4 days off..yesssssssss

The rain has been insidious it never stops. Today it rained so hard I couldn't see my way home. I had to stop on the road and let it pass. I don't think I have ever seen weather like this before. I had the heat on this morning in the house, because it was cold, damp and almost freezing. Most mornings when I go to work I have the heater on in my truck. It's so totally wrong. I'm not really a sun lover, I like nothing better than warm weather, overcast and maybe a mild mist. Something you would experience in the mountains. But this shit is obnoxious.

I deluded myself in believing that I would love sleeping in this morning with the pitter patter of rain falling on the roof. It pitter pattered alright...it sounded like freaking golf balls were coming down...so there went my wonderful sleep-in morning.

Got up, scratched my ass, turned on the heat, and the coffee. I thawed up in the shower and then started to make plans for my day off. I took a day of holidays, and it's the long weekend so I'm on a roll.

My list:

Shake my fist at the heavens to stop the rain
Get 2 gigs of ram put in my laptop
Go shopping for groceries
Pick up stuff for Gord at Office Depot and some software for me
Return two shirts I bought 3 weeks ago to Zellers
Clean up our storage room with old business files and shred them
Put all new files in the new wonderful containers I bought last week that are still in the back of the truck
Make a new batch of wine...I'm running on empty here folks
Play with dog (the rain put that on hold) but we did have inside hiding of the ball and running.


This is what got done:

I shook my fist at the heavens and told my old friend God to stop it, but I'm thinking he has kidney problems, because it never stopped. I'm good with that. Even God gets old.

I started out in my truck and got about three blocks before I realized that I HAD NOT taken my lap top with me to get a face lift. I procrastinated for about 5 minutes, thinking, well I can do this tomorrow because I didn't want to go all the way back home...blah blah... I made myself turn around and go and pick it up.

I went to Office Depot and picked up the stuff Gord ordered, and then I went looking for anything I didn't need. Never leave me unattended in a office supply store. Yes, I bought some software I think I need. yeah huh sure.

Went to the computer place, and God dripped all over me. Oy, it was raining so hard, but I dashed in the store with my laptop. It's a good thing I had a hoodie ... yeah I know... I have a hoodie fetish, but it saved my hair and part of the laptop as I dashed in. I took the guy 15 minutes to get 2 gigs of ram in and take 80.00 bucks out of my wallet. Money well spent. I remember the price of ram years ago. It looked so easy and he didn't even charge me for installing it.

I was all set to go to Zellers to take back the shirts, but I felt the need to procrastinate again. The store is about 2 miles away, and it was raining, and I would rather go to the Superstore next door where everything you need from electronics to groceries are UNDER ONE ROOF. I was tired of wiping off my glasses after running in every damn store.

Once there. I was able to relax because I knew this was my last stop. Plus I didn't have to rush because I am on holiday. I bought the premade pizza dough I had been looking at for about a month. I walked slowly around all the isles, just because I could. Normally I am doing a marathon because I don't have time to look at stuff. I bought an air fresher that goes "psst" every 30 minutes and sprays up a refreshing smell, a smell that smells better than my house.

Man, when it gets humid like this, the smell of every animal I have ever had that shit or pissed on the carpet makes itself known no matter how many times you clean the carpet. I guess that goes for people who have kids that barf and shit on them too. I am so glad I don't live in a humid climate. In our next house, it will be hardwood floors. Hey, the little guy just went "psst" again, very cool. It's a really nice mellow smell, chamomile and lavender. Anything strong gives yours truly a huge head ache.

After I finished touching everything in the store...marking my territory so to speak.. I did something I have never had time to do before.

I went to the "self serve checkout." I was feeling "ballsy." Plus I had the time. Normally I just wait in line in the 15 items or less checkout, but today I said what the fuck..what the fuck, yes I said it two times in my head. There was a nice young lady who was overlooking the whole thing, and I asked her to walk me through it because I had never done it before. I never ask for help. But I didn't want to start up on it and look like an asshole.

She walked me through it...and it was so easy. I love scanning stuff! I pressed all the right buttons and got my receipt. I asked the next guy in line if I could scan his stuff because I was right into it. He declined. He said his kids loved doing it. Damn.

I didn't get back in time to do all the other stuff. But, I alway's bite off just a little more than I can chew. But I did have time to load the software I bought. I hope it makes my life easier now that I have a few days to make DVD's.

I did make a pizza. I predict it will taste like shit, but the crust looked so good, I may be wrong. Gord will be home soon ....so who better to poison.? WHAT?...

My ride this summer

It really is..an Excalibur..year 1977. Belongs to my brother in law who doesn't have room in his garage of vintage and new vehicles this year. Poor baby never gets to see the light of day. So we are babysitting it.

Gord took the picture when was humping the bumper. It's apparent I didn't dress well for the occasion. I have my sweats on and my granny slippers. Plus I don't know what's going on with my hair. But the ole girl didn't mind me sitting on her. She's not that young herself. I just realized I called the car a "girl" ...well I guess we have a Lesbian relationship.. we bonded. Both our bumpers met ass on.

This is just what I needed to get myself out of the slump. I'm going to take her out for many a spin this summer. And take pictures.

I'm betting I will make a lot of new friends...only because the car is so unusual ...and I might meet a lot of hot guys....oh shit ..did I say that out loud? I may have to lose the granny slippers, my hoddie and sweat pants.

Note to self: Shave your legs, moustache, pluck the eyebrows, and for god's sake "do something with your hair." And of course, get some clothes that don't make you look like a bag lady.

I will work on it.

That ole car needs me, and I need her. We are going to have some fun.

Monday monday..can't trust that day...

I'm wearing two band aids and I had a pile of dog shit on my rug when I came home from work.

First I cut my finger when I was cleaning out the the blender.... and then I played rough with the dog, who doesn't know my skin is made of parchment. No need going to a blood bank, I lost most of mine in the sink.

Actually, I feel better after a little blood letting. Not that I felt bad before, but I think it took all the bad blood out of me. I might think about getting leaches. And let them suck it all up. I just wish I could have put them in the pile of dog shit and let them suck that up. Phew....poor Penny, I knew I shouldn't have given her roast beef last night.

So, I know it's been awhile, and I was thinking off packing this baby up and waving goodbye. But, some of my good friends talked me out it last night...on face book. I feel bad, I wasn't fishing, I was serious. I don't know ... I have been having a lot of moments lately.

So, here I am again.

Let's see if I can do another year....or a month..whatever.

balonie

It's been a journey

From XP to Vista. At work.

Sorry folks I have not been paying attention to everyone because I spent every minute since Friday dwelling on how to change over my files, etc. from my old computer to the new computer, which happens to be Vista. My computer ..she is the happening place...the mother of our workgroup of four.

So, all the files had to be transferred over...before anyone can work. Easier said than done. It all went to shit. I tried everything... the transfer cables etc...which bombed out just.....just ... before the transfer was complete. The guys in the office kept on insisting this had to work.

So, being an old fashioned do do head, I told the "know it all" guys in the office, "I'm doing it my way." Because we had to start using the computers!

I put a CD in and transferred all the files to them. Many, many CD's and copied them to my new computer. Yeah...I know...stupid, but effective. It worked.

Then we had reprogram the workgroup shit and the printers.........fuck. If I knew it was going to be such a big deal, I would have just kept my old Dell, which was running on empty...and just plugged along at 30 mph. After I took the Dell off my desk, I looked at the back of it...holy shit, it must have a ton of dust on the fan blades...and I can't imagine what the inside of it looks like. No wonder the poor ole girl was chugging. I will clean her up and with a little more ram she will work for someone else that needs a computer in the shop.

But I have a new computer. And I am loving Vista. Everyone told me I would hate it...what? It is great. So far. Knock on wood. Or knock on my head.

Knock Knock. Who's there?... nobody as usual...damn.

My new haircut

I bet you thought I was going to bitch about, but I'm not. It looks a whole lot better than the birds nest I had happening on my head. I'm a wash and wear kinda girl. I don't have time to mess with it. And when it starts messing with me I get troubled.

Troubled.

So, how is everyone?

I had a good weekend. Got all the toilet stains out, plucked out a stray gray hair out of my eyebrow, did the laundry, made the dog play with me, and spent the major part of the afternoon doing bookwork for the business. Made sweet and sour pork tenderloin pieces along with basmati rice and a nice fresh salad. And that's it. Opps..now we are going to have strawberries and ice-cream in a few minutes. Well, not real ice-cream...low fat ice-cream. That ice-cream is so so low in fat...it should be called white ice. But it's not bad considering.

It's still so cold out here you can't really sit out on the deck at night. And winter is just a few months away. It's very weird. My raspberries still haven't ripened. They should have done that three weeks ago! All my flowering plants are staying dormant. They bloom, but they need the heat and the sun because they don't have any vibrant colours they usually have.

Plus we are having another week of rain predicted. Lord, we are drenched.

Off to eat some low fat ice-cream. And go to bed and cuddle up with my two best friends.

I know, I am boring. Yikes I wish I could get a thoughtful sentence out, but it's one of those days again my friends.

I'll be checking in on your blogs next week.

Yesterday we had a dilemma Dumb & Dumber

Just as I was sitting down at the computer, Gord was sitting down at the TV behind me. I had just logged into blogger and thinking, wow I really feel like posting today.

No sooner was I logged on, I heard the words of doom. "How come the BIG TV doesn't have a connection to satellite and the little TV in the kitchen does? Well, I knew it was over right there and then. They are hooked together, they should operate as one. We pulled everything apart, I went down into the basement and fiddlefucked with the cables. We had a few heated moments, because it just didn't make sense that one TV worked and the other one THE BIG ONE...had a pretty little logo dancing around the screen saying "you have no signal."

It was taunting us.

And the TV's were about 10 feet apart, yet in different rooms. The little one is on the counter in my kitchen, and THE BIG ONE is in the TV room adjacent to it. You can't have too many TV's packed in a 3 square foot area. But, they both serve a separate purpose... ah huh. One is for when I cook in the kitchen and the other one is when we go around the corner to another open area room and watch THE BIG TV. Got it? I didn't think so. Nevermind.

We did the old fart thing, changed up all the batteries in the remotes, I went down in the basement and got up on the dryer in the laundry room so I could reach the electrical panel to seek out a problem I had no idea about. Gord, meanwhile was on the floor in the TV room, disconnecting and reconnecting shit he didn't have a clue about. While I was yelling up from downstairs...IS IT ON NOW? ... He would reply WHAT...forfucksakes. TURN THE OTHER TV DOWN SO YOU CAN HEAR ME!

Finally about an hour later, I asked him call his brother who installed the TV. He didn't want to because you, you know...pride. Finally he did. As he was sitting in a little hole behind the TV I handed him his Cell phone and he called his brother. His brother immediately told him his settings on his remote control had been tampered with.

Someone's big ass had sat on the remote and changed it from Video 1 to Video 2...or it could be the other way around I don't know. But hey, we were back in the 20th century.

I pride myself to be computer literate, because I come from and age where most people thought I was nuts. I had a commodore 64 man. And upgraded myself to this point. But holy smokes, give me a TV remote, I am lost. I guess you have to really use stuff like that to know it.

We rarely rent movies, and when we do, awwwwgeez it's always...where is that piece of paper where I wrote the instructions. I know it's so simple...so simple! Yet if you don't do it on a on going basis, you forget.

But I don't think I will forget this. We seriously thought it was a problem will our Bell dish. That is how dumb we are.

I knocked on both of our heads last night...and they seemed to be hollow. Like a over ripe cantaloupe. Past it's prime.

I got a new computer at work today. It's been a very interesting day uploading all my files to the new Vista computer from my old XP. Actually Vista makes it very easy. My old computer is probably still chugging up the files to the new one as we speak. Good grief ..talk about slow. I now have all the new bells and whistles. And yes, I know most people don't like Vista, but I needed a new computer because mine holds all the network files and it was bogged down tighter than a fart.

Now, if I post a blog from work it will be so fast, you might not even be able to see it.

See how that works?

So, if I post and I don't get any comments, I will know that my computer is just to freaking fast.

Yes, I am an asshole. But we all know that.

It's still raining

But I caught a rainbow, before it started up again.

I started a blog a few hours ago, and ditched it...lord I was whining. So a took a few hours off, watched the rain, had a really good supper and did an attitude adjustment. Sometimes I let the small stuff get to me. Then you have to look at the big picture. Which I am doing right now.

Penny is laying at my feet, Gord is snoring in bed, and the rain is falling ever so gently outside. So, whatever my bitches were before seem so insignificant now.

I love the rainy nights. It calms my soul. WHAT... you didn't think I had one? Well I do. You will see me in heaven. I will be the one selling balonie sandwiches at the gate. I got an in with Saint Pete.

Enough of this bullshit....I gotta go to bed ... another storm is coming and I got to get off of here.

Still can't get in the grove

For lack of anything new in my life. I am going to take a page out of Mimi Smartypant's blog to make up for it. She sort of made up a list of stuff she likes and dislikes. Mimi slays me. She has a wicked sense of humour and is a really good writer.


UNSEXY THINGS I MAY HAVE ALLEGEDY SAID DURING SEXY TIMES:

My thumb hurts.

What is the dog doing down there?

Where are you?

I have a cramp in my leg.

Turn off that fucking cel phone!

That's better.


THINGS I WILL ALWAYS WATCH, NO MATTER HOW CHEESY OR POORLY CRAFTED THE MEDIA:

All My Children

Jon & Kate

Friends

Anything on HGTV

American Idol

Two and half men

CNN news

WHAT I SAY TO THE DOG WHEN WE’RE ALL ALONE:

How's my stinkerwinker?

Time for beddieweddie.

Pennypoops here's your kibblewibble.

Let me see your footsie wootsie...while trying to clip her nails and she is trying eat my face!

Give momma a big kiss (while I hold my nose with a clothes pin) her breath smells like pond scum.

Where is: her balls...well not really her own balls because she's a girl..heh...

Where is beigie, where is bluie, where is yellow belly, where is orangie...you see where I'm going here, they are all the same type of ball with a different colour. It's just sick. But she is so smart she will bring any colour you ask her to.

I sing a song ..Penny Penny Bo Penny, Penny....and go right through the whole damn thing. It's very sad. But she loves nothing better than to hear me sing. I can't say that for anyone else.

People, this is my life. Send money.

It rained so hard today...

The cars parked in front of my building at work were flooded.

I took pictures with my cel phone, but I have no idea how to take them off.

Note to self: read the manual.

Sorry for not posting too much anymore, but I'm in a slump. Or a dump?

You choose.

It's summer in the city

I spent a lot of time doing yard work during my brief two day vacation...not counting Canada Day and the weekend. Stat's never count, nor do weekends.

I never lifted my head off my pillow before 11:00 AM all five days. I am new woman! Other than the unfortunate shopping trip where I lost my trousers ... it went well.

The back 40 still looks like a dog's breakfast because it was reseeded and we can't mow it for another week or so. But everything else is coming along. I really resent summer, because you bust your ass trying to get all the crap winter has thrown at it back into shape, and then it's fall? WTF, whose idea of a good time is that? Not mine brother.

I stained my deck, and stained my new picnic table. Gord and I put it together last Sunday. And I am proud to report no one got hit on the head with a 2x4. We acted like adults. I was close to taking him out a few times, but I held my wicked tongue between my clenched teeth, and ran up the stairs to the house for about the 2,345th. time to get a different screwdriver, hammer, measuring tape, a pencil for marking the 2x4 I had being eying up if he was going to give me grief, the table instructions, a cold drink, .... but then I the was the go-fer and he was da man who built it. And he did a good job. No 2x4 for him, this time. He even put the bench seat back a little further than most picnic tables. I hate trying to wiggle into those things. Now we have lots of room. In case I grow. And it is spaced far enough so Penny can jump up on the bench and on to the table. THE TABLE, you say, yes the table..we don't eat on it. Penny loves sitting up there. I put the table out in the garden today, and we can sit there and she has her kibble and snack, playtime and drinks out of the pond when she is thristy. I just love it.

Hey, she's old, I spoil the crap out of her. I'm just thankful she can run around again and have fun. No more pain.

Just a few pic's of the on going struggle. The pond is almost good to go. I will take more of that later.




Notice...I forgot to stain the edge....fart, now I will have to get the paint can back out and the brush...oy so much work of one edge.

This is what I did on my vacation..Day 1

by: Joan Balonie Grade 3

Slept in until 10:30.

Had a shower, made coffee.

The milk I poured in my coffee was "off"..had to use creamer....fucked up my morning.

Had lunch - uneventful. Watched an episode of "All My Children"...Told Erica to kiss my ass, and turned it off.

Went to home Depot to buy stain to paint my deck and new picnic table. AND to buy light bulbs!!

Someone help me out here, I know I don't get out that much, but WHAT IN THE HELL? You can't buy a light bulb anymore. All they had were these energy efficient screwy looking things. Plus some round creepy ugly ones. I bought a whole bunch of my favorite (pastel pink) 60 watt bulbs there sometime this winter....now they were ALL GONE. Where will I get my ambient light bulbs from. I hate nothing more than bright lights. I have dimmer switches in every room in the house. But the problem is with my 4,567 lamps I own. I'm a lamp junkie. And with the price of one of these energy efficient ass hole bulbs I will be out on the street driving my shopping cart full of carpet remnants...blubbering... hip dee dee da huh.

I was really pissed off. So, I went to Canadian Tire, surely they would have a regular light bulb, even if it wasn't a 60 watt Pastel Pink bulb. I found 4-60 watt regular bulbs wayyyyyyyyy down under a bunch of shit on the shelves. I think they were trying to hide them. This was really putting a dark cloud on my holiday I tell ya.

It was getting too late to do any painting, so I just kept on going. Finally I ended up at Zellers and started to look for some clothes.

I didn't have any plans to go clothing shopping today, because if I knew that, I would not have gone into a store dressed like I was. I was dressed to go hardware shopping...not for clothes.

I was wearing an over sized black hoodie sweatshit, blue very light weight sweatpants that have a tie string..not elastic at the waist (wait..that will tie in to another story) blue waffle weave socks and peacock blue lacy looking flat shoes. You see it was cold this morning. Really cold, and I dressed for it, granted, not fashionably, but I didn't factor in the possibility of the sun coming out in the afternoon. And it did, big time.

I had a problem with my pants right off the bat. The tie string kept on getting loose, and I had to keep hiking them up every two minutes. At Home Depot I had to go off to a private corner behind a garden tractor and hike them up, and re-tie the string thing a number of times. When I got to Canadian Tire, I ducked between two plastic plants in the Home Decor section to pull them up. So, when I got to Zellers and was looking at clothes, they started to slide again. I was getting a little irritated by then and just kept on pulling them up discretely..mind you.

Later I was browsing in the garden centre, looking at all the neat patio tables etc. I spied a box with a picnic tent in it, and thought it looked interesting, and tried to take it off the shelf, not realizing it weighed 6,79 pounds. As I pulled on it ..it came down and pushed me backwards, but I caught it before it hit the floor. Well, I didn't really catch it, I sort of wore it because it fell on me. I didn't get hurt, I jumped up quickly, butttttt my pants didn't. This time the tie had come undone all the way...my pants were a loose cannon, there was nothing to hold them up. I grabbed them as fast as I could, fortunately nobody was in that isle, but just as I was tying them back up, I had to adjust my panties that had slide down a notch .. a man walked by me. A MAN. I know he saw me with my hands down my pants. I tried to get away as fast as I could, but he didn't really seem to care what I was doing in my pants, he just wanted to talk about the lousy way Zellers prices their product. We talked for almost 10 minutes and he never even looked at my pants. I guess he had other things on his mind.

It didn't end there...and I swear to you this is a true story..all of it.

I went into the dressing room and tried on some really cute clothes. I was so happy, because they all fit. I started to put everything back on their hangers to take back out, then put my black hoodie on, then put my shoes back on, and started out the door.

What do you think I forgot to put back on? YES, my pants! I had one foot out the door before I realized those fuckers were still sitting in a puddle on the floor. AHHHHH, they are so light it's like not wearing anything at all, and I guess I never missed them. After all they had been sitting half way down my hips the entire day!!

When I came home I threw them in the garbage. No more pyjama type pants for me.

Tomorrow is painting day. Good luck with that ey? I'm going to wear old lady elastic pants.