I have a disease which is called "low self esteem"...I know it sounds like a catch phrase, but I watched a thing on TV today, which totally opened my eyes. She, was so much like me. Always needing approval, bending over backwards doing for others and not getting any rewards. Always afraid to ask the boss for a raise, just in case he might say "you aren't good enough." The big ole fraidy cat. She was me.

Those days are gone my friends, I'm ready to kick some ass. I have the clothes, the closet to hang them in, plus my handbag to give me the confidence to move on up, as well as the knowledge that makes me keep kissing peoples asses. I'm tired of doing it, and I won't anymore. (you will be proud of me Andie). I not gonna take me no more shitz.

Gord will have to get used to the NEW balonie, I will not suck up to him anymore, asking about this and that. He can tell me, if he feels unwell without me asking..over and over, and if he doesn't like the meals I make... Go out and have yourself a big ole cheeseburger, and croak in the parking lot. It's up to you man. I can't stop you.

That shopping trip on Friday, changed my way of thinking. I actually felt good about myself. It's really bad when you thow your entire self into someone else and worry only about them, whether they care or not. He does care, but I have got so dang controlling, I think I have scared him half to death. (Don't ask me how many times I have made him go to the Doc these last two weeks.) The Doc says he fine, and once again, I have over reacted.

So, I'm not doing any of that shit again. I promise. I will be fine, and he will be finer, without me annoying the crap out of him everytime he make says tells me he is going to be doing some heavy work.

I'll let you guys know tommorow if I get that raise, that I so much deserve.