If you were my Canon digital camera ... where would you be?

A.)  In my purse.

Wrong!  There is nothing in my purse other than my wallet, grocery receipts and a used condom I found on the street.

B.)  In my camera case on my desk.

Wrong!  That would be the logical place to be, so it couldn't possible be there...and it's not.  One possibility is that it my digital camera tripod (which is beside the camera case) grew to life and ran away with the camera and traded it to the natives for dried fish, ferret pelts, and budgie feathers.  The tripod is still there, but I'm sure it only came back to put me off the trail.  I tried to make it walk today, but it just stood there.  Bastard.

C.)  In the fridge. 

Wrong!  I looked.  The last time I used the camera was last Friday night.  Friday night is wine sipping and pizza night so looking in the fridge was not a stretch.  I never checked the freezer, not that wouldn't be a stretch either but I can't bear the thought of seeing my camera freezer burnt.

D.)  In my pantie drawer.

Wrong!  I opened the drawer but didn't look directly inside of it.  I just felt my way around for a medium sized metal object.  I found none.  All I could feel were all my panties trying to get away from my prying fingers.  Apparently they are still a little miffed at me using their drawer to house other undergarments not associated with covering your ass.

E.)  On the patio table where I often take pictures.

Wrong!  It wasn't on the table, under the table, or beside the table.  However, I do have a theory of what may have transpired.  CROWS.  Crows like shiny things don't they?  We have a lot of crows this year and my neighbour lady found a dead one on her patio yesterday.  My theory is he swept down and grabbed the camera by the hand strap and flew into her back yard with it.  The considerable weight of it may have dragged him down and he struck his head on her very large and ugly stone statue of some Greek Goddess.  I asked her if she had seen my camera and she had not.  The rest of the crows in the yard all shook their head in agreement.  Was this a conspiracy among the crows?  Did one of the crows find the camera flung from the dead crows beak in the bushes and made off with it...or not?  The crows and I have had a long standing feud going on and this may have been "payback" time. But at this point I cannot retaliate because I don't have my Canon to shoot them with!!


I have checked every nook and cranny of this house and it just isn't here.  I finally searched and found my old Kodak camera but the battery was dead and I couldn't find the charger thingamajig.  Finally after practically unearthing the house I found it.  So, for the time being I will still be able to take pictures. 

I am absolutely drained with all this searching!!

And no I don't think the dog "et" it...although lately every time she yawns I see a hear a click and a flash comes out of here mouth.