In the spirit of Elvis week... I bring you

"YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A SCHWEINHUND" .."CRYING ALL TIME."

JimBob it's so worth the 5 bucks "merican." Where do I send my money order? I promise I won't post your address on the ENTIRE INTERNET.

When I saw these little piggies ON A FREE TEMPLATE I caved. There are hundred more, so I will be changing it on a weekly basis. The bet is now over, sorry bud. I am weak.

So, let's talk about Elvis.

I was 14 and "crying all the time"...because my dad called him "swivel hips"... and made fun of him on the Ed Sullivan show, WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WATCH! There was nothing more humiliating to a ripening teenager than having a father, mother and an asshole little brother making fun of Elvis..WHILE I was WAS TRYING TO WATCH HIM SWIVEL.

Dad: We aren't going to watch Ed Sullivan tonight, it's just that "Elvis the pelvis" guy.

Joanie: Are trying to ruin my life?

Dad: No, we will turn the channel back to Ed, when the Acrobats come back on.

Joanie: (Now sitting in front of the TV, so nobody can come over and switch the channel).

Dad: Move over, we're going to watch the hockey game, and come back to Ed later.

Joanie: ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE!

Dad: Yes

Joanie: Tearful by now...sobbing .. "why is everyone always against me"..whaaa whaa, I can't watch anything I want to..whaa whaa, while asshole brother is fueling the flames with his two cents worth. Bastard.

Dad: Okay, already, he's on right now........... and he sang, and he swivelled and I swooned and I mooned to his tunes. I blocked out all the outside chatter about the pelvis crap. I was officially in love. We could hardly pick up TV reception in the country, so he was kind of blurry, but in my minds eye, I knew, he was the one for me. Until Prisilla came along..whoa didn't he get my letter from..THE PRESIDENT..of the Elvis Fan Club of Altona? I guess not, because he broke my heart, but I never stopped loving him as only a 14 year old could.

I had an old record player, my neighbour had given me, it only played 78's. A huge record with only one song on it. The first record I ever bought was "Don't" by Elvis. It was so romantic, I would lie in bed at night playing it over and over while my new found hormones sucked him into my soul, or thighs, I'm not sure.

It was an era I will never forget, I was so crazy about the new music that was evolving, and when Richie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a airplane crash, I damn near blew a fuse. After they died, someone wrote a song, I can't remember the name of it, but some of the lyrics were: Look up to the sky,up towards the North, there are two bright stars shining..laaa laa..(can't remember)..but every night before I went to bed I looked up toward the North from my bedroom window, and found those two bright shining stars up towards the North, and cried for them. And then there was Buddy Holly...man I loved him too.

I don't listen to music much anymore. I got stuck in the70's and 80's and left it there. Because every time I hear a tune, I remember the events that led up that period of time, and some are good, and some are just damn terrible. Sometimes I put on Melanie, and listen to "Candles in the Rain" and weep for my younger days. Kris Kristofferson makes me cry too. So, I have put most of them to bed. I still loves me some Janis Joplin and Gracie Slick, and Joe Cocker tunes. I get the music in me after hearing a few of them, and start tapping my toes, swinging my arms, dancing, and winding up in the E.R. Lord.

So....how's the pig template working for youse guys? "Snort"... I'm going to get a little mileage out of this one!!

I just finished supper in the back 40, had me a few ole corn cobs and some crab grass, and later slid on my back in a pile of wet bird and dog shit..gawwd it felt good. Had me a drink at the pond, which I refilled after those bastard blackbirds emptied it yesterday, and went back to the pig pen and porked this first pig I saw. I doesn't get better than that.

How goes it in your pig pen?