A nice day of rain and some reading

I have read Jane Eyre many times before and also saw the movie on Masterpiece Theatre but that was a long time ago. So I got the book at the library the other day along with 4 others that I picked at random because I couldn't choose. I read the entire book in 48 hours...yes I skipped some crap, only because I wanted to get to the good parts I knew were coming. I loved it as usual.

Just when I thought I got my reading mojo back....I started to read another book (that I had picked at random)...and fell out of love with reading again.

I love books that are written in first person narration like Jane Eyre. You can get into the head of the writer. It's personal. When I started the other books they paled in comparison. Charlotte knew how to tell a story.

If I ever try to write a book it will be in the "first person".

If it quits raining I will be out in the back 40 tomorrow trying to clean up the apples that are falling from about 40 feet above. Man those suckers are big and when they hit the ground or the shed it sounds like a cannon went off. I have to make sure Penny is no where near that area. Or I might have to get a doggie hard hat for her.

I have been receiving all my cheques this month for unemployment and my CPP benefits ....holy moly I like this shit.....no work...but lots of money coming in. It doesn't get better than that.

We will need it for the new house.
Balonie....just a click away.........

I think I should quit making an ass out of myself

Time to grow up and smell the radishes. Or whatever.

I seem to be going through highs and lows this last few weeks. I don't know if it's just the lack of direction in my life or what. One minute I'm all gung ho...and an hour later I regret my decisions...such as the UTube thing. I took it off of Facebook, I was mortified this morning when I saw it. I looked like a pervert. Yeah things look different in the light of day than they did the evening before when you were still laughing at yourself and put it up. These ups and downs are getting on my nerves.

We will be going forward with the new house any day now. The heavy equipment should be there this week to excavate the basement. I know...I know...this is the a lot of the problem. It makes me very nervous building a brand new house at our age. So much could happen. And the money it will cost. Now I am focusing on getting this house ready for sale and watching HGTV on a continuous basis for tips.

So much to think about.

Actually making the video got me out of a bad slump I was in last week and I had fun with it. If I do it again I will try not to look like a Safety Pervert. I should concentrate on doing more helpful videos...such as: recycling your stool...see! there I go again. I cannot get serious. But I must. If I get serious I would probably cry. And there is nothing more pathetic than seeing an old lady sobbing with head gear on.

Sorry....but I really had a bad case of the blues today. I feel like I have lost control of my life as it was a few months ago. I wish it was winter. All these sunny warm days are pissing me off. In winter you can hole up inside without any guilt, summer beckons you to come outside and join the rest of the world. A world where I don't really fit in anymore.

But, I know all I have to do is get off my ass and find something to do other than sitting in this darn house and clean...sort off... I don't even do that very well.

Gord's dad used always say "tomorrow is a new day"....when things went wrong....so I will keep that in mind when I get up tomorrow.

balonie...it's gotta get better.

I don't always look as ugly as in the post below

I can clean up pretty good.

I'm not proud of this

I did the video

But blogger did not like it. Bastards.... So I will try to get it up on Vimeo tomrorrow...too tired out tonight to fight with that. It took blogger two hours to tell me that.
But it was fun....finally I did it. I will get it up an running tomorrow.

I look like a dink, sound like a dink....and am a dink. So let's get that part over with....and I will get the video on line tomorrow.

I did a few Poolie moves....but she's gotta give me more of her moves to make a real good video.

I'm kinda partial to dirt

I've been up in it all day.

Finally I have the back 40 in some kind of sense of order. The guy I married is of no help. None what so ever. He hurt his arm two weeks ago, and has been whining ever since. What gives? Men....they must have a really low pain threshold or they are just effin wusses.

It was windy today again as I was repairing all the damage in the back forty, and I could hear a lot of the huge trees ...creaking... not a good sign. I got hit on the head with falling apples more than once from the smaller trees. I made Penny sit under the pikanik table...just in case a piece of lumber decided to break loose. I found a hard hat in the garage and wore that for about two minutes before it pissed me off and I took it off. I looked and felt like an asshole. I also found a welder's helmet in the garage. It was so cool..it's almost like a burka style head piece. I'm planning on doing a video tomorrow where I will be demonstrating how to work safe in your backyard when you have unstable trees about 60 feet high swinging in the wind... while wearing head safety gear.

Penny's pretty good...when she hears a creak...she's under the table. I however, dive into bushes. And at my age that is not a pretty sight. Especially when I hit the raspberry patch. Ouch.. I'm still taking thorns out of my nose.

Bee Back....tomorrow....

What should I do?

Watch Regis & Kelly or mow the lawn.

Regis & Kelly it is. They are in Canada this week, so it's my duty to watch.

I really takes a long time for lunch to begin when you get up at 9:00 AM. I'm starving. Normally I only get up at 10:00.... I knowwwww....it's ridiculous but I can't get my ass out of bed. Today I started to feel guilty so I got up....and now I can't get motivated to do anything.

I promised myself I would try do one thing each day that I never had done on a week day before I was forced to retire.....heh I still won't let that go. So, this is how it went down last week:

Monday: I wore my watch upside down and on my other wrist.

Tuesday: I did not take a shower.

Wednesday: Took a tick off my dog.

Thursday: Made coconut macaroons.

Friday: Said hello to the mailman. He's kinda cute.

So, here we are at Monday again, and I can't figure out what new thing to do. I think might draw whiskers on my face with my eyebrow pencil. I'll let you know how that goes.

balonie...(starting to lose it).

Where in the heck have I been?

I didn't know you could change up your template this easy. Obviously I have not been blogging enough lately.

And if you know me even a little bit, you will know I will try every damn one of them.

Be prepared.

balonie.....going "holy shit."

It's me and Penny these days..

My dog is looking at me...with her big brown eyes...and going, hey when can we finally go for a walk! Well Penny as much as I love you .. it will be never...ever unless the entire population of our area moves out. Then you will have no opportunity to lunge at people passing us on the sidewalk....or if you see another dog....turn into a fucking animal...hmmm yes I get that....

But why do you do dis shitz? Mama wants to know. You are ten years old, and you should know better. Time I get's you to boot camp. Or we could just play in the backyard and you will never sniff another dogs piss ever again. I know, it's like crack to you. You are such a loving dog and likes everyone who comes in the house....but outside on the street it is a different story....I think you are trying to protect me, but I really have no idea how your dog brain works. All I know in order not to get sued ...we should stick to the back yard.

You have no idea how boring you have made your life. Now that I am "ummm" in forced retirement we could be doing so much shit....but no....you want to go after anyone that comes near me. Well damit Penny, I was looking forward to long walks in the park with you when I finally had the time and you are as stupid as when we didn't have the time.

I'm going to try a really early morning run when no doggies and people are around....providing I can get my ass out of the bed. Hopefully there will be fresh piss and shit for you to smell ... little one.

balonie.... smelling shit?

100 years ago I was a teenager

I had all the angst that went along with it. In grade nine I decided I wanted to be a cheerleader. In those days when I made up my mind to do something there was no turning back. I went for it. My grades weren't good enough but I promised I would bring them up to standard if they would give me a chance to try out. They did. And I made the team.


I have always been awkward, my feet never went where my brain said they should go, and I couldn't hold a tune either. So, school for me was a struggle, because if you wanted to do extra stuff you had to be athletic or you could sing. I could do neither. Let's remember this is a small school in the 1960's in a small Mennonite town. So I faked it. In choir they asked me to "only move my lips" because my singing was confusing the rest of them and put them off tune. I probably should not have sung so LOUD. But of course I wanted to be noticed. So, in order to stay in choir I moved my lips...but I could sing anything in a very low range...and I joined in on that. I called myself an "Alto." heh....I was a dumb fuck. Seriously.

The cheer leading gig was short lived, and it only lasted one season, but I really did have a good time. We travelled to all the surrounding towns and cheered our team on. But the next year I couldn't even try out, because I had let my grades plummet. It was all about boys....my parents wanted me to get a decent education and insisted I study...and study...and I just mooned over boys and movie stars. I blame it all on James Darren who starred in the movie Gidget. He got my teenie bopper hormones blazing... oh yeah and Troy Donahue!

I am the one on the end on the top picture and the one in the background on the second one. Siss Boom Bah!


So I switched over to public speaking....anything to get attention.. The school had a "Speech Arts Festival" where kids from town and the surrounding districts would complete. I was in there like a dirty shirt. I participated two years in a row. We had to recite poetry. The first year I chose "If" by Rudyard Kipling. Now it is clear to me that I had no concept of this poem at 15 years of age. I did not get this poem. You need life experience to get this poem. That. did. not. stop.me. Most of the poem were only words to me...and dramatics I could apply to it when I thought they needed applying.... I started out dramatically:



If ... by Rudyard Kipling (I screamed out IF so loud it shook the rafters in the auditorium).


If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;



.... I had no idea what Rudyard was talking about.... I was making little heart notes in my diary about my latest crush as I was memorizing this poem. Hey there were lies and hating..I got that part of it.... and to emphasize the words I would put a scowl on my face and viciously form the words and spit them out at the audience. One of my finest moments.


If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposter's just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;



...This all seemed very noble to me, and I started to respect this guy, but then I think I got lost with the twisting of knaves and the trapping of the fools. Nor could I fathom watching the things you gave your life to broken, and stooping to build them up with worn out tools. Tools, what kind of tools? A hammer? huh...




If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";



...This means a lot to me now...then it was just words I was supposed to speak. And I spoke them with a lot of energy....when I yelled HOLD ON the entire audience jumped up. I think I shook my finger at them too to emphasize the fact that they should indeed HOLD ON. I'm amazed I didn't shout out "hold on and back up the truck Jake."




If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!



...This too was lost on me, I never got the...with sixty seconds' worth of distance run shit..but I really liked the end... Here I brought down the tone of my voice by about 100 octaves and whispered "You'll be a Man my son" with so much drama, you could have heard a pin drop. With that I blew the audience a kiss and made my exit. I was pretty sure I was going to win because ... people clapped at the end. Now I realize they were just so thankful it was over. It seems I was even a dumber fuck than I remember.



The Adjudicator who gave me my marks for my poem....prefaced her remarks by saying that I had done a good job of memorizing the poem, but apparently I was unclear of the entire concept of the poem. In the future I might tone down the dramatics and attempt a poem more within my grasp. Huh...whaaaat you say? I had just given the performance of my lifetime, and she had the nerve to say I didn't get the poem? I was devastated, until my mom assured me that I did indeed do a very good job of memorizing it which a lot of the other kids had trouble with. With that I took third prize with much pride and made plans for next year. (note:there were only 4 contestants in this category). The forth one must have really stunk the place up.