Thursday, December 31, 2009
Waaaaaay back when the earth was still green. I never meant this to be diary of sorts...nor do I have Children to look at it for posterity. I just like to write. Put what ever is on my mind on the screen, and type out the shit that flows through that. And most of it is bullshit. heh.
Tomorrow, I am going through the achieves and find ....what I think is the best blog in each of those five years. So, be prepared for the links. If you need a nap in between them I will understand.
We are still in crisis mode here. Our WATERBED has sprung a leak. Those damn kids jumped on the bed at Christmas...and now it's leaking. Well, that is not the real story..about two weeks ago Gord jumped out of the bed in the middle of the night ...like his hair was on fire and woke me up and said I think I pissed the bed! I don't know why, but some reason we never suspected the bed. IT'S A WATERBED. Oy. At our age we might be pissing the bed..who knows. I don't have the old age manual.
Dumb. But we never saw anything until after Christmas...when Gord once again jumped out of the bed and thought he pissed himself. Then we had a clue.... Clue and Clueless then came to a decision that there was a hole in their waterbed. Children of the sixties... scary. You never know when you are getting a flash backs.
We put a patch on it this afternoon. It's only time that will tell if it works. We may not be sleeping in the same bed tonight in 2010. He, on the sofa and me in the backseat of my truck. Bastard.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL AND THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY B.S.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Nevermind...I was tired to the bone but determined to write a post. Not such a good idea.
I slept until 10:30 this morning. I was pooped. After a few cups of coffee I got my mojo working again. I cleaned up the house. Lined up all the left overs in the fridge (from Christmas dinner) and shot them. After having two big dinners, one at my brother's on Christmas day and one at our house on the 26th. nothing in the fridge looked like something I would like to eat. Gord, on the other hand wants to eat nothing but those doughy dinner rolls that were left over. We have 12 more to go. He will wind up looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
We had a great time at my brothers house. Mind you, it was storming all day and I knew the roads were going to be shit. And they were. My niece totalled her car on the way to her boyfriends parent's house earlier in the morning...but fortunately she was not hurt.
Over there we had a traditional Ukrainian Christmas meal. Along with SIL's sister, husband and family. There was a lot of people and perogies. Ukrainians talk really loud so it was hard to be heard in any conversation. But, I'm pretty sure I yelled right over them. The food was fabulous. Especially a rolled crepe filled with cottage cheese, then covered with whipping cream, and baked. OMG
They took a family picture and for some reason I look like a stunned serial killer. Someone should have told me turn my frown upside down.
The guy lit up on the left is married to the blond in front of the Christmas tree....he just came in to have a fast meal, because he is a cop and didn't have time to take off his jacket because he was on a break. My brother took this picture so he isn't in it...damn. I'm the asshole on the right with my hands in my pockets. Gord of course is the guy with the Santa hat..in red..in the middle with his favorite niece Lisa. The badge on his hat reads " forget the bullshit..what's the discount?" I am sure he was wearing that when he bought my ring..heh. My other niece Cheri is the blond cutie on the top left with her boyfriend Shane. The rest are SIL's family along with the cop. SIL is the one sitting beside me.
The second day of Christmas: The Lutherans came over.
My favourite person was in attendance.. Gord's Tanta Tina...94 years old and is still drinking me under the table. Lot's of fun. Plus lot's of youngins.
I hid 35 pretend chocolate dollar coins all over the basement for the kids to find. I took them forever. So, that was good. My SIL and my nephews wife brought food so I didn't have much to do other than make the turkey and I still made too much crap. I forgot the dressing in the fridge I had made earlier.....and I got the "Joan..you are getting on in years look." Fuck that. You Lutheran's try getting a big dinner together...and then we will talk.
The 5 kids can't wait to get into my water bed. They love it. And I aways remind them..NO JUMPING! So every time I looked in the bedroom, two of the older one's were gently rocking the bed while the younger one's were sprawled out in the bed loving the rocking. The cousins love each other so much, it's so good to see. Usually kids fight...but not these girls. Probably because there isn't any males cousins in the family. I bet if there was a boy cousin, some shit would be happening. As it stands I think we have 5 lesbians. At least this way we can preserve the family name.
Well that's all I got for tonight.
Remember what I said about ...no jumping on the water bed to the girls...well there is more to that story, but that will be left for another "wet" day.
balonie..over and out.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I lost the diamond on my engagement ring earlier this year, and he was like.." it was old"... and who cares. So I went to Walmart and bought myself a Cubic Zirconia for 20.00 bucks, because my original wedding band split in half about two years ago, and I was ringless. And I just hated it when guys kept hitting on me and thought I was single. It's tuff being a couger.
But you have to hear the story.
We have friends that lived beside years ago in our old house. They moved away 25 years ago, and we have kept up a tradition of sending out newsletters to each other and calling on Christmas eve.
First, to explain... In my newsletters I always complained that Gord bought me crap for Christmas, and usually it was Turkey Roaster, heated car seats, and yes, he did buy a lot of computer shit I wanted...but nothing personal..ever. Tunney, our friend, always gives his wife really cool stuff, so I was always jealous.. It was on going joke over the years.
So, this year when I wrote our newsletter, I told them I had lost my diamond in my engagement ring and wished for a replacement. And then joked around...saying..yeah rite...I'm only going to get a George Foreman grill.
They called us early on Christmas eve because they had to go to their son's house, and we weren't at home, so they left a message. In that message, Tunney joked around and said "Gord for God's sake get your wife a diamond ring"!
What I haven't told you yet, is that Gord never saw the newsletter I sent to Tunney and his wife.
When Gord got home later in the evening I told him Tunney had left a message on the answering machine. Gord was sitting in his recliner in front to the TV having a drink and I handed him the phone and he was listening to the message...and I was in the kitchen getting supper going. He listened to the message...and he turned kind of silent after that...and asked why Tunney was asking about a diamond ring....and I told him what I had said that in the newsletter as a joke as I do every year. His wife always gets bling...I get blong. Gord looked a little confused. But I really didn't notice it too much. He just kept on asking me what I wanted for Christmas....and all I could muster up was one of those digital picture frames....which....ummm I didn't really want. I have everything I need.
Christmas morning ...after we got up....we went downstairs...with our coffee's and a very excited dog who knows it is Christmas morning...and who has been seated beside her Christmas stocking for two weeks and has to be carried manually up the stairs to go to bed.
Gord opened the boring presents I got him, the dog pissed her pants with the turtle that had two balls inside it's shell which she had to break out. Then it was my turn. He kept on asking me what I thought it was. I had no clue. It wasn't the picture frame...because it was too small. And it was soft. We did the guessing game for two seconds, before I ripped it open. The box was stuffed with "my towels" that I never saw went missing. And at the bottom of it was a little box.
I didn't even get it then.
I opened it..and then there was another box..a jewellery type box...in my head I was going WTF... and when I opened that one...I lost it. I started to cry...balonie doesn't do crying... too much. It's the ring I would have picked... I love wide bands, I love white gold..
Plus he gave me a Wacom pen for Scrapbooking......oy...I think he still likes me.
I never thought he would have cared about my sadness when I lost the diamond to my engagement ring. This ring will do double duty for both rings..engagement and wedding ring. I'ts such a nice wide band. I'm not a person who wears jewellery so it's all good.
So that's my story.
Tomorrow I will regale you with the Christmas tales at my brother's home, and Christmas with the Lutheran's we had here yesterday. I have the next week off, so I got a lot tales to tell.
Monday, December 21, 2009
I tried a night pic..failed.....carry on.
Talk about twisted.... My tree top. With some shiny gold wheat... I loved the look. My Angel got tired of me a few years back and flew away. It might have been all the swearing I did when I put the lights on. She just took off with a letter of resignation.
So, there you have it. Christmas at the Twisted!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
We had our company Christmas party yesterday, kinda bittersweet knowing you won't be there next year. I made sure I didn't have more than a few glasses of wine because I was afraid I would start shooting my mouth off....and I don't need that right now.
I got all my Christmas shopping done! Plus I bought myself the best ever coat. Well, it's not really a coat .. coat. It's a jacket coat. Mid length I guess is what I'm trying to say. It is a "Joan" coat. Yes it has a hood. Everything I have has a hood. I even have hooded scarves. I can't find p.j's with a hood. I hate that. But this coat is everything I have been looking for years. It's black, it's suede..ish soft, it has a hood with fat fur trim, it has a belted back, and it has fur cuffs on the sleeves. Think Dr. Zhivago. It's sort of A- line and makes me look like I have a waist. I almost typed waste. Freudian slip. It' s just damn cute.
shhhhh ... nobody type too loudly in your comments...Gord is sleeping on his recliner...the dog is sleeping on the sofa.. and I have the "fireplace channel on." Yes ... it has logs burning and Christmas carols playing. Normally we would be downstairs but I changed up the fireplace this year with candles instead of a fire going.. Why...you ask? Because Gord and I have this thing about fires in the fireplace. We haven't been burning wood for a long time, and have been using the phoney logs. You know the one's ..filled with wax and bird droppings... and you can get them at Costco for 5.00 bucks.
When my... or his family comes over at Christmas....and because I am busy cooking I give him the job to look after the fire. That decision has cost us a lot of waxing fumes wafting throughout the house. For some reason when I tell him, you have to let the first log to peeeeter out, and then throw on the next log... BEFORE YOU FUCKING BURN THE HOUSE DOWN WITH THE OTHER TWO YOU HAVE THROWN ON . I have been pretty clear about this for about 10 years...and nothing has changed.
When all the kids grow up they will always remember the smell of wax in our house. Just like turkey... would be to normal people. They will remember those two old farts alway's arguing about the fireplace. "Remember the time Auntie Joanie... yelled WTF are you doing..to Uncle Gordon when he was stoking a fire as big as a bonfire in their house." What a legacy we leave to these children! We are assholes....but the kids seem to like us anyway.
I just got two calls, SIL is bringing the mashed potato casserole, plus her mom's fruit salad...I love her mom's salad. My niece is bringing a Flan for dessert.... I love flans.....So yay...It's just me and the turkey... veggies, ham, dressing..and all the rest of the shit....
I can't wait.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The ball was in his court.
In his monotone voice, he agreed and rambled on for ten minutes telling me how great I am, and what a good employee I am (was), and tried to schmooze me. And then he told me that I will be paid for two months salary after they let me go as is the company policy. Then he said that I would probably be let go at the end of February.
I told him I was not happy with that. Because my boss told me I would be let go at the end of April... and I have everything set up to go from that date forward. With my pension plans etc. He almost jumped off his chair..I guess my boss didn't tell him that.
Then,in his monotone voice....he said " no problem Joan" ...we are here to help you through this blah blah da blah
Fuck off you are. I said in my head.
I already knew he was looking for February. Anyway, that's the end of it.
So that's where this pile of bullshit lays...in my flower bed where new flowers will florish next spring and I will have the time to take care of them.
Let's get it on. I'm ready.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I really have faith that they will not screw me around. I really do.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
HO HO HO....look who dropped down the chimney a little early. Santa Baby. Angel man has met his match. I'm kinda in love with him.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
I have this thing about facebook. It's bugging the crap outta me. In order not to sound like a complaining old fart I should just say most of the people on my facebook are much younger than me, mostly nieces, nephews, cousins, friends and friends of friends...etc. Lot's of youngins and some blogger friends. It's a match made in hell.
Most of my friends..my age (including youse guys) manage to say, what you what to say in a sentence or two. It is perfectly clear. eg. "I went to the mall today again and had sex with one of the security guards." Remember the cute guy I was talking about?" Then later we had lunch. Hey, I can understand that. I remember the guy you talked about, and I now know you had sex with him. Done.
But, that is not how it works out in my face book. Kids! They talk in "text." They assume you know ..what the freaking hell they are talking about.
I will give you a few examples: I am changing the names.
Liza: 30 more days!
Huhhh... thirty more days to what? How do you comment on shit like that?
Joan: Until you next period?
Liza: No, until Christmas you idiot.
Well, hells bells, why didn't I think of that! Like help me out here. What is this shit, a big freaking guessing game.
Bear: 3 more days!
Joan: Is your insurance going to expire? Three days..what in the hell are you talking about? She left me guessing even though I asked. I later found out she went to Cancun. This is my niece. ahem.
And those that just say..I just ate an apple. What!!
Joan: check you stool in the morning to make sure it digested properly... I didn't really need to know that...
Or: I just got a haircut.
Joan: Okay, did you like it?
OY..for God's sake finish the sentence....Please...take it to the next level.
My next Facebook entry will be:
I just took a dump.
I will not reveal the outcome.
Because no one gives a shit!
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
It's so pretty. One of my favourites.
The temperatures in my part of the world have fallen ... like a rock. I can't believe I was outside in a summer jacket about a week ago....and this week my ass froze to the picnic table while I was playing with Penny. BTW, every evening after work I throw the ball from the picnic table and she fetches it and brings it back. Then she eats her supper (kibble) on the picnic table. She love's eating outside. And then we cuddle for awhile and play again. While I look at my watch.....okay then playtime is over...I tell her to get that ball back in the house, and she does. She runs up the handicapped ramp we made for her condition...back on to the deck and in the house.
Now I have to get her to figure out the inside playtime routine in the house. She has been good, we just have do a winter version of it. I throw the ball down into the living room...which is in the lower level...I do this.. maybe once... because of her condition...and then hide the ball upstairs .....fifty fucking times. She never gets tired of finding the ball. I can hide that squeaky ball in the same place 50 times and when she finds it...it's as surprising and as it was in the first place. It never gets old. She is a hunter....and when she finds it ...she comes out strutting with it..and chews on the squeaky ball and makes it sing. She can make it sing, and it sounds like VICTORY. Man I love that little bitch.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Well, I hate that. I have enough decorations for both the front and back of the tree. But I don't want to. That means decorating the tree before you put it in it's place....and then moving it back...very gently into it's corner. It's always gets fucked up. What you imagined is the front of the tree, now is the side of the tree by the time you wiggle it back into the corner. And then "It's on." Pushing, twisting, shit falling off the tree on your head....oy.
Last Christmas was long time ago. I could not figure out how to plug all the lights together on my PRELIT Christmas tree. I think I have a hernia. I was on the floor looking for all those little plugs that plug together into the big plug. I had a few woodstock moments. I found three, and plugged them all into the Big Momma plug...yet the bottom lights were not lit. ...as I was writhing on the floor under the tree searching for that elusive plug... while there, I found spider webs on the bottom window sills...with dead flys in them. I found the plug at long last. My head was full of spider webs.
Apparently this is a room I have not been paying too much attention to during the summer. We never live there. So.... I tried to get up. I had been down there on my back and knees for about 20 minutes. I was stiff...and couldn't find anything to hold on to prop myself up with. I could see my dog sitting on the upper level of the house watching me flail like a fish out of water.....her ears all perked up....ready for the kill....heh...just kidding...she would have tried to help me if I would have strapped on her doggie cell phone and got her to dial woof 911.
I bummed my way to the sofa ...and propped myself up...and finally got up. Then I looked behind the sofa...well holy moly ... more spider webs.... I got out my vac and cleaned all that shit out. I need to retire and clean my house. If I let it go it could be considered as a part of the world wide "web."
I made my world wide famous Mac and Cheese casserole tonight.....eat your hearts out... so good.
I bid you farewell.... dessert is coming...
Friday, December 04, 2009
One hundred and forty six sleeps until I retire. one.hundred.and.forty.six days until I can wear my PJ's all day if I want to. Gord of course will never retire...it's not in his genes. His dad worked until the day he died, and his older brother still works at the age of 67 because he loves what he does. So, that makes me feel like a bit of a slacker....and I know I will feel the need to do something else. But that something else will be what I want it to be.
I have a few irons in the fire for some type of business which may or may not pan out... a girl can try. If not...screw it, I'll put my PJ's back on. I am getting very excited about this "not working shit"...so I took a day off work this week, because ..hey I needed a mental health day....I never do shit like that, but I see more of them in my future before they kick my ass out the door. 14 years of my life I gave to them, and they just couldn't see me through to my 65th birthday and into my Canada Pension. I am pissed and I am also happy...I don't know which way to smile. Turn my bum sideways...
I will meet with the big wigs in the first week of January to see what they are going to offer me for a compensation package. Like I have choice...we don't have anything written in stone for that kind of thing. But, I have a few things I will bring to the table that might make them take notice.
I have nothing to loose anymore.
balonie...is a little upset with all this shit and wishes it was over and done with.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Give me a day or two..... whether the snow comes or not...I'm going to take a picture of it. Gord's is really ...umm should we say booooring.....but hey....even if you vote for him...I win ... because I helped him..yup. I'm a beotch. I guess we all knew this.