You ain't seen nothing yet

I have only been on "holiday" for one day....and everything went to shit. I was hoping for no interruptions ... just a peaceful transition from the work place to the home place.

My first wish came true, it rained this morning. My wish to was to lay in bed and hear the rain, and not have to get up and go to work. And do a sleepy slumber. I heard the rain alright, but I did not factor in all the wildlife, who seem to have a flight path over our house. First it was a fucking crow, he was cawing his brains out for about 20 minutes...then a huge gaggle of geese drowned out his asshole caws. When he finally flew off, the squirrels had a stand off right outside our bedroom window. Stupidsquirrel had inadvertently landed on even stupidersquirrels territory. It was game on. They were even climbing up the stucco of the house... racing around like their tails were on FIRE. Right outside my window. The racing part was okay, but the noises they make were unbelievable. And of course, then the dog with three legs wants to be let outside to chase them. Yeah, get a life dog, you ain't going nowhere.

Finally all the ruckus stopped, and the rain started up again.. I looked at my alarm clock which registered 8:30AM (the time I have to be at work) I smiled and pulled the covers over my head and had the best rain snooze ever until 10:00AM.

Note to self: In the new house do not grow a tree beside your bedroom window. Never. Ever.

Did you think that this was the end of it? Wrong. Day 1 one of my holiday consisted of the dog still running around on three legs, Gord coming home and had screwed up his bad knee and his good knee, and I can't walk on my left foot..because the ball of it is inflamed and giving me cramps!

So welcome to my world...senior citizen style. One day someone is going to have come here and get us out of our lovely 4 level split..with a scissor lift.

We are so close to building a bungalow, so...so.. close let's see who wins.

My side bar fell down

And can't get back up. I think I will just leave it there.

I was fudging around with the dimensions of the post area, because it is too darn narrow and it pushed it down. I guess I will have to go back in and re-adjust it again. whenever.........

Wow, the weather is great like summer should be

But for the majority of the day I did sweet "f" all. Oh yeah, I made "half crazy" pickles. We Mennonites have such a way with words don't we. By half crazy, I mean they weren't canned, and only half done. We call that CRAZY. I just boiled up the vinegar, water and salt and added it to jars of sliced up cukes with a bunch of dill and garlic in them. Cool em off, put them in the fridge...and Bob's your uncle. Great for sandwiches. You should probably use them within a few weeks. I didn't have any canning jars, so I used a few old store bought pickle jars I had saved.





I just finished prepping our supper. And other stuff for the rest of the week.


I am sitting on the deck, and it is lovely. Not a breath of wind, which is unusual for these parts. It's kind of hard typing because normally I have my wireless keyboard, b u t...someone forgot it out in the rain last weekend. It went to shit. I'ts more comfortable I can just put in on my lap and sit back on my chair and type. Now I got my friggin nose in the screen.

My brother and SIL showed up last night at Attitude Adjustment hour. Wow, I haven't seen them for so long. It was so good to see them. We caught up on a lot of stuff.

I am nervous....I am grilling steak on the BQ tonight, and I always fuck it up...always. We go in with such high hopes, then after we are finished Gord will say:

Well, it was better than the last one....like come on! I know shit when I eat it. He is way to kind, he is only scared I won't make it again, because he loves steak and I don't, so we don't make it too often. Cooking on the BQ is just my worst fear. I am a pretty good cook, but..take me out my element (the kitchen) all goes to hell.

My poor ole Penny Loafer, she hurt her little hoffie again. Yet she does not give up. Playtime is playtime and wants to hobble after her ball. Of course that didn't happen and she has the most saddest look on her face. I tried to wipe if off, but it just stayed sad looking.

On another note:
I heard a young girls cell phone conversation yesterday that just blew me away. I had to get close to her outside the store just to see the outcome. It was bizarre. I think she was about 17 or 18 years old, and was unlocking her bike getting ready to leave.


At first this what I heard:
ANDREA! you are old enough to get in a bus and find your way home. You have proven to me and the whole family that you are not mature enough to to make any decisions, and the one's you make are always the wrong. Let's go over them! (this is in a parking lot)

A.) (she yelled and A) You are just lazy and using dad to pick you up at the mall whenever you want to. You know he will do anything you want, and you take advantage of him.

B) she yelled and B) I am on my bike and can't pick you up. Don't bother trying to find dad. He has better stuff to do.

AND C) she yelled C) she told her what a lazy brat she was, and needed to grow up. Stuff does not grow on trees, while she sleeps until noon and spends the rest of the day in the mall and expects someone to pick her up.

Then, as she got on her bike and passed me she still had her cell phone in her hand, and I heard:

AND D) she yelled D) If you think mom and dad are going support you through University you are wrong, because you can't even take care of yourself at home. Andrea...you are such a loser....and her rant went on and on and finally as she pedalled away I couldn't hear her anymore.

I just loved her organized thought process. ABCD. 1234 HUP. She can't have much older than her sister, but she sure had her shit together. Andrea will be loser in the family and "bike "girl will probably be a cop. OR an accountant, I'm not sure. She has organizational skills for sure. And nobody has to pick her up, because she has a bike. Maybe a lawyer, I'm not sure.

I am really starting to enjoy facebook. I don't really get it yet, but I like the one on one banter. There is stuff I have to figure out yet.

Year's ago I was always on "chat" and that was in in real time. I don't think I could keep up with that anymore. I just don't have the patience or the time. AOL ..those were good times baby. We were bad dudes.

Just a note to anyone who reads my blog, and you want to come over to facebook and chat, just look me up and I would love to befriend you...or whateverthehelltheycallitoverthere. Some lameass name.

I took me 2 hours to put up two pictures. Ouch.

Hey

So little time, so much to do.

I'm going on holidays next week so I can start to relax. Heaving a sigh of relief. Man I am wiped out.

It's times like this that facebook comes in real handy to still connect with other bloggers.

I cleaned up the back 40 on Sunday, along with my little garden pond and flowers etc. Everything was so over grown because of all the rain this summer. So I snipped them. I snipped them so close to the ground they might never come back up. I was feeling snippy. Then I started to prune the trees, well hells bells, when you do one, ya gotta do em all.

It's starts out as ..okay lets snip this branch, then..umm this branch,.........then it becomes a full blown addiction. You want it all gone! You have a pair of pruners and NEED to cut something really bad. And the more you cut, the more of the sky you can see. And you wonder why in the hell you didn't do this before. But then your old legs give out and start to cramp up after all the gardening crap. And you lay on the lawn like a half dead turkey, waiting for them to go away...whilst the dog is licking your face and has her "Lassie" cell phone in her paw dialing doggie 911.

Once the cramps subsided and I got up and continued my rounds. Then Gord came home for a bit and decided we should shovel a mound of 1000 pounds of gravel we have on the driveway in his little trailer to take back to his shop. Lovely. Some how he always sucks me into his projects when I have my own. So, I got out the shovels. One just missed his head. Oy...men.

Sorry for the lack of posts, but lately...shit.. I just can't get it together.

Hopefully next week I can get my shit together.

I got stuff to say, but not time to say it in.....

Messing with my blog

Be back tomorrow.

I left my wireless keyboard for my laptop out on the deck. And it rained. Now she is pouting. Or dead. I think dead. I hate it when I kill technology, it's just such step backward. Now I have to use the laptop keys...ahhhh which is killing me.


I'm sitting out on the back deck over looking at my lawn, which is..ummm very tall. Our newest lawnmower doesn't work. It blows. It blows all the dirt and grass in your face. So, we are fighting with "Troy"..the lawnmower people. I should check back in my posts to see if I have already addressed this issue. But at the risk of repeating myself ... that mower is fucking nuts. Seriously, I have been mowing the back 40 with a little fucking electric lawnmower.

I can hear Gord coming home from the highway. He is driving his bro's Excalibur. I'ts powerful and loud.

And he just pulled in the driveway. I know the sounds. Just like a dog.

Even when we were dating, he used to come and pick me up with his motorcycle, and after he dropped me off at home and I went into my room, ... and if the wind was from the right direction I could hear his bike going home (4 mile ride) almost half way home.

Just sitting on the deck relaxing....thinking about the good ole days...

But I really need a stun gun for that fucking red squirrel that is absolutely nuts.

Gord just took off all his clothes...oops not all of them ... and came a joined me on the deck.

We are going to have a few drinks and some serious Taco Time.

Penny sends her love.

I think I will regret this post...but..what the hell

Got most of my "at home bookwork" done. Bills are all paid, plus those damn fricking Government taxes forms we have to fill out..one every month and the other every three months. Yikes, I barely have time to make a deposit...in the can that is. Gord does the real deposits at the bank thank goodness. If he sent me there with the cheques and stuff I would probably ask to use the facilities and flush it down.

I just hate reporting the taxes on our invoices. Provincial Sales Tax is due on the 20th. Like I actually have entered anything on the computer by then. And the GST is due every three months, and "like I have actually entered anything by then". I just don't have the time, especially in summer while working full time. There is the yard work, playing golf, tennis, river rafting, jumping on a plane to see a dear friend who is sick, playing with the dog, taking a little vacation to the Black Hills in Minnesota, blogging, facebooking, and finding the time to shave my legs.

I wish.

I have a lot of wishes.

I keep a old chicken "wishbone" in my purse. No, it doesn't stink, I dried it out.

It will one day serve it's purpose. I think it was my lucky chicken.

We shall see.

I was sad to hear today that Ted Kennedy died. As a Canadian you wouldn't think your Government in the US affects us, but it does. Personally, I don't give a shit if you are a Democrat or a Republican...apparently some do, but I don't.

I remember when I was about 18 years old and JFK died. I was devastated, (yes we in Canada were) ...because I thought he was someone who change the world and get things happening. I was working at a sewing factory at that time in my hometown 7 miles from the US border.

Hippy Chick and I were walking the long trek to the factory after coming home for lunch, when a friend picked us up and gave us a ride the rest of the way. When we got in the car, he said he had just heard that JFK had died. We were in shock. We cried. For a President that wasn't our own. A man we saw who would attempt to bring change. A change we wanted in Canada as well. And then the shit happened. Ahh the 60's/70's. And no one got it right after that. In the 70's we in Canada had a man who had somewhat the same vision his name was Pierre Trudeau. He was a Liberal. And he took us, especially young people like we were at the time to listen to him and his ideas. We did and we loved him. We followed him, and he did great things for our country. After he left, it was one boring one after the other. No hope, no getting you pumped up. No vision. I lost any interest in politics. Let all the assholes vote for the dumbnuts.

Presidents and Prime Ministers have to realize you must some how get us to that "happy place" again. A place where we can trust your judgement. And proceed with change.

So comes the end of the Kennedy Requiem.

Not any family is without it's fault's, as it was with the Kennedy's, they were human. The same was with our Prime Minister...lot's of shit went down with his wife. But ..it was what it was.

But we expect our leaders to be perfect. It will never happen.

But I know Ted Kennedy was a real advocate for health care reform in the US. I don't really know about his other causes but this one sticks out in my mind.

I read so many blogs where people can't go to the doctor if they aren't feeling well, because they don't have health insurance...or their insurance won't cover it...or something called co-pay (sorry I don't understand what that is exactly) is too expensive. I'm assuming it's a deductable...God! I just read a blog where a women who needs a hole in her heart fixed, but she can't get it done because she has pre-existing problems with seizures. I cannot imagine this. There is no one left out of our health care system...no one. Even the poorest of them all. We all sit in the same ER room when we are sick and we all get the same treatment
We, never have to worry if we have to sell our house in order to pay the doctors. We can have any illness in the world. We will never have a bill. We all take care of each other. The have and the have nots. It all works out in the end.

So....I know your new President is trying to get this plan going. Give the guy a chance. The peace of mind is so well worth it. Trust me. I just can't imagine having to worry about that. My big worry is going to the doctor in the first place... I have "white coat syndrome"...and it takes a 1/2 ton truck with a rope to drag me there...


I've probably said more that I started out to..... Look what happens when I keep my big trap shut too long.

Howdy

Man it's been awhile. I think the blogger police are going to take my license away. I had every intention of posting a "video" yesterday, and actually made two of them. I made a fool of myself two times and the camera didn't fricking work I was sweating my brains out in that helmet. Plus doing my magic tricks, which involved a lot of running. son.of.a.bitch. And the dog was barking her head off watching me run in and out the front door...doing my magic.

I cannot believe what I do for you.

Today I tried making a short video of the 4,500 weird birds in our trees, and...it worked just fine. I wonder which button I pressed yesterday? Whatever button it was, all that was recorded was some audio, with me swearing and a lot of clicking noises. The screen was black. So, if nothing else, I have had two rehearsals, so now the show should only get better, don't you think? Yeah rite.

SIL Sheila and I went Hippy Chicks house at her farm yesterday. Fortunately we choose the only day it hasn't rained this summer. She made us a nice lunch and then we wandered around her acreage and checked out all her new plants and stuff. We left with a fair amount of veggies.


Zoe...master of her domain.

Nice little whatchamacallit with Ivy growing over it.
She built the deck which is just in front of the gazebo from old wood from some of the out buildings around her farm/acreage. Plus carved out this lovely garden.
Gazebo, that looks out into the fields behind it. Lovely breezes. Fire pit to the right which I didn't get in the picture.
Lovely carriage full of begonias.
Hippychick on the left, making sure we don't take all her veggies. She frisked us before we left.
Yeah, like that would happen, you would need a 5 ton truck for that.
Time to get back in my truck and head back for civilization. Something on the right seems to be very interesting, even the dog is looking at it. I think a deer farted.

Give me a few days to get all my book work done at home, I will try to get back on track. I am so very tired.

My mama said there would be days like this

The rain...she is still relentless. It never freaking stops. But enough about the weather.

Oh, I guess that probably is my life right now. so bye. Okay, you talked me into writing a few more pointless words.

You probably don't want to hear about this spreadsheet I made at work today. It's sheer genius. If I do say so myself. Two other guys were working on it, and I nailed it just before it was time to go home for the day. I actually considered working overtime to work on it some more. I can't wait to go to work tomorrow and show dem young little farts my creation. They love to tease me because ...yes I could be their Grandmother, but sometimes a little life experience goes a long way. Unfortunately these youngsters feel they have to make a "pretty spreadsheet" with way to much crap in it....pretty don't cut it, useless crap doesn't cut it.. JUST THE FACTS ASSHOLES. That is my motto. What is the info we need? and what is the best way to get it without going all "Barbie."

So that's that.

Now what?

I know I haven't done my magic video yet. It's still in the works. If it ever quits raining on Friday night (my video making night) I will do it. My magic doesn't like rain.

I got my first text message on my cell phone on Sunday morning. It said: "hey you know where two can get any green?" Apparently they thought I was a drug dealer. Or they got the wrong number..heh. I couldn't resist texting back: "I have a whole backyard full of"green, come help yourself, just watch out for dog shit. If you feel the need to mow the green I would ever so grateful." ( I made it a little shorter than that, but I think I got the point across). I didn't get a response. I think they probably have changed their number by now. So funny, I bet they have little brown stains in their shorts. I have kept the number, and I think once a week I will text them and ask when they are coming over to mow the "green"... HA

Tomorrow at work, after I have entered all the info in my new spreadsheet, and have received nothing but accolades from my co-workers, I will call it a day and make a new template for blogger.

On another note:
I have been having problems with clearing out my home made wine. Problem is solved. Just put bleach in it. Just kidding.

I finally have solved the problem, but I still don't know why it didn't clear out with the last two batches. I have been online with all the other wino's out there and they couldn't help me. Most of these guys are a little to sophisticated for me, they really are into this stuff. I just want to make some wine that tastes good and doesn't take a year to make. A month is good. Finally I went to the wine store and they told me I had to put in something that's called Sparkleoid.. I really have no idea what it does, but I think it pushes the cloudy parts to the bottom. Then ... all is right with the world. Sparkie did the trick. I now have two vats clear and ready to go. All is well with the world. This should last for quite some time. Like tomorrow....I kid.

If it doesn't rain tomorrow, I will make my magic video. If it does, I will be under my desk sipping wine before it's time.

Summer time...and the living ain't easy..

So much to do, so little time. We went over the plans last night with Hippy Chick and it's looking good. There is still a lot of shit to do. I mean a lot of shit. I have to go over the plans again to make changes, because SIL and I are going out to her farm this weekend and she will need them. But, I can't make up my mind.

I cannot envision? stuff on paper. Truth be told, I feel like puking. I am a visual person, let me see the real shit and I will tell you whether I like it or not. But...drawings are for those that

1. are smarter than me
2. or like to see me puke

I started this with a vision of a country cottage type house. Yes, I have the front porch. That has been decided. But when it comes to the interior, I have chosen the exact opposite. I love clean wide open spaces...lots of windows...and it's contemporary. No fuss no muss. Very uncottage like. I can't seem to help myself. I now have to decide on the fireplace. This could be be what makes the house a cottage. I'm thinking a large Tyndall stone fireplace in the centre of all the windows that are looking out back to the forest.

ahh..halp.

It's still raining, but so what.

We are..finally in the secondary stages of planning our new house. I didn't want to talk about it much because I didn't want to jinx it. Hippy Chick is doing the final drawing of it this weekend, and once we approve it, we can start to get prices and start building in spring. (can't build here in winter) just so's you know. I am very excited. I will have a veranda...or a porch whatever... I always wanted a front porch/veranda. Plus I will have a island kitchen with a family room adjacent to it with a lot of huge windows overlooking a forest. Plus Hippy chick put in an area just off the kitchen for my computer and stuff. I'm a lucky little tramp.

It's going to be one hell of a project, and I am sure tears will be shed, but still...it's exciting.

Gord and I along with some friends are going out to the property in a few weeks and do a ribbon cutting ceremony. I need to find a silver spade to dig that first hole. And by the time we are finished with it I am sure one of us will use that same spade to bury the other. Building is stressful I hear.

But, at least having something to look forward to is a joy.

I am starting a new week with good thoughts. And if shit gets in the way, I still have a spade, even though it's not silver.

Woodstock baby

I checked out a few stores today and couldn't find it.

But, of course in Future Shop the music was so loud, I almost lost my balance. I went in there to look for a MP3 player and to buy the Woodstock DVD set.

Once I regained my balance a lady who was across a narrow isle from me, bent down and knocked me into a glass display of telephones with her big fat ass. She sort of said "excuse me" and kept on digging for some piece of crap on the bottom shelf. I was flapping around trying to get my footing and trying not to pull down the entire display of cordless telephones. She never gave me a second glance.

After I gathered up my dignity I approached an "associate" for the new Woodstock DVD, ...he didn't have a clue, but did direct me to an isle that contained DVD's...yeah I knew where they were, asshole. Anyway, I was in a hurry and I wanted to buy a MP3 player as well. I checked them out... I didn't have a clue what I was looking for. But, I knew I wanted a "touch screen" because I didn't want to fuck around with figuring shit out. Point and go. I picked out the perfect one. It wasn't too expensive, because I don't need anything high end, I just want to record pod casts with it and put some pictures in it. I don't listen to music that much other than on our system at home ...so it was cool.

Of course the guy tells me I need an I Pod...I don't think so. I told him I found the one I am looking for ..right here, ...see...the one in the cheap seats. He frowns at it. And says a number of customers have brought this baby back because the battery power on this model is low...or some dumbfuckingthing. And then he tried to redirect me to a higher end model which is about the size of your fingernail ...I swear that MP3 player was so small I could have fit it up my ass. Sure, if my only objective was to have music blaring out of my butt, that unit would have been my first choice, but as it is I have enough music coming out of it on normal day to day basis. Thank you.

I started to get a little cranky with the little whippersnapper, and redirected HIM back to my original choice. He conceded and said he would go back to the warehouse to see if they had any in stock. Of course, they didn't.. Well, then why in the hell do they have the display model sitting there and mocking me??

I left in a huff.

Then I huffed off to Office Depot, and they had all their MP3 players locked up like Fort Knox, and you couldn't even touch them. They didn't even have a display model, you had to choose from pictures on locked boxes on the shelves. What, are these things made of.... gold?

Good grief, all I want to a simple MP3 player with touch screen. Are you as tired of reading this as I am telling you about it. How can something so simple become so frigging difficult. I guess I will have to buy my DVD set on the internet. I was hoping I could just pop in the store. But...ohhhh no.

My smoke alarm has been going all the live long day. It's been raining and raining and raining, and the humidity is nuts ...and it thinks it is smoke. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but I think smoke and humidity are two different things. If I would have wanted a humidity detector I would have bought one, but as it is I bought a SMOKE detector ...which never goes off even if I burn shit on the stove. Probably if I would have enough moisture in the stuff I am burning, it would catch the steam and start to BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Oh god that sound is ripping my soul apart today.

I am pissed off at everything. And another thing, I made a batch of wine two weeks ago, and it won't "clear up." It's a bunch of mud. This has never happened before in all my wine making days. So tonight I had to drink Kool Aid. Well it might as well be Kool Aid....somebody gave me this sissy strawberry wine for Christmas. And on a Saturday night, my night to let my hair down! I'm drowning my sorrows with some fresh raspberries I picked from the garden and low fattyass ice cream...yumm.

Have a good weekend.

Can't anything ever go right around here?

No.

It really, really is "always something" and it's pissing me off more than I can say.

Gord is forever stressing over something he has brought about himself, which is making me crazy.

Our phone broke today, and we blamed it on the telephone company. You would have thought the world came to an end...no phone. Ahem...we have two cell phones sitting on the charger.

The dog was mad at me because I wouldn't go out in the backyard for playtime. It was only 5,000 degrees in the shade and the humidity was wavering at 100 percent.

This is what I have to deal with after leaving work, getting some groceries, cooking said groceries. Listening to bullshit, then the phones go dead, and the dog and Gord act like asses and make my life miserable..because life didn't go their way today. Well, welcome to my world.

I think Gord and the dog, might want to give me a little more respect. I feed them, I listen to their sorrows, and sometimes I don't have time or don't want to listen to their bullshit. But I do. Even though I work 5 days a week...any haven't had a holiday in 30 years.

There, I feel better now.

All I have to say, is the dog doesn't know better.

This too shall pass.

Can't anything ever go right around here?

I point is...I have no point

It's hot, and I'm holed up in the house. Me no like the hot weather. It's been cool and wonderful until now. Dammit!

I picked a bowl of raspberries out in the garden and got stung by the first mosquitoes of the year, so yeah, the heat brings those little bastards out.

And I had to water my plants for the first time. Mudder Nature has been doing it up till now, how I miss her.

I made a nice macaroni salad, and a fresh cucumber salad with fresh dill for supper...plus a cold cut sammich on Ciabata bread. Gord just came home, so lets just try it before anyone says it good. hmm.

I left out the eggs in both my salads, because Gord thinks eggs are only for frying. So I put them in my salads only.

Are you yawning yet? I am.

Isn't this exciting? I'm not wearing a lampshade, just my own hair. Borrrrring.

Just a sec, I'm going to go to facebook and steal a pic of my two nieces who I loves to pieces. My niece Lisa was a bridesmaid for her cousin Ashely at her wedding. Lisa is in the middle and Cheri is the one on the right. Doesn't Cheri look like a young Cameron Diaz? I think so. Cheri and Lisa I smootch you guys even if you don't read auntie joanie balonies blog so much anymore. How dare you get lives of your own.!

The girl on the left...I don't know who she is...but I think it is a cousin from there mom's side of the family. She has pretty good rack. Did I just type that? And a tattoo...yikes. What is going on? But ..you know I have thoughts of getting a temporary one....on my forehead that says, "what was I thinking?"


Lisa looks so pretty in her dress. She is the Princess of the family. Now if you could see Cheri's eyes ...they are so amazingly blue/grey she looks like a young Cameron Diaz. Whenever I see a movie with Cameron Diaz I swear she is related to Cheri because she almost sounds like her too.

I started this blog way before supper....and just a note:

Supper tasted like "ass." The only thing that tasted good was the fresh cucumber salad. Just a note to those who are buying low fat cheddar cheese....that shit doesn't melt right. I turns into a piece of orange plastic, and it doesn't taste much better either. Going back to real cheese. Screw that shit.

Now I'm going over to facebook and screw around with some heads over there, I'm done with yours.

Oh so there you are

I have just been hanging around with my favourite friends...








Then I got the challenge from Poolie to put a bucket on my head and take a picture. It really doesn't seem like a grown up thing to do, does it? Is this the legacy we will leave our children ..or nieces and nephews? I pondered upon that for about two seconds and then I grabbed my camera.

I couldn't find a bucket. So, if you have ever watched "Keeping up Appearances" an English Sit Com you will know it is pronounced "Bouquet." I could not find a Bouquet. Hyacinth Bucket (Keeping Up Appearances) So I did the next best thing. I am Hyacinth's Canadian sista. Joanie Balonie Bucket/Bouquet. And I put a bag on my head. Yeah, you figure that one out. I think I must have bought fish that day...oy it was stinky.

Then, I said "what the hay"...why not wear a lamp shade, you wine soaked piece of cake? So I did. I'm not too handy with the camera in the bathroom mirror mind you. But if you look closely I think I look like La Toya Jackson.

On another note, I have a next door neighbour. Yes, she is nice, and yes she is annoying as hell.
We have been neighbours for twenty some years now, and I know her schedule. Every night at exactly 7:15 PM she comes out to her yard and starts puttering around. (she knows I'm up on my deck just after playing with the dog or walking her on her good days) . I can see her working down there. And I know what is to come:

At 7:18 she will siddle up to my side of the fence...here she is



Little miss happy face leaning over the fence. She is retired, and much younger than me, for shit's sake. I just hate people who make good decisions for their retirement.

So, miss happy face starts talking to me on my deck...and half the time I can't hear her, because either the dog is barking or someone is mowing their lawn, but that does not stop her from talking.

Over the years, I have come to know what she is going to say anyway, so I just wing it.

1. She will comment on our raspberry bushes, which have moved from my garden to hers.....so if she points to the right when she is talking, I know she is talking about the raspberries. I respond and say "Wow...it's been a bad year with all the rain, but they are starting to come in now"..then the dog barks...and she is talking again, and I can't hear her. But I smile, and say ..yes!

2. Her next comment will be about some creeping vines she planted right next to our fence..which are coming through to our side. She is so worried the will crowd out my ferns. Every day we talk about this, and every day I can't really hear her concerns from my deck But when she points down from her vantage point I know she is talking about the vines. Sometimes I know she can't hear me especially if the dog is barking at her...and I give her the "forgetabout moves" with my hands. And she laughs...and I laugh... and I hope she goes away. But most times, she does not.

Apparently I have not had the low down on all her Grandchildren, and what all the other neighbours do when I am away at fucking WORK.

I had fun on the deck on Thursday. To the left of our fence...she and her son and law were building a shed on their property. Two of her daughters kids were left alone on their immaculate lawn to play while they were working. There was a gate separating them. They could hear them and were only a few feet away.

It was funny as hell, these kids come from a family of four and roughhouse all the time. Nothing is sacred. Plus they had a new puppy. A lot of running was done, while Grammy and SIL were putting up the shed. Suddenly the oldest ..about 8 years old told her younger bro...about 6...Look!!! Grandma has a pear tree? It took the young one about 2 seconds to climb it and start ripping out the little baby pears. Finally when he couldn't reach them anymore he came down, and his sister started to jump up and grab the branches. They worked those branches, until finally a big one broke. They looked at each other, and they knew..THIS WAS NOT GOOD.

The older girl, told her little bro...."oh man, we have to hide this from grandma" and off they went and put it away back in her yard.

About 10 minutes later, neighbour lady comes into the backyard and sees the carnage...little baby pears everywhere, plus the new puppy was eating them!!!! Both children were sat down by their dad and asked...WHO DID THIS? Fingers pointed from one to the other....And everyone was sad, Daddy wasn't buying it.

When neighbour lady started to talk about this, I told her I saw the whole thing, she got a little defensive, but I couldn't hear her, all I saw was her hands reaching for heaven. I got the picture.

Or maybe she was infected with rabies.

I bow to you my friends.

This last week I have certainly done something...I have told the whole internet I am out of touch. And...just a tad stupid. I finally looked it up tonight. I just didn't get it. And when I found out, I went...ohhhh I was disappointed. I knew it was something to do with yoga, or I thought it did. But nothing made sense. Plus I was still trying to have a little fun. But I really didn't know.

I certainly will have to go downstairs to my little old library, and dig up my old Kahlil Gibran books, and get back my to my inner self. Put the petals back on the rose so to speak.

I was so sure it meant Eff off bitches.... that just sounded so cool and so confident. Now when I read those blogs, I will be a little disappointed, they are wimps!

Yeah I know they are giving the writer a "high five" so to speak, but I just thought there was more balls behind it.

I think I need more time to get rid of my old unwanted hair.

NASTURTIUM...bitches

I still have no idea, even after spelling it wrong, for heavens sake. I thought of making sure I was spelling it right after I wrote the blog, but I was pretty cocky. And look where that got me, with an egg planted squarely in the middle of my big fat face. This is why I don't go to BlogHer. I can't even get the trendy stuff right. I would have been shunned.

Have you ever read a book and read one of the characters names wrongly at the beginning, it sticks with you right to the end of the book, so it is with me and Namaste. God!

Poolie said:
Namaste means.....oh.....should I tell you? I use it frequently (but not in writing). I also use it as a joke. Na-mas-te and na-mas-go. I won't tell you what it means. I think you are having more fun figuring it out.

Namaste, mi amiga!

I think it is Spanish for something.

But I keep on going over it and over it, and all I see from her description is German. Because that is all know.

In German/mennonite Na-mas-te... would sort of translate into ..."Hey..must you?" And na-mas-go, would mean "you must go". Sorry I just don't get it.

When Poolie said, she used the word a lot.. but not in writing, I was considering it meant "Fuck" because she rarely uses that. But, when I sort of translated it into German .."Hey, must you"..and then "you must go", I came up with Fuck off. But I don't think that is what it is. It's probably some Yoga shit everyone is into. But then why does Poolie say she uses it as a joke? Poolie know a lot of stuff, even about a camels toes in your pants. heh

Damn it. I still haven't looked on google, it's killing me man.

Nastame

What does that mean?

I am reading so many blogs and they....the bloggers are using this word. I refuse to google it. I'm sure it just another "new age" expression of some sort.


Some just sign off and say Nastame... and others go..Nastame Bitches! when signing on. I am putting myself in the dark, because sooner or later someone has to give me a hint on their blog to what it means....ya know..so I can relate to what they are talking about before they hit the Nastame button.

Is it a bean?

Does it mean ...hello or goodbye in another language?

Is it a "high five" in Zimbabwe?

I'm trying to figure out the Latin origin.in my head, which is totally useless...but I do remember taking that course in school in the early 1900's.

It's been taking over my life for the past week.

Nast...what is nast? nasty? I'm thinking if you said the word aloud you would say nahhhstame. Nothing is working for me with this word.

The closest I can come up with is Nasturtium, but that's a flower.

Are the bloggers greeting each other with a "flower word" followed with the word "bitches?

The word actually sounds like a power word. You pump your arm up and go....Nastame Bitches! But then when the sign off they say "have a good day"...Nastame. huh?

It's a fucking secret code. And no... I will not google it! But it's making me and my dog very edgy, because I called my dog Nastame today. Who knows, this might be the name of a famous dog. Penny didn't come when I called her Nastame. She took the high road, and gave me a look that said "have another drink you Nastame wine soaked bitch. " So, obviously the word has something to do with either bitches or maybe witches or wine.

NO..I will not look it up.

I'm not any closer to figuring it out then when I started.

Maybe it means "Peace" in another language. I just thought about that. Well if it does...for god's sake just say so...trust the young one's to fuck up all the sayings we had in the 60's., and try to make it their own. But, on the other hand they are not saying "Nastame Out." And I don't think they have flowers eg. Nasturtiums in their hair.

I am still ...so puzzled.

And, don't go and look it up and tell me what it is. I'm going to figure this out by myself.

4 days off..yesssssssss

The rain has been insidious it never stops. Today it rained so hard I couldn't see my way home. I had to stop on the road and let it pass. I don't think I have ever seen weather like this before. I had the heat on this morning in the house, because it was cold, damp and almost freezing. Most mornings when I go to work I have the heater on in my truck. It's so totally wrong. I'm not really a sun lover, I like nothing better than warm weather, overcast and maybe a mild mist. Something you would experience in the mountains. But this shit is obnoxious.

I deluded myself in believing that I would love sleeping in this morning with the pitter patter of rain falling on the roof. It pitter pattered alright...it sounded like freaking golf balls were coming down...so there went my wonderful sleep-in morning.

Got up, scratched my ass, turned on the heat, and the coffee. I thawed up in the shower and then started to make plans for my day off. I took a day of holidays, and it's the long weekend so I'm on a roll.

My list:

Shake my fist at the heavens to stop the rain
Get 2 gigs of ram put in my laptop
Go shopping for groceries
Pick up stuff for Gord at Office Depot and some software for me
Return two shirts I bought 3 weeks ago to Zellers
Clean up our storage room with old business files and shred them
Put all new files in the new wonderful containers I bought last week that are still in the back of the truck
Make a new batch of wine...I'm running on empty here folks
Play with dog (the rain put that on hold) but we did have inside hiding of the ball and running.


This is what got done:

I shook my fist at the heavens and told my old friend God to stop it, but I'm thinking he has kidney problems, because it never stopped. I'm good with that. Even God gets old.

I started out in my truck and got about three blocks before I realized that I HAD NOT taken my lap top with me to get a face lift. I procrastinated for about 5 minutes, thinking, well I can do this tomorrow because I didn't want to go all the way back home...blah blah... I made myself turn around and go and pick it up.

I went to Office Depot and picked up the stuff Gord ordered, and then I went looking for anything I didn't need. Never leave me unattended in a office supply store. Yes, I bought some software I think I need. yeah huh sure.

Went to the computer place, and God dripped all over me. Oy, it was raining so hard, but I dashed in the store with my laptop. It's a good thing I had a hoodie ... yeah I know... I have a hoodie fetish, but it saved my hair and part of the laptop as I dashed in. I took the guy 15 minutes to get 2 gigs of ram in and take 80.00 bucks out of my wallet. Money well spent. I remember the price of ram years ago. It looked so easy and he didn't even charge me for installing it.

I was all set to go to Zellers to take back the shirts, but I felt the need to procrastinate again. The store is about 2 miles away, and it was raining, and I would rather go to the Superstore next door where everything you need from electronics to groceries are UNDER ONE ROOF. I was tired of wiping off my glasses after running in every damn store.

Once there. I was able to relax because I knew this was my last stop. Plus I didn't have to rush because I am on holiday. I bought the premade pizza dough I had been looking at for about a month. I walked slowly around all the isles, just because I could. Normally I am doing a marathon because I don't have time to look at stuff. I bought an air fresher that goes "psst" every 30 minutes and sprays up a refreshing smell, a smell that smells better than my house.

Man, when it gets humid like this, the smell of every animal I have ever had that shit or pissed on the carpet makes itself known no matter how many times you clean the carpet. I guess that goes for people who have kids that barf and shit on them too. I am so glad I don't live in a humid climate. In our next house, it will be hardwood floors. Hey, the little guy just went "psst" again, very cool. It's a really nice mellow smell, chamomile and lavender. Anything strong gives yours truly a huge head ache.

After I finished touching everything in the store...marking my territory so to speak.. I did something I have never had time to do before.

I went to the "self serve checkout." I was feeling "ballsy." Plus I had the time. Normally I just wait in line in the 15 items or less checkout, but today I said what the fuck..what the fuck, yes I said it two times in my head. There was a nice young lady who was overlooking the whole thing, and I asked her to walk me through it because I had never done it before. I never ask for help. But I didn't want to start up on it and look like an asshole.

She walked me through it...and it was so easy. I love scanning stuff! I pressed all the right buttons and got my receipt. I asked the next guy in line if I could scan his stuff because I was right into it. He declined. He said his kids loved doing it. Damn.

I didn't get back in time to do all the other stuff. But, I alway's bite off just a little more than I can chew. But I did have time to load the software I bought. I hope it makes my life easier now that I have a few days to make DVD's.

I did make a pizza. I predict it will taste like shit, but the crust looked so good, I may be wrong. Gord will be home soon ....so who better to poison.? WHAT?...

My ride this summer

It really is..an Excalibur..year 1977. Belongs to my brother in law who doesn't have room in his garage of vintage and new vehicles this year. Poor baby never gets to see the light of day. So we are babysitting it.

Gord took the picture when was humping the bumper. It's apparent I didn't dress well for the occasion. I have my sweats on and my granny slippers. Plus I don't know what's going on with my hair. But the ole girl didn't mind me sitting on her. She's not that young herself. I just realized I called the car a "girl" ...well I guess we have a Lesbian relationship.. we bonded. Both our bumpers met ass on.

This is just what I needed to get myself out of the slump. I'm going to take her out for many a spin this summer. And take pictures.

I'm betting I will make a lot of new friends...only because the car is so unusual ...and I might meet a lot of hot guys....oh shit ..did I say that out loud? I may have to lose the granny slippers, my hoddie and sweat pants.

Note to self: Shave your legs, moustache, pluck the eyebrows, and for god's sake "do something with your hair." And of course, get some clothes that don't make you look like a bag lady.

I will work on it.

That ole car needs me, and I need her. We are going to have some fun.

Monday monday..can't trust that day...

I'm wearing two band aids and I had a pile of dog shit on my rug when I came home from work.

First I cut my finger when I was cleaning out the the blender.... and then I played rough with the dog, who doesn't know my skin is made of parchment. No need going to a blood bank, I lost most of mine in the sink.

Actually, I feel better after a little blood letting. Not that I felt bad before, but I think it took all the bad blood out of me. I might think about getting leaches. And let them suck it all up. I just wish I could have put them in the pile of dog shit and let them suck that up. Phew....poor Penny, I knew I shouldn't have given her roast beef last night.

So, I know it's been awhile, and I was thinking off packing this baby up and waving goodbye. But, some of my good friends talked me out it last night...on face book. I feel bad, I wasn't fishing, I was serious. I don't know ... I have been having a lot of moments lately.

So, here I am again.

Let's see if I can do another year....or a month..whatever.

balonie

It's been a journey

From XP to Vista. At work.

Sorry folks I have not been paying attention to everyone because I spent every minute since Friday dwelling on how to change over my files, etc. from my old computer to the new computer, which happens to be Vista. My computer ..she is the happening place...the mother of our workgroup of four.

So, all the files had to be transferred over...before anyone can work. Easier said than done. It all went to shit. I tried everything... the transfer cables etc...which bombed out just.....just ... before the transfer was complete. The guys in the office kept on insisting this had to work.

So, being an old fashioned do do head, I told the "know it all" guys in the office, "I'm doing it my way." Because we had to start using the computers!

I put a CD in and transferred all the files to them. Many, many CD's and copied them to my new computer. Yeah...I know...stupid, but effective. It worked.

Then we had reprogram the workgroup shit and the printers.........fuck. If I knew it was going to be such a big deal, I would have just kept my old Dell, which was running on empty...and just plugged along at 30 mph. After I took the Dell off my desk, I looked at the back of it...holy shit, it must have a ton of dust on the fan blades...and I can't imagine what the inside of it looks like. No wonder the poor ole girl was chugging. I will clean her up and with a little more ram she will work for someone else that needs a computer in the shop.

But I have a new computer. And I am loving Vista. Everyone told me I would hate it...what? It is great. So far. Knock on wood. Or knock on my head.

Knock Knock. Who's there?... nobody as usual...damn.

My new haircut

I bet you thought I was going to bitch about, but I'm not. It looks a whole lot better than the birds nest I had happening on my head. I'm a wash and wear kinda girl. I don't have time to mess with it. And when it starts messing with me I get troubled.

Troubled.

So, how is everyone?

I had a good weekend. Got all the toilet stains out, plucked out a stray gray hair out of my eyebrow, did the laundry, made the dog play with me, and spent the major part of the afternoon doing bookwork for the business. Made sweet and sour pork tenderloin pieces along with basmati rice and a nice fresh salad. And that's it. Opps..now we are going to have strawberries and ice-cream in a few minutes. Well, not real ice-cream...low fat ice-cream. That ice-cream is so so low in fat...it should be called white ice. But it's not bad considering.

It's still so cold out here you can't really sit out on the deck at night. And winter is just a few months away. It's very weird. My raspberries still haven't ripened. They should have done that three weeks ago! All my flowering plants are staying dormant. They bloom, but they need the heat and the sun because they don't have any vibrant colours they usually have.

Plus we are having another week of rain predicted. Lord, we are drenched.

Off to eat some low fat ice-cream. And go to bed and cuddle up with my two best friends.

I know, I am boring. Yikes I wish I could get a thoughtful sentence out, but it's one of those days again my friends.

I'll be checking in on your blogs next week.

Yesterday we had a dilemma Dumb & Dumber

Just as I was sitting down at the computer, Gord was sitting down at the TV behind me. I had just logged into blogger and thinking, wow I really feel like posting today.

No sooner was I logged on, I heard the words of doom. "How come the BIG TV doesn't have a connection to satellite and the little TV in the kitchen does? Well, I knew it was over right there and then. They are hooked together, they should operate as one. We pulled everything apart, I went down into the basement and fiddlefucked with the cables. We had a few heated moments, because it just didn't make sense that one TV worked and the other one THE BIG ONE...had a pretty little logo dancing around the screen saying "you have no signal."

It was taunting us.

And the TV's were about 10 feet apart, yet in different rooms. The little one is on the counter in my kitchen, and THE BIG ONE is in the TV room adjacent to it. You can't have too many TV's packed in a 3 square foot area. But, they both serve a separate purpose... ah huh. One is for when I cook in the kitchen and the other one is when we go around the corner to another open area room and watch THE BIG TV. Got it? I didn't think so. Nevermind.

We did the old fart thing, changed up all the batteries in the remotes, I went down in the basement and got up on the dryer in the laundry room so I could reach the electrical panel to seek out a problem I had no idea about. Gord, meanwhile was on the floor in the TV room, disconnecting and reconnecting shit he didn't have a clue about. While I was yelling up from downstairs...IS IT ON NOW? ... He would reply WHAT...forfucksakes. TURN THE OTHER TV DOWN SO YOU CAN HEAR ME!

Finally about an hour later, I asked him call his brother who installed the TV. He didn't want to because you, you know...pride. Finally he did. As he was sitting in a little hole behind the TV I handed him his Cell phone and he called his brother. His brother immediately told him his settings on his remote control had been tampered with.

Someone's big ass had sat on the remote and changed it from Video 1 to Video 2...or it could be the other way around I don't know. But hey, we were back in the 20th century.

I pride myself to be computer literate, because I come from and age where most people thought I was nuts. I had a commodore 64 man. And upgraded myself to this point. But holy smokes, give me a TV remote, I am lost. I guess you have to really use stuff like that to know it.

We rarely rent movies, and when we do, awwwwgeez it's always...where is that piece of paper where I wrote the instructions. I know it's so simple...so simple! Yet if you don't do it on a on going basis, you forget.

But I don't think I will forget this. We seriously thought it was a problem will our Bell dish. That is how dumb we are.

I knocked on both of our heads last night...and they seemed to be hollow. Like a over ripe cantaloupe. Past it's prime.

I got a new computer at work today. It's been a very interesting day uploading all my files to the new Vista computer from my old XP. Actually Vista makes it very easy. My old computer is probably still chugging up the files to the new one as we speak. Good grief ..talk about slow. I now have all the new bells and whistles. And yes, I know most people don't like Vista, but I needed a new computer because mine holds all the network files and it was bogged down tighter than a fart.

Now, if I post a blog from work it will be so fast, you might not even be able to see it.

See how that works?

So, if I post and I don't get any comments, I will know that my computer is just to freaking fast.

Yes, I am an asshole. But we all know that.

It's still raining

But I caught a rainbow, before it started up again.

I started a blog a few hours ago, and ditched it...lord I was whining. So a took a few hours off, watched the rain, had a really good supper and did an attitude adjustment. Sometimes I let the small stuff get to me. Then you have to look at the big picture. Which I am doing right now.

Penny is laying at my feet, Gord is snoring in bed, and the rain is falling ever so gently outside. So, whatever my bitches were before seem so insignificant now.

I love the rainy nights. It calms my soul. WHAT... you didn't think I had one? Well I do. You will see me in heaven. I will be the one selling balonie sandwiches at the gate. I got an in with Saint Pete.

Enough of this bullshit....I gotta go to bed ... another storm is coming and I got to get off of here.

Still can't get in the grove

For lack of anything new in my life. I am going to take a page out of Mimi Smartypant's blog to make up for it. She sort of made up a list of stuff she likes and dislikes. Mimi slays me. She has a wicked sense of humour and is a really good writer.


UNSEXY THINGS I MAY HAVE ALLEGEDY SAID DURING SEXY TIMES:

My thumb hurts.

What is the dog doing down there?

Where are you?

I have a cramp in my leg.

Turn off that fucking cel phone!

That's better.


THINGS I WILL ALWAYS WATCH, NO MATTER HOW CHEESY OR POORLY CRAFTED THE MEDIA:

All My Children

Jon & Kate

Friends

Anything on HGTV

American Idol

Two and half men

CNN news

WHAT I SAY TO THE DOG WHEN WE’RE ALL ALONE:

How's my stinkerwinker?

Time for beddieweddie.

Pennypoops here's your kibblewibble.

Let me see your footsie wootsie...while trying to clip her nails and she is trying eat my face!

Give momma a big kiss (while I hold my nose with a clothes pin) her breath smells like pond scum.

Where is: her balls...well not really her own balls because she's a girl..heh...

Where is beigie, where is bluie, where is yellow belly, where is orangie...you see where I'm going here, they are all the same type of ball with a different colour. It's just sick. But she is so smart she will bring any colour you ask her to.

I sing a song ..Penny Penny Bo Penny, Penny....and go right through the whole damn thing. It's very sad. But she loves nothing better than to hear me sing. I can't say that for anyone else.

People, this is my life. Send money.

It rained so hard today...

The cars parked in front of my building at work were flooded.

I took pictures with my cel phone, but I have no idea how to take them off.

Note to self: read the manual.

Sorry for not posting too much anymore, but I'm in a slump. Or a dump?

You choose.

It's summer in the city

I spent a lot of time doing yard work during my brief two day vacation...not counting Canada Day and the weekend. Stat's never count, nor do weekends.

I never lifted my head off my pillow before 11:00 AM all five days. I am new woman! Other than the unfortunate shopping trip where I lost my trousers ... it went well.

The back 40 still looks like a dog's breakfast because it was reseeded and we can't mow it for another week or so. But everything else is coming along. I really resent summer, because you bust your ass trying to get all the crap winter has thrown at it back into shape, and then it's fall? WTF, whose idea of a good time is that? Not mine brother.

I stained my deck, and stained my new picnic table. Gord and I put it together last Sunday. And I am proud to report no one got hit on the head with a 2x4. We acted like adults. I was close to taking him out a few times, but I held my wicked tongue between my clenched teeth, and ran up the stairs to the house for about the 2,345th. time to get a different screwdriver, hammer, measuring tape, a pencil for marking the 2x4 I had being eying up if he was going to give me grief, the table instructions, a cold drink, .... but then I the was the go-fer and he was da man who built it. And he did a good job. No 2x4 for him, this time. He even put the bench seat back a little further than most picnic tables. I hate trying to wiggle into those things. Now we have lots of room. In case I grow. And it is spaced far enough so Penny can jump up on the bench and on to the table. THE TABLE, you say, yes the table..we don't eat on it. Penny loves sitting up there. I put the table out in the garden today, and we can sit there and she has her kibble and snack, playtime and drinks out of the pond when she is thristy. I just love it.

Hey, she's old, I spoil the crap out of her. I'm just thankful she can run around again and have fun. No more pain.

Just a few pic's of the on going struggle. The pond is almost good to go. I will take more of that later.




Notice...I forgot to stain the edge....fart, now I will have to get the paint can back out and the brush...oy so much work of one edge.

This is what I did on my vacation..Day 1

by: Joan Balonie Grade 3

Slept in until 10:30.

Had a shower, made coffee.

The milk I poured in my coffee was "off"..had to use creamer....fucked up my morning.

Had lunch - uneventful. Watched an episode of "All My Children"...Told Erica to kiss my ass, and turned it off.

Went to home Depot to buy stain to paint my deck and new picnic table. AND to buy light bulbs!!

Someone help me out here, I know I don't get out that much, but WHAT IN THE HELL? You can't buy a light bulb anymore. All they had were these energy efficient screwy looking things. Plus some round creepy ugly ones. I bought a whole bunch of my favorite (pastel pink) 60 watt bulbs there sometime this winter....now they were ALL GONE. Where will I get my ambient light bulbs from. I hate nothing more than bright lights. I have dimmer switches in every room in the house. But the problem is with my 4,567 lamps I own. I'm a lamp junkie. And with the price of one of these energy efficient ass hole bulbs I will be out on the street driving my shopping cart full of carpet remnants...blubbering... hip dee dee da huh.

I was really pissed off. So, I went to Canadian Tire, surely they would have a regular light bulb, even if it wasn't a 60 watt Pastel Pink bulb. I found 4-60 watt regular bulbs wayyyyyyyyy down under a bunch of shit on the shelves. I think they were trying to hide them. This was really putting a dark cloud on my holiday I tell ya.

It was getting too late to do any painting, so I just kept on going. Finally I ended up at Zellers and started to look for some clothes.

I didn't have any plans to go clothing shopping today, because if I knew that, I would not have gone into a store dressed like I was. I was dressed to go hardware shopping...not for clothes.

I was wearing an over sized black hoodie sweatshit, blue very light weight sweatpants that have a tie string..not elastic at the waist (wait..that will tie in to another story) blue waffle weave socks and peacock blue lacy looking flat shoes. You see it was cold this morning. Really cold, and I dressed for it, granted, not fashionably, but I didn't factor in the possibility of the sun coming out in the afternoon. And it did, big time.

I had a problem with my pants right off the bat. The tie string kept on getting loose, and I had to keep hiking them up every two minutes. At Home Depot I had to go off to a private corner behind a garden tractor and hike them up, and re-tie the string thing a number of times. When I got to Canadian Tire, I ducked between two plastic plants in the Home Decor section to pull them up. So, when I got to Zellers and was looking at clothes, they started to slide again. I was getting a little irritated by then and just kept on pulling them up discretely..mind you.

Later I was browsing in the garden centre, looking at all the neat patio tables etc. I spied a box with a picnic tent in it, and thought it looked interesting, and tried to take it off the shelf, not realizing it weighed 6,79 pounds. As I pulled on it ..it came down and pushed me backwards, but I caught it before it hit the floor. Well, I didn't really catch it, I sort of wore it because it fell on me. I didn't get hurt, I jumped up quickly, butttttt my pants didn't. This time the tie had come undone all the way...my pants were a loose cannon, there was nothing to hold them up. I grabbed them as fast as I could, fortunately nobody was in that isle, but just as I was tying them back up, I had to adjust my panties that had slide down a notch .. a man walked by me. A MAN. I know he saw me with my hands down my pants. I tried to get away as fast as I could, but he didn't really seem to care what I was doing in my pants, he just wanted to talk about the lousy way Zellers prices their product. We talked for almost 10 minutes and he never even looked at my pants. I guess he had other things on his mind.

It didn't end there...and I swear to you this is a true story..all of it.

I went into the dressing room and tried on some really cute clothes. I was so happy, because they all fit. I started to put everything back on their hangers to take back out, then put my black hoodie on, then put my shoes back on, and started out the door.

What do you think I forgot to put back on? YES, my pants! I had one foot out the door before I realized those fuckers were still sitting in a puddle on the floor. AHHHHH, they are so light it's like not wearing anything at all, and I guess I never missed them. After all they had been sitting half way down my hips the entire day!!

When I came home I threw them in the garbage. No more pyjama type pants for me.

Tomorrow is painting day. Good luck with that ey? I'm going to wear old lady elastic pants.