Monday, January 30, 2006

Just nonsense

It's Monday night, it's the middle of winter and time to sit on the "lazy boy" (no not Gord's you pervs) and put my feet up . and veg out. Got some leftovers brewing in kitchen, last nights pork roast sliced up with some gravy..good for a Hot Pork Roast Sandwich...yummers..with veggies. In the old days I would have added a side of fries, but alas those days are over. It's bad enough we ordered in Chicken on Saturday night after all the AAH's went home. I was too pooped to cook. Usually I have something prepared, but I really really wanted Chicken Delight Chicken, with the huge fries and coleslaw, along with the white sticky roll, and GRAVY. I needed it. I ate it. I enjoyed it. Now my pants don't fit. I can't bend over..who cares, I don't eat off the floor anyway. Unless ... something really good falls down there.

I have lost tons of weight 3 times in my tons I mean 20-30 lbs. Each time, it takes me about 10 years to gain it back, and then I loose it again, only to gain it back. My body seems to need 30 more pounds on it than my pants or my body does. It's the same old drill over and over. I will lose the 20-30 pounds again in spring..or if something tragic happens in my life...then I can't eat and will lose the weight by default. Hopefully that won't be the case. But, I quite like the strechy jeans they make I will buy bigger ones.

Gotta fly...Sleep tight..and don't let the bed bugs bite.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Actually this little guy should in gif. format on my side blog, because his little schlong does tricks. I am sure by now you can tell I am short on material and long on smut. He is quite an inventive little fellow. Beats talking about the weather!

We had a very rambunctious AAH Meeting yesterday. It's been the first time since Christmas that all of us have shown up in one pile. Gord and Ron got here earlier than ususal, they went to the Motorcycle Show downtown, but found it a little boring. I guess Pamela Anderson didn't show..or whoever. Janis (hippychick) and Sheila followed right behind...and it was only 5:45! Normally we start about 6:00-6:30, but I guess they all missed each other so much.. we had so much to discuss and so many attitudes to change and define.

#1. The recent election. Ron who is a flag waving, card carrying, blue to bones Conservative, would make for a lively discussion. He wasn't in the door a minute when hippy chick told him in no uncertain terms, THAT, if ANYTHING..were to go wrong with the new government, he would be on the floor eating dog shit. He has been the one to give us no end of grief everytime something happened with the last government. He better hope they keep their noses clean, because we will be all over him like ants on a popsicle stick. We will never let him have a moments of peace from here on in..never. hippy chick sprung some news on us that took us aback. So, far aback I almost fell off my barstool. You see, she had breast cancer 11 years ago, and has bitched for 11 years. About her bra..the cost of the bra's with the one prosthetic in it, the constant shifting of same, swim suits she cannot wear because of said missing tit. It's always tit this tit that!! Well, finally something happened to break the ole proverbial camels back. Her cat found her bra on the chair one night and started to knead in the gel filled cup, and broke it!! That's $150.00 buck up yer ying yank folks!! So, she decided to get breast reconstructive surgery done. Can you believe it!! She is 59 years old fortheloveofatit!! She, unbeknownst to us had all the tests done, she was deemed a suitable candidate, and will be be under the knife on Tuesday!! When she had her breast cancer surgery way back when they didn't do too much reconstructive stuff, so she never thought it was possible after all this time. I really admire her for her guts, because this is a 9-10 hour surgery, and they take the skin off your belly, and the fatty tissue to make the new tit. Then sew it on ...wha la...!! Of course the coversation got a little dirty after know how it goes with tit jokes. She will be in the Cancer Care Centre for 4-5 days where they will monitor the new "tit" just to see if all the blood vessels etc. and that are making contact. I may not have all this entirely correct, because I was still on the floor trying to get back on my barstool, but I think I have some of it right. After that she will have to take it easy and convalesce for a month or so. They told her she probably wouldn't be able to stand up straight for a few weeks because the skin they would take from her abdomen would have to go back to it former self. Lord!!

Sheila thought the whole thing was pretty funny, her only thought was, how does the surgeon stand there for 9-10 hours without taking a pee? We in our total lack of any knowledge of any kind, decided that a nurse would follow him to the can, pick up his pecker and lets him go. Otherwise, if he did it himself he would have to scrub up again, and it would be time consuming. It was a meeting of fools and idiots last night. But we had so much fun. Last but not least before we all hugged Janis goodbye..even me..the non hugger, she asked me if she could use my digi camera, she wanted a before and after shot, but didn't want to use her regular camera..because it would have to be developed. So, that should be interesting. She doesn't get a nipple yet, that comes later...but she is willing to wait!!

I remember just after her surgery 11 years ago, she was adamant on not wearing one of "those" bras with the fake tit in it. For a long time, she went around making a "statement"...That's what ole hippies do... and wore no bra. But, she soon found out that her clothing didn't fit her properly, so she mainstreamed and got the phoney bra. She is a very brave, I don't know if I could do that. But you have to know her, she has her own agenda and is true to herself. I love her, my oldest and dearest friend for some 45 years.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Scorpio vs. Libra

It was 11:30 PM in Las Vegas, we were at a Jonathon Winters show (who by the way used to slay me)..after the show was over, and we were still sitting at a long assed table sipping vodka and orange crush (the drinks were included in the cover charge), when this couple beside us were getting kind of stupid. Gord leaned over to me and started to whisper something in my ear. I swatted him away. I was sure he was going to talk about them. He kept it up for about 5 minutes..and I hissed at him, if you are going to say something about the couple beside us ...lower your voice and say it in (low german). He looked at me ..yeah me .. the space cadet..took my left hand and pulled out an engagement ring, and asked me to marry him. In english.

Fuckidie fuck

How romantic was I? He took me all the way to Vegas because he knew I loved Jonathon Winters and thought that after the show would be a romantic time to pop the question. And I asked him to propose in a different language he could barely speak. What a guy, that Mr. Scorpio was. And BTW I - me Ms.Libra said "yes".

After the first show with Johnaton Winters was over, there was another one starting Sarah Vaughn...we stayed for that, she had a beautiful voice, and we held hands and just listened to the music. When we left, Sarah was at the door as were were leaving and Gord told her the events of the evening, and she gave us her autograph and wished us a happy life.. bless her soul!!

Our planets aligned later that night.

The next day was a stressful one. We decided to get married in Vegas!

We had originally driven down to Vegas with my now SIL and BIL, "to party". They knew of Gord's plans and I was the only one left in the dark. The next day when we met up with them for breakfast they asked us what our plans were. Gord said, seeings we are in Vegas, "lets get married here"! I damn near choked on me bacon and eggs (along with the complimentary glass of champagne)in a plastic glass. I said I don't think I can, I still have five bucks in pennies I need to gamble away at the slots, and that will take me all the live long day!

The only thing I could think of was "my mom will kill me"..over and over. But,he had planted the seed. As the day wore on, and after 30 watered down rum and cokes, the idea started to look like a good one, by golly. Those were the days you had to have a blood test first before you could get married. We phoned around and were told where to go to get the necessary papers etc. The offices closed at 5:00PM, we got there at 4:45PM. I remember there were a long set of stairs going into an official looking building. We started the long climb up them. I stopped, Scorpio stopped. I said, for the 978th time, "my mom is going to kill me". By this time SIL and BIL were getting a little antsy, and wanted us to go through with this in the worst way. They kept on telling us we only had 5 more minutes, we had to hurry!! We got into the building and I stopped at a water cooler and had a drink of water and an aspriin. My head was throbbing. Both Scorpio and I sat down on a bench leading to the office, looked at each other... and he said "lets get the hell out of here" ... and we did! My SIL was crying!!!...and blubbering away saying "we came all the way out here to stand up for you two at your wedding"...wahhh wahhh wahhh... Ahem, someone should have asked me first dontcha think?

I wasn't too sad at all. I had a ring, the wedding date would be arranged and I could take my time looking for shoes to match my dress. And best of all, my mom wasn't going to kill me.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

More on idiots..excluding myself

If you work in an office, you will know that sometimes they like to change things. However, management will never meet with those who use the system the most. YES, they changed the phone system in our office. I, being the answerer of the phones, was not invited to give my opinion on the choice of phone systems they were deciding upon. Why should they? After all, I am the one who is directing and receiving the calls. Makes perfect sense to me. Our head office took it upon themselves to force our little branch office to change the system. It's a Mitel digital system of some sort. Our higher uppers thought going this route would improve customer service and make it easier (and cheaper) for all of our three branches to communicate with each other. Apparently, this system works through our internet provider. YIKES! But on the bright is cheaper than conventional phone systems. BUT WE HAVE PROBLEMS!

I put out a memo to our Head Office regarding the shit show of a system we have:

1.) Our customers can't hear us at the other end, which makes it a little difficult to provide customer service.

2.) We can't use speed dial: when the installer came in they said the huge amount numbers we would have to press in order to use the speed dial were almost as many as you would need to actually dial the number.....go figure. Yes, that is what the guy told me!

3.) We get really weird acid trip noises on the phone, when we use the convenient 3 digit numbers to access our head office and other branches. It sounds like we are talking through a large internet tunnel. I could probably blog on the phone ..hey!

4.) The system puts voice mail messages..anywhere it wants to. It likes to play fair, and not hurt anyone's that's not such a bad thing.

5.) Call don't want to know. It's such a long process, it takes 15 minutes, and then you still aren't sure if it has connected to the phone you want it to go to.

With all my complaints etc. our head office suggested we make an Employee Telephone User Instruction Manual. They think we are stupid. Fuck. They bought the system, and now they have to work around its inadequacies.

So, when my boss went on a mini vacation this week, I make a instruction manual for him to send to head office indicating to them that the phone system was perfect, except we, the employees were dumb arses.



.. Dial 9 ...NOT 911 .. no,and no again my little dinkheads, we don't want to make the City mad at us with such frivolous misuse of their services. Get the fuck off the phone and go back to playing pocket pool, or whatever the hell else you do in the shop, after all this is not a toy.

.. Press Transfer/Conf and enter the extention number. Yup Dingbats, that's it, don't be asking what Conf. means, because you will never be using that feature, it only for da boss when he wants to talk to his wife and connect to his kids in a conference call, and sometimes "his boss". Perks ya know.

If your smart..I SAID IF!!..(sorry didn't mean to yell) you won't even try to do this, but if you do: I will try to put this in layman's terms: Press XferVM on the left hand side of your telephone, then enter the extension number of the individual you would like to reach. And, if that doesn't work, press 911, just kidding..don't do that again!!

When you see that little amber light flashing on your phone, when you have finally decided to come back from lunch (you know the right hand corner). I SAID "RIGHT".. Einstein. Okay..
Press the "message" button, wait for instructions from the generic host.."I SAID WAIT"..fortheloveofmike!! When you hear the dulcet tones of a computer generated voice...enter your 4 digit password and follow the instructions. I have to apologize for the system, because in all likelihood, you will never receive the message,even though you have made your best effort. I realize they give you 45 choices to chose from, and it's very hard to choose the right one. In all probability you will have chosen to press 12..fuck man..THAT was delete!

Alrighty now, I know you all have not been assigned passwords yet, but we have a generic one set up which is 1-2-3-4. We have tried to make this as easy as possible for you. Do not loose it, keep it in a safe place. (not on the back of your pack of smokes)..okay?


NOTE: This function in only available from one (1)fucking phone in the building. Either this was a cost cutting measure, or the dirty assed installer lied to me again. If the person's office door, who owns this particular phone is locked when he/she leaves, you will not be able to forward the phones overnight to the number of your choice. This again, is customer service at it's best.

However, if you find the key - to the door - that opens the office - of the person - who has the phone - that enables call forwarding - feel free to read on.

>Press the extension number..that says Joan on it...there yee go!! Don't forget there is a short waiting period for it to engage (if you don't wait long enough, all this will be in vain)

>Dial *72 (okay damit "press" *72). Got it!

Dial/press the number of the phone you are call forwarding the line to. Wait until you hear the phone ring. Hang up.

Again, press the extension number..that says Joan on it...dial/press ... #72 once more and enter the telephone number you are call fowarding. Please wait on the line until the procedure is will hear a short beep, if you are still awake.

One more time now, press the extension number..that says Joan on it..dial/press *72. and now you will be safely connected to the phone you have forwarded it to.

Now wasn't that easy?

If my boss in not in, I usually start the call forwarding process at 4:00 pm so I can get out at 4:30.

I called the company who installed the system yesterday, and once again today... two phones aren't even working anymore....what a pile of junk.

Tomorrow there will be asses to kick, no more Ms. nicey nice for me..I'm sending in the big guns.. Balonie.. she has more guts than I do.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

It takes a village to build an idiot

Or how does that phrase go?:) I have changed back to a blogger template, but I hope to get mine perfected in the weeks to come. That HTML guy is some tricky sumabitch, just when I think I got it nailed, he gives me a spanking. He hasn't seen the last of balonie.
Sooo...if you are remotely interested in Canadian politics...MY TEAM WON! Wasn't this a game? It surely was, and I win. I like to win. I have to admit I don't follow it too closely, but I did feel it was time for change, and I won't bore you with the details.
Because, this is the most boring and blah part of the winter, I haven't any energy or any stories to tell. There is a nothingness happening, it's like a Seinfeld sitcom without the humour.
So, I had to go to into my email and steal some lame jokes, I know, don't stone me!!

Nair Hair
My neighbor found out that her dog could hardly hear, so she took
it to the veterinarian. He found out that the problem was hair in
its ears so he cleaned both of its ears out and the dog could hear

The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring,
she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub
it in its ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover.

At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use
this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says, "Oh. Well, if you're using it on your legs,
don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must
know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for a week."
Gord's 80 year old auntie sent me that!!! HAAAA I like her.

I made the most and the bestest Mennonite Farmer Sausage Borcht yesterday. I didn't have any cabbage in the house so I substituted a can of mixed beans. It was sooo... good. Gord and I were watching the election results on TV and we tooted everytime the numbers came up for our candidate in our riding!! Toot-Toot! HA The race was so close we were still up at 11:00PM..and by the time we learned he had won the seat we were all tooted out, we had nothing left, and could not even squeeze a congratulatory toot! But after we went to bed I heard Gord give him one last hurrah!! The dog managed a few too, but she has silent ones, and they don't count...unless she does it under the covers...lord!!

That's all I's got...some politics, a joke, and some gefarting stuff.

Now I have gone and done it.

I took off my homemade piece of crap,and will play with it in another place until I get it right. No point in making you guys blind!!

Monday, January 23, 2006

If you going blind..tell me.

I'm really liking my blog, but it's only because I love the colours in it. It probably is not suitable for an easy read. I still can't figure out how to change the font colours in the whole blog to be the same. Last weeks blog are still in blue and I can't get them to change...and they are almost invisible with the new background...grrrr..

These are the colours I would like painted throughout my house, they are so warm and inviting. But, that is just me. Every lamp (and I have a lot of them) in my house has an amber bulb in it...that is how much I like that colour palette. The only room that has real white bulbs in them is in the kitchen (with a dimmer switch) and bathroom (with a dimmer switch). I hate bright lights..I hate them!! They make me nervous, and I can't concentrate. Plus I look better in the dark HA!!

I did my civic duty today and voted for the candidate of my choice. Before that I walked through the halls of the school I was voting in, and admired all the art work the students had on the looooong hallway. RESPECT...was the word of the week I guess. It was so funny what some of the kids had written about RESPECT. One kid wrote, respect your mom and dad if they aren't having fun?? huh...okay. Other wrote: Respect your trees because they will get older than you. Respect your teachers because they are smart. Respect your classmates even if they bug you. Respect means you have to like people who didn't like at first. Respect the police, even if your house in burning down.

I love reading all that stuff. I guess RESPECT week was last week as some of the staff was taking it down, along with all the Christmas stuff, which was beautiful. Also, it must have been watercolors week, some of those kid's are so talented!!

As I neared the end of the hallway, walking towards the voting booths...I was thinking about RESPECT, and you know, the teacher should have had the kids put up a BULLSHIT display near the back..because when I voted I realized I didn't have any RESPECT of any of the candidates. I crossed my fingers and voted for the least despicable. Amen.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

It's not a hobby anymore

It's been two days friends, and my eyes are bugging out of my head. My dog is in the corner twitching and giving me the "puppy dog eyes." BUT, with the help of some of my readers...I have created a scarey looking blog. Sometimes giving a dumbhead too much information, is not a good thing. I swear, I was like a junkie looking for his/her next fix. Yesterday a few light bulbs went on, and I started to get nuts, and I couldn't get enough information fast enough. I think I used up the internet. If you see a lot of "page cannot be displayed" messages coming up...yup, that's the ones I was on for two friggin days. I plumb wore them out. I'm expecting a cheque from Google, along with a thank you note for my free use of their services.

Of course, you don't think I will be keeping this beginners blog skin I made (hey I know the lingo)!, nopers...I have bigger fishes to fry now. Who knows how far I can go, with just enough knowledge to make a feeble attempt at one. I haven't felt so pumped since I found Computer Scrapbooking; but of course that only lasted for about a year or less...It's the attention span that gives me the grief... and of course the puppy dog eyes I get when I go on one of these mind benders.

I watched movies until 2:00AM this morning. I never watch movies, but I did. I ate a huge supper beforehand and proceeded to eat right through the 3 movies. Mind you some of them had already started and I had to catch up on what was going on. This morning I felt like puking when I got up. I lay there wondering...hmmmm we had lobster last night (saved from New Years Eve) because SOMEONE was too tired to make it. Anywho, I was thinking back to when Mary Lou said she got sick on Lobster, and I was sure I had undercooked the invertebrate. I lay there thinking about being sick, and the longer I thought about it sicker I felt. Finally I got up and looked on the kitchen counter, and found a wrapper from an Ice-cream bar, and empty coke can, a can of nuts which was now half empty, and a banana peel. Oh I remember!!! How stupid was that? It just makes me sick to think about it, normally I just eat supper have a glass of wine later and that's it...I had me a Pepto Abismal, and the ole gut settled down.

Tomorrow is voting day here in CanuckLand. I haven't answered my telephone for 3 days, I just have been letting the answering machine get it because THEY (the pollsters) are constantly trying to get me to answer stupid questions. I will vote, I always do. I love voting for one main reason. I get to go to Bonneycastle School where the voting is in our area. I always come in the back door, because then I can go through the long corridor leading to the polling station at the other end, and look at all the art work, and displays that the yougins have done, which are displayed on the walls. I can smell school. I can smell paper. I can smell bullies. I can smell teachers. I can smell chalk. I stand there and read every display the kid have made. So, you see it makes it easier to vote this way, because you are thinking of the next leaders of this country, and you make damn sure you vote for the party that will take them there. Mind you .... we have a lot of fucked up leaders...but you just vote the one who seems to be the least fucked up. It's a simple theory, coming from a simple voter. It all works out in the end. Unless you are voting for some radicals who every once awhile rear their ugly heads.. like the "Save the Old Hardrives Party" SOHP... yeah, yeah I know..but aren't you butting into the the GREEN Party' They comes and then they goes..don't let the door hit you in the ass on yer way out fellas.

Enough now, of my intellectual conversation. If I go on any further, I may just go back on the internet, and I don't think they want to see anymore of me!!

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Don't you just feel like having a nap

It looks so comfy in here, there is no need for me entertain are getting sleepy....shhhhh..I SAID YOU ARE GETTING SLEEPY..don't make me come there.

Lookie what I did

I wrecked my blog all by myself. I think it's a little hard to read, but I will play with it for awhile. I don't know how in the hell to change the colors of the borders and all the rest of the the blue stuff on the side blog etc.

I have been having a blast doing this, I wish I was smarter.

It's time for a drink...a big one!!

If I can't fix it it will have put in a picture where the the blue will show up...

Friday, January 20, 2006

Still testing the waters

Where do I start? The winter blues have set in. You could freeze the balls off a brass monkey here in the middle of Canada. I know, I didn't event that stupid phrase, but it's description fits my mood.

Did you know, that you can make musical instruments out of vegetables? I just saw this on TV, so it must be true! You bore a hole through the centre of a carrot, put some little holes on the side and you have got a vegetarians orange flute, that you can eat later. Now, that is recycling!! Just to know that no more carrots will be wasted in our landfill sites, makes me want to go snowboarding. Why do you ask? Because the only hill we have in our city is a old landfill site designated for winter activities. Now, it's an Olympic park, in our fair city. Why, oh, why, were we not chosen for the Winter Olympics? I will tells you why...

Skiing: Which, while being a very good workout is very trying to those poor souls who fly through the air with the greatest of ease in the snow, dodging old sofa's, refrigerators, and maybe even an ole Chevy Hatchback. They have to be on their game to miss all the obstacles, just as those in Lotus Land do, when they are dodging the pine trees. Ours are just a little more interesting, and if you hit an old Chevy Hatchback, you could sue Autopac. It's a win win situation.

It's kinda tough for the newbies, just starting out on their ski's. "Hey, lets go down the bunny hill Billy"....oop's, what was that...well, Billy it looks like someone didn't finish their Kraft Dinner! Just kick er off yer ski's and lets keep on goin.... Billy says, it looks like something else is coming up ahead.. "don't you be worried, swerve to the left's only old late! You gotta love our city officials for at least attempting to give us an illusion of a hill. The tobbogan slide is only for the suicidal. It is pure lump ice. Check you kidneys in at the door folks, or you will never see em again. You see remnants of people all the way down the hill. A hand here, part of a torso there, and a child's teddy bear missing it's's gruesome.

Next week our city will be celebrating the "Festival de Voyageur

This is were all the French citizens come together and eat pea soup and pemmican. As delicious as this sounds, I have not had the notion to try it. Every year they build beautiful ice sculptures, and every year the temperature turns from 40 below to 40 above on the week of the festival. I think God has it out for the French, oui?. This year to only add to their disappointment they have built a huge ice hotel, and a outside ice bar. I don't think I would want to pay 250.00 bucks a night to get dripped on, I can do that at home, in the shower. I saw the ice-bar they built in the paper today, it looks pretty cool, but I was feeling real sorry for the bartender, apparently he tried licking the bar instead of wiping it off. His epidermis of the tongue must be stripped clean.

They are a smart looking bunch, ya think?

I was just wondering, does everyone have a different tongue print? If so, why do we bother with fingerprinting, it would be so much easier to put some ink on your tongue, and imprint it on a piece of paper.....I will have to some research on that. I wish I would quit thinking of all these things, I make so much work for myself, I will never get caught up.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

A little BS

GOOD ON ME!!! I spent 2 hours at work today trying to figure out how I could change my blog background, and then by damn I figured out. My boss was away today, so I had sweet bugger all to do today. My friend Jaye had just changed her blog, and gave me some pointers, so I thought I would do some homework. I went into the internet and found a lot of free "skins" to put on your blog with code. I tested them on my blog, and it worked!! Now, I think I will be able to figure out on my own. Or..if it doesn't work out and I screw up my blog..see youse all on the other side!! bye bye...Testing will only start this weekend, and if I screw it up...I will have to push a Robertson screwdriver through my good eye. I'ts that serious.


All yee youngin's and layabouts..push away...I have an ole time story to tell


A little house with three bedrooms and one car on the street,
A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.

In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone, And no
need for recording things, someone was always home.

We only had a living room where we would congregate,
Unless it was at mealtime in the kitchen where we ate.

We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine,
When meeting as a family those two rooms would work
out fine.

We only had one TV set, and channels maybe two, But
always there was one of them with something worth
the view.

For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip,
And if you wanted flavor there was Lipton's onion dip.

Store-bought snacks were rare because my mother liked
to cook, And nothing can compare to snacks in Betty
Crocker's book.

Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play,
We all did things together -- even go to church to pray.

When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather,
No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.

Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own,
But we knew where the others were without our own
cell phone.

Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star,
And nothing can compare to watching movies in your car.

Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season,
Pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.

Get a baseball game together with all the friends you know,
Have real action playing ball -- and no game video.

Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,
And didn't need insurance or a lawyer to defend?

The way that he took care of you or what he had to do,
Because he took an oath and strived to do the best for

Remember going to the store and shopping casually, And
when you went to pay for it you used your own money?

Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,
Remember when the cashier person had to really count?

The milkman used to go from door to door, And it was just
a few cents more than going to the store.

There was a time when mailed letters came right to your
door, Without a lot of junk mail ads sent out by every

The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it
was sent; There were not loads of mail addressed to
"present occupant."

There was a time when just one glance was all that it
would take, And you would know the kind of car, the
model and the make.

They didn't look like turtles trying to squeeze out every
mile; They were streamlined, white walls, fins, and
really had some style.

One time the music that you played whenever you would
jive, Was from a vinyl, big-holed record called a forty-five.

The record player had a post to keep them all in line, And
then the records would drop down and play one at a time.

Oh sure, we had our problems then, just like we do today,
And always we were striving, trying for a better way.

Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun,
How can you explain a game, just kick the can and run?

And why would boys put baseball cards between bicycle
spokes, And for a nickel red machines had little bottled

This life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways,
I love the new technology but I sure miss those days.

So time moves on and so do we, and nothing stays the same,
But I sure love to reminisce and walk down memory lane.

I got this from my friend Janis, and there were pictures of all the events, but of course they didn't come up in blogger.

Sometimes when I think far away, erase my wrinkles...I'm still Gidget, looking for my Moondoggie. Yeah....that's it.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

January ain't for wimps

The January blahs are starting. The warm temp's have turned to icy blasts from the North and the West... so I don't have much to sing about today, no dragons to slay, (well I have one)..and he is walking around in his new shoes. I wish I could convey to you my you say it?...I want to bang my head against a fucking steel wall, brick wouldn't do!!

He, has been shoe shopping for two days! You see, he has very wide feet, and short,with a high arch, so he usually has to get shoes that cost $100.00 bucks or so. Yesterday he found a pair in WalMart for $40.00 that suited his impeccable taste. BUT, they also have to fit inside his little ole man toe rubbers. He wears them so when he comes into a customers home, he can just slip them off in a hurry, and not mess up their floor with dirty shoes.

He is now, walking around the house testing his shoes, he just came by my computer again, and is commenting on how much better they are than the ones he bought yesterday...(he took those back because they were a little big). Testing, testing and retesting. He is now putting his " toe rubbers" back later LOL...oh shit, not the rubbers I was expecting!! He is walking on these. Just as well. For a man who saves new shorts, pants, and socks, he just this close to making a decision on keeping these puppies!! ..and they are not even "HUSH" puppies.

Okay, he is walking again...the left shoe is a little tighter than the right shoe, but he has attributed that to the motorcycle accident he had 5 years ago when he broke all his toes on that foot. I don't know, if you break your toes, do they grow?

He's heading for the stairs now, just to see how bendy they are. Yes, they bend pretty good! The dog is enjoying her walk with him, up and down, up and down. "Whose your daddy" Penny?.. this is the only walk they ever went on!!

Okay, he is resting now, stairs are tiresome, and Penny is so tired she is taking a nap on his lap in front of the TV. AND now, he watching a show that is at a decibel level which makes a Rolling Stone's concert seem like a funeral.

Like I said, it's January, and sometime with being snowbound you get a little picky. Everyday seems to be challenge to get to work with icy roads, and stupid people, and the last thing you want when you get home is ...well you know... shoe stuff.

He just asked me the check our bank account online. I did. After we looked at the balance, he said "well, I guess my new shoes will get broken in pretty soon, with all the work I have to do it get all the bills paid".

I said ..very quietly in my head ...I'm sorry I made fun of you in my blog...and your shoes. I feel like a shit.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

It's been an interesting day

I have spent my day doing the ole wash,wine and walk routine. Do the laundry, make a new batch of wine and walk the dog. I call these Sundays WWW111. Cleaver, don't you think. It looks like a war zone around here too. Not only did I do that, I took my entire keyboard apart and washed the sticky wine bits out of it. A NOTE OF CAUTION TO NEW COMPUTER USERS: Please make sure your keyboard is totally dry before putting it back into use. Apparently, water and electricity do not mix. And I work for and Electrical Contractor no less. I guess I just wasn't paying attention. I don't think I fried anything, it just didn't work. So, I am using my old one now. Gord suggested I put it on a heat register to dry it out, I did that, now the word DELL on the keyboard, has melted in a acid trip looking logo. All I did was laugh out loud at some blog I was reading on Thursday, wine dribbled out of mouth and fell into the space bar thingie, and it has changed my whole life forever. I'm using my old HP keyboard. It's sort of like going back to Case tractor, when you have had a John Deere for 40 years. It clicks and clacks so loud it scare me dog! One thing I notice on it, is that the letter "I" is almost illegible on the board. What does that say about me? "I" must be a little full of myself methinks. I, I, I, me, me, me. After all the first thing they teach you in school, when you write a letter to someone is not to make it all about yourself. I still remember writing those pretend letters in about grade 4 or so.

Dear Jane,
How are you? I am fine.

Do you have a dog and did it die? I have one too, and it got very sick and died.

How do you like grade 4? I like it too, if you do.

How are your mom and dad and your brother who looks like a monkey? I liked your brother too, if you do. Wasn't it neat last summer when he fell out of that tree!!

Thank you for reading my letter. Please write back to me.



Damn it's hard not to make it all about yourself!! Hence my invisible "I"

We had our weekly Attitude Adjustment hour last night, and my hippy dippy girl friend went missing. She and a friend (apparently I am not her only one) were taking in a movie last night. When she called me and told me she wouldn't be coming over, I asked what movie she was going to be seeing. She said she didn't know the name of it, but it was about two gay cowboys! So, I says to her...will there be any lasso'ing happening then, she says, quick as lightning..."not unless something comes up". Hardee HARRR.. Oh my!! No wonder we like each other so very much.

Last night was special for another reason, WE HAVE A DVD PLAYER! My BIL gave it to Gord for Christmas, and they hooked the little devil up. Great now, I have one more light flashing on top of the TV. It was actually a no brainer. Much easier than the world's most complicated VCR we had. But, again, now we have 45 remote controls to loose. I watched a movie last night that came with the DVD player, and it was pretty good. I managed to switch it off and everything without phoning tech support.


Okay, This might start to get boring, but that has never stopped me before. On Saturday, I had to start training Ben and Ginger. Things were getting out of hand and they needed to know how to live in our house without us having to babysit the little suckers. I started on an intensive training course Saturday morning. I was up at 11:00 o'clock sharp. I lined them up and said "yee with the straw in yer bellies", need to grow up and start to get a little more independent. No more "I'm sorry I pissed on the floor, and no more, "I'm hungry shit." I drew up a plan, talked with a stern voice, and marched them out into the WORLD.

Breakfast, the most important meal to start your day!! They did very well, Ben was somewhat hesitant, but Ginger dug right in... That's my girl!

See, how Ben let's you know when he has to go pee!! He is the moose of my dreams.

And look at this, I taught him how to drive! Ginger never leaves his side, she is so proud of him and gives him direction as a good mate should do. No more looking for designated drivers for me, when I have a snout full, Ben will me my man or me moose as ever the case may be!!

Yet, another breakthrough...Ben learned to manage the multitude of stairs in our home. His ungainly legs being a big problem, almost had me sending him to "leg school", but after some motivation by Penny, he managed his way up the stairs.

So, life is pretty idyllic here in my winterpeg. However, an incident may have taken place this afternoon, when Gord decided our Christmas tree should be taken from the doorstep to a place where they shred them up. As usual, we have 2 minute conversations, when he goes out to his truck, and comes back in with a bad idea. He said I'm taking the tree to the "place", I can't remember the name of it, and will dump if off there. I said "tie a bungie cord around it so it won't fall off the roof." He says, "well, how can it fall off the roof"?, hmmmm maybe if you drive more than 5 miles an hour? dumbass... The last I seen of him today was with the Christmas tree perched precariously on top of the Bronco...waving back and forth. I watched him go down the street, I didn't want to see what happened when he turned the corner. I am positive if must of fell off at some point. So, with his advise today, I have melted my keyboard, and I am positive that tree fell off the top of his truck somewhere between here and the shredder place. But, this is just another day of my boring life...........

Nevermind...he just came home and is chipping ice off our steps...someone is going to get hurt. I guarantee it.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Apparently this is delurking week

I stole this from Ada...thank you for not reporting me to the blogging authorities.

My Geiger counter reports 8875 people have darkened my doorstep. AND if I count my comments (which I haven't) but a guesstimate would be 41, there seems to be a discrepancy here. Someone is reading and not writing, and I know just who the hell it is too. That G.D. Balonie!!! She's in here all day trying to get the numbers up. First she spills wine in my keyboard and then she's f*king with my numbers..but I have a plan..he he.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Everyone has met one of these guys

Smooth talker he be. I'm betting his name is Lyle the Lounge Lizard. I've met a few of him in my day in polyester suits, but I never fell for the "wanna pull off my tail and watch it grow back..ewww story, I mostly liked my lizards because of this article I read on the net:

All male lizards have a skin flap at the base of their tail, covering what is called the cloaca. The sexual organs are concealed within the cloaca. They have paired organs, called hemipenes. They are within the ventral portion of the tail, covered in sheathes. A vans deferens connects each testicle to one of the hemipenes. The lizard’s testicles are located inside the body.

Sooo, as I interpret this, you can never tell a lizard.. "hey man you don't got any balls," because you can't really see them... very cleaver. yes.

The vast majority of mammals mount their mate from behind, which is not true of lizards. It is actually impossible for a lizard to mount their partner in this fashion. Male lizards will approach the female from the side, with many biting the neck of the female, and try to get their cloaca in a position as close as possible to the female. At this point, the closest hemipenes is erected. The hemipenes of many species of lizard is adorned with thorns or ‘hooks’ of some kind, securing a hold during mating.

Ouchies...all this pain for a one night stand. Dem hemipenes are some heavy duty shit especially if they see you nekid..and put the hooks inta you and drag you away to Cleveland to have sex. I'm seeing a little S&M happening here.

At this point, the sperm will travel through the penis, along the hemipenes’ channel, to the females cloaca. Fertilization occurs when the sperm enters the oviducts of the female. Some species of lizards, as with Veiled Chameleons, can store the sperm for later fertilization without the need of a male.

Now, that is freedom of choice!! I will have your children when I'm damn good and ready Lyle with an E!

Isn't that amazing, and a little pornographic ta boot? Actually I thought it was a little edumacational and that is what I was going to bring to my blog this year, a little substance. Something for all of ya to chew on a bit. Cause there is more to me than just a laugh or two, I is a deep thinker. Here lizzard lizzard!!...someone stop me!!

Ben and Ginger have been trying to get it on lately, I haven't had time to take them to the pretend vet yet. I don't know how a moose and a gingerbreadgirl would procreate, but if I don't do anything soon, somebody will loose an eye!

I just spilled some wine in my keyboard, not too much, but enough to make the keys hardpressed. Actually, I think it dribbled off my chin when Penny jumped up and tried to get in my lap. She doesn't like Ben and Ginger sitting on my computer table, and she is very eager to take a round outta them.

So, this is chapter 1 - of my new and improved blog in which I will always report to you substance related stuff and crapola you will never see on CNN or Disney..never. Afterall I have no shame, and you know my name.

Hey hi all! oh no......... well lordluvalizard, that fucking balonies been in here again. Gotta take me med's.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Playing..I Spy

I was witness to a very unsettling scene in Super Store on Saturday. I was browsing in the linen section, touching stuff and sometimes smelling it.

Actually I wasn't really browsing, I was looking for a bargain, after all it was a week after Christmas and everything was 50-75% off. What a better time to buy something you don't need. I encountered two men about ...maybe 30 years old, discussing their children. I HEARD .. Man #1 tell Man #2 that, he and his wife had just spent Christmas in England and Poland (not your normal Christmas destination I thought) anywho, Man #1 said, he was fed up and disappointed with the trip. Apparently, his son's potty training went south during the trip. Tell me this isn't so!! My ears perked up, as this was good blog fodder.

I sidled up to the two young men, and became extremely interested in a rack of cookie cutters they were brushing up against. As I was reaching for the very last one in the rack, making my time there seem reasonable, Man #2 said, Oh my god, I totally know what it's like, my son had the SAME problem when we went on vacation when he was two. Man #1 said, the hotel they were staying in in England was not in close proximity of his editor, and had to spend 2 hours a days commuting from one location to the next, and as he was doing this his wife was feeding the kid chocolates in their room. (or did he say my wife locked him up in the room) was loud in the store, sometime I don't hear so good. He continued on, telling #2 that the child who would not go potty, now would not go to sleep, and he was up every hour on the hour!!....BLAME IT ON ENGLAND ARSEHOLE..AND the 9000 hour plane ride home had been a nightmare. Man #2 was quick to give advise, telling him that his first child was just like that, but their second child was a saint, and soon would be the pope. He encouraged his poor man to have another child so he and his sleep deprived wife could have a second child who would certainly be a nun.

By this time, I had pretty well seen all the cookie cutters they had in stock, so I moved on to placemats, just to the left of them. First I had to take a round out of a Chinese lady who would not let go of the one I wanted. God, these people!! Finally I let her have it when I realized they didn't have the whole set. She was so happy she high 5'd me, but I missed her hand, because she was so short! Damn near slapped one of those yuppies in the face!

So, I was still in ear shot of these two loosers, when Man #1 said to Man #2, ... at this rate my wife and I will never finish our thesis, AND she just came back from Thailand a week before we left for England finishing up her reseach work. It is so stressful. Well for the loveofagoat, no wonder your kid shits his pants and can't sleep, the little bugger is HOME ALONE! Man #2 says yes, it's hard juggling school, children and still trying to keep up with our pilates workouts. HA..I made the pilates part up. Birkenstock Bastards!! How do people like this even get married..did they have a "play-date" and then tied the knot? I'd love to see their student loans...I don't know, pretentious stupid people just make me wanna hurl.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

My brain broke

I have the most difficult time with the name ..let's be careful here.. BRIAN and the word BRAIN. You see they have nothing to do with each other..well unless your name is ..careful here..BRIAN. I have to type it very carefully, and take my fingers off the home keys. What did my parents feed me as a child? I know..I before E except after C.. but there isn't any rules for this shit. I had a total brian fart LOL... I emailed my cousin yesterday and asked after my cousin BRIAN who had recently had a heart attack. Apparently, I asked how Brain was doing. His brain is fine, it's his heart that's giving him grief...well there you go!! Have a laugh on me then. It will probably make him feel better.

I have a valid question, if you fart in front of your Carbon Monoxide Sensor, will it set it off? Today Gord was putting in a new thermostat on our..humm .. Thermostat wall, and below it I have a plug in Carbon Monoxide detector. And something set off the sensor!! Now our dilemma is..did he fart? ... and that set it off.. of did he kick it whilst swearing and lot and taking the Lords name in vain when he was putting in the new one. I was a bit perplexed, not knowing if we would suddenly fall asleep in our Cheerio's, or was it a glitch? My theory was, a Carbon Monoxide sensor does not pick up methane, which a fart is generally made up of, so why would it sound the alarm? He admitted to letting one go, but apparently it had no smell, and dismissed the notion. After some discussion, we realized he had hit the reset button with his BIG knees while jumping about, swearing at my pretty new thermostat! She's a beaut. If there were anymore gadgets on that thing I could tell you the temperature in New Zealand.

My SIL and Bro gave me the most wonderful body spray for Christmas, I have been spraying my entire body with it for several days. It's a big bottle! .. and I even have some left. This morning Gord said, something sure smells good in here, and my eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, and then he said "are we having hot dogs for lunch?"

Ben, my now potty trained to go outdoors when the urge arises. He's getting pretty comfy in his new digs. I taught him how to "roll over" today. But, as you know how it goes with mooses, getting back up is the hardest part. He is still laying out in the backyard giving me moose calls. I'm doin the Tough Love thing..."You will get up when you want to get up''s all in your antlers my friend...OR YOUR BRIAN.

Remember the ultimate toaster I got for Christmas? Well, today I lost my remote control for the TV that sits on my kitchen countertop right beside the toaster. I looked high and low, I could not find it. I looked in the garbage, I looked in my cupboard drawers, I looked fucking everywhere. Nadda. I thought to myself, well yesterday was Attitude Adjustment Hour maybe...jest maybe...I had a little a "nip" too many and played a trick on myself and hid it in the toilet tank of something. Sounds impossible I know, but where the hell is my remote control? I finally gave up after searching everywhere I could think of. Around 4:00PM I got a little hungry and thought I would make me a piece of toast with fake cheez whiz, for a small yet tasty pick me up. I put the bread in the toaster, and it wouldn't go all the way in. After some inspection, I saw that my remote control had fallen into the large openings of my new toaster! I shit you not. I remember putting the remote on the toaster earlier on in the day, because I had the fluorescent undercounter light on, and the chrome on the top of the toaster was glaring in my eyes, so I put the handiest thing I had which was the remote, and it deflected the light. I never thought it was small enough to fall in. Yes folks, that is how accidents happen in the home. It's a damn good thing I didn't put the toaster on before I put my bread in....or I would have been toast!!!

Getting old is not for sissies yaknow...just today I was using a empty wine glass as a microphone, and singing an old fav of mine "Stuball was a racehorse"...and of course I scared the dog, and I poked myself in the eye.

Pot roast is a cooking, it's Sunday after all.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Pot Head is pissed

I don't know what the problem is...or I guess there are NO problems out there, because I just got a call from Pot-Head and she said no one is emailing the Pot-Head help centre. She indicated that perhaps her advise was too brutal, and did not have enough empathy for the those in need of help. Well, she has notified me she will try to be a kinder and gentler Pot-Head in 2006. She can be a little stern. I'll keep her on my sidebar for a week or so, and if she doesn't generate any help calls, I'll blow her off!! Even tho she is my best friend. If she's not smart enough to deal with my little blog world, she is HISTORY. I have contacted Dr. Lauralee, we are presently talking. She is a pretty tough cookie, so I don't know if she will come aboard. It's all a crap shoot in the big world of giving bad advise.

I was reminded today about a story about peas, which I wrote about the other day. When I was young we had a huge garden in our back yard in the country. Our cousins used to come out from the big city to visit. My youngest cousin Chris came out one weekend to hang with me (she was the youngest and only about 5). She and I sat in the garden eating peas right off the vine..for hours. We loved peas. I think we were two peas in a pod HA!! Anyway, two weeks later my mom got a call from my auntie that Chris had an ear infection, and she had put a pea in her ear, and it had sprouted and started to grow...LOL...I shit you not. They got it out with a sharp tool. Okay, that my last pea story.

This also reminds me of how all my cousins who lived in the city differed from us country folk. My cousins used to LOVE coming to the country to visit. There was so much freedom, no traffic, minimal supervision and the smell of fresh air. BUT, they did not have an immune system!! None. Everytime one of my cousins came over for summer holidays, they would go home with an infection. It never failed. You see, we ran around barefoot most of the time, and if we cut our foot in a ditch of dirty water, it was pretty well ignored unless blood was spurting out, and even then Mom would look at it and put on some iodine, and we would be back out there. My cousins could be in the same ditch and cut their feet, and an infection overtook them in a week, along with the plague. When we would get beaned on the head with a baseball we would just get back up, but they would turn black and blue and require a doctor. Yellow bellied city slickers they were. We ate dirt, they ate cornflakes, and looked what happened. Even today, they all look a little pale, like they need some oxygen or something.

I remember my cousin Linda and I making a raft after one of the ditches in town overflowed after a rain storm. We found few boards from my dad's board stash in the back yard. Unfortunately, Dad had not removed all the "rusty nails" from them, and guess who stepped on one of them...yes! Ms. el city slickerooo. By this time my mom was wise to the fact she would certainly get an infection, and put iodine on it, and wrapped it up in scraps of an old white sheet. Bandaids were for the rich. My bro and I rarely even got the old white sheet treatment, but because she was special and it was applied. Two days later...wouldn't you know it..she had an infection. Home she went. Later on, when Auntie Betty sent the kids for vacation in Altona, she send a note along, "please keep their shoes on." Wusses!!

When I went to Winnipeg for my summer vacation with them, I never caught anything...except shit...LOL.. I was a country girl in the city, and they had to watch me all the time because I had no fear, and didn't know a lot about obeying traffic lights etc. My cousins did a pretty good job of teaching me the rules and reg's and always showed me a pretty good time. The big city theaters, eating at Kresges downtown, shopping in Eatons, the hugest store I had ever seen. Back home we only ordered our stuff from the Eaton's catalogue, but here you could actually go into the store and buy it in was a miracle. I remember my mom taking me to a shoe store downtown to get new shoes, and they wanted to xray my feet. Yes, they used to do that in the late 40's and 50's. They would xray your feet to see what your shoe size was. I screamed bloody murder (and I still remember this) I was so scared of the man who was doing it, I ran off in the store and mom had to find me. Once she got me back, she tried a few times to let him do it, but I didn't give in, so she bought me a pair of shoes the old fashioned trying them on!! I guess that was high tech for dem days... I wonder how many peoples feet my age are glowing about now??

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Peas are my enemy

Take note: Do not pull out a bag of frozen peas from your refrigerator without checking to see if you sealed the bag the last time you used it. Just don't. BECAUSE if you do, and the bag isn't sealed, you have 987,345,879 trillion baby peas all over your kitchen floor.

It's very uninspiring. I was skating on them in my slippers (shut-up, I'm old I wear slippers) I was just aslipslidingaway on these little green suckers!! G.Damit. All I could think of was how do I pick up a whole bag of "small sweet Green Giant peas", which have spewed on every corner of my kitchen. I was making left over turkey stew, and all I needed was ..oh .. maybe half a cup of small sweet green giant peas to complete my meal. Fuck.

Guess who's nose gets in there first. Penny. While I am trying to balance myself and trying to get to the broom closet to get the damn broom, she had to start eating frozen peas! Suddenly she turned into a vegetarian..who knew? She would not quit, I darn near had to smack her head! The peas rolled under the fridge, under the stove, under the table...rolling and rolling and rolling...gawd they never stopped. It was madness. I got to the broom closet, got out my trusty broom (which only has about two bristles left) and swept up what I could whilst trying to kick the dog out of the kitchen. There are a LOT of peas under the fridge and the stove,and the dishwasher but I don't care, I will deal with that when we move in about 15 years! Penny is still in the kitchen looking under all the appliances. I should do that more often, then she wouldn't be so bored all the time. That takes care of tomorrows walk I guess..exercise is exercise.

So, I guess you are wondering if I took some of those peas off the floor and put em in my was close, but I found a package of mixed veggies in the freezer with some peas in them and used them instead. If it would justa been me, I might of just picked them up and dusted them off a bit, but sure as shooting Gord would have found some dogs hairs or a old piece of kitchen floor crud in the stew.

I am very happy to see the last of that turkey, I made a small one for just the two of us on Christmas day, and of course a turkey is never small.

I'm very tired, all the hoopla is catching up on me, and I have so many projects going on at work. Bossman is doing another convention thing, so I have to get all the graphics done for our booth.

My heart goes out to all the people who lost their loved ones in the coal mine accident in the US...what a disaster two fold. ahhhhh

Monday, January 02, 2006

Tomorrow its back to the old grind

But last night was so much fun!!!

Finally my family got together for our Christmas celebration!!! We laughed, we ate, we drank and we laughed some more. I love them. It's always nice be around people that "get you", no pretenses here! And it was so nice to see my baby bro again. He is coming along, he still has some problems unrelated to his heart attack that involve some nerve damage in his right arm. Hopefully an operation in a month or so will take care of that. Pictures below if you don't want to read all da crapola.

I made a humungeous dish of Lasagna, seizure salad, and three cheese garlic bread. It turned out very well, if I do say so myself.

My niece Lisa bought me a your hearts out....this is a moose to die for!! He stands about two feet tall, and has spindly legs you can adjust to any position. I named him Ben, because he is bendy. He looks very smart with his plaid scarf and his litte snowboots. Bro and SIL gave me a fine gift pack of the most subtle wonderful smelling perfume and body spray. I smell so purdy. My other niece Cheri bought me my fav wine, god bless her little heart!!

The best part of the evening was when I was searching for a record my brother and I made sometime in the early 70's. I wasn't certain I could play it, because is was in "78" speed format ...for you younger folk that is a record speed...look it up in google forheavensake.. My old turntable only had 33 speed. While I was scrambling around to find it, I found a tape he sent me about 25 years ago or more. You see, he always wanted to be a dee-jay, and he was very good on the microphone, and made the best funny. This particular one was one he sent me in rebuttal to one I had sent him. I assume I ripped his ass in the one I sent him and boy did he get me good on this tape. The funniest part was when I started playing it, there was a little girl singing the sweestest little song. We all looked at each other, then remembered it was Cheri, when she was only about 5 years old. Here she was sitting beside me as I was trying to make this old technology work. We had such a wonderful time listening to that tape!!

My brother put a commercial he had made up on the tape. "El Monte Slim" is what we always used to call it. I don't know if he did this himself or picked it up from a commercial at that time, or a comedy record. But El Monte Slim, is a shady used car salesman in the deep south, and he is trying to flog his junk to the public. It was just hilarious to hear it again. And his accent was perfect. The best part was the truck he was trying to sell, was a ole half ton with an "easy rider rifle rack." HAAAA!!..shit, you had be here to appreciate it!!

Anyway, I am going on too long here, but I woke up this morning laughing...and it's been a long time since I have done that. Even after everyone left last night I replayed the tape twice...and just pissed my pants. He had a lot of other material in there that I haven't heard for so long. Good times!!

Here is my family....I love them lots.

My hippy girlfriend gave a prezzie I have to share as well, it's a deranged gingerbread man, and when you press his little deranged hand, he spouts off weird little songs... in a Arnold Schwartzenger kinda's a little disconcerting, but very funny. She knows my dark sense of humour!!

So, this afternoon I introduced Ginger to Ben. They got on quite well. Until, Penny came on the scene and got a little jealous.

Meet Ben

Here is Ben, taking a leak. It was a big one. I forgot to let him out after I unwrapped him. Someone spank me!!

oops, he hadda go some more, and left a little present, right in front of Ginger.

apparently, Penny found this poo attactive and found her way to his private parts.

Ginger wanted in on some of the Ben gave her a hug, or it could have been a hump, I'm not sure. I broke it up.

I put Ginger in a tree, because Ben was getting a little Moosey. Ginger felt better after that.

That horny ole Ben climbed the tree!! I'm thinking I'll have to get ole Ben fixed!! Sokay, I have scissors!!

I finally got serious, and asked them all the sit nice for their Christmas pic.

Last but not least to my fav nieces Cheri and Lisa..I love you...I'm sorry your dad and I were such a bad influence on you... or not!!