So, today I made a beef cockpot pot roast. heh..someone stop me.....
It is killing me. I mean it's really, really, killing me to leave that roast the hell alone. I want to do something to it. I don't know what, but I need to do something. Shit doesn't taste good unless you do something to it. I have looked at it through the glass lid 3,465 times. I put it in at 1:00 PM, which just felt so wrong. Who starts supper at 1:00 PM in the afternoon? Normally when I start supper at 5:00PM I am hungry and know what I need to do. I wasn't hungry, I just had lunch, and the roast was looking a little u.g.l.y. So, I seasoned it the best I could without being hungry, and I have to admit I was not gentle with it, because it was grossing me out. He was a slimy little bastard and had some fat on the bottom of him, which I had to take off. I struggled with the cow, and finally got the flab off his underside with my fillet knife. Then proceeded with the recipe instructions for a pot roast in a cock pot. BTW, the roast looked very much looked like a dangling participle of a porno actor, except the roast was just a smidge bigger... okay, a lot bigger. No one should cook supper at lunch. It isn't right. None of this would have occurred to me at supper. I couldn't get stop looking at it.
So, to take my mind off the largest penis in the world cooking in my cockpot, I started my veggies, onions and mushrooms and baked potatoes at my regular time. Now I was hungry, and had no problems making supper. Except, I kept on looking at the "big guy," at one point in the afternoon, there was some white stuff (probably scum) staring out at me on the top of the roast. Lord.. you don't want to know where my mind went. I really think they should have a lid you can't see through, because I don't need to see what happens while they make a cockpot porno movie.
If it tastes good, gag...I might keep it, but if conquers any memories from this afternoon, it's going back baby.
Here are a few pics:
It's Rival Cock Pot. Wouldn't be funnier if I would have bought a Betty Cocker Cockpot? Laughing alone here people! What if I would have been listening to Joe Cocker at the same time? To many coincidences ....
There it is..a hunk a hunk of burning love at the three hour mark with stuff coming out of it.
Suddenly from nowhere, a little lamb who eats ivy, decided she wanted a piece of the ..ahem.. the aforementioned dangling participle. I wasn't going to get into who could get in the pot and shit so I knocked her off the cockpot with my fly swatter. Penny was very happy, because that was her litte lamb, and she follows her wherever she goes, except on the stove. I will fill you in on the details of the cockpot chronicles tomorrow. Did we eat it, or did we just watch the porno going on in the cockpot and order a pizza?
Cockpot Porno...it's for us older folks you get 6-10 hours to get it on.
Later:
We had the cockpot supper. 6 hrs. on "high" as instructed. Nothing much had changed when when I make a pot roast the old fashioned way, the pot roast was a little dry, my sides of broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower were a little over cooked, the baked potatoes were good as potatoes go, and the mushroom & onion fry was acceptable. I give it ..hmmmm 3 out of 10. I know I am so hard on myself. I must be control freak, I cannot let that big fat cockpot rule my life. I have to do it my way. I didn't put any veggies in it because I don't like stewed crap. But I managed to overcook my own vegges.
I stress out about shit like this way too much. It's just Sunday Night Supper afterall. I'm putting this behind me...and have already washed out the cockpot and put her in her box to to be brought back to the store. Again, don't get me wrong, like my opinion with the "links" ... some people like em some don't. I guess I just don' t know how to cook without being hands on with the meat part of it. I was trying to make it easier...and off course you can see I shot myself in the foot again.. Not the first time, won't be the last.
On another note:
I remember a year ago today when I was sitting here alone at my computer after Gord had his "incident" and was in the hospital ..when so many of you came and carried me through. Thanks so much old friends I will never forget it. I feel so blessed that he is still with me here today a year later an in good health. So, I humbly thank you again.
And what did I feed him today..cockpot beef when he would have preferred a steak. But being the Mennonite housefrau I am, I had to make sure there were left overs for sandwiches for lunch tomorrow and maybe stew for supper.
It's a shitty job, but someone has to do it.
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