Monday, October 30, 2006

Guess what we had for our Sunday Night Supper

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The first two contestants that get it right, will win my ugly dishwasher who's corroded top is showing. And, if you live within a two mile radius of me... Gord will yank it out of my kitchen and bring it to yours... for free. But, he will not install it. He is an appliance repair tech, not a plumber. God, if I have heard that more than 5786 times. So, that's my game. Wanna play?

You already seen the cakes, so you know what dessert was. Messy.

We had us some big time snow today. Getting home from work was a little bit treacherous.

I can't tell you how much I love winter. Even better than fall. I was outside playing with Penny in the snow, and I sat down at the picnic table and just felt the silence. Snow seems to buffer out all the traffic noises. I felt the calm, that has alluded me all summer. Heat, strong winds, and too much sun, make me very edgy. I can feel the tension from my shoulders subsiding.

Before the snow, it was very dark outside and depressing in the evenings. Now everything is lit up from the reflection of the snow and it looks so nice and bright. Penny and I can play in the backyard without any lights on. God, I love it. And, yes it will get colder, but I don't care. It is so beautiful in my garden right now with all the snow draping over my new pine trees and bushes.

Okay, so there is always a down side.

Plow boy, is trying to put together his new snow blade for a trial run. I can feel my shoulders getting tense.. Surely shit will happen, trust me. Nothing will work. It never does the first time.

But once he gets it going, and he always does. There will be much rejoicing on our snowy street and regaling of tales of how he overcame the evil "snow blade" and won. He will be honking the horn at our poor neighbor's that are manually removing the snow from their driveways..and yell out the window.."look at hands." There is no end to his snowplowing glee. We obviously like winter but for two different reasons.

Just a note: He got it going! After a week of trying to figure out the wiring, and installing a heavy duty plate to the inside of the bumper to carry this thing... It's just flying off our driveway!! This new one has some hydraulics the other one didn't, so he is one happy camper.

If he would show me how to use this baby, I could quit my job and do driveways in the winter. Or maybe not. I do way to much curb "off roading" as it is. Must be my bifocals.

I see he just finished our driveway and is so in love with it he started doing the neighbours...

He just told me I have to go to work with it on the truck tomorrow because the snow "she" is still coming down and we have to clean off our parking lot at the shop...but I have to make sure I stay at least 3 feet away from another car. Fudge...I guess he has never seen me drive before, I give everyone two car lengths on ice. Even if it pisses most of the nation off.

Okay, time for suppa... Fried fish in a seasoned flour coating, Risotto, and mixed veggies.

God I love winter.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

I'm just a little frustrated..But what else is new.

Wireless, schmerliss, it doesn't work!! Fortheloveofpete, who in the hell invented this crap anyway. I know, Wally Wireless, who apparently was wired wrong. In total I have spent 10 hours trying to get this fucker fixed. Excuse my German, I couldn't find the umlaut on my keyboard for the U. But, I am so frustrated I could crush a rose, smack a teddy bear, or piss on somethingorother.. you name it Leroy!

The software from the router damn near took down my desktop. The CD provided is defective, as I found out today when I got the XP "blue screen"...told me I'd better go to the can right now, because in two minutes I would be shitting my drawers.

It listed the errors on my hardrive, after number 6 I started for the bathroom. I don't like to be around when bad things are happening, and tend to close my eyes and ears and pretend it will all go away. When I finally emerged, XP kindly fixed up all the nonsense my D "fricking" Link Router had caused him. It shook it's finger at me, and said "balonie, "do you hear me girl?" .... new technology is for those that can! As I wiped the screen clean of my ministry of tears and kisses, I did a back up. AH HA...That's all it takes to get me off my sorry ass. It always takes the "close call."

But my problems aren't over, now I have to take back the router, and install a new one. My laptop works 50% of the time, but there is something wrong with the whole system. The desktop and laptop are not getting along. Someone has got to go. This time I will buy the one recommended to me...not the cheap one I bought.

Live and learn. I am sure DLink is okay, but this unit is certainly crap.

I was so distracted today, with my tech friend guy on the phone for 3 hours! I couldn't seem to remember shit afterwards. I lost my camera, I couldn't find my visa bill, my rechargable batteries for the camera .. WERE DEAD AGAIN, by time I found my camera. Technology is going to give me a heart attack. Bygum.

Seems we are going to get winter tonight. It's been snowing a little all afternoon but the temp is still above freezing. We are supposed to get a couple inches before the morning. There is nothing better I like to do on a Monday morning on the first snow day. Slip sliding away!

I usually tell youse guys what I am having for Sunday night supper, but from now on, I will be letting you guess. I will give you the picture, you tell me what I had. heh. I'm tricky like that.

Are you ready....

Well, like the rest of my day, blogger pic's won't work. Just so you know, I am going to into the kitchen and sticking my head in the oven.

Ten minutes later:

Okay, so that didn't work, it seems we don't have a gas oven. Damn near lit my hair on fire with the broil element. phewww...

Marching on to next week. I can't wait to get rear ended (ahem) by a loser driver who has never driven in snow. But the good news is that my Explorer has air bags, and I can't wait till they hit me square in the face.

Happy trails, until we meet again.

Yours truly,

Roy Rogers

Saturday, October 28, 2006

We had a party tonight

It was Gord's birthday and our 3ummm4th anniversary.. shit how time flies.

Here is the happy couple, shaking hands instead of doing kissing shit stuff. But sitting on his lap was fun.

Here is the two cakes we baked for him. There was some miscommunicating going only one cake should have been baked. SIL and Hippychick, had a plan, but did not communicate it to me. Therefore the 2 cakes. One carrot, the other banana. Both good. Both with cream cheese icing. Both with 3rd grade attempts at writing "happy birthday." Mine is the first one, my first attempt a making icing, it tasted good, buy it looks like mashed potatoes fortheloveofmike. Actually it looks like a Shepards pie.

Here is my best friend Hippychick, the slut, making out with my birthday boy!

We had a great Attitude Adjustment hour. Gord and his bro went out for the last motorcycle ride of the season, and came back pretty crisp around 6:00. It was cold. The rest of the crew trickled in with cards and prezzies in hand. Drinks were served, fresh homemade bread and butter was served, and much laughter ensued. My laptop was brought on to the kitchen table and used on numerous occasions to prove points that were in dispute. I knew it would come in handy!!

BIL and Gord are going down to London Ontario next weekend to pick up a car Mr. rich BIL is buying. It's a Prowler. I really don't know much about it, but funny looking.

I'ts getting late for this ole chickie....see you tomorrow. I'm still licking cake off my face.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

View My Guestmap or I will poke you in the eye

My Guestmap is very low key, it sits shyly on the bottom of my sidebar. It's sort of dark blue, and doesn't cause any attention to itself. But, now listen up people, I need to know where in the hell you all are. Yes, I mean, you, and you, and you.

Don't make me come out there and find you. I don't want your address, I just want to know what continent you live on, just put the pin in and make some wise ass remarks..That's all I ask. Put the pin in. I mean it.

So far, I have Ms.Brenda from Arkansas, who I know and love to pieces. Then at one point Mary Lou from Whidbey Island posted her whereabouts, but somehow, she got blown off the map. Got gas Mary Lou? I didn't blow you off.

DJ.Pleaz from Caldwell Idaho put her pin in the map ..Howdy do to you!! Thanks for stopping in and asking about the Cuban Lunches.

Then, Patty from Sebastopol CA...I can't believe you found my little spot in the universe. Now, that is a interesting name for a town, or city. And also kind of hard to say. Is it, Se-bast-o-pol? It would be interesting to know where it got it's name. Maybe, just maybe, a long time ago a man called "Se" invaded the town, and he was a "bast"ard and became the mayor, and then took a "pol"l with the citizens to see if he could win in the next election. Or was his real name Arnold? Hey, I'm a Canadian, but I still know my stuff. Just kidding Patty, you probably are wondering where and what Winnipeg means.

Also, Ghetto Mama, she is up north. I'm thinking Prince Albert area, but I am not sure. A map expert I am not. She has a great sense of humour and love to hear her stories of the love hate relationships she has with her no good neighbours. and how she describes the human politics of the area.

Now, if these kind folks would put their location on my map, why wouldn't you?

My map is bare-assed. Nakid.

Pin the tail on my donkey my friends...ouch!..cut it out.

NOTE: I am getting really sick of this orange Halloween template...just so you know it will change. Hopefully into something more mature. But don't count on it.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Monday night from hell

I'm making "Dirty Rice" for suppa. I'd do a "dirty dance" ...but... I am tuckered out.

Our power went out 3 times last night. The first time it failed, I was scared shitless. We have one of those flashlights that you plug in the wall and lights up when the power goes off. Suddenly I woke up to the screeching of smoke alarms (who are warning me there is no power in case they smell smoke), a flashlight which is lighting up the ceiling of our bedroom, Gord's cell phone, that was on "charge," making purring noises, our Carbon Monoxide sensor ..sputtering (letting us know that if we have carbon monoxide in the house, he is of no use to us). It was like an air raid. I now know how the English felt in the war. The Queen must of been very annoyed.

This happened at 3:00AM...4:30AM and once again at 5:00AM. 3 fucking times. The third time I got up and unplugged the computers in case they got damaged. Third time around..ya stupid!

When the power finally came on for the last time, I got up once more and was blinded by all the flashing lights of the 7654 clock type crap we have in our house. Tonight we have reset all of them. ...without manuals....

I didn't want to reset my alarm clock for the morning, because I was too stinking tired. So I just laid there waiting for daylight. Then I fell asleep. Then I was late for work. Then I was an ass. Nothing more to be said there. I was a tired ass.

On another note, we sold my old 1987 Bronco today. I bade farewell to old "Wobbly," with nary a tear in my eye. I rode that Bucking Bronco for 4 years, and I still have bruises on my kidneys to prove it.

I was thinking today, I have not bitched about my vehicles lately. I don't have to drive the big honking horking van anymore...what will I bitch about this winter? I will tell you what I will bitch about, Plow Boy is putting the "SNOW BLADE" on my new, used, Explorer. He will clear a path from Canada to the Yukon if left him to his own devices.

I will really miss watching TV in the big ole van this winter, whilst I drive to work. Or when I hop into the back and have a drink at the bar at a red light. It had it perks. Don't even mention the sound system. Oy... I had AM Talk Radio, justa blaring. I always wanted to know where the helicopter traffic guys were. That is how cool I am.

Right now, I am driving the Explorer.. without a bumper, because Gord is in the midst of putting all the hardware underneath her to carry the new Mr. SNOW BLADE. It should be completed by next weekend. Yeah, I've heard that before. Fertheloveofaplowboy and his highjinks. Not that I want to puke or anything, but godallmighty, give a girl a rest.

I am a winestone cowgirl. The game is on..I'm still playin.

Sunday, October 22, 2006


We spent the major part of last night trying to get the wireless working between the two computers. Lord. My BIL and SIL (computer junkies) we kind enough to help me. However, they pride themselves in never following the instructions in the manual. Now, I find this just plain dumb. But, I didn't say too much as they were pulling out all the wires from the modem and pretending they knew where to stick them in the router. 4 hours people. At hour 3, I said, you have to follow the sequence of events as stated in the manual. I could not long hold my very large tongue.

They glanced up at me with disdain in their eyes, and had the nerve to say, I was being a bit of a "nit picker". "Nit Picker", my ass, I was tired, hungry and wanted it to be over. Just because I kept reading aloud from the (bible) manual every 2 seconds, does not make me a nit picker. I have to agree on one point that the installation CD's were very hard to install, when you required internet access, which at this point we not longer had. It's a long story. Eventually, they gave up, and mainlined it so I could have access to my laptop. They left, filed out, heads down. My wireless internet connection had "crushed" the two computer guru's like a squirrel under a Goodrich tire.

I cleaned up a bit. Wireless? My ass, we had so many wires all over my office I was tripping over them. It was a good thing I had some frozen stew left over from Tuesday or we would have to had ice cubes for supper.

We were just winding down, when Gord's bro phoned and said he had found a web-site that would do a quick install of the D-Link set up. He sent me the link. By this time we were bushed, and went to bed.

I woke up at 7:00 friken o'clock this morning and started to toss and turn. I knew this whole mess was waiting for me in the office, and I know I am computer stupid. Yes, I could probably go into the web site, download it etc. But "what if it asked me something I don't know how to do?" .... Turned over, and over, and over again. Got up, brushed my hair and combed my teeth and set out to do the impossible. The ball was in my court.

Cup of coffee in hand, I sat at my desk with a myriad of wires going everywhere. I found the link of my laptop which he sent me last night. I was shit scared I was going to screw up everything. After cup of coffee number 2, I pressed the link, and lo and behold, it was exactly the information we needed last night. So, I started switching wires around from the modem to the router ... As directed in the instructions!~ and did the quickie download, and whaaaa laaaa tee doh... I went wireless!! I had to work out a few bugs later, but guess what? I figured it out. I am a computer genius.

I have been moving the laptop all over the house today.

And it still works.

I still have small problem on the laptop, it says my wireless connection in not totally secured. Someone in our area could access it. The instructions to secure it might as well been in Greek, that much of a computer genius, I am not.

For now, I am very happy. I just won't do my banking on there.

I was going to do a picture collage tonight with all the places the lappy has been, but after laundry, haircutting of husband, walking the dog (who, by the way was a total bitch out there), and being a computer guru...I am pooped. I didn't even have the balls left to iron my jeans after they came out the dryer CRINKLED again. I'm not ironing them! I folded them very nicely and put a huge left over "patio stone" on top of them. I will hope for the best by Tuesday. You have no idea how much this annoys me. So, I will wear my old lady black polyester pants to work tomorrow, along with my black hoodie sweatshirt of course. Why should one dress up to go to work if you are on latrine duty?

Sunday night supper:

Yellow Chicken
Roasted spuds
Carrots and French Green Beans wit butta.

I bought a chicken yesterday at Superstore, and it was yellow looking. I asked the meat manager .."why the yellow fellow"? He said because it was probably corn fed. I said "so, then it doesn't have hepatitis?" "No", he yelled.."sheesh don't excited man, I was just asking". I sort of like my chickens flesh coloured, or maybe pinkish. It's cooking right now, and it smells different. It smells yellow. Damn that corn.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

I AM speakinf to you from my laptop

oKAy. I AM using my ne w laptop key board. I think t here might be an ajustment period.

LOve. joan

Friday, October 20, 2006

Get ready, get he is!!

Lookie there, my little fat assed postman delivered!!

It was funny this morning, about 9:30 I went into the BEST BUY website again to check on the status of my order, and low and behold, it said it was on a delivery truck in Winnipeg! By jove it was HERE! I promptly pissed my pants.

So, instead of working at my computer, which does not face the front door, I sat at my desk waiting for the little fat assed mailman.

He walked in the door just as I was on the phone and threw our mail on my desk. I got up and gestured wildly for him to STAY..because I knew it should be on his truck. When I finally got off the phone, I pulled up BEST BUY'S website (which I had minimized) for just such an occasion. I pulled up the site and said "LOOK fat ass, it says it should be in your truck"!!! At first he denied he had anything for me on his truck. I reminded him of our conversation on Tuesday about the parcel I was expecting. Apparently a few lights came on....and he said..oh yeah I have a big box in the back of the truck!! And out he waddled. Back he came with my computer! Just like that. Arsehole. I asked him what would have happened to the package if I hadn't asked for it, and he said, he would have noticed it in about 3 hours at the end of his shift, and would have had to bring it back here. I am sure he and his lazy ass would have brought it back to the postal station and noted that it could not be delivered!! I am so jaded. Poor little ole mailman.

No cookies for him. I could see he was lying. I will have a Halloween apple with razor blades hidden in it ready for him next week.

Lets have a look at him shall we. He has a 17" screen ..OMG.

Tomorrow is the big day when all the Attitude Adjustment friends come over (to drink me out of house and home). Two of them are computer nerds, so I should be getting my wireless shit going, and get it networked with the big boy on my desk.

I am one lucky sumofabitch.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Laptop update..

Are you getting tired of me yet? Cause it ain't over. I tracked him again today, but only did it 567 times. No sense getting Canada Post mad at me. It still says he is in a sorting station in Mississauga Ontario. Fuck.

What the hell is to sort out? It has my name, address, and next of kin right on it. Send it to me NOW! I would have thought by now it would have said: Your order is just rounding a curve on the #1 Highway from hell in Ontario, near Kenora (dead man's curve) we like to call it. However we must inform you that at least 10 semi drivers have met their fate on that stretch of highway this past year. Now, if you would just have paid that extra postage we could have avoided killing innocent truckers if you would have sent by air.

It's all my fault. I know. It always is.

I have no common sense.

Hopefully it will be coming into the front door of my office tomorrow morning, with my little happy assed postman. He is on notice, so I have a bag of cookies waiting for him if he delivers. If he brings it on Monday, it's an apple with a razor blade in it. I'm serious.

But, I don't think he looks like an apple eatin guy anyway, so I won't kill him. He is a funny looking older man, and has a huge butt on him, you don't see too many men with big butts these days. He sure looks funny in his Canada Post shorts in summer. I watch him waddle back to his truck after he delivers my mail. He makes me smile. And I sorta would like to pinch it and see him squeal. oink.

If he brings the laptop tomorrow, I might just pat his big butt. God, I am so desperate. And no, I won't sleep with him...I don't think there is enough room for the both of us in the back of his Canada Post van......because his butt is sssssssssssso BIG! I'm surprised he has enough room in there for the mail.

This is my fate:

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

No laptop yet..

No lapeetop, no happy.

It's in Canada posts warehouse in Mississauga Ontario, vegging.

It says "Item accepted and entered into sortation plant." You Canucks will know how that goes. It will be sent to Timbucktoo!

I, have a tracking number, and know how to use it. I have used it 9865 times today.

I got an email asking me not to clutter up the internet with my obsessions. Screw you Mr. It's my tracking number and I know how to use it! Just kidding, I guess you knew that.

But I have been heating up the internet for a few days tracking that adopted refurbished boy of mine.

If Madonna would have had to use a tracking number to get her adopted child from Africa, she would have done the same. I knew Madonna and I were on the same page. Fortunately, she has a million bucks and handlers and she doesn't have to use Canada Post "Ground." She probably had that little guy flown in "Express Post" is actually only 3.00 bucks more. Lucky little guy. But, I'm guessing because she is from the US of A ...he was delivered by UPS on a silve plater. Poor little tyke.

On another note: My boss has given me a new job. Office Housekeeping. Is that what the "Office Manager" does? I don't think so. So, now I get to clean the toliets, wash the bathroom floor, dust and vacuum. I have to admit, I have nothing to do half the time I am there, and I could use a little exercise.

His plan went a little awry. I'm not good at it.

I cleaned, washed, (everything was filthy) except my work area. Then I vac'd. Apprarently when he has had his son come in to do this dirty work (every weekend) I think not... he was not allowed to vaccum in his area because if always screwed up him computer.

Guess what! I cleaned and vac'd up his office. When he came back from his meeting he asked if I had vac'd his office, I said yes "boss", and can I shines your shoes too SIR".

He said, when my son and I cleaned the office on the weekends,(yeah in 1962) we noticed everytime we vac'd anywhere near my computer, it shut off. And now again, it's off! Off, Off, Off, how ever will I get on the internet to see my Hockey pools stat' how? He was shitting his pantaloons!

Gee Whilikers Hockey Bob, how ever will will fix this?

I called the computer guy, and asked him to be in the office at 8:00 AM, because I didn't want to clean anymore shit off the floor.

I got in this morning, and asked him if the computer tech had come in, and he said, no. Just no. Nothing else. Then, I said, I will call him again to see when he is coming. He said, don't bother, "I" fixed it! He said he just unplugged the computer and it reset itself. Wellllllllllllllll for the loveofmike, couldn't you have JUST said it was fixed before making me jump through all those hoops!!...and I was worried all night that I had f'd up his computer with HIS vac cleaner.

He drives me crazy, along with most of the men in my life. I may as well just put a dartboard on my face, and let them go for it.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Monday..talking about Sunday

I really enjoyed a Sunday where there was no drama in the house, no patio calamities, no roof walking...jest nice and quite. Around 2:00 PM I took Penny for a long long walk. The weather was just beautiful. After we came home, did a little blog walking........and whilst I was doing that I glanced at my little teenie weenie fish tank, and saw that my oldest fish (one of the two) had his belly pasted up against the glass. He has been doing this for the last month or so. But this time I thought he was really dead! So, with tears in my eyes, I sought out the fish net from the cupboard, and a plastic bag in which to dump him into. I took the top off the fish tank and stuck the net in...and he bolted...well fortheloveofflipper..he looked dead in the water!! He was belly up! So, my only conculusion is that it may not be a "he" maybe a "she" and he/she was spawning...I don't know. I just fed them and he is upright and eating vigiously. I think I might have to take the pump out of the tank, and maybe I can get this to a conclusion. After the "Big Guy" died last year, I thought these two little one's wouldn't be too far behind, but for some reason I cannot kill a fish. I must be doing something right.

I finally got my microwave shelf put in. We no longer have our microwave in the bedroom. Hippychick made a support shelf for it above our Jenn Air stove. She is not only talented in what she does in her workplace, but also quite the carpenter.

She cut the board and stained it to match the cabinets, but you probably can't see that. It's underneath the microwave. But it sure looks better than the huge microwave head we had on there before. She is very talented and I'm so grateful for a friend that would do that for us. She's a gem.

(click)...the rest doesn't get bigger because GD blogger will only let me do one at a time.

The before picture...
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Now all I have to do is get rid of the ugly can opener, and put in a back splash. That is next weeks project.

Guess what we had for supper?

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Yes, you got it....pot roast!! It was hard with those eyes looking back up at me!! Hold on, don't report me to animal was Penny's stuffed bull head, (named Bullshit) except I don't think you can see the horns on the pic. He squeeks, and she carries him around like a little pal all day. I really didn't want to put this grungy hair infested thing in my pot, but I put a saucer on the bottom to catch the cooties. Then, when I actually pot roasted a cow, I cleaned it out first...just saying in case youse guys think I'm dirty or something.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Who said Friday the 13th. was unlucky?

Guess what?

Guess again....

Heh, I just delivered my first child. I haven't got him home yet because he is being swaddled in shrink and bubble wrap. But with any luck at all he will arrive here by next Wednesday. The doc's say he just needs a little reburbishing, but he will "right as rain" and get to come home soon.

And the best thing is he has the numerical keypad built in. It's a desktop/laptop.. good for our business stuff and my playtime.

I was going to name her DELL at first.... BUT my friend "Dell" and I broke up. So I started to look for some boys.

I had a one night "internet" stand with a lovely friend from China or Japan, I'm not sure.... he was handsome and a smooth talker, and after reviewing his wares, and his stamina..good lord!! I was hooked. So, the name of my new baby is "Tosh." I will never let him go on a playdate with Dell, god only knows what in the hell would happen if they ever procreated. It would be like marrying your first hardrive, ram would be zero, and don't let me even think about the size of his head. oy..

I am one happy camper tonight. I think I will have a glass of wine. Opp's too late......

I cannot wait...I have wanted this for so long.

...doing a happy dance!!

balonie..over and out!!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Ahhh ferget the meme..fudge

Let's talk about the ole folks do.

Winds were about 80 mile an hour

It snowed some, peculiar for these parts cause we normally don't git us any snow until after the sunflowers are harvested. Must be a change in the air.

The dawg was confused, and chilly without without her store bought coat.

She pissed on the deck.

A dawg like that ain't no good for huntin. We don't need us any chicken shit dogs.

So, I fried her up for supper. I told my mister it was chicken.

When he asked me where the dog was, I told him she ran away.

He sayed: "Woman..I was saving that no good dog up for Sunday supper, go and find her".

I tolds him, she would be back, probably in the morning. Check your Stool Mail!

heh..I just made that up...y'all.

balonie rides again............


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Go for's a meme!

You know what happens in winter don’t you?…meme’s
I know you are all doing the big exhale and squirming in your panties or your shorts, but indulge me people! I got this from Neil who commented on my blog today. He's a funny guy, I think he's a keeper.

This is to no one in particular....just do it. And be specific. I will do it tomorrow, it's getting late and the 3 pounds of spaghetti I ate for supper in coming in for a landing. Gotta run!!


1. Smoked a joint
2. Been in love
3. Had a threesome
4. Been dumped
5. Shoplifted
6. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
7. Been arrested
8. Made out with a stranger
9. Gone on a blind date
10. Had a crush on a teacher
11. Been to Europe
12. Been to Canada
13. Been to Mexico

14. Seen someone die
15. Thrown up in a bar
16. Met a celebrity
17. Met someone from the internet in person
18. Been moshing at a concert
19. Gone backstage at a concert
20. Lain outside in the grass and watched cloud shapes go by
21. Made a snow angel
22. Flown a kite
23. Cheated while playing a game
24. Been lonely
25. Fallen asleep at work
26. Fallen asleep at school
27. Used a fake ID
28. Been kicked out of a bar
29. Felt an earthquake
30. Touched a snake
31. Slept beneath the stars
32. Been robbed
33. Won a contest
34. Run a red light
35. Been suspended from school
36. Had braces
37. Felt like an outcast
38. Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
39. Had deja vu
40. Totaled a car
41. Stolen a car
42. Hated the way you look
43. Witnessed a crime
44. Been to a strip club
45. Been to the opposite side of the world
46. Swum in the ocean
47. Felt like dying
48. Cried yourself to sleep
49. Sung karaoke
50. Paid for a meal with only coins
51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
52. Made prank phone calls
53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue
54. Been kissed under the mistletoe
55. Had a bonfire on the beach
56. crashed a party
57. Seen a tornado
58. Had a wish come true
59. Gone bungee jumping
60. Screamed in public
61. Told a complete stranger you loved them
62. Had a one night stand
63. Kissed a mirror
64. Had a dream that you married someone
65. Gotten your fingers stuck together with super glue
66. Been a cheerleader
67. Sat on a roof top
68. Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
69. Stayed up all night
70. Not taken a shower for three days
71. Made contact with a ghost while playing a Ouija board
72. Had more than 30 pairs of shoes at a time
73. Gone streaking
74. Been skinny dipping
75. Had sex in a public or semi-public place
76. Been kissed by a complete stranger
77. Broken a bone
78. Caught a butterfly
79. Mooned/flashed someone
80. Had someone moon/flash you
81. Cheated on a test
82. Forgotten someone's name
83. Slept naked

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Goodbye Summer and Fall

It's was a beautiful evening last night, but it's time to put away "all stuff that says summer"...

I won't miss the heat, but I sure will miss the colours of fall.
If you look closely, you will see a grey squirrel frantically trying to climb a stucco wall, after being chased by his buddies fighting over an apple. It was a major deal, I don't know why, because there is a trillion apples sitting on the ground, but I guess it was all about territory.
It's Sunday night, and we are going to have our Thanksgiving turkey today instead of tomorrow. I just bought a little one, because we don't have anyone coming over. But, I just love the smell of turkey roasting, and all the rest of the goodies.

I made a apple spice cake last night for my SIL birthday, so we will have that for dessert. I rarely ever bake, but it turned out pretty good. It reminded me of my childhood when my mom and dad bought me a Betty Crocker bake set for Christmas. I didn't have the oven. (like it really worked anyway) I just had the pans and the cake mixes, and most of them were spice cakes. I remember my mom saying she hated spice cake. I had never had spice cake, and after I baked it, I loved it. But she said she didn't even like the smell of it in the house. Her idea of spices was cinnamon. That was it. And only on apple pie.

I missed a good photo op this morning. Gord, you know him, "patio boy?" has not given up sealing the house in case we get water in the basement again this spring. He has filled every nook and cranny with dirt, sand, and now more foam. But at least time he didn't get it on his NEW pants. He is crazed let me tell you, crazed.

Anyhow, as I was saying, this morning he went out and started to clean up the yard to put things away for the winter, and I thought he would be safe. He wasn't jacking up 500 lb. patio bricks, like he has for the last 5 Sunday's, so I took my coffee and sat down at the computer and started to read a few blogs. After about 1/2 an hour, I heard a "clomp, clomp" noise. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from, and finally it got louder and louder, so I went outside. I walked out into the front yard to see where the noise was coming from. Suddenly I heard this loud crow like cawing noise coming from our roof, I turned around and looked up and there he was, on the roof laughing at me and flapping his arms cawing like a crow. Fortheloveofadink. I guess the joke was supposed to be that there was a crow screeching in the next tree, and he was mimicking it, but question was.."What in the fuck are doing on the roof?". "Do I have to rescue from every stupid thing you do"? His answer was...Caww Caww... and waved his arms some more.. you know, I was so pissed off, I considered taking the ladder off the house and let him sit up there until I could phone a mental health facility. Yes, I know he was only cleaning out the eaves, but for shit sake, knowing his track record in home improvements, someone always ends up getting hurt, or having to replace what he has tried to fix. Let's not forget the crowbar incident. Plus all the other one's I haven't even mentioned.

One day I just want to be able to sit all alone, and not have to worry about another man made drama.. He can't live with drama, everything is a HUGE deal. I get it already...we had some water in the basement last spring, but let's put that in perspective, and not seal the house up like Fort Knox. One extreme to the next. oyyyyyyveyyyyyy!

Tomorrow he is cleaning out the garage /God help me. Hopefully he will stay on the ground. But, I wouldn't count on it. Ten to one says he will make a small project into a very large one, and drag me into it. Forget it buddyboy....I'm taking tomorrow off and you will have to put your own bandaids on your severed fingers, while you are answering your cell phone.

But with all the bitching, I still have to give thanks on this Thanksgiving day..(the clock just struck 12:00) so it is officially Monday, that we both are well, we have a lovely home (or we did) and we play off each other so well. We have the bestest dog evar.."Penny Loafer" who keeps us laughing with her antics. We have a lot of fun and good friends who show up here every Saturday and make our lives so much richer. For that I am thankful. Let's not think about the new microwave shelf that has to be built, because THAT might just be the deal breaker.

Happy Thanksgiving to all you Canucks!!

Friday, October 06, 2006

I was saving this for Halloween but...

With my close death experience I have to post this now. I have saved so many things, and I want to start sharing them now.

For your enjoyment "Halloween Butt" and ten to one blogger won't post it. I bet you $10.00 me the money. NOW!!

Okay, I'm gonna try, but I know it won't work. *&&^% I'm trying not say Fuck anymore, excuse those little **&&^%$ signs.

Well, for heaven's sake his butt just popped up out of nowhere.

Doesn't that just say Pumpkin?

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I'm a dead woman walking........

Hallo, it's ME..BALONIE! Get me out of here!! HALP!!

I tried to get online after supper, and it said my account was closed. Whatthehell? I checked all my bills, and they were paid? Whatthehell? I phoned MTS (my server) and said "Whathellisgoingon." A very nice young man answered and checked my account, and told me I was deceased as of yesterday at 12:30AM.

Hold on..back up the truck Chuck!...I'm sitting here talking to you bud! He said there was a notation on the account that the customer was deceased. Then he asked if my husband was alive, and I said, "wait," "let me check." I put him on hold, checked Gordon's pulse, came back, and said, yes he is still alive, but not for long because he is messing with the patio again!! He said, "well I guess there has been a clerical error." Then he told me he would have to transfer me to the "getyoubackonline" department.

I waited, and I waited, I almost died waiting. My blood pressure must have been going through the roof listening to elevator music, and hoping my phone wouldn't go "dead," as I hadn't charged it for awhile. Finally, I got the customer service gal. I had to explain the whole thing over again, and she also was happy I was alive, but was worried about Gordon..whatthell? Well, apparently his name is on the account along with mine, and she wanted to make sure one of us had not taken a "dirt nap". I explained once more, I had just taken his pulse, and although is was running fast, he was still upright! She said she would check the records once more and get me online in about 15 minutes. The time was ticking away, and I was so scared my phone would conk out, and I'd have to phone back and explain the whole dang thing over again. But, fortunately, she came back on time, and apologized profusely at their error. My consultation prize was they would credit my account for 1.75 cents for the amount of time they had disconnected us. Oy!

I should have asked her, why would a dead woman want to breast feed a laptop? But I realized she doesn't read my blog. Maybe I should have asked her to come to my Laptop shower when I am due, but of course if she thought I was dead, why bother.

If I hadn't been reconnected, Delilah would just be another homeless laptop without an internet connection. Boring. Yes, she could have done some word processing, some (yawn) Excel spreadsheets, and some Quicken bookkeeping (yawn, yawn). Yes, she could do some photoshopping etc, but without the internet who would see the pictures? She would have never experienced the internet with email, Yahoo, wireless connections, and having the whole world in her lap. It would be like having a dog and never taking it for a walk. No, I want more for her, all the things I never had as a child. I will spoil her rotten.

Phew, that was a close call.

Just a few pics I took today.

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My neighbours tree

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Butterfly light that lights up a night.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I am pregnant with a laptop, this makes me a real mommy blogger

I am preparing my lap, for my laptop. What! I hear you say, I don't have to put my laptop on my lap? Oh, yes I do. I have wished upon a star for a laptop for many a moon, and I'm going keep it in my lap where I can see it at all times. It will never leave me. I will breast feed it. At night, I will put it in a little baby laptop crib right beside my bed. We will bond.

I have been having some morning sickness, and I have not even had laptop sex yet. I am in the process of conceiving. I guess my hormones are getting out of hand. I don't know who will be the "daddy".. but I'm pretty sure his name will be Dell. And if it is, I will name her Delilah..why, why, Delilah..that was just a Tom Jones fart. Nevermind.

I never knew it would be so tough to be a first time mom. There are things to think about that had never occured to me before. My desktop is a loner, she stays put and never cries at night. She does not long for the lap! So, I have this whole other kettle of fish to fry now. I'm thinking of a laptop swing? A frontal laptop carrier for when we go shopping, a changing table, when she needs her software changed, antibotics when she gets a virus, a carrying case to take her to the doctor, not to speak of a car seat!! Jeez who knew this was going to be so hard. And another thing, the dog will be jealous of her. I have to make sure I give them equal attention, while I caress Delilah...

Okay, then there is the day care issue. I cannot take Deliah to work. Our computers are on a network and frown upon laplubbers. Those who have tried to bring one in, failed, because once they plugged it in....the network went down. They don't like them any upstart's. Nope. And if they can't get the network to go down, they wipe out the printer. Then if you get the printer's going, they wipe out the fax machine.'t.mess.with.them. They own us. BIG TIME.

Once Purolator delivers her. I don't know which way to go .. do I have a C section in the back of the truck, or do I invite him in my house and deliver her here? I think I will have her delivered to the house. Then, when I sign her over to me, all I have to do is pry the packing slip off of her face, and she is all mine.

Mat I come!! I read a lot of mom blogs and am very aware of how the first years of a young one progresses. I am assured, that she will be peaceful and sleep a lot the first year, but heaven help me with the "terrible two's." So, I am prepared for the fact that her technology will be getting a little old by then, and when I give her "time outs" but it won't be her fault if she is giving me crap. Her hard drive will be slowing down. But, with our new technology all we have to do is insert another one and give her a booster shot. I'm sure after she has had all her shots, we will grow old together. My, my Delilah.

Monday, October 02, 2006

a few pic's

I know they are screwing up my blog, I will take it down, but just wanted to show the flowers and the cake. I don't know why they got so big.. I will be calling for bloggers resignation if they can't do better than this. But, for some reason I think it's at my end.....but it's easier to blame them smart google guys, who, by the way did not wish me Happy Birthday. God...all the traffic my blog has generated must of made them millionaires by now. I just don't understand.

Oops, just got them smaller, but they look strange.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sunday, October 01, 2006

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to..

You would cry too if "61" happened to you!! ..I spent all day helping finish the patio...I know I said I would never talk about it again..but "F" I cannot believe the crap that we lifted today. I'm the hunchback of Peacock Place.

Ahhh, 61 was a piece of cake, and yes there was cake involved. Once the landmark year is over the rest just keep on rolling along.

My "Attitude Adjustment" crew was over again on our regular Saturday night "piss up" oops, I meant prayer meeting. I was overwhelmed with my two girlfriends gifts and cake and well wishing and all dat stuff. The guys (hubby and BIL) came back from their weekly motorcycle ride, and we had ourselves a partay!!

Hippy Chick, gave me beautiful roses, and made the unbelievably good...Carrot cake with cream cheese icing, that I had wished for. You can see that in the pictures, hmm providing it will come up once I request one stinkly little favour from Blogger...Let's just see! ...before I call them dipshits.

I tried uploading from blogger and photobucket..blogger didn't work..and photobucket made them too big.....I just give up already.

SIL Sheila, gave me four huge Rum & Coke glasses..with handles!! (and they are a greenish colour like the old coke bottles.) I love them a lot. One should always have a handle on a glass of rum and coke, so when you hit the ground, just won't spill it.

The flowers on the cake were real, she had just picked them from her flower garden. But we didn't eat them. This was before the wine, and common sense still prevailed.
SIL Sheila's card read: The one on the right with a pic of a dog on it...

My Dog Saw You Naked

He says your birthday suit need ironing!!

I put a few chocolate shavings of Exlax in her cake. Run ...Sheila Run.

Just an aside. When hippychick arrived, she noticed I had taken the microwave out of the bedroom and put in on the counter in the kitchen. I struggled all day trying to find a place to fit it in. It was obvious to me that the old piece of crap was going to stay on top of the Jen Air...blinking helplessly, for years to come. So, then while she was in the kitchen and about to come onto the deck where I was sitting, she yelled " Joan, why did you put the microwave in the kitchen?" I yelled back, "because I was tired of doing it in the bedroom."...I never gave a second thought of what I said until I saw my neighbour right across the fence, who had just come out her patio door..standing still with her mouth open! and looking in our direction ... she was shocked. Fertheloveofamicrowave!! I was shocked too, because that is not what I meant, I meant I was tired of MICROWAVING in the bedroom.. We laughed our asses off at that all night. You should have seen her face!! Then, after I realized what she might be thinking, I yelled back in the house.."ummm that sounded dirty"!

Okay, the nights not over yet. It was getting cool, so we went into the kitchen. There we partook of some more wine and rums and coke, and I opened all my prezzies, and then we had cake.

After cake, my BIL said to Gord, "how long are you going to keep that old microwave sitting on top of the Jenn air? It doesn't work. It looks like shit. What is your problem?". Gord, just shrugged his shoulders, because he is in love with it. He loves pressing her pads. Ron BIL, said, Joan, "give me a screwdriver I'm taking this thing off of here right now, it's my birthday present to you!" YAAAAAAAAAAAH... so of course Gord was outnumbered, as my girlfriends were cheering Ron along. Ten minutes later we got that ugly head off my Jenn Air. R2D2 is dead. But, they put the unit on my deck. It still lives...and I might just see Gord sneaking out at night trying to press her pads.

My kitchen looks so big now, without the big head.

Okay..another good thing.. a prezzie from Gord.

Guess what it is?

New Microwave..noooo

Guess again.

A personal heart Defibulator...close..

It was ...a ...drum roll......................................


I am over the moon people..right over it, I don't even care that my sofa is 25 years old and my clothes come from value village..only by choice mind you...but this is the very best. Dell....look out.

I might even touch some of his "pads" tonight..heh..

Sunday night supper:

Sweet and Sour Baybee Back Ribs
Rice (with SS sauce)
Nice salad.

AND..cake. I still have half a cake left from yesterday.

Not so good news: My family forgot my Bday:(...but's that's okay Gord's family is more like my own anyway, they all remembered I am ready to accept that. More than ever. More on that at another date.

I'm eating cake as we speak, most of it is on the the floor, and on my keyboard fercryingoutloud, and my feet are sticking to the floor.....but nevermind the dog is here and has cleaned up the mess, and is now licking the cream cheese icing off me tickles~~

On to 62.