Thursday, October 29, 2009


We had a good anniversary/birthday yesterday.

I got Gord a set of wrenches for his birthday...I did. They were black. He loves black. But apparently he has so many wrenches he is starting to shoot them out his ass. He thanked me very kindly for the black wrenches. You see in our new house he will have a new shop with black and silver huge tool boxes, and I thought black wrenches would look cool. Black is the new black. I was wrong. So, I will lug the huge mess of wrenches back to Canadian Tire tomorrow and take them back. I never know what to get a guy who has every tool God invented.

We have had a long standing love for a song by Willie Nelson. It all started off very innocently 20 years ago or so. I'm not much of a country music fan, but I heard Willie sing "You are Always on my mind" way back when...and I bought the "record" not the "tape"...or "CD" ... the drop dead record with a nice jacket on it.

I remember when he got home that night and I played it for him.

It was a Friday night...and I was feeling my oats...or wine.

He really liked the song. We were sitting in the kitchen when I asked him if he wanted to DANCE. He looked very surprised. He cleared his throat a few times, looked a little uncomfortable and said..."in the house?" Apparently Lutherans don't dance in their own homes. Lutherans only dance in specified locations like at wedding receptions in the back woods of Southern Manitoba.

He didn't dance with me that day. But ever since that this has been a standing joke between us. Whenever we hear the song at home, I will ask him to dance.... and he won't.

Yesterday, I bought him a card for his 65th. birthday. It's one of those cards that play a song. And guess what it played? ....and yes, he got up and took me in his arms and danced with me.

Mind you, it was the short version, but we did dance. Now all my dreams have come true. We did the Willie dance in the kitchen.

It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

Then we had Cherry Pie....that is almost better than dancing.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I am a pain in the neck

Oh, nevermind you knew that.

I woke up Saturday morning with a shooting pain from my shoulder to the back of my head at every two or three minute intervals.

On Friday night I knew I was soooo tired and could barely get to bed fast enough after we watched the late news etc. On Saturday when I woke up, I don't think I ever shifted a position during the night. I was all crunched up. My head was at a odd angle, and when I woke up...ouchie's.... owww. I took a few Tylenol, but still I had that stupid little pain going right from my shoulder up into my eyeball and whipping off the top of my head. It feels like a nerve has shorted out or something. Damn it is annoying.

I'm off to take care of the pain. Wine.
No more whining.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

That template is history...

I still have a little work to do on this old one. Nevermind.

Things that are happening in my life:

I have a umm a boil in my nether region. I don't know the technical term, but I sure hope it pops soon it's hard to sit some days.

I found a tick behind Penny's ear tonight....IN OCTOBER? yikes I sort of paniced but took a yank at it and thew it in my chicken coop. Oh, I forgot I don't have's been that kind of night.

Last night I dreamt we had a chicken coop in the back of our new house. I have been reading this blog too long. One of my favourites.

I have a cold and am trying to muster my mustard up. I think I can muster my busterfricking mustardup. I may have a fever...ignore anything else I may write.

Umm.. I not quite finished.

We are having soup for supper....and if you would hear these words coming from my mouth, you would hear...wa r aving oup fr upper. I played it for awhile...because, let's face it.. it just a little cough...Then Gord, took his handy dandy mental bat and beat the cold right out of me.

Damit...I can't get any sympathy.

I'm feeling better already. I just wanted to take a day off work ...

I'm going to have to take acting lessons. Fuck

Monday, October 19, 2009

You guys slay me.taking the comment home

judemiller1 said...
on second look--if "he" lies to the left, I might be near his junk. Like the cartoon though.Oh Canada, Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command. Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee.That's all I know of the anthem. My son, a huge hockey fan (and player) wanted to learn the lyrics once when he was about 12, so we learned them and used to sing them a lot, but i've forgotten most of them. Sorry--I guess we belong in the pants of Canada.

I might be near his "junk"...god I almost fell to my knees........HAAAaaaha. Thanks for getting the anthem pretty dead on.

Sally said...
You must be SO excited about the new house; I know I would be!!Sorry you have a cold; that's SO miserable.Take care of yourself, Joan. :)It'a always nice to see you've poster.
Thanks Sally, it's going to be a stressful and happy time...I hope. If not, I will have to hit my husband with a hammer. It was his idea.

Brenda said...
Oh man, I'm in the crotch area. I sure hope he don't have cooties. :-) I'm so excited for you about the new house plans! I know you and Gord are looking forward to getting it going.

Scroll down to Donna's comment, she doesn't think you know where you live in the pants? Okay you two ...who is right?

Poolie said...

I live on the right thigh. Thank goodness I am in the ball-less zone! I added you to my new site, lady.

Thanks Poolie, I went over there and left goose droppings.

Donna said...
Well if Miz Brenda lives in the crotch area, I guess I live in Mexico...thank goodness!HahaaHappy for you about the house planning Joan! It'll be Fun!Get to feeling better!!!hughugs

I'm feeling you think Brenda doesn't live in the "crotch area"....Brenda..what say you? Girl's don't go fighting who lives is what part of the "pants"...
Just be glad you have Canada on top of your pants. Because it gets a little cold here in winter. I sort of live in the belly button area. Sometimes it gets so cold we wear heated underpants, and we plug them into a outside electrical outlet with an extension cord when we go out. However, this makes it difficult to get from one place to the other, because most extension cords are only about 40 feet long. Needless to say, we don't get out of the igloo too much. Yeah. I think I feel my nose growing.
You girls are the best...thanks for always dropping in.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Just doing what I do

I was just in from sitting out at the picnic table with my Penny..watching the geese migrate overhead to the South. I was alarmed because they were out of order...Some did not even resemble a "V." I think they were eating some controlled subtances. Mary Jane. Or should we keep this blog gender neutral..Mary John.

One flock in particular, flew over and sounded a little terrified. There was a whole lot of honking going on. And about a minute later there was a little goose who was coming up the rear, crying because he couldn't keep up. Normally the geese sound like: HEE HAW, HEE HAW. These hippy drug induced geese were going HAW HEE, HAW HEE. Plus I think they were trying to loose the little guy. Bastards. It's not funny.

5 minutes later, the same flock came over. Well I'm not entirely sure it was the same flock, because there were tons of them, but it looked like they circled my house and came back the other way....with the same little guy behind them again. I think that would be a lot of trouble to go though to ditch a goose. High school mentality maybe. He probably squealed on the head goose for goosing another goose. I know they mate for life, but what says they don't try to get a little on the side? I was going to google "goose" today, but I really like my version, and I hate it when they tell me I am wrong. Out of sight, out of mind. I like to stay stupid.

I had had a busy weekend. A very nice weekend actually. Lot's of people dropping in and calling. Hippy Chick came in from the farm with the latest drawings of the new house. She came over for AA hour last night for a bit, just to drop them off, and let us go over them. She came to town to go to the opera, so it was good timing. She came back this morning and we had coffee and brunch and went through them step by step. I am totally in love with it.

These are the final (sort of)drawings, and I can now envision what it is going to look like. I have such a difficult time imagining rooms on paper. I can now see the elevations and stuff and see how my front porch will look like and the roof lines. She has a few more things to go over before we get it finalized and we can bring it to those that have to give us the kitchen, baths, doors, windows, heating A/C fireplaces. flooring's etc. Things we have to know before we get a contractor involved. So that will be our homework assignment this winter.

So, this means I will have to get my head out of my ass and try to makes decisions..oy.


I have a cold. Swine flu came to mind immediately. But so far I don't think I have killed a pig with my germs....or ummm or how does this work? As I said before I'm not about to google it because I like staying in the dark. There is just WAY to much information out there for me to process. So, I won't sneeze in front of a pig. If I do, I will bend my head into the crook of my arm and hork on big fat booger on it. Because, I'm all about saving the pigs.

I will however have the flu shot, because I loves me a pork roast.

A friend on facebook FROM CANADA sent me this pic. I thought it was so's for all you


I want to know who lives in the crotch area? We are the guys who live UPSTAIRS. I need to know who of you in the "Penis Part" of the good ole USA. I noticed you have "no balls." ...but to be fair they may have been tucked in the pants as well.

Keep waving the flag. I think the pants are a little too tight however, the drawer or drawest of this might just have a little game going on in their heads. And made your Kingdom look a tad smaller than it is.

OH Canada..

Have a good week, I will try to post more often...but I gotta a lotta shit going on.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

to post or not to post..ahhh

Okay, as long as I am here.

I have something niggling in the back of my mind. Just a niggle.

I don't usually post about my work, because I'm not sure who is reading it. But I am sure after all these years on line they probably would have got bored and went to greener pastures. And, if not, this is what is on my mind.

Our company is moving...just down the street mind you, not far away. We are going to rent a 5,000 sq. ft. building that is being built especially for us.

On Friday my boss informed me that a "new girl" would be starting on Monday (today) and she was going to co-ordinate the move. Meaning we will need to do a lot of stuff with the phones, new furniture, blah blah blah...all the shit the needs to be done to make a smooth transition. Also she would be available to help around the office if need be. "Bells started to ring in my head"....opp's is this my successor? After all I am 64 years old and she is about 9. And very pretty and smart. Plus she has ties with his family. I think I am doomed.

On my birthday last week he was kidding me about being ahem..old...and he went on to ask what my plans were after I reached 65. You know 65..the year you are supposed to spend your winters in Arizona and your summers in your motor home travelling throughout the US, and parking in trailer parks with ole folks of the same ilk. Playing horse shoes? I said I wasn't there yet, and probably would make a decision on that when I felt I needed to.

So, I don't know. I don't feel comfortable. At all.

I have been in this situation once before where family members and friends needed a job and I was the victim and let go. But, I am hoping this won't be the case. I have been there for 13 years.

I really was going to retire next year, but just didn't want to make the commitment just yet. Because I don't get retirement.

I don't get it at all. It all seems so final. I don't want to sit and crochet in front of the TV and chase kids off my front lawn. I don't want to motor home (ever).

I should have called this the "Old Farts Lament"......

How do you get older but feel the same as you did when you were 20? Nothing really changes except the hormones, plus you are a whole lot wiser. But you are still who you were and are....that never changes..but your body does, and people can't see beyond that . They think in numbers...numbers is the key. We all have been taught to think in numbers.. like "how old is that bread on the shelf? much do I weigh? How much money do I make? What day is it? When is my Mastercard payment due?...........numbers. And as we age...we are seen as numbers, by the well deserved lines on our faces. I would appreciate not being called a senior citizen. First I was called a teenager, then I was called a newly wed, then I was called someone who was in mid life, after that I was a baby boomer, then I was called someone who was approaching her golden years and now a fucking senior citizen. Good Grief. Stop with the labels... My name is Joan for shit's sake. Can you see me?

But guess what...I have a whole lotta shit left in me. I gotta whole lot of life left in me..

And that girl ain't taking my job. Like I said it was just a "niggle" but if niggle comes to shove ..someone should take cover. I still have some ammo in my pants.

I have probably over reacted to the grey hair I found in my eyebrow. Who knew your eyebrows got grey?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

It's Thanksgiving week end in these parts

Even though I won't be stuffing my face with turkey and all the trimmings, I will be giving thanks.

Thanks for our good health (so far)
Thanks for no one asking me to make Thanksgiving dinner
Thanks for all the snow that fell on Friday, yeah thank you very much
Thanks for ground beef so we could have meatloaf for supper
Thanks to meatloaf I will have heartburn tonight.
Thanks to my husband who picked up light bulbs at Canadian Tire for me today
or we would be in the dark. Darker than usual.
Thanks for the gas in my SUV..and thanks for the guy who helped me take off the cap at Superstore.
Thanks for computers
What would I do without the tiny frame of time I have between 7:00 & 8:00PM every night to terrorize my friends on face book and still write a post on my blog.
Okay people I'm pretty well done...without getting all know.. mushy.
So screw this.
Most of the snow is all gone. I spent most of the day cleaning up the back 40. Stupid squirrels were everywhere trying to find where they left their nuts and shit. Give me a break...yes we did have a good amount of snow..which is now gone, but if they couldn't find where they hid there food now in the hell are they going to find it when it's forty below? I actually had to point it out to some of them. ...look...asshole, hang a right, then a little to left is the peanut you were looking for. Or it might have been a dog turd. Perhaps that is why he was not moving in that direction.
It's so sad to see. One day all your plants are blooming their asses off, and the next morning, they are hanging off the planters like wilted lettuce. The frost takes the juices right out of them and their colours leak on to the deck. Especially my begonias. They look so damn sad. It's like someone really killed them and their the blood was flowing from a wound. Their once juicy bodies lay there slumped over the pot.
Yes I was sad. I buried them.
I have a lot of graves in the back 40.
I can smell the meatloaf... potatoes are boiling..and the broccoli is steaming... and with a little help from Campbell Soups...I'm going to do like my mom did...Drain the fat off the meatloaf, and pour over a can of soup. Mushroom & Onion Soup. Let it bake awhile. And dig in.
I give thanks to my mom who loved to cook, and made the the best Mennonite dishes ever...and buns which I can't replicate.
But in that time period she found Campbell soups....and the Mennonite way of cooking changed forever.
Of course, not forever. But our diets varied from farmers sausage, homemade noodles and gravy, to ground beef with tomatoes and noodles. ahem..close to spaghetti .... It was insidious.
And when I turned 18 she made homemade pizza. The Mennonite food world changed forever.
But of course we always had the staples, borscht, verenki, fried potatoes with chow chow fried chicken, holpshi (cabbage rolls) etc.
I remember when she found a recipe for sweet and sour sauce and made ribs. OMG..they were good. And she made rice as a side dish....Mennonites didn't do rice in those days except when it was in rice soup. Heated milk, rice and Cinnamon. But she never made enough sauce and most of it was grease from the ribs...oh my, it was good.
So, yes I give thanks for the memories and spell check even though it didn't catch some of the stuff
And the life I have today.
I am truly thankfull.

Friday, October 09, 2009

There are no words it's October 9th.

I'm thinking this is a little hick up. I like how the flash got the snowflakes...they were huge..but not really that round.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Don't Boy Scout the Balonie

Two kids came to the door tonight and asked it they could rake our leaves.

How did they know, we (Gord) was about to turn 65 this year? Are people in the cul-de-sac messing with our heads? Sending little kids to help the elderly?

What's next? Bringing walkers to our door? Making casseroles? Offering to go shopping for us? Port a Potties in the front yard in case we don't make it in the house and shit ourselves?

I was a little skeptical. So, I asked them why they were doing this. Because .. nobody does anything for nothing these days. They said "we just wanted to help around the neighbourhood." Yeah rite.... I slammed the door in their cute little faces. Because only 1 percent of the leaves have dropped...and you will never see them again when it's all down...little do-gooders liars!!

Well, I didn't really slam the door in their faces, I told them to come back in three weeks and see how much they like us then. As it is now, there is only about one rake full of leaves that have dropped..and they are all gung ho! Because there is sweet shit all to do! But, I have to give it to them for trying to look good. Sly little stinkers.

You know I love my dear husband...who by the way is totally unaware of computers etc. He loves them as long as I do all the work, other than that...he still lives in a world without them.

This afternoon when we met for lunch at home we were watching some crap on TV and someone was secreting video taping someone else.... and he pipes up....oh yeah..."that guy will probably put that on face tube". Well I just about spewed my sandwich all over the table. Then I fell off my chair and started rolling on the floor laughing.. FACE TUBE...too frigging funny.

I'm still have little laughs coming up my belly when I think of it.

I guess he knows the lingo....but certainly does not have the concept.

I'm still laughing...and at his expense...sorry hon. YOU OLD FART.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

I went to 20 (count them) 20 show homes and damn near got trampled by assholes that were kicking tires.. okay I was kicking them a little bit too, but at least I have a reason. If I like a home, I may get the builder to build mine. Most of them were looking for decorating ideas for their reno's. Well fart.And they took their kids with them. There was sign up in each home that said..Children must the accompanied by a hand. That...did not happen. Those frickin rug rats were sitting in closests, in bathtubs, and one was even trying to get into a fridge. Oy.

Anyway, it was hard. I was disapointed...because they didn't look like homes. Some looked like warehouses, minimalistic style and grey..others were cheap looking, and most of them said the same thing....BORING. Let's beige and brown you to death...and make it look cold and uninviting as possible. I love beige's and browns and they can be very warm and comforting if used properly..especially with rust, green etc. but the was a shit show I tell ya.And every home was about 2 inches from the other. You could spit in the next door neighbours window if he had it open. But that wasn't my problem, we already have the land, but I can't understand why anyone would buy these homes. I was flabergasted. No character at all.

I walked in the cold all afternoon with my poor foot that is giving me some grief. I limped along for most of the day. I have to mention that all these houses are split levels (like the one I am trying to flee from) apparently it has come back into style. Only because if you build's cheaper. Plus your lot size in these communities are the size of an ant hill. That didn't happen in the house we live in now, because we have a huge lot but I guess it was the style in the 80's. And I thought it was cute when I was 40 and stupid. Okay? so shut up.

Okay, what I am trying to say in a long round about way, is that I fell down the stairs in one of these humongous homes. In front of a lot on monkey's.They make you take off your shoes when you enter. Hey, I'm all for that. I had my slip on sandals on...with socks because I knew I would have to take off my shoes. I must have climbed 3,567 sets of stairs this afternoon because hey's cheaper building up. OMG these houses are tall, and in every level is another set of stairs. And in some, you can go around and they have another set of stairs going back down to the same level, but at different locations in the house. It's stairy I tell you!

By house number 10 I was getting a little weary and my foot was hurting. And as I was going down a set of stairs to the landing of a house I tripped and started to fall...I grabbed on to the wall because there was no railing..then started my descent. When an angel appeared at the bottom of the staircase and grabbed me before I fell on my big fat face. She was a real angel. I thanked her so much, because I think I would have broken my leg if she wouldn't have been there to break my fall.I think all of this happened because I was not being honest. I was trying to take pic's of the interior of the homes, when the sign said I should NOT. A rule in some houses, and not in I just took the flash off my camera...and clicked away when the Realtor wasn't looking. BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ASSHOLES WHO DO NOT OBEY THE LAW.

Their asses get kicked down a flight of stairs. That's what.

But I don't think I have learned my lesson...because I'm going to do it again, only this time I will look for the Realtor first (and usually he is in the Show Home office eating donuts) and then snap away.

This is the pic I took by accident while I was trying to hide my camera as I was falling down a set of stairs.. I am such a fuckhead.