Thursday, August 09, 2007

Phew it's been busy

I am glad we are winding down to the weekend and I can get my shit together.

Let's talk about leg cramps, shall we? I'm pretty sure I am the Queen of all the MF'n leg cramps in the world. Picture this, at precisely 5:00 AM in the morning...lolling away in our big water bed, and decide I don't like the scenery on my left side, so I turn over...and it strikes!! It strikes like a lightning bolt in the back of my calf (no, I am not a cattle farmer) it's my own personal calf, not a pet or a beef product to fatten up for the food chain). Otherwise, it would not be in my water bed. I just wanted to clarify that. I don't sleep with cattle, not yet anyway. But, you know...there could come a day, I don't take anything off the table.

Okay, I am writhing in pain, Gord is snoring, and I jump out of bed as if I had been thrown in the air by a ..what did I say.. oh yeah, a lightning bolt. I start rubbing my calf (no, not the beast) with much vigor. It brought me to tears, it was so intense. I kept on rubbing, because that is all you can do. At one point, I wondered why it felt wet down there, but thought I had just washed my hands after I got out of the bathroom. It took about 15 minutes of rubbing and clenching my teeth until they almost broke when it subsided. It was almost like an orgasm at the end...the ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ... now I can go to sleep.

This morning I woke up and had a little pain in my calf. I looked at it, and to my surprise, I had rubbed it so hard it was all bruised and red. Also, I must have broken the skin with my fingernail. Fortheloveofmike!! Yeah, I know I'm getting old, but since when does your skin get so thin a little rubbing makes it look like a rug burn. Remember those? heh. So, I'm working it out. I have a very large bandage on it, because I need sympathy. When I am asked...
"Hey Joan...what's up with the leg"? those I flaunt my bandaged calf to, I get all casual, and tell them "hey" we were having leg sex last night, and my leg has a hickey. It's all good.

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