Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Texas Sweet & Sour Coleslaw

This is always my "go to" coleslaw. I make a weeks worth of it so we have a "side" for our sandwiches at lunch. Tonight my food processor farted up and spewed up cabbage all over my kitchen. Normally I buy a very very small cabbage and I know when to stop putting cabbage in the hole. Apparently today I did not. After the cabbage I put in the onions, then some peppers, and as I was putting in the exploded. That freaking gassy cabbage made a bomb.

How did I miss that it was full enough? Well I'm the kind of gal that always thinks "more is better."

Once I got it cleaned up, and put in the sweet and sour mixture it was all good. There is still some on the ceiling. Now that spring is here it will give the flies something to eat.

I still can't believe how the lid popped off. It would have be a Vegans dream. They would have been licking my kitchen.

balonie....taking time to make your life a better place.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Getting ready for April Fools day

Last year I got one of my co-workers in a good April Fool's day joke. Well, at least by my standards...which are not that high. And I'm hoping he forgot about it because I have another one. Like I have nothing better to do than try to screw with this guys head. Hey, I'm only going to be there another month...What.Do.I.Have.To.Loose.?

He asked for Harry Lyon........haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I never get tired of this.

Sunday, March 28, 2010


A group of 40 year old girlfriends discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant because the waiters there are hot looking and muscular.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant because the food and the wine selection there is very good.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant because the establishment is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant since they have never been there before.

omg..... I love this...when you get to be 80 everything is a brand new again. Score.

I'm making Oriental pot roast...don't ask. So far so good. I haven't put my choppers in on it yet. Smells veddy good. I made up the recipe because the one I found online had ginger in it, and I don't like ginger.....evar. So I took a piece of one recipe and another ...and am flying by the seat of my Oriental pants.

The weather has been absolutely the best today. It's warm, sunny and I see a little greenery popping out of the midst of ugliness in the garden.

Penny and I had some good play time. But after that it was time to come back in and pay the bills and do more bookwork. One more month of this...........then I will be set free. I will still do Gord's bookwork, but I won't have to GO TO REAL WORK. I hate to say that because something will jinx it. But a girl can dream. I will be able to do anything any damn time when I want to do it. .......... I hope I didn't jinx it.

Lately, I have been so busy I can't even take time to take pictures. That will change.

Oh, and by the you want to know how stupid I am?

Short back story. We have a DVD player for our TV which we never use, but last week I decided to BUY...not rent two DVD's. Well, apparently when we bought the TV over a year ago, we didn't set up the DVD player correctly. Last night when Gord technek Bro came over I asked him to set it up for us. There was much swearing...because channels had to be changed and things had to be changed for this and into that....because we bought the cheapest and largest TV in the world. And after an hour .... the magic happened. We now have a working DVD player. I brought out a bunch of movies the kids (nieces & nephews) got us for Christmas...and ..holy shit batman DVD. wow...they played. THEN after watching all the crap Gordon wanted to watch on the first DVD, I put in the DVD ...Julie and Julia..I had bought at the store. WELL F**K.. I guess I'm a little new to this DVD stuff...I bought a blue ray DVD. Well, crap in a basket......apparently this is not a good thing when you don't have HD. Who knew? (except for all of youse guys.)

So, I have a perfectly good DVD I paid 28.00 fricking Cdn. dollars for.... If you want it and have blue ray give me a shout and I will sent it to you for nothing. It's no good to me.

I'm so waiting for everything to BE NEW AGAIN.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Doing face plants

The company I work for moved down the street from our old building...that we own did not see fit to take all of the plants I have umm sort of been watering over 14 years. My husband of 100 hundred years wanted to keep the crap.

Guess what happened?

Yup, I have the plants I was trying to kill for 14 years in my living room. With the exception of three, which I "put down".....when he wasn't looking. I have an ornamental orange tree, that doesn't have the brains to die. In a pot that looks like shit. In my living room. It's huge, ugly and so determined to live, that I cannot accidentally kill the sucker. It blooms all the time, and the oranges are so big and bright. It needs pruning and I will have to wait for warmer weather to drag it out and clean it up outside. I will take a picture of it once I clean it up.

This plant was such a show stopper for clients that walked into our building. They couldn't believe you could grow an orange in Canada. Well, you can, and we even gave them a taste. Those little buggers are very pungent, and they peel like a Chinese orange. We couldn't keep it in our new building because it needs direct sunlight, which was not in the cards.

The other one is safe, because it's a tropical plant and will survive here in a lower light place. When our company moved Gord ... in all his wisdom put it in front of a South facing window, and almost killed it with sunshine. I'm doing damage control with it now.

Then I kicked his ass..........because I don't want me no more plants. WE ARE MOVING. Damn it. I don't need anymore shit around here. He is about a pint short of a hoarder. I cannot stand old useless shit hanging around. You don't want to look in our garage. It's neat and tidy....but way to much shit.

balonie....if the crap don't kill ya....or trip you up....carry on.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


Our neighbours have been dogless for almost a year now. They lost three of them in a short period of time. Granted, they were old, but it really kicked their asses. But last week I noticed a cute little puppy (not so little, about 6 month old galloping down our street dragging them down the street). A retriever. Then today I saw them being towed down the street by yet another dog much larger than the last with the little one lagging behind. Yikes, when they got back into the swing, they swung hard.

First of all they just wanted is one dog, and when they went to the breeders they chose a female, as that has been what they were always used to. She had a brother but they thought no.....we like females. Needless to say, her bro is now living it up in their home. The male is sooooooooo big. At six months old, he has feet the size of a ham hock.

These were outside dogs and lived on a farm. Now, they don't really want to go outside anymore, they love watching Opera on the sofa where it's warm.

I will take some pic's next week. Jessy and Jerry. Reunited after a few months. They totally love each other.

This afternoon the knocked me over a few times. I did a face plant in de ole cul de sac. Man, I forgot how much energy and love puppies can give. They cleaned my face up after the knocked me down and carried find some more people knock down and love.

You could make a nice roast with the big guys rump.

Apparently the breeders they bought them from were German, and spoke to them in that perhaps I can be some help to them in order to get them to understand de english.

Shaken zie pawzen... Shake a paw
Pee Pee zime... Pee pee time
Makin de poo......Just make already
Sitzing du mit da prity...... sit pritty
Vat's mit yer daddy....whose your daddy

and if they aren't good...NO SOUP FOR YOU!
I always like to help.

balonie ... just looking to help people...that is what I do. What???????

Friday, March 19, 2010

Jimmy Bastard

I have been reading this blog for awhile. Jimmy Bastard. An excellent writer. On February 17th, he wrote a piece about Facebook and Twitter spoiling our writing experience...and it really hit home with me. I am by no means a good writer. I just put shit out there, and try to tell a story. A story for posterity.

But I have noticed a real decline in blogging versus the one liners in facebook and twitter. It seems like it's the easy way out...and yes, it does have it's place don't get me wrong because I do it too, along with blogging.

Call me and old fart, but I really miss the old days of forging a relationship with people that read my blog. Perhaps sometimes I am a little too rude, and maybe sometimes boring. And, I get those that don't have time to write anymore...that's just fine. I have been there to.

Blogging has taken a twist....where big corporations are taking an interest. We now have "super stars".... just like in the movies, ..Pioneer Woman..and Dooce. Plus a dozen more.

These are mommy bloggers. What about the rest of us? We still use a lot of product.

I use a lot of toothpaste everyday. CREST? are you listening? I don't think so.

Well in the spirit of being a no name blogger I Ummmm baked a no name cake tonight, I used "no" name flour, bananas, baking powder, baking soda, brown sugar, vanilla, walnuts, and eggs. Do you see anything missing?

Ummm oil. Fuck.

She's gonna be one dry banana cake. Bring on the cool whip honey.

Happy weekend......

Thursday, March 18, 2010

There are no rainbows shooting up from my ass

Finally got back to work today. After three days off doing bookwork for the business at home. And loosing an entire days work to a corrupted excel file. Count that...I had three days off work and only accomplished two days of work.

I am so pissed off. I could crush a rose.

It's hard being a Libra....I should be kicking someones ass.

Bill Gates, I got you in my sites. Don't you move sucker. Nah...s'not Billy's fault.... just a FATAL ERROR. and my Libra side says....okay be nice ...but my dark side still says shoot the bastard.

balonie...going off into the wilderness to cool off.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Another fish story.

I dared my nephew Chris to dispute my fishing skills in this post. He has responded, and I will share his thoughts after a brief introduction. Obviously his memory has dimmed somewhat over the last 30 years, but it still makes for a pretty good piece of fiction.

Let me introduce you to my little fishing buddy Chris. His dad renamed him "fish" once they moved to a house on the river and noticed his love of fishing.

He was a charming little boy. A boy who loved to be competitive. I think you can tell by the little smirk in his face. Don't let that angelic look fool you. He always had an angle. Like kids do. In the picture I am sure he is scheming on how he was going to talk me into "digging for worms" and go fishing on a Sunday morning....even if I was hung over. He would already know we were out with his parents the night before drinking wine and dining on steak and lobster.

But who could resist a face like that? And the cajoling he did to make it seem worthwhile to get me out of bed was amazing. I am surprised he didn't end up being a car salesman...seriously.

I did a quick look into my photo albums and scanned this one of him at the river waving a yellow belly cat fish, or maybe a boot? My mom and dad were usually with us when we went fishing and we always had at .25 cent bet for the first fish caught of the day. And Chris being who he was ...would claim anything near his line.

Then he moved away when he was a little older. And didn't need the balonie no more. He moved to the west coast with his parents and left me all alone on the riverbank. But...I still had one more nephew who needed fishing guidance, so I tucked him under my arm, and started all over again. Fortunately my Mom and Dad were still around and we put another notch on our belts.

Okay..... I have been telling my side of the story tooooo long.

Chris... tell your side.

There comes a time in everyone's life (usually within weeks of retirement) when the phrase "the older I get, the better I was" becomes meaningful. Were you were to sit down with Baloney (ever wonder how she got that name?) she would happily regale you with stories of how she invariably caught not only the biggest fish, but also the most fish. Although this is a happy place for Joan, it isn’t anywhere close to that town called “Reality.”

Joan: Yes, you gave the name balonie.. so far that's all you got right mister. I just changed the spelling.

Now my memory is a bit fuzzy for the first couple years of fishing. I was only six years old when Joan decided she needed someone to joust with. Fishing poles being a splendid substitute for a lance, we were off to the Red River. Although Joan speaks of the necessity for patience, I will tell you up front, I have never been a patient person. But that was ok. While Joan was practicing her “patience” skills I kept busy with all the fish. I am very happy that Joan was able to master the art of patience. I guess I just preferred catching fish.

It quickly became evident that Joan’s calling was on the filleting side of our fishing adventure, and I did manage to keep her busy. Given the volume of fish I was supplying, she did an amazing job. You would have to eat at least two fish fillets before you found a bone. Some opined that she was trying to kill me with fish bones, but since she kept inviting me back, I chose to assume that the calcium was good for my growing bones and she simply had my best interests at heart.

Joan: I call bullshit...but carry on Chris.. I still have the filleting knife and I know how to use it.

I found I got even more invites if I phoned her on the weekends to remind her that she had the access to worms and that the fish weren’t going to catch themselves. I guess after years of watching how easily and often I would reel them in, she began to think that perhaps they did catch themselves. As for those ponderings about her looking forward to sleeping in when she retires, I have my doubts. Not once, while I was around, did I see her sleep in. Every time I called, no matter how early, she would always answer the phone and mumble something about not having the worms yet. Then it was mumble, mumble, mumble … coffee, and I will so kick your early morning (mumble) when I see you in a couple hours you (mumble) little (mumble). Not sure what that was all about, but she always showed up with worms.

Joan: he just made that up...I swear. The phone would ring and I would tell Gordon not to answer it because I KNEW WHO IT WAS.

She was always very considerate that way. She would bring two for her, and a couple dozen for me. Perhaps her drowning two worms prepared her for the carnage of filleting all those fish later.

Joan: I'm sorry to interject again... I had to bring a 100 for you, because you would only take the BIG ones and left the little red wiggler guys for us.

As a young boy, living on or near the Red River, with parents who wouldn’t dream of spending time jousting, my aunt Joan was a God send! Not only did she take the time to take and teach me, she did it often. A lot of lessons are learned while watching the river flow by. I owe a lot to my aunty Baloney.

When I was twelve years old, I was fortunate enough to be invited to Victoria to go salmon fishing with my uncle Zack. An early morning departure from Winnipeg resulted in a late morning arrival in Victoria. Once at my uncle’s house, being the well mannered little boy that I was, I quickly asked when we were going fishing. My uncle Zack looked out the window and simply said it was too rough to go out. I asked how he knew that and he pointed out the gently swaying leaves of the tree in his back yard.

Now having spent a lot of time with Joan, I recognized a “fish story” right away. Once again, showing my fine upbringing I explained to Zack that he didn’t have to lie to me. If he didn’t want to go fishing, he could just tell me.

A funny smile came over his face, and he told me to get my shoes on. Now I can’t say that I had ever been in ten foot swells riding a sixteen foot boat, but something about us being on the ocean just then didn’t feel right.

After about an hour, we got a hit. I set the hook, and started to reel in my first salmon. The salmon had other ideas and I let it run. That was when Zack started the teasing. “Come on! It is just a little fish! What are you letting it run for?”

Fortunately, Joan had prepared me well for this sort of fishing banter. By this time I had listened to six years of similar banter that resulted in Joan unhappily eating those words, but happily eating my fish. So I simply told Zack that I knew what I was doing. I’d been taught by the best for the past six years so I know when to let a fish run and when to ignore a jealous fisherman.

About fifteen minutes later we had a thirty-two pound salmon in the boat. Now in the spirit of full disclosure, it was a good thing that Zack was both quick and good with the net. When that fish surfaced next to the boat, it freaked me out more than just a little.

That fish was longer than I was tall. I guess since we are on the topic, I should also thank Joan for always being there with the net for me. Not once did that rising bile problem get in the way of netting my big fish.

Joan: You did good...let'r run...and try to getter back slowly . Remember the huge bruise I had on my stomach getting in that 20 pound cat fish. I was holding the rod in my stomach and I didn't even notice it while I was trying to get it in. I took almost an hour. It was unbelievable.

In more recent years, I have shared with Joan many pictures of me holding 48 pound salmon and 78 pound halibut. I guess I feel the need to share these things with my sensei.

Now it is my turn to pass on the fishing bug and have happily sat in a boat and operated the net while my daughters and their friends and cousins reel in the fish. I hope I am as great a teacher as mine was. I’ve already screwed up once, and my daughter Jessica reminds me of it often. The biggest fish Jessica has caught so far was lost right next to the boat because dad forgot the net on shore. I can’t in all honesty say that Joan ever made such an egregious error. But then she has always been pretty sneaky.

Thank you Joan for the trip down memory lane. And thank you for being one of my teachers. This student has gone far with the help of many teachers. Joan will always be one of my best teachers

Joan: And Chris you will always be he coolest guy I ever met. And I love being you auntie balonie.

Rock on.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

My posse

I found a missing little pot head in my files today. Tomorrow I'm going to get them to do tricks for you. Even if Jude thinks they are ugly.... she's just going to have to get used to it.
Note: I don't smoke pot...I'm just blowing smoke up your asses so to speak. You know me. I hope. I just like to kid.

My nephew Chris tried to comment on my blog where I challenged him to dispute who was the best fisherperson. Apparently, he was so long winded that blogger shut him down. He was protesting a "little too much" thinks ..heh.

I will post his response tomorrow...because I don't have enough time tonight to download his very large"word file" he attached to his email where he wanted to persuade everyone on my blog site that he .. was the best fisherperson in the world. Even though he was only six years old when we started fishing together.....I don't care ... he was a cocky little bugger:)

Stand by!

Balonie....making sure you know who caught the fish and brought them home to Liza.

I love this song.

I's the B'y (Boy)

Canadian Folk Song from the Maritimes..

I's the b'y that builds the boat
And I's the b'y that sails her,
I's the b'y that catches the fish,And brings them home to Liza.

Hip yer partner*, Sally Tibbo,Hip yer partner, Sally Brown,Fogo, Twillingate, Moreton's Harbour,**All around the circle! Sods and rinds to cover your flake,***Cake**** and tea for supper,Codfish in the spring o' the yearFried in maggoty butter.

Chorus: I don't want your maggoty fish,That's no good for winter,I could buy as good as that,Down in Bonavista.

Chorus;I took Liza to a dance, As fast as she could travel, And every step that she did takeWas up to her knees in gravel.

Chorus: Susan White, she's out of sight,Her petticoat wants a border,Old Sam Oliver in the dark,He kissed her in the corner.

Chorus: I's the b'y that builds the boat And I's the b'y that sails her,I's the b'y that catches the fish,And brings them home to Liza.

I wish you could dance with me to this tune...I have loved it forever.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I'm free at last.

But I will butter this baby up when I have time...Gotta love my pot heads tho. They are staying.

Sparkles are she is so good.

Good soup for supper...mennonite farmer sauage soup, mit da brot. (crusty bread) .. then we old farts will lay our heads on our pillows and wish to live another day.

Such is the life of those over the fine line.

Monday, March 08, 2010

I don't know if I can take a week of it

I wonder if I will ever find an uglier one.

Gotta go and pay the bills and be a responsible citizen. So bye.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Freaky template contest

I am going to change my template every weekend until the end of April ... I know, I pretty much do that anyway.....but this time I am going for the ugly. Or uglier as the case may be. And let me tell you there is a lot of crap to chose from out there.

Nothing pleases me, so I might as well just go with the ugly.

At the end of April I want you to vote for the ugliest template and the winner will get my new never seen before DVD workout tape wearing my motorcycle gear. There were a few unfortunate incidents that occurred while taping, and of course I apologize to Penny for dropping the camera on her head. I had it on a mini tripod, but somebody needed to sniff and and tip it.

If, by this time you can still see, and the sparkles haven't blinded you I want to tell you a little story about the cake I made today. I pride myself in making cakes from a box mix. But, today things took a turn. Apparently our house has shifted overnight. How in the hell will we ever sell it?

I'm pretty sure it will taste as ugly as it looks. Ugly Blog template, ugly cake. I think we got a theme going on here. If you are wondering what those little things sticking up from it are ...walnuts..I hope.

balonie...this cake is for you!

In my quest for the most ugly blog template

I found this one.

It's hard to read, narrow, it sparkles and the content is really bad.

My work here is done.

balonie... taking the low road.

Friday, March 05, 2010

PONDERISMS as sent to me from my nephew Chris

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
My nephew Chris, is one smart cookie. He loves to read, laugh, be a terrific husband and father to his children.

When he was a kid before he and his family moved to BC we spent a lot of time together. I taught him how to fish. I taught him how to dig up worms for fishing. Big fat juicy ones. I taught him how to put them on the pickerel rigs. I took him fishing almost every weekend. Once he caught on how to catch the fish, he became competitive. Suddenly auntie Joanie balonie was no longer the teacher but the enemy. Every weekend it was "game on." Let's see who catches the biggest fish of the day. We had a rule.. that yellow belly cat fish were not in the mix. They were just gross.

Nobody wanted to eat them. So everything else that came out of the river was a contender. Even Carp....and real cat fish and bass and Pickerel. When my Mom and Dad were alive Chris was with us a lot of the time and we used to have a .25 cent bet for the first fish caught after we threw in our lines. But, it couldn't be a yellow belly cat fish...or a boot from some guy that drowned in the river.

When we got to the "Spot" as we used to call the part of the river we fished.
Chris...being his competitive self raced to the banks of the Red River and baited his hooks, threw in his lines and waited while we old folks set up our coolers, camping chairs, beer and our fishing equipment. The kid wanted to win.

He was a good fisherman. My dad always said the the art of fishing was patience, and Chris was. Most kids get frustrated and start whining if they don't get a nibble. Not Chris. There was .25 cents on the line and his rep. And mostly he wanted to beat me because I was always on his ass trying to beat him.

We still argue about who was the best fisherperson...but I think it would be me...heh

When he sent this tonight I just started to remember stuff.... and wow....

It was a lovely time in those days.

Love you Fish...and I dare you comment about how many more fish you caught than I did.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Swine that I am.

Pork roast night.

Let's just feel sorry for the pig after I finish cooking it. It may have given up it's life to my cookery for sweet bugger all. I tried a new recipe. I smell brown sugar burning in the oven. I ignore it. Whipped up a little mac and cheese and veggies as sides.

Let's bet that we only get to eat the mac and cheese and the veggies. Carb's and veggies are okay. I don't have any other meat (protein) in the fridge to cook if I fuck it up.
Oh never mind.... I have a dog. Penny...come to mama.

Balonie....just giving you the gears!

She didn't wind up in the pot. Only because she has such an attractive jelly belly. And with her ball catching skills. She knows how to keep me from cooking her.

Monday, March 01, 2010

March 1st.

Two more months until I will be set free from slavery. I have songs of freedom ringing in my brain.

I wish by golly I could spread my wings and fly
And let my grounded soul be free for just a little while
To be like eagles when they ride upon the wind
And taste the sweetest taste of freedom for my soul.

Heh, kind of heavy stuff for me to be writing isn't it? I'm so ready to bust out of these chains that bind me.

What this means to me:

I can come and go whenever I want to.

I don't have to cram all the housework and Gord's bookwork for the business into one weekend.

I can play and walk my dog whenever I want to.

I can sleep in (this is a biggie for now) I am sure I will get up earlier when I realize nobody expects me to get the hell up.

I can watch late night movies if I want to without the nagging thought of....I will feel like shit in the morning.

I can visit friends.

I can shop during the day.

I won't be pissed off every time someone invites us for "something" over the weekend. As it is now, I feel they are stealing my time. Because I have to get everything done in two days. When I was younger this wasn't a problem because I had all kinds of energy. Now, I guess I'm slowing down a bit. I think I have offended some people by not showing up for an event; but I'm just not able to keep up with it. First things first, and that's the way it is.

Balonie.... measuring her time.