Sunday, January 08, 2006

My brain broke

I have the most difficult time with the name ..let's be careful here.. BRIAN and the word BRAIN. You see they have nothing to do with each other..well unless your name is ..careful here..BRIAN. I have to type it very carefully, and take my fingers off the home keys. What did my parents feed me as a child? I know..I before E except after C.. but there isn't any rules for this shit. I had a total brian fart LOL... I emailed my cousin yesterday and asked after my cousin BRIAN who had recently had a heart attack. Apparently, I asked how Brain was doing. His brain is fine, it's his heart that's giving him grief...well there you go!! Have a laugh on me then. It will probably make him feel better.

I have a valid question, if you fart in front of your Carbon Monoxide Sensor, will it set it off? Today Gord was putting in a new thermostat on our..humm .. Thermostat wall, and below it I have a plug in Carbon Monoxide detector. And something set off the sensor!! Now our dilemma is..did he fart? ... and that set it off.. of did he kick it whilst swearing and lot and taking the Lords name in vain when he was putting in the new one. I was a bit perplexed, not knowing if we would suddenly fall asleep in our Cheerio's, or was it a glitch? My theory was, a Carbon Monoxide sensor does not pick up methane, which a fart is generally made up of, so why would it sound the alarm? He admitted to letting one go, but apparently it had no smell, and dismissed the notion. After some discussion, we realized he had hit the reset button with his BIG knees while jumping about, swearing at my pretty new thermostat! She's a beaut. If there were anymore gadgets on that thing I could tell you the temperature in New Zealand.

My SIL and Bro gave me the most wonderful body spray for Christmas, I have been spraying my entire body with it for several days. It's a big bottle! .. and I even have some left. This morning Gord said, something sure smells good in here, and my eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, and then he said "are we having hot dogs for lunch?"

Ben, my now potty trained to go outdoors when the urge arises. He's getting pretty comfy in his new digs. I taught him how to "roll over" today. But, as you know how it goes with mooses, getting back up is the hardest part. He is still laying out in the backyard giving me moose calls. I'm doin the Tough Love thing..."You will get up when you want to get up''s all in your antlers my friend...OR YOUR BRIAN.

Remember the ultimate toaster I got for Christmas? Well, today I lost my remote control for the TV that sits on my kitchen countertop right beside the toaster. I looked high and low, I could not find it. I looked in the garbage, I looked in my cupboard drawers, I looked fucking everywhere. Nadda. I thought to myself, well yesterday was Attitude Adjustment Hour maybe...jest maybe...I had a little a "nip" too many and played a trick on myself and hid it in the toilet tank of something. Sounds impossible I know, but where the hell is my remote control? I finally gave up after searching everywhere I could think of. Around 4:00PM I got a little hungry and thought I would make me a piece of toast with fake cheez whiz, for a small yet tasty pick me up. I put the bread in the toaster, and it wouldn't go all the way in. After some inspection, I saw that my remote control had fallen into the large openings of my new toaster! I shit you not. I remember putting the remote on the toaster earlier on in the day, because I had the fluorescent undercounter light on, and the chrome on the top of the toaster was glaring in my eyes, so I put the handiest thing I had which was the remote, and it deflected the light. I never thought it was small enough to fall in. Yes folks, that is how accidents happen in the home. It's a damn good thing I didn't put the toaster on before I put my bread in....or I would have been toast!!!

Getting old is not for sissies yaknow...just today I was using a empty wine glass as a microphone, and singing an old fav of mine "Stuball was a racehorse"...and of course I scared the dog, and I poked myself in the eye.

Pot roast is a cooking, it's Sunday after all.

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