Thursday, March 30, 2006

I'm, all Tanya Tuckered out.

How does that poem go: Now I sit here broken hearted, went for a shit and only farted! yeah..there is still some life in me head! But, not for long. I have been sniffling and baling out the basement all day.

I bet all of you thought there were no more pictures of Dogs Playing Poker...wrong...

We have towels in all the corners, it doesn't do much good, but better that it getting further.

The Handi Dandy Shop Vac is prepared to go.. and notice how the water is coming up on the ugly blue carpet...

And this is the rest of the shit I will try to save, but I don't know why..

As shitty as I feel, I even went out and started chopping ice, and making trails to lead it out to lower ground, so it wouldn't pool on the side of the garage. To no avail. This is tough Canadian water, it goes where she wants to go. I chipped and chipped with my new spade I bought last summer, to dig my water pond with. You know the one, where Gord, laughed in my face, and said "this shovel is bent, how much did you pay for it?" I had to take my homey aside and tell him is was a ergonmically correct shovel, so one does not have to take their "60" some year old bones and crunch them while digging. Today, he had disdain for it again, all I could hear is "where is the axe" I know where the axe is?!!! Ohhh yeah, the axe. It's beside the headboard in our bedroom. I need it when I feel like axing you. Axing me what he says?...Obviously the two little birds that were flying overhead, were too loud for him to hear me. It certainly wasn't the gush of water being freed from it's ice cage.

I have his bag all packed to go to Montreal with his bro tomorrow. He said, don't put too much in there, we will be back by Saturday night...and I said, like hell you will, you will sleep on the road. Well, I didn't mean SLEEP on the road, I was thinking of a cheap motel. He is all a fluster because of the water coming in the house, and I don't blame him, but I am a big girl, and I can phone a plumber who will charge us 10,450.67 to fix it. I'm thinking that is why he wants to come home to his bride.

He never, ever gets to go anywhere, so I feel for him, now with this stress he can't enjoy the trip, which he really does deserve.

Back to packing his bag, we don't travel too much and I have given away so many traveling bags that I have acquired over the years. So today, when I looked for one, nadda. I was evisioning putting his toothbrush and gautch in a Safeway bag, but ...but I remembered that my boss had given me a Travel Safety Kit, a reward we all get at work if we don't stub our toes, or get electrocuted. It's cute handy dandy bag, but I had to take out all the innards, because he will be flying. The tow rope (with the metal ends) would probably not get by security. The first aid kit had an exacto knife...gone..a pair of jumper cables, not such a good idea, so I left a flashlite, some medical stuff, and road reflectors in there, in case they need help while driving back from Montreal. I am sure I can stuff some more treats he won't expect in there before he leaves. Like the dog.

Nothing is too good for my Gord.

I have to admit, I am a little hesitant about all this. As much as we make fun of each other, I feel very awkward about this. I always know where he is and he always know where I am..(in his face) LOL...j/k. I worry about the trip. But, I guess, that's what happens in life if you have been married as long as we have.

I'm pooping in my party here, I will drive him and his bro to the airport tomorrow, add the exacto knife to his baggage, and see if he isn't home an hour later!!!

I have my ways!!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

No Arks for sale on ebay...

The water is winning. We have a huge ice dam beside the garage and the gate to the back yard, and it seems the water is going under the garage floor, and then down on the South wall of the wrecked room. I suspect the weeping tiles are geput or frozen! Time to move!!!

Perhaps if we weren't so lax in our snow removal in the back 40 this might not be happening. But, I guess we got spoiled when the house was newer, and it never became a problem. Fortunately, I have never been a rec room type of person, especially in this house (a 4 level split)..because we would never make it up and down the stairs every night of TV viewing and such. Everything that was down there when we moved in, is still the same. Butt ugly. So, any water damage will not hurt my feelings. It's just the damn inconvenience right now, we have go down and shop vac it up every 4 hours! I tried unplug the jam, but the ice is like 6 inches in places and we can't get it to budge just yet. Anyone want to come for a swim? Penny thinks it's cool, as she runs through it, splashing everywhere.

Well, I "wrapped" up my rapping career. Just in case some talent scouts were reading my blog and wanted to make me a star. Unless Phyllis wants to start a group with me...I'll rap and she can do the drums! I'll have to come up with a name for our Yo!

My stinking boss, coughed, sneezed, and snorted all over me on Monday with a bad cold. Guess who he gave it too. MF..

I feel like a Gravel Truck ran over me. The crap of it all is, that I have taken Thursday and Friday off, to do Gord's bookkeeping for 2005, and get it ready for taxes. And I can feel myself fading already. Shoot. When I mentioned this to boss man today, he felt bad, I could tell. I have worked there 10 years, and have had two colds, both from him. He snorts and sneezes, and makes funny noises in his throat..and not a kleenex in sight. I made a mental note, to wash my hands anytime he handed me something, or when he sneezed in my face. I washed my hands, but I must have forgot to wash my freaking face.

The insides of my ears are itchy, and my voice has gone from soprano, to alto. It's kind of cool. I'll have to put on my mike and headphones, and sing some Janis Joplin tunes. No, internet pals I won't record that on "Stickam" and subject you to
my tuneless voice. Well, maybe I could "rap" it...??

Gord will be gone this weekend. Thanks buddy, for letting me deal with the water, my cold, and your bookkeeping. I love taking time off work. Well, maybe if I'm sick I will have to put it off, I sure as hell don't want to pay anymore money to Revenue Canada than I have to...and that just might happen if I'm not sharp enough with doing the books.

Okay, I am boring myself. Do you hear something ringing? I have a ringing sound in my ears! My mom always said if you had a ringing in your ears, someone was thinking of you! But, in my case it may be just one too many tylenols. Or were you really thinking of me. Weird man.

Okay..beddy time for this zombie.......

Monday, March 27, 2006

Rapping...Ode to our basement..

This is just a little "R" rated, because that what Rappers like me do.

Feel the beat!

Here is a little ditty,
About our weeping tiles in the city, boom, boom..

In years gone by,
You used to cry..
And our basement was dry. ...dry .. dry .. dry

Now, the tears have dried,
And let the water from outside begin to...slide .. slide..
Into our basement. Whore. Bam Bam...

Ice and cold have gotta hold,
On your pipes for sure,
So let's take a propane torch to that sucker
For a cure, for sure ...bam bam..whore.

Weep for me again, you bitch
And make the water,
Go away into a ditch..
Like it otter...bam bam whore.

For the last two years,
We have struggled with your shit,
And the time has come,
To thow a fit...bam ... fit.. whore

Someone must have poured
A bucket of "no more tears" yer pipe ya hear
Your letting the water win
I fear... (rapping sounds happening) ... really mad ones.

All, I gotta say,
If I see any more water coming my way.
I will be forced to let it get soaked and sag,
You stinking little douche bag... bam bam..

And if this continues,
Dear House,
I will be forced to sell you
To a unsuspecting louse... bam bam....

I hope the weeping tiles were listening, because they needed a talking (rapping) to.

Play this blog backwards, and you will hear John Lennon singing an Elvis song.

I just read my blog to Gord. I think he might be taking me a better place.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Bedroom tales..R rated.

Well, Sunday nite supper this evening doesn't have a "nationality" attached to it. Unless you are a Shepherd. It's shepherd's Pie. I like to call it Sheep Herder's pie. Only because I am unbalanced. Last Sunday I mistakenly made a Hawaiian dish, and called it Chinese. So, from now on, I am only going to make things that are nationless.

Like toast.

I'm still not driving my Explorer. It sits in the garage all alone, with no plates on it. Gord wants to switch them over from the Bronco, but has not had time yet to put all his shit in the big horking, honking RV that he will be driving instead of me. Better him than me I say. I love the way he pretends to like vacationing by driving a half assed RV, to all his service calls. Hey, whatever rocks your boat! JUST, put the stinking plates on it already.

Not being able to drive it is like winning a lottery, and then someone says, you can only have the money when you are resting comfortably in a "Care Home." Fortheloveofmike.

I was a busy little beaver this week. I did a HGTV, quick and dirty, transformation of our bedroom. I didn't paint the walls, I put a 20 watt bulb in the lamp instead. What you don't see, can't hurt you. Also, it was a timesaver to be sure. I was sick and tired of my old quilt, drapes, and junk. So, I went out and bought a duvet cover, that feels like suede..looks like suede.. and is soft as a baby's bum. I took down my shabby curtains, and got some lovely corduroy one's to match the duvet cover. I love's that word "duvet". I think in my other life "I came from France"...oops there I go again with the nationality thing..I best be careful. Because sure as shit it will be a Russian word. But, I don't think so. Anyway, geez, almost lost my train of thought here...I bought these amazing curtains, and they have grommets on the top, and you push them through a rod. They look great. You probably thought corduroy was only for pants wearing.. BUZZZ...wrong. It is now being used on all fashionable bedroom, and living room ware. Hey, I just might call up the HGTV fashion police, to check out my digs. I'm getting downrite, hip! Anything would beat that old leopard print quilt I had on the bed for a decade. The week before I bought the feather bed thingamajig to put over the waterbed mattress, and now with the new deluxe fiber filled quilt and duvet cover, I will never want to get out of bed again. It's like sleeping on a cloud. Which probably explains why we didn't get up until 11:30 this morning! Penny was getting restless, she kept on butting her head on my nose, but I just pushed her away, and drifted in an out of sleep for hours. The best part about the curtains is that they don't let much light in the bedroom. Our bedroom faces east, and at this time of year, it just a party in there at 8:00 AM. So, then I can pretend it's only 6:00 AM.

So, you must be getting tired of reading my bedroom tales. I am too. It's was too "R" rated.

How about we talk about Kitchen Drawers? You know the one's, that hold all your junk. I had two of them this week, that gave way in the back, and then all you are left with a wonky drawer that sits funny. The front of the drawer looks like it is pouting, and has a "lip on". And when you pull it out, she is not as graceful as she once was. There is a scrapping noise. When you finally get it open, and retrieve your spatula, then close the drawer, it goes "clunk"..and pouts.

The problem, my friends is a little piece of plastic. A piece about 2"x 3" shaped like a little box, with screw holder thingies to hold it in place. Apparently, if you own a house over 25 years old, all cabinet suppliers, and Home Depot, shrug their shoulders. They say, we don't speak older a new one. Or better yet, buy a new kitchen from us with hardware that will last you a lifetime. Yeah, good pitch arseholes, how much longer will I need it? I just want a piece of plastic that will fit my drawers. Well, not mine, but those in the kitchen. If it were mine, then that would be a different story, most anything would fit in my drawers!

There, you have my week in a rather huge nutshell.

I had planned on changing my blog "look"...but didn't have time. I still liked the one I had with the ocean and the palm trees, but I have to work on that one, because some said they had trouble loading it.

My Shepherd just emailed me...supper is ready! You gotta love them sheepherders!

Yours truly,

Thursday, March 23, 2006


But is tasted like shit. Hey, that's not new around here, I have a good cooking week and the next one is the pits. I even fucked up spagetti on Tuesday!! go figure. I keep over thinking our meals, because I am so bored with the day to day mundane fare. I need a tasty treat. LIKE...barbequed baby back ribs...slopping in rich red sauce..a stack of onion rings, a side of fries.....and some really tangy coleslaw. Man, I'm getting hungry. But, tonight we are having grilled ham and cheese samiches, dunked in Campbell's tomatoe and rice soup. I like that to. But, I might just put a stink to that one too, who know's these days.

My hubby is going to Montreal. I can't quite put this in words that would not take me off the internet, but he and his bro are picking up a BMW that his rich bro bought from some guy in PEI. The guy in PEI, is driving it all the way to Montreal to meet them. Gord and his bro are flying out next Friday to meet him, and drive it back to Manitoba. Both overachievers ..they believe this is a holiday. Get on a plane on Friday, fly to Montreal, meet the guy, and pick up the car and drive straight back to Manitoba. Both Gord and his brother have done this 2 times befor, they buy a vehicle from farrrrrrrrrrr far away, and pretend they are having a holiday by driving it day and night back home. I cannot tell you how much this stresses me out.

You know the "big horking honking RV I always talk about?...well they did the same thing there... but this time they actually drove our old van up to BC from Winnipeg and traded it in on the big guy, and drove right back to Winnipeg in two days...hardly any sleep,....just driving... I just hate that. I was hoping that would never happen again, and now it has. At least this time the are flying out to get the vehicle, not driving both ways. I need a shrink! make that a drink.

Gord and his brother are so alike in so many ways, work is there life...both own their own business's and they can never rest! It makes it very hard on me sometimes, because I feel guilty for taking my vacation time from work, without getting the "eye" "what are you going to do"?...They cannot IMAGINE taking time off to just do something other than work. I have struggled with this over our marriage, my folks always made time for a two week holiday every summer. We just packed up and rented a cottage with my Uncle and Aunt and the cousins and went to the Whiteshell ..and had a blast. I tried so hard over the years to get him to take some time off to enjoy time at the lake, when I would rent a cabin and get my SIL's and their kids to join me in my summer holiday. He never would. And he never will. His family owned a restaurant when he was young, and never had the time to go on any holiday, and the work ethic stayed with all of them. work 24-7.

Gord talks about all the good times we will have when we retire...HE..will never retire..and maybe that is a good thing, because he knows no other way, he has to stay busy. I like to stay busy too, but I also like to incorporate some of my hobbies and passions that I have for certain things into the mix.

You see, he has never worked for "the man"...he has been his own boss, and taken all the risks involved, but also enjoyed all the perks of not kissing anyone's ass, or getting up at 7:00AM every day of every week if he didn't want to. But I, have always worked for the man..and feel entitled to my holidays etc. He doesn't get it. He would if he was under someone else's thumb everyfrickingday!!..and somedays I feel I am under the thumb of not one but two boss and Gord.

I don't understand, why everything in our lives...turns out to be some kind a drama..he cannot live without drama. He will turn a little episode into something so much bigger than it needed to be. I gets so tired of it.

Oh well, I have probably given you more information than you need...

This was a balonie "rant"...over and out.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Those pic's of the kid's on my last post were cute ..huh? I just love the one with Emerson with the grouchy face. I have had so many comments on it when I was scrapbooking and I used that pic. I have that pic on my bulletin board along with others at work. Last week a courier came in and he couldn't stop laughing! He asked me if he could take a pic of it with his cel phone to show his girlfriend!! It's priceless.

Busy, busy, here at camp Balonie.

I can't seem to catch up on the chores. I am presently in spring cleaning mode, and am trying to freshen up my bedroom. Today I bought a luscious comforter, and a beautiful faux suede duvet cover. It is a gorgeous sandstone colour, with matching pillow shams. It pretty well covers my ugly waterbed, but I have plans .. and maybe I watch a little toooo much HGTV. To add to that, I bought corduroy drapes for the windows, in the same calming sandstone tones. Now, you might say corduroy is for "pants" wearing.. I tell ya, they look so soft and rich on the windows, just as good as they would on your butt, but without the squishing noises. The drapes are the one's with the grommet holes in them and you just slip them on a rod.

I'm such a fancypants these days!! My hardass rep is going to hell. AND, if I don't like the drapes, I will pull a Scarlet O'hara...and make a pair of jeans out of them, before the Yankees come a calling.

I would tell you guys what I have baking in the oven right now, but, in order not to embarrass myself again, on the origin of the food I am making, I will just say it's "Scalloped potatoes with a difference." There is a secret ingredient involved tonight... I cannot divulge it..don't beg me for the recipe..because it is locked in my memory until the day I die...If this blog goes down you will know, I killed us both with my new cooking "with a difference" crappola.

Hey, Brenda, thanks for the link that you gave when you put on the new look on your blog. I downloaded one I JUST LOVE. But, I can't fortheloveofmike figure it out. Usually, they just give you the code and you unzip it..copy it and paste to blogger. But when I click on the HTML code, it comes up with the actual look of the blog. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I'm thinking of using either the dragon fly or the one with the kittens!!..any hints you can throw my way would be appreciated.

Well, my Scalloped Potatoes, "with a difference" are smelling pretty good. See you all on the other side!

Monday, March 20, 2006

And now for something totally different

Meet my grandnieces...

I love those little loud mouth babes. Mackenna has an attitude that shows!!

Here is another hat picture of Emerson when she was only about 3 months old..she was not having a good hat day.

Tarlyn is the youngest, she is only about 6 months old. She never stops smiling. Mackenna is the the second youngest (3), who has an "attitude" you can see, but I'd be pissed too, if I had to wear the same hat as everyone else. Emerson is the oldest,(5) ..and I think she will be a long haul truck driver when she grows up...she's a gutsy little chickadee.

That's the balonie update for today.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Sunday Sundries..cleaver huh?

Just a note before I continue...I put a message to everyone on the post below.

I was having so much fun today with my new headset. I am damn near cool. But, of course it took hours to get it to work. I'm thinking about wearing the headset in my new SUV. Not only will I get more respect, but they just might think I am a radio "traffic reporter"..and.!!, I might need a chopper.

The SUV, is sitting in the garage. We don't have plates on it yet. This afternoon Gord and I sat in it. We made all the toys do there stuff..and we marveled. If you close the door, IT LOCKS..I don't know about that. There is a little thing on top of the visor that tells you the temperature...fortheloveofaSUV how stupid is that?..I know how cold it is before I get into it. Dumbasses. You pay for crap like that. Now, if they would have given me a heated steering wheel, it would be a different story. That is something I could use! I even have a CD player, okay, like I have two CD's in my collection. The only bad part about leaving the ole RV for this guy, is I can't watch TV at red lights. Just kiddin.

Tonight, I am experimenting with a new recipe I made up in my very own little head. I call it "Pot Roast With A Difference." Likely the only difference will be, that we both go to bed hungry because it tasted like shit. You see, winter is waning, and maybe one should put the potatoes, root vegetables, and gluey gravy to bed. So, it only seemed logical I try to "spring" it up a bit. The real difference is, that it is now, Chinese Pot Roast. Somehow, I don't think Chinese people make pot roasts. pot stickers maybe, but not pot roast. I am about to change that. Are you listening Chinese People?

Here is how you do it:

Take a cheap round roast

Add some oil, and crank the burner to "high"

Season it with Hy's Seasoning Salt, and Garlic powder.

Put it in the pot..carefully now, because the burner is on high, and you wouldn't want to burn your eye.

Brown it on all sides.

Rest...and have a glass of wine.

Once it is browned, add half a cup of water and a 1/4 cup red wine (if you have any left)

Bring it back up to boil...and then park that baby on simmer.

Have another glass of wine, or go on the internet looking for a better pot roast recipe. could do both.

Once you smell the aroma of your efforts, lift the lid to take a little sniff, and if you scald your face, you have lifted it too quickly, the yea old pot roast is unforgiving, so just be a little careful, okay? Get medical attention.

If the pot roast still seems bland,look in the fridge and see what you have on hand.

Personally, I had a jar of pineapple chunks, packed in it's own juice. You see where I am going with the Chinese stuff now?

Okay, take jar of pineapple along with the juice, slap it in a bowl, then add some soy sauce, more garlic powder and cornstarch, and mix it all about.

Throw it in the pot. And bring it up to boil again, then back to simmer.

Have another glass of wine. Simmer for 2 days.

Then make some rice, and veggies, and it's all good.

I can't wait till Gord gets home..

Just stopping in the say HI to everyone

Just click on the music button for a secret message from yours truly.

Get Stickam for Free.

Look at me go, don't I look like I know what I am doing.

I walked away from the computer about 30 times with the headphones still attached and dern near strangled myself.

See ya later gators

Friday, March 17, 2006

Well if my face ain't red

I just logged in, and all my rants were showing!! I couldn't see them, and every time I hit "publish"...I had a big RED ERROR SIGN. I logged in a complaint, but I never heard from them. Maybe they don't like Canadians. Next time I see them, I will be giving them a wedgie they won't forget.

I have been fighting with this sumabitch since Wednesday. I still don't trust it. I will save this as a draft right now, and see if she works. BRB.

Well, that was dumb. You can't view it if it was saved as a draft. Am I daft? Perhaps.

I deleted the posts, because I thought they were corrupted, thinking that was making blogger mad. Ahhhh forget it, they were lame little pieces of crap anyway.

Okay, back to regular scheduling.

Okay, then. So how was your day? I milked my dog. Just kidding.

All this hoopla, and nothing to say, what was my problem?

I do have some news, my hippy chick girlfriend, is having some serious problems with her new boob. Some of the skin they stitched on it, did not take..and is now dead tissue...leaving her with a "hole"..on the bottom of the breast. She just found this out on Wednesday when she went for a check up and they took off all the scabs and stuff from the surgery. So, this means they have to get the two pieces of skin on either side of the hole to meld together...yuck. This will require a little tricky stuff, that they never expected it to happen. But, such is surgery I guess. I felt so sorry for her. She finally had her dream, and was whole again, (no pun intended) and now this. I will talk to her tomorrow and get more details on what the doctors have said.

Hey, you guys...if you don't want to read gory stuff, don't read an old fart's blog, because at my age it ain't gonna get better.

Talking about better. Guess what? Go on...guess. Nevermind..I am going to get my own personal new (used) Ford Explorer. Goodbye big honking horking forking oldfartmobile. I HAVE A SUV! It's pay back time baby, for all the people who have been laughing at me on the road driving to work each day. I know who you are. I know you all are a little scared of me because I was so much bigger than your puny pieces of metal. But, I acted like a gentle giant would. I was kind and compassionate and forgave you for the looks of disdain I got from from you. BUT, if I see anymore of your chicken little's "smirks" in my direction, I will run you off the road, you "pavement pricks"..I got bumpers bigger than your mama's...

Hold on here balonie girl, you is getting mighty feisty, I say!!

Yeah, that's what happens when blogger shuts you down, you need to vent.

I have to get back to the kinder and more gentle side of my nature. AND wouldn't you know it...Norton just started to do a virus scan! T h i s m e a n' s I c a n o n l y t y p e a t t h i s s p e e d.

N o w, I a m n o t o n l y m a d a t b l o g g e r, I h a t e m y c o m p u t e r.

B e s t R e g a r d' s
J o a n

Hey..Internet (testing)

It's know the mean one.

Why are you screwing with my head. I can't get into a whole bunch of sites all the words are gone, just the shell is left.

What did you do with my people? Where is Brenda? She's gone, gone gone..

Okay you muther, I'm going to hit publish, and if all I see in my old entry from Monday, I will be forced to hmmmm I don't know...wait I guess, but with a very big frown on my face.

You cyber bitch

Dear Blogger(testing)

I hate you. If I could reach in my screen and punch you out, I would.

Why are you so mean to me. You kept me up late at night again yesterday, with nothing to show for it. You would not publish any of my beautifully written blogs this week, because you are a fucking turd!

Lets see if this works...I doubt it.


testing, why is the hell is my blog not working

Monday, March 13, 2006

My dad liked talking to statues

...and when he talked to them..he would stat you? HAAAA..we would laugh till our side hurt! I have another pic around here somewhere where we went on holiday to the US, and we landed up in a place where they had the house where Abe Lincoln lived and you could sit and have tea with him on an outside patio. The figure was very life like, and Dad took advantage of another photo op, with a President. We had to drag him away. Always the character me dad was.

He was a man who worked hard during the year, but when we went on holiday...he let his hair down...(well so to speak).. I probably made most of them fall out. My mom used to tell me a story of when she would go to the movies with a friend, and she would come back to find dad fast asleep on the couch with pin curls in his hair! I was crazy about hair, and always wanted to give someone a "do."

Sometimes Dad went a fun way...give that guy my moms skirt, a hat, and he was your girl for the night!! This was taken at the cottage, and I guessing some beer was involved.

His birthday is coming up this week...and I want to cry. I miss me daddy.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Humliation you are my friend

As I have said before, Gord and I aren't real movie buffs.

I thought I could change that this weekend. If I am anything, I am always optomistic which always leads to my downfall. I should know by now..sigh..

You see, there was a pesty little cloud hanging over balonies head this weekend. Call it fate, or sheer stupidity but I managed to make myself look like a horse's ass at Blockbuster Video on Friday. Things were looking good for the weekend, my boss let me off early, I was wearing my luck blue sweater, and I had a hankering to watch a real movie. Not one on TV...I mean A REAL RENTED MOVIE! We got a DVD player for Christmas and had not tried it out yet. My BIL set it all up and gave me the low down on how to operate in my mind, I was GOOD TO GO.

I left work on Friday, and went straight to Blockbuster to rent movies.

I have been there ..hmmm, let me think, sometime in 2002, so I had a Blockbuster card. I was prepared. I walked in the store, and was just blown away by the assortment of movies one could aquire if one so desired. But, I had made a list of 4 movies I wanted to see.

1. Trailer Park Boys
2. Crash
3. Meet the Folkers
4. Cold Mountain

As you can see, I wasn't looking for much substance...pure entertainment was my goal.

I started to "browse" though the store, and to my amazement I found all 4 movies!! K'CHING. It took me about an hour because I wasn't to familiar where all this shit was. I seen huge lineups at the check out counter, and was amazed at all the people coming in on a Friday night, renting movies. So, I thought I would just browse somemore, and let the lineup die down.

Two people beside me were bitching that the movies they wanted were rented out. I thought...hey Mr. and Mrs. Stupid.. I have them right in my hot little hands, and you can't get them..that was before I went to the check out.

As I approached, an over zealous sales clerk, said...HI, CAN I HELP YOU. I said yes, but it seems (as I was fumbling in my wallet, I could not find my Blockbuster card from 2002).. I cannot find my card! He said, no problem all we need is some kind of ID. Okay, I said ..trying to keep all my DVD stash balanced in my arms, along with the contents of my purse. Once, I was directly in front of him, I unloaded all my DVD's on the counter, he suddenly had a frown on his face. He said, not only haven't you been here for a long time (dumbhead), but you have taken all the display DVD packages off the shelf. Hey.. Say What?

Well the way I heard him say it, you have to take the DVD movie BEHIND the display model. Fortheloveoafolkerdvd!! But, he was all smiles after that, and treated me like a 5 year old, and said, let's just go and put all of these back and see if you have acutually picked any movies that are in stock. Fudge. I tried to follow him, but he was fast, and I had picked a DVD from every end of the store. So I finally just gave up and went to the counter. Mr Cheery, came back and said, you are in luck, we have Meet the Folkers, and Cold Mountain. I wept. I wanted Trailer Park Boys! So, when I paid for the movies, I went in my wallet to get out my ID, and I found my Blockbuster Card tucked in a corner! His reply was, well something went right for ya tonight!! ...fuckhead.~!

I took the movies home, and later when Gord got in, we ordered pizza. I asked him if he wanted to watch one of the movies, and he said NO... because it's was getting late and he had to get up early on Saturday. Okay then! (good thing that was, because I didn't even know how to use the DVD player.)

My plan for Saturday night was after everyone had left our AAhour ritual, to make a light supper and watch movies. So, I practised my DVD skills during the afternoon while I was doing housecleaning and shit. I aced it.

Saturday night came around, all the people left. I made some snacks and turned on the DVD PLAYER. I was sorta showing off.. I put on Meet the Fockers. Mistake number one.

You see, Gord has this thing, every fricking time I want to watch a movie on TV or rent one albeit from 2002, HE HAS SEEN IT ALREADY!! How, in the hell, can that be? It's just not possible, all he watches is the news!!

The movie started, and I was waiting for him to say something. Nope, we watched, and we laughed..I started thinking ... maybe he hasn't seen this one in his dreams. Suddenly a scene come's on with Jinx the cat who is pissing it the toliet..and all I hear is WE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE..wellfuckme! I exhaled. I knew it was coming, but I didn't know when. I got up from my reclinder, went to the bathroom, where I had conviently placed a noose over the showerhead...and hung myself.

You see, if he has seen a "trailer"...he has seen the movie! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!

So, after he took the noose off my neck and did some CPR, (this is as close as I have got to sex in a long time) I asked him, if he could he tell me what was coming up next on the movie?...and he did..and he was right..and it couldn't have been on the "trailer"...

I think, we must have seen it on TV and at the time I was making His Highness his supper and got distracted...or I was smoking crack. What do you think?

On another topic, I was going through some computer junk I had stored away, and I found my old web cam I had when my last comupter pulled the plug. I installed it again today, and have been looking at myself at length. Vain? looking at my flabby face, making obsence hand gestures, and then coxing the dog to get on my lap...and saying..Penny..who's that pretty girl?..

Ahhh, I live a full life. Nothing wrong here.
You think?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I just heard a rumor

A movie that is being shot in Winnipeg will be using the little rental house we own. Laurie ( the tenant) told us yesterday that she was approached by a production company asking her if they could use it for a shoot! To cool. It's just a little old house squeezed in an industrial district. I guess they must need it for ugly. LOL. We kept the house on the property we bought because we thought one day we might need more space for the adjacent office building for additional parking. But that has never happened. So we rented it to a very nice couple and their family for the last 10 years at a very affordable rate. I hope we never have to ask them to leave, they are wonderful people. It's funny, when we bought the property to build the office building, I looked on that little house with disdain. It was butt ugly. The owner was a bachelor, who was a pig. The whole place was overrun with mice, and vermin.

Somehow Gord saw some good in it. I wanted to put it out of it's misery. But he got a carpenter friend of his to fix it up. This happened in 1991 when I was out of work for a year. So, we struck a deal with Ben "the carpenter" and he would do the big stuff and I would do all the rest. You know, that was the best summer of my life.

Except for the day, we had to tear the garage down. It was falling apart. We got a big truck, enlisted the AAhour crew, 2 old guys, and three old girls to tear it down. Fudge...first we had to empty it. The guy who owned it previously left such a bunch of crap in there, we were overwhelmed. But the process began. Everyone was hauling and tossing shit in the truck..sometimes we stopped to look at the junk and then said..nahhh..junk.. and toss! Meanwhile the guys had a "sawsall" and started to saw the sucker apart...piece by piece...the sides, the door, the roof, piece by piece!.. it was sawed apart and thrown in the truck. It took all fucking will never believe how dirty we were and tired. But, now you can see why were are friends forever, because we have all done so much crazy shit together, we are garagemates.. and then it began.

I worked like a dog. I removed mice feces, I scraped baseboards, I cleaned, I shoveled shit out of the house with my bare hands. When all the hard stuff was over, we ordered new kitchen cupboards, sinks, the whole enchilada, put in new carpets and bathroom, etc.

I would come in about 9:00 in the morning and Ben would be plastering and taping in one room and I would be painting the room the had done the day before. We worked like a team. He would have "Beethoven" blasting on his getto blaster...whilst I was listening to Dr. Laura in my area. We would get together for lunch, dirty as pigs in poke, and go over our next plan of action. Ben, is a special guy, not in as "special"... okay, maybe just a bit, but he could talk and talk and talk until your ears were bleeding, about every damn thing you didn't want to know about. He is the kind of guy that can never stay on one subject, and just when you are getting into the conversation, he changes gears..and "shit" ..he's talking about his barber.

I liked Ben. I loved my time in that little house. By the time Ben and I were finished, I felt like that it was my house. I wanted to move into it. It was almost completely renovated and had all my sweat and tears built into it. I had chosen all the new stuff that we put in there, and I had a strong connection to it. And I would be sorry to see Ben go. This unlikely friendship we had formed would be missed. I would miss the backfiring of his 1977 rust torn pickup, watch him roll a cigarette from a tobacco pack with such expertise, and be able to measure anything "by eye."

I remember a day I was painting in the kitchen, and he was doing some plumbing that required him to go into the crawl space to fix a leak. He was down there most of the morning, laying on his back in a narrow little space. Every once in awhile when I couldn't hear him banging away I would yell at him and ask him if he was okay...he would reply, I'm just playing with the rats!! Funny guy. Anyway it got to be a little after lunch I said Ben, would you like me to bring you something...water, juice?...he said it's okay, I've been having a drink out of the water valve when I get thirsty!!! Go Ben!! He was a character. He was a hard working, do it! kind of guy. But a little weird, that's why I liked him.

Anyway, that is the house story. I don't even have a picture of her, but I should take one. You guys might just see the old girl in a movie!! Did you know that the Capote movie was shot in Winnipeg and surrounding districts? Actually we have had a lot of famous people in and out of our city doing movies. We have a lot of vintage buildings in our downtown that make it a dream for movie makers.

Come on down for a visit.. WE COULD PUT YOU IN THE MOVIES!! I tried to put a pic up but blogger decided against it.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I think I broke a meme law

Joe challenged me. I have to report 5 wierd habits I have.

1.)When Gord is telling me a story, I have heard 4,668 times before:

I pretend to listen, while I am doing what I do. Every once in awhile,
I will glance up at him and make eye contact, and repeat the last word of his sentence, and say "and why was that?" or "sounds good to me." We both love having those intimate conversations. That is what keeps our marriage alive.

2.) I have tee shirts older than some of my nephews... I never throw a tee shirt away, even the one my girlfriend gave me that says "I'm Stupid"...and she had the one that said "Stupid is with me"... I knew she was kidding..She was, wasn't she?

3.)okay...let's just say, I like dark humour, and find some stuff funny most people wouldn't. Some shit just breaks me up, but it has to be the right thing, or I don't laugh..nope. I go...loser!!

4.) I don't like to watch TV very much. I get figetity. It makes me nervous. Just when I want to see something, the commercials come on, and I loose interest, right there and then. A.D.D. I know! I can't bear waiting for anything. Let's just call # 4 impatient.

5.) I like smelling my dog's butt...just kidding...butt..she has it in my face every morning when I get up...I'm sort of getting used to it. It smells like last nights supper. LOL this bag now...if ya haffta...

That's what you gets when you asks balonie to meme.

Now, I am supposed to meme 5 other people who read my blog.

That could be a problem...I know of only a few who tune in, but I don't think I have five. I know Brenda has done it leaves...

Nanny (but I think her blog is down)
Special K

So if they see this, they can do it too. I won't be pushing them to answer it.

I hope I didn't break a meme law, and get kicked out of the internet..lardy!

Monday, March 06, 2006

I bought a micro fiber bedsheet. Everyone in the whole great white north should have one of these. It's like cuddling up to a huge cuddly polar bear. It is soooooo soft, it will melt your innards. They even have pillow cases made of the same fiber. It is so comfy. I put in on our bed Friday night. BTW, the waterbed is getting pretty high (as in tall) by now, I have the feather bed on top of the water mattress, plus a old comforter, and then I put the fiber bedsheet on top of that. I hope I don't fall out of bed, I could get a concussion. If I get into any trouble now, I will just keep my set of keys with me in bed ...and press the red panic button if have any troubles .. and my buddy will go "honk honk." Gord might just wake up.

I scored a cheap waterbed heater on EBAY, so we should be getting warmer soon, without all the extra underwear. We are getting a new bed and didn't want to buy a new heater that costs about 100.00 bucks, so this will do until we find the bed we want.

On another note. My van. This morning when I went out to go to work, the top of old smokey had about 3 inches of soft snow on her. I started to back off the driveway, and it all came a'tumbling down on me windshield, like an avalanche. I put on my wipers and got most of it out of the way. I went to work, and when I left to go home for lunch later I had a huge crack on the windshield, from one side right down to the other! Shucks!! I called Gord and told him what happened, and he said there was a little crack way down on the bottom of it when he bought the van and something might have triggered it. My thinking was, all that HONKING she did this weekend was just to much for the ole girl.

She just cracked up.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

I was horny while people watched.

Just wait, it will all come together.

Friday after work I went to Superstore to pick up a few items. I parked the big horking/honking/RV/SUV/Old fartmobile/don't come a knocking while this van's a rocking machine, about three blocks from the store entrance.


Because I need the room.

I went in and diddled around for a awhile, and got what I wanted, I needed, and didn't need. Unfortunately I passed the $1.00 bins. I needed clothespins. After all I hang my wash out on the clothesline all the time. Or I could use them to clamp my nose when I have a cold. You never know when they will come in handy. I also bought a multitude of plastic items with no possible use.

After I finished shopping, I took my cart back to my van. Nothing out of the normal took place. I punched the "Unlock" button on my remote door opener. The horn started to honk! It wouldn't quit. I was taken aback. Whaaa... what the shit is going on? I was positive we didn't have an alarm system. Did a thief break in and install one?..needless to say I was flabbergasted. I started walking around the van to see where the noise was coming from. Eventually I figured out it was coming from the horn. Duh! I don't know why I didn't try to open the door again. Yes, I know why, because I had just pissed my pants and was scarit. Finally, a few people start to mill around my larger than large RV. One man said "did someone break into your van?" ...and I said whallaaalaballabingbang, whilst shaking in my boots. He said, lady, I don't understand the language you are talking. I said, I don't know, but the horn won't quit honking and I don't have a burglar. You don't have a burglar?, he said..I said yes, I don't have a burglar. More people started to mill about, then one lady said, why don't you open your door with the key and see if anything is missing. I don't have a key I just have this remote thing. And when I pressed the unlock button the horn started to honk and the doors stayed locked.

She took my set of keys, and said...I think I know the problem. You see this red button in the centre of the says "Panic" must have pressed that instead of unlock. Sure as god make little green apples, when she pressed it the horn went off. I have been driving this miserable bastard for two years and never even knew it was there. Press it once for "on" press once for "off." For theloveofmymiserableexistance....I thanked her profusely, and tried to get the crowds to disperse. How in the hell did I miss that. Now, that I think about it, it's a very handy feature. When I get in the van, I will press it, to scare ducks away.

Shit, I'm stupid.

On a lighter note, well it couldn't get lighter than that, my hippy chick girlfriend came over for AAdjustment hour last night, along with the rest of the cast. We were all just settling down to a long Winters chat, when she said, do you want to hear something funny? Ahh, yeah, but it better pretty funny! She is the one who had breast reconstructive surgery and gained a brand new tit. In order to gain that tit she had to have a piece of her stomach skin removed to remake it. They take a few inches of skin from the belly to make the breast, and then they sew the belly back together stretching it back together. She has to be very carefuly of her belly now, because it will take time for the skin to stretch. It has now been almost a month and she noticed yesterday, that she had pubic hair growning up right close to her belly button....LOL...they pulled it up from the bottom~~ AHHHHAAA. I said it was good thing they didn't stretch it over her face, she would have had a moustache. I'm still laughing!!

And, look what we had for supper last yer hearts out. A customer of Gord's supplies restaurants with prime tenderloin steaks, and she gave Gord two of them last week. We had two frozen lobsters in the fridge, and we feasted on a a very good meal, of steak, lobster, baked taters and mushrooms.

Just a note: I'm still working a new redesign...and a beach scene. But I will be testing it out on my test blog before I subject real people to see it. How mature of me.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Dog stuff & serious stuff

She is such a witch/bitch, when she is tired of playing, she jumps up on the pickanic table with her ball and won't move. So I made her an igloo. I had most of her head covered at one point, but she broke through. I am sure she could survive all night with the temp's as mild as they are today.

Just talked with me bro. Sad, sad, sad. I last saw him during the Christmas holidays, and he was doing sorta okay. But, now his problems with his back have progressed to unbearable. He needs surgery, as his backbone is separating from his spine...don't quote me on that, but that is what I think he said. It is hugely painful. He is now on morphine pills and T3's. He told me today that this problem can be successfully be treated with surgery. I HOPE so!! He sounded so despondent and so weak. But, with our health care system, how long will he have to wait for surgery?

He can't do stairs anymore, and hasn't been out in a month. This guy, is not my bro! I cry for him. How did his life change so much in one day in July, after a heart attack to this crap. The heart attack was diabetes related, and all the rest followed. It almost seems to me that the heart attack triggered all the other stuff...but a doctor I am not.

I'm a little bummed out. But lets just see how it works out.

And a note:

To Andie sincerest condolences to you and your family on the passing of your father.

To Brian (Teach)..An Audience of One... my condolences to you and your family on the passing of your father.

It wasn't a very happy day in blogland. Two people I am proud to know are missing their daddies. I know how they feel, I have walked that walk, it's a very long lonely mile. Life as you knew it, has changed forever. Family get togethers, Christmas's, birthday' name it, there is an empty hole that can never be filled. Just take it one day at a time, and let your grief out, and don't be ashamed of it. It will heal you at the end.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


I'm talking about making food.

Of course, only having an hour or so to put supper together every night I usually don't get too inventive. Some of my supper's taste like duck shit, and then the next week, they taste pretty good. Why is that, I ask myself? I have discovered that if you put "Italiano Four Cheese Blend" shredded cheese in everything you make, it will be worth eating. Hey, it's worth the effort. You can put it on dog shit and it will taste good!!

I made the most incredible Scalloped Potatoes with ham on Tuesday, (just made it up as I went along). Yummers. And it had the secret cheese ingredient in it. It was orgasmic..I tells ya.

I bought a "feather bed" yesterday. It's not a real bed, but it's a comforter looking thing you put on top of your mattress..or in my case the water bed. I bought it from a place called Jsek. Nobody I know pronounces it the same. Some say JAYSEC, some say JASEC, and others say YASEC.give me a break.. I think that the "J" is silent. So I just call it, bless you! (feathers..get it?) I'm funny like that. Anyway, the feather bed is a hit!! The heater in the waterbed still isn't cooperating and we have to hit it on it's head with a pair of pliers every night to get it going. The feather bed is about 3-4 inches high and filled with duck feathers. It was very comfy and warm last night. But, I had me some duck dreams last night...naked ducks without their feathers, crying out into the night. Like the old song.

There's a little white duck sitting in the water
a little white duck doing what he oughter
he took a bite of a lily pad
flapped his wings and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little white duck sitting in the water
quack! quack! quack!"

and then after the incident

There's a naked little duck sitting in the water
a naked little duck doing what he oughter
flapped his wings (just a smidge to hard and someone stole all his feathers) ouch.
and he said "I'm glad
I'm a little naked duck sitting in the water
waiting for my feathers to grow again .. like they oughter.
quack! quack! quack!

Nothing like going to bed with the remains of your fine feathered friends

What was I thinking Donald?

Disclaimer: I love animals .. and if they want to skin be it... go for it. But, as some Safeway clerks have remarked, I am a little long in the I might be a little "chewy."