Thursday, November 29, 2007

House frau life

I wonder if anyone really appreciates me?...I'm looking at you Gordon. I just did a marathon after work tonight. I do it most days, but I think it goes's all just here when he gets home and I make it look easy. Why, sure I am usually sitting at my computer when he finally gets home, the I get up and finish off all the prep I had done before.

Fer an instance...

I left work at 4:30 PM. Braved the icy roads to Safeway. I was missing a few items for the supper I had conjured up in my head on my coffee break. Picked up some fish for supper, and began worrying about tomorrows lunch...I'm beginning to hate sandwich meat from the deli, because it has so much salt in it. We only have about 45 minutes to meet and eat at home and go back to work, so it always has to be something fast. I always have a huge bowl of fat free 3 bean salad on hand (it lasts a week)...and it's really good, so that is our veggie, but we only have time to slap a sandwich together after that. So, I thought I would buy a huge box of frozen chicken breasts that were on sale, and bake them in the oven the night before for sandwiches. Lots of times we have leftover beef, chicken etc. but not always.

So I bought a box of frozen chicken breasts (that were on sale). When I got home I had to deprogram the dog, who was had been waiting for me since lunch, play...fake play... whatever... I needed to get the show on the road. After dragging in all my groceries, up a flight of stairs... to the kitchen I was getting a little tired...anyway, the show must go on.

Penny wasn't finished with me yet, we had to throw the ball out the patio door, 4,769 times. Then I lifted my groceries up on the counter and put them away. I realized then, I had bought a huge box of chicken breasts that would need re-packaging in freezer bags...shit. Now I had to repackage it all. I did it. Just a note, those cheap boxed chicken breasts looked abused. It looked like someone had run after them with a sword and tried to swipe off their little breasts. It was ugly. Bastards... But, fortunately I had freezer bags, I never have anything I need! So, I put their little breast souls to rest in a nice freezer baggy. This was time consuming, I had not even started supper yet. It was 6:10 PM when I finished putting them in the freezer. I left out 3 of them for our lunch for tomorrow. I defrosted them, and put a little sauce and them and put them in the oven to bake.

Then I needed to wash out a few pots and pans from the night before that didn't fit in the dishwasher...did that. I put in a new load of dishes that had accumulated under my double sink that I was hiding from two days ago. okay. I know.

Start to make supper. I bought frozen Basa fillets. Ahhhhh...crap another problem. I took two fillets out of the bag and put them under warm water to thaw them out. My microwave defrost cycle isn't kind to fish. So I have to give them a bath.....then did other stuff, clean .. wipe..ignore the dog, pour myself a very large glass of wine. Smell chicken baking ..yum. But that is not for supper, so forget about that asshole. (I was talking to myself).

Dog needs another ball run out the back door. By now, I'm saying...go and freeze your girly parts off, because this is getting OLD. I let dog sit at the door until she learns her lesson. I take her frozen body in the kitchen and put her in the oven to thaw out. Just kidding, I put her the microwave, it would have taken too long in the oven. Anyway, play time had ended, because I had shit to do and I needed all my appliances for cooking, not for dog thawing.

The bean salad had to be put in a smaller container, along with more fresh onions, which I chopped up.

Now I needed to bread the fish. I got together 3 dishes, one for cornflakes crumbs, one for whole wheat flour, and one for the egg mixture for breading. Dipped and flipped and breaded those fillets and put them aside.

By this time my chicken breasts were done. Took them out to cool.

I always make Gord fresh juice every night when he comes home. He is a juice junky. So instead of the crap he was drinking before his "incident".. I make my own. It's not that much work, just throw in a orange, strawberries, blueberries, a half a can of diet Fresca cherry drink or whatever you have on hand...non sweetened pineapple etc. and blend it up. He loves it. Sometime I put in a half of banana...or whatever.

Then, I got the asparagus from the crisper, and popped off the ends and put them in a pot to boil. Then I got out my low fat taters from the freezer and stuck them in the oven.

Waited for the the fish to cook..... then we had supper... mannnnn. It was yummy.

I am always so rushed after work, maybe I'm not organized enough, but there never seems to be enough time. Especially now, that we eat two meals a day at home. I'm always planning something new in my head.

Then I am so tired after that I don't have me no more jam...I turn to jelly and go to bed, and it starts all over again the next day. jelly. No wonder I couldn't keep up with posting every day this month. Especially with our car and tenant troubles this month. I am surprised I did as much as I did. But, at least talking about it keeps me sane.

I always look forward to the weekends, even if I know full well something will come up and I can't do what I want to do. Something always comes up. I know some of my friends don't understand why I don't do more for myself. For me alone. Well, it's hard to explain. Gord and I are in this life experience for better or worse. Yes, we bitch, natter and clatter...but, we always have had each others back. No matter what. Not your normal marriage probably, but it's ours. It's been a rough go this year with his "incident", our vehicles, etc. and now tenants moving out of our rental building. But, fuck...we are still alive to talk about it. No point feeling sorry for yourself; jest get up in the morning and do it all over again, and hope you get it right the next time.

I so envy some of our neighbours...they have all retired at the age of 55. Where did we go wrong? I'll tell you where, we didn't work for the man, we have our own business. And it took a little longer to hit the jackpot than we thought. It will come. We have a good plan.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Lozza more snow on the way tonight

I don't care...bring it on. I have a 4 wheel drive.

Gord isn't home yet, our rental building has slowly become almost "vacant" we are scrambling for tenants. This happens every 5 years or so. So he has been advertising, etc. and is showing the offices to a potential tenant tonight. It's funny how that goes, every now and again when leases are up, or it's time to move on with those that don't have one....poof they are gone! I hate being a Landlord. I hate it with all my heart. But, this is our second income, and it will have to stay that way until we sell the building, and it couldn't come soon enough for me. Once we retire, that will be our cash in the bag. Until then..."grief."

I remembered to charge my cell phone tonight. I never do. I always wonder why nobody phones me. But, now that ole man winter has set in, I'm thinking ..hey.. I might just need to phone someone to pick me out of a ditch or something. So, I'm getting a little better at this, but the only problem is.......... I forget to take it out of the charger in the mornings... I could be dead in a ditch and no one would know. On second thought, if I would be dead in a ditch, I wouldn't have need the phone, would I? Perhaps it's time I went to bed, I seem to be going in circles tonight.

I didn't I'm still here

I need to tell you about my Christmas Tree challenges. I want a new (artificial tree) this year. I am going away from the traditional, and want a prelit frosty looking one. I think it's called "flocked." hmmmmm... yeah. I want a flocked Christmas tree. They look beautiful. I did say flocked didn't I? ...with out laughing....ahhhaaa now I can't stop laughing. I was all over the Internet today trying to buy one, and apparently flocked trees are more expensive than virgin trees. What gives? So, I'm thinking I will just have to buy a big ole can of phony snow and flock my old tree. I never thought I'd be that lonely. But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I hope she/he respects me in the morning.


Monday, November 26, 2007


I got my my Explorer back. No more Stinkin Lincoln. It was sticky business, and it almost came to the last moment before the big snowfall before we could put er back to bed. Phewwwww. Long story short, Gord found a van that he doesn't really like, and it's my fault because he didn't buy one earlier. Hey, I have big shoulders, lay it on man!

He had to back peddle a little last week when the brakes became wonky, and he took it out during a mild snowfall, and spun out and ended up backwards in someones driveway. He always told me, don't worry about the brakes...just keep on pumping them...they will stop! Fortheloveofcanadiantire.....take it in and get it, they still stop if you pump them!! He had a van lined up that very afternoon. Isn't that funny, I bitch about something and until he experiences's not a problem. Jest us ole folks nattering.

That chapter is over. I am sure a new chapter will open. OY VEY... I should have been Jewish, because it is really "always something" around here, you don't know the half of it, and the guilt...oy.

Lots of snow here today. But who gives a shit, I got a 4 wheel drive....winter can kiss my snowy white ass.

My poor Penny Loafer, was really disappointed today when I wouldn't go down and play with her in the snow tonite. The winds were just a howling, and I didn't have the jam to jam with her out in the cold. She is looking at me right now, with those huge sad brown eyes, and it is breaking my heart. But do I want to freeze my ass off? No. Do I want to disappoint a little doggie who has been patiently waiting for me to come home all day in anticipation of playing ball in the back yard? No. So what should I do? Fuck it..... I'm going out...where are my boots?

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Just a minute I have a meme type thing to do

This is from Dorie...thanks!

You are supposed to go on Google and type in your name (Joan) needs, and see what comes up.

Mine came up...Open Book: All your Pope Joan needs? I didn't know women could be Pope. You guys can call me "Your Popeness." heh!

I liked the second one best: Its came up "Joan Needs A Man" ha~

The next one was to answer a question using the first letter of your name (J)

Musical Group: Jam Tart ~ is my nose growing?
3 letter word: Jam
Gift I'd Like: A jar of JAM
A vehicle or transport: Jaguar -- cause they gotta lot of JAM
TV Show: JAM - Jam is a British comedy television series created by Chris Morris. It was based on the earlier BBC Radio 1 show, Blue Jam, and consisted of a series of unsettling sketches unfolding over an ambient soundtrack- see I did my homework!
Country: Jamaica Mon
Boys Name: Jamel
Alcoholic Drink: Apple Jamtini
Occupation: Jam Broker
Flower: Jamcyle Lily
Celebrity: Prince Jammy (look it up!)
A word you shout: JUCK THAT FAM

okay, i made a few up.

Friday, November 23, 2007

I know

Joanie a turd opps I meant many diversions.... lots of stuff to tell. Let's talk on Sunday. Put on your helmuts.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I am Memeless

Today was the first snowfall of the season, so of course I had to change my template.

I couldn't find the Meme Brenda said she sent in my email, and Dories link didn't work. What are you people trying to do to me? I guess I gotta make my own. This won't be pretty. And you have heard it all before.

What is your least favourite car:

1979 Lincoln mint condition except for the brakes; don't get me started. If they fail some little sucker in a Honda is going to be crushed like a bug.

Does your husband ever piss you off:

Why, yes he does. Because he won't fix the brakes on the Lincoln before spring. He bought a new van yesterday, but I haven't seen it yet, so I am still doing my imitation of a kamikaze pilot on the streets of Winnipeg in the Lincoln..with shaky brakes. He has a myriad of faults I won't go into here right now. Oh yeah, he won't become computer literate....but makes me look up every boring thing he is interested in on the Internet. That sucks the big one.

Why do your shoes smell funny?

Because my backyard is still covered with leaves, hiding the dog's personal toilet. Unfortunately I didn't notice my shoes were covered in fecal matter until I walked in from the patio, through the kitchen, into the hallway, down the stairs to the front door to take off my shoes. A little to late with a trail of shit behind me.

Do you still make your own wine?

Yes I do. My inventory is a little low at the moment. I actually had to go to the liquor store and buy the real stuff. I have some brewing, and actually stepped up the process because I don't have the time to sit around waiting for it to do it's thing. I shaved a week off the processing time. Go me! You know the saying, "no wine is fine before it's time".... time is only in the palette of the beholder.

How is Penny Loafer doing?

Penny turned 8 in November. She has been an a amazing dog compared to the little darlings I had before her. No vet bills in 8 years other than check ups and her shots. Touch Wood! She is slowing down a bit, and I worry about her long back and try not to let her go crazy chasing the ball and squirrels outside. We have so many stairs in this god forsaken house, so it's a challenge for any dog to do the multitude of stairs.

Walks are still a challenge, she still wants a piece of every dog she encounters. So I have sneak around the neighbourhood. So, to keep the peace I put up with it, because I know she will never be any different. She is wonderful to any people that come to our home, but when she is outside it's a different story. She wants to protect us from any intruders. She is..who she is.

Why do you blog?

I don't know. Sometimes I want to just up and quit, and the next minute I want to sit down and write. It's a little crazy. All I know is I am glad I found blogging. I used to go on chat lines years ago, but that got old pretty quick. I don't really know why I do's just something I love to do.

How has the weight loss been going?

Super, I am maintaining about 138 lbs. The perfect weight for me. I have never been obsessed with my weight, it has yo-yo ed from 135-160 over the last 30 years. Usually I can maintain 150...but just when I'm not looking or thinking about it, it goes up. Usually when I am in a happy place. When I am content and don't have a lot of worries. As soon as any shit hits the fan, I cannot eat and and I loose weight like crazy. But this time I am aware of what triggers my moods and even if I feel content, I don't just overeat. Hell, I don't ever overeat. I don't even like food that much. I just relaxed too much and make bad food choices. Not anymore.

I'm even wearing low rise jeans........I still got my mom jeans for comfort, but I got a few ass kicking low risers I wear when I wanna feel young.

What is your biggest fear?

Driving the Lincoln

What is your favourite food?

Barbecued Baby Back Ribs, with rice and salad. Forever. It's been a year since I tasted them. Lordy.

What is you favourite dessert?

I'm not much of a sweet eater, but if I had a choice....Banana Cream,Cherry or apple pie. I lurves anything pie.... with a little vanilla ice-cream on top. The rest can go the hell. Oh, I just forgot I like Carrot Cake, but without the icing. I used to like a cake my mom used to make when we were young. It was a angel food cake, and she would put an icing on it called "gone with the wind" icing. I loved it. It was light and a little crispy after it cooled down. I'm not a good baker, so I haven't even tried to figure it out.

How come you keep changing your templates?

Because I'm getting to old to keep changing my furniture around my house. I used to do that on a monthly basis. Gord never knew where the couch or the bed was going to be after he got home from work. I was ... like crazy....not like I am now...heh. I still pull a few switches, but not like I used to. So, my templates have become my "change of scenery"... it's much easier than trying to move that couch around...or my office...Lord I moved my computer to every corner you could imagine. Thank God for laptops!! I still use my desktop when I am writing my blogs, it just feels right.

What's for supper tonight?

Grilled chicken breasts in mesquite sauce...rice and salad. Dessert: Sliced apples. Have you tried the new Honey Crisp Apples that are out now....yummmers.

Do you have gas?
Why, yes I do. Did you just hear me fart? I apologize ... it was not lady like. It wasn't loud.. Gord always says the "smell was for the benefit of those that didn't hear it." I hope he enjoys it.
I will wrap up my homemade Meme...and you will be left with nothing you didn't know before. That's the way I like it.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my Merican friends....I'll be thinking of you while you are eating all your traditional yams, green bean casseroles, deviled eggs, and of course Tom da Turkaaaay. And let's not forget the cornbread. I have never had a green bean casserole, deviled eggs or cornbread.... so invite me down next year, it sounds interesting. I had yams once, and it wasn't bad.
Happy Thanksgiving!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Hitting the sack...

I got my memes all lined up for tomorow, thanks Brenda and Dorie...but this old broad has to get her ass to bed tonight. We have had so much crap going on tonight.....And some of it good....

Hey....that never happens.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Pot Roast and baked spuds on the menu

But not without some grief. Nothing ever goes right around here kids. The roast I bought looked "lean and mean." It was only $10.00 bucks that should have been my first hint. When I got it home, it was a fatty Mchatty. The front of it was lean looking as could be, but once I inspected it with my fat inspector eyes...I found fat and gristle to be running though dat dere piece of cow. So, I eviscerated it. I cut it up..I did! I took every piece of fat and gristle out of it, and was left with ... not much. That is the second time Safeway has fooled me with the look of the piece of beef....never again. Bastards! I usually go to Superstore for my roasts, but as luck would have it, Superstore is much further than Safeway, and because I don't have any brakes on my car, I have to take the shortest road home after work so I don't cause a horrible accident which could kill me and innocent people. Hey, don't worry, I know how to pump em when shit comes to shove.

You don't shop on the weekends? Nope. I shop as I need. I never know what I want for supper, and if I buy a whole crap load of stuff, it is stuffed away in the freezer and I never see it again. Yes, I know this is not thrifty. But it works for me.

I never thought I would say this, but would someone send me a Meme.

I can't possibly be talking about my car woes, and lame food issues anymore. I only have about 20 minutes to do this every night and it's getting old people...older than the dog shit in my back yard. Penny?...are you listening.

So, if you don't want to hear me talking about my car, dog shit, pot roasts and Angel Man..sigh.... GIVE ME A FRICKING MEME....RIGHT NOW! I promise, I will make it interesting...I won't embellish, haaaaa...

Yours truly


Sunday, November 18, 2007

Now isn't that a cute little guy?

He oozes sweetness...for some reason this little guy is still with me, through at least 4 computer crashes. I always find him even though my backup's were sporadic and sloppy.

A couple of years ago I made Christmas Cards with the little guy and the bird. It was a big undertaking because ...well you got to print all that shit out without your printer going AWOL. Which happened many a time. It would print the outside and it wouldn't print the inside...inside outside....let's just call the whole thing off!! Forget it! I like to do something homemade and special, like the cards ...

Let's remember the year I tried to crochet 5 afghans in the month of November, and got carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrist. One could say, she should have started in ...let's say July. Well you would be wrong, because I only move when my spirit moves me. When that force kicks my ass, I am off an running. Nothing stops me. Until my wrist turned on me. Jeez, I can't remember a more painful experience. I couldn't even help"hippychick" move the next summer because I couldn't move that sucker. It lasted a whole year. So, now I will just give presents that require no effort. But in my heart of hearts, I would love to do some homemade stuff, it just makes me feel so good. Maybe once I am retired I can do it at a slower pace and not get so wired. But I wouldn't count on that.

I got me some good fixin's in the oven. Sweet and Sour Pork Chops+meatballs. I have changed up the recipe a bit for our new lifestyle changes....but it sure smells good. I forgot to buy salad fixing yesterday, so we will have it with rice and green beans instead of salad.

It snowed today...yes the first snowfall of the season. And yes, the Lincoln still is without brakes and shit..... Gord's new truck should be here by next week. Wish me luck...while I kiss my ass goodbye. He will get them fixed tomorrow, but I still don't like driving that big mother F*n pimpmobile in the snow... If I don't scream "old fart" while driving it...nothing does. Now I will be the cautious "old broad" out there that pisses everyone on the road off. I hope Angel Man will magically appear in my passenger seat and guide me home. Then, I will take him and his fluffy feathers, jump into the HUGE backseat of the Lincoln and bless him.

buhbye for this year Angel Man... or maybe I will see you tomorrow?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Hey I have great news

I cleaned my fridge. hold on.....Don't be so quick to hit the delete button partners....

There is fridge cleaning... and there is fridge clean up. I did both. I have two hefty garbage bags waiting for de garbage mon. This also includes crap I cleaned out of my cupboards.

The house feels "light".... even as I sit here in my little office, I can hear angels singing in my kitchen. I haven't seen Angel Man yet, but he never shows up until Christmas...the little minx.

I went shopping today, and my brakes went out on me, again. I should stop walking so fast j/k.

Fucking car!!

The poor ole stinking Lincoln isn't used to being used as a family car, and now she is getting cranky and pissing out brake and power steering fluids. All she wants, is to put back in the garage for winter like she was for 20 years. I feel sorry for her, we used up what she had left by driving her so much this summer. Yeah...cry me a river...

I'll take Angel man off get your fill of him today.... savour the moment.

Friday, November 16, 2007

I brought back Angel Man

He restores my soul... and he's not bad on the ole eye balls either. I bring him back every November..and again sometimes in December, because I like his feathers. I wonder what he is doing for a living right now? Probably making goose quilts in a convent ..with nuns hovering around him.... trying to smell him, while he diligently works at his craft of making goose quilt covers for the needy this time of year. He is my Santa.

Ever since my parents told me there wasn't a Santa (that was the day I set fire to the house) I have waited for him to return, then two years ago I found Angel Man and my hope was restored. ...and here he is again two years in a row. He must be real. Because his picture has not self destructed in my hard drive. I take that as a good sign.

Last year at Christmas I put out milk and cookies for him ..beside the fireplace....and they were untouched, and I was so sad. However, this year I have a plan. Knowing he is part..Angel and part hunky man.... I might set out some treats for the both of them to enjoy. For his Angelness part, I am putting out "clouds in a blanket" unlike pigs in a blanket it won't have a thick covering of lard. I was thinking .."air" trapped between a tempura coating, lightly fried in Canola oil. And for his manly side, I was thinking of going with beef. Until I realized I have a dog and it would be gone before he got down the chimney. So I looked at Angel Man again and again, and came to the conclusion, he probably is a vegetarian. So I am leaving him a head of broccoli wrapped up in ribbon. I was going to do Brussels sprouts, but they look like two balls tied in ribbon...and I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I have a google issue..get me a tissue

I am trying to translate a web site from French to English. Google says its done that, but when I get on the web site, it's FRENCH. And Google has says "this web site had now been translated to English." Lying bastards! Non. No comprehend...whatever! assholes (meaning the web site I am trying to go on) why are trying to sell your wares all over the world on your website, and you don't even take the time out to get your webmaster to allow for the choice of ....ENGLISH OR FRENCH? You let Google try to translate it... and you can see how well that went.

I can't believe I live in a country where we can't communicate. We were all told many years ago that if we were going to try to get jobs in this country we would have to be able to communicate in French and English. Our Government spent trillions of dollars putting both French and English on every products we buy, because Quebec demanded it. And now French is a language that is taught in most schools. I don't have a problem with that at all. Everyone should have a second language.

So, why couldn't I speak to the receptionist at the car dealership in Quebec I called today. I can't speak French, she can't speak English.. do we really live in the same country? I am confused. I may as well have called France. Quebec is only ONE Province in Canada, why do they have this power? Why is the rest of the countrty expected to speak their language? Yes, we have French speaking communities in our area, but they can also speak English for god's sake, they don't have to have read labels in French.

Most of this country is English speaking, and to force us to learn and speak French for one Province is absurd. They are the minority, it's up to them to make the change not the rest of us. I pay for that every fucking day I buy a can of soup...and Safeway is obligated to have the French and English sides showing equalling... on each brand and each kind of soup. It's mind boggling.

So that's my beef for tonite. Hopefully tomorrow I will lighten up, because I'm getting sick of myself. And of course the Canadian Government. Bastards!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'm tired and I wanna go ta bed

Internet: Well, what are you waiting for balonie?

Balonie: What's it to you Internet Scminternet?

Internet: If you are tired, why are you tying up space and saying "dick" all?

Balonie: ummm.. ohh realllllllly.

Internet: Balonie, you might have to re-think posting absolute crap on our dime... every damn night.

Balonie: I pay my fricking Internet provider 40 bucks a month to bore you to death everyday. So put that in your pipe and smoke it .. I'll post whatever I wanna. And guess what, today I had two bowel movements. HA! How anal and boring is that.

Internet: We knew you were full of shit when you signed up, and I can see we were right.

Balonie: Listen up Internets.... when I signed up, I said WYSIWYG...what part of that didn't you understand?

Internet: What we understood by that was: What. You. See. Is. Women. Young. Going (nakid). We totally thought you were a porn site. We were so disappointed when we saw you had no interest in sex as we see it. How old are you anyway? We will unlink you from our porn sites. Your blog has no business in the sex trade. Could we interest you in a new venue for seniors..we call it CYCPOYSA. (Crafts.You.Can.Paint.On.Your.Spouces.Ass). A blog giving suggestions on what to paint, where to paint it, and what happened after you painted it. I'ts still a little sexy, but it will work well for all those that are a little slow on the draw..heh...and for the handicapped it would be a blessing. It's a win win as far as we see it on the Internet.

Balonie: Yeah, I'm in... I'll paint any one's ass for a price. What's your best offer?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Ha.. I love the guy with the rolling pin on my header

Her/his face says everything, no words are needed.

"Take one more step sucka...and you will be wearing this rolling pin." That's the way I've been looking at Gord these he is still looking for a van ..SO I CAN HAVE MY TRUCK BACK!...ohhh sorry I hope you had your volume turned down.

The search is still on. Tomorrow ...we should have a resolution. Or not %^&%$$

And it can not come soon enough. nuff said.

My last load of laundry is still sitting in the dryer from yesterday. I decided it wasn't ripe enough, so I let it sit there one more day, until I need something to wear from that load.

I had such a shit pile of crap to do today after work, I almost stuck my head in the oven. But once I put the chicken in for supper, I was glad I didn't put my head in that dirty pile of crap. I have a self cleaning oven!! But it never seems to clean itself. Do I have to push a button or something? Yeah I know I do. But I don't. It takes two hours, and I have to be in attendance, and I rarely am in attendance in my kitchen for two hours at a stretch. So, for now it looks like the bottom of one of those grease pits where you get your cars oil changed.

You know what pisses me off. Most American companies are still only giving us our money at par. Bastards! They were only too fricking happy to charge our asses off all these years when their money was worth more than ours, and now they won't calculate the exchange rate on a daily basis, like we used to have to pay with theirs. I'm going to start glaring at their flag. I know they don't take kindly to any kind of flag shenanigans... so youse Americans I'm Glaring.. I didn't say I was going to burn it or anything, but if my glare gets too intense, it might just ignite, and that would not be my fault. We have been paying exchange since the 60's fortheloveofmike! Give us a little break..would ya. Phone your President, and tell them Balonie .... is a little ticked.

Monday, November 12, 2007

A girl can't get nuttin done

This girl, had her share of senior moments much as I hate that term, it applied.

Today was a holiday, and I started my laundry at 11:06 AM. (yes I got up before 12:00) on a holiday Monday. I threw the first load in, went back upstairs and had my coffee and read the newspaper. Gord had to go, so I threw some lunch together, cleaned up and did some blog walking. I went back downstairs about 1/2 an hour later, and found that my washer had taken a walk around the laundry room. I guess the load must have been unbalanced and she took herself for a walk. I pushed it back against the wall and aligned it up with the dryer. I thought I would just be able to put the timer back on spin cycle and away she would go. But no. Son of a bitch, I really didn't need this today, because I did babee showering yesterday on my laundry day, ...and I wanted this day FOR MY SELF. So, finally I had to phone my appliance repairman husband. Yes, he mumbled on the phone, I will come home and ..mumble mumble...

He got here around 2:00 PM. He went downstairs, stuck a little screwdriver on something or other and that bad ass started to spin. Well, shit. Just to make a long story short, I tried to put it back on spin cycle when I had the lid open.....welllll, yeah I guess it won't start to spin. Someone could loose a limb. He gave the evil eye and went back to work, and charged me 35.00 bucks for the service call. You would think I would get a family discount, because like we are MARRIED.

It didn't end there. When your day has gone to hell it will stay in hell.
It was almost 2:30 before I found enough change in all my winter jackets and various purses to pay him. heh..

So, I spun the wet clothes out in the washer (with the lid closed this time) and put them in the dryer and put another load in the washer. Then I parked my ass at the kitchen table and did some surfing on the Internet on my laptop. About half an hour I went back down to check the dryer....and they were wet! WTF! Well, I had forgot to turn the dryer on. Good grief! I took the clothes out of the washer that were already washed, threw them on top of the dryer, and threw in another load into the washer. Then I turned on the dryer again, to dry the FIRST LOAD. Can you follow me?

I went back upstairs and decided I had to go and pick up a few groceries while the FIRST load was drying (again). I came back an hour later. Went back down stairs, opened the dryer door, and they were still very very damp!! OYY. Then I looked on the dryer settings, fortheloveoflint, I had it on FLUFF. Cold setting. People, the time was now 5:00 PM in the afternoon and I hadn't finished one stinking load of laundry. I remember putting it on FLUFF or something like that last week to dry some pillows. And left it there.

It's 11:15 PM...and the last load just finished. They were big loads mind you, I don't just put two items in a load, I cram that sucker. And I wonder why my clothes are always wrinkled. Don't tell Gord. I don't need another lecture.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Enough with the negativity

I loved the babee shower. And yes, I fell in love with a babee in attendance. I need this kid, and for some reason she liked me, even though I tapped her on the head with my straw from a glass of coke I was sipping on, 14 times. She wanted more. I turned around at one point and started talking to the people the table, and they would say..Joan..the kid is back for more. Then I would take my straw, and tap her curly head again...and again. Then I fell in love once again. I could do no wrong. Too bad my hormones only started to kick when I turned 62. I might of just made one for myself. Or, I just now started to like the little tots. I have always liked kids, but It's been over twenty years since I have been exposed to them, and hey, they are cute little midgets.

She looks just like her mom, my cousins daughter Jody.

It was fun, they had a private room rented out at "Boston Pizza"...and we were all served pizza and coffee and drinks....and later after the presents were opened we had cake.

It was perfect. And I feel I was such an asshole and wimpy scardy cat. What is wrong with me?

I had such a blast going there with my Cousins wife, who just lives down the street, she offered to pick me I didn't have to embarrass myself driving the stinking Lincoln to a reputable part of town. I did not need pimps offering me deals at a Babee Shower. Ev is such a hoot. We laughed so hard, my ribs hurt. I just love her.

So, my fears went unfounded as usual, and I knew they would. Maybe I should be a canditate for Prozac? Nahhh, I just have to turn my body around and try to kick my ass.

More pics from the shower I didn't want to go to... a little dark, because the room was dark.
This is Portia.....I liked her too.

Melissa, the soon to be Mom with Portia helping opening the presents

My fav niece Lisa....the love of my life. That piece of pizza seems to be floating near Ev on the left, all I would have had done was push it up...and she would have been wearing it. But I didn't. Because she makes me laugh... and of course she was driving ms. balonie home.. I used my better judgement.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

It's Saturday Nite Live...........

Yes, it's me Gilda

Sadly, It's just me joanie balonie, the wannabe.

I have to go to baby shower tomorrow, and I am fretting, I don't like shit like that.

All my relatives will be there I don't even really know who she is...well I know who she is, but I don't really know her.

I know I will have a bang up time with my cousins, so I'm going, but I feel a dark cloud over my head. I bought a new pair of jeans today to wear to the baby shower, I hope the baby likes them. I look so cool in them. I have the ass of a 20 year old. If you could erase my face, I'd be a babe. Damn fine jeans. Damn old face.

I hate baby showers. I hope they don't do all the stupid stuff.. and let us go after two hours of so...palesssse.

Just you watch, tomorrow night I will be full of piss and vineger, and showing all the the shower pics. But for now, I hate them. And I don't want to go. And I think I might have the flu...or pink eye...or a bladder infection. Opp's jest fell off my chair, and I think I wrenched my shoulder. Let's see if that get's me off the hook.

Friday, November 09, 2007

The two people I loved more than life itself

Would have been married 71 years on Sunday. Here they are cleaning up the garden at my house the year before my dad died. They loved our shared garden. I wasn't helping... as you might have noticed, I was sitting at the picnic table have a martini. Yelling at them...hey.. people, this Garden won't clean itself up...hubba hubba. I offered up my garden to my parents after they retired (when my dad was 72) go figure. They used to have a garden plot closer to them, but after we bought our new house, and it had the world's largest garden.....I had to give it to them, before they found out I had a "black thumb". I am sure my mom thought she had taught me all the gardening stuff when we lived in the country. But, I was not paying attention, because if she would have planted "boys"...I would have been all over that. But that didn't happen. I didn't plant, weed and harvest nuthin, that didn't have boys in it.

We had a great time in our shared garden for about ten years. Mom and Dad would come over about twice a week to weed, water and fondle the plants after I came home after work. I really looked forward to those visits. My dogs were so crazy about them too, they knew the precise time they would arrive on those two days, and went looney when they saw them pulling up the driveway. Wiggles, my little black poodle couldn't wait till Mom (who always drank Pepsi) would put down her glass and give her what was left of it. How we laughed. We ususally sat at the old time picnic table ..the bench type. But I had lawn chairs scattered around the garden area too, and one day my dad decided to have a rest on one of them. Unfortunatley the ground was uneven and he went over backwards!!! God, it scared the crap out of me...but he just rolled out of up, with his drink in hand. He did not spill a drop. We laughed some more.

My dad was my fishing buddy, or maybe I was his. We loved fishing. In my younger years we would fish anywhere there was a body of water. He taught me how to bait a hook, how to tell if a fish was nibbling, and how to reel him in. My mom taught me how to cook them. Catfish.... yummm ... I can just taste them now fried in butter. My bro and me like the tails best. Mom used to crisp them up in the pan just for us. I think Ketchup was involved later.

How I miss those days. Family. I don't have any left except my brother and his family, but it's just not the same without the parents. We seem to go our own ways.

Happy Anniversay you don't know how lonely it is without you.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I'm not a quitter...

I'll just fight to the end.

My bud Special K fell by the wayside yesterday too with NABLOPOMO, because she fell asleep after a hard day on the streets of Calgary on her comfy sofa. Yeah, I know..two fells in a sentence is kinda weird, but how could I have prevented that. Now, I could have restructured that sentence, by saying my friend Special K fell asleep by the wayside yesterday after a hard day on the streets of Calgary, oops that may have made her look like a hooker, so I chose not to say that. OR, I could have said, my friend from Calgary fell asleep because Calgary has hard streets. Never the less, it's bye bye NABLOPOMO for the both of us. She didn't seem to have the spirit to go on. Well, I'm just a little (alot) older than her, and I will fight thems NABLOPOMO people. Just because you lost a limb, doesn't make you not want to go back to war! Heh..... I am an crusty ole bitch. And I only restructure my sentences to suit myself.

Are you there Kat?.....let's show them what we are made of. Come can do it...momma says!

Actually, I went through the Randonizer today, and there are a ton of people who only heard of it after it started and they got on board late. So, it really isn't a big deal. Yes, I knew the rules, but I don't think it's meant to be a marathon. Do your best...and meet a lot of new people...that is the actual spirit of this I think. I'm going to enjoy it whether I missed a day or not.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I'm still pretending Nablopomo doesn't know something I am hiding

Ahhh shits...they will catch me. I tried to change the dates in (edit posts)..I know!, I was going to cheat. What does that say about my character?...well, maybe I always like to win. I totally fucked myself up. I have to pay the consequences..........unless they don't notice...heh

If I post really small, I just might be under their radar.... What if they have a prize for the blogger that try's to screw the NABLOPOMO system? I would think they would have something like a "Creative explanation for not posting on the day you were supposed to." AND still give me a prize for going to bed with a really hot 63 year old guy with a gimpy leg and a heart condition and forgot about posting. I should win a prize for that. I should win the Nobel prize.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


I forgot to post yesterday. I need a whack on the ass. I'm no longer in the running, I'm a loser.

I'm just paying em back for not giving me a prize last year. heh...not really! Too much going around here I guess. I remembered it about 12:15 dang!! OR maybe they won't notice.....shhhhh be very quite.... I will carry on with my boyfriend thingie anyway, but that's not too interesting. It didn't end well. Opps, I gave away the ending. Can't I do anything right? Fortheloveofreesespieces PEOPLE! hmmmm Reeces Peanut Butter cups...smooth and yet not too smooth, peanutbuttery yet not to peanutbuttery. There I said Nut and Butt in one word. That should put in back in NABLOPOMO good books again, for being so smart. I think I'm back in folks!

No snow here yet...cross yer fingers and toes for me. I'm still driving the big ole beast. First I spelled that breast.. my mistake..ha! I'm driving the big ole breast. yeahhhhh, I drive my breasts, like cattle on a ranch..very small cattle. My cattle seem to be getting smaller every day. They don't mooo like used to. Now they are going nayeeee.. like goats or something. By golly wouldn't sound effects be great on blogger, let me go over there and give them my new idea for a better blogger experience. If you could hear my breasts talking to each other.... Cool.

Breast #1 to breast #2: Hey skin with a nipple...what's shaking?

Breast #2 to breast #1: Fuck you

Breast #1 to breast #2: Chill out man, have you ever heard about gel bra's?

Breast #2 to breast #1: Yeah, but it don't make em any bigger stupid.

Breast #1 to breast #2: Hey, don't be getting your nipples all in bunch.. I was just trying to help ..flatty Mchatties. I'm in the same boat, but without the attitude.

Breast #2 to breast #1: Duh...well yeah, you were the girl who wouldn't agree with the implants, you flat piece of shit. We needed two to tango my friend.

Breast #1 to breast #2: Oh yeah, I forgot about that...we would have looked kind of silly on Joan. One big cushy one on the left and skin on a nipple on the right.

Breast #2 to breast #1: Yeah so lets do it.....just the one...she is going to be so pissed.


Sunday, November 04, 2007

You know what yanks my chain?

Crappy outside Christmas lights.

Everyone in our neighbourhood decided it was a good day to put up their Christmas lights, before the snow starts to fly. Well, it turned dark quite early today, and I got to see the fruits of their labour. Friends, it wasn't a purty sight.

The people behind us in the next bay put up a numbered house light yesterday. I thought that was kinda neat. TODAY...they put up 24,678 strands of lights that make no sense. Some blink, some don't...there is no rhyme or reason to it. This is what I will have to look out to everyday in my backyard until spring. I hate them. They just spoiled my Christmas. Bastards! Couldn't they have put a cohesive plan together, taking in account that I have to look at this shit every night until we get daylight savings time back? I give them a 0- out of ten.

Yes, I enjoyed the extra hour of sleep this morning, didn't you? Yesterday I changed out all the bedding for winter. I aired out our feather bed top which sits on top of our water bed and put it on the deck railing and whacked the shit out it a hundred times...
You can't wash these things and I swear I saw in my minds eye my grandma wacking her rugs! We are from some wacky stock. We are whacked. Then I got out my "down" comforter up and threw it on the deck railing to air out....only to have a a bird shit on it. Gawwd, what were the odds? Give me a break. But after everything was cleaned up, aired out, clean sheets and pillow cases smelled lovely, and a good sleep was had by all.

I even washed all my windows, inside and out for the first time in 3 years............yeah I know I got lazy. Holy mackerel everything looks so clean.

Then I took my Venetian blinds down from the kitchen window, to clean them in the tub. I haven't paid too much attention to them, they are just there, and I just adjust them if it's too sunny in the room or too dark. I took a good look at them when I got them off the window. I was appalled. I screamed in horror. They were filthy. I don't know how I didn't notice it. I remembered they were dirt cheap about $12.00 bucks, so instead of trying to scrub 4,500 slats in the tub. It's all about the effort. So I bought a new one. And again, Zellers came through...they were still 12.00 bucks, and this time I have a nice taupe colour. No effort on my part except to get them back on the same tract. It was a little difficult ...climbing up on a wobbly chair, and then climbing on the counter top with a 45x45 blind in hand..then doing a balancing act trying to put it in the old tract. I hit my head on the overhead light ...maybe 13 times, fortunately the globe didn't break.

I didn't have to put new hardware in, because this was the same as the old blind I had before, anywho.... I forgot the shortcuts I had taken to get the other one to stay upright and not come tumbling off and hit the floor, and scare the dog, and make me want to GIT CRAZZY.

Numereo 1.... I forgot the blind was too long for the window, and you have to take X number of slats out of it before you install it. THAT took me ... don't ask .. I haven't even got the patience to tell much that pissed me off.

After all that shit......when everything was in place, I got back up on the chair, climbed on the counter with this friggin blind, put it in the old hardware on top of the window, and it fell off. With a very loud bang. Wellfortheloveofmervgriffin... I was somewhat pissed. The dog was pasted to the patio door, trying to get out, because the sky was falling, and I couldn't help her because I was standing on my kitchen counter which is made for preparing food, not for walking on. I inched my way down to the chair, and then to the the floor and let Penny the wienie out before she pissed herself.

I assessed the situation, and realized the last time I installed the hardware, I had modified the brackets. And when I took off the old blind my modifications had not been modified when I put up the new one. Once I remembered that, it was 1,2,3, 4 what are we waiting for....I got back up on the chair, up on the counter, hit my head on the overhead light twice, swiped some cobwebs, and put the screws in the right places so it wouldn't fall off again.

I don't think Penny will ever come in again. It was very stressful. She might be an outside dog from now on in. Nahhh...she's sleeping under all my newly cleaned, dog haired removed bedding with her master.

It's supposed to snow tomorrow....I hope Gord finds a new truck soon because I don't want to be driving that stinkin Lincoln in the snow....I want my Explorer! I might just have to take the bus to work...not. It takes me 10 minutes to get to work from home, with a bus I have to transfer twice, and walk half a mile. Nice.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Larry pulled into our driveway two days later

And asked me if I wanted to go for a ride. I said ohhh yeah. I went in and asked my parents if I could go, and they said yes, but I had be home by 10:00PM. (They met him).

We drove around our little town for about an hour and talked, got to know each other and had a hamburger at the the Dairy Queen, and headed back home. And we had a goodnite kiss....oy, ... now I was in love.

He was back the next evening (you have to remember this was a time when picking up a phone was not an option we lived to two different countries, but only 7 miles apart .. and his parents would have shot him if called long distance.)
... at my doorstep.

He asked if I wanted to go for another ride. I asked my parents and they said yes, but I had to finish my homework first. He offered to help. We sat at the kitchen table, and I batted my long eyelashes at him with much vigor, he almost fell off his chair. He was smitten with me. We managed to get the algebra questions done with and then we would be on our way. As we were leaving Mom said I had to be home by 9:00 PM.... so that just left us .. 1 hour to kiss our faces off. It's funny I was only used to kissing one guy, my first boyfriend, and this guy kissed differently...not in bad way ... different. I was still a virgin kisser. More on kissing as this goes be continued....

Friday, November 02, 2007

It's just and me again ... day 2

I'm still chuckling about the password to NABLOPOMO...... **********it just breaks me up.
OMG.. maybe I shouldn't have told the whole world the password! ...I was just kidding it was "canopener." Yeah. Or maybe "spatula." I don't want "Fussy"... coming over here and rearranging my face...or my kitchen. I think she could kick some serious ass.

I'm having my Friday Night...winefest....sit down and join me. I had to change wine glasses, for some reason I took one of the large wine glasses, only meant to be used by guests who drink red wine. I use the smaller version because I drink white wine, and I like mine cold...very cold. So I only pour a little bit at a time so it doesn't get warm. Unfortunately, I have to go back to the trough 55 times before a red wine drinker finishes off their glass. It makes me look bad. And for that I am unapologetic, because I hate warm wine. Red wine drinkers who come to my house, please don't judge me... I have only two ounces of wine in my glass while you have about 10 ounces, and you wonder why I am flying to the fridge refilling my glass with 2 more ounces compared to your 10 ounces. Plus all the running to the fridge, keeps me sober while you are slowly melting down in my kitchen chairs. I win. I always do.

I was thinking about the 60's today. And you know, I don't remember as much as I thought I did. It was a really long time ago. I have left a trail of brain cells scattered all over the Canadian Shield. And a few in the USA.

In 1960 I dated a guy from the USA. Larry. Tall, handsome, and not from Canada. That was the attraction. Even though he only lived 10 miles from my house, he lived in a different world... the USA.

We lived in a small community on the border of North Dakota. I first met him just after I had broken up with Ron..(Gordon's brother) ...yeah I know... but that is another story.

My friend Dolores and I had hitchhiked to **** North Dakota to go swimming. **** was the only town within a radius of a hundred miles that had a community pool. Hitchhiking in those days only meant you thumbed a ride with a local farmer or someone you knew.

After we went swimming we decided to take in a movie at the local "showhall".... I have no idea if I told my parents where I was, but then again I can't remember. We went to the movie and after we got out, we still didn't know how were going to get home. It must have been 10:00pm. But while we were in the movie, we met two guys from ****. They were sitting a few seats away from us and we were kibitzing back and forth... they asked us where we were from and we giggled like Gidget...and played the game...and wouldn't tell them, and they kept asking, and we kept giggling. So, when the movie finally got out, they were right behind us.

Larry had a car. A huge 1958 Buick. As he and his friend got in his car, they asked us if we wanted to go for a spin. We blushed and gushed, and said no, we were just looking for some Canadians who had got out of the show at the same time to give us a lift home. (All the Canucks went to the movies in ****) .. so all you had to do was find someone from your town, and get a lift home. But Larry was insistent. I looked at Dolores, and she looked back at me.....we were on the same radar...yes....they are both cute. Let's go for it. And we did. giggle. giggle.giggle.

They drove us back home across the border and were gentlemen. No groping. Just the getting to know you thang. We were just pissing our pants...guys from the "States "liked us!! " WHOOOO. We couldn't wait for school to start on Monday to tell everyone ... we scored two American Guys.

Two days later....Larry showed up at my house...........

to be continued.....

Thursday, November 01, 2007


I just came across this word today. And I rolled it around my tongue for a time..assaholic..assaholic...and holy crap it was a perfect fit. This is who I am. I AM AN ASSAHOLIC!

No more shrinks.

I know my problem now..... I looked in the phone book, and there doesn't seem to be a Assaholic hotline. Bastards!

So, how do I solve my problem? How do I UNASS myself?

I know I was going to talk about the "60's" and shit today, but I haven't had time to scan the pics, that will come..after all I have fucking month to bare my soul. I hope God isn't looking.

What I want to know, is how do I become a better person...and not the jackass I have been for ...let's see ..the last 62 years. I have two problems, I am a Assaholic and Jackasserist.

I don't see a very bright future....I need some intervention.

Bring it on!!