Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Everyone has met one of these guys

Smooth talker he be. I'm betting his name is Lyle the Lounge Lizard. I've met a few of him in my day in polyester suits, but I never fell for the "wanna pull off my tail and watch it grow back..ewww story, I mostly liked my lizards because of this article I read on the net:

All male lizards have a skin flap at the base of their tail, covering what is called the cloaca. The sexual organs are concealed within the cloaca. They have paired organs, called hemipenes. They are within the ventral portion of the tail, covered in sheathes. A vans deferens connects each testicle to one of the hemipenes. The lizard’s testicles are located inside the body.

Sooo, as I interpret this, you can never tell a lizard.. "hey man you don't got any balls," because you can't really see them... very cleaver. yes.

The vast majority of mammals mount their mate from behind, which is not true of lizards. It is actually impossible for a lizard to mount their partner in this fashion. Male lizards will approach the female from the side, with many biting the neck of the female, and try to get their cloaca in a position as close as possible to the female. At this point, the closest hemipenes is erected. The hemipenes of many species of lizard is adorned with thorns or ‘hooks’ of some kind, securing a hold during mating.

Ouchies...all this pain for a one night stand. Dem hemipenes are some heavy duty shit especially if they see you nekid..and put the hooks inta you and drag you away to Cleveland to have sex. I'm seeing a little S&M happening here.

At this point, the sperm will travel through the penis, along the hemipenes’ channel, to the females cloaca. Fertilization occurs when the sperm enters the oviducts of the female. Some species of lizards, as with Veiled Chameleons, can store the sperm for later fertilization without the need of a male.

Now, that is freedom of choice!! I will have your children when I'm damn good and ready Lyle with an E!

Isn't that amazing, and a little pornographic ta boot? Actually I thought it was a little edumacational and that is what I was going to bring to my blog this year, a little substance. Something for all of ya to chew on a bit. Cause there is more to me than just a laugh or two, I is a deep thinker. Here lizzard lizzard!!...someone stop me!!

Ben and Ginger have been trying to get it on lately, I haven't had time to take them to the pretend vet yet. I don't know how a moose and a gingerbreadgirl would procreate, but if I don't do anything soon, somebody will loose an eye!

I just spilled some wine in my keyboard, not too much, but enough to make the keys hardpressed. Actually, I think it dribbled off my chin when Penny jumped up and tried to get in my lap. She doesn't like Ben and Ginger sitting on my computer table, and she is very eager to take a round outta them.

So, this is chapter 1 - of my new and improved blog in which I will always report to you substance related stuff and crapola you will never see on CNN or Disney..never. Afterall I have no shame, and you know my name.

Hey hi all! oh no......... well lordluvalizard, that fucking balonies been in here again. Gotta take me med's.

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