the computer. Well lordyluvaduck...I finally got rid of the beotch!! I knew if I worked hard enough when she was down, I would finally be able to take over!! I AM IN!! Balonie rules.
Friday Night Supper: DOG ..haaaaa ha ha. I never liked that dog Penny anyway, I'm heating up the grill as we speak. Dessert: GORD .. haaaa ha ha. I never like him either, but he could be tasty treat, if I can figure out how to work the blender. I see she only has.. no sugar, low fat ice-cream in the fridge so pouring that over him will be no help. I was looking for sugar, and all I could find was Splenda, so I guess I will have to do the next best thing, and put in the crock pot, because he is a tough old bird.
While I was wandering through the house tonight, I came across some real interesting shit. Did you know she has Johnny Mathis albums in the basement? OMG. And Brenda Lee for shits sake, I almost pissed my pants!! How old is this broad? What am I doing in her lame body? I need me some heavy metal. I found some so..so shit, Joe Cocker (apparently she really wanted to rock his socks at one point) she had every album he made, and they were so scratched up ...that I'm thinking she was a little messed up in the day..ya know what I mean? And just when I thought I had seen it all, there were albums of a Mennonite Choir, Bill Cosby's greatest hits, Cheech & Chong, Willie Nelson, The Righteous Brothers, Three Dog Night, Linda Ronstadt, the orginal soundtrack from the "Phantom of the Paradise," Dionne Warwick, American Women, by the Guess Who, Kris Kristofferson, Delaney and Bonnie, Eagles, Neil Young, Santana, The Beatles, and last but not least was Billy Vaughn..Sail Along Silv'ry Moon, and for fuck sakes the one that took the cake was.."The Kingston Trio."
How in the hell did I get her head? We have nothing in common. She listens to "talk radio," I listen to rap music, because I am bad, bad to the bone! And don't anyone of you forget it. I am one mean old bitch.
She is always so even minded. She hasn't even got the balls to ask her boss for a raise after 3 years at the same wage. I don't feel sorry for her at all, because she is a loser.
I'm glad she is gone, because now I can stomp on her head, around the chalk line.
Oops, the timer went off on the crock pot, I think Gord is done.
Friday Night Supper: DOG ..haaaaa ha ha. I never liked that dog Penny anyway, I'm heating up the grill as we speak. Dessert: GORD .. haaaa ha ha. I never like him either, but he could be tasty treat, if I can figure out how to work the blender. I see she only has.. no sugar, low fat ice-cream in the fridge so pouring that over him will be no help. I was looking for sugar, and all I could find was Splenda, so I guess I will have to do the next best thing, and put in the crock pot, because he is a tough old bird.
While I was wandering through the house tonight, I came across some real interesting shit. Did you know she has Johnny Mathis albums in the basement? OMG. And Brenda Lee for shits sake, I almost pissed my pants!! How old is this broad? What am I doing in her lame body? I need me some heavy metal. I found some so..so shit, Joe Cocker (apparently she really wanted to rock his socks at one point) she had every album he made, and they were so scratched up ...that I'm thinking she was a little messed up in the day..ya know what I mean? And just when I thought I had seen it all, there were albums of a Mennonite Choir, Bill Cosby's greatest hits, Cheech & Chong, Willie Nelson, The Righteous Brothers, Three Dog Night, Linda Ronstadt, the orginal soundtrack from the "Phantom of the Paradise," Dionne Warwick, American Women, by the Guess Who, Kris Kristofferson, Delaney and Bonnie, Eagles, Neil Young, Santana, The Beatles, and last but not least was Billy Vaughn..Sail Along Silv'ry Moon, and for fuck sakes the one that took the cake was.."The Kingston Trio."
How in the hell did I get her head? We have nothing in common. She listens to "talk radio," I listen to rap music, because I am bad, bad to the bone! And don't anyone of you forget it. I am one mean old bitch.
She is always so even minded. She hasn't even got the balls to ask her boss for a raise after 3 years at the same wage. I don't feel sorry for her at all, because she is a loser.
I'm glad she is gone, because now I can stomp on her head, around the chalk line.
Oops, the timer went off on the crock pot, I think Gord is done.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I'm scaling it down
You know, I'm not giving this blog as much as attention as I should be. I'm in a slump. And I apologize for not giving it my all. But my vague attempts at humour these days are very weak, and not coming from my heart. And it shows.
I still read all of the blogs listed on my sidebar and many more every day, but my spirit is so low somedays I don't even leave comments when I should.
Since Gord had his H.A. heh...I almost said it, I have been busting my ass after work making sure the meals we eat for supper and preparing for the next day at lunch are "heart friendly"...and it is sucking the life blood out of me. I am in the stores reading labels like ass ...and reading web sites for heart smart recipes, I am totally out of control. I have to lighten up. I can't take this anymore. I am tired, and I am starting to look old.
Hippychick was over on Saturday, and asked me if I had lost weight. I was thrilled, someone had finally noticed, until she said, she could see my jowls were getting flabby looking. I should smile more, then you couldn't see it. Obviously tact is not one of her strong traits. And never was!! (Janis, it's okay, I took it with a grain of salt and a glass of wine).
So, I will be scaling down, and I will miss writing every other day or so, but unless I give my blog my best effort I see it is pointless to subject you to meaningless crap. (with spelling mistakes) Oh, I forgot, most of it was meaningless, but what I meant .. was more meaningless, pointless stuff. oops, most of it was pointless too, okay...you know what I mean. I mixing myself up.
We will put balonie to bed for awhile. After all she was my alter ego, and now she has seemed to disappear. Life hands you lemons sometimes and you have to wait for the sweeter stuff to reappear.
Hopefully, I can get my act together. With work and all I just feel drained.
So, I will try to get a blog out once a week or so and make it worth your while to tune in. I just can't keep up the pace.
Love Joan & ms.balonie.
I still read all of the blogs listed on my sidebar and many more every day, but my spirit is so low somedays I don't even leave comments when I should.
Since Gord had his H.A. heh...I almost said it, I have been busting my ass after work making sure the meals we eat for supper and preparing for the next day at lunch are "heart friendly"...and it is sucking the life blood out of me. I am in the stores reading labels like ass ...and reading web sites for heart smart recipes, I am totally out of control. I have to lighten up. I can't take this anymore. I am tired, and I am starting to look old.
Hippychick was over on Saturday, and asked me if I had lost weight. I was thrilled, someone had finally noticed, until she said, she could see my jowls were getting flabby looking. I should smile more, then you couldn't see it. Obviously tact is not one of her strong traits. And never was!! (Janis, it's okay, I took it with a grain of salt and a glass of wine).
So, I will be scaling down, and I will miss writing every other day or so, but unless I give my blog my best effort I see it is pointless to subject you to meaningless crap. (with spelling mistakes) Oh, I forgot, most of it was meaningless, but what I meant .. was more meaningless, pointless stuff. oops, most of it was pointless too, okay...you know what I mean. I mixing myself up.
We will put balonie to bed for awhile. After all she was my alter ego, and now she has seemed to disappear. Life hands you lemons sometimes and you have to wait for the sweeter stuff to reappear.
Hopefully, I can get my act together. With work and all I just feel drained.
So, I will try to get a blog out once a week or so and make it worth your while to tune in. I just can't keep up the pace.
Love Joan & ms.balonie.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Taxes..kiss my royal canadian arse
I am finished with the taxes!!! I took Friday off to do the last of it, and just ripped off a Profit and Loss statement an hour ago for the accountant. I hope my nose does not continue to grow, because by the time I give it to him, I may not be able to get into the door. I did not embellish, I have receipts for everything, if buying $50,000.00 dollars worth of lawn seed counts. Well, we do have lawns to maintain in front of our properties. My nose, now has grown so long it is impeding my fingers from typing an longer. Okay, so...I might have to make an adjustment to the P&L just so I can eat supper tonight without my long lying nose poking around in my plate. Nothing worse than a nostril in your salad.
Anyway, I am so glad to be rid of that crap. But do you think 20,000.00 dollars a year is unrealistic for parking fees? Okay, back to the P&L. heh
Then I turned into a man, who was about to say ..."just fuck it already." I know how the tax man grabbeth. I have a very hairy face. Hormones..too much chicken.
I'm still loosing weight, I hit 148 lbs. this morning!!! Yahoo. Usually I can do a pound a week, but this one took me two weeks. I only weigh myself on Sunday mornings, just so I don't get disappointed during the week by doing it too often. It's a good thing I didn't throw out all the clothes I had before. I threw out crap stuff, but not the stuff I really loved. And they all have a hood, except my pants that is! Yesterday I wore a hoodie velour top (my very fav) that I have not got into since 2002. In 2002 I tore a stomach muscle, and wasn't able to do anything other than get from point A to point B, and it bothered me for years. So, I became very couch potatoish because I didn't want it to flair up again. Thus the weight gain. But, the fatter I got, more pressure was sitting on my tummy and always made me feel uncomfortable. So, I always wore a support around my stomach. As of two weeks ago, I threw it out. Once most of the flab was gone, I didn't have the feeling that it would come back to haunt me. I think I just used it as a crutch for the longest of time, because that was the closest I ever got to not being able to do anything, and I was scared.
I never figured out how I tore the stomach muscle, but I think I know now. I have not ever been particularily active, and I had been gaining some weight around then.
That morning, I put on a freshly washed pair a jeans that felt very tight. I could hardly do them up. So, I sucked it up, and got the zipper closed...and proceeded to to go down and do knee bends to get the jeans to relax a bit in the tummy area. I think I did about ten of them, and by the time I got to work, I could feel that something was wrong. And that my friends gave me years of grief. Something blew. As long as I was sitting or sleeping I was fine, but walking was terrible. It didn't really hurt, but it pulled and pulled and I was so uncomfortable that I had to sit down every few minutes. I even had a cleaning lady come in because I couldn't stand long enough to do the cleaning. I tried to fake it after I felt better, but Gord caught on..!!
I was going to take pic's today of Penny and the "back 40", but it looks so gross right now, with all the broken branches, and ugly shit I thought I would leave it for a better time.
I took up my little (spring time patio table) so we could sit around that until we bring out the big guy. It's too early, today was the first day you could really go out without a parka. The neighbours were all out there doing their barbeques, and it smelled heavenly. So, it feels like we are back to normal.
Sunday night supper:
A very large chicken, filled with hormones (I need that now since I am loosing weight and my tits are getting smaller).
Wild Rice Medley
Steamed beans, carrots, and broccoli with a dill and lemon sauce.
Now, youse guys have a good day y'hear. Balonie was here a minute ago, but I stompted her stinking little head into the the plastic carpet protecter under my desk. I'm hoping those little picky things will poke some sense into her head, because she was ready to rumble.
Anyway, I am so glad to be rid of that crap. But do you think 20,000.00 dollars a year is unrealistic for parking fees? Okay, back to the P&L. heh
Then I turned into a man, who was about to say ..."just fuck it already." I know how the tax man grabbeth. I have a very hairy face. Hormones..too much chicken.
I'm still loosing weight, I hit 148 lbs. this morning!!! Yahoo. Usually I can do a pound a week, but this one took me two weeks. I only weigh myself on Sunday mornings, just so I don't get disappointed during the week by doing it too often. It's a good thing I didn't throw out all the clothes I had before. I threw out crap stuff, but not the stuff I really loved. And they all have a hood, except my pants that is! Yesterday I wore a hoodie velour top (my very fav) that I have not got into since 2002. In 2002 I tore a stomach muscle, and wasn't able to do anything other than get from point A to point B, and it bothered me for years. So, I became very couch potatoish because I didn't want it to flair up again. Thus the weight gain. But, the fatter I got, more pressure was sitting on my tummy and always made me feel uncomfortable. So, I always wore a support around my stomach. As of two weeks ago, I threw it out. Once most of the flab was gone, I didn't have the feeling that it would come back to haunt me. I think I just used it as a crutch for the longest of time, because that was the closest I ever got to not being able to do anything, and I was scared.
I never figured out how I tore the stomach muscle, but I think I know now. I have not ever been particularily active, and I had been gaining some weight around then.
That morning, I put on a freshly washed pair a jeans that felt very tight. I could hardly do them up. So, I sucked it up, and got the zipper closed...and proceeded to to go down and do knee bends to get the jeans to relax a bit in the tummy area. I think I did about ten of them, and by the time I got to work, I could feel that something was wrong. And that my friends gave me years of grief. Something blew. As long as I was sitting or sleeping I was fine, but walking was terrible. It didn't really hurt, but it pulled and pulled and I was so uncomfortable that I had to sit down every few minutes. I even had a cleaning lady come in because I couldn't stand long enough to do the cleaning. I tried to fake it after I felt better, but Gord caught on..!!
I was going to take pic's today of Penny and the "back 40", but it looks so gross right now, with all the broken branches, and ugly shit I thought I would leave it for a better time.
I took up my little (spring time patio table) so we could sit around that until we bring out the big guy. It's too early, today was the first day you could really go out without a parka. The neighbours were all out there doing their barbeques, and it smelled heavenly. So, it feels like we are back to normal.
Sunday night supper:
A very large chicken, filled with hormones (I need that now since I am loosing weight and my tits are getting smaller).
Wild Rice Medley
Steamed beans, carrots, and broccoli with a dill and lemon sauce.
Now, youse guys have a good day y'hear. Balonie was here a minute ago, but I stompted her stinking little head into the the plastic carpet protecter under my desk. I'm hoping those little picky things will poke some sense into her head, because she was ready to rumble.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
A moment I have to share
I made a trip to the washroom at work today after all the electricians left this morning to electrocute themselves or one of our clients.
As an aside, I bought two huge cases of toliet paper for the washroom, that sit right in front of the toliet in the stall. It is clearly marked "toliet paper." Normally I have a 12 pack of toliet paper in it's plastic casing sitting on the floor for their conveience. But, I changed the rules, and thought they could figure it out that once the old toliet paper, in it's old plastic casing had run out, they could just help themselves to those in the big box. Apparently not.
When I entered the stall, I looked down into the toliet, and found that someone had not flushed down a pile of poo. Nor had someone used toliet paper. It was all feces. Someone, could not figure out how to take a roll of toliet paper out of a box (clearly marked ASSWIPE) and decided to wear in his shorts. Now, would I want to be this guys partner for the day in the electrican world?
Nay, Nay I say, someone had a dirty ass today
I don't want to be with him on the jobsite today..hey hey
Sing with me, it's now the official Electricians song!!
Can you imagine him at home?? If his wife doesn't put toliet paper on the roll, he will just squeeze it out and hope for the best? It's pathetic.
Maybe he took a dump right here? I'm getting jaded.
As an aside, I bought two huge cases of toliet paper for the washroom, that sit right in front of the toliet in the stall. It is clearly marked "toliet paper." Normally I have a 12 pack of toliet paper in it's plastic casing sitting on the floor for their conveience. But, I changed the rules, and thought they could figure it out that once the old toliet paper, in it's old plastic casing had run out, they could just help themselves to those in the big box. Apparently not.
When I entered the stall, I looked down into the toliet, and found that someone had not flushed down a pile of poo. Nor had someone used toliet paper. It was all feces. Someone, could not figure out how to take a roll of toliet paper out of a box (clearly marked ASSWIPE) and decided to wear in his shorts. Now, would I want to be this guys partner for the day in the electrican world?
Nay, Nay I say, someone had a dirty ass today
I don't want to be with him on the jobsite today..hey hey
Sing with me, it's now the official Electricians song!!
Can you imagine him at home?? If his wife doesn't put toliet paper on the roll, he will just squeeze it out and hope for the best? It's pathetic.
Maybe he took a dump right here? I'm getting jaded.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Tech Talk
We got a new laser combination/ colour printer/copier/fax machine/scanner/scans to email, at work last week. State of the art. It's brand new, which is something in our office, because we usually get the left overs from our head office. I have named her "Wannabee." We had an old "all in one" HP Ink Jet which ground out faxes at such a slow rate, I had to take a nap at least 30 times a day. She printed off wonderful colour print outs for our brochures etc. but sometimes her head hurt, and I had give her a Tylenol. So we put her out of her misery, and she is now sitting on death row in the warehouse. Our old "huge" photo copier (the boy) which must be 987 years old "fortheloveoftechnology", still sits on the office floor silently, taking up an enormous amount of room, but he has not met his maker just yet, because he can still make bigger copies than "Wannabee. So, the old meets the new.
I think they fight at night. Serious!..and the old HP in the warehouse gets her shots in too!
Today, when I got to work there was a automated message on her screen "Phone Service," "I have been violated" . I looked over at "the boy," and he looked very innocent. I checked the HP in the warehouse, and she looked very despondent. I started to press "Wannabees" buttons to reset her message. She responded by saying she had a piece of paper jammed up her ass! Well, fortheloveofpete, how did that get up there? I gave the "Mister" another dirty look and he started to cry, and said he didn't do nothing. Then I went back to the warehouse to see the HP but she dead as a doornail, so who was lying to me?
I opened up Wannabee's em..doors, and did a visual. I am used to opening up "Mister," because I know all his parts, but Wannabee's were totally different. Mister had more manly stuff, and with a little effort I could get him back in action, but with ms.Wannabee, I could not take that paper off her ass. She held it tight. Now, it was me against the machine!!! My heart was racing, because it was 4:30 and I wanted to get the hell out of there. I managed to get half a sheet of paper out of her. So, I said, if you want a tug of war, it's on you bitch!! And, then I ripped the paper apart, and half was still in her belly, and half of it was in my hand.....and the monitor was beeping and telling me PHONE SERVICE YOU ASSHOLE!!
Okay, then, I did. gawwd. The tech told me how to take out the laser cartridge and look below to see if I could see the bottom of the tray and dislodge the offending crap! I found it. Dislodged it. It was quarter to 5:00 and I was pissed off, so I slammed her parts down. She must have got the message, because her message after that was "please continue" and then displayed the normal message. sigh... Who the hell is running this world? I wanted to take a piece out of her so bad. But, I can scan anything I want to email in PDF file...how lucky am I?
So, I guess I'm her bitch.
But, I will be watching her, and if she is screwing with the "Mister," who is still my old friend, I'll get her!!
I think they fight at night. Serious!..and the old HP in the warehouse gets her shots in too!
Today, when I got to work there was a automated message on her screen "Phone Service," "I have been violated" . I looked over at "the boy," and he looked very innocent. I checked the HP in the warehouse, and she looked very despondent. I started to press "Wannabees" buttons to reset her message. She responded by saying she had a piece of paper jammed up her ass! Well, fortheloveofpete, how did that get up there? I gave the "Mister" another dirty look and he started to cry, and said he didn't do nothing. Then I went back to the warehouse to see the HP but she dead as a doornail, so who was lying to me?
I opened up Wannabee's em..doors, and did a visual. I am used to opening up "Mister," because I know all his parts, but Wannabee's were totally different. Mister had more manly stuff, and with a little effort I could get him back in action, but with ms.Wannabee, I could not take that paper off her ass. She held it tight. Now, it was me against the machine!!! My heart was racing, because it was 4:30 and I wanted to get the hell out of there. I managed to get half a sheet of paper out of her. So, I said, if you want a tug of war, it's on you bitch!! And, then I ripped the paper apart, and half was still in her belly, and half of it was in my hand.....and the monitor was beeping and telling me PHONE SERVICE YOU ASSHOLE!!
Okay, then, I did. gawwd. The tech told me how to take out the laser cartridge and look below to see if I could see the bottom of the tray and dislodge the offending crap! I found it. Dislodged it. It was quarter to 5:00 and I was pissed off, so I slammed her parts down. She must have got the message, because her message after that was "please continue" and then displayed the normal message. sigh... Who the hell is running this world? I wanted to take a piece out of her so bad. But, I can scan anything I want to email in PDF file...how lucky am I?
So, I guess I'm her bitch.
But, I will be watching her, and if she is screwing with the "Mister," who is still my old friend, I'll get her!!
Sunday, April 08, 2007
long time no see amigos
I have started 8976 blogs this week and not finished a one. I spent the whole long weekend doing our taxes creatively. Why should I bore them with the same ole every year, why not make it interesting? Our expenses exceeded our sales by such a huge margin this year it even scared me. I guess I should stop expensing dog food and wine. However, they are work related, the dog watches me do the bookwork, while I drink the wine. Makes sense to me. I was so engrossed in my pile of papers today I forgot to do the laundry. I'll be looking at that same pair of panties I wore today when I go to work tomorrow. Perhaps, I should just by-pass them all together and do a Britney Spears. I don't think anyone at the office would notice I wasn't wearing underpants through my MOM jeans. Unless those young whippersnappers have been eyeing my pantylines. Could happen, some of them look pretty desperate.
Not to much going on around here that is interesting. OHHHH, I forgot the basement quit flooding, if that is interesting. It sure is a relief. Now we have to figure out a way to fix it. I say, patch it up, put a slab of paneling on the wall where we tore it off and sell the house to the next unsuspecting home owner. I have no conscious. I give a hairy rats ass at this point. Too much shit slamming me in the head at one time. But, I hope they like the lovely blue carpet down there, along with my Elvis Velvet Art paintings. Our whole house is so 80's it's a crime, A CRIME I SAY! .. and I don't have ANY time to fix it up. It's not really in a whole pile of disrepair, but what is...bugs the shit out of me.
A funny thing happened in our bathroom Saturday morning: heh
Gord will kill me if he reads this..heh heh once more.
We got up late, and because we were both too lazy to go to separate bathrooms (one is downstairs) we chose to cohabitate the upstairs one. He was doing his business and reading the newspaper on the shitter, and I was brushing my teeth at the sink. I had already had my shower.
I was just minding my business and brushing away at my teeth, when I noticed he flushed the toilet while sitting on it, kindly taking the fumes to another level. And he proceeded to keep on reading the paper.......... until he jumped up off the toilet like a jack rabbit! My first reaction was he must have got bitten by an alligator! After he flushed, and while he was sitting there, the toilet must have started to overflow, and when the water reached his dangling participles he shot up like someone had lit a firecracker under his arse!!! I laughed my friggin ass off!! Good thing he caught the shut off valve soon enough or we would have had a pile of crap to clean up!! Lord, that was funny.
The reason the toilet overflowed was the night before he had bad allergies, and was sneezing all the time, so he took all his kleenex's from the bedroom and put them in the toilet BEFORE he sat down and when it came time to flush...it was just too much pressure and pushed it up to his ass. HAAA ha. I never saw anyone jump up that fast. I am glad he didn't have another incident!!haaa I'm still laughing. Nakid guy..jumping off a toilet..harrrrr..
Sunday night supper..yeah you guessed it POT. Opps I meant Pot roast, with cawwots, (the easter bunny factor) beans (to git the gasses out) and taters. I'm too tired to get creative. Home cooked, low fat, what more can I do. This balonie is a tuckered out. Over and out of your face:)
Not to much going on around here that is interesting. OHHHH, I forgot the basement quit flooding, if that is interesting. It sure is a relief. Now we have to figure out a way to fix it. I say, patch it up, put a slab of paneling on the wall where we tore it off and sell the house to the next unsuspecting home owner. I have no conscious. I give a hairy rats ass at this point. Too much shit slamming me in the head at one time. But, I hope they like the lovely blue carpet down there, along with my Elvis Velvet Art paintings. Our whole house is so 80's it's a crime, A CRIME I SAY! .. and I don't have ANY time to fix it up. It's not really in a whole pile of disrepair, but what is...bugs the shit out of me.
A funny thing happened in our bathroom Saturday morning: heh
Gord will kill me if he reads this..heh heh once more.
We got up late, and because we were both too lazy to go to separate bathrooms (one is downstairs) we chose to cohabitate the upstairs one. He was doing his business and reading the newspaper on the shitter, and I was brushing my teeth at the sink. I had already had my shower.
I was just minding my business and brushing away at my teeth, when I noticed he flushed the toilet while sitting on it, kindly taking the fumes to another level. And he proceeded to keep on reading the paper.......... until he jumped up off the toilet like a jack rabbit! My first reaction was he must have got bitten by an alligator! After he flushed, and while he was sitting there, the toilet must have started to overflow, and when the water reached his dangling participles he shot up like someone had lit a firecracker under his arse!!! I laughed my friggin ass off!! Good thing he caught the shut off valve soon enough or we would have had a pile of crap to clean up!! Lord, that was funny.
The reason the toilet overflowed was the night before he had bad allergies, and was sneezing all the time, so he took all his kleenex's from the bedroom and put them in the toilet BEFORE he sat down and when it came time to flush...it was just too much pressure and pushed it up to his ass. HAAA ha. I never saw anyone jump up that fast. I am glad he didn't have another incident!!haaa I'm still laughing. Nakid guy..jumping off a toilet..harrrrr..
Sunday night supper..yeah you guessed it POT. Opps I meant Pot roast, with cawwots, (the easter bunny factor) beans (to git the gasses out) and taters. I'm too tired to get creative. Home cooked, low fat, what more can I do. This balonie is a tuckered out. Over and out of your face:)
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Same shit
You know, the Health Care System and Doctor's, suck big balls!!! Balls way bigger than one could possibly suck. You would need a gymoungous? pie hole.
If you are a Newbie to it, it even sucks further. Gord had his INCIDENT in the last week of February, and after he left the hospital he was to see his own doctor 5 days later. Appointment was duly made, and he attended it. Docf*up informed him, that the only info he had from the hospital was his stress test, nothing else. Then Docf*up said, he would have to come back in three weeks, as he was going on holidays.......gahhhhhhhhhhh... "just take your med's he said." This is the guy Gord went for help at Christmas time when he felt like shit. He went through a battery of tests, and then we never were called back with any results.
Apparently, there must have been something wrong then already.
Today Gord had the follow up appointment after Docf*up got back from holidays. Guess what, the hospital had still not sent him the reports. Either he has a poor filing system, or the hospital sucks.
Gord needs some closure to this, and have his Doctor either increase, decrease, elimate some of the med's. OR...holy moly, let's not get crazy here, but refer him to a Cardiologist. We are talking over a month here now people, without anything but what we were told at the hospital. His med's seem to be working fine, but he is having weird dreams from one of the beta blockers. (which he was told at the hospital). But I could tell today he was very disappointed he was not able to express his fears and questions to someone that knows what he is going through. Docf*up said he would contact the hospital immediately to get his records.
He needs someone to explain the entire situation to him, so he can move on. He is feeling really great, but as he told me today, he worries about every little pain or whatever near his chest. And that is normal. I know. So, once the doc gets all the stuff, we are still on a holding pattern.
If you are a Newbie to it, it even sucks further. Gord had his INCIDENT in the last week of February, and after he left the hospital he was to see his own doctor 5 days later. Appointment was duly made, and he attended it. Docf*up informed him, that the only info he had from the hospital was his stress test, nothing else. Then Docf*up said, he would have to come back in three weeks, as he was going on holidays.......gahhhhhhhhhhh... "just take your med's he said." This is the guy Gord went for help at Christmas time when he felt like shit. He went through a battery of tests, and then we never were called back with any results.
Apparently, there must have been something wrong then already.
Today Gord had the follow up appointment after Docf*up got back from holidays. Guess what, the hospital had still not sent him the reports. Either he has a poor filing system, or the hospital sucks.
Gord needs some closure to this, and have his Doctor either increase, decrease, elimate some of the med's. OR...holy moly, let's not get crazy here, but refer him to a Cardiologist. We are talking over a month here now people, without anything but what we were told at the hospital. His med's seem to be working fine, but he is having weird dreams from one of the beta blockers. (which he was told at the hospital). But I could tell today he was very disappointed he was not able to express his fears and questions to someone that knows what he is going through. Docf*up said he would contact the hospital immediately to get his records.
He needs someone to explain the entire situation to him, so he can move on. He is feeling really great, but as he told me today, he worries about every little pain or whatever near his chest. And that is normal. I know. So, once the doc gets all the stuff, we are still on a holding pattern.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
I am all tuckered out, another day of bookkeeping for taxes, schmaxes. I hate you revenue canada! I didn't capitolize you, because you are not worth it. In fact, I am very tempted to add $2.99 to our expenses for the six pack of coke I picked up to get through this ordeal. I only had one. But, I needed a jolt and I don't like coffee. Maybe I should charge them for the wine I'm having tonight to calm down.
I've almost got it all done. Next weekend is a long weekend and I can finish it up, take it the accountant and pray.
We are still having "leakage" in the basement. Gord took the whole wall down today. Not good news...its cracked right from top to the bottom. So, we will have to get someone here to do it right. It's been three years of this already, so who needs this stress every spring. Forntuntaley we have enough "glop" in the bigger cracks to hold it together until spring run off subsides. But, we still have to clean up about twice a day. By the end of the week the ground will be warm enough to start letting the snow and water to drain into the the soil and not build up around the foundation. One more expense.........lardy.........love a duck! I will never be able to retire at this rate.
I bet you can't believe how much weight I have lost this past month with our new and improved dietary rules...guess? wrong!! lower!
I started at 156, and this morning (I only weigh in on Sunday mornings)149!! Gord is doing about the same. I'm really liking the new way we are eating. Not that we ate too crappy before, but I was letting shit slide when we were both obviously overweight. I feel really good. And all my jeans are falling off of me. Maybe I won't have to wear "mom jeans" anymore..I'd like me a pair of boot cut Levis, like I used to wear. Mean and lean. Of course they won't be low cut, because I will forever have some belly fat. God gave me that little fat bulge, so I wouldn't get too into myself, and make porno movies. Balonie would be all over that, so I have to stay fat enough so she doesn't embarrass me.
Talking about food, we had the best supper last night. Gord loves hamburgers, so I thought he should have a treat. I bought a pound of bison burger yesterday. It is lean and had been accredited by the heart and stroke association. I grilled it on the barbeque with a dab or two of Tony Roma's BQ sauce on a whole wheat bun along with onions and a bean salad. It really hit the spot. We had no fat no sugar ice-cream for dessert and went to bed very satisfied. So, it can be done. It just takes a little time to get it all in place.
Sunday night supper:
Pork Loin Roast
Sweet and Sour Rice Medley (my own version)
Broccoli, Cauliflower and carrots sprinkled with low fat cheese. And lots of no salt seasonings...which all taste very good!!
I'm starting to like this no salt and sugar diet.
I've almost got it all done. Next weekend is a long weekend and I can finish it up, take it the accountant and pray.
We are still having "leakage" in the basement. Gord took the whole wall down today. Not good news...its cracked right from top to the bottom. So, we will have to get someone here to do it right. It's been three years of this already, so who needs this stress every spring. Forntuntaley we have enough "glop" in the bigger cracks to hold it together until spring run off subsides. But, we still have to clean up about twice a day. By the end of the week the ground will be warm enough to start letting the snow and water to drain into the the soil and not build up around the foundation. One more expense.........lardy.........love a duck! I will never be able to retire at this rate.
I bet you can't believe how much weight I have lost this past month with our new and improved dietary rules...guess? wrong!! lower!
I started at 156, and this morning (I only weigh in on Sunday mornings)149!! Gord is doing about the same. I'm really liking the new way we are eating. Not that we ate too crappy before, but I was letting shit slide when we were both obviously overweight. I feel really good. And all my jeans are falling off of me. Maybe I won't have to wear "mom jeans" anymore..I'd like me a pair of boot cut Levis, like I used to wear. Mean and lean. Of course they won't be low cut, because I will forever have some belly fat. God gave me that little fat bulge, so I wouldn't get too into myself, and make porno movies. Balonie would be all over that, so I have to stay fat enough so she doesn't embarrass me.
Talking about food, we had the best supper last night. Gord loves hamburgers, so I thought he should have a treat. I bought a pound of bison burger yesterday. It is lean and had been accredited by the heart and stroke association. I grilled it on the barbeque with a dab or two of Tony Roma's BQ sauce on a whole wheat bun along with onions and a bean salad. It really hit the spot. We had no fat no sugar ice-cream for dessert and went to bed very satisfied. So, it can be done. It just takes a little time to get it all in place.
Sunday night supper:
Pork Loin Roast
Sweet and Sour Rice Medley (my own version)
Broccoli, Cauliflower and carrots sprinkled with low fat cheese. And lots of no salt seasonings...which all taste very good!!
I'm starting to like this no salt and sugar diet.
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