Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Blackbird Invasion

You know my little eeensie weensie pond I built two years ago, because I was too stinking lazy to build one that was large enough to hold a goldfish.........has become blackbird central. This afternoon when I came home for lunch, I had a least 3334 blackbirds in my garden, overturning everything... the little bastards....they got into the pond and threw over the pump. MY PUMP!..and all the water sprayed out into what I call a flower garden. Flowers on weeds count, don't they? And la pond was emptyo. That little pump has a good heart, because she kept on beating whether she had water in her ventricles or not...sitting on her side busted up by those blackbird bastards. So after surveying the situation I sic'd Penny on them....mother of god, you have never seen so many birds take to fight in one magical moment. I had visions of the movie "The Birds"... Penny rounded them all up, and then took a nap, and they all came back, so I had get off my duff and scare them away. I put on my husband's new Gord's Appliance Shirt...it's Orange. The shirt scared me when he brought it home, so I thought it might scare the blackbirds, and so it did. They thought I was a Appliance Repairman Scarecrow.......off they went to neighbours pond.

Gord went on a spending spree and bought a whole new Uniform package, I may have mentioned this once before, but I did not expect an ORANGE SHIRT. Who would do that? Gord that's who...he's crazy. Crazy like a scarecrow.

Tomorrow I am going to capture those Blackbird Bastards in my flower garden with my camera, and you will know of what I speakest of. They have been in my eaves, digging up shit and pulling all the crap down on to the deck everyday this week. Are they trying to tell me something?? ... like clean you eaves you lazy arseholes....Okay already...I get it. I need a pellet gun...then it be bye bye blackbirds. Okay birdlovers, I will shoot over their heads if they don't fly up when I'm shooting up over their heads they will be in luck, other than that bye bye blackbirds.

Okay, I don't have a gun fortheloveofmike, but I have a catalgue that sells them, nuttin stopping me from ordering one .. is there? Okay, so there it is. I don't know how to shoot a gun and I might just nick one of my neighbours in the noggen by mishtaken, und be sent to da yalehouse mit nathing odder than mein underpanst on. Becouse, I likes to shite das gun mitout meine clothen. Ich habbe eine fetish. Du best be nicht my nachtbours, odder dee mist findest avay to keep dem Kopt to das eart ven I bist schutting das bastard schwartzgebirdens. Und ich have kein sorrynicht. Nein.

Isn't grand to be fluent in more than one language.

1 comment:

anonymous mom said...

so "bastard" is german, eh? or bastardized german?