Monday, November 30, 2009

I'm not the Pioneer Woman

Someone emailed me today and asked me to promote UGG boots on my blog. Okay..what are UGG boots?....I have no idea. Who would name boots UGG? Who would want to buy something called UGG? Like in maybe.... UGGLY. She obviously does not know how out of touch I am, and probably did not read my stats.

But if you guys want to buy boots, I say...go to Wal Mart and git yerself a pair of knock off's. I didn't even google UGG boots...I want to stay uninformed.

I have a nice pair of boots, which I will probably need to wear tomorrow..cause de snow she is a coming big time.

I should probably try them on because of my feet growing problem mit da ole age thing. UGG I hate to think about that. Maybe I should try to score a free pair...but for some reason I think they are fashion boots.....but .... I didn't google it and I won't. I like my own little UGGly world.

Yesterday I spoke of my impatience when Gord and I do things together. What I didn't tell you is that decorating the back yard was my job. After he left I got the lights, hammer, nails and proceeded to do the fence in the back yard. Clear the I come.

I had such a good time.

I dropped the hammer on Penny's head a few times...because she seems to need to be a foot behind me at all times when I am in the garden. I don't think any brain cells were damaged.

I measured everything by "eye." It works for me. I didn't have a plan but as I was working on it, it all worked out for some reason. Tonite I had to make a few adjustments... hell's not a work of art...but it's pretty cool. I will take a pictures of it tomorrow after I work out the who is the perfectionist? It's supposed to snow tomorrow, so pictures of the front and back will look prettier.

But, being the arsehole I am...I want you to vote on who's lights look better..mine or Gord's. and won't win a pair of UGGly boots. But I have an old mix master in the cupboard if you want it.

Until tomorrow.....ummm okay...but I will give away a pair of new men's slippers that don't fit me..if you let me win. shhh...I know. I'm a little bit on the competitive side. ever

Sunday, November 29, 2009

A miracle happened

We put up the outside Christmas lights ...without a fuss. Well not much..but hey...this set a record. We don't work well together as a rule. My problem is...I have no patience for shit. Throw the damn lights on the bushes and call it a day! He is a perfectionist. And just watching him put everything in the right order makes my liver quiver. All I can think about is all the other stuff I have to do on my day off.

Today, I decided to shut my big trap. I slowly and methodically handed him the lights he had untangled and put in a pattern on the lawn to make it easier to figure out where they should go. Normally, I would ummm.. make't just be easier to do whatever needed to be doing. Then it was game on! I know which button to press. But I do it anyway...but today I did not press any buttons. I was a Stepford Housewife. It silently killed me. But for the sake of our neighbours I kept my big mouth shut. They have seen enough when I was bossing him around last week with those damn leaves. Jeez I was a bitch.

I can't help myself. God give me patience. Hopefully I will enjoy putting up the lights, having Christmas dinners here for the family once I retire and take the time to do things right. As it is now, I rush through everything. Trying to find a minute for my own. It will come soon.

Friday, November 27, 2009

This is my reality of Angel Man

He's got a pretty cute bum...and the boots are a nice touch.

Yeah, I know I do this every year too. I love this picture...because THAT is Gordon's bum. And no....the crack does not show when he bends down and is dressed. He wears a belt. And NO..he is not an Angel either...that is why I think those wings were photo shopped. But he is bullheaded enough to do something like this if push came to shove. So in essence this could be Gord. But in reality this is the only way he would shovel snow from out driveway.

Cross you fingers...after that unfortunate little squall we had about a month ago we haven't had any snow....and it seems weird. I just can't imagine winter without snow. But it will come, and I will bitch about driving in it again. I really love winter, a fresh blanket of snow covers all that brown fall mess up. A new beginning....

Until it gets colder turns to slush...and all that brown mess mixes with the white stuff....and it looks like someone shit all over your world. Then it freezes ... the very morning you go to work. No one is prepared. And we slip slide's like bumper cars at an amusement park. You get a "rush"...and try to dodge them. And when you get to high five everyone...and tell them about carnage you saw on the streets.

That will come next week. And by then we will have figured out how to drive on icy roads again.

I will enjoy putting up all my lights outside on my big cedar bushes. So much to little time. yikes...

I can't wait to retire..... and to be able to do so many things that I have to do on the weekend now.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

He is back...

Angel Man.... how I missed you over the summer months. I missed your feathers and your umm loin cloth diaper thing you have goin on.
Let the holidays begin!
I do this every if you a new to this are going to see more of him before Christmas.
I lent him to my friend Donna today... I hope she didn't wear him out. I can't say what he might be looking like when I get him back, because she's a southern girl...and they are known for tuckering out angel men. Donna..leave something for me..girl.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Well it's only been about a week

And my feet have not grown. Pheww. But my eyebrows and nose hairs seem to have some kind of growth spurt. I am documenting this for posterity. Because I really what to know when it was in my (Yawn) my golden years when shit springs out of me for no good reason. My chin hairs have actually settled down. I was getting kind of worried about that ... where did they go? We were just getting to be buddies. Long buddies, that I missed them in the mirror before I went to work. I think the chin hairs had a meeting with the upper lip hairs and said "let's do her a favour and make her a moustache she will never forget. Gawd. HAIR, make up your mind where you wanna go...or I'm going to sic my hormones on you.... ummm maybe that is what happened.

I think I might change the name of my blog to It's Always Something Old"....

I just got the papers from the Government of Manitoba..officially telling me I will be a senior citizen next October, along with all the documentation to fill out.

Holy shit! I wake up in the morning to see my husbands white...I was going to say ... head of hair..beside me .....but that's only the back of his head...Ha.. I see my face in the mirror, and think... hey I can fix this. But I can't. So you know what...screw it. It is what it is. I'm going to stop dwelling on this. deal?

Okay, on to other stuff.

So far, I don't have the swine that's a good thing. Finally after 3 weeks of clinic's around the city fucking us around with ...whether you are eligible or not to be on the priority list for the shot, and if they had enough medication that day..blah blah blah... People were panicked. It was crazy. God help us if it's something more important......and I'm not getting the shot. I will take my chances. It's not a's a panicdemic. Arseholes.

And if this decision gets me dead...... name your favourite pig after me.

I might be needing a total ovehaul when I git to 65. My vagina is getting kinda favourite and her have had a good ride. I hope she doesn't fall out when I'm not looking. I haven't taken an odometer reading on her lately...but I bet she has got a lot of miles on her. Sometimes I feel sorry for her. She made so many bad decisions.

Okay..enough of this assholeishness....I think I might have a brain injury. You be the judge.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Apparently my feet are growing

What in the hell is going on with that?

I have been size 8 since I was in my twenties. This last year I can't get those big old hoofers in a size 8. I tried 8 and a half....still a little snug...Finally it got to the point to ...ummm let's try on a 9. Well, as much as I didn't want to believe it...they fit just right.

But my shoes look like boats. I no like. No likey at all. I watch my feet walk in front of me like pontoons. I guess over the years I must have flattened those sucker out, walked too much and made them bigger. I made my feet bigger! I knew I should have spent more time on the computer.

This brings to me to my shopping trip today to get new slippers. I love slippers. I wear those suckers out in a few months. eg. I should spend more time on the computer. Remember when I bought men's slippers when I couldn't find womenfolkkind one's. I damned near killed myself tripping over those big soles. Sometimes I wonder what I think before I flash my mastercard in front of the cashier. Really. What's your take on this?

I don't like shopping, so this is part of the problem. But today, I bought another pair of Men's slippers. I know. But the women's slippers were sooooo.. pink and down right ugly. I need me some working slippers..slippers that will take me in and outside of my house without crying....ohhh lord we are too pretty to work in the yard slippers. I don't like changing my shoes 30 times a day for every occasion. Now I got me some hefty rawhide slippers with a nice cozy fuzzy lining and a good sole.

So, when the dog has to go out in winter, I won't fall on my ass when I go on the deck....because my slippers have a "soul"...heh... they won't let me fall.

When I retire:
I will put on my man slippers....and get comfy... build a fire in the fireplace , and get the dog beside me on the sofa....... buy a Kindle...and download all the books I missed reading when I was too busy working. I'm all about technology. The Kindle just became available to Canada last week..

Now it's time for soup. Gord has a cold.

Now go about your business.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Remember our little rental house?

It was sort of trashed after the last tenant left....and now she is looking fine. I just got back from it after spending the day cleaning up after the trades left. I am full of mud dust, spider webs, I smell like Spic and Span...and I can hardly walk. Gord made me help him lift a stacking dryer to the top shelf above the washer. All I have to say about that is ...he is crazy in the head. First I refused. But then we did a test. Or he made me do a test. He lifted the dryer on top of a garbage can and asked it if could pick up my side approximately three feet over that. I made it to a foot, and he looked at me like I was the worlds biggest loser.

WHAT... a sixty four year old woman cannot lift a small dryer OVER her head? A woman who does nothing more strenuous than typing on her computer and light housework? The same woman you guilted into raking leaves this morning in the front yard even though we PAY people to that in the spring!...because the snow had not arrived on time to hide them from the neighbours?

We finally got the dryer up on the top shelf. Gord stuck his head in the dryer and lifted it up with his shoulder while I called upon all the Lutheran's in world to put him on their prayer list. I had his back, as soon as he got it up a few feet I could grab my side and help lift it up to the top. sonofabitch. Once it was up on the shelf he still had to attach the we moved it sideways on the shelf, and I had to perch one side of it on my shoulder and hold it while he connected it. Ouch. I am sure my left shoulder will be forever lower than my right one. I will dragging my left hand on the ground.. like a Zombie.

Then he MADE me wash all the mud dust off the floors with a MOP even after he vacuumed them. The flooring guys are coming tomorrow and God forbid they encounter a speck of mud dust.

He was such a slow vacumner....Good grief I had most of floors washed way before he had them vacuumed.... so we were in a sense doing it all backwards....he just couldn't keep up with me. By the time I left to go home to make supper...he was giving me the evil eye. I figure he could get all OCD there without me so I left. I have no patience for that kind of shit. He has to get into ever nick and crannie ...and ohhhhhhhhhhhmygod....I just was just jumping out of my skin.

But, the house will look good. It has been a long project, with one contractor pulling out on us..and leaving us with a half finished job...but it's coming along just fine. Once the carpeting and tiles and baseboards are down, it will look like a nice home again. I found some of the original wallpaper in there...and it's kind of fun to think about the people who lived there before we bought it.

In a couple of weeks when it will be mostly finished I will do the before and after pic's. You won't believe it. From trash to cash...I hope.

It's a sweet little place.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


I don't have a lot to report most days...but I thought I will take a memory of an event of whathehellever...and post it for the next few days.

You know how thoughts of days gone by randomly flow through your mind. At a red light, where and whenever. I do this all the time. Something triggers it. Some of them are good and some are just scary.

For some reason today while I was out on the deck schmoozing with the dog, who of course was ON the picnic table ... for purely reachable she can lick my nose and be the alpha dog she is. Plus she can see the landscape. She is short. Dammit.

Anyway, for some reason coffee cups with letters on them came to my mind. I don't know why. Funny that.

When we bought our second house...way back in time, it had been totally renovated, and it was a old house with new innards. I loved this house. Except I didn't like the the wall paper in the living room...flocked red and silver wall paper. The Italian dream . So, I took that down in short order. And replaced it with a "wall mural"...remember those? I still love them. Anyway, I replaced it with a mural of a "glowing sunset"..... the entire wall. My sofa was rust, all my furniture was rustic was beautiful. I bought new lamps and put amber bulbs in them to make it look ...ummm rustic. We glowed. We didn't have a fireplace, so when winter came around I would turn on the weather station that had a fireplace on it. It was so life like..ha...

Okay, I am getting away from the coffee I loved that little house.

Kitchen/dining room was nice. It was at the back of the house. That is where everyone would come into the house because that is where you parked your car.

It had a nice little counter where we put bar stools around and everyone could it sit there overlooking the kitchen and the dining room was just behind it. It was small but very comfortable.

I was always redecorating and putting in new stuff.

One day when I was at K Mart. I saw they had cups. Cups with letters on them. Like J. for Joan..etc. My mind went a little crazy...and I went and bought 7 cups and seven cup holders to put underneath my kitchen cabinet. You have to remember in those days I was a bit of a an asshole...I bought 7 cups that spelled Fuck You. Yup, and we laughed our asses off. I actually went to the counter at K Mart two or three times because I didn't want them to catch on what I was trying to spell.

I put the cups under the cabinet. Neatly arranged to say Fuck You when our friends arrived. Our friends thought it was hilarious when they came over. I only forgot one thing.

Mom and Dad


You never saw the balonie scramble fast enough to to rearrange those ..cups....

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I think I know the problem

I cannot spell electrician. heh. That is probably one of the words you should spell right when you work for one. I think I was a little over wrought last night.

Thanks for your good wishes.

I was okay with everything until I went to bed....and started to cry.. damit! I guess the day was just a little too much for me.

But today, I'm fine. I have Plan A. No, I'm not going to put poison in their Kool Aid. It's the old "work to rule." My boss has been kissing my ass all day...and I wish he would stop it. I know it wasn't his decision alone....and I know he feels really bad. But not bad enough to hire his son in law, when the opportunity presented itself. Without yelling "nepotism" I will silently "work to rule"..... and yeah if you know me at all, I will take on anything they throw at me, because I never like to let anyone down. So, plan A is fucked.

So, lets just get on with it. Another chapter of my life is opening up, and I should embrace it.

But then, why do I feel I have fucked over/up/ and sideways? Because I have been.

I'm not over this shit just yet.

Monday, November 09, 2009 it's about me.

Monday Monday, can't trust that day,

Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way

Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be.

Remember when I heard the little warning signs about my job? Ummm yup, they are phasing it out as of April 30th. 2010. No, I am not being replaced as such. They (head office) are incorporating my job into another guys job. A new guy. They let the last guy go, because he didn't have enough to do, so I guess they figured...let's give this new guy all Joan's shit. If it doesn't make sense, don't worry, I don't get it either. But our office will not have a reception desk. Men will man it all. After all it's men's work to be electricaians ....they don't need no womanfolk messing with that ELECTRICITY.
I have 3 months to train him, plus he has to be trained by Man 2: for the other jobs.

I was stunned.

Here is the shit kicker..... Sit down and get yerself a glass of whiskey my friends. The new guy is his son in law. Who fathered 4 children with his daughter in 6 years without a real steady job. And I think they are only about 26 years old. They are very nice Mennonite people...but good lord.

I don't know why he chose him for the new job opening .... well yes, I do. I guess the family has to eat. When head office decided to "streamline" our office I had to go anyway....and I guess I don't feel that bad because I really don't want four young children to go hungry.

But, before you start to get feeling sorry for me.....the upside is I can retire now. YES. Seriously. I was a little shocked. I have not felt bad about this at all. When my boss told me this this morning ...I was "all" yay..and was surprised at who was going to take my place. I wanted to tell my boss that he made a terrible error hiring his son in law...because ..oh boy. That is going to be a shit show....but that's for them to work out.

Really, this works out perfectly.

I can start to collect my CPP pension and get Employment insurance benfits they are going to give me a package to compensate me. I don't know what that is yet. And this will all take me to 65 next October....when I get the CHEQUE.... I have worked for my whole life for . To do sweet fuck all.

I will kiss my 15 year job GOOD BYE.... I will kiss this point I am happy happy happy, I didn't have to make the was made for me...

I have such mixed feelings...I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I think I need a hug.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Look what I did again....and about Kat

I will never ever make up my mind. Kinda cute. And maybe over the top...whatever. That's the way I roll.

I found a ton of Christmas templates, so get ready. And I don't care if they are tacky, if it makes the balonie happy...let's just do it!

Joanie balonie has been out of sorts lately, and kind of sad for her blogger friend Katerina who in the hospital in Calgary fighting cancer. She was just at my house last summer and we were having such a good time, but now things have changed so drastically I have no words.

I feel so helpless being so far away..thousands of miles away...and can't even stop to visit, bring a rose, or bring something to her. Mostly me...and feed her my balonie shit and laugh. She makes me laugh my ass off...I love the give and take between the two of us. I am her mothers age, but that has never been an issue.

You know, one time she told me I was a "raisin" two bad perms away from being dead! HA!! She slays me. She will hate my new template...and sometimes I think I only used to change it to piss her off.... so I think we are even.

Love you Kat!

Friday, November 06, 2009


Just checking in.

Not to much happening.

Bought new cartridges for my printer..duh

Got supper in the oven...spaghetti your hearts out....

Played in the backyard with my Penny. I made huge piles of leaves in the backyard ...and she loves it. It's her nest. And then I hide the ball in it. OMG life for her could not get any better. Seek and find.

We are having the best weather ever for this time of year.

I think Gord will be on the motorcycle again tomorrow.... probably the last day trip of the year for him and his bro. Normally we would have had snow by now.

That is all. Carry on.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Someone left a large kotex on my door knob

I guess they don't call it Kotex anymore do they? Well whatever it was ...was hanging on my front door tonight when I came home from work in a tidy plastic bag. Advertising at it's best. HYGIENE PRODUCTS ...hanging on my front door, is not what I want the world to see, nor do I want to see that when I get home from a very crappy day at work.

So, now...what should I do with it?

1. Write the distributor of this product and say, I am sorry, I am a dried up old prune, but thanks for your encouragement. I will try to bleed on them.

2. Your product is fabulous, it soaks up the grease when I'm frying ground beef.

3. My dog loves it...I made a little pillow for her. Send me more because she likes your brand of pillows.

4. While I am some what pissed with you guys I must say, if any of my neighbours would have seen that bag hanging from my front door knob, they would have thought I was still a bleeder. Cool!

Ah, the joy.

Gord and I talked last night. He just got a CARD from the Government of Canada officially welcoming him as a senior citizen. We will forever be some one's old uncle and Auntie.

It said: enclosed is your personalized Old Age Security card. This card confirms that you are in receipt of your old age security pension. Holy fuck...he is an old fart. BUT an old fart with money, I can deal with that!

Then I went into our personal bank account, and low and behold......we got money for doing sweet fuck all. We are starting to reap what we have sowed.

We don't really rely on that...we have other stuff....but I'm thinking he will cut me loose, and I can retire...very soon....yeahhhhhh.

Because after the day I had at work today...I. am. ready.

I would like to keep on working, but not full time. So that will be something I will be thinking about.

This is starting to get exciting.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

I had the ribs.

Friday, the family took Gord out for his birthday. We don't go out much, so we were kind of surprised how many people go out for dinner on a Friday night! Holy shit. We went to the "Keg" a steak house. There was ten of us, and we were packed in like sardines at our table. It was soooo busy, we could hardly hear each other talk at the table.

A glass of wine....only filled up to ...ummm perhaps an inch or two was 7.00 bucks? That would be two sips at 3.50 a piece. What? The place was filled to the rafters with people, even little babies in car seats. The entrance way was so crowded with people, I didn't think we would ever get in. They don't take reservations for parties over 6 until 8:30 so we had to wait. They gave us a little hand held device and when our table was ready they paged us. Weird.

Anyway, the food was good, the company was good and Gord loved it all turned out okay. But the prices...oh my... I must live in a different world, because between Gord and I it cost almost 200.00 dollars. Gord's bro treated us, but still all we had was two drinks, dinner and dessert. He might have had one more, I wasn't watching..but still. I just wonder how all those people in the restaurant can afford a Friday night out. And like I said the place was packed.

I'm still dreaming about those ribs I had. They were excellent. Better than Tony Roma's. I did have an issue with the salad. I can't even remember which one I chose because I was flapping my gums talking to someone at the table. When I got it, it was a huge plate of "greens".. you know the kind...they look like they were grown in a cellar under a grow light and never matured.
Along with the salad were two slices of purple onion (which I normally like)..but Lord I have never encountered such a strong onion. I had to brush my teeth 5 times when I got home. And then flush my entire head down the toilet. But, yeah it was fun ...heh

Plus...they have bottles of wine sitting on the table when you get there. If you open them, they are yours at 25.00 dollars a bottle. For a crappy small bottle of red wine. Ouch.

I think the economy is strong....if you can afford to pay 200.00 for a dinner on a Friday night, good luck to you.

Friday night will continue to be pizza night around here...and homemade at that.

But I'm still dreaming of those ribs. Son of bitch they were good.

I will have to wait until someone else takes us out for dinner.