Sunday, November 04, 2007

You know what yanks my chain?

Crappy outside Christmas lights.

Everyone in our neighbourhood decided it was a good day to put up their Christmas lights, before the snow starts to fly. Well, it turned dark quite early today, and I got to see the fruits of their labour. Friends, it wasn't a purty sight.

The people behind us in the next bay put up a numbered house light yesterday. I thought that was kinda neat. TODAY...they put up 24,678 strands of lights that make no sense. Some blink, some don't...there is no rhyme or reason to it. It.is.fucking.ugly. This is what I will have to look out to everyday in my backyard until spring. I hate them. They just spoiled my Christmas. Bastards! Couldn't they have put a cohesive plan together, taking in account that I have to look at this shit every night until we get daylight savings time back? I give them a 0- out of ten.

Yes, I enjoyed the extra hour of sleep this morning, didn't you? Yesterday I changed out all the bedding for winter. I aired out our feather bed top which sits on top of our water bed and put it on the deck railing and whacked the shit out it a hundred times...
You can't wash these things and I swear I saw in my minds eye my grandma wacking her rugs! We are from some wacky stock. We are whacked. Then I got out my "down" comforter up and threw it on the deck railing to air out....only to have a a bird shit on it. Gawwd, what were the odds? Give me a break. But after everything was cleaned up, aired out, clean sheets and pillow cases .....it smelled lovely, and a good sleep was had by all.

I even washed all my windows, inside and out for the first time in 3 years............yeah I know I got lazy. Holy mackerel everything looks so clean.

Then I took my Venetian blinds down from the kitchen window, to clean them in the tub. I haven't paid too much attention to them, they are just there, and I just adjust them if it's too sunny in the room or too dark. I took a good look at them when I got them off the window. I was appalled. I screamed in horror. They were filthy. I don't know how I didn't notice it. I remembered they were dirt cheap ...like about $12.00 bucks, so instead of trying to scrub 4,500 slats in the tub. It's all about the effort. So I bought a new one. And again, Zellers came through...they were still 12.00 bucks, and this time I have a nice taupe colour. Win.win. No effort on my part except to get them back on the same tract. It was a little difficult ...climbing up on a wobbly chair, and then climbing on the counter top with a 45x45 blind in hand..then doing a balancing act trying to put it in the old tract. I hit my head on the overhead light ...maybe 13 times, fortunately the globe didn't break.

I didn't have to put new hardware in, because this was the same as the old blind I had before, anywho.... I forgot the shortcuts I had taken to get the other one to stay upright and not come tumbling off and hit the floor, and scare the dog, and make me want to GIT CRAZZY.

Numereo 1.... I forgot the blind was too long for the window, and you have to take X number of slats out of it before you install it. THAT took me ... don't ask .. I haven't even got the patience to tell you...how much that pissed me off.

After all that shit......when everything was in place, I got back up on the chair, climbed on the counter with this friggin blind, put it in the old hardware on top of the window, and it fell off. With a very loud bang. Wellfortheloveofmervgriffin... I was somewhat pissed. The dog was pasted to the patio door, trying to get out, because the sky was falling, and I couldn't help her because I was standing on my kitchen counter which is made for preparing food, not for walking on. I inched my way down to the chair, and then to the the floor and let Penny the wienie out before she pissed herself.

I assessed the situation, and realized the last time I installed the hardware, I had modified the brackets. And when I took off the old blind my modifications had not been modified when I put up the new one. Once I remembered that, it was 1,2,3, 4 what are we waiting for....I got back up on the chair, up on the counter, hit my head on the overhead light twice, swiped some cobwebs, and put the screws in the right places so it wouldn't fall off again.

I don't think Penny will ever come in again. It was very stressful. She might be an outside dog from now on in. Nahhh...she's sleeping under all my newly cleaned, dog haired removed bedding with her master.

It's supposed to snow tomorrow....I hope Gord finds a new truck soon because I don't want to be driving that stinkin Lincoln in the snow....I want my Explorer back...now! I might just have to take the bus to work...not. It takes me 10 minutes to get to work from home, with a bus I have to transfer twice, and walk half a mile. Nice.

6 comments:

Brenda said...

A most excellent blind adventure!
Poor Penny, being plastered to the patio door happens to her a lot, doesn't it?

I'm looking at my blindless window here in my junky little office right now cause I bought a replacement blind that I have no idea about installing. I even tried reading the directions but I think they must be written for someone with an engineering degree.

Brenda said...

Are you ok?

AndiePandie said...

Whew that was a long post! LOL If there's one thing I hate it's hanging blinds. But I do love the way they look once up!

Mary Lou said...

Nah, I hung window shades fifteen years ago when I bought the house, and then hung cafe curtains on all the windows, and just leave them alone. I really should wash the windows one year though, it is getting increasingly DARK in here.

Dorie said...

Is it my imagination, or are the guys the ones that go overboard with the outdoor decorations? I don't see too many women up on the rooftops hooking up the neon Rudolph!

Curtis said...

STOP you're killin' me over here. My sides are hurting after reading this blog. Ask Gord for a BB gun for christmas and then you can practice on the neighbors Christmas lights.