Friday, August 31, 2007

Ellen..the eulogy

I am honoured to be here this morning. I will be speaking in behalf of some
of Ellen’s blogging friends from around the world. I hope I can convey their thoughts to you in a meaningful manner.

A short explanation of a blog would be a:
Blog is short for weblog. A weblog is a journal (or newsletter) that is frequently updated and intended for general public consumption. Blogs generally represent the personality of the author or the Web site.

I have received so many messages from her blogging friends this last week, and they all wish me well, and assure me they will be the wind on my back while I am speaking, and reflecting their thoughts of this wonderful woman.

Many of her friends have been so kind to give me some direction where to go with this. Her blogger friend Susan summed it all up in a email to me, and this is how she described it:

For people who are not part of the Blog community, it may be difficult for them to conceive the depth of feeling and care that Bloggers develop for each other. The Blogesphere, as it is affectionately referred to by those involved, is a network of people from around the world, that otherwise would never have had the opportunity to know each other. These relationships are very real and the support and encouragement amongst this huge group of friends is deep and genuine.

When fellow Bloggers are in crisis of any sort, word goes out on the web and friends come to leave offers of prayer and kind words on their blog. She went on to say Ellen was an inspiration to her during her nieces trying battle with Cancer last summer. She said, Ellen was a huge support, though she herself was battling the same demon. Perhaps her own suffering made her more understanding of what other cancer fighters were going through. Instead of being bitter or resentful of her condition, she was graceful and courageous, she used that understanding to encourage others and their families through similar times.

That, sums up how the blogging community works. We are just like your next door neighbour when a crisis occurs, but sometimes we are miles apart.

I would like to thank all the bloggers who took the time to write me and give their thoughts. I won’t have time to put all your thoughts in this eulogy, but I will try to do a short version of it:

Brian – from Oklahoma – a fellow teacher

Here in Oklahoma we refer to people like Ellen as someone who had “her head screwed on straight”. She had morals and values, a sense of right and wrong, common sense, and sense of perspective. She had a relationship with her husband that she treasured. She fought valiantly, exhibiting a sense of grace and courage that many of us can aspire to. Godspeed my friend. somewhere USA:

Ellen’s generosity of spirit, her willingness to help others whether she met them in person or not; her compassion when she thought we were hurting. I will never forget the many, many hours she spent cross-stitching a beautiful piece or art she made for me at one of my weakest moments. She was always trying to make other feel better even in her own time of pain and crisis.


Who was a blogger friend from Holland, from where her parents originated.
Some of his thoughts were when he and Ellen would chat on “Live Messenger,” and he would communicate in Dutch and she in English. He said “Such a chat party could take sometimes more than an hour or more because we had so much pleasure in “talking” this way with each other. She felt a strong link with this country and sometime almost became “Yankerd”…(cryer) because she had found a Dutch contact.

Goodbye Ellen, look down now and then, bless each of us who love you so much with good memories of a wonderful friend.

Curtis and Ellen kept me believing that true love exists. I am not saying this lightly. I had given up on ever finding anyone but their blogs kept me believing that it would happen for me too. “And it did.” Ellen is one of the world’s most beautiful people. I am so honoured that I have had the opportunity of know her through blogging.

Penny Halston:
A mother of a student Ellen taught in school.

I began reading her blog before she had cancer. I read all her delightful stories of her youth and adventures as a high school teacher. I read about her dear husband and the loving marriage they had. I was lucky enough to meet her twice. Once when my dad was having treatment for cancer, and then when she was in the hospital. Ellen has appreciated the wonder and joys of this life more that some people do in a lifetime. It is an honour to be counted a friend and I will never forget you.

Anne Baldwin:
Who called Ellen “puppycakes”, and was a member of her cancer support group for 5 years. Ellen wrote short stories on their site, which they encouraged her to get published. We all loved her, she said. She gave her support to everyone. She will be missed by us all.

We have lost a wonderful member of the blogging community. Ellen inspired me with her warmth, her giving ways, her sense of humour and her wonderful ways with words.

I knew Curtis first, then got to know Ellen and love Ellen also through blogging. What I remember most is her enthusiasm for decorating for Christmas. She would be so excited to bring everything out and would share pictures of their “Magic Christmas Tree.” Then after Christmas she would wonder if maybe it was her last time putting away the decorations. I’d be thrilled when another Christmas came and she could start over again.
The love between Ellen and Curtis was beyond comparison.

People who don’t blog don’t understand how close a community we’ve become. They don’t understand when we speak of each other as friends.

Daughter of Ellen’s brother Lawrence.

Despite the problems she had, she remained supportive and enquired about how YOU were doing. I had medical problems and when I last saw her she was asking how I was doing. She even managed to give me some support and advise as how to handle it. I am glad my aunt had such a huge support network.


Ellen and I began corresponding via email. Ellen had been diagnosed with renal cell (kidney) cancer in July 2001, at the time we began corresponding, her cancer was in remission, but in November 2004 it was found to have metastasized.
Ellen was keenly interested in the people she came into contact with, and there was always a special bond between her and my son Steven. The cancer was a point of shared experience between them, but not the main point, neither of them have ever been defined by their disease. Both of them share great compassion and a strong love of nature and wildlife.

In 2005 we were planning Steven's Make A Wish trip to see the polar bears in Churchill, Manitoba and our flight was arriving in Winnipeg. Ellen lived in Winnipeg and we made arrangements to meet.
Bears On Broadway is an annual display in Winnipeg, different organizations paint lifesize polar bears and they are displayed on the main street and around town. Ellen had written to Steven about it several months in advance of our trip there.
The bears are put away for the winter, and it turned out they would be put away about two weeks before we were due to arrive for Steven's Make A Wish trip.
Ellen was meeting with her financial planner and when she mentioned that Steven would be coming to Winnipeg to begin his Make A Wish trip, he said it would be possible to arrange for Steven to see the bears in their winter storage area. It was a magical day, thanks to Ellen and her financial planner and Doneta who rose to the occasion in short order and got us taken care of after our luggage failed to arrive in time for our trip to the arctic.
This last December I got together a few friends of Ellen's, those I could find email addresses for and who responded to me, and together we folded over 1000 origami cranes for her. The cranes represented our appreciation of her friendship and our prayers that she could overcome her illness.

She left before any of us were ready for her to go, but she leaves behind her a legacy of compassion and love.

Two and a half years ago, Ellen wrote:

I have conducted my daily life with two questions in mind: What would Jesus do? And what will people have to say about me after I'm gone? For it is my desire to leave behind as many positive marks, no matter how minute. This has especially shaped me as a teacher, a vocation whose responsibilities I took very seriously. Little did I know that, at the age of fifty, I would be prematurely faced with the reality of my own mortality. I guess you could say I'm glad I didn't wait until the last minute to put my house in order.

Ellen, your work has been exceptional, you get an A. I know what you heard when you stood before our Maker, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

That my friends is what the blogger community is all about, I have only touched the surface here, and wish I could have read each and everyone I was sent. Some from complete strangers. Like Jenny from Spokane WA, who will make a donation to the “Dawn of Hope” in Johnson City TN, in memory of Ellen Crush and in honour of her brother John Holloway.

Joan says:
I live in Winnipeg, and only met Ellen once, when she was in the hospital. Most bloggers never get to meet each other. I was one of the lucky ones. She was so supportive when my husband had medical problems 6 months ago, and continually commented on my blog when I was down and out.

What first drew me to Ellen was her sense of humour, all medical issues aside. She was quick, and never missed a beat. We had a lot of laughs over the years, personally I think she was laughing or cringing at my grammar and my spelling, it was hard writing a blog with a “teacher” reading it! And she was a pretty good rapper too, I bet you didn’t know that! Well, I don’t want to be telling tales out of school, so I will leave that alone. I will miss her so very much.

So, Ellen, save a seat for me, I’ll be seeing you on the other side, you will recognize me, I will be the one trying to smuggle in a bottle of wine.

Your friend
Joanie Balonie
I sincerely hope I didn't mix up names etc. if I did I think it remained unnoticed.

I was pretty nervous, but just before the service started Father Robin, sat down beside me. I was on a bench in the back by myself, because I was still waiting for my husband to appear (that is for another blog.)

"Who could miss me," pouring through my notes with fits of anxiety. So he must have caught on and hit on the most nervous looking chick in the chapel. He sat down beside me and asked..if I was Sharon or Joan... He knew we would both be speaking. What a wonderful guy he is. He put me at ease, and we talked for about 5 minutes. Until my husband phoned, and I forgot to turn off my cell phone in the chapel...Ellen forgive me, but fortunately this was before the service.
The service was beautiful, I cried and I laughed. Her brothers are a hoot, and I now know where she got her sense of humour. Her two brothers did a eulogy that surpassed none. They were witty, cried, and told stories of her I had never heard. I didn't realize she grew up on Morley Avenue, where I spent all my vacations as a kid with my cousins.. I loved that area of out city. When we were told she always spent time at the Community Clubs helping out in the summers, I remember my cousin Linda doing the same thing, and she became a teacher after that too.

The hardest part after the service was when we were supposed to go to the front, and greet the family. Because we were sitting in the back, we were the first to go. I wondered how most of them would take to strangers like us giving our condolences; but like Ellen they were gracious. I gave Curtis and handshake, like I usually like to do, but then I thought this guys needs a peck on the cheek....and I did...what's next...I will be hugging people....oy

When we left, I had to go right back to work, because my co-worker had to be in a wedding party for his brother this evening.
So, sorry Curtis we didn't stay for lunch, I would have loved to.
Take care my friend.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I am finished

Writing the eulogy. I was going to leave it until 5 minutes before the service, like I usually do with things that need to be done ahead of time, but hey, I am two days ahead of myself. But, I promise you I will change it 9876.2 times before it ever gets read.

I didn't really have to do any work, all those that responded did it for me, much better than I could have. I am just the messenger. Plus I put in a little of my own stuff. I hope everyone will like it. It was hard to do.

I have been trying to "clean up" for the service. I bought a "pant suit." I couldn't show up in jeans and a hoodie, so I bought something nice for a change. Of course the sleeves were too long and so were the pants. But it fit, and looked somewhat slimming. Slimming is what I was after. I look like a executive...of what? ... maybe a seniors centre...I don't know, but I sure feel like bossing someone around when I'm wearing it.

So, I was looking at the long sleeves and long pants, and going gawwwwblahhhhshit. I hate hemming clothes. So, I started to hem and haw...heh..and decided hey ...why don't I bring this to a reputable hemming place and let them do this shit? Normally I hem my own stuff, and the outcome is that one pant leg is much shorter than the other one, then I re do it and it still is all f'kd up, and I finally cut the hem off and let it fray...and fagetaboutit. But these dud's were to fancy dancy for that.

So I took it some place ...I don't know where...Stitching are Us? ... something like that. It's a new place in the mall next door owned by two newly immigrated Chinese people, who don't speak so good anglais.

I went in their shop, and the man was ironing stuff on a computer table, and the wife was at the front counter. I asked her if they did alterations, and she said..."yay"...then she said "what you got" she grabbed the bag from my hand. I said it's a pant suit. She said...pan su? I said yes, a pant suit, pants and a jacket. ohhhhh she said...okay. She took it out of the bag, and said...wa you want? I said 1/2" off the sleeves of the jacket, and I'm not sure about the pants. In the blink of on eye she had a clothes pin on the sleeve of the jacket to indicate where it was supposed to be shortened , and then she said..tak off pants. Blink... I said take off pants where? Ofver by door she said...the door? As far as I could see that led back into the mall. Trying to be polite, I said...where are the change rooms, she threw up her arm so fast she almost knocked me over...and pointed to a little changing room beside the doorway.

So, I went into this little teenie cubicle the size of ...well, just about nothing. After trying to take off my jeans and put on my new pants all squinched in the cube, I almost had a panic attack. I took the bag the new pants were in and did a few deep breaths in it so I wouldn't pass out, and got the hell out of there. Once I was out, she said...get in mirr! Mirror, where is their a mirror? ovva dar..mir! hup hup... He arm flew up again and almost poked my eye out for theloveofadick. I get to the mirror with my long pants dragging on the floor, and before I actually get there she comes at me with a huge pin. I measure..she says..okay says I just keep the pin away from my eyes. She gets down rolls up my pants, sticks in the pin, and say..dat okay then? I said, I don't know, I am wearing flat shoes, and with these pants I will be wearing about 2 inche heals. Well, now I have gone and done it...SHE is flying off, saying..I not know if you not got shoes.....then she takes off HER sandal with a heal about 2" inches, and says..put on!..and she means business. Well it was one of those sandals with the toe thing in the middle, and I was wearing socks, so I couldn't get it on....and it was still warm...and I was starting to puke. I finally stood on top of the "warm" sandal while she measured. Finally we came to an agreement. I went back in the entsie cube and changed. When I came out she grabbed the pants, took them back to the counter, and said cash or debit? Huh?... I have to pay before the work is done? I guess so, because I wasn't about to argue with her anymore or she would have kung fued me, I am sure. So, I paid her, and then she said, "bye bye git out" as she once more lifted her arm and pointed towards the door. Did I just hear that right...bye bye git out? I think I did. So, I said..pardon me...and lifted her big ole arm again, pointed to the door and said bye bye git out. Finally I realized she was trying to show me the way out, because I must have looked disoriented after having cubicleitious. I walked back to my car in a daze wondering if I wouldn't be wearing jeans and a hoodie to the memorial after all.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

It's Always Something

Thunderheads are looming over my head. I'm playing Russian Roulette with them, because it will only take one "boomer" to try to get my laptop, power cord, dog, and wine back into the house without dropping something. It looks like it's coming in from the "South" not a good thing, when they come in from the West you know what to expect. The humidity must be over the top tonight. Something ... she is a brewing.

I spent the afternoon re-arranging my furniture...ummm blog. It was as dirty as a pig in a pig poke. I sent them little swines back to the Internet until further notice.

Last night I got myself in a tizzy. Curtis had graciously answered one of my emails, and I started thinking to myself, perhaps I have a been a little over zealous, while I was on his blog, redirecting people to mine for their thoughts on Ellen. I started to feel like a blog thief!! Then I thought perhaps Curtis was only trying to be nice, and wouldn't like me re-directing his traffic like a Cop who hadn't got his quota of tickets for a day..... Poor Curtis, I sent him an email apologizing for this, and this morning he sent me one back...going..huh? I had myself totally convinced that I had done the wrong thing....lord I'm stupid. Like the guy needs more stress. I'm sure he will glad to the last of my sorry arse. heh.....

I have received so many comments from Ellen's friends, it is unbelievable, and they all have the same things to say about her, but under different circumstances. I would like to thank you all, and I hope you don't mind if I steal some of your words. I know, I am only supposed to talk about the blogging community and not do a personal Eulogy, which I couldn't because I didn't know her in real life, but y'all have given me more than I expected..Thanks, because whatever I say, I know you will have my back.....unless I screw up...then you can pretend you never knew me.

I'm glad to report baby bro, is doing well. He had his pace maker put in on Friday at 3:00 PM. It was supposed to happen at 10:30 AM, but he got bumped for more serious cases. He got out the next day. I just talked to my SIL and she said he was sore, but doing good. Another hurdle overcome...just waiting for the next shoe to drop, because folks, IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING! And it's starting to piss me off.

I was going to roast a chicken in the oven tonight, and when the oven temp was right I opened the door to put in Mr. Chicken Little and what did to my eyes appear....pots that didn't fit in the dishwasher my dear.. during the week. All nicely charred with bits of crap that was in them. I thought it smelled like something was cooking in the house before I actually cooked it! Fortunately, it wasn't to0 bad and I cleaned it up in no time. The moral of this story is...Retire at 60, because when you hit 61 and are still working, de brain she don't works so good. If you are retired and still put dirty pots in the oven...get help.

It's getting a might windy now, the thunderheads have cleared off and it's getting cool.

I slept in so late this morning, I wasn't hungry for lunch, but now I could take those charred pots and lick em clean out. Supper should be ready soon.

Friday, August 24, 2007


This is the picture I always liked best on her blog.

I was a little late to the news yesterday that she had passed away, but I was thinking of her on and off all day for some reason.

I wanted desperately to try to help in any way I could, so I offered Curtis a choice of two things:
1.) I would be available to speak at her funeral as part of her blogger community, which I knew meant a lot to her. Maybe I'm not the right person, as she has so many friends from far and wide, but I thought I am here in the same city and maybe I can put all your thoughts and words along with mine to give tribute to a truly fine blogger. I will do my best.

2.) I also told him if that wasn't what he wanted I would bake some pies, and even though Curtis loves him some pie, he made the right choice, because my pies could do some intestinal damage. So, yes, he took the better of the two:)

So, if anyone one has some memories and special thoughts about Ellen or how blogging brings us all together in sickness and in health, I would appreciate hearing from you. I have started writing down some of my own thoughts about the blogging community and how it has made a difference to me.

I find it very special. You meet people who have all the same problems you do, and you don't feel so alone in this crazy world. We celebrate their triumphs and cry when life hands them a lemon...that's just the way it is in the blogger world. Sometimes it is easier to type out your fears than talk to a pair of eyes next to you. I hope I can explain that to a room full of people who probably have never heard of blogging.

I wanted to change my template today, because I didn't think the pig theme was very befitting for the occasion, but I didn't want to loose haloscan again just in case people were commenting. So, I didn't...I think Ellen would have had a good me to put up a stupid template when the one I had would have been more befitting. You would think I have learned my lesson by now... but no.

So your comments will be greatly appreciated. I will make you proud.

as always...Joanie balonie

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My Babee Bro & Ellen

Is back in the hospital.

More heart problems...two years of being in an out of the ER...gawwwwwwwwww.

Tomorrow, a pace maker. I just hope he lives that long, his heart rate is so very low.

What is it with men and their big ole hearts?

This is breaking mine. I'm so scared.


Got the news this morning that my blogger friend Ellen won't be with us much longer. I don't know how to express myself. I knew when I went to see her that it wasn't good, but I was hoping for some more quality time between her and Curtis, but the big ole frickin "C" doesn't care one bit. It bites you in the ass and doesn't ask any questions.

Sometimes I wonder, how many more dollars do we have to put into our health care systems, to find out what is causing this horrible disease. I remember Polio when I was a kid, they found a vaccine and I was spared the effects of it, but not the poor little guy next door. He fought a long road to recovery.

It's a crap shoot my friends.

I found this comment on Curtis's blog today ....and I wanted to share it because it sums it all up, and because it's from my fav gal in the world Gilda Radner...."It's Always Something" my blog's namesake.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." ~Gilda Radner

Ellen my friend well

Garry my bro..get well..joanie balonie loves you!!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Trailers for sale or rent.........

Bird house for Sale: Fixer upper (from my deck)


** 1 bedroom, newer straw, never been smoked in.

** Thatched roof, needs minor repairs.

** Additional "lean to" on right side of the house for extra egg storage

** Located in a wooded back yard

Owners are motivated to sell, as their children have gone South.

** Offers


Personals: Vintage old broad (from my year book)

Particulars:**Odometer reading: 61 years

**Colour: White, no rust .. all original parts

**Likes: Going for long walks on the beach in the rain, drinking a little wine and reading from the bible.

**Dislikes: Headcheese

** Offers...or call 999-9865 for free phone sex.


BARFIE BALLOON RIDES: (from my deck)

** We are an established Balloon Ride Company, our safety records surpass none.

Our rides start at $50.00 per ride, all inclusive.

For those that are on a budget take note, the following will be extra:

** The basket

** Propane

** The Operator

** Bandages

...This Hot Air balloon took a nose dive just minutes after I took the pic. No one was hurt.



We will plow your driveway for only 45.99/per square foot day or night. Call us at "Plows Are Us," for a free estimate. If it starts to melt after we get there, we are sorry, you still have to pay for the original amount of snow at the time of estimate. We are a very busy company and if we don't get to you by spring, tough signed the contract. See our services for WATER REMOVAL in your yellow pages of the phone book.


Female cross dresser: (Penny)

** Part Daschund und ich weiss nicht vat else.

** Loves laundry day, and wears anything from men's shorts over her head to women's fine lingerie, she is so bi.

** Likes children, if they are quite, don't move, and are not seen.

** Loves to take long walks on the beach in the rain, and read the bible.

** Will take offers $$




** Find unusual mutant carrots in our shop. We specialize in Bunny Karut ears. However, you can find some more of our erotic Karut lines in our "Smutte Shoppe."

** Bunny Karut ears: Start at 5.99 - 10.99 depending on the size of the "ears."

** Karut Dildo's: Start at $24.95...add an additional $5.00 per inch. (see our catalogue)

Prices are subject to change, depending on fertilizer costs.



Our "going on our honeymoon misfits"...

** 1 - Men's used Leisure Suit, only worn once in 1972. Orange shirt, and tacky tie included.
$$ Offers, can be seen on EBay. Just use the keyword "tacky."

** 1 - Women's...vintage "going away" Granny Dress. Purse extra, because it was so cool.
Package price: $ 599.99 ..taxes extra.

That's all folkies.

(for some damn reason there is a huge space between this and the comments...scroll down if you wanna). Or you could just keep on looking at the pigs!

Friday, August 17, 2007

In the spirit of Elvis week... I bring you


JimBob it's so worth the 5 bucks "merican." Where do I send my money order? I promise I won't post your address on the ENTIRE INTERNET.

When I saw these little piggies ON A FREE TEMPLATE I caved. There are hundred more, so I will be changing it on a weekly basis. The bet is now over, sorry bud. I am weak.

So, let's talk about Elvis.

I was 14 and "crying all the time"...because my dad called him "swivel hips"... and made fun of him on the Ed Sullivan show, WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WATCH! There was nothing more humiliating to a ripening teenager than having a father, mother and an asshole little brother making fun of Elvis..WHILE I was WAS TRYING TO WATCH HIM SWIVEL.

Dad: We aren't going to watch Ed Sullivan tonight, it's just that "Elvis the pelvis" guy.

Joanie: Are trying to ruin my life?

Dad: No, we will turn the channel back to Ed, when the Acrobats come back on.

Joanie: (Now sitting in front of the TV, so nobody can come over and switch the channel).

Dad: Move over, we're going to watch the hockey game, and come back to Ed later.


Dad: Yes

Joanie: Tearful by now...sobbing .. "why is everyone always against me"..whaaa whaa, I can't watch anything I want to..whaa whaa, while asshole brother is fueling the flames with his two cents worth. Bastard.

Dad: Okay, already, he's on right now........... and he sang, and he swivelled and I swooned and I mooned to his tunes. I blocked out all the outside chatter about the pelvis crap. I was officially in love. We could hardly pick up TV reception in the country, so he was kind of blurry, but in my minds eye, I knew, he was the one for me. Until Prisilla came along..whoa didn't he get my letter from..THE PRESIDENT..of the Elvis Fan Club of Altona? I guess not, because he broke my heart, but I never stopped loving him as only a 14 year old could.

I had an old record player, my neighbour had given me, it only played 78's. A huge record with only one song on it. The first record I ever bought was "Don't" by Elvis. It was so romantic, I would lie in bed at night playing it over and over while my new found hormones sucked him into my soul, or thighs, I'm not sure.

It was an era I will never forget, I was so crazy about the new music that was evolving, and when Richie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a airplane crash, I damn near blew a fuse. After they died, someone wrote a song, I can't remember the name of it, but some of the lyrics were: Look up to the sky,up towards the North, there are two bright stars shining..laaa laa..(can't remember)..but every night before I went to bed I looked up toward the North from my bedroom window, and found those two bright shining stars up towards the North, and cried for them. And then there was Buddy I loved him too.

I don't listen to music much anymore. I got stuck in the70's and 80's and left it there. Because every time I hear a tune, I remember the events that led up that period of time, and some are good, and some are just damn terrible. Sometimes I put on Melanie, and listen to "Candles in the Rain" and weep for my younger days. Kris Kristofferson makes me cry too. So, I have put most of them to bed. I still loves me some Janis Joplin and Gracie Slick, and Joe Cocker tunes. I get the music in me after hearing a few of them, and start tapping my toes, swinging my arms, dancing, and winding up in the E.R. Lord.'s the pig template working for youse guys? "Snort"... I'm going to get a little mileage out of this one!!

I just finished supper in the back 40, had me a few ole corn cobs and some crab grass, and later slid on my back in a pile of wet bird and dog shit..gawwd it felt good. Had me a drink at the pond, which I refilled after those bastard blackbirds emptied it yesterday, and went back to the pig pen and porked this first pig I saw. I doesn't get better than that.

How goes it in your pig pen?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Blackbird Invasion

You know my little eeensie weensie pond I built two years ago, because I was too stinking lazy to build one that was large enough to hold a goldfish.........has become blackbird central. This afternoon when I came home for lunch, I had a least 3334 blackbirds in my garden, overturning everything... the little bastards....they got into the pond and threw over the pump. MY PUMP!..and all the water sprayed out into what I call a flower garden. Flowers on weeds count, don't they? And la pond was emptyo. That little pump has a good heart, because she kept on beating whether she had water in her ventricles or not...sitting on her side busted up by those blackbird bastards. So after surveying the situation I sic'd Penny on them....mother of god, you have never seen so many birds take to fight in one magical moment. I had visions of the movie "The Birds"... Penny rounded them all up, and then took a nap, and they all came back, so I had get off my duff and scare them away. I put on my husband's new Gord's Appliance's Orange. The shirt scared me when he brought it home, so I thought it might scare the blackbirds, and so it did. They thought I was a Appliance Repairman they went to neighbours pond.

Gord went on a spending spree and bought a whole new Uniform package, I may have mentioned this once before, but I did not expect an ORANGE SHIRT. Who would do that? Gord that's who...he's crazy. Crazy like a scarecrow.

Tomorrow I am going to capture those Blackbird Bastards in my flower garden with my camera, and you will know of what I speakest of. They have been in my eaves, digging up shit and pulling all the crap down on to the deck everyday this week. Are they trying to tell me something?? ... like clean you eaves you lazy arseholes....Okay already...I get it. I need a pellet gun...then it be bye bye blackbirds. Okay birdlovers, I will shoot over their heads if they don't fly up when I'm shooting up over their heads they will be in luck, other than that bye bye blackbirds.

Okay, I don't have a gun fortheloveofmike, but I have a catalgue that sells them, nuttin stopping me from ordering one .. is there? Okay, so there it is. I don't know how to shoot a gun and I might just nick one of my neighbours in the noggen by mishtaken, und be sent to da yalehouse mit nathing odder than mein underpanst on. Becouse, I likes to shite das gun mitout meine clothen. Ich habbe eine fetish. Du best be nicht my nachtbours, odder dee mist findest avay to keep dem Kopt to das eart ven I bist schutting das bastard schwartzgebirdens. Und ich have kein sorrynicht. Nein.

Isn't grand to be fluent in more than one language.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I finally met Ellen this afternoon

It was bittersweet. I wished we could have met when she was still active. I know we would have got along. She is very weak. She didn't move anything other than her head a few times and her hands. She followed along with the conversation between Curtis, her friend Sharon and me, but I don't think she had the energy to do more than answer any questions asked of her.

She still cannot eat, which is making for a whole lot of problems with her blood sugars, and they have started giving her insulin, along with the steroids, and blood transfusions.

I stayed for about an hour, but I could tell she needed to have a rest, so we left.

Curtis was there by her side. He is exactly like I pictured him...exactly! A real nice southern gentleman with just enough attitude to get him by here in Canada ... heh. He took Ellen out yesterday in her wheelchair, which he called a chair on wheels in his blog this morning, I was wondering what the hell that was!! She said it was so great to get out of the room and see the grounds etc.

I met her friend Sharon, gawwd she is so great. Ellen is so lucky to have a friend like that. When we were about to leave she crawled into bed with Ellen and gave her 100 smooches all over her face, she is something else. But you know me, the introvert I just rubbed her shoulder and told her I was so glad to meet her, and I would be back again. I brought some pretty pink flowers for her in a pink vase, and when I got there, she had her flowers organized on the table..pinks on the right, others to the left. So, she still has her organizational skills happening. I brought Curtis some candy, just so he can keep his strength up too.

I will go back to visit next Sunday and hopefully she will rally back a bit with all the med's. Because I would really like to talk to her when she is feeling a bit better. But, I don't know if that will happen. We always had promised to meet one day, but she never knew how she would be feeling from one day to the next, so that never happened....but that is that okay, we did today.

I felt exhausted when I left, I have been at this care facility more times than I care to remember. Both my uncle and aunt spent their last days there. It brought back so many memories going down those halls. I cried when I got to my car, for all of them. It just seems so unfair, that Ellen who is still so young has to go through this....she just looked so sweet and fragile when I saw her. I think I might have to talk to God tonight, and ask him..what's up with this? What? She fought soooooo damn long, and now it looks like the fight has gone out of her. But at the facility she is in do not stop trying to give her every opportunity to extend her life, that is always their first priority.

Friday, August 10, 2007


I saw a few leaves drop off the trees today, so I have to change my template. I did say a change of season, did I not, when I made the bet? Summer is over, these are the "dog days" of summer. It's between summer and fall .... it's a season most people don't recognise except me, because I am very seasonal.

So, don't get all up my ass, I know what I'm talking about. You can't even buy a pair of summer pants in the store, why? because the season has changed, so there! Merchandising triggers my seasons. By next week I will have the Sears Christmas Wish Catalogue, so don't be noodling with me.

I'm thinking the next one will be..ahhh..classy, unlike me I know, but I have one in mind that I am just dying to do a make over on, so that means I have to learn the new codes on blogger. If it works out, I will be smarter and classier. fuck... like that could ever happen. Play time, that's all it is. I just discovered something tonight. Laptops are warm on the wrists. I usually use my cordless keyboard and keep it in my lap while I'm typing, but I was too lazy to go in the house to get it. It's cozy. But, it's hard to find the kehehehsy ...keys on this sucker.

I have no idea why I am in italics....but they look pretty, time for more wine after all it's Fryday.

Oh, Friday night supper:

Make ahead Taco's with a difference for those who are bold.

1/2 lb. ground chicken

...fry er up with a little olive oil...add:

1 package of reduced salt Taco seasoning mix with the required amount of water added.

Once it has started to thicken, add half a cup of fresh blueberries and strawberries, simmer until they get all gelled up. Let cool. Put in a container and refrigerate.

Cut up all your veggies, eg. green pepper, green onion, tomatoes, etc. and put them in a bowl, and add the salsa. Put everything in a container in the fridge until needed. Shred your lettuce and grate your cheese, and put in separate containers. It doesn't take as long as it sounds.

When you are ready to eat, just heat up the taco shells, nuke the meat, put out the containers with some sour cream, and you are ready to rock and roll. I like doing it ahead of time, so we can sit out on the deck and relax before supper.

That is all.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Phew it's been busy

I am glad we are winding down to the weekend and I can get my shit together.

Let's talk about leg cramps, shall we? I'm pretty sure I am the Queen of all the MF'n leg cramps in the world. Picture this, at precisely 5:00 AM in the morning...lolling away in our big water bed, and decide I don't like the scenery on my left side, so I turn over...and it strikes!! It strikes like a lightning bolt in the back of my calf (no, I am not a cattle farmer) it's my own personal calf, not a pet or a beef product to fatten up for the food chain). Otherwise, it would not be in my water bed. I just wanted to clarify that. I don't sleep with cattle, not yet anyway. But, you know...there could come a day, I don't take anything off the table.

Okay, I am writhing in pain, Gord is snoring, and I jump out of bed as if I had been thrown in the air by a ..what did I say.. oh yeah, a lightning bolt. I start rubbing my calf (no, not the beast) with much vigor. It brought me to tears, it was so intense. I kept on rubbing, because that is all you can do. At one point, I wondered why it felt wet down there, but thought I had just washed my hands after I got out of the bathroom. It took about 15 minutes of rubbing and clenching my teeth until they almost broke when it subsided. It was almost like an orgasm at the end...the ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ... now I can go to sleep.

This morning I woke up and had a little pain in my calf. I looked at it, and to my surprise, I had rubbed it so hard it was all bruised and red. Also, I must have broken the skin with my fingernail. Fortheloveofmike!! Yeah, I know I'm getting old, but since when does your skin get so thin a little rubbing makes it look like a rug burn. Remember those? heh. So, I'm working it out. I have a very large bandage on it, because I need sympathy. When I am asked...
"Hey Joan...what's up with the leg"? those I flaunt my bandaged calf to, I get all casual, and tell them "hey" we were having leg sex last night, and my leg has a hickey. It's all good.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007


What can I say about Ellen...Ellen, Bo Bellen ..

Ellen would never expect me to get serious, so I won't. I know she loves all the prayers and stuff, and I do that too, but the only way I know how to express myself is through humour, and ..Ooops.... Hi Ellen, did it look like I was talking behind your back?

You, my dear have always kept me honest, shit I couldn't get nothing past you. You always found me out. I would just have to give a hint of my despair in my blog and you knew. And I thought I was so vague, quietly trying to find some answers without giving out to much information. You always found me out. Even with your problems, you gave me so much hope with Gordy's problems. I will never forget that .. you know.

Best blog comment I ever got was from you after we had a flood in our basement I tried to make a rap song of it ....but man you beat the crap out of my song wit da sizzle and dizzle stuff. I didn't know you were a rapper chick? A school marm no less? I have never forgot that one.

Lord, you must have had clenched teeth reading my blogs, with all the spelling and grammatical errors. It's okay, because Brian (the teach) overlooks my obvious ADD too, that's what good people do.

Ellen Bo Bellen...I have only one thing to say.... when Curtis isn't looking...hide the cord from his electric lawn mower, and let's see how your hillbilly can chew the grass, and then we will know what he is made up of.

Ellen, I hope I have cheered you up a bit, and I know (or don't) how hard it is for you. We will all be in the same shoes one day or another.

I just want to say to you (seriously) Costco rocks!!.. I love the smokies.

(Joan was here for awhile, but I booted her, she gets all teary eyed and crap).

Monday, August 06, 2007

We met.....

She came all the way from Alaska and stopped in to say howdy-do to me!!!

I have pictures...

I had stars in my eyes or...hummm I may have had one to many drinks and my eyes were popping out of my glasses. But, sweet Katie looks adorable.

We had such a good time. Unfortunately in my haste and hurryment, while I was breathing in a paper bag in anticipation of her arrival I gave her the wrong address on the phone. Fortheloveofpeacockplace, I have lived here for 25 years! So, I stood out front waving in anything that looked like a truck from Alaska. Met some nice people who thought I was having a garage sale. But she found my house!!
We sat on the deck the entire afternoon having lunch, coffee and later snacks and drinks and talked, and talked. I haven't talked to anyone that much since ..never. She is such a lovely person. She had her dog "Charcoal" with her, at first we had a conflict of interest between "Penny the prickess" and her lovely well behaved dog. All I could do is separate them to start off with, but after an hour or so, I made Penny take her attitude inside, and Charcoal had the reign of the backyard. Sometimes, a time out in needed. I am madly in love with Charcoal, it was love at first sight. I guess Penny sensed that.

This is not the best pic, but I was just about to throw the ball and she was waiting for me. She is very beautiful. Gord came home later and we all went OUT for supper. Yes, I actually went OUT. We went to a little restaurant by the river, and we had our own little tiki hut to enjoy the outdoors and the scenery by the river. It was great.

Here is Katie just finishing up her jar of tequila. Man can those gals from Alaska pour down the drinks!! Heh, just kidding, it was water, but in a tiki hut you must drink from a mason jar for some unknown reason. We had a wonderful time catching up in each others lives. Doesn't she look like Sandy Dennis? She has this sweet little voice which I never expected, because I knew she had been singing in bands for years and years, and I was expecting her to have one of those real throaty voices. I asked her to sing for me, just a bit, and my God...I almost pissed my pants..she was so good. ..but we didn't have time to get into all of that which I am sorry for.

I even let her have a snuggle with my Gordy Good Guy.

We met up for a few hours today. Unfortunately she was not feeling well, because she pulled a muscle in her back while slipping in the shower...damn Canadian Hotels!!!... we are waaay to clean, a little crud goes a long way when it comes to grip. So, she and my fav dog in the world (except Penny) will probably stay another day before she hits the road back to the USofA on to more adventures. I admire her. She has conquered so many challenges, and she will get over this little bump in the road. This was the highlight of my vacation. Thanks Katie!! Maybe if you are still here tomorrow you can sing me another tune.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I might be meeting a blogger friend

I am so excited. Klondike Kate. I'm sorry I don't have my links up yet again, but she is a wonderful gal from Alaska, who has been through so much in the last two years. We just sort of jelled. She lost her husband two years ago, and Mary Lou suggested at one point we should go to her blog and see her through her journey, and I did. It was painful. But so worth it, to see that she has come through so many obstacles and is finally starting her life over.

She is so witty, charming and talented, I don't know if I will be able to keep up when she meets this little mennonite chick from no where Manitoba. I hope I don't disappoint her. I don't know much about her at all, except what she wrote..but I have always felt I've known her my whole life...funny that.

Now, if Special K, would darken my doorstep, I would know exactly where to go, because ...hey..I'm the Auntie she always wanted...and would not feel uncomfortable at all, because she would be the niece I would love to kick up with. A little bit wordy, but a nice girl don't get me wrong. Oh lord, she's going to cream me!! I would really like to meet up with her one day. I can see some good times, we could both get our hair permed at Ultra Cuts . After all, she is getting a little bit older every day...and wouldn't she look cute with a "raisin" do?

This week of holidays has been going splendid did did did.

I have spent most of my time in "the hole"....meaning the two bottom fucking layers of my house. We do our basic living on layer one and two, and the bottom two is basically where we store the junk when we are finished with it from layer one an two.

We are currently trying to curb those tendancies. Today, while cleaning out the rec room, where I have stored every piece of crap of my, our, lifetime, I came across a condum. I guess someone thought it was funny to give us "protection" in our old old age... a french tickler no less. It must have been from one of our "I just turned 50 or 60 parties" .. I found it down there in a champange glass given to us by a well meaning individual. I chuckled. I also mourned those days, because you know, we will never be partying like that again. Not, that we can't, but the "will" just isn't there anymore or the wheelchair what's an old raisin to do? I threw (gave) away all the party favours...which I had been saving a trillion years. All the "old fart" books, scrabble for old farts, crotched penis holders(2) (big hit in the 90's) let's not forget about the barbeque apron for the man of the house, and when he opens his barbeque holder stuff...oops, out pops a penis. AND.. we laughted some more.

Fortheloveofmike...what if we would have showed them a fake barbeque apron vagina... they'd all be saying ..Dad, get the kid's in the truck and let's blow this popcorn stand..

Times havea changed my friends, they have.

I have thrown most everything out of this house, and donated anything good to "Good Will." I have kept everything dear to me in a few boxes. I want a lighter load.