I'm making soup

I was in a "soup making mood" today. I threw everything in it except the kitchen sink. So gone, are Gordon, Penny, my sofa, our Archie Bunker recliners, and lets not forget my old wall hanging from the 80's. I had to get a bigger pot after I shoved Gord in there...man his legs just wouldn't fit in the pot. I took off his ugly old housecoat off him first because I didn't want the stank of old housecoat in my soup. Other than that, it smells pretty good. So, I'm pretty sure nobody wants this recipe, so I won't be posting it to my recipe site. I can post it here because I don't give a hairy rats ass who reads this drivel.

1 - ole man
1 - ole dog
1- ole sofa
2 - ole Archie Bunker recliners...that have been farted on ... a lot.
1 - ole wall hanging.....with swirly bits of orange, brown and beige and dust.
3- Slices of smoked ham- cubed about 1/4" inch each..depending on what you can get in your area.
1/2 - cup chicken broth
2 - cups water
1 - can of mixed beans
1 - can of diced tomatoes, the smaller one
1 - onion diced
2 - sticks of celery
2 - potatoes cubed
5- carrots sliced
1/2 - cup frozen peas
1/2- cup frozen corn
Pepper to taste... I like a lot ..and little bit of garlic powder, and most importantly...
Summer Savoury.....Summer Savoury makes any soup come alive...trust me. It almost revived Gord, Penny and all my furniture. I had to knock them back down into the soup. bastards...

Let simmer for about two hours. Serve with crusty rolls.

I was a little saddened that I didn't have any fresh dill, I like to throw that in to the mix as well.

Once I had all this shit crammed into my massive pot of soup, I didn't miss them (Gord and Penny) that much....the smell was marvy..... But I have to admit, I didn't like the smell of the fart laden recliners...it was a "who did it in their pants" kind of smell, so I sprayed the soup with some "Febreze".. and wow, it started to smell like "Rocky Springs"....just the taste I was going for.

From what I smell right now, I'm sure I will like it, even if they aren't here to be with me. If I knew they would have been that tasty I would have put both of them in the pot A VERY LONG TIME AGO. Then, at least I would have time for myself.