Sunday, December 31, 2006

It's Always Something...is three years old today

Three years ago I wrote:

It's New Years Eve...and we are snowed in tighter than a fart. I couldn't open the front door this morning to get the newspaper.. that wasn't there. Wouldn't you know it, it storms on my day off...shit.. I have noticed over the years that the storms always hit on the weekends or on my day off. No use having a storm unless you can get the day off work methinks. My poor Penny (my dog) couldn't even go out for a whiz this morning because the steps leading from the deck to the backyard were totally snowed in, so she pissed on the deck...oh well..at least is wasn't in the house!

Gord (my bitter half) couldn't wait to get out of here this morning to plow the snow. He bought a "blade" that attaches to our Bronco and he has been dying to use it. By lunch he had the whole cul de sac plowed....except our driveway..huh?...then he took off...I hope everyone in Winnipeg keeps there children in today...because he's on a mission and is known to scoop up what's ever in his way! 10 bucks says by the time he comes home the transmission, motor and whatever other moving parts the truck has will be shot!... because...it's always something around here.

And look what we woke up to this morning:






What a coincidence!

Plow Boy is in his glory. He has been plowing for 3 hours steady now. This is what if looked like at first:



Here he has managed to bring all the snow to the centre of the cul-de-sac and is preparing to make a road around it for all of the neighbours. When the real plows come they can move it wherever they want. But for now, everyone can get out. I was kinda worried he'd get dizzy driving in a circle like that for 3 hours.




Plow Boy saves the day!! ... I like the fact somethings still remain the same.

Now he is off to clear all the streets in the city before they have a chance to get out their equipment and spoil all his fun. My poor Explorer, she will be limping home tonight.

I'm feeling pretty perky today. I must have slept forever. I had a little spurt of energy when I wrote my last blog, but that soon proved to be just that.."a little spurt."

We plan on having Steak and Lobster later tonight, if he finishes clearing the world of it's snow in time. I have roasted potatoes, mushrooms and asparagus tips in the works as well. Clearin all that snow gives my man a hungerin for meat and pataters!

As I was reading my very first blog three years ago, I am a little sorry I switched to haloscan later on, because all my comments are gone except for the time I used blogger for comments. I guess if I wouldn't have switched templates 3,465 times they would still be there. I know!

My first comments were from Mary Lou and Sally! Hi you two! And here is what they had to say.



At 7:03 PM, Mary Lou said…
Hey!!! It works fine!! DOnt worry about hello working, because I cant get it to work for me today either. OH YEAH PIZZA just got here!!! gotta go eat. I will be your mentor anytime. HAPPY NEW YEAR Joan!

At 7:30 PM, Sally said…
Welcome Joan to this crazy blogging life. Really, you're gonna love it and make so many new friends.Happy New Year!

...........................

Okay, enough of all the schmaltzy talk. I have bone to pick with Canadian Tire. Turn off your sets if you don't want to hear me say the "F" word A LOT.

As usual, I managed to buy a number of gifts that were not suitable and they needed to be returned. I have no idea why somebody wouldn't like a "Talking Pig"... You put it in your fridge and when the door opens it belts out "OINK OINK OINK OINK" until your nose bleeds or you close the fridge door. It certainly would be a reminder to those who live together, that one of them is at the trough, when he/she might be better off grazing on Kellogg's All-Bran with Psyllium. Hurt feelings abounded, so back he went in his pig pen. The other gift wasn't inappropriate, but TOO EXPENSE AND YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR IT GO ON SALE! Well, Einstein, Christmas would have been over! The Giftee, scoured the flyer's for days after Christmas and found it had gone on sale for 40.00 bucks less than I paid for it. Score.

I don't like taking anything back, much less ask for a discount for an item purchased 3 weeks ago. There was no argument to be won, I would have to take back the pig and the receipt for the item that went on sale. Schweinhund!

I drove to Canadian Tire, really slow, because I was pouting. And, YOU in the YELLOW, SUV..WTF! You have the nerve to pull past me at an alarming rate of speed and cut me off, just because I was driving in a conscientious manner. Who drives a Yellow SUV? It looks like a very large gay piss pot!

Once in the store, with my pig and receipt in hand I approached the Customer Service section, tore off the ticket number and stood in line. I was number 28, the number clock on the wall said 3. I was 25th. in line. And all I had was a pig in poke and a receipt. Fuck! The line broke up and people started to wandering around because they knew they were in for the long haul. Some of them actually went to the "Stool" section and brought new stools to sit on while they waited. I just hung on some metal shelving looking lifeless. A very perky lady behind me started to make conversation with all those around her that would listen. She was bringing back a wine cooler fridge thing a ma jig. She went into great detail, on how stupid the manufacturer of the wine cooler was, because none of her wine bottles would fit into it... and letting us know every time the clock counter changed numbers. I wanted to suggest to her, that perhaps if she bought smaller bottles of ripple they might fit. I don't know what she was trying to fit into that thing, but I think a fridge would have been more appropriate for her wine tastes. I know, because nothing I make would fit in there!

Then she went into great detail, about cashing in on boxing day sales, shopping early, yadda yadda yadda. I kept a frozen clenched teeth grin about me all the time before I set off my medic alert bracelet. God...it went on forever....."oh look, she kept on saying...it's number 22, 23, 24, 25, and when it turned to 26, I said to her...oh look, it's your turn to fuck yourself!! Okay, I left off the last three words, but fortheloveofkriskringle......get her away from me.

Finally, it was my turn. I was prepared. I had the pig in a bag with the receipt, and the other receipt for the hugely overblown price of the item I had bought. I wasn't sure if they would give me the sale price after the fact, but I was instructed to be firm. I can produce tears at will, so given this god given talent, I was sure that if I was rejected they might just feel sorry for me and give me back my 40.00 bucks. First I presented the Pig. No problem, they asked if it was defective, and I said no, the only problem with it was too vocal. She laughed. And gave me my 3.99 back. Then I produced the receipt, and the flyer of the overpriced item I had bought before Christmas. She took it, checked it out and said YES, they could do it because it was within the time limit of the purchase. I didn't even have to cry! But before I could take off my "begging face" she said..."we will have to clear this with the department." So, I left my "begging face" on until the Supervisor showed up and put his John Hancock on it! Crikey, that was easy. As I was leaving I saw Ms. #26 was still at the till arguing with the cashier about her wine cooler, so I whipped off my sweat pants and gave my moon.

So, after that I was just giddy with power. Suddenly I wanted to buy more stuff in that store! I needed a new electric fry pan, I ran to the frying pan section and found the perfect one. It was 49.99. Hmmmm.... now with my new sales skills and all, I wondered it I could get it cheaper. I had a 10.00 coupon for Canadian Tire in my purse, so I thought okay, this will make it 39.99, which is a reasonable price. I took it to the checkout and proceeded to pay for it, when the Cashier said, "do you want to check your Canadian Tire Points?" DO I!! Yeahhhh.. this was better than drugs!!! She put in my card, and I had 25.00 in Canadian Tire Points. So, this baby only cost me ...you do the math... but it was cheap!! I turned into Scrooge.

I went home and kicked Tiny Tim.

Well, it's time for me to start supper. Plow Boy is still on the home front, defending our country from snow. A man and his plow are not soon parted.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GOOD FRIENDS...I'm lifting my glass to you and yours!

Friday, December 29, 2006

I couldn't stay away! & the KFC was a hit!


I spent most of the day in bed, after taking a few Gravol pills. Those suckers knocked me on my ass! I think I should have only taken one. My tummy has been very upset for some days now, so I thought this would be the ticket. Finally, I am coming back to earth!! I still have no appetite whatsoever, so I guess I shouldn't be drinking wine. Well, I am. Why?..because I am feeling a little better.

No, the KFC didn't have anything to do with my malady. Call it stress, flu, whatever, that's where it lays.

All the Tiny Tim's went home on Boxing Day singing praises to KFC!! Yelling... "Auntie Balonie, this was the best Christmas ever"! Not to mention the 20.00 bucks I put in their envelopes..heh. When they get a little older I will spring for 25.00 bucks. I'm generous like that. And I think one of the little buggers was a little too generous with a bugaboo she had, and passed on as a Christmas present for me. Gimmee my twenty bucks back you little rugrat!!

Everyone liked the KFC. Even my Tante Tina, who said she was so glad she didn't have to eat Turkey again. Apparently, she, at the age of 90 has been galavanting around to 12 Christmas dinners, at different locations last week. "And all they have is turkey", she exclaimed! She was very grateful for the chicken and the 12 shots of "Old Baileys" she drank. When she left, she told me she had knit me a head warmer and a pair of socks, and it was under the tree. I looked for it the next day, and couldn't find it??? There was a cordless drill in a unmarked package, so maybe I will find me some yarn and drill a pair of socks with it. I don't know how to drill socks. But, if I had the Head Warmer, I could drill a hole in my head. Hmmmm, it seems I should probably have some soup or something, I'm getting a little ..how you say it...stupid.

We were supposed to go to my brothers tommorrow for the Kehler Christmas, but with all this dizzyness and lack of hunger, followed by the best fever ever, I had to decline. He and his wife were just in the middle of the cold and flu season too! She has a day care, and whatever the kids bring in...they get!! Damn kids!

Late this afternoon, I decided we needed some groceries in the house. Our cupboards were bare. I still had my bed-head on, I tried to comb it down but it just stuck up in very unusual ways. I thought of putting some water on it to calm down the peaks, but my hair hurt. So, I put on my parka, stuck the hood over my head and went shopping like that. I'm sure the cashier thought I had a gun. I looked like a gorilla. It's really hard shopping when you feel like puking on the produce. So, I concentrated on frozen food, cans of soup, dog food and anything that I couldn't smell. I was even thoughtful enough to buy a frozen dessert that was so bland, that in case I upchucked it, it would not make want to do it again.

So, how do you feel after reading this?

Actually, the tummy has calmed down. Wine is my friend. But, I will surely not take anymore of those hippy drugs like Gravol.

Gord just came home with ...Lobster tails for New Years Eve! I won't look at them or smell them till this passes ..hopefully I should be backatter by then.

On a sad note: My new cell phone has never rung. No ringy dingy for da balonie! My best guess is that no one knows my number, heh. Really, I am just using this phone on a "buddy system" from Gord's phone for emergency etc. But I wanted to be cool! I have all the features, and I have been experimenting...but I hope I wasn't charged with that call I made by mistake to Nigeria. I have to think..consequences..when I keep pushing the buttons.

Over and out... good buddies

Thursday, December 28, 2006

We are experiencing some sickness

Back to regular programming in the new year. Not to worry, it will pass.

Monday, December 25, 2006

1 more sleep till KFC day!



MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL..AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT.

It's been a week of ups and Downs and this and that but I finally finished off my Christmas shopping Christmas eve at 5:30 PM. Yup, right down to the wire.

We spent a very lazy day, just doing nothing. Gord never does 'nothing', but today I think he even enjoyed hanging around the house, having naps, playing with the dog, and watching "Orange County Choppers," unending Christmas edition. Hey, he likes it, so let him. I, however was doing this:



Gord got me a brand new Samsung SPH-a900 Cell phone. I HAVE A CELL PHONE!..Balonie has finally ventured into 2000. It has Internet access, email, voice mail, assmail, any kind of mail you want to send without a postman being present. It has a camera, which will come in handy for those unexpected pictures, you know the kind, when your friend goes to the can, and you pop that baby under the door and get a picture of her cootie. It doesn't get any better than that. Actually, my main aim is to use it at Safeway. I will saddle up to an annoying cell phone user in the store, who is calling to see if they need organic carrots. Then, I will call Gord, and very loudly ask, "are we out of condoms"!... "I'm in Safeway luv", doing some shopping, and you know, better safe than sorry." Then, wait for his reply, and be so amazed that he has heard of a new brand that was "organic." "It's made of carrots and lettuce with just a tad of organic Glad Wrap in it," "I will exclaim very loudly". Hey, I'm all for Glad Wrap..heh. It's pay back time. Every time someone is on the phone beside me, I will do them one better!! I might not phone Gord each time, because that could be annoying, but I think I will phone home and let my answering machine pick up my nuisance calls.

I also got and very nice bag for my Laptop. Gord had a bit of a time finding one big enough for a 17", but he managed.




I am so lucky. I got my toys and boy.




We spent a very relaxing evening in front of the fireplace, sipping some wine and rum, along with some Christmas goodies. Later I made deep fried shrimp, along with a beef and broccoli stir fry with rice. It was very good. And of course Maple Walnut Ice Cream for dessert.

I took Penny Loafer out for a walk this afternoon, because Christmas day is the only day of the year there are no other dogs out walking. So, that means no one gets hurt. I put on her little black coat, and her Santa Cap. HA..it was funny, all the people on the street were just laughing, she was soooo cute. She kept the hat on throughout the entire walk, I thought she was going to try to take it off, but, no...she was so excited about the walk she kept it on. But, by the time we got home, she was pissed off at it, and I couldn't get her to come back up the stairs to the family room.

Click to enbiggen...

"I hate you"




I'm not coming back up..I'm going to shrink into a tiny ball, unless you take this fucking crap off of me!




I told you, I'm not coming up!!



Geez, finally I had to go down and undress her. I bought her a new puppy bed for Christmas and she wouldn't use it all day, but now I see she is sprawled out on it.

So, tomorrow is "KFC" day here at Casa Martinque. I haven't done shit all day, so I'll have to get into family mode tomorrow. I hope they like dog hair in the mix, because my vac belt went "kaping" this afternoon.

I got all the appetizers etc. ready, and after that it's all up to Cornal Saunders.

Bring it on.

A scary picture of my tree, before I burnt the house down while we were have organic sex in front of the fireplace.



I hope everyone has the best Christmas, and I would like to thank you for commenting on my blog (and for some who have even given me a ring)and being such good friends. It means a lot to me.

And to Brian, who I really admire. Man, you are a good shit. Especially putting up with me. And that's as good as it gets with this cynical soul.

Merry Christmas...balonie..over and out.

Friday, December 22, 2006

The votes are in and so am I!

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Thank you all for voting, man you made my life so much easier, and took away some of the guilt. Just for that I'm gonna add some Macaroni Salad to the menu.

My niece phoned me today and I told her of my plans and she said her kid's would think I was the coolest and the oldest aunt they had. How can I argue with that, except ummm oldest..but oh well it comes with the territory. I was worried about Gord's old Tante who is around 90 who will be coming, you know, the piss tank! She said, tell her it's KFC Turkey. And if she doesn't approve..giver about 3 Baileys before supper, and it will all be good. Gawd, I will be Tante one day, I hope!
Except for the gambling trips on buses to the US, I draw the line on getting on a bus with raisins.

She is most wonderful person I have ever met, and she likes me, which is a bonus. My Tante Tina.

We closed up shop at 3:00PM, and boss man brought in Pizza, ribs,chicken wings, chips, huge platters of cheese and veggies, and beer for his men... and his one woman. I ate a bit, but was so pumped to get out of there and start my week off. So, I bade them farewell, so they could be just guys, and say "fuck" and stuff then tell lies to each other about the time they almost electrocuted themselves. That's what the tradesmen likes to do. I thought they deserved "shop talk time" without me getting in the way. Lord, if they only knew me!!

Well, it's off to start the fire in the fireplace..were you thinking I might do it somewhere else? With me ...you never know.

I still have my Polar Bear blow up doll, I lost the reciept and I can't bring it back to stupid store, so tomorrow I'm hanging his ass from a tree in the front yard, it should bring some class to our neighbourhood. It sorely needs someone taking it up a notch on the ole cul de sac. It looks like ole fartsville.

I've got the spirit back, and that could be a dangerous thing..heh

You know who's back..balonie for the holidays..

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Pittery Patter Let's Get Atter!!




I finally got the spirit today, not into the spirits you (*&^^%$%%! However, speaking about spirits, I got my batch on wine done, and I have to say it is excellent. The last batch had a peculiar taste, much like old socks. So, I had to either drink it or dump it, I did a little of both. God, it was gross. This tastes nice and light and barely has any alcohol in it. Just enough for a light buzz. I like to experiment with the wine making, and I'm finding that the more water I put in it, the better it is. Sometimes the kit put's a little too much concentrate juice in it. I love the taste, but sometimes the quality is somewhat off.

Every batch is another experiment..and a chance to do something different.

I can't wait for for a week off. YOU have no idea how much I need this break. I have to make the family Christmas dinner on boxing day, but I have pretty well got that under control. "KFC"..just kidding fortheloveofadrumstick...but it was on my radar...and it might just surface again before the day approches. I haven't gone shopping yet.

hmmm order in?...chicken, chicken fingers, gravy, taters, cranberry dressing, coleslaw, and rolls, no fuss no muss. Paper plates, plastic forks, knives,napkins, all in one big fucking paper bag. Now, why would I slave away in the kitchen all day? I have never ever had boxing day to myself, I am always stressing out about the supper.

What do you think? Gord's family is pretty easy going..

So, don't just side with me because I am lazy, do I keep up the homemade turkey dinner tradition, or do I make some new memories? All the little kid's will probably remember me as Auntie Balonie the KFC Chicken Shit. But, I think I can live with that.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

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Isn't this beautiful, it's one of my favourite Christmas graphics?

Trust me I have about 1,000 more but I won't bore you with all of them.

They don't fit in my sidebar, so instead of driving myself "batshit" trying to fit them in I will just make em me headers...

Time for this ole broad to get something to eat..and head off to bed.

I just saw that the time on my blog was 6:32 PM...well, that is wrong, it's 8:32 PM..so don't trust my time machine.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Taking my mind off of things...


And how do I do that most effectively? A NEW TEMPLATE!. Surprise. I hope everyone had a nibble of that chocolate. Now on to a brighter and very large font template. Better to see me with then .. heh. I had a hard time with this bugger, the html was so evasive in the coding I couldn't figure out where in the hell to put my stuff on the side bar. I will finish it off tomorrow. I know, the template was free, but why oh why do they centre all everything? I like my lists to be aligned to the left, not centered, it looks stupid. Got any ideas how I can recode that?

I love reworking a template, and spent all afternoon trying to find the perfect one, but by that time it was almost 4:00 PM.. and I hadda hustle. I will pop it up a notch or two when I get time.

Gord just got home. He had his tests done today, except for one. He has to take a popsicle stick and and smear his own shit on it, and put it in a bag. A sealed bag, thank god. But, as fate would have it, he can't do it tonight, because we are having fish. He has to eat chicken, turkey or tuna before doing the dirty deed. Plus some veggies, that are not on my menu tonight. I will try to comply with the menu tomorrow. And I want to take pictures of him smearing the popcicle sticks with his own shit, and putting them in the bag provided without getting anything on him.

After we talked about it for awhile, we decided to put a smear of Penny's shit on it. And see if they know the difference.

Sometimes, a laugh takes away the "whatever."
PS: Much later in the evening:

I noticed that blogger just upgraded everything and finished the beta version...very cool. It's fast and really great. You can keep your old template, so don't worry like I did to start off with. When they ask you to choose a template you can do that, but later you can "choose to revert back to your old one". Let me know if you want to know how to do it, but it's very easy. If you keep your old html template, you will not get some of the features that they have, but the only one I liked was being able to to insert pictures in your sidebar without any hassle. The rest of it seems to work fine with a template not made by blogger. And if you have a blogger template, it's great, you will have it all, but you will be asked to choose from a new list. They are all pretty much the same old stuff. You would have thought they would have been a little more creative...but...

Monday, December 18, 2006

This and that..mostly that.



Counting down the days till ole Saint Nick comes a knocking at my door. I still have a lot of prezzies to wrap, but I bought the most beautiful bags that were ever born to house them in. So, no wrapping will I do, I will just stuff em in the bag and crunch up some fancy cellophane (colour co-oridanted)mind you...and have my "happening experience." Man, those bags are pretty, but unfortunately not all the gifts will fit in them, so I will have to wrap a few and do some creative stuff.

Gord hasn't been feeling well these last few weeks and went to the doc today, and tomorrow he will have some blood tests. He has been very tired, but of course he burns the candle at both ends most days, and he feels a little light headed when he does the Hammil Camel. So, of course with Christmas coming up we will have to go through the holidays without a diagnosis. Nothing says Christmas more than waiting for results! I know I am a worrier. I worry and I worry and then I worry somemore. Most people won't even tell me when they have a headache, because I will have booked them in for a catscan before they finished their sentence.

I am my mother.

Who, I said I would never be, except for the good stuff?

I have have already been on the internet and know what he has. Diabetes. But because I am such an asshole, I have not written off a brain tumour, second hand smoke, Lupis, Altzheimers and any form of cancer I have ever heard about.

I could be wrong about it all of this, but why not stress during the holidays, when the stressing is good!

Balonie...

Friday, December 15, 2006

The Christmas Party


Dud. Thump. Waitaminute..fortheloveofaCD, my CD drive wants to blow the top off my computer! Apparently it is not used to playing Christmas music with the cheapest CD invented. Sounds like an Hutterite tractor.

Our Christmas party was held in the most beautiful setting you could imagine. It was a golf and Country Club way out in the woods. Which was only 1 mile from my house. But it's proximity on the river made it feel, "way out in the woods." The building is a huge "A" frame cedar structure, with balconies all around it with soft Christmas lights glowing. When you came in from the parking lot, there was a long narrow cobble stone walkway, with evergreens and wind chimes softly tinkling in night air. It was magical. And they were even thoughtful enough to salt the cobble stones, so Plow boy and me would have to conk our noggins in the cement.

The Christmas picture I used on top is not of the club, but it's pretty close.

The food was good, (fantastic mushroom meatballs to die for.
I got a bonus..$100.00 smackaroo's I can use anyway I please! I would dearly like to go to one of those spa places and get a massage and get old skin ripped off my body. But, I think it's pretty pricey. I will look into it this year. First I have to get new underpants and bra's so I don't look like a street person.

I finished my Christmas shopping yesterday by jove. And I have to admit, I did not put as much thought into some of them, because it's impossible. But I took as much consideration as I knew how. The kids are at all different ages ranging from 1-25, and I have 7 of them to buy for. The youngest are easy, but as they get from 13-25 plaeese, I don't know what they are into anymore. Two of Gord's niece's are 10 & 13 and I made them a photo album with all the pictures of them and their cousins in it. I spent the whole day printing it all out. I love doing that. Then I included a Christmas CD and also a CD of the pictures.

I had a really hard time getting the ole "plow boy" something. I scored a few things at Canadian Tire yesterday. You all know he drives the big "honking van" now, and it's always difficult to see who is behind you, because you are driving a van than is bigger than God. So, I thought God wouldn't mind it I bought him a camera that attaches to the back of the van, with a display unit that attaches to the dashboard, so he can see the cops when he is speeding. oops.. I meant to say, he can see traffic, when needed. Slip of the tongue. It's probably a piece of junk, for $150.00 bucks, but he will tell me if he thinks it is crap. And back she goes to Canadian Tire heaven.

I had to laugh when I approached the chubby Canadian Tire Associate ..heh.. about this gizmo. He looked like Meatloaf!! I know Meatloaf would not wear a red shirt with his name on it, but gawwd he was the spitting image. I wanted to take him aside and sing "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights", really loud! When he was explaining the in's and out's of this camera, I couldn't even think. Every time I looked at him, I heard Paradise by the Dash Board Lights going through my brain! I couldn't shake it. Finally after I gained my composure, without laughing and thinking Meat Loaf..he took my purchase to the cashier, but not without me having one final thought,

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Paradise by the dashboard lights.

But not with the Associate, mind you..it was all in my head.

I know this is somewhat of a long post, but I have so much to say.

Did you know, that your astrological sign signals whether you are a good driver or a bad driver? Nope, neither did I until I read it in the newspaper. I am a Libra, and apparently, I am your worst nightmare. I am the one with "balance and harmony" on my side, but as a motorist I loose all sight of that at rush hour as there is no balance or harmony going on. Apparently snap decision are to be made at that time, and Libra's are NO GOOD at that!..says my newspaper, arseholes...So, then when all my balance and harmony go south, and I loose my shit, do I become an Aquarius and just what to RAM someone?

Well, there ya go, from Parties, Crokinole, Meat Loaf, or ramming or "whatever ales ya!"

Balonie..over and out!! Peace out...because I am so full of balance and harmony.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Little ole wine maker me!




Pray for me. ahh they are so cute, I love those little angels.


I got me two batches of my Christmas wine brewing in the basement of my "speakeasy."

Today was day 8, and (my boy's) had to be transferred from the pail to the carboy (large glass container.) This is my special Christmas batch, and I felt something special needed to happen, so I named them. Normally it's batch 1 and batch 2, but in the spirit of the season, I have renamed them. It's a German Reisling, so I thought it would only be appropriate to include their heritage in the naming. Batch 1, is now "Long John Schlong" and batch 2 is "Heinekin Schweinekin." I'm thinking "Heinekin Schweinekin" will be my favorite, because "Long John Schlong" looked a little cloudy. And he came up a little short..heh. Can't trust those German wines. They have another process to go through, but I think I can get them ready for Kris Kringle.

If you are ever in the neighbourhood, just pop in for a drink or two. But, there is a secret code, after all this is a "speakeasy" and we don't want no cops busting up my operation. Knock first!!

This batch will be a little young, as I am only giving them about two weeks to reach maturity, I may have to use dusty bottles to fool my guests. As for me, I don't give a crap. Wine is whine.

Monday, December 11, 2006

On to better things.



I was trying to download some Christmas music yesterday, and found this song.."I farted on Santa's lap," along with a whole bunch of old Perry Como and Bing Crosby tunes. I tried to burn them, but it seems Perry and Bing wanted no part of the guy who sang "I farted on Santa's lap," and I couldn't burn the sucker. They must have the "rights" to this song in heaven??

I really want to hear that song! So, I am going to go back and try to do it again, but without Perry and Bing. Bastards!

I downloaded another nice song though, by Sarah McLachlan ..."Wintersong"..it's beautiful. But I love my old standby's and unfortunately they are all on vinyl, and I will have to drag my record player out of the basement. Nothing wrong with playing the Chipmunks at Christmas, it's a tradition! Alvin!!

You see now? I'm getting out of my slump, if I am getting ready to hear Alvin and the chipmunks I must have my balonie head back on. Back to normal programming.

I still don't have spell check..so forgive what I don't see.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I lost my shit


It's been a long, long weekend. I lost my shit. I did.

On Saturday afternoon I went downstairs to collect all the decorations for our tree. I put the tree and lights up last weekend, but ran out of time to decorate. I keep the decorations in a third bedroom closet that we don't use on a regular basis. I opened the closet doors, which have been closed for almost a year, and nearly fainted with the adour. It wasn't obnoxious, but as a result I felt in an odd stimulation which would result in tears. I should mention, I have all my mother's memorabilia stored there. I could smell my mother. It hit me hard. I don't why it happened this year in particular, because her stuff has always been in that closet. I knew I was feeling a little fragile about this Christmas, and fussing about finding time to get everything done, but I never ever expected my reaction. It was like, I finally got it. She was gone. Christmas would be different. I know I always go into a state of denial when the tough times roll around, and put on my "everything is fine face."

Normally I am quite content to stay in that place, but on Saturday, I had to face it. I spent most of the afternoon in tears, trying to decorate my Christmas tree. I even got poor Penny upset, and she had to come over to the Christmas tree where I was sitting and lick off a few tears. She knew I was upset, and I had to smile at her between my melt downs.

I think I got it now. I have to put all that stuff away..or give it away. It's not helping me move on. It's been 7 years...for God's sake, and I don't usually dwell on it..why now?

Gord and I talked last night, and I tried to explain to him how I felt. His family always comes here for Christmas and I love it, but I don't see much of mine. It seems that once my parents were gone, my brother has forgot about me. I try to stay in touch, but not with much luck. If I don't call, nothing happens.

So, this morning when I woke up, I lay there going over Saturdays melt down, and decided to change of few things. I have come to realize there is no perfect Christmas, as much as my mother wanted one. She always tried to cover up the imperfections for me and my brother. I know my dad always got drunk on Christmas eve with his buddies in the beer parlour, while we waiting for him to come home. She went to great lengths to turn that around, and filled our heads with promises of Santa's big treats the next morning. My dad was not big drinker, but in those days, the men did the men stuff, especially at Christmas and had their party at the "shop" etc. that night. I always bragged to my friends and cousins, that my mom and dad never ever had a fight in there life!...I am sure I was wrong, because she made sure it was kept from our ears. I have to see that they weren't perfect. That is hard.

I have to step back and realize they were people just like Gord and I, who have our differences and our fights, and they were not gods.

So, I have to get that "perfect" Christmas out of my head.

Just a Christmas memory...........

I will never forget ... one day when we were just little rugrats, dad had the ladder propped up to the attic of the house. We asked him why it was there. He said so Santa could get into the attic, and put the presents down our Chimney with care...ummmm ..it led to our oil furnace...what was my first clue? Anyway, the next day there was a whole bunch of wood shavings from the attic in the snow. Mom came out and told us Santa had been there the day before and left us a early present!!! "yay" for us... And in the snow we found two huge beautiful "It was the Night Before Christmas" books. They were embossed in velvet and gold. I don't think I have ever "not" believed in Santa since then.

After taking sometime to refect over my melt down, I had to step back and accept those around me for who they are. I am far from perfect, and that is what I have always thought I should be, to myself and those around me. I have to realize that my loved ones mean well, and if they don't carry through my expectations, I have to give them a break and examine my own motives.

After all Christmas time is a time to celebrate family. I will try. No more tears.


Pretty heavy stuff huh?? He ain't heavy...he's my brother!!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Cockeyed template

Now that I have put someting in the sidebar the template looks a little cockeyed. Cockeyed, hey, I like that word. I probably haven't used it in a cock's age. Opp's I probably have, because I live with Plow Boy.

Back up the truck, Jake...I didn't say he was Cockeyed, but I have used other terms to express my distain when he comes up with yet another cockeyed idea that will slow up the process of my retirement plans and I get a little cockeyed meself, I say:

..Are you twisted to one side?
..Are you askew, awry, lopsided, or wonky?
..Are you inviting my ridicule?
..Are you besotted?
..Are you absurd, ludicrous, preposterous, or just plain ole ..don't get it!

Then he looks up at me, lovingly, and says..huh? Were you talking to me? Who could resist gazing into those beautiful blue eyes, and not giving him a sucker punch!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Chocolates for everyone...help yourself




I just found this template, and thought it was ...well chocolatie...and played with it, changing stuff. That's half the fun. Boss was out of the office today and didn't have much to to do. The guy who did it was very generous with his codes and made it so easy to do. Unfortunatley, he didn't have the grasp of the english language, and when the time was to type in "sidebar" on the template"..it was in his native language...but I soon figured that out.

I wrote a huge ... huge blog tonight and the Gestapo told me I was out of order, and refused it. Shut me down, totally. They didn't like my chocolate landscape. MF's. That's what you get when you are between heaven and hell. Beta will be fine, once I get the hang of it, but they will never tell me when I can or cannot change my template, I will go to wordpress and forgitaboutit I'm not going to go over all the stuff I stressed about in the blog I lost, and of course now that I think about it, it was trival, but it seemed really important as I was clicking my keys.

Und efs you kan can see vats I rote, gut fer yew. Ef knot, youse geys tell dem blagger geys at yehoo dat balongie is peed oft.

Hello is this thing working

hey balonie...are you awake?

Monday, December 04, 2006

I didn't win a prize..pout

To start off the season, I once more present to you for your viewing pleasure...Angelman!
I'm sorry, I just can't enough of him. I think it's the feathers. or something.




I feel like balonie today.. every now and again she raises her ugly head. She makes me lie.


Well, it wasn't really about the prizes was it? It was about ... now that I think about it...what the hell was that all about? I did not improve my writing skills, I just wrote more of the same crap I always do. If fact, I think I improved on crappy writing. It was so full of shit by the time I finished, it wouldn't flush.

I don't want a prize. I don't deserve a prize. But, you know...way way back in my mind..I thought perhaps she would pull my name out the "randomizer"...just maybe, so I hit her (Fussy's) site 98765 times today. Now she will think I am a stalker. I also put my blog entry for "best dog story"...I wasn't picked. Bummer. And then she posted all those who had entered and gave them the "hey"...but she forgotted me. Folks, I am having me a bloggers butt-kick! I should have never changed the colour of my font to green, because I'm thinking it's making people sick. Nothing to do with the content mind you.

We had the biggest, fullest full moon today I have ever seen! It was very cold, and when it came up it was a crispy blue colour. I wish I would have had my camera in the truck coming home.

My truck, she is broke, I have no blinkers and no brake lights.... this, during the one of the most icy days on the road! On the way to work today I was doing hand signals from my window. I was signalling, but I forgot which was left or right...so I just put my hand out the window...waved it frantically, hoping someone would realize I was turning LEFT. I'm surprised they didn't call 911 and think I was in trouble.

Today blogger gave me back my spell check and all the rest of the stuff. Maybe I paid my bill?

I'm off to take the green from my font. Because I am sure that is why I lost.

Balonie is the liar in the family. I hate her. But she speaks the truth. She is green. I will put an end to that.

Monday night supper:

Lazy man's cabbage rolls.....fight me for it!!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

A day in the life.

It seems like I haven't posted..forever!!

The day started off lazy like. The weatherman, he said -24C,..case closed. I wasn't moving an inch. Of course it was laundry day, I had to get that all started, then my list started to grow out of proportion:
..Put Christmas tree up
..Decorate the premises
..Clean up the mess (I didn't) my downstairs is full of crap. Leave it until next weekend.
..Clean fish tank (with only 1 remaining fish)
..Bring up laundry and fold...and my GDamn jeans were wrinkled again!!
..Iron same
..Sew on missing buttons from Plow Boy's pants and shirts
..Water the poor plants. Well only those that were hanging their heads.
..Spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out how to set up the tree, and change the living room around to accomodate the sucker.
..Dead flies and cobweb removed from behind the couch. How did I miss that?
..Start supper (Sweet and Sour baby back ribs) yummm..it smells delicious..
..Try to play with Penny indoors, she does not understand she cannot go out in this weather. Nor will I. Let's just call her Grumpy ASS. She has no idea how to amuse herself.

So, here it is...getting late again, and Monday on the horizon.

I will leave you with a few pic's I took of Penny on Friday. I took in my bird bath fountain from the deck this fall and placed it beside a tropical plant in the house. It always gets so dry in here in winter I thought if would give up some added humidity. It's working great and I love to hear the trickling water. I working on a idea how to incorporate this into a Christmas theme. But water? nope I need me some ice. I'm still thinking.

So, on Friday I cranked her up, and did what I did in summer, I threw her ball in it. HAA It makes her crazy. She's doing some "sit pretties" in order to rescue him.

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What is her problem? I think it might be a height issue. She loves it.

Right now, I have lost all my options in blogger, for spell check etc. only because I am using my old template and I am half way between heaven and hell. They want me go to all the way!! Fuck that, I'm keeping my Santa template up until after Christmas. Eventually I know they will get me..until then sorry for the typo's.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Horehounds..what a way to end the month of NaBloPoMo

Have you ever heard of them? My blog friend Ellen has some. I'm not sure if they are candy or just some horny hounds. Okay, I just googled it.. it's candy alright. I didn't think Ellen would be harboring unseemly horemongers. She's not that kinda chick.

"Hard as a rock - texture like a rock. A candy you will absolutely love if you like this flavor". The picture was unclear and I wonder what the flavour is? Hore? or Hound? Her husband Curtis, (as she refers to as her Hillbilly husband)was the one who ordered them online from the USA because ... obviously you can't get horehounds in Canada, we have rules. In America anything goes!! Curtis, enjoy yer Horehounds and maybe if you ever hook up with Gord again, he could use some, let me tell ya.

It's been a crazy month, but I am so glad I participated in it. I actually signed up for something and carried it through. Something I never ever do. Normally I would loose interest half way down the road and say fuck it.

I will go on Mrs. Kennedy's site tomorrow and kiss her bony little ass and let her know she inspired me to write a blog every day for 30 days, even though I know her slogan is "writing well is the best revenge." I didn't manage the "writing well" part but I kicked ass on the NaBloPoMo challenge. I finally followed through on something. I get a gold star and I want a prize!


Okay for all you rookies these are the the answers from last night: thanks for guessing!

"I know nothing!" - Sgt Schultz - Hogan's Heros

"Say goodnite Gracie" - George Burns

"We are two and wild crazy guys" - Steve Martin

"You've got spunk" - Lou Grant - Mary Tyler Moore show

"Schwing" - Wayne and Garth - SNL

"This is the city" - Sgt. Joe Friday - Dragnet.

Pat yerselves on the back if you got it right.


Here are somemore to ponder:

Well, isn't that special?

Who loves you baby?

You Rang?

Sock it to me.

We've got a really big show.

No soup for you.

Mom always like you best.

I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl

Gee, Mrs. Cleaver

Book em Danno

God'll get you for that.

"Jane you ignorant slut"

"Just one more thing"

"yeah, that's the ticket"

If you need any hints just email me and I will try to help.

balonie..over and out..........NaBloPoMo kiss my butt I'm done.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

One more day..

And I'm sort of getting the hang of posting every night. It's not that bad unless you are on the other end of the crap. I am a creature of habit, and once I have a habit, it's a lifelong committement. God forbid, I have habitchulized myself again. I made up that word. There are so many things I do out of habit, I don't even realize I am habitized until, I nerviously keep checking my watch for whatever habit needs attending. If I get an hour behind the task I have complete, I get a little cranky.

Like today... I had to go the bank at 4:45 PM to sign my life away..oops I meant to say.. sign some papers. Well, at 4:45 PM I should be in Safeway buying something for supper, because I am not well organized and don't make big shopping trips during the weekend. The thief, geez..(I meant the Bank Manager) took waaaaaaay too long to explain why I needed to sign on the dotted lines. My mind was racing...it was already 4:55 PM and the reason I was there was to sign my name on ONE document and get the hell out of there. I never heard a word she said. Finally she asked me if was in a hurry. What was her first clue? I never sat down, (was it my body language?) .. or the way I kept waving my watch in her face and yelling, "the people at Safeway will be wondering where I am bitch"...let's get on with this."

I signed this, I signed that, and by the time it was almost over with only one more paper to sign, it was 5:10 PM. Gawd!! I was way off my schedule!! THEN, get this, Gord asked a question. The fucking nerve! I thought we were just signing pieces of paper, without asking any questions because we think we know what we are doing. I gave him a look that would have made a semi trailer driver swerve into on coming traffic! Unfortantely for me, he is used to these piercing ugly looks I throw his way, and paid me no mind.

Then he and the manager go into a million logistics why and what and how! So, I picked up my purse and told the both of them, if my signature was not required today, I was out of there. They both stopped talking. Gord starting backing off of his soapbox, and the manager hers. It was very quite. I signed, Gord signed... and I was out of there at 5:35 PM. Nothing could be done without my signature, so why not have a sweet little power trip. And it worked. I was at Safeway at 5:40PM. It is just down the street.

I only got home around 6:00 PM, but that was okay because I was only making soup and sammiches, and Penny's play time was cut off because it was too cold out there for her hoofies. Essentially I made up for all the lost time when I got home. So, I think I am back on schedule. Phewwwww.. It's hard being so anal. I have a big bum hole.

However, I can be spontainious. But make it on a weekend. During the week? yeah, I'm anal as hell. Seriously, I never used to be, but when you get older (yeah I know) and still have to work the hours you did when you were young it's easier with a schedule. Even when I was in my 50's I never had the analnis factor..made that word up too..I'm guessing as you grow older, you need more stability in your life, something you can count on. I used to laugh at my parents who HAD to eat at noon, and have supper at 6:00, and watch Johnny Carson at 10:30. I'm getting there, except for the supper part, we never have supper until 8:00 PM. or later. And that is just only because Gord has always has worked late because he has his own business. That doesn't bother me at all I am so used to it, eating at 6:00 would seem so strange. Habits...like I said.

I was reading the paper today and saw TV Lands 100 best catchphrases.

How about I put a few of them on every time I post and you guess who said it?

I will end my post with it. Some are very obvious, and others, not so.

Guess where these came from:

"I know nothing!"

"Say goodnite Gracie"

"We are two and wild crazy guys"

"You've got spunk"

"Schwing"

"This is the city"

Okay... enough

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Snow



It's been a snowy day here in Manitoba.

Penny has been flying in the snow like the wind. When I throw the ball from the deck into the back yard she loves it, especially when it disappears in the snow, and she has to find it. We did this 5765 times and she always brings it back up to the patio door. All this, while I am making supper. Make supper, throw the ball, make supper, throw the ball. Then when the official playtime is scheduled, I put on my big snow boots, my parka, my mitts, my bottle of 90 proof rum, and stumble into the back 40. I threw the ball, taking great care not to spill the rum. She won't play with me?First, she chased a wabbit who was hidding behind our shed..holy cow she can move..but the wabbit was faster than she was. They ran in so many circles I got dizzy. It was so awesome. The rabbit was clearly the winner. After that it was all downhill, her little hoofers were so cold she could hardly move, and she wanted back in. After I let her in, I got some carrots out of the fridge and put them behind the shed...just in case the wabbit comes back, it would have a snack, if for nothing more than entertaining me and my dog.

We didn't have as much snow as expected, so it won't really be a hardship. But Plow Boy is gearing up. Get ready. Because it ain't gonna be pretty.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Just what in the hell is wrong with me?

I had my REAL Christmas template all picked out. Today, when I was going to start working on it, and tweakin it a bit, I couldn't download it! FortheloveofGIjoe. I went to the website and the guy has exceeded his bandwidth. Fart. How dare he? It's almost Christmas man!! I'd like to give him a "boot to the ass" whether he needs it or not, and then hit him with a stick. Maybe I should offer up some cash, but I'm not that desperate. I have a little homemade template in the works, that looks verrry third grade. I need new crayons.

I bought a "blow up Polar Bear" on Saturday. No, I wasn't planning of doing him, I just wanted him for my annual Christmas display on my back deck. (but he could come in handy later). Shit, he was 4 feet tall and had nice cuddly lap. These guys come with a fan to blow them up along with stakes and tethers to hold them down in the snow. Well, my polar bear must have been a "free range" polar bear fresh out of Churchill...he came without any holding down materials.

I took him out on the deck, and tried to sort him out. I noticed the heavy fan part was right on his ass part along with the longest white penis I have ever seen diguised as what would seem to be a cord. I unravilled his peni.. and plugged him in. Fortheloveofgod!! He blew up like a balloon. He startled me. And the dog. And then he started to fly away. Apparently he needed to be tethered. There was not anytime for bonding with (Ed and I) the name I gave him when he was still in the box, and when the wind picked up...so did Ed. But, the good thing was his pee pee was still plugged in. So, I did not loose Ed. Nope. He was trying to do some lift off's, so I starting punching him down..it was just me and the Polar Bear, face to face, woman to bear, I was ...well..bear wrestling. Then I wrastled him to the ground, and gave him the the heimlich manoeuvre and I broke him. Popped his guts. I won.

I'm taking him back to Superstore tomorrow. I hope they can replace him with a bear that has some guts!..and a tether. And his name is Ed. I'm so sorry I had to kill him. But you know how it is out in the wild...kill or be killed. It was dirty job, but I got it done. Man against beast. I am one one brave girl. If I don't win any prizes for blogging every stinking day, I want a prize for bear wrastling. It's not negoiable.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

No mo snow...no mo..no mo.

I deleted the snowflakes because they were abotherin' some computers. So, now you can read my shit without a phoney piece of crap falling in on your eyeballs. I haven't finished editing my REAL Christmas blog yet, so be prepared girl scouts!

It's just been a lazy day here at the ranch. It's been snowing off and on all day. I took Penny for a walk this afternoon, without any consequences. Usually she tries to nab a jogger, or nip at an old lady, but today she only tried to rip the leg off a kid. So, things have improved. One step at a time I say. If I can only get her to stop biting the tires of wheel chairs then my job will be done. Any moving object is fair game.

Sunday night supper: borrrrrrrrring

Roasted Yellow chicken (corn fed) as I have been informed
Roasted taters
Carrots
Gravy of course
Dessert: Maple Walnut Ice-cream...yessssssssss

I really have to get my ass going on making some better meals. Guess what I'm making for tomorrow? Chicken sandwiches! And if there is anything left over on Tuesday, I will make Chicken stir fry...and if there is anything left of Wednesday, which probably won't happen ... I will make chickenless spagetti. There ya go. Cuisine for the rich and famous. For some reason I have lost all interest in cooking. Maybe, just maybe, because I have been doing it for 40 fricking years and I'm just sick and tired of it all. I have get my mo jo back. It's seems like I am in a slump. I really would love to make some good old mennonite meals, but most of them are taboo these days with the high fat content. I need me some verenki...

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Damn it was close

I almost forgot to post, because I was watching a very interesting CBC documentary. CBC always does that shit the best.

I'm eating a bowl of Maple Walnut Ice-cream!!... I know it's old fart ice-cream, but I love it.

FORTHELOVEOFGOD...I don't have anything else Mrs. Kennedy, look at the drivel you made me post.. and yes I farted two minutes ago, my husband is
snoring so loud I could just take a towel, and put it over his face. So, is this where it's all going? Murder, mayhem all in the name of no ho month.

Friday, November 24, 2006

The fish is in the freezer

Well, I couldn't stand it anymore, the little guy had to meet his maker. If you have ever had a fish tank, you will know that only the strong survive, and they will harrass those that are weak. That happens with humans too. Today, I saw the other fish in the tank constantly picking on him, when he could barely move. It was time for him to go to the freezer. He was in bad shape, and now he will just slowly levitate in a state of freezingness. I got one more fish to go, and that will be it! I will not go to Petland tomorrow and buy him a friend. Come on people..."SAY IT WITH ME"...I WILL NOT GET ANOTHER FISH!!

... he's looking mighty lonely in there all by himself, but then, if he has any fish sense he will know .... more food for me!!

It was certainly easier saying goodbye to this guy than the last two fish that had grown to such mammoth proportions, and could have easily been a nice snack. This guy was only a sardine. But he was my sardine...and I loved him...buh bye little guy..see ya at rainbow bridge. You will know me, I always wear sweat pants and a sweatshirt with a hoodie. I should really get my list together to make sure I can pick all of them up on my way out.

These are the guys I have to pick up: (since 1951) Skipper, Meatzie, Greyone, Sadie, Blacky, Puss, Snowball, Meizermeats, Pywacket, Flower, Pecker, Angel, Munchie, Wiggles, Big one 1, Big one 11, and Sardine. A menagerie of dogs, cats, birds and fish. They all hold a special place in my heart. I will take care of little sardine until he decides to go belly up, but then I will take the tank down. They all lived a very good life, and I was so happy to have them in mine.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Drinking on a budget

Last weekend when I was on holidays I decided to clean out some of the cluttered places of our happy home. The liquor cabinet came to mind. Why? Because there was no.more.room. What you say!!! No more room in the Inn for spirits? How could that happen? I'm here to tell you there are way to many "well meaning" people in this world that want to get you plastered.

I always host the family Christmas parties, so the "well meaners" as I call them bring some spirits to our home as a hostess gift or such. Most have been aging in our liqour cabinet for about 20 years now, and I had to make a move before someone lit a match and we all blew to hell.

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Tequila? Do I look Mexican? Why would you bring me a bottle of Mexican hootch? Okay, I know, you are the rich relatives that just got back from Puerta somewhere. Thanks, but Gord likes lite beer, and I like vats of homemade wine.

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Ozzo disguised as a Mandolin. Somebody just back from Greece!! Caught you! It must have cost 2 bucks at duty free.

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Now, this is cute. Thanks relative! It's nice champagne fit only for the rich and famous. So, we are keeping it until one of them shows up.

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Jamacia mon!! How thoughtful. You could have asked us to join you on your holiday. Now you want us to drink this man. I can't drink anything in a container that looks like he would die after I finished the bottle. No, it just doesn't seem right.

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Grain Alcohol, more deadly than Bin Laden. We have had this bottle of Everclear in our liqour cabinet for 25 years. As a reminder of what not to do when you are young. You don't want to know...but after two drinks "Bob will more than your uncle." Just kidding, I don't know how we ever got this bottle, but I do remember drinking it when I was just a pup..and talking to the big white phone...never again..Gord was probably trying to get into my pants and he got puked upon.. Lesson learned.

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Peach schnapps..harmless, but whoever brought this.. come back and drink it. Maybe I could use it in a recipe. It might be good in a chicken recipe...

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Now this was a present from our old auntie Tina..(91 years old) how can you loose with a bottle of Communion wine. I remember that Christmas, and she was in great form, I'm surprised after a few "Baileys," she didn't baptize someone. I just love my (Gord's) auntie Tina. She is such a hoot. I hope I can be like her, should I live that long.

So, anyone wanna come over for a drink? We have a lot of stuff to get rid of.

We will save it for you...

If not I'm thinking of holding a garage liquor sale...1/2 off the normal price which was nothing...so we will owe them.

Hey, I never realized how many Americans like pie, until I read all the blogs today. Ya'll must have some big ole pie holes...

I love pie.

Peace Pilgrims.............

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

One of my first blogs I did in 2005


Hi, my name is Penny!



I am so happy Joan asked me to fill in for her today. Usually I just watch her blog, but today I'm in the "hot seat."Joan and I met 5 years ago. I was living on the other side of town, with a older lady who took me in after my parents got divorced. She was a very nice person to take me in on such short notice. I loved her grandchildren, we had so much fun together. I was much younger than her, and was full of energy. I was always bugging her to do things with me, but she didn't have the energy to keep up with me. One day, she phoned her son and asked him to come over, she had a decision to make. She asked me to leave the room and closed the door. I heard them talking for a long time, and then they made a few phone calls. After about an hour, they opened the door and called me into the kitchen. I came into the room, not knowing what to expect, and everyone seemed so sad. She came over and gave me a kiss, and said I would have to go with her son to meet some people. Her son was parked outside in the driveway waiting for me while she packed up a few things for me to take on my trip. Before I got into the car, she gave me a big hug, and said she would see me later.


We drove for about 15 minutes, and pulled into the mall. It was very crowded. He said, we would have to go in for awhile to see some people. I was happy enough to do that, because I had been at this particular mall once before and made some good friends at the store we were going to.Once inside, we met a lady, who "the son" had called on the phone. She looked at me, and said she was very glad to meet me, and would we follow her into her office. Once inside, she asked "the son" to sit down, because she had some forms he had to fill out. She asked him a bunch of questions, which he answered while he was filling out the papers. When he was finished, he called me over and told me that I would be staying here until someone younger than his mother could take care of me. He kissed my nose, shook my paw...and left.


I was confused, where was he going? He left me here all alone with a stranger. The lady was very nice to me, she patted my head and told me not to worry, someone would soon come along and adopt me. I had been to Pet Land many times before, and it was the best place in the world, I would get to meet all the dogs in the store, and get a treat before going home.


This time, however, it was different. She took my leash and guided me to my barren kennel. I was told to "stay" there and wait for someone to bring in my belongings and give me fresh water and some food. I began to shiver, this was getting scary.


The kennel had a glass window in front of it and I could see all the people in the store looking at me. I started to cry. In a few minutes another lady came in with my toys and food and water. She tried to get me to play with my toys, but my heart was not in it. All I wanted to do, was to go home! Eventually she left me there alone.


It was so loud in there, dogs were barking in the kennel beside me, birds were chirping, people were laughing and talking loud. I moved to the furthest corner, put my paws over my ears and tried to make it all go away. After an hour or so, the lady came back in my kennel and put my leash back on..YES..."the son" must have come back for me!! Not so. She led me to a veterinary office attached to the building. Here she had a chat with the receptionist, and then I was led into a little room with a table it it. The lady stayed with me while we were waiting for something to happen.


Soon a man came in with a white coat and a big smile. Sooo, he said, this must be Penny. I loved him right away, he tickled my ears, and patted my head in a good way. After a few minutes, he picked me up and put me on the table. He asked the lady a few questions, and then he poked and prodded me for a few minutes, but I didn't mind, because he was paying a lot of attention to me. After, he had finished looking me over, and decided that I might need a needle when looking over my chart. He turned me around and whispered in my ear...don't be afraid...and stuck the needle in my rear end. It didn't really hurt, just startled me for a minute. After that was over, he told the lady that I was ....good to go.The lady led me back out of the office, and back into the kennel. Once again I was left alone with all the noise and people gawking at me through the window. I started to cry again, but this time nobody came. So, I just curled up and tried to shut it out.


Finally all the people went home, and all the lights went out. It got a little quieter, I could still hear dogs growling, cats meowing, and birds chirping. It was a long long night. I finally fell asleep, but woke up in the middle of the night and didn't know where I was...I panicked, but then remembered the events of the day before. I had to go pee, but didn't know where to go. I sniffed around and around, but didn't want to dirty up the floor. Finally I did it in the corner. I felt bad. I drank a little water, and found my toy beside the dog food. Something familiar was good, I picked it up and brought to my corner and tucked it under my chin and fell asleep. I awoke in the morning with a start...people were coming in and checking on me to see if I needed more water and food. I didn't, because I wasn't hungry. More ladies came in later and patted my head and told me ...it would be alright. I sat in my corner all day curled up and didn't look up once at all the people at the window. I just wanted this nightmare to be over.


Later in the day one of the ladies came in and put a leash on me... I thought, please god...let "the son" be picking me up!!! No, it was not "the son". They led me into a little room, where another lady was sitting. She came up to me, then sat on the floor beside me and kissed my head...she tickled my ears...she tickled my belly...she whispered in my ear not to be afraid, because she loved me and I was what she had been looking for. I loved her back right away. She played with me for about an hour, then she told the lady she had to go, but would be back. I didn't understand that part, because when she left they put me back in the the kennel, and I started to cry again. To much happy, sad, happy, sad was wearing me down. I curled back up in corner and ignored everyone again.


But, to my surprise and jubilation, SHE CAME BACK...with a new halter, a bright orange squeekie ball and doggie treats. She put the halter on me, after some struggling, and she filled out some forms for the lady, and we WALKED OUT OF THERE! I was still a little afraid because I didn't really know her, but she put me in her car, and we blew that popcorn stand.Once we got to her house, I was shown a huge backyard.. to die for....and I whizzed all over it for about 10 minutes...I'd been holding it in for a long time. She took me in the house, and I sniffed it out and thought..."hey this looks like a good gig"...lets give it a chance. The only thing she didn't tell me was...that she had not told her husband..(now my dad)...that she was getting a new dog.


The husband and her had lost their beloved dog "Munchie" who was 18 years old, 4 months before. The husband, was still not sure he wanted to commit to another relationship with a dog, after finding out how hard it was saying goodbye to the first one. Sooo..when he got home, he came into the kitchen...stepped back a few feet after seeing me...and said to her...I hope this is the neighbours dog! They talked loud for a few minutes, so I had a feeling this "gig" was coming to an end really quick. I had it in my head...that maybe I should just turn on the charm, because this guy looked like a soft touch. He was sitting at the kitchen table and I "sat pretty" right in front of him with my paws waving....he laughed...YES...he was mine!!!! The rest is history.
-----------------------------


She turned 7 this year, and it only seems like we got her yesterday. She already has some grey hairs on her. We love her so much. And she is smarter than the average bear!! Shit you not!!!

It was pretty weird looking back at the stuff I wrote...way back when I was a newbie.

I know how my blog friend Leslie feels about her cat, and I feel the same way. They complete the family unit, and give you so much love. And Leslie, I hope Bilbo got through everything okay. I could read your angst in your blog entry today. I have been through it four times before, with ailing kitters and dogs. And the saddess thing I have to say now....is my fav fish looks like he's going to rainbow bridge.

He has tried the dardest to remain alive...he doesn't give up!! He looks like he is dead!! And I go in with the fish net to retrieve him, and he bolts!! He has been doing this for a month. I know it's only a matter of time, but holy shit this little guy has balls. I never wanted this fish, my hippychick friend thought it would be fun to give me a Christmas present about 4 years ago, with 2 fish in one of those candle holder thingies... gross.......... I immediately set up a tank. So, I still have them. One is pretty well down, one to go. Guess what I will do?

Get another one to keep the remaining fish company...and the cycle starts over again.

balonie...over and out

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Day ..whatever of the blogyourselftodeath


Oh, here I am again. God will this never end. I don't even have time to check out my fav blogs. I have been so busy at work, and that is where I normally do that. So, if you thunk the balonie forsaked you..no so.. I will be back.
When I did my family blog on Sunday, I put up some of my pic's where I cartooned (in a sense) my frustration with the process of putting down patio blocks. I also added some of my laptops cartoons. You all have probably seen this.
I got some good feed back from my nephew and niece in Great Slave Lake. They said their son Jeremy who is three years old, cannot get enough of it. He wants to see Auntie laying on the ground, crawling to the pond for a drink, then grow a pumpkin head and sit at the patio table having a beverage, then get hit by a ladder, and then get hung and eaten by her dog, over and over. I think I am in the wrong business! Kid's love this shit, and it's my life!! I need to write a kid's book. How hard could it be?


Monday, November 20, 2006

Pigs are us

I was so discomboobulated yesterday, I forgot to tell you about my Sunday Night Supper:

I called it "Dining with Swine."

A Hefty pork loin roast...roasted to perfection, along with pan taters
Homemade apple sauce
Mixed veggies (beans, carrots and corn)
Swine gravy
Fresh rolls (around our bellys)
Dessert: Swine ... opps I meant a wee glass of "ice wine" It's very sweet, but it put the swine to rest in our tummies.

Then we went to our pig pen and dug a deep muddy hole, and went to sleep.

That's what pigs do.

I haven't heard any feedback from my family blog yet. I was a little concerned because sometimes I tend to write like I do here on my private blog. I didn't swear, except maybe I said Arsehole once or twice. But, I think they know me well enough to know..that I just say what is on my mind at the moment. Mind you, I had to censor myself several times. The best part was when my nieces Cheri and Lisa sent in their email, just as I was about to publish the blog. Everyone knew the deadline, but you know kid's...and they pushed it to the last minute!! I was so happy just to have someone of my side of the family to give some feedback. My two fav little arseholes!!!

I love them to pieces, they are a mirror image of me, with their flagrant sense of humour. (and no we don't look alike). When my bro and I were young, we always went a little outside the box, and loved to laugh. His girls are a very good example of their father, and my family.



Okay, you guys convinced me, I will go into photobucket and get the shot of my two neices on crack.
They love to try to amuse me, now my only wish is they would send me a pic of them when they are trying to be funny. Girls, the nose thing is gettin old!! But it really fits in with my Pig theme today. You are the best!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Hello...me tired.

I almost forgot to post. I have been struggling all day with my yearly family newsletter post. I have a blog for them, but it wouldn't work. It wouldn't show any pics. You don't want to know all the shit I went through to get the blog up. Blogger would not let me post a pic. So I had take ALL the pics I was sent and put them in photobucket, and then put them in one by one in their entry. Along with editing, and my own shit to the newsletter I was starting to puke . Fuck. I sure hope they enjoy my efforts, because if I get any grief, I will give them a boot to the head.

Back to work for me tomorrow, back to normal...and dog won't make sad eyes at me anymore.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Thankyou Jeebus

After panicking all day about my Christmas blog, I realized because I had not totally switched over, I could keep on changing my templates!!! Sometimes I am a slow learner. But of course I will not have haloscan because they only see my blog in beta. They wouldn't let me do anything yesterday.

Not to shabby huh? All Christmasy and stuff. And just tacky enough for my liking. I know I put it up once before as a joke, but this time I am perfectly serious. heh.

So, there you have it!! I'll keep hammering out templates till blogger shuts me down.

You, dear readers will have to put up with blogger comments..sowwy!!!

The AA crowd will be here soon, so I gotta fly. Nothing like seeing old folks streaming in and yakking about their aches and pains...then 1 hour later and two glasses of wine later, doing handstands.

I am so happy I figured it out, actually I had figured it out before, but forgot I figured it out..GO FIGURE! And I think my friends are a little slow on the draw, I got them beat by a mile.

HO HO HO!!

Friday, November 17, 2006

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'm not really in BETA yet. I have switched over, but have kept my old template. They let you back out if you don't like what you see. Therefore I am not yet kosher. Blogger gives you a choice of templates to choose from. The html code looks very different from the normal ones I am used to. I guess it's just set up differently using widgets or some dang thing.

I cannot use all of the features unless I use one of their templates!! I have tried, believe me. It always refuses the code. The stuff I can use are"label," "reader options," and a neat "spell check." (it highlites your error and you click on it for the right spelling). I have set up a test blog and am testing all the functions,and they are great. You can now put any dang thing in your sidebar with no fuss or muss. Just find a photo and click away, and it's there. Size used to be such an issue for me, and it always threw the template off. Also adding peeps to your list of people you read is a snap.

WARNING... Haloscan has not dealt with Blogger Beta. I switched back to my old template when I discovered that Haloscan would not recognize it. If you go on Haloscan's site there is no mention of any problems, but once you go to the forum it is being discussed with a lot of people. Some guys have a "work around", but I couldn't get them to work. But, of course I'm not the brightest bulb in the bulb factory.

I now can't put up a new template and expect Haloscan to work, or even the new template, because I have made the basic switch. I am still testing it in my laboratory. I am so stupid. So, if I want my long awaited Christmas blog to appear, it may not, nor will haloscan. Anyone out there smarter than me? Okay don't shove, I know you are all trying to get into line.

Are you guys laughing a me? You know how much I like to change my template!! You buggers!! But, once you are totally switched on to Beta, you can change different things in the blogs that they provide. But how much I don't know. I will go and clean up my test blog and give you a gander.

I am only reporting on what I found, and of course I'm no genius, and may be cryin foul for no reason.

SK..shudup!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Dog Face



Don't give me that face!! I have opened and closed the patio door 876 times today, what is it that you want little one? Okay, come on in little critter....oop's did the door close too quickly and catch your godamn tail! Okay that did not happen, but I was "this" close to making it happen. When I'm home all day, I am her bitch, and I have to do what she wants me to, so I went downstairs and brought out the Christmas Reindeer ears and the Santa hat that she so dearly loves to wear.

She finally got off my back... I know she looks so pathetic, like no one loves her and nobody plays with her, and life just totally sucks...she has that face even when she is happy, so don't be worried, this goes on day.after.day.

Went out for lunch with my American friend today...now that is a story for another day...and she was directing traffic in the parking lot...ahem. So, I'm thinking she has a lot more going on than I thought. And she is making plans to come up here again........ call the police.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Hello from beta




Just checking in. Still on holidays. I have been annoying fellow bloggers all day.

Also have been checking out my Christmas blog template and trying to change it to suit me. I won't happen. Nothing makes me happy, I'm such a grinch.

And now that I get to label every blog I write with beta..I will label this as "crap"

Have a good day. yours truly balonie

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

BETA




I am speaking to you from Blogger Beta. CAN YOU HEAR ME? All of you who still are in the Blogger Old Folks Homes!!
I was warned I may not be able to comment on your blogs, and if I can't I will email you. But until then I will use all the features they have given me. DID YOU HEAR ME?

Lets try a picture shall we.


I went to to get my hair cut today, first I went into the internet to find a reliable look for me. I cut and pasted the hair do on my head. It's not the best look and while doing that it seems worms were coming out of the right side of my face. OR..maybe a microphone, I could have been a news anchor. Katie...look out! BTW, my haircut was not as successful as the picture. But, as they say, hair grows!!







Now that was impressive, I could drag and drop Mr. toliet seat anywhere I wanted him to go. So far, I am impressed. But he does not have a frame around him which I exclaimed about yesterday.

I don't know ....it all seems the same..but then I haven't had the chance to really have a go at it.

Yours truly,

balonie




Let's try one more time: It didn't work..fuckers..


Let's try again... see you soon.............. or not.


























Wish me luck

I going over to beta..........buhhhbye

Monday, November 13, 2006

Tomorrow is D Day

I'm going over to the other side. Beta, my friends. I was using it all afternoon on my Test Blog. It's pretty slick. After all the trouble I had last night trying to put up pic's, I said "that is enough." loud enough for all the little ears in China to hear. The new pics are easy to use and can be adjusted to suit your blog. They even have a little border around them, which, by the way, I love! My pic's were all over the map last night, and if there is anything I hate more is a messy looking blog. Yeah, I just said it was "messy"...I did not say cluttered, which I usually manage if I keep a template up long enough. They have a bunch of other stuff too, drag and drop stuff, header changes can be make quickly. Yadda yadda, but I didn't have any problems at all. And I put that sucker through the wringer I tells ya. I will enjoy the font feature, but I don't know if it will override my template font, I didn't try it.

Gotta to give those guys credit for trying to make our blogging experience a little less stressful. While I am changing to beta, I may as well change my template. For two days now, half of what I wrote was not visible to me! Eventually if appeared, but I think it might be a html error in the code. I will just choose a generic one until December. Then I get to put up my Christmas one!! Yahoo... So, I will be sure to save any comments anyone may have sent. Haloscan used to add the comments from previous entries back in the blog, but of late, they have not. I don't like them very much anymore. Yessss, I know it free, and what do I want "my money back?"

The dilemma of last week has been resolved. "D" called on Saturday, and said she had called for her Dr. Appointment in Winnipeg and was hoping for the last weekend in November, but she could not get it. She had to take an opening this Thursday. So, we will only be meeting for lunch. This is good. We can reconnect and actually see if we could make a whole weekend together. She might just hate me. I am annoying. I like everything my way. I am a princess with a pumkin head. Spellcheck asked me if I meant pemmican ..ha...yeah...balonie the buffalo head. I know I should have spelled it correctly.

I am still on holiday, I tried to sleep in this morning....until Gord's cell phone rang 4..count them 4 frickin times around 8:00 AM. For some reason he had his shop phone call forwarded to the cell..(*&$ Are people stupid? He never gets up before 9:00 AM!! After all, he has his own business and does things when it suits him. If that phones rings tomorrow morning, it goes into the pooper!! I will just drop it in the bowl. I swear. I am not a morning person to start off with, and I just want to lay there and watch the clock ... and know, I don't have to get up!!