Friday, January 29, 2010
Has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Yup, shit happens. But I have never met a girl who is more enthusiastic to get her breasts lopped off and get on with her life. Go Kathy. Who needs them anyway... they are just two lumps made to attract the male species. Or feed your children...( sorry I almost forgot about that part because I don't have any.) Once you are over that hump, you may as well remove them. I think every woman should do that after the age of 40. Get those knockers knocked off. It would save me so much money at Safeway when they are asking for a 2.00 donation for breast cancer every dang day. I jest.
I remember 14 years ago or so when my "hippy chick" was diagnosed with breast cancer. She, being who she is (much like Kathy) took a different road. She rode the road she wanted to travel. When they took her breast and after she got out of the hospital...she made a statement. She wore no bra. She also wore hippy T shirts that showed that one of her girls were gone. She was so brave. And such a hippy chick. Eventually she got a prosthetic bra. Then as the years went on the bra kept on moving up an down and making her tits lopsided. She got pissed off and had reconstruction surgery. They took her belly and back fat and made her a new tit.
(Janis if you are reading this...correct me) because it's Friday and I'm drinking wine.)
So Kathy if you are reading this ....get some comfort because that bitch is still alive after all these years.....and she drew up the plans for out new house and is still kicking ass. I love her.
balonie......making pizza and hoping it doesn't taste like ass like last week.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Last year after looking after their house for two months, I put my foot down. I told Gord, this is enough! Gord was in agreement so we both put all four of our foots (feet)down. Well, you can see how long that lasted. Until they asked us again. And we said SURE NO PROBLEM! Glad to help a rich neighbour who can afford to go away for the winter to Palm Springs and mingle with the likes of Jerry Lewis and misc. dead movie stars.
So, as it stands now we are using those four feet we put down, to kick our asses. For two months we will ... on a consistent basis kick each others butt on the day we have to INSPECT the house, which will be three times a week.
On inspection day, Gord will open the door of the house, I will follow and kick him in the ass. On leaving the house Gord will follow me and kick me in the ass. Fair.
Saturday will be INSPECTION day, and I am getting prepared. I'm not looking forward to getting my ass kicked, so I have a plan. I found a little pillow, which I will name "my ass pillow" MAP for short that I can safely tuck under my pants. He, on the other hand is never prepared for anything, so I'm thinking I will come out the winner.
So, by the time they come home we should be dead. Or have giant hemorrhoids. Hey, it's all on them. They didn't know we couldn't say "NO"...and try to kick our asses to death.
So what I'm saying here is: Don't be afraid to say NO because if you don't, it might feel like a Toyota with major factory issues rammed up your ass. And there is no warranty for this. I suspect we will both be wearing our air bags on our hips...to collect all the fecal matter once this is all over.
Truly, "It's Always Something."
balonie..taking some time to do some butt exercises.
Monday, January 25, 2010
The radio stations were telling everyone to stay put, and not drive. Well "shit" I have lived here all my life and have gone to work in much worse conditions. Yes, the highways might be bad, but I only live 10 minutes from work. I'm going...because it's payroll Monday and my men need to get paid at the end of the week.
I put on my "big girl" boots, scarves, mittens and tucked in a flask of whiskey, should I get stranded. Okay, it was coffee. And went out the door. Ooops..... no step's, just snow banks.
The driveway was clear, but the way that ugly wind was blowing blew up all the snow up on our front stairs. I was up to over my knees when I finally got to my truck. Like I said the driveway was clear so I knew I could put it in 4 wheel drive to get off of it. And I did. But for some reason ... and I blame my husband of 90 years, he was using my truck to plow our office lots yesterday from another minor storm that came through... all the inside windows of the truck were coated with frost. I couldn't see a damn thing. I think he did too much heavy breathing in there. Or he's got a frosty chick on the side.
Okay, now it's 8:15, I have to be at work by 8:30. I sit and wait while the defrost action starts happening in the truck so I can see where in the hell I have to go.
By 8:45 I was getting pissed and started wiping all the inside windows with whatever I had at hand. My gloves, my hairbrush (yes I have one in the truck) and other junk. By then the frost was getting soft and I could do it with my fingernails. I have never encountered frost on the inside windows of the truck....Gord? Anyhow, to pass the time I drew little pictures on the windows with my fingernails. Stick ladies and stick men. Sometimes I made them do stuff. Like I said I was bored. heh Unfortunately, they were still "doing stuff" after the window dried up. You could see it!
Finally when I could see out all the windows, I put her in 4 wheel drive and left. It was pretty well a white out in the residential area, but when I got to the main road it was fine.
Then I got to work. Nobody was there. The parking lot was empty. I'm going WTF.... this was not a blizzard of momentous proportions, it was a "baby" storm. I realized most of our guys couldn't come in because they live in small communities on the outskirts of town....and the roads were closed....but where was the office manager? My boss is in Hawaii.
Apparently he lost his keys to his truck the night before. Okay. Like I'm buying that.We have a new office, with new security codes to get into it. I have never had a chance to use it until today. I punched it in. BEEEEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEpppppppppppppppp.
Apparently my successor ( the guy who is replacing me lives 50 f'n miles from the city and couldn't come in) who was supposed to put in the new security codes either sabotaged mine or fucked it up. All the alarms went off. It rang...and it rang. And then it rang some more. I really didn't give a shit, because I knew eventually they would quit ringing and someone from the security office would show up.
I was pissed off too. Because it's payroll Monday and no one had left their time sheet on my desk. I called head office and told them ....we have a problem here Houston....all our guys are snowed in.
Then, I got an ear full from head office saying....your guys should be emailing in their time sheets because we need it right the fuck now....blah blah blah. And when I told her I was the only one on staff here...and was contemplating going home before it got worse...she flipped her lid and told me no one who didn't have a time sheet by 11:30 AM was NOT going to get paid on pay day.
So, I stayed the day in our stormed in office phoning all the guys and getting their hours so they would get paid.
I did this for my "men" not head office ....you remember them...the guys who put me out to pasture.
The weather cleared up around 3:00 PM a lot of drifting, but nothing I couldn't get through.
You know......April 30th. can not come fast enough. I should have make it earlier.
Next week I'm going to give all my work to the new guy. And let head office yell at him. My work here is done. From now on, I will coast into retirement.
Balonie...making Mennonite farmer sausage soup for her man.. on a very cold winter evening.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
So, what's new? I have been away for awhile. Mostly reading your blogs at work...and forgive me for not commenting. Because...in this new building we are in now, my desk is a magnet. A fucking magnet. They put the big printer and photocopier behind me. Which means I have to minimize whatever I'm looking at 5,678 times a day. I think you guys are giving me carpal tunnel syndrome. Hey, it's all on you. The copier used to be in the central office before, now they have invaded my personal space. I really, really hate it. Everyone has to come by my desk to pick up a fax or something from the printer. Then of course they look at my screen. Bastards.
Sometimes I'm not fast enough and instead of minimizing it I hit the max button. Damn...Well depending which blog I'm on....either you will see children playing, food, or....goat's mating. My blog roll is diverse.
Here is a girl....Hi Kitch... who is going through some shit waiting for results for a lump in her breast.
She sounds brave....but I know ..everyone knows the heartache of waiting for the test results.
Let's cross our toes for her. It even get's better if you cross your fingers and toes while going though an underpass with a train going overhead. It's a sure sign of good things to come. It makes driving a little hazardous, but we must do...what we must do. Let's make the lump a cyst. Sing it to me.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I made what I like to call "Stuffed Carp with crap." Don't try this at home, because I have purposely left out some of the ingredients because it's a secret family recipe. Just like KFC.
(the following contains scenes of violence... caution is advised).
1. First of all, you have to train your carp to "sit pretty."
2. Gather...a hammer or a very large cinder block.
3. Say a prayer for him
4. And whack him.
6. Dinner is on.
7. No need to sever the head, because you want to stuff him from the top.
8. I use rice with a little soy sauce, mushrooms, onions, lemon juice, and a few old newspapers soaked in chicken broth if I can't fill him up to the top. Add a dash of pepper, and a dash of cooking love.
9. Put the carp in a large baking dish, uncovered.
10. Preheat your oven at 350. Open the window to get the fish stank out of your kitchen.
11. Make a small cup of about 1/4 cup ketchup and 1 tsp. of horseradish and stir it all about.
12. Smear it on the crap...ummm I mean the carp.
13. Bake for 20 minutes if it was dead, or 30 minutes if it was still wiggling. We are talking fresh fish here people.
Serve with oven fried taters, newspaper/rice stuffing, and a nice salad of your choice.
Bon appetite..balonie style.
I really should be a food blogger.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Balonie.... taking another step forward into her golden ears. Yes, I said ears.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Get the dog's nails clipped
Play with Penny
Bookwork for the business
Make a new batch of wine
Water the plants (this could be part of "clean the house." If you are picky.
Ingest just enough wine after the day is done to relax.
I made Shepperd's Pie for tonights supper with left over beef from a pot roast. But I didn't have enough potatoes...to make mashed potatoes to cover it. Well fuck. There was no way I was going to the store for potatoes, so I winged it. With...guess what? wrong...wrong again... Kraft dinner! Call me genius if you will.
I put a layer of cooked Kraft dinner on the bottom of a small casserole dish, topped it off with my mixture of roast beef, onions, magic mushrooms, frozen mixed veggies, a few squirts of ketchup, a little sauce, left over gravy, some garlic powder and pepper and some low fat parm cheese mixed in. I made three layers of it. And topped it off with some low fat mozz cheese. The Shepperd's will be leading their flock by night...right to my house. It smells really good. Ahhh casseroles...it doesn't get better than that when you run out of time. But...this took me much longer than I anticipated, because I was inventing a recipe. My last load of laundry was pretty crisp by the time I got it out of the dryer.
I just happened on a new channel on our TV last night. Let's just say first of all ...every time I find a new channel that I like, our service takes it away the moment you want to watch it. Assholes. But, since last night, it's still there. They play a lot of the movies from the 1950's to today. It's always a surprise. Last night there was a lot of oldies I remember seeing at the show hall in our small Mennonite town. Yes, I know...we who watched those movies, will never get to heaven. Although the Mennonites that went to the big city to watch them will.. because God is only watching you in your own town. Makes perfect sense to me. I'm not jaded at all.
......... let me see if I can find youse guys a few pictures, because I don't have sweet "f" all... and don't want to start a Mennonite rant.
This is my grandniece Jaymie. She just turned 13.
This is Lynnae she will 16 in a few days.
Way too cute.. I love them.
Hold on...I just found the post I didn't post on Friday... It was getting late and I didn't finish it.. It was a Mennonite rant....well so be it....
You will see Harry's Cafe at the bottom. Every Mennonite town had a Chinese cafe. It was there forever. My mom went to Harry's Cafe before I was born and after. Harry and many more, immigrated to Canada in the late 40's and left their wives and children in China in search of a better life in the bible belt.
When I was a teenager...Harry's was the place to go and meet friends. Almost as it was in my mother's day. We only had one restaurant at the time. I have so many good memories sitting in the booths yakking it up...talking about boys with my girlfriends over a coke and a smoke.
That is what I wrote on Friday, but never finished. It is what it is. I have to go and eat my Kraft Dinner surprise.
Balonie.. you can take this to the bank.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The weather out here is fabulous.....the dog is now pissing in the back 40 instead of the deck. She got the message yesterday when I shovelled off all the pisspopcyles off the deck. I gave her a stern warning about that....and she obeys her momma. She's a good girl, and I don't mind a little pee in the snow on the deck when it's 40 below. Saves me from making her little doggie leggings with Velcro attachments. I have had too many dogs in my lifetime to expect a dog to keep them on. By the time they hit the back 40 they were off. ...they start shaking their paws...then do a little dance...and it's over...they got my little crocheted leggings off. Little buggers.
So then, I have to put my parka, mitts, and boots on and go and fetch the dog, and the booties...and sometimes a small turd to put on the deck to entice her to take the dump on the deck when it gets 1000 below.
So, what I'm saying...we got it together so far this winter. But that is subject to change of course.
So, how do you handle your dog droppings? That should of been my header!!! HA....
Monday, January 11, 2010
I would love to talk about work, because I've got a lot to say....but I don't know if anyone knows I have a blog. I know, I don't have much to loose anymore, but I don't want to go out with bad feelings. Soooo, I will keep that to myself for now. How many more "knows" could I put into two sentences? I don't know? I type too fast and don't pay attention to details. Get over it. This blog is what it is. Flaws and all. It's just me..balonie. I write like I talk. I'm not an English major, yet I'm not stupid.
I'm making a big pot of stew right now. Smells delicious. I just ran into the kitchen and took out the bay leaf. Nothing worse than a bay leaf overpowering the stew. But, if anyone who reads this wants to kill her husband.... keep the bay leaf in it and he might choke on it. Just saying. Gord got lucky tonight.
Sleep with one eye open...I always say.. heh
Sunday, January 10, 2010
It had been a long time since I ordered food in, and had to go through the entire "yellow pages" to find KFC. yes I know I should retire, it's not that hard.
Gord kept telling me it was 941-1234. I didn't believe him. (two old farts arguing) can you see it? Finally I punched in that number...whaaaa laaa...FOOD. 20 minutes later it was at the door. I think I ate the boxes and all, I was so hungry. Greasy boxes ...yumm. Then I parked my ass on the recliner ate two oatmeal cookies and fell asleep. I think KFC drugged me. Seriously, heh..I woke up at 3:00PM..(yes, Gord left me sitting on the recliner, drooling and snoring and went to bed). Bastard. I always wake him up if he falls asleep.. It was so scary, the TV was blaring, and I didn't know where I was. I remember giving my head a shake, tried to focus and fell asleep AGAIN. I must have woken up again shortly after that, and got my shit together and went to bed. Penny was curled in her basket next to me and was waiting for her mom to got to bed! So finally we schelped all our asses off to bed. And I had to turn off all the lights, because obviously Gord thinks I need to sleep on my recliner WITH ALL THE LIGHTS ON IN THE HOUSE. Or maybe he didn't want to scare me if it was all in darkness. But, I don't think so.
He laughed at me this morning. I know, I am a control freak....and laughing only makes me want to ... put a small hole in his side of the waterbed. Are you having urinary problems...or is it the bed? Give it some thought sucker.
Just a few pic's my niece gave me of her beautiful girls at Christmas.
This is Lynnae
This is Jaymie
Well, I gotta fly, I don't want to fall asleep in my computer chair. I would never live it down.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
It's colder than a whore's heart in these parts. It's a mean hard cold. I can hardly describe it. The wind chill is up in the 40 Celsius range and making it hard to even get in and out of your car without turning into a icicle. But the good news is that it will be a balmy 4 degrees by Sunday.
Poor Penny. She can't stay out long enough to have a dump. She has been holding it for two days now. This morning I gave her permission to take a dump on the deck....but she will have no part of me watching her dump. She will occasionally take a whizz out there and come running back in...which is okay, I can just shovel that piss Popsicle off. But a dump..nope, that is a private matter. It would be easier shovelling off a frozen turd than piss Popsicles.
It's Ukrainian Christmas today! My sister in law is Ukrainian and she made a dish I dearly loved at her house at our regular Christmas this year. I'm not a big eater, but I just loved this dish. So, on Ukrainian Christmas Day I will give you the recipe: It's a real big recipe, meant for 30 hungry Ukrainians after they have come off the fields after feeding and sodomizing their livestock. oops ..too much information?
NALYSNYKY - Cheese rolls
1 1/2 cup milk
1 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup melted butter
1 tsp. salt
2 cups flour
Beat the eggs. Add milk, water, salt, butter and flour. Keep beating until well mixed.
Always start frying on a hot pan or the pancakes will stick. After the first pancakes, turn heat a bit lower. I never turn my pancakes over, when done just slide the pancake onto the plate. Always grease the pan with a little oil before making a new batch. Don't make them too big.
2 lbs. of cottage cheese
Salt/pepper to taste
1/4 cup of whipping cream if cheese seems to dry
Mix it all up, and if it is too dry add some more cream.
Spread on the baked pancakes and roll them up.
Put butter between each layer. Bake 1 1/2 to 2 hours in a slow oven until puffy.
This recipe comes from a Ukrainian Community Cookbook. I love the way they give the information like they are sitting at the table with you.
I changed it up a bit because my SIL said she made the pancakes too big the first time she made them. They are actually crepes with a filling. Gord and I fought for the last one. I won after I put him in a head lock and gave him a nuggy. I'm surprisingly strong when I love what I am eating.
Merry Christmas to all my Ukrainian friends... and to Joan...my SIL you can now safely take down your tree.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
I just wrote that stuff yesterday to scare the bastard off. I had no idea how to do it.
Then I set the settings to "registered users includes open ID" today. I hope that works.
Yesterday ...like the stupid asshole I am, I went in the REPORT section in blogger... and filled out a report about this guy. They had a few options..and none really fit the bill, so I chose nudity...because he/she always chooses blogs where I talk about woman's smart parts.
I filled it all out and saw the name of my blog appear in a portion of it, and thought, okay I am the complainant, that is what they want to see .. oh my....later I figured out they wanted the url of the guy who was harassing me...NOT ME. I didn't have it because he blanked it all out with little boxes in properties.
So, what I have done is reported myself for nudity! HAAAAAA. At least I think so.
Isn't that funny!
Welcome to my new Porn blog.
"It's Always Something Special"
I might have to try to dig up a few pic's of Gord in his underpants. Or me in my santa pants.
Because we are not street legal....we are bad bad peoples. I cannot believe I did that.
It's high time I retire to the funny farm.
balonie ..." a little addled"....
Monday, January 04, 2010
Dear Anonymous, I have reported you. And by the way, you aren't hard to find at all. I figured it out with a little help from my friend who works in the police department in my city. I was so suprised how easy it is. Keep it up ....Your ass is going to be fried.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Don has raised Clydesdale's on his farm for years. I had sort of forgot about it, until we saw the picture in the paper yesterday. His horses have always been his passion, and they are beautiful. And he sort of looks like Santa doesn't he?
I did have a great lazy ass week.
It was too cold to out anywhere, so I stayed close to my Penny, water bed, kitchen, TV and computer. Packed up the Christmas stuff I missed the other day...and put it all to bed.
I had my hair cut yesterday, by a woman ...who after seating me in the chair told me her ADD was right up there. Probably on a scale of 1 to 10...I think she was hitting 9.9% in my opinion. I was sitting waiting while she was doing another guys hair...and she never stopped talking from the time he sat down until he left. That should have been my first hint. Apparently he was a good customer and did not mind HIS HEAD BEING TALKED OFF. Literally TALKED OFF...I could see it rolling on the floor. I had to catch it several times and put it back on his head! So she could keep TALKING IT OFF.
Enough bitching...just a couple of pics.
Two more Christmas cactus flowers...my mom would have loved that.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Friday, January 01, 2010
So, I was going to go through my achieves today and look for interesting tid bits of shit you have seen one hundred times before. But, I didn't. Too much to clean up in the Christmashouse.
I took all the Christmas Crap down in my house. I sent the big Santa packing. He is back in the North Pole. I kicked his ass and away he flew. And I told him to take his phoney balonie reindeer with him. The little village people that were living in my fireplace, had not paid their rent either, so I gave them notice and evicted them. Same went for the skating pond people.....you want to stay here all year I asked?...or do you want to cross my palm with some cash. Back in the box losers.
I didn't put up the nativity scene this year....I would have really been hard pressed to ask Jesus to leave. That would not have seemed right. Phew..... I'm so glad they are still in the closet.
I took down the pre lit tree from hell. I loved the way it kept me guessing which string of lights was actually going to work on a given day. Then I gently removed it from it's place in the living room and threw it in the garbage. I evicted it. No rent needed, I didn't even ask for my damage deposit back.
We had a pretty mellow New Year's Eve. We sat around and made a great meal with steak and lobster, mushrooms, salad, and toasted cheese buns. After supper we called our good friends in Ontario and had a great talk. They are such lovely people. Plus my nephew from British Colombia called earlier and I messed with his head for awhile.
Like I said yesterday, our water bed was leaking. We got a patch kit and tried to patch it. But, it was in such a tight corner and in a crease,....was difficult. I tried it once, and it didn't work. Gord came up with a better idea on how to do it and keep the clue dry until it set....and it worked! So, nobody pissed their pants in the bed last night. At our age you never know. I usually blame everything on the dog.
Hippy Chick landed on our doorstep this morning. We had just got our lazy asses out of the waterbedwithnoleaks...around 11:00 AM and here she appeared, like a stoned reindeer after New Years! Nah, just kidding, she had come into the city for a party at her friends place, and we had coffee and chatted it up for a bit before she left for home.
So, it is homemade pizza for supper tonight....and I hope things get back to normal tomorrow. My dog doesn't even know what day it is anymore. I think she was really happy to see me take her "santa hat" and put in a box.
I have been playing around with a new piece of software for two days....Corel Paint.....and I am addicted. I can't wait to retire.......oy so much to learn.