Wednesday, July 27, 2011

If you were my Canon digital camera ... where would you be?

A.)  In my purse.

Wrong!  There is nothing in my purse other than my wallet, grocery receipts and a used condom I found on the street.

B.)  In my camera case on my desk.

Wrong!  That would be the logical place to be, so it couldn't possible be there...and it's not.  One possibility is that it my digital camera tripod (which is beside the camera case) grew to life and ran away with the camera and traded it to the natives for dried fish, ferret pelts, and budgie feathers.  The tripod is still there, but I'm sure it only came back to put me off the trail.  I tried to make it walk today, but it just stood there.  Bastard.

C.)  In the fridge. 

Wrong!  I looked.  The last time I used the camera was last Friday night.  Friday night is wine sipping and pizza night so looking in the fridge was not a stretch.  I never checked the freezer, not that wouldn't be a stretch either but I can't bear the thought of seeing my camera freezer burnt.

D.)  In my pantie drawer.

Wrong!  I opened the drawer but didn't look directly inside of it.  I just felt my way around for a medium sized metal object.  I found none.  All I could feel were all my panties trying to get away from my prying fingers.  Apparently they are still a little miffed at me using their drawer to house other undergarments not associated with covering your ass.

E.)  On the patio table where I often take pictures.

Wrong!  It wasn't on the table, under the table, or beside the table.  However, I do have a theory of what may have transpired.  CROWS.  Crows like shiny things don't they?  We have a lot of crows this year and my neighbour lady found a dead one on her patio yesterday.  My theory is he swept down and grabbed the camera by the hand strap and flew into her back yard with it.  The considerable weight of it may have dragged him down and he struck his head on her very large and ugly stone statue of some Greek Goddess.  I asked her if she had seen my camera and she had not.  The rest of the crows in the yard all shook their head in agreement.  Was this a conspiracy among the crows?  Did one of the crows find the camera flung from the dead crows beak in the bushes and made off with it...or not?  The crows and I have had a long standing feud going on and this may have been "payback" time. But at this point I cannot retaliate because I don't have my Canon to shoot them with!!

I have checked every nook and cranny of this house and it just isn't here.  I finally searched and found my old Kodak camera but the battery was dead and I couldn't find the charger thingamajig.  Finally after practically unearthing the house I found it.  So, for the time being I will still be able to take pictures. 

I am absolutely drained with all this searching!!

And no I don't think the dog "et" it...although lately every time she yawns I see a hear a click and a flash comes out of here mouth.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I have no new pictures of my house

Because I'm not going there until it's finished.  Surprise me when I move in.

Okay... I might drop in ... but I am preparing for an Open House this Sunday on our home.  I have a lot of work to do in the garden because I bought 10 bags of chocolate brown mulch to spread on the surface.  The shit's 5,000 degrees outside.  I don't ever remember a heat wave like this.  It is supposed to cool off tomorrow.  Our grass is crisp.  It looks like hay.. I need a cow.

I still have so much to do before Sunday and yet I cannot get my ass out of bed before 9:30AM....and am grouchy until 10:30AM....until the coffee kicks in....then I read a few blogs...then make lists of things to do in the afternoon.  By afternoon I mean 2:00PM  because Gord comes home for lunch at 12:30/1:00 and by the time I get my ass moving the day is almost gone.

It's all fine tuning actually.  The house has been painted, windows washed, garden pruned, carpets cleaned, it all about the little things.  Polishing the cupboards downstairs, railings, try to keep the dog groomed because it is shedding season...and the hair!!!!!  everywhere.  Arranging all my cluttered kitchen  cupboards ... because I tend to let things go there.  I gotta wash all the bathroom floors, and kitchen... vacuum the rest of the house ... yawn....I can't take this shit.

I spent about one hour today looking for the survey certificate for our property.  I could have done that anytime last winter...but noooooooo I leave it until the last moment.   I seem to get some kind of thrill out of time lines and trying to make them.  I have always been that way.  Loser.

I would like to make the house smell better for the open house on Sunday.  But as it is now we have to have everything closed up because of the heat fresh air.  Just the A/C. It smells like us in here.. a little funky ... my dog doesn't have a dog smell that I notice like some dogs do...but others may.   I have placed 4 unscented fresheners around the house because I don't want it to seem to be covering up my love of cooking with garlic and onions.   Do I bake a nice banana bread in the morning before the showing?  Would that be too obvious?  And just say......oh yeah our home always smells like vanilla and banana .. you will love it here!  Those smells are part of the purchase price.

I will at sometime have to explain why I laid sixteen floor tiles on top of regular flooring in my laundry room.  At an odd angle. Experiment gone wrong. And those buggers won't come off...The flooring in the laundry room is beige...I laid sixteen tiles on top of that leading into the room.  For no other reason than that I had them left over from tiling the entrance way to the house.  They are dark brown tiles so I thought it might look like a little carpet.  Apparently I may have over estimated my HGTV skills.  Or... I am cheap.  I have already carpeted over the tiling I put in the entrance way...because I was not good at it and the tiling separated and looked like sheeeeit. 

By the looks of it now...we are in for a thunderboomber.  I am not surprised with all this heat.  I get so crazy with the heat because I am just not used to it. I am so thankful for AC.....

Just a note:  Baby bro is still at home and holding his own.  He is managing his diabetes quite well. Although many changes have to be made from taking med's to insulin.  It's a new ball game.  But he is loving every minute being at home instead of the hospital. I never post anymore and here I go and talk your ass off....only because it's too fricking hot out there to sit on the deck and play on my IPad.  Kidding.... You know it's really crazy because I thought once I retired I would have all this time to blog.  I wouldn't have to worry if it was late at night or would have to get up early in the morning for work. But it turned out I was pretty burned out by trying to do both.  Or was I ??

I'm pretty sure I was just a jerk... because we all know I like the deadlines.  I have no excuse for not posting other than my fingers like doing other picking my nose, pruning a rose, taking a doze, ..yeah that's about right.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Time to get going........

Picking up the pace around here...getting stuff done.  We will be starting to sell the house next week.  I arranged and rearranged rooms to make them look bigger.  Especially the office here upstairs.  That was easy and I don't know why I never thought of doing it like that before. 

Cleaned all the woodwork in the kitchen...thanks Donna for the help.  I'm glad I had it on hand.  I used to use orange oil for my teak furniture but never thought to use it on the kitchen cabinets. duh... It's a wonder worker. 

Tomorrow the living room gets a make's almost empty because we threw most of the old furniture that will be easy...and then down to the lower levels ...which have all been cleaned etc. but I have all our business records etc. and Christmas decorations all in one closet..which I will distribute between two closets so it doesn't look too crowded. 

Then of course this has to be the only summer where we don't have any rain.  Our back 40 is dried out.  The lawn looks like my face....all dried up a wrinkly.  Tonight I tried to take the nozzle off the hose and attach it to the sprinkler.   nope.  Gord in all his wisdom thought I might forget to turn the water off  and our our leaking nozzle would pour 5,467 litres of water down the drain. And cranked that hose down tight.  Fer fuck sakes.  I could not get the hose out of the nozzle thingamadoo. 

Things are going faster that I anticipated.  Only because they we so slow before.  Crunch time. 

Friday, July 08, 2011

When you poo you move

Just sitting out on the deck this morning having my coffee and reading a few blogs....UNTIL 1,456 kids jumped in our neighbours pool ... all under the age of 4.  I have never heard so much noise in my entire life.  All the mothers began to frantically give the little tykes directions.

... stay in the shallow end
... don't eat bird poop
... don't take off your swim suit
... where is your diaper...oh noooooooooo

and on and on and on and on.  I'm sure the poor kids didn't even have a chance to get wet.  They were just marching around trying to figure out who to listen to first.  Between the Natzi moms and the screaming kids it sounded like a day care gone out of control.  This lasted for 20 minutes...then silence. 

I lowered my sling shot, and went in and got another cup of coffee and sat back down on the deck.  Two minutes later .... two minutes people... and it all started up again.  Apparently they moved the troops over two houses down to another pool!

I am pretty sure it had something to do with that lost diaper.