Beep Beep

7:00 PM.

Tornato warnings tonight!!! Ouch...we don't have tornato's on the prairies. We have annoying prairie winds which make you want to weep and crawl into a hole with the frickin topsoil coming off the farmers fields that land in your eye. A tornado would be cool, as long as it doesn't hit my house...and stays up in the air where I can safely take a picture of it and sent it to the local media for a profit. We got all our vehicles safely tucked away in the garage, because they predicted LARGE hail as well.

8:00PM.
Well, I have been waiting for an hour........nothing..not a drop of rain, no tornados. I "hets" you weather peeps! This is my only excitement in life. I needs a good ole thunderbolt scare.

Fuck the weather station. I'm pissed. Or, is this the "calm" before the storm?... You may never hear from me again, I will be in the vortex....spewing my vermin all over the world. spewing>>>>>>>> feel that my friends? I hope I didn't get any on youse guys.

9:00PM.

If the stinking sun hadn't set by now, it would be sunny. Who makes up this weather shit anyway? Here I was all ready to hunker down; in my basement, which I had stocked with cans of pork and beans, Spam, dog food, water, Gord's pills and my wine. I figured that would keep us alive few days until they found us buried in the rubble... alive, but with blood cholesterol levels a little higher than normal. Fortheloveofspam.

I went to great lengths to take down all the HUGE planters ( I am flower sitting for my neighbour) off their hangers in my back yard and store them in the garage in case of LARGE HAIL, WINDS UP TO 120 KM, AND TORNADO'S. Nadda.

10:00PM.

I went outside and tested God. I could see some lightning way out in the west, and I pointed at it. You see, in Gordon's family it is very unlucky to point at lightning because it could strike you down, you just don't do that. But I did. Gord tried to wrestle me down, but I had already pointed at it, so it was to late. So, now it's only left up to fate. I have set the bar.

10:30PM.

Nothing! I'm going downstairs for a Spam sandwich.