If I new you were a'coming I'd baked a cake..hired a band

I am not a good baker. That said, I have been dabbling in that art form. Patience is required when measuring, and such stuff. I also have a big hang up with messes..I don't like any messes. So, when I am baking my "art", I am also cleaning up faster than I am measuring and shit. I am constantly guessing, did I put the eggs in?..hmmm don't see them anywhere on the counter, might have, check the fridge, yes the eggs are in there, but are they in my batter for shitsake. Sugar, did I put it in?..don't know but when I stir it, it feels a little scratchie, so I musta. And so it goes.

I belong to a recipe website called Nancy's Kitchen and they have recipes galore in a newsletter I subscribe to. So, everyday, before I leave work I open my email recipe page from my friend Nancy, to gets some ideas what to make for supper when I get home. Then, when my boss isn't lookin' I print em...take them home and usually never try them. I have 5000 lbs. of paper with recipes in my house I have never read again....but they's might be handy one day...yaneverknow. I like to keep all my options open.

Well on Tuesday I decided to make one of them...it's called a dump cake. Easy as pie they say. All you do is take a 1-step Angel Cake mix and a large can of crushed pineapple...dump it all together ..throw in a cake pan ....and let er go. NOW THIS, is how I likes to bake, I can't forget anything. When I was mixing the crushed pineapple with the cake mix, it was afizzling and stuff, and if you would have seen me..I had a crease in my brow, you would have known..balonie was a little over her head. The recipe didn't say anything about no fizzling. I put on my safety glasses jest in case we had a little experiment here..that had gone wrong. No, nothing exploded but it just kept fizzling, so I put it in baking pan...just a tad smaller than suggested...but whathewho...I don't have every friggin size baking pan for every sucker recipe that they suggest...so I.do.what.I have.to. wing it.

Well, it still was fizzling and shit, and was going over the pan. Common sense prevailed...take some of the batter out, "dipshit", which I did. Now I have the level up to the rim of the pan. It's still fizzling. I thought that would be the end of it...but by now it has a life of it's own.. I stuck in the oven, and hoped for the best. As time went by, I was getting a little unchillaxed, my nerve endings wanted to LOOK IN THE FUCKING OVEN TO SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING!...but then I remembered my Mom's words, "don't ever open the over door when a cake is baking, because it will....FALL"...okay..where? further down to the bottom rack?..where will this fucker fall?

I had to peek, because forsomegodforsakingreason...my oven light does not stay on unless you open the stinkin' door. By this time the cake had a huge "phallic thing going on"...it was peaking right in the middle, it looked like a porno show. Anyway, I left it in for the rest of the time required, and after a few more peeks, it seemed to be browning up nicely. I took out, and put it on the counter to cool off. I had some stuff to do around the house and I came back in awhile...and this is what I saw


Glory be... "thars a hole in the middle mama"..."yes sir papa. " thar sure is.

Actually this cake was really good, and the lady who submitted it said.. it would fall, but she didn't say ..how hard. And I so, believe her, because it did. I was very tasty, we had had it with some whipped cream topping...I rated it...a 8 out 10 in dumpster recipes. I found hundreds more "dump" cakes out on the internet...and on Nancy's Kitchen...she's a sweety.. I could have so have used the word "dump" many times tonite..but I zippered up me little my little dirty pie hole...oh that reminds me .... I have a great pie recipe coming up this weekend...and last but not least, I have a new golf cart coming up for Joe...he will love it.

Until the weekend..this is Betty Crock..signing off..

balonie..