I'm a dead woman walking........

Hallo, it's ME..BALONIE! Get me out of here!! HALP!!

I tried to get online after supper, and it said my account was closed. Whatthehell? I checked all my bills, and they were paid? Whatthehell? I phoned MTS (my server) and said "Whathellisgoingon." A very nice young man answered and checked my account, and told me I was deceased as of yesterday at 12:30AM.

Hold on..back up the truck Chuck!...I'm sitting here talking to you bud! He said there was a notation on the account that the customer was deceased. Then he asked if my husband was alive, and I said, "wait," "let me check." I put him on hold, checked Gordon's pulse, came back, and said, yes he is still alive, but not for long because he is messing with the patio again!! He said, "well I guess there has been a clerical error." Then he told me he would have to transfer me to the "getyoubackonline" department.

I waited, and I waited, I almost died waiting. My blood pressure must have been going through the roof listening to elevator music, and hoping my phone wouldn't go "dead," as I hadn't charged it for awhile. Finally, I got the customer service gal. I had to explain the whole thing over again, and she also was happy I was alive, but was worried about Gordon..whatthell? Well, apparently his name is on the account along with mine, and she wanted to make sure one of us had not taken a "dirt nap". I explained once more, I had just taken his pulse, and although is was running fast, he was still upright! She said she would check the records once more and get me online in about 15 minutes. The time was ticking away, and I was so scared my phone would conk out, and I'd have to phone back and explain the whole dang thing over again. But, fortunately, she came back on time, and apologized profusely at their error. My consultation prize was they would credit my account for 1.75 cents for the amount of time they had disconnected us. Oy!

I should have asked her, why would a dead woman want to breast feed a laptop? But I realized she doesn't read my blog. Maybe I should have asked her to come to my Laptop shower when I am due, but of course if she thought I was dead, why bother.

If I hadn't been reconnected, Delilah would just be another homeless laptop without an internet connection. Boring. Yes, she could have done some word processing, some (yawn) Excel spreadsheets, and some Quicken bookkeeping (yawn, yawn). Yes, she could do some photoshopping etc, but without the internet who would see the pictures? She would have never experienced the internet with email, Yahoo, wireless connections, and having the whole world in her lap. It would be like having a dog and never taking it for a walk. No, I want more for her, all the things I never had as a child. I will spoil her rotten.

Phew, that was a close call.

Just a few pics I took today.


My neighbours tree




Butterfly light that lights up a night.

I am pregnant with a laptop, this makes me a real mommy blogger

I am preparing my lap, for my laptop. What! I hear you say, I don't have to put my laptop on my lap? Oh, yes I do. I have wished upon a star for a laptop for many a moon, and I'm going keep it in my lap where I can see it at all times. It will never leave me. I will breast feed it. At night, I will put it in a little baby laptop crib right beside my bed. We will bond.

I have been having some morning sickness, and I have not even had laptop sex yet. I am in the process of conceiving. I guess my hormones are getting out of hand. I don't know who will be the "daddy".. but I'm pretty sure his name will be Dell. And if it is, I will name her Delilah..why, why, Delilah..that was just a Tom Jones fart. Nevermind.

I never knew it would be so tough to be a first time mom. There are things to think about that had never occured to me before. My desktop is a loner, she stays put and never cries at night. She does not long for the lap! So, I have this whole other kettle of fish to fry now. I'm thinking of a laptop swing? A frontal laptop carrier for when we go shopping, a changing table, when she needs her software changed, antibotics when she gets a virus, a carrying case to take her to the doctor, not to speak of a car seat!! Jeez who knew this was going to be so hard. And another thing, the dog will be jealous of her. I have to make sure I give them equal attention, while I caress Delilah...

Okay, then there is the day care issue. I cannot take Deliah to work. Our computers are on a network and frown upon laplubbers. Those who have tried to bring one in, failed, because once they plugged it in....the network went down. They don't like them any upstart's. Nope. And if they can't get the network to go down, they wipe out the printer. Then if you get the printer's going, they wipe out the fax machine. They.are.very.powerful.so.we.don't.mess.with.them. They own us. BIG TIME.

Once Purolator delivers her. I don't know which way to go .. do I have a C section in the back of the truck, or do I invite him in my house and deliver her here? I think I will have her delivered to the house. Then, when I sign her over to me, all I have to do is pry the packing slip off of her face, and she is all mine.

Mat leave..here I come!! I read a lot of mom blogs and am very aware of how the first years of a young one progresses. I am assured, that she will be peaceful and sleep a lot the first year, but heaven help me with the "terrible two's." So, I am prepared for the fact that her technology will be getting a little old by then, and when I give her "time outs" but it won't be her fault if she is giving me crap. Her hard drive will be slowing down. But, with our new technology all we have to do is insert another one and give her a booster shot. I'm sure after she has had all her shots, we will grow old together. My, my Delilah.

a few pic's

I know they are screwing up my blog, I will take it down, but just wanted to show the flowers and the cake. I don't know why they got so big.. I will be calling for bloggers resignation if they can't do better than this. But, for some reason I think it's at my end.....but it's easier to blame them smart google guys, who, by the way did not wish me Happy Birthday. God...all the traffic my blog has generated must of made them millionaires by now. I just don't understand.

Oops, just got them smaller, but they look strange.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to..

You would cry too if "61" happened to you!! ..I spent all day helping finish the patio...I know I said I would never talk about it again..but "F" I cannot believe the crap that we lifted today. I'm the hunchback of Peacock Place.

Ahhh, 61 was a piece of cake, and yes there was cake involved. Once the landmark year is over the rest just keep on rolling along.

My "Attitude Adjustment" crew was over again on our regular Saturday night "piss up" oops, I meant prayer meeting. I was overwhelmed with my two girlfriends gifts and cake and well wishing and all dat stuff. The guys (hubby and BIL) came back from their weekly motorcycle ride, and we had ourselves a partay!!

Hippy Chick, gave me beautiful roses, and made the unbelievably good...Carrot cake with cream cheese icing, that I had wished for. You can see that in the pictures, hmm providing it will come up once I request one stinkly little favour from Blogger...Let's just see! ...before I call them dipshits.

I tried uploading from blogger and photobucket..blogger didn't work..and photobucket made them too big.....I just give up already.


SIL Sheila, gave me four huge Rum & Coke glasses..with handles!! (and they are a greenish colour like the old coke bottles.) I love them a lot. One should always have a handle on a glass of rum and coke, so when you hit the ground, just maybe..you won't spill it.

The flowers on the cake were real, she had just picked them from her flower garden. But we didn't eat them. This was before the wine, and common sense still prevailed.
SIL Sheila's card read: The one on the right with a pic of a dog on it...

My Dog Saw You Naked

He says your birthday suit need ironing!!

I put a few chocolate shavings of Exlax in her cake. Run ...Sheila Run.

Just an aside. When hippychick arrived, she noticed I had taken the microwave out of the bedroom and put in on the counter in the kitchen. I struggled all day trying to find a place to fit it in. It was obvious to me that the old piece of crap was going to stay on top of the Jen Air...blinking helplessly, for years to come. So, then while she was in the kitchen and about to come onto the deck where I was sitting, she yelled " Joan, why did you put the microwave in the kitchen?" I yelled back, "because I was tired of doing it in the bedroom."...I never gave a second thought of what I said until I saw my neighbour right across the fence, who had just come out her patio door..standing still with her mouth open! and looking in our direction ... she was shocked. Fertheloveofamicrowave!! I was shocked too, because that is not what I meant, I meant I was tired of MICROWAVING in the bedroom.. We laughed our asses off at that all night. You should have seen her face!! Then, after I realized what she might be thinking, I yelled back in the house.."ummm that sounded dirty"!

Okay, the nights not over yet. It was getting cool, so we went into the kitchen. There we partook of some more wine and rums and coke, and I opened all my prezzies, and then we had cake.

After cake, my BIL said to Gord, "how long are you going to keep that old microwave sitting on top of the Jenn air? It doesn't work. It looks like shit. What is your problem?". Gord, just shrugged his shoulders, because he is in love with it. He loves pressing her pads. Ron BIL, said, Joan, "give me a screwdriver I'm taking this thing off of here right now, it's my birthday present to you!" YAAAAAAAAAAAH... so of course Gord was outnumbered, as my girlfriends were cheering Ron along. Ten minutes later we got that ugly head off my Jenn Air. R2D2 is dead. But, they put the unit on my deck. It still lives...and I might just see Gord sneaking out at night trying to press her pads.

My kitchen looks so big now, without the big head.

Okay..another good thing.. a prezzie from Gord.

Guess what it is?

New Microwave..noooo

Guess again.

A personal heart Defibulator...close..

It was ...a ...drum roll......................................

THE BESTEST LAPTOP I CAN GET!!!

I am over the moon people..right over it, I don't even care that my sofa is 25 years old and my clothes come from value village..only by choice mind you...but this is the very best. Dell....look out.

I might even touch some of his "pads" tonight..heh..

Sunday night supper:

Sweet and Sour Baybee Back Ribs
Rice (with SS sauce)
Nice salad.

AND..cake. I still have half a cake left from yesterday.

Not so good news: My family forgot my Bday:(...but's that's okay Gord's family is more like my own anyway, they all remembered I am ready to accept that. More than ever. More on that at another date.

I'm eating cake as we speak, most of it is on the the floor, and on my keyboard fercryingoutloud, and my feet are sticking to the floor.....but nevermind the dog is here and has cleaned up the mess, and is now licking the cream cheese icing off me feet..it tickles~~

On to 62.

I just realized something

My new template looks like the old computers I worked on in the 90's.. black screen with amber type.
I thought it was the "cats ass" then, because that was as close as we came to colour, but now it hurts my eyes.

But, I spent 2 hours figuring out how to do it, so screw it...it will stay there ..hmmm unless I change my mind again. Just kidding..jeezzz give me a break.

I think I will have to start a HTML template junky "group" on yahoo.

You know, that would be a great idea!! Maybe I can get it out of my system like I did with scrapping (but I still love that) but now I will have two projects on the go that I have no time for.

Until ...Sunday, where I will regale you with tales and pictures of "my dumb life"...

I see the bad moon arising

I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin.
I see bad times today.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, its bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

Nahhh, it's just my new template.BOOOOOOOOOO

I'm having some scripting errors, I think I have solved them, after taking my clock down. Hopefully that will do it! I loved the clock..it was clockwork orange..heh. But something was killing my blog. Or it might be that satellite thingie I put up, but something sure as hell is messing with it. I will monitor it for a few days.

Fall is coming hard and fast. We are supposed to have a frost tonight, so I guess I will have to empty my little pond soon. I don't think I have ever seen so many different species of birds in my back yard than I have this year. In the mornings they are actually cluttering it up, and it's a big yard. I guess they love all the droppings from my cherry trees, the pond, and all the stuff I grew in my flower garden this year. Something is attracting them. The red squirrels are nuts..those little buggers steal everything they can lay their little paws on. I had some cherry tomatoes on the deck I had forgotten to take in and guess who stole them? I was hoping they would take the 40 pound zucchini, but no. I guess they don't have little squirrel fork lifts.

Well, we just finished with the patio fiasco, and now the Drama King, has found something else to make our lives miserable. But, it's late and that is for another blog, but it involves trying to import a "snow blade" he bought from ebay from the US to Canada. OY VEY!! When will it end..It's always something my friends...Always something...

I'm going to get back into computer scrapping

Here are a few I did in 2004 after I found I didn't have the time or computer resources to do it anymore. I loved making them, and am going to get back into it.

Grand niece Chloe.



Another one with her new tattoo's.


Penny's Chair


Nieces at the lake




Penny and her pail


Nephew Chris with the kids


Niece Tammy and her kids


Babee Balonie


The big 61 is looming over my head. Last year I wouldn't let anyone do ANYTHING for my BDay, but this year I'm feeling a little more perky, and made a list of do's and don't's for them:

1. Make me cake..now! I don't care what I said last year! Make it a carrot cake with cream cheese icing. No candles.

2. I want prezzies this year...lot's of them. Money would also be good. Also I'm thinking "Laptop."

3. Take me out for supper...GD it!! I don't care what I said last year, this year I want to go OUT for supper. I want to drink green drinks out of martini glasses. And I want to smear at least two racks of Tony Roma's ribs over my big fat honking face!

4. However, don't take me dancing, just let me fall down drunk, it's all the same thing...dancing and falling. Co-ordination is not my friend.

5. Don't think of taking me to a concert. My ear drums are still bleeding from the 70's thankyou very much.

6. Take care not to sing Happy Birthday to me. I don't like to hear singing after I have eaten half a pig, a carrot cake, and green drinks in my belly, unless you want to get hurled upon. Singing is so out.

7. Okay, I think I can handle it now.

My very last Patio block adventure..I promise.

THE PATIO IS FINISHED... and so am I. We did all the finishing touches today, and it looks just like it did when we pulled it. There is no joy in that. Except it is about 4 inches higher than it was before, and so are our arms.

It had to be one of the most enjoyable fall days you can imagine. The weather was mild, no wind, some sun and cloudy intervals. Beautiful. Penny was scampering around loving the cool weather, and trying to put her ball in front of us with every step we took. "Throw the ball"!! already you dinks!

She is lucky she didn't get nailed with Mr. CROWBAR. Mr. Crowbar played another important part in today's fiasco, we had three patio blocks to go (it was that close) that were a little HIGH..so Mr. Perfect had to heave them up again, and realign the sand underneath them. Patio block #1 fell in place, and was perfectly level, patio block # 2 did the same. Patio "shit face" block #3 took a dislike to his heaving of the CROWBAR. And broke! This was the last one!!! You know how football player's throw themselves on the ground after they knew they fucked up? That was Gord. It was probably more akin to a guy who was bowling and needed that last strike, but nevertheless, it was heart breaking ...yes it was! This was the last stone, that matched the one's on the patio. The very last.

We sat down at pikinic table and sobbed in each others arms..."so close"..we came "so close"....and then he got up, and threw me down like a rag doll. I KNOW WHERE THERE IS ANOTHER ONE .. HE CRIED. "I put patio stones on the floor of the shed from the same batch we had on the patio, I can steal one from there and use that one, a put the mismatched one in there."..he shouted while he was pissing his pants! Then he uprooted the one from the shed, put it on the patio...a serene feeling came upon the land and the sea's parted. Then all was well with the world. BUT, now...there will be one patio stone in the shed that does match the rest...just how long will he tolerate that ... is the question?

If I have heard the saying "If you are going to do a job..do it right" one more time I will hurl. I say, if there is a job...

1.) Try to ignore it as long as possible..it might go away
2.) If you are forced to do a job, just keep on saying "it's good enough" already, just shim it up on the crooked side.
3.) Hire someone!! sheesh!
4.) Get a life.
5.) Get a condo


There...it's all over and you will never hear of it again..NEVAR!! If I do, kick my ass and never ever read my blog again, unless...well, nevemind.


I bought some pretty flowers yesterday at Superstore. I was wandering about, in the Linens and such aisle, when I spotted some flowers in a tiny corner. At first I thought they were the plastic type, but as I grew closer I could see they were real. A lady was bending over them and, and as I approched, she said.."have you ever seen such a good deal"? Deal..yeah okay, I'm in!~ She told me that Superstore takes all their overdue date flowers and puts them in this little corner everyday for half or less the price. She looked a little crazy, but I was feeling a little pumped on the fresh flowers thing. I started to rummage about in the flower pile. And as I was reaching in and pulling up some of the bouquets out of the bins, she mentioned that "if flowers are this cheap when you are alive, who needs them when you are dead". Sold, said I and bought a bouquet!! It made perfect sense to me.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y57/balonie/sept06.jpg

Cartoon from the 50's & crowbars

I actually remember this one. We always cried when the dog cried.

Feed The Kitty - Cartoon

I love this one.

Well, just to sum up last night, I got hit with a crowbar. I was just mindin' my bidness and "wham" I got slammed. Okay, Gord's got a different story, but I'm sticking to mine.

As, Mr. Anal Patio Slayer was slaying patio stones last night again (in the dark)...I came out to try to give him a hand. Mishtaken #1.

Mishtaken #2.

Pointed out a level problem in one of the stones

Mishtaken #3.
Getting in the way of the CROW BAR!

Heh...okay to his benefit, he pulled up the offending stone with the crowbar, and as he was trying to position it he (threw) the crowbar.......on my frickin toe. My favorite toe. I swear to god the was aiming at me. I took my dog, my hurt feeling, and my toe in the house and pouted. I am no longer a part of this home improvement project. It's over baby.

Tonight when he came home, and I was sitting out on the back yard playing Texas Hold Em with the dog. (the dog beat me), he came sauntering through the back gate like nothing was wrong. I had my toe all bandaged up (for pity's sake)I mean for.pity's.sake. There was nothing wrong with it, only bruised feelings. So, he sat down at the picnic table and wanted to make some conversation, like .. I didn't mean to hit you with the crowbar!! Cudo's to him for for cuttin to the chase..Because if he wouldn't have I would have had been forced to keep that bandaid on for weeks until my toe fell off in a mess of fungus.

I said, my only wish is, that if you intend to drop the crowbar when the dog or me are in the vicinity, you might give us some warning. "Well" .. ahaa..yeah I wasn't thinking. "I just want to get this shit finished." I got up and smoothed his furrowed brow, and said "patience Grasshopper" and quoted Kahil Gibran "If you cannot work with love, but with only distaste, it's better you should leave your work." We smiled at each other and our planets aligned. We understood each other.

He got up from the table, went to the garage, got out the crowbar and Penny and I went inside before someone else got hurt. It all works out in the end.

the end

I'm not pregnant but I have something in the oven

A chicken!!

I'm just not tall enough to pull the feet of the 6,000,000 geese flying overhead. So, chicken she be.

I have to fix my pic, it's a little pixelated.

With is template you would expect "Martha" stuff..no. I just like the journal look to it.

Gord is outside on the patio....frickin..brickin again. There is no end in sight. NOW, he realized we had made a mishtaken on Sunday and the "few" patio stones we..ahem broke..in our fever to end this tragedy don't match the patio stones we had stashed away in our garage. God forbid!! For my part, they are all grey and ugly, who gives a hairy rats ass if the pattern doesn't match? Gord does. Oh.yes.he.does. Very much so. I don't want to talk about it anymore..never. But I will, just you wait.

I saw the cutest Looney Tunes 50's cartoon today on YouTube today, and I wanted to share it, but the YouTubes, who say you can "instantly" put it on blogger are wrong. Wrong, very wrong. Unless I am a YouTube challenged individual. That is a possiblity I admit. When they asked me to put in my blogger U/N and P/W I did it. Like the little good do-be I am. And then it just keeps on working but nothing happens. The little green lights at the bottom keep rolling over and over, and I never get passed that. At this point I don't care if I ever get it on my blog, but GD..it.. I want to know if I am an idiot, or they have problems!! The help centre doesn't address this. Sheizzzzz. who needs more stress, but it was soooo cute, you would have loved it. I will figure it out...JimBob??? heh..remember to speak in my language ..dumb!

Over and out...balonie

I love the rainy nights!!..but not the sad one.

It has turned from 31C on Friday to 10C. It's a shock to the system. I don't even have a coat to wear. I wanted to have some fall weather, but fortheloveofanneofgreengables...this is re"dick"ulous. I know I wished for more temperate temps, but holy moly, give me a break Jake. Has the world has gone to hell in a handbasket? BTW, what is a handbasket? I assume it's a little basket you drape over your wrist, but I don't get how the all the world got in there. More useless information I must ponder when I wake up at 4:00 AM.

I know I have been a little "manic" with my templates, and I will quit it for awhile. Until the weekend anyway!! Ha. I don't know what possesses me. Likely the Devil. He's always sitting on my shoulder, and nudging me with his fork. I hates him. I keep telling him, "Devil" I'm not as young as I used to be and can't keep up with your constant urging for me to make unwise decisions. You know me well, and your nudgings have made me make many poor choices in the past. He just keeps on nudging me. Bugger!!



Babee Bro, is still in the hospital. They still can't make up their minds what is wrong with him. I talked to my SIL this afternoon and she said he's ready to walk out of there. They are keeping him in ER so they can monitor him. But, if you ever saw the ER in the Health Science Centre, you would know the crap that flows through there. He won't need a TV in that place, because the drama is all in front of his eyes. Low lives abound. I wish they would have sent him to the St. Boniface Hospital, but when the paramedics come, they take him to the closest place. This is a hospital that has had at least a ten million dollar face lift of late. And it houses a state of the art Cancer Care Centre. But, because of it close proximity to the inner city, they get more than their share of druggies, stabbings, and shooting victims. I hate that place. I guess I hate it most, because that is where my dad died. Not any fault of the hospital, but of the memories that linger on every time I step in the door.

Tomorrow is September 19th. .... 7 years since my mother died.
I still remember what I was doing on the 18th. before she died.

She had been there for about a week, and it was a Saturday. I got to the hospital at 12:00 PM to spend the afternoon with her on my day off. She was very confused. My brother came over later, and we sat quietly with her trying to mask our pain, with what was at hand. She was so restless, we could not contain her. They had to put straps on her bed so she couldn't hurt herself (sob)...She hated it, she wanted to walk...run..be free! My bro had to get back to work as he had missed a lot of time already, so I stayed on. I brought a radio with me and put it on her favorite station and we sat together all afternoon listening and sometimes talking when she was awake. She had no inhibitions when she was awake. It was like someone I never knew. She said and did things that were so out of character, I could not believe it. I sometimes wish she could have been like that all her life. But she wasn't, she kept everything very closed off. She was a loving mother, but not at all affectionate.

I wasn't expecting anything to happen, she didn't seen like she was ready to go or anything. I was just preparing myself for the agonizing wait that most cancer patients experience. A month a least. I had friends coming over after supper, so I stayed with her until about 5:30, and made sure she had her supper. Just before I left she pulled out all her IV's. The nurses put it all back together and put her hand in a position where she could not longer do that. She didn't really like that, but she was getting tired. I took her face in my hands and kissed her goodbye two times before I left, and told her I loved her very much. And you know what, she kissed me two more time after that. My mom never ever kissed that I can remember. She kept on saying..one more kiss!! I said see tomorrow for lunch, and I left!! Maybe she knew........

She died next morning at 6:00AM. I still feel the guilt, I wish I would have stayed..and I would have if I would have know she was going to go. But now at last she was free. No ties that bind.

Love you mom...see you tomorrow!! I'll bring the flowers!!

Greetings from the Kitchen of Balonie

Put your feet up, grab a cup of coffee and sit with me a spell.

After all Christmas is over, and now it is time to relax.

The new year is just around the corner.

I think I may be having some mental problems lately, or someone has laced my wine with "speed." But, time sure has been flying!!

Just gimme a few freebee templates and I'm your ho! HA.

You should hear the racket outside, the geese are flying South in record numbers. Good thing I got me a meatloaf in the oven, or I'd be out there trying to snatch one of them for supper!

I was going to put up new pic's today of our weekly Patio Fiasco, but somewhere along the line, I misplaced my usb cable from the camera to the computer. I looked everywhere and I can't find it. I even looked in the fridge, because sometimes, strange things wind up there. It has to be in my truck, or in my purse, or in my underpants, gawd somedays I don't know where I put shit.

Just a quickie...We had three rows to go, it was 2:00PM, we finished two of them already, and then he decided to put more stones UNDERNEATH the deck..UNDER THE DECK..where midgets might roam!! It's only 4 feet high. You will understand if I ever find my USB cable and post a pic. Who walks under a raised deck? That is where one stores junk. Old patio tables with two legs, umbrella's with holes in them, 8765 bones the dog has hidden in the mess, planters that you have long forgotten about, stuff like that! Now, we should give this crap a home with a concrete foundation?...Nay I say.

I say Nay, he says yay..I say nay, he says yay...guess who wins...the guy who can actually carry the stinking things! So, we put more sand down there, whilst cracking our noggins 43 times on the beams underneath it. We now are doing a job that is unbelievably heavy and back breaking, in a space where we can't even stand up in.

On another note: I got a call this afternoon from my niece Lisa, and my bro is back in the hospital. He had shortness of breath last night and his heart rate was waaaaaaaaaaay up, and he was ambulanced to the hospital. He is stable, and still as we speak in Emergency...as there is no room in the inn. Health Care!

Lisa told me he was so pissed off this morning (after he was feeling better) ..there was a woman in the next bed to him who had taken a drug overdose and had been screaming all night, he got up from his bed, opened her curtain, and told her to "shut the fuck up." HA.. That's me bro. Like he needed the stress!!

So, we are still waiting to hear what the outcome will be. He has been in and out of the hospital so often already. I just talked to him on Friday night, and he was doing so good. He had already scheduled surgery for his back problems, so I hope..hope.. he will be okay. He didn't want to see anyone until he gets a room, so, I will hopefully get to see him tomorrow.

So, have you finished your coffee yet? Cozy in here?

Sunday night supper:

Meatloaf Supreme
Macaroni w/three cheese sauce
Beans/corn/peas mixer upper.

Okay, enough fun already

I know all your sides are sore from laughing at my little attempt pre Christmas humour. But I have been doing some sleuthing today, and I may have scored a halloween template, I am not sure I am smart enough to fart around with the HTML to make it work. But if I can get it to go, I will steal the snowflakes from the other one, and it should be...well... "stupid"..heh...that is the look I'm going for.

The good news it is still raining, AND that means I won't have to be (supervise) laying brick tomorrow...please pray for some rain ... because I don't think my old bones can take another day of that. I am sure our neighbours are tired of our bickering.

Joan the great: Gord! .. you are going to kill yourself, let's take a little break.

Gord: Joan! .. I haven't even lifted a patio stone yet, get the fuck out of my face already! You are driving me bat shit, standing here with 911 on your speed dial. Get your fat ass in gear and let's get this sucker finished.

Joan the great: Oh, so, "like" you want me to help you kill yourself?!

Gord: GDamit..get back in the house and do what you do best.

Joan the great: What would that be darling?

Gord: Leaving me alone..geez...

Joan the great: Done.

Pic's of the patio to follow tomorrow.

HO HO HO!

Everyone who thinks I am idiot ...raise yo hands!!

Hey..you in Calgary, I'm not far off the mark, am I!!?????

I hear some of that cold spell is heading out our way, thanku jeebus, because it was 31C today, and windy as shit. I'm not partial to those weather conditions, especially in fall.

Did you know the pic of the purdy girl in Santa's lap is moi? You betcha, I have no problems jumping into the lap of chubby man, because I got one meself!! Providing he isn't laying bricks instead of me.

I'll leave blogger comments on, because I will only have this up a short time, and I'm thinking haloscan will start billing me if I keep farting around with me blogs!

This is just the first of a series, more to come folks. Then I will put them on the back burner until the month Santa really gets his shit together.

Let's just see how annoying those snowflakes will be. I changed the rate from 30 to 15. heh!

Is it almost Christmas?

I want to use my template. bhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh

It never ends

Hey, internets..how tired are you of hearing about my patio? I'll bet I'm more tired of it than you are..wanna bet? Because we were laying down blocks in the dark tonight. Yes, it was pitch black. We had to do a portion beside the garage that leads out to the front yard that doesn't have a light. I said {we had to do it) no, we did not HAVE to do it, but my dear husband wants to kill himself, so I thought as long as it's dark, I won't have to watch, ... let him go for it. Yeah, he needed my help, so we both watched each other killing ourselves "softly." But we lived to eat some chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese sammiches after. So, it wasn't all that bad. But, I'm telling you...nothing else around here is getting laid. nosiree sir. You chose your poison buddy boy!

I found a "treasure" today. A virtual treasure of free blog skins. I want to kiss the kind creator for giving me more choices. He has some real great Christmas skins, I can't wait to use. And it has snowflakes gently falling down on the page. How much better can my life get?? I am still looking for an appropriate fall scene, but the only one I found looked a little too dark.

Well, I would love to sit here and chat, but my arms are about two inches longer than they were before we started with the GD brick shit, I have to got to bed and hope they shorten up before morning...or else my sweater sleeves will be up to my elbows at work tomorrow.

adios

Medic!!

The laying of the patio stones saga continues. The "ball joints" in both my hips will need replacing within 48 hours. My unused stomach muscles, have seized. Apparently they have been used only to keep me upright while I am on the computer.

So, I would say, it's a pretty safe bet that one should keep using all of their muscle groups at one time or the other within a year. Otherwise, they go geput!! >> right out the door man....and I didn't even do all the heavy lifting!! I was just the helper!! We got a whole row laid between 12:00 and 3:00 PM. We have 6 more rows left. We only work on this on Sundays, so I'm thinking we should be done by November, just before the snow flies. But, Gord said today, "hey, we are getting the hang of this stuff"..the rest will be a piece of cake. Umm yeah. Everytime we put one down, it's a little crooked, and we have to heave it back up and throw a little more sand under it is...soooooooooo time consuming. And it's hard and heavy and ugly and it's messing with my housework, my computer time, dog walking time. My schedule is so way off, I will never catch up. I am stamping my foot!!! I don't like this one bit!! No time to play with my Barbies!

The only bright spot will be, that if this works, I won't be putting on my "flood pants" next spring. I hate being a responsbile home owner. I don't like worrying about "what if happens." Just give me a home where the buffalo roam, and it's all good. My lazy ass has been taken to task...and I don't like it.

Not one bit Babbaloui..

I'm working on a new look for my blog. Are you surprised? I didn't think so. Why, cannot I be happy how my words look on the screen? Probably for the same reason I rearrange my furniture in my house 3 times a year..of more. But mostly I think my grammer etc. needs a little attention. I will work on both.

I have gas

Yes I do. Please turn off your computer if you don't want to hear anymore of this, I certainly don't want to offend you but I need to note this for posterity. The day the gas started! September 06 ..whatever..I don't have a calendar in front of me, but my computer shows the time as 8:25 PM. That will be very helpful when I have to read this again in a year or so.

Okay, so it started yesterday, after I made a dish of ground beef, mushroom soup, and onions. And, was going to serve it over egg noodles, along with a side of peas. I had just purchased a new "grinder up" of veggies appliance at Superstore. Sooooooo I put a pile of onions in it and mixed it all about. They turned out fine. So, I put in some more, and did it again. God, I think I had about a cup on finely chopped onions chopped...only because it was fun. So, as not to waste..I put them all in the hamburger and mushroom mix, along with various seasonings.

I was fine until this morning, when I was burping them on the other side..heh.. and had to make a mad dash to the "can." Okay, that was fine, I went to work etc. Then I came home for lunch and decided to have the leftovers..fortheloveofadinkhead! How stupid can one person be. I even nuked it in the bedroom. Ha. BTW, I love this microwave, it has one of those turntables in it and does a much better job than ..you know who...he would be hurt if he read this. So, end result, I ate another plateful of noodles and mushroom beef that contained a pound of chopped (very fine) onions. My afternoon at work was to say at the least...loud. My stomach, was making the most gross noises you could possibly imagine. GRRROWWWWWEWWWWAAA..and it wouldn't quit. My bosses office is just beside me, and I tried to pretend that I was not farting. I wasn't. But the noise was very similar. I turned up my radio. I walked up and down, pretending I was doing something else, just to get out of his range. Finally I went to the bathroom and had it out with the beef, onion, mushroom mess. It wasn't pretty.

Even after I came home, I felt crappy, but I think I have learned my lesson. Just because you CAN grind the onions there is no need to put them all in one recipe. I never had this problem when I chopped onions myself, I didn't get greedy. Why? because it's work to chop them by hand!!

Well, it always good to know that even when you are getting older, you can still learn new lessons. gotta go...>>>>>>> it's not over yet!!

We are "cooking" in the bedroom..

Things are looking up, now that the weather has got a little cooler, it's gettin' hot in the bedroom. Oh yeah! Fortheloveofamicrowave!

We have a microwave oven on our dresser. There is nothing more romantic than the smell of nuked food stuffs in your bedroom.



He will only be with us for a short time. Our microwave in on the fritz and I needed something, so I found this guy in Gord's shop. I didn't have anyplace to put it in the kitchen, so I set up shop next door, in the bedroom. HA..

It seems "old fart" microwave from the 80's (that is attached to the Jen Air stove) has decided to pack it in.


She has been giving us a lot of warnings over the years, and telling us...don't by any means cook on the stove top underneath me, because the steam..steams me up!! And my little digital pads are getting geputzed and tired. I can no longer tell you what time of day it is on my clock, I must have something in my eye, because I just keep on blinking. And I think my hearing is going too...when you want to defrost something I think you mean "end cycle" and I just go on to the next one, and then the other one, and then the next one. Who programmed this bitch anyway?

Let's just remember the good times, "like the time you blew up a potato in me"... that was fun! I did my job, and you did yours later...it was a fucking mess! You have never forgotten to pierce a potato since, have you?

I always liked Christmas, when the youngins came over and tried to work me. I know you warned them that I was a little cranky, but they thought they could tame me. It never happened. When I felt a strangers fingers on my pads, I recoiled, shut down, and started to pout, you always knew what was going on when I started to blink, and finally shoed them off, and gently pressed my pads with your loving finger tips. Tell the family I am very sorry I could not heat up the pumped breast milk they put in me, but it just seemed so wrong! I also have to apologize for the time, I got a little cranky, and started up on my own when no buttons were pushed. That was a cruel trick, because then you didn't trust me anymore and were scared to leave me alone in the house in case I decided to "go off" my own.

I know I am in sunset years, my communications systems seem to be overloaded and I am heading for a fall. So, if you get a new one, make sure you remember all the tricks I taught you, "beans explode"...baked potatoes explode if not pierced, buns will turn into a hard rock if you put them in too long, day old pizza will never taste the same, the crust will be soft. My best efforts for you were reheating casseroles, defrosting hamburger, chicken breasts, farmer sausage..I never minded what you did, I loved you, even if some of your food was stinky, and you left crusty old crud on me for weeks. You always knew how I was feeling and adjusted to my needs.

Do you think old microwaves go to rainbow bridge? If you do, I will be there waiting for you when you need to nuke something in heaven. Time won't matter then, and nobody will notice that my clock says 00:00. See ya on the other side kiddo.

yours truly,

Mic

Fall colours & sunsets

Going into work today

I knew this was going to happen:

Employee: Joannie, what happened to your lip? Did you cut yourself shaving?

Joannie: HA HA.. no, you prick, I was shaving my legs when my razor slipped and it cut my upper lip... in two places. The good news is, that it took off my moustache by mistake.

I have two nasty red marks on one side of my upper lip, but it was due to a rake incident, that went bad. I look like Wayne Newton with half a moustache.
Danke Schoen. I'll be playing Vegas this weekend, don't miss my show.

This patio thing is not going well at all. Someone is going to get hurt. And someone is too frigging cheap and stubborn to let qualified people do it. I rest my case.

It's the Labour Day long weekend, time to pull up the bootstraps and get ready for winter. I wish. I'ts still so hot here every day, I just wish Gawd would stop it already. Nary a breeze. But, iffin we get a breeze he makes sure it's a good one and dang near blows the roof off!! The guys got a sense of humour.

Did you know the movie "Saving Nemo" is about a little orange fish? I am sure you do...but where have I been? I heard about it but never paid attention + I don't watch a lot of movies. I always assumed it was some kind of war movie..like "Saving Private Ryan"...so I paid me no attention. I just watched it. But I am a fishy lover so I could so totally relate. Remember when my "big guy" went to rainbow bridge last year?

I'm thinking about pulling up stakes. Moving out of this house. We have had plans to move before, and building a new house. But I wasn't ready. I was one stubborn mule. I dug in my heels, and wouldn't even listen to reason. But as I started to think about it...it's time to let this one go after 20 years. Let's just move on. There are no more memories to make here that are of importance to me anymore. I'ts all been done. Mom and Dad are gone..nieces and nephews are getting on with their lives... it's time for me to give it up. Gord is the the type of guy who always wants to start over in a new place, and I am the nagging bitch....whining..."this is my home" blah blah.... I'm telling myself to get over it already you crybaby!!

It would be clean slate. Not that I can erase the all the hardships that happened here, and also I will never forget the good times, but at least not eveything will be a reminder of what was. Andie Pandie mentioned something similar in her blog, and it struck a nerve in me. Let the old shit go already, and get on with it. Because you can't bring them back, no matter how much you pay homage to thier lives. And I think I have been stuck there for a long time, and I have to get out of my rut and pay more attention ..of what is now. For us...

We will still host Christmas, for the family no matter where we live, but I would appreciate it if my nephew Damon, kept his pecker in his pants, three girls is enough for gawd's sake. Two children per couple is acceptable, but if you go for three, you are pushing it for the "grands." just saying...

While I hast yer attention, I have some pic's of Penny in her concrete playground today.. and some udder shit...





oops..just having a peek from my hiddy hole.



I put the ball in the tree and she grabbed it from underneath the patio stones!


I feel sorry for the real flowers, because long after they are dead the smily face pail will live on along with phoney flowers beneath him. You can never have too many plastic flowers, God bless you Wal Mart.







The dump cake that took one. I have made a few dump cakes in my life, but this one took a life of it's own, it just kept on getting bigger and bigger. A piece of it fell off into the oven...notice the piece missing in the front. I had to take it out of the oven, because I was concerned about the well being of our planet..I let it cool and then threw it along with it's foil cake pan in a black garbabe bag. So much for recyling.
I can't see anyone eating that shit except Barbie.

My dog has hate in her eyes

We just finished supper, we had baked farmer sausage, with new potatoes, and corn on the cob. I gave her 1/2 of an eaten cob, and now she is dragging it all over the house and growling. Fer God's sake..it's not even meat. When did dog's get to be veg heads? I'm going to put some tofu in her food dish tomorrow and see how far this has veggie dog trend has got to. She wouldn't let me near her until she ate the cob, then smacked her chops, after she finished it all. No apology for her unseemly behavior.

I can't wait to see what that looks like on the lawn tomorrow.

I see blogger has a new beta version

Who is going to try it first? Opps you did? Nice knowing you.

Hey, after all the time I have spent getting freebie templates, they finally have gifted us with a few more new ones. Not bad for a service that charges you nothing. I really appreciate it, and I say that seriously because I can't afford WordPress because it's free. (small joke at my expense).

I'ts getting late tonight, but I just wanted to tell you folkers that..tonight a flock of geese flew over my deck ... so low..I could have grabbed one of their feets and pulled him down and had him for supper. Their flapping wings made my hair move. That is how close it was. It would have been much better than our supper tonight. Let's just say the steak we ate had been in the freezer..jest a little too long and tasted like ..ummm Ed Sullivan...kind old and tough. A goose would have been perfect. One can never get enough goose. (wink)

All is calm in chez Martinez...no climbing of trees, no carting around heavy cement patio slabs, just swatting a trillion wasps that have decided to make our home theirs. Yesterday I read a solution for that, "spray" Windex on your patio table and "wasps be gone.".... well it worked. I guess it's the ammonia in there they don't like, they didn't come close to the table again. But flies don't give a shit, they mainlined it... and flew off to Woodstock and jammed.

Getting late, Penny's sniffing around telling me to git my fat ass to bed.

(note to myself) "publish post"

Found a interesting blog

This blog will either drive you crazy or make you want to talk funny.

http://houseoffame.blogspot.com/2006/08/serpentes-on-shippe-spoylerez.html

I don't know why I can't make a direct link anymore. phoo

I'm getting addicted to it.

eg.
chapter the ist

Hit befelle uppon a day that SIR SEAN de JEHANNE, who was a yonge knight and a gentil, dide wander as adventures wolde gyde hym nere to the fayre citee of Honolulle. He lepede on his hors from manye an heigh hille yn slowe mocioun yn the maner of a goode knighte and a valyaunte. And whan it was nyghe none, Sir Sean cam to a grete bridge that was made of oold by the Romayns, and from that bridge did hange doun-ward an eremyte whos visage was ful hewn and bledde and al his clothes and the place aboute weren bloode red. And Sir Sean askede hym what he did ther and wherefor he was hanged and who had so grievousli him woundede; ‘Fle from this place, Sir Knight,’ he seyde, ‘For the man cometh who did thes woundes to me and he is a grete kynge but a felon and a traytour and hys name is KYNGE EDICHIM and he hath doon this to me by cause ich haue stood ayeinst hys grete outrages and felonies.’

I've been getting messages from the blogging gods today

Everyone seems to want to help me out of my slump.
First I got this:
http://www.thenonist.com/downloads/thenonist_blog_depression.pdf

I hope it works..I had to cut and paste, but it's worth the while.

and then I got this:

Hey Joan
My name is Yvonne. I spent some time reading your blog on
Blogger.com today and I thought you might be interested in this
offer.

I work for a word of mouth marketing company called Matchstick and
I'm looking to give away brand new multimedia smart phones to a
number of qualified individuals and I feel you could be a great
candidate. Please have a look at the below criteria and feel free
to contact me with any questions you may have.

Thanks for your time, I hope to hear from you soon.

---
Yvonne
Matchstick Inc.
yvonne@matchstick.ca
416-530-8000 x 211

I am looking for existing Rogers customers who meet the following
criteria:

. Hosts a popular blog with 400+ hits a day

Okay Yvonne with a "Y".. did yee not see the (3) in my comment section. I personally try to keep my ratings low so as not to embarrass my competition. I didn't attend BlogHer this year only because I didn't want to take all the attention away from "Dooce"..who, by the way is the funnest person in the blogging hemisphere, go and bother her, she gets 400 hits a minute.

. A current Rogers cell phone subscriber (phone only
supported with the Rogers network)

Yvonne, with a "Y" ..you babe in the woods, if you would have seen my addy, you would have know I was an MTS subscriber. Nice trick.

. Between the ages of 22-35

Yvonne, with a "Y"..now you have gone and done it...you hurt my feelings, I'm much older than that, but I guess you were thinking I might want to "text" message all my "boy toys".. well Yvonne, actually can I call you vonne?, because I am tired of typing the "Y"...you can tell "Roger" the "doger" to stick it up hims arse..

. Keeps his/ her blog updated on a regular basis with
pictures and video
. Very socially active

Vonne, I keep my blog updated on a regular basis with pictures, but I am video challenged at the moment, but if you think I would be a good candidate, I would suggest you send me a free video camera..of good quality of course. I wouldn't want to give "Roger" a bad name with my bad quality porno movies.

And yes, I am very socially active, and have a few diseases to prove it.. I am the "hooker" between Sherbrook and Ellice, (you know the one with the whip). And all my boy friends are named John, who only subscibe to MTS.

This phone will give you a chance to start or continue photo and
Video blogging! We think you will thoroughly enjoy this product and
its features, and if you do, we would encourage you to talk about
it. If you or someone you know fits these criteria we would love to
hear from you!

Vonne,

Now isn't that a joke, I started out making fun of her name, and she signs it Vonne, LOL...I can tell she wants to be my friend.

P.S. Feel free to blog about this offer so fellow bloggers that qualify
can benefit from this too!

Okay all (3-4) of my readers...feel free to take VONNE...on her offer...what a dirtbag!!




I have noticed lately that advertisers have found a new medium, and try to find bloggers to put up their advertising in the side bars. Most of the really popular bloggers don't use the lowly free "blogger"..they use Word Press or some other company they have to pay for to put up their blogs.

I'm wondering where this world of blogging is going to. In a way it's exciting that this is now an attributed forum for so many different venues. From politics..Gardening, cooking, etc. to just shooting the shit. I'ts come a long way baby.

Don't make that spaghetti recipe just yet.. you know the one one yer left

It's not a TNT (tried and true) one. I am making it tonight. I can't get passed the sweet pickles, but the lady who sent it into NANCY'S KITCHEN promised nothing less than ..hey hey.. what can I say..about it! I'm starting to wonder if someone was fucking with Nancy's mind and she posted it to the recipe newsletter. Like maybe the next time they will send in a recipe and tell you to put two pounds of mice droppings in your blender, along with some chicken stock, and mix it all about..and we all do it..because someone said it tasted good..barf.

Sometimes we are followers, when it comes to recipes, and if it looks good, we make it. In my case this did not look good, but I did it anyway...because I'm an idiot. I took a few spoonfulls, licked at it and didn't find it awful, but nor did I find it fine! The truth will be in the pudding, when it goes over the pasta.

I never, but never, taste my food when I make it. I can't. I smell it, wave at it a bit and get the general idea. That is why we have so much garbage. I should actually get some of that crap in my mouth before I have to serve it to the dog.

I've been having one of those blog days in my head. I haven't had it for a long time. I have been writing everything I encounter on a day to day basis.. I am missing writing in a non-reactive way with some feeling, and telling a story. I started out doing that, and I stopped once I thought I was so funny. I know I have a sense of humour, but I think I let it get in my way of doing some good story tellin. Now, I have put myself in a deep dark hole...I'll have to come up with some good shit. I don't know, I just feel this way now, and want to talk about stuff other than our patio. God knows, we will both be dead by the time that is finished. And I got a shit load of stories to tell. Mind you, I will have to go back into my archives to make sure I haven't told them before this and embellished it all. Shit like that happens when you gets old.


I got a few good one's simmering in my head. Think partying nakid and ordering in pizza in 1972. I bet that Pizza guy has never forgot that party!! So, you see I have a basketfull of stories to tell...please don't judge me, as I was "a former flower child".. and now I am a full grown weed.

NOTE: DO NOT MAKE THE RECIPE, I WILL REMOVE IT ON THURSDAY...IT TASTES LIKE TOE JAM. I'M CHUCKING IT. Why in god's name would I even consider putting sweet bread and butter pickles in my spaghetti sauce? I have no common sense...none whatsoever..

Yours truly,
balonie..........it takes a village to make an idiot.

I'm wavering...waffeling.. wait that's not a word ..whatever..

I don't want to give Special K any chance to say "I told ya so", but I'm finding my blog a little hard to read. Maybe it's my old eyes...but if I was reading someone else's blog that looks like this, I would be hard pressed. It's too busy!! That damn Brenda, she changed her blog, and it's so nice and bright, and mine feels like a hole in the wall.

Soooo, I'll be taking me lumps, and try to brighten it up, because I can't stand it. I love to read clear and concise blogs, and this is not one of them. What in the devil is wrong with me? I was thinking I could tinker with the font and make it larger. Yeah... and throw all the side bars to hell...won't happen.

On another note, our evening of disaster last night didn't end until this morning. After Gord got up this morning, got dressed, and stepped out on the deck (without shoes) and gazed upon the light fixture he had dismantled yesterday, and he stepped in a pool of water with his socks. Ya know, all you can do is laugh when it just keeps on coming your way!!! fucccccccccdge.

Can you believe this? I mean..really..The Domino effect

Since Gord came home from work today, we have experienced some really bad things and they just kept on getting from bad to worse. He brought home a CAN of FOAM, to spray under the side of the garage where the water was coming in this spring. He was wearing his new pants..that I spent 3 hours hemming yesterday, (because I am not a good hemmer...but I sure as hell can HAW...nevermind. I stayed away from him tonight, mainly because I didn't want to have Foam sex, nor did I even want to see what he was about to destroy. It only took 25 minutes before he was in the house with half the foam all over his NEWLY hemmed pants. You can't get that shit out!! He had it all over his hands, on his shoes and ...Unfortunately none on his mouth. Bad luck I say. Do think it ended there? ...nooooooooh.

He took off his NEWLY HEMMED PANTS.. and went to the kitchen sink and sprayed the spot with WD40. Well, I cook in the kitchen, and had food ready for supper while he sprayed this shit everywhere! I knew he was worried that he had fucked up his new pants...so he just kept on going on about having to get it out. I finally grabbed them out of the kitchen sink and brought them into the bathroom and let him keep scrubbing. But, what I didn't notice was he had brought out the "GOO GONE", and was putting that on the "huge spot" as well. Okay folks, we all know we shouldn't be mixing chemicals. It stunk to high heaven in there. I put on the fan and told him to get the hell out of there and I would see what I could do. I washed out all the crap and put them in the washing machine. There is still a spot on the pants that will never come out, and it's around his fly...it looks like he just had a Foam Sex. ALL BY HIMSELF. So, he threw them back into the washer again...just in case magic would happen.

It didn't end there...oh no..just before supper he donned his housecoat, and strutted out on to the deck, juice glass in hand, pointing out to where he had severed the tree limb yesterday, and patting himself on the back for his efforts. Then he noticed that we had some water in the light fixture that shines down from the deck onto the back yard. He climbed up on a patio chair, took off the lens, and all the water poured down his housecoat. Now, his housecoat, and pants are all in the same wash. No one could make this shit up...gawwwd.. Oh, just wait a minute, during all this crap, the smoke alarm down in the basement was making a beeping sound, and I knew it meant the battery was low. Before HE could get there, I raced down and removed it by myself, God only know what would have happened it he would have tackled that job. It was straight out of a Pink Panther movie..and if I would have had the moves, I would have been Kato...and punched his lights out.

"Monday morning you gave me no warning of what was to be" those mama's and pappa's knew what they were talking about.

Tree Sex

 

So, now we are here again "interneters"..my chance to spew a little of what has gone in my life this week. 

The fact that I am here at all is that we didn't work "smart" on the patio project today.  Nope, the boss gave me Sunday off, after all it's the Lord's day, and killing your wife with hard labour is frowned upon in heaven.  But..(you knew this was coming didn't you) his Lordship in his wisdom had another Sunday project planned. We have a tree limb about a foot in diameter that has been leaning into our eaves, and grunts and groans against the house every day. As an aside, it is right on top of our bedroom window.  Two weeks ago, he climbed the very tall ladder to the second story, and with a very dull saw cut away most of the branches.  It still grunted and groaned against the eaves every night.  Today, he came up with an electric saw.  This baby will cut down trees and can also be used to cut the stairs to our deck once we finish putting the patio stones back in place.  What a deal. My only thinking was, which one was going to kill him first. 

Okay then, he put the ladder (you know the one you saw me down on the ground with) back up to the highest point of the house.  There wasn't much room, between the tree and the house,  it was pretty well "straight up".  He got on the roof and started to take the biggest branches off before he took the limb off.  Those were big MF branches I tells ya, and when it fell, I felt the earth move.  I called up and asked him.."how was it for you"? He said "Man I am tired that was a big one", I said .."yeah, it was good for me too, it just missed my head".  All this in front of our neighbours to hear!.  Now they will know all our secrets. But like the twenty year old he is in his brain, he said "I'm going to chop off the rest of the offending limb from the tree trunk"... I called up, and said, enough already, you are going to kill yourself.  He said, "you are starting to piss me off"...WHAT! I yelled, just after we had tree sex!! You bastard! 

So, then he left the ladder that was propped against the house and stepped into the tree.  It's one of those tree climbing trees with a lot of huge limbs.  He positioned himself between the limbs lower down of the offending limb and sawed and sawed.  I was at the bottom holding the ladder, finally he said to me, "why are holding the ladder, I'm in the tree"?  Good question.  I guess I just like to help.  He finally asked me to get out of the way because the limb was going to fall any minute and it may just land on my "dogooder" head if I didn't move.  I didn't move, but was very surprised when it fell within inches of me while I was still holding the ladder with no one on it.  One can never be too careful. 

So, we cleaned up the yard, and I thanked God nobody was killed in our effort to stop the groaning above our bedroom window.  Our neighbours will miss that!

Gord and his bro Ron went out yesterday on their bikes to a small community in southern Manitoba to see the Windmills.  They are giant!!  And so majestic.  This is a new power source they are using in our province.

Gord at the bottom of the big mudder windmill ...he's my cool Fat Kat. I liked the way the picture turned out with only the two props showing in the pic..what good luck photography. Give the guy a ladder and he would have climbed it!

His Bro Ron

Still tweaking

My recipe thingie isn't coming out like I thought. I think I have to put some code in front of each line to make it come out nice. I think. (make mental note) for tomorrow. I had a ton of blinkies ready to set up, but they were all too big, I even shrunk them in photobucket, but none worked except the Canadian one in red on the sidebar. Well, I don't want a whole lot of razzle dazzle, but some of them were so fine, they blew me mind. I will photoshop them and see what I can do.

Mowed de lawn tonite. First time since the end of June. Gotta love a drought. Finally everything looks the way it should, it only took the entire summer. Except for the friggin patio screw up.

Penny and I sat out on the deck tonight until 10:30, it was so beautiful while Gord was doing CNN inside. I was watching all the airplanes coming in from the east, going towards the airport. It was so quite out there, no noise (not even from the planes because they were far away) ...just my pond trickling, and a few crickets chirping...now that is what summer is all about. Not a mosquitoe in sight.

Okay, now I am going to go and publish this to see how it looks on my new blog skin...testing ..testing...

The boss is gone for the rest of the week

And I get to play.

Soooo, I found a template I love. But, it's a hard one, for the html challenged. So I will be playing with it all week and tweaking it. It has three sections, so it's very different than what I am used to. Let's see if I can get it working. I just worry it will look too busy. But, if it does, hey....I can change it again. I like change. It's easier than moving my living room furniture.

okay I got me an Andie Pandie bitch

I know you neighbours on the right hand side of my house have just recently retired. Until this time you have never entertained in your home. You had a cottage at the lake and did it all there. Apparently, from what I see now you have been building an entertainment centre in your backyard. Along with a fire pit. Now, don't get me wrong I loves me a good ole fire just like anyone else when I go to the lake. But, what I don't like is stinky smoke waifting over my deck in the city. I was sitting on the deck, and I smell like a roasted pig. You people no longer live at the lake, and we city folks don't take kindly to wood smoke getting into our eyes and clothes. My husband, the devout Lutheran coughs his lungs up with this smoke.

I realize you have sold your cottage and now are trying to relive that lifestyle in an urban setting. I don't know how to tell you I am pissed off. You have been good neighbours for over 20 years, except for the times your "head injured son" tried to kill my dog, and threw fire crackers on my roof. For those few incidents, I forgave. But, I can't understand your renewed interest in entertaining and setting a fire every night. I love the pond you built, even tho, it's a mosquito pit..and by the way good luck with having all yer grandchildren there every damn day!! I know you are in your freedom years, and your weird son has moved out, but fortheloveofaduck...all you do is yell at the grandkids and tell them not to touch this or that, and try not to drown them in the pond you built.

You have a lovely yard, a yard I would kill for, and sometimes I see you looking over my fence and smirking.. while your eyes survey my eclectic version of a garden and pond theme.

Just because me and mister are having words every Sunday as we are rebuilding the wall of China, gives you no right to put all the smoke in our pie holes. Got it!

Yesterday missing pics

I call this one...throwing out the baby with the bathwater.  This is where he unceremoniously dumped me after I was all used up.

Patio.. under construction

My sweet Penny

We took a little road trip last week-end to check out the harvest.

Still trying to get the job done.

Another week come and gone. I have to apologize for not posting as much as I used to, but there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. Winter, my best friend will soon be here and I can justify spending more time online.

First week back at work from holidays was a little stressful, but I'm back to the old grind. I like structure, so at least now I'm not just pissing away my time. Well, not at home anyway that is... heh.

The German Vermin... was back at it today. Right after lunch, we had to get back to fixing up the patio. Lord. Don't Lutherans take the Sabbath day off? Apparently they don't. He pointed a stick at me and said.. "Und if ve dow'nt getz dis done son, it vill be vinter und den in spring ve vill be geflooded against. "....yeah right, where is my shovel?

So Plan A: for today was to take all the Sandbags he had stored out by the front fence, truck them in with the wheelbarrow to the back....break them open and start spreading the sand. These were old sandbags someone was giving away when they built the ark, and he brought them home. They were free, need I say more. It was pretty funny, he wheelbarrowed about 30 bags and scattered them on the ground of the patio. I was just coming down the stairs and he said to me in a ultra serious voice, "we will never get these bags opened, they are so strong we will need an Axe!"..As I peered down at him from the steps, I saw Fred Flintstone talking to me..I swear. Who uses axes nowaday except serial killers? The bag holding the sand is a made of a very strong plastic material, but it certainly is not axe worthy.

I said, we have an exacto knife in the toolbox, all I have to do is cut the bag... and pour. I gave my Lutheran the "look" and said "watch me." I went in the house and came out with my handy dandy exacto knife that I have used in a multitude of airline hijackings, waved it around his nose, came at him a little close with it zig zagged it close to his jugular, then bent down and cut the bag open...like it was butter. He was in awe. I think he was glad at last that he married a Mennonite woman, because if we are given the tools, we know how to use them. Even if we married one. Man..it was like butter.. I swear.

This is a big job, and since we are sixty something, we decided to "work smart." Take breaks, and don't work in the sun. If something can be lifted without to much stress, do that. Be inventive. Well, the Burgermeister forgot the rules half way throughout the game. He kept on bringing load after load of sandbags to the patio ..and I was cutting the bags open as fast as me little finger would go. Finally, I had to take the Lutheran aside and bring the knife up to his neck and whisper softly in his ear, "one more load"... and you are a dead man. Much later I brought some juice and snacks down to the patio, and we laughed ourselves silly at our folly.

We didn't get it all done, because "we worked smart"..ahem.. but we have a start on it and will keep on trucking till we either end up in the ER, or I cut him.

I tried to put up some pic's but of course blogger shut me down. I couldn't even put up a photofuckbucket one.

Just for the record:

Sunday night supper:

Pot Roast with delicious gravy ... I put a little red wine in the pot.
Roasted spuds
Broccoli/Cauliflower/new carrots in butter and Parmesan cheese
Whole wheat rolls
Dessert: Fruit loops..just kidding.

Kumbya.. my Lord

It was a morning like most others, until Gord woke up. He said, "soldier", get your ass out of bed as we have a shit load of work to do in the back 40. I turned over, and said "Major General"..kiss this. He ignored my generous offer.

Striped of my blankets, I was forced to get up. I haven't been up before 11:00 AM for a whole week, and I felt a little addled. I got up and brushed my toes and then my teeth...and stumbled into the shower. Then I remembered today, was the day we were going to lift 100 patio stones each weighing more than the Titanic!! A strange peace enveloped me, I thought, okay, if I must leave this world today at the least, I'm going out clean.

We worked our asses off. The patio stones have to come off because they are sinking, and we believe that is the reason we have water in our basement every spring. So, the reasoning is, to build them up, with sand etc. until we are dead. Dead like door knobs. Originally we were only going to take off half of them, and put sand under them, until "Hitler" saw a flaw in his plan, and now has decided to pull up all of them. Und zen, nu we haften to pullen zhem all oops. Schweinfucker.

This is how the morning went:

We pulled up some the offending patio stones



And this is where we stacked them:



It looks like a graveyard doesn't it. We couldn't find Penny for about twenty minutes, and started to do an inscription on one of the stones.

I was so tired, after that, I started to demcompress. I had me no more jam. All I could hear was the strains of music coming from the deck, and it was "Kumbya"
...it saved my life!! No kidding. Peter, Paul and Mary have amazing life saving techniques. I would recommend them to anyone one on life support.

But, even Peter Paul and Mary couldn't get me back to life for the first 20 minutes, I was a tuckered brick unlayer.
.... Someone's Crying Lord, Kumbya, Someone's Crying Lord Kumbya...


Yes, that is me. No life left in that once pristine body of mine. My life juices were drained out. Flat as a pancake in the dirt.
....Someone's Praying Lord, Kumbya, Someone's Praying Lord Kumbya...
And that folks, is my fav pair of sweats with a big hole in the butt, and my Christmas sweatshirt.


I made my way to the pond for some water, I was dehydrated, hot and had bad hair. All I wanted was a drink and get my body back...
.... Someone's drinking Lord, Kumbya, someone's drinking Lord Kumbya...
Someone's hanging Lord, Kumbya, Someone's hanging Lord, Kumbya...
I just need me a little airing out, so Gord gave me a breather ... geez . I'm wearing my hat backwards like the cool girls do.










Someone died here Kumbya..Someone died here Kumbya.
Okay, then...Mein Herr asked me to get on the ladder and start taking all the leaves out of the eaves. Opps, that damn west wind.
Someone's drinking here, Kumbya, someone's drinking here..Kumbya

I couldn't take it anymore, I had to go up to the deck and have a glass of wine.

Someone's making an ass of herself here, Kumbya, someone's making an ass of herself here, Kumbya...

Suddenly I felt much better about myself, it was coming back to life, I felt so rehydrated. Everyone should do shots of Miracle Grow on the weekends.


The Gestapo was adamant that I pick all the apples from our apple tree. I did the best I could, but golly gee some of the apples were way to high for me to reach, and it was hard not having a body and all. So he hung me.
Kumbya...are you still singing?



And then I fell down, and my dog ate me. THE END



Someone's sleeping here, Kumbya, Someone's sleeping here Kumbya...zzzzzzzzzzzz

You gotta love PP&Mary

I forgot Sunday supper last week

What was I thinking? It was only the run of the mill (yet homemade spaghetti). Nothing worth reciping about. We didn't have our Friday night pizza, just some snacks, and on Saturday, Gord was out all day at the Festival and by the time he got home I just laid a few burgers on the fire and called it a night, after all temp was only 100 and a fuck degrees, and I didn't want to heat up the house. So, when Sunday rolled around I needed me some real food. Not just snacks and burgers. I wanted something filling. So I made the spaghetti. Went to sleep after that like a rock. Sorta like Tony Soprano does after the does he bumps someone off.

Okay, I do have a recipe I HAVE to share, it is so good you will wet your drawers. Well maybe not. I just loved it, I made it last night and we have leftovers for tonight.

SWEET AND SOUR PINEAPPLE PORK ( I changed it to Chicken) (from Company's Coming cookbook)

(are you with me so far) okay then..I changed a few things...they make you use way to many pots etc. for a simple recipe. I don't like cleaning pots. Nosiree.

Best thing is, if you have an ELECTRIC FRY PAN use it. The electric fry pan has been my best friend all my life. I don't usually fry anything in it, but I make all my casseroles, spaghetti sauces etc in it. I can start supper early, and just adjust the timing as I go if we eat late, as we usually do. Okay, I have gone off the recipe path..


1 - can of condensed chicken broth
1/4 - cup vinegar
1/4 - cup soy sauce
1/4 - cup brown sugar (packed) ..as an aside I love demerra brown sugar.
1 - can of Pineapple "Timbits"..opps make that Tidbits..
A - generous sprinkle of garlic powder.
4 - Chicken Breasts cut up into 3/4" cubes..whatever
Freshly ground pepper
1 - Onion cut lenghwise and chopped into pieces..like you hate someone
1 - Large Red Pepper, cut into 1/2" slivers...I made mine bigger
1/4 cup soy sauce
3 - tbsp. Cornstarch


Okay, now I am not following the book again. Here is how it went down.

.. I put a litte canola oil in my frying pan, threw in the chicken pieces, and gave them a good amount of pepper. Fried them up along with the onions and peppers until they were good to go.

I made a cocktail of: (see above)
The can of chicken soup
White vinegar
Brown sugar
Generous amount of garlic
Soy Sauce
The juice from the can of pineapple
And the Cornstarch...

Mixed it all about (did the hokey pokey) and threw it in with the chicken...let it go a few minutes along with the pineapple tid bits to thicken... turned it on low and let it go until it was done...

Served it with fluffy light white rice, but it would be good with brown.

It made for a very generous serving for two people, so we are having it again tonight, whereupon I will be throwing in about 10 plump shrimp.

`````

I have been farting around with this post for three days, and never published it. I was going to see how utterley boring I could make it, but I have re-read it 457 times and it still does not seem boring enough. Okay, you talked me into it...I'll tell you about my hair cut yesterday and the douche bag who cut it. (who gave me a freaking seniors discount I DID NOT ASK FOR! Now, I'm not saying I don't mind me a little savings here and there, but only IF I YOU GIVE YOU A COUPON. I has to be MY idea..get it? And furthermore, I will let you know when and where I want to turn into a senior citizen. It's my body, so shut the fuck up...okay?

Phew, that has been simmering on the back burner awhile now, I hope she reads my blog. I know she will not forget me, how could she, because I accidently did not leave her a tip. Oh, and yeah, you should see my hair, what is left of it. I looks like someone found my leaf blower, pointed it at my head and blew me off the deck.

It's thundering I better check outta here. I'm off find some hair extenstions.



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Here's Gord getting ready for his annual Sunflower Festival Parade in the Excalibur.  It's his brothers car.  He rides a Sunflower Queen Candidate in the parade each year.  Well, he doesn't actually "ride" her, he takes the top off the car and she sits all queenly like on a big pillow in the back seat.  There isn't much room to sit back there, but he hasn't lost one yet.  That would be pretty funny...ha I just imagined it.

You know when...

You have the best idea for a blog, and you poop it out in your diaper. Yes, it's all gone bye bye. I have had way too much rest this week, I can't be bothered to let the world get to me.

Penny and I have been having a blast. Blast meaning I almost killed her with my new, mean, lean leaf blower machine. Gord has a gas powered one, but I'm hard pressed to actually getting him to use it. This summer has been so dry I can't get the forest to stop dropping it's crap in me deck. I have branches, gunk, leaves all over my patio table and deck, where I like to sits for a little quite time. So, I bought me "Big Bertha" ... and it's quite no longer. Nosiree.



I had two mishaps, on her first outing. First of all, I didn't realize how powerful it was. I was expecting it to blow softly and all ladylike because it wasn't "gas powered." Mistake. She is no girlie machine. When I got Bertha all connected and shit, I aimed it at the leaves on the deck. But, what I didn't notice was Penny was sitting on the deck amongst those leaves. I damn near blew her boots off!! HA.. She went flying down the stairs to safety on the lawn! Okay then, I realized I needed to hold on to the top handle ... Which I like to call the "aimer", which gives me more control of where I blow. (nevermind)

I powered Bertha up again, and she blew the leaves off the deck like a two bit whore. Match made in heaven. Now, I have two corner plant holders on each side of the deck with little bird houses that I nailed down on the railing, just to look pretty. Well, these bird houses were all full of leaves, and spider webs, so I thought I would take a short shot at them with BB (Big Bertha) Wellfortheloveofatwobyfour, don't you think I didn't blow the plant, and the birdhouse right off the deck!! I did! My beautiful begonia was laying on the deck and the bird house flew right off the end of the deck and landed on the lawn below. I looked around and wondered where Penny was, good lord, as I looked down from the deck she was standing a few inches where the bird house landed, with a very confused look on her face. The floor of the birdhouse was still nailed into the deck with huge staples gaping out of it, but the skeleton was at Penny's feet. I wasn't sure if it has hit her or not, so I went running down to the lawn and when I got to her, she gave me the "what in the fuck are you doing" look. I checked her head for nail holes, but nothing was visible. But I believe there will be a permanent "trust" issue between us.

Dagnabit..I can't get blogger to put up the pics...hold on I will be right back.

Before

BR>


After




I put the shell of the bird house back on the staples that was holding the house together, but I pity the poor devil that will want to nest in there.

I had the begonia hanging in a tree..as is pic #1, but the wind was taking it's toll on it, so I moved it to the plant holder, and then I killed it. I am a murdereress.

But, the best thing is I still have Bertha, and tomorrow I'm going to take her to the cul de sac and scare little kids.

So far this week has been the best. I am so relaxed I could turn into a puddle. For once, I didn't plan ahead and make unrealistic goals to do reno's etc. on the house etc. I'm sleeping in..and in..and in and letting the day go where it may, and it's paying off. The weather has been acceptable, and we just had a great thunder shower!! 5 more days of this I can handle.