Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I laughed my pants off yesterday

I had to go to the Insurance Agency down the street to renew my driver's licence yesterday after work. I pulled into the strip mall, which is fairly large and has a lot of stores in it. As I was pulling into a parking space beside the Insurance office, a lady was coming out of Staples with a big bag. I guess I should tell the back story, the wind was about 1456 miles an hour that day. And it was colder than a whore's heart. The wind could have froze the balls off a brass monkey. Now I hope I have offended everyone on the planet. Anyhopple...

Just as I had parked my truck, I noticed the wind had taken a ladys receipt out her hand and started to blow it around the parking lot. She went running after it. The wind was not her friend. The wind swept the receipt to the right, then to the left, then to the left again, and then to the right, as she was scrambling after it. It was funny as hell. She could not catch that receipt. Everytime she almost had it in her hand, it would go the other way. I got out of my truck and thought maybe I should help her. By this time she was way down the parking lot, and another lady who had just come out of another store saw her dilemma and started chasing the receipt with her. They could not corner it. Every time they got close to it, it would go the other way. to see these ladies trying to corner a receipt. The receipt wasn't flat. It was one of those receipts that are all curled up, therefore making the wind playful. "Wind" had such a blast with these two...he played with them for about 5 minutes..I swear! And took them through his hoops.

Then finally I saw the one lady stomp her foot on it, and when she bent down to get it..."Wind" played another trick on them and it took off. And it went under a parked car. heh. I couldn't hear them anymore because they were way down the parking lot, but I could see the body language, the receipt lady was telling the helpful lady that she could go home, she would get the receipt herself, and there was a few thankful gestures. I waited....I wanted to know how she was going to the receipt from under the car. She didn't have to...wind did it for her, and it got her scurring in a new direction. Now "Wind" thought it would be playfull if he put it under every car in the parking lot. The lady was on her hands and knees under the bumpers of the cars trying to scoot the receipt in her direction. "Wind" on the other hand had a better idea. Let's toss this son of bitch in the air. She almost had was so close..but it kept on flying up high in the air and then it fell back on the pavement. This poor woman must have really wanted that receipt. She obviously had just bought something she might have to return.

Finally it landed between two cars and "Wind" couldn't get at it anymore and the lady stomped on it again...and "bingo" the marathon was over. She got her receipt. And now she can take back that shit her husband told her not to buy. I'm thinking that why she ran her ass off.

It was way to funny. It took the edge of our -30 degree weather. Man she must have froze her ass off running after it.

I still have a grin on my face thinking about it.

I got few new recipes up at cooking with balonie if you are so inclined.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Now that I got a lot of pic's scanned

And some of my family don't seem to care, I might just weed out a few of them for your viewing enjoyment, or not. I will just pick a few at random. Most of them are really old.

If you see my pic on the sidebar, you will see that I have not changed a bit.

Sit back, get out some popcorn and go back to the olden days when polyester ruled.

I'm the one on the left.

This was probably 1959, I remember getting the "sweater set" for Christmas, plus the lovely necklace. I was wearing my "bobby socks" .. and my "White Bucks"...for those who are uneducated in oldenest...Pat Boone made these shoes popular. They are just barely showing. They felt like suede, but I don't think they were. I loved them more than anyone in this generation could love Reebok's. I had to polish them up all the time with white shoe polish. I think we all had the same shoes on, but mine were always dirty, because I came from the country and my cousins were city folk. We didn't have sidewalks. We were the country folks of the bunch.

My cousins Frances and Linda are on my right, and cousin Chris is below with her new Christmas doll. She had a patch on her eye at the time, because she had a "lazy" eye. At least that was the talk at that time...I don't really remember.

The bro and me, in front of our house in Altona. I had just finally started to like him after he was born. I had no use for that little begger for his first few years. But he grew on me like a fungus.

This time I am on the right with my cousins..being too sexy for my shorts. I don't know where those hats came from.

The bro and I again... I knocked out his missing tooth, the tooth fairy had nothing to do with it. But, it was an accident. We were fun fighting in mom and dad's bed in the background and I clipped him with my knee on a tooth that was already loose. The story went on forever, Joan bust Garry in the mouth and knocked out his tooth. Lies!! ... or maybe not. heh. Can you imagine that all of us slept in one room...this room... a very little room. Mom and Dad in the big bed, Garry in a converted crib on side of the room and me in a cot on the other side. In later years they took the cot out because it was too crowded and I slept on the pull out sofa in the living room. I slept in their bed until they went to bed and they carried me to the sofa. When I was eleven we moved to a new house and I had my own room.

This is a picture of my bedroom, but not a good one, in the new house, because my pesky brother is in it...bastard.. and he tipped over my fav plush animal on my bed. bastard again. I think those were my fav pyjamas beside "Fi Fi" who was tippled over.. the polka dot PJ was the top (that is shown) and the bottoms were black with feet in know what I mean. They almost looked like tights, just a little roomier. I remember I wore them out until there were holes in the feets part.

My bed was still mom and dad's old one from the little house. But I loved it. I had it all to myself.

Notice the picture of Ricky Nelson above my bed. I loved Ricky. Garry was probably in my room looking for my diary...lord he was a bad ass, I could never keep it hidden. I'm surprised I didn't knock some more teeth out his face.

That's enough for tonight...because most of other pics were of extended family and I am sure that would not be of interest to anyone. I have tons a pic's of my family and me which should be scanned one day. I will get to it. I loved going back in time this weekend. I just remembered I have some pictures when I was a cheerleader, ...gotta find them. You will laugh.

But if you want to see lots of pic's of immigrants..Italians, Germans and Mennonites who met and married and formed our family in Winnipeg... in the early 1950's I can do that.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Five things about me...

Donna asked me do a meme about 5 things about me.

Well, I pondered it for awhile, then decided there was nothing anyone here doesn't already know about me. I have been very selective in what I share. So, what is to tell?

I pondered and yawndered. Got a glass of wine, to see if I could loosen up and tell stories from yonder years that would "shake your soul." But there was way more than five of them, and I couldn't choose which one because they all involved drugs, sex and rock and roll, and I wanted everyone to think so much better of me. Did I ever tell you I tried to hit on Joe Cocker when he was leaving the stadium at a concert. It's okay, nothing happened, he waved at me. (after security saw me) only because I was nakid...jest kiddin... I was wearing my Ankh necklace, and reeked of Patchouli. Yeah, weren't those the days my friends. I still want Joe to sing to me.

Okay, seriously here are 5 things. Don't fall asleep.

1.) I hate clutter, it makes me mutter and sputter. When I find to much stuff around me it makes me crazy. There is nothing in my house that isn't functional and can't be used on a day to day basis. If there is, I start to twitch, and then I get the throw it away, or give it away. I need my space. Stuff that is not used on a daily basis has a room, I call it..the room for stuff we don't use on a daily basis. I'm sensible like that. Out of sight .. out of mind I say. Just like the furniture, not too much in one room or my right eye starts to droop. I know!!! It's stupid. And it makes the photo's I sent to "Playboy" on a regular basis look a little .. how you say, cockeyed...but that is what I thought they wanted. Hef never gave me a call. Oh well.

2.) I hate talking on the phone. I do that all day at work, and I hate it there. I just don't have the patience for it when I get home, but I can ramble on for hours on the Internet... I guess this is a more controlled environment where I can think before I talk. Lord, has that ever happened?

3.) I know everyone knows this one.... I hate being hugged. Especially by those I don't know to well. I have been getting better at this in the last few years... I have endured the hugs, but I really hate anyone in my personal space except my husband and my family. I trust them with the hug. I love it when my nieces and nephews... or anyone in the family gives me the "big one." Other than's awkward. At Christmas when I was at my brother's house, his brother in law tried to hug me. I almost broke his nose...I was sitting on the couch when he came up for the it was looming..I shook his hand, brought him down to my level and tried to kiss his cheek. He wasn't expecting it. He moved his head, I moved mine and fortheloveofkissincousins I damn near took his nose off!! I'm just not good at the formalities.

4.) I'm a worrier. I worry, the "worry." That's how much I worry. And worry is getting tired of me. I can't seem to stop myself, unless I sit down and write a blog, or get in my truck and take off for awhile, or have a half a gallon of wine. I love going to work. When I am busy I can get focused on what I have to do and forget the worry some parts. But, I guess that comes with aging and when you can clearly see that you are the last of a generation. To bad we couldn't have had kids. It would make this time of life a little more interesting with the grands.

5.) I am afraid of Doctors. Very afraid. I will do anything in my power to avoid a Doctor. I generally try to heal myself. It comes from my mother, she didn't like going to doctors either, and that has ruined me for life.

Okay let's put #4 and #5 in perspective......mother worried until she had ulcers and hated doctors...this isn't really about me anymore is it? Well yes it is, but suddenly as I was writing a light came on. And if I may go back to #3, she wouldn't hug or kiss anyone not even me. She was a good mother, but not affectionate.

I think I have just saved myself an appointment with a shrink. Mind you...balonie could use a little mental help.

Perhaps I have told you a little more than you needed to know.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

joanie balonie is feeling sad

I spent two days of my weekend scanning over 100 pictures for the family newsletter, and trying to find a way to put them up on my sidebar as a slideshow. I still haven't got that working the way I would like. Does anyone have an idea? I used the google one, and it's the shits.

What do I get? A kick in my skinny ass. 4 out 8 responded. That does not make a newsletter my friends. That makes shit.

I am so disappointed. I gave them two warnings...gentle one's...well, I may have said "I will come over and kick you ass" if you don't respond by today...but it was in jest.

Maybe I should just let this thing take a dirt nap. I was so pumped this weekend because I just love doing it; I failed to recognize that everyone is am I...but I would have made the time for all of them if they were doing the newsletter. What does it take to send a few words and a pic. And if you are even a better person, send lots of words and lots of pics.

I'm pissed.

Now half of them will be waiting for the newsletter to be posted tonight and the other half are sitting there with their fingers up their ass.

I'll get over it...time for supper.

Friday, January 25, 2008

I got haloscan working again

That is my commitment to this template. Don't be coming to me a' crying when you are tired of it. I don't take haloscan lightly, because they make you work for the change... yeah at least two minutes...but hey when you are my age, you gotta learn it all over again. It's hurting my brian, or is that brain?.. well one of you.

Back to my family newsletter. I will give youse guys a peek at it if you so give a hairy rats ass when I'm done.

Yours truly

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I'm working on my family newsletter

I have a a whole bunch of people to piss off this weekend. I do it every January. But so far they are still talking to me, so I guess I will have to get on their asses a little harder this time round.

I'm scanning old pic's of all my cousins that they never knew existed. Let their children see how crossed eyed, and pimply faced they were. I photoshopped myself out of all of them. After all, I am the editor and I should have some anonymity. heh....

I am going to have so much fun with this on the weekend, I am almost pissing my pants. I have the blog site all set up and ready to roll. I got to choose a new template tooo...bonus! And on the side bar I have all the old pics of all of us in yonder year, with our parents and grandparents...and also pics of all the cousins, there children and grandkiddens. It's crazy I tells you.

So iff'n youse guys will be missing me this weekend...tough shit... I got family you know!! And I will be able to get together with them, without actually seeing does. not. get. better. than .that.

Seriously, I love them all. We are getting together this spring. Unless I give them a bum steer and tell them the reunion is at a location that I am not in. Could happen, I will see what the response is to the newsletter. If no one gives the balonie a little love.. shit could hit de fan.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I sent some Christmas cards to the US of A

And I got them all back today. WT hell....

Almost a month later. Canada Post thought I was cheating them out of .44 cents, good lord, it was Christmas couldn't they have just sent them along? NO.

I forgot to attach an extra stamp that I had rememered to do last year for my US friends. So, anyone on my list will recieve a very late Christmas greeting. But it still comes to you with best wishes from my rotten balonie heart.

Don't try to hug know how I hate that.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Just call me a dink

I did a 2 hour post yesterday, including grammar and spell checking on my Cooking with Baloney site instead of my real blog. I have done that twice now. Blogger wouldn't let me copy and paste it back in this blog. I was so pissed, I almost went to the ER to beg for morphine. Instead I ate 4 chocolate turtles really fast, I just wanted the rush. They must have put some REAL turtle juice in those babies, because they went down so s l o w, I could feel their little feet climbing down my esophagus. Hmmmm ... climbing down, that doesn't sound right, if you climb you go up..right? Okay, they were slowly making there way down my esophagus in a orderly fashion. Once they got to the port of call eg. my stomach. They stopped, and held a meeting. Bastards. I could feel them arguing down there. Two of them wanted to come back "up" and the other two wanted to continue on the "tour de France." I was just hoping that they all would want to come back up, and didn't care how long it would take for the turtles to make that trek, because I could feel the dissension in my belly parts.

After about ten minutes, I still felt they had not come to any conclusion. Two wanted out, two wanted in. Fuck, I thought maybe I can flush all of them out. They would look pretty in pink wouldn't they? Then I downed a quart of Pepto Bismol. Oy.

Two of them made their way up, and the other two made there way down. Very quickly. Oh for a turtle to have a GPS locater chip in it's shell. But it was not to be. They both took different routes. Little hard shelled bastards. It was shit and puke time. SAPT. I really don't think the little cute chocolate baby turtles had anything to do with it, it was probably a bug I picked up when I was eating out of a dumpster at KFC yesterday. We haven't have KFC for a year now, since Gord had his incident...and I HAD to have a fried chicken fix. I had to fight two raccoons for a drumstick. I won.


Interesting how fast one can run to the can when they have to. Normally, I amble, but yesterday I did the "amble" in less than a second. Successfully I am proud to announce. Nothing hit the floor.

I'm thinking Olympics here people, should this ever become a sport. Let's look at the ramifications. People who are slower than the fastest Olympians, should have a AMBLE category for those that are not quite as fast as the ones on steroids. It might be boring to watch on TV, BUT as an AMERICAN...oops sorry I was just listening to CNN. Hilary was yelling, and typed that by mistake.

I think the Ambler can compete effectively. Ski on hills, not mountains, figure skaters should only skate to music by the Bee Gees, high jumpers could slowly jump over a dog, swimmers could swim know, a turtle... slowly and do the turtle paddle. The list in endless. I don't know how I keep coming up with these ideas. It's a gift. Let's not forget about Curling, the national sport of Canada. I love Curling. They would not have to change anything. The sport is all about Amblying, you just pick up a rock and push it to the other end of the rink and hope to hit the sweet spot to win. Mind you, your team has to do a lot of sweeping, even though there is no dirt to sweep up. It seems a little.. how do you say? Stupid. However, every Amblyer should take up this sport.

I expelled the two turtles that wanted to come up, and I have them in a fish tank...not to worry. The other two, have sadly been flushed down. But I feel their spirit, every time my tummy spazes. I bid them a fond farewell.

Amblying along, singing a song.. side by side.

Friday, January 18, 2008

It's been a week alright!

Let's see where do I start. On Monday, I sliced my tongue on a candy coated peanut. And I'm schtill tawking funny...not to mention eating and drinking. My word, that hurt, and it's still is not totally healed. I have sliced the ole wagger a few times by licking envelopes...not the whole envelope you arses...just the tasty gluey part of it...but you knew that. It's kind of strange when your tongue is sore, you keep rolling it around your mouth all the live long day, until it drives you batshit. You can't put a bandage on it to keep it safe from, let's say... food! You can't stick it out as you normally do at jerk face drivers on the way to work, because it starts to tingle the minute air reaches it. I think the tongue has long been overlooked in wellness. It got me to thinking, yes I do that once in awhile, what if something happened to our tongues? I have gone through a trillion scenarios of what if's with all the other parts of my body, but I forgot about this one VERY important part.

How would you eat?

How would you talk?

How would you drink wine?

How would you give tongue?

Is there a prosthetic type tongue they could attach if you lost yours? Like dentures if you lost your teeth, or fake legs if you lost them? What would they attach it to? The little flabby part in the back of your mouth that makes you gag??

I'm doing some deep thinking here folks, I don't want to loose my tongue..ever. So, I haven't even googled "tongue"...because I don't want to know about tongue disease. Or split tongue in my case. Snakes have split tongues don't they... Why shouldn't I.

I bought a electric fireplace for my office at home on Tuesday. It's a pretty little thing. Well, not as little as I thought it was.

I have been at Home Depot 584 times since Christmas to see if this thing was going to go on sale. Last did. I said to the "associate"...load her up man..I got my truck parked by the front door! The pimply faced youngster put it in a cart, we went through the check out, and then brought it to my truck and threw it in the back of my Explorer.

When I had been at the store the previous 583 times, I tried lifting the fireplace a few times and found it suprisingly light. I had convinced myself that I could very easily carry it into my house myself after I got it home. The box it came in looked surprisingly big as compared to the fireplace on the show room floor, but I was undeterred. I was in mission mode.

When I got home, I wisely backed the Explorer into the driveway. I was in my preparedness mode. I backed up a little too close to the garage, but I only nicked it. Driving backwards is not something I do well . Then I pulled forward, and all was good. I left enough room to get the hatch open to get the fireplace box out. I wanted to be close enough to the stairs leading to the front door without having to worry about dragging that bastard in the house and be tripping all over shit.

Well, hell's bells...I parked way to close to the garage and couldn't even get it out of the truck. So I moved it forward once more. Went back again, opened the hatch, and finally pulled her out gently. No problem, the box was in the snow on the driveway. Piece of I could just slide her to the front steps. And I did.

Can you tell, I wanted no help with this at all. No, it was supposed to be a surprise for Gord, who told me not to buy it. That's the way I roll. If I buy it, I buy it...and do all the heavy lifting, don't fuck with me.

Okay, now I had to get her up 4 icy steps. Ice was my friend, she slipped up them like a greased monkey. Now we were at the front door. Challenging times. Because there was another step up, getting it into the house, plus 8 steps up to my office where her home would be. I was not in the least deterred, because until this point I had no idea how heavy it really was.

When I finally had to lift it up to get through the door, I realized, hey..maybe I should have asked someone with a muscle to help.

I huffed and puffed and got the box in the front landing. I scared the dog with the big box, so I had calm her down...after catching my breath for a moment I continued. I tried to push that huge box up the stairs to my office, but God came to rescue...and said...if you do shit like this one more time...I'm going to take a I backed off.

I sat downstairs with the box for awhile and devised a plan. I took the fireplace out of the box to see if it could be taken upstairs in a more reasonable fashion. When I unpacked it, it had two handles on top...yesssss, for grip, so I thought I could use that to push it up the stairs. Not so. It helped in a way, but after I got to the third stair it became unbalanced, so I just pushed my leg against it and kept of lifting to the next stair... and the next one... and the one after that. I huffed and puffed, and kept on pushing until my eyes started to bulge and fell out of my head, then rolled down the stairs...plunk plunk deplunk. Penny retrieved them. Thats what dogs do.

Well, after all this effort it did not look as good as I thought it would in my office. I put it here...than I put it there...then I put it everywhere. Finally I found the sweet spot. Then it didn't look right there either..then I put it over yonder, to ponder.

The picture does not do it much justice because the camera didn't pick it up the flames. It has a mirror behind it and it picked up my lamp and shit.. I will take a picture during the day and it should give anyone who gives a hairy rats ass what it looks like have a gander.

I was making some pizza buns tonite. I poured some olive oil in a small dish with some fresh garlic in it to give it flavour. I kept smelling it over and over to see if the garlic had gelled with the olive oil... and I guess I got my nose a little close to the dish...and my nose still stinks like garlic. I can't wipe if off...I stink, a good stink, but I still stink stanky.
And I have a very shiny nose.

Rudolf... I can relate bud. Give Santa and all those Elvises my regards.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Okay....I'm happy

I'm not saying sweet fuck all about my template. I know I am the laughing stock of the blog world, by changing it every stinking week. I'm done for now. I'm pooped.

I still owe JimBob 5.00 bucks US for the last time I blew it. But, hey I really, honestly don't mind looking at my writing on this one. Let's see. Yes... I have hangups...push off.

I just realized I missed my blogging anniversary on New Years 2004. That was the day I lost my virginity to the big ole www. And I have been screwing it ever since.

I can't believe it has been THAT long. I put my heart and soul into it at first, and then when I became more relaxed and figured out what my niche would be...I just became myself. And tried not so hard to impress my one commenter. Thanks Mary Lou!

Comments, Schmomments what ever will be will be. I am as guilty as the next person for only reading blogs (except Brenda) and don't contribute a comment ...most times I am at work and read blogs on my lunch or coffee breaks and try to throw one in. When I come home at night I just don't have the time. I seem to find time to change my template don't I? At work, my friends...when the boss is away this mouse will play. I have my priorities.

I am a jerk.

I wish something interesting would happen around here soon....if it doesn't I will have to make something up.

I put a few Mennonite recipes up on balonies blog if you care

Cooking With Balonie

I bid you farewell for tonight.
Yours till...I.D.K.

Monday, January 14, 2008


What's with the triple spacing on my last blog? I didn't do that. There is something fishy going on.

I changed my template 3 times today. Most new mom's don't even change their kids diaper THAT often. I win.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Gosh I hate the way my blog looks

Yep, it's time to for a change. It's just toooooo blahhhhhaaha. I no likey. I'm putting that on my "what to do list" for next week. ..and don't forget to buy coffee.

I don't think I wished Mary Lou a Happy Birthday this year. Happy sixty two..Mary Lou!! Man I am so much older than you ummm 4 months. I'm trying to work back in my mind when our parents "did it"...but that grosses me out.

I still can't believe my parents EVER had sex. I remember after my dad died, mom told me she missed her best friend, partner, and lover...and then I fainted. OMG ... you guys weren't doing it in your 70's? I know she was pissed when he had his prostrate problems and I guess that was the end of that. At the time I never thought they ...were doing it. I feel like fainting again. My God, they had three children, wasn't that enough? And they had to keep on "doing it"? ..for no good reason???? I don't know, but it just makes me want to cross my legs.

I went on a shopping expedition yesterday. I actually got up EARLY on a Saturday morn, got my house in order, and went shopping. I have two gift certificates to blow. One was from Mark's Work Warehouse . Apparently at Christmas, all the jeans size 10 were under someone else's tree, and the store only had sizes 2-4-8 and 22 left. It was a mighty blow. I found a pair of size 8 I really liked, and convinced myself I could actually fit into them. Just as an aside... I don't know why the clerks always give me the handicapped change room? But, hey I like the extra room and I don't have a wheelchair or a pair of crutches to contend with; I just do a little happy dance before I take my pants off. Well, you know...the jeans almost fit. Not as comfortably as I would have liked them to. I like a little breathing room between me and the waistband. It was a little snug. And as I was preening in front of the mirror, convincing myself these jeans that look so good on me, would be comfortable while sitting at work for 7 hours a day, I bought them. I took them home, tried them on again, and I had no movement in my hind quarters unless I took baby steps. I love the low rise jeans because I have a short space between my waist and crotch and usually they fit great. These were obviously made for someone size 8..not 10 or 12. I love Old fart jeans they have this huge gap between the waist and crotch, and you can air you privates when need be. is getting on my last nerve..........I hate shopping!!! I can't stop telling you just how much I hate it.

Okay, so I guess you got the picture.

Well, I'm going to give you some linky love again for balonies blog. That woman never stops cooking. She actually made her balonie Christmas tree ornaments today. Lazy bitch. And because I started this blog for her I added some comfort food recipes to help her out. I'm good like that.

Here it is....Cooking with Balonie

Have a nice day.

Friday, January 11, 2008

I got nothing

I guess I will have to work on balonies blog a little more. Because...people..there ain't nuttin to see here. Go home. Kiss your children and pat your yanimals..January has that effect, and I am just as happy to do cooking rather than boring you with my whatever. I can sum the month up. Went to work, came home, made supper, and glared at my husband when he brought home 2 cases of toilet paper, a case of SOS pads (we will never have to write our name in the snow for help) and a case of garbage bags. That, is a lot of cases! ... for "just" in case. heh I did a pun. I know he got a deal...but fortheloveofafrickindeal .. where do I put all this shit? WE ARE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE! Why the SOS pads, I will never figure that out. All my pots and pans are Teflon. But, I guess when you see a deal, you have to buy it whether you use it or not. 12 of them....well fuck we used to say! heh. I don't get it. The toilet paper, YES, the garbage bags yes, but why so many...the SOS Pads are still a mystery. After we are dead, people will come in our house, and wonder what we did with so many SOS pads. A case of them. A whole case of them. They will probably think we liked to scrub abrasively at something, and leave a blue soapy film behind. I can't think of anything I would like to scrub that hard, except his face right now.

In our obit's they will say, Gord and Joan were very clean, and loved the shiny. In our estate sale, they will probably go for hmmmm five cents a box. So, how can this be a good thing? We will outlive the garbage bags and the toilet paper, but the SOS pads are giving me a problem. I sincerely hope, he has not gone shopping without me again today...because when I see him coming home...and he is backing into the driveway, I know there is a shit load of stuff in there to unload, we may or may not use. Gordie Good Guy...yes, but give me a break.

On another note, I cut my own hair today....I did. I was so pissed at my hairdresser the last two times I went in....I did it myself. It looks great.I used to cut hair for years when I was younger. I just figured it out myself and had people coming to me for cuts, perms etc. all the time, until it got too much with working and all. I always wanted to be a hairdresser when I was young. But life got in the way and never got a licence.

Okay, so if you don't see too much of me here... and if you give a shit...I will be posting some good old recipes on balonies blog. I will redirect if I do. I have my cookbooks out...Mennonite Foods and Folkways, the Hutterite Treasury of Recipes, From the Kin Kitchens Ukrainian cookbook, and last but not least my Best Loved Casseroles for winter. Comfort food. I have a few of those.

Anywhottle... I'll be back on Sunday to share.

tra la la....ooops one to many glasses of the grape.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Penny's Pouting

We had play time, we had snack time, we had brush me time, but the minute I sit down here it's I hate you time. The rolling of the eyes, the constant "pat me"... I am lonely.. is getting on my last nerve. So, I type this with one hand and pat with the other. That leaves "no hand" to sip my allotted of wine while blogging. Therefore, this blog just might make sense. Or not.

My New year's wish was to get rid of of this ugly dog hair infested 1990 recliner you see above.'s the most comfy ... park your ass in...Archie Bunker recliner ever. Penny and I do our best making out on it.

Balonie has been emailing me all day...gawd I hate her! She needs a cookie cutter to cut up her baloney rounds to make the Christmas Tree ornaments! Well, fortheloveofpete. Christmas has come and gone, and where the hell were you asshole? I don't have any cookie cutters, I don't bake at Christmas, that is what I have neighbours for, they bring it all over to the house and in huge platters. I love them. So, in order to make her happy, I might just have to go over to my bestest neighbour and borrow a fucking cookie cutter to get this blog done. It's going to be embarrassing when I tell neighbour lady why. Man, all I need is a star or something...anything at all yuletidisness. I looked everywhere, and I can't come up with anything. I might just have to carve the baloney myself. If she doesn't smarten up...

Maybe we should do it like when we were kids. Chew out two eyes, then a nose and a mouth, hold it UP...and laugh till we pissed our pants. Then make a hole on top of the baloney round and hang it on the tree..which is now in my basement. In a box. I think the the reason for the season is over. But, if she insists, I will hang that sucker somewhere. ... close to Penny... easy come..easy go. Gone! Let's see what happens.

Heh, the other day I was getting mixed up in which blog I was in. Lordy, I started posting in the wrong one. I think I have that under control now. Blogging Here, Recipes There. Fart. It's hard having two personalities posting who seem to be so interconnected, yet one is crazy. I don't which one that is. It could go either which way.

I bought a "AS SEEN ON TV" Can Opener today. I love it. You stick this little thing that looks like a computer mouse on top of the can, press a button, and it spins around and opens your can without any help from you. It really works! I hate my can opener...and I do use it alot, so this is the cat's ass. Or Cat's of them. Now I can throw it in a drawer and not have it on my counter top. It's battery operated, so no cord. I got rechargeable batteries, so this should be a cake walk. My lazy ass kisses it. I sort of looks like a vibrator, but whoa...that sucker could take a bite out of your bits.

I have lost the hearing in my right ear. So, I won't be able to hear what you are saying about me tonight. Go ahead, have a good laugh and talk about me behind my back. My ear is plugged with ear jam. And, no not the kind you put on your toast. However, it might taste like Marmalade, which is bitter, but I don't recommend it. No, not at all. Disclaimer. I feel like I'm listening in mono, instead of stereo. My left (good) ear is picking up the sound, it seems like it is coming from a different direction and making me dizzy. I had trouble walking and driving today, because it felt so unbalanced. Damn those 60's...too much rock and roll.

I put some ear jam medicine in it tonight and I will see if that works by tomorrow, if not I have to go to the walk in clinic and get it "boodled out." And then I will make a Ear Jam Sandwich with it. arg. Now that I think of it, I will tell balonie... Ear Jam Sandwiches will be hit on her site...ahaaahaa. She falls for anything I tell her. Balonie Christmas tree ornaments, followed by Ear Jam Sandwiches should put her ahead of the Pioneer Woman by leaps in bounds because she just does "down home cooking". I said that in jest....but hmmm I just put on my thinking hat, you know the one.. the pointy one. See the paragraph below.

Now that I think of it, balonie could do more Eco friendly cooking, by using your ... for example, ear jam on toast. Use your own tears instead of salt, use your perspiration instead of cheese, use your own hair instead of pasta, use your own saliva to cook your veggies with, can you see where I am going with this...the list is endless. I wouldn't be surprised if she will receive the next Nobel Prize for using all her body parts to save the planet. Hey, Pioneer that!

Yeah....we have a better idea than roasting calf nuts. Not saying that isn't Eco friendly, but I'm betting they would probably have liked to kept them.

So, if you have got this far....I put up a post in Cooking With Balonie to get you over the hump while she figures out what to do with her Christmas Baloney rounds. dink.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Tasty treat next door

I have posted at recipe at Cooking with Balonie ...put your pancake pants on. Balonie seems to be taking over my life.

If you want to know what I'm making for supper tonight...don't ask...I made it up. I will get Gord to be my taste tester. I had an accident with the worchershire sauce, instead of flipping the little flipping lid up, I took the top off and poured it in. oopsie. If the recipe I made up tonight just might see it on HER blog.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

So, okay... I have a confession to make, I lost my entire post on Live Writer on Friday night. I was somewhat pissed off, I damn near shit myself. And of course it was one of my most finest entries ever. It was my fault. You have to go into options and let it know that the draft has to be saved every 3-4-5 etc. minutes. So, I still like it, but holy moly we almost broke up. Like anything else you got to get read the fucking instructions. Which leads me to my new printer. With my Christmas bonus I bought a "all in one" Canon printer. I think I have already mentioned that. In the past I have always been a HP printer man/woman. I thought I would deviate a bit and give Canon my $59.99. Hey big spender! Anywho I'm totally in love with Canon, but of course I did not read the instructions, because I am way too smart. Just like with Live Writer, I forgot a step in the installation and started pissing my drawers because it doesn't work. Then I lost the power cord to my digital camera. I lost the USB cable to the computer for the camera two weeks ago. I found it behind Gord's filing tray on his desk. I guess I thought I would remember it would be in such a convenient location. Gawwd. Today .... as I searched and searched for the power cord, I finally found it .... yes you guessed it ... I put it there too. What the hell in wrong with me? Why didn't I look there first?


It's been the clean up weekend here at El Spazo. Saturday I took the tree down, yeah I took er down all right, I won. I'm pretty sure none of those prelit lights will work next year. I was surprised however, how organized I had become this Christmas. Usually I am weeping with the clean up. But, I brought up three boxes, carefully chucked all the ornaments, villages, wreaths and Nativity scenes in them and stored them away. Cold....yeah probably....but man I just can't get sentimental about this anymore. The stores will have more of them next year if I broke them. I have a few special things I take care of from my mom and sister in law, but the rest are ..bling.

Then, I brought out my new vacuum cleaner I bought in a few weeks ago...Gayclean. To swoop up the mess left from the festivities. Gayclean has a mouth like a big ole catfish, and almost sucked up the dog. I can't believe this vacuum cleaner. He/she is a keeper.

Today I continued the cleaning frenzy. 6 loads of laundry my friends. Two more to go next week, because I ran out of steam. Everything is this house is washed. Even Gord's housecoat, which I always forget. It was so mild out today, I finally got outside in the backyard and played with Penny. But, I was still in a cleaning mode, and I took tons of snow and rubbed her down...and cleaned her up. She smells so fresh. Better than a bath anytime.

I am such a spoiled brat. I got a "Command Start" for my Explorer for Christmas. Seriously it is the best thing ever!! I should have taken pictures, but I'm to lazy now. You get a key chain with a small display unit on it, and when you press the button to start your car, it beeps, and on the display you can see a replica of a car with smoke coming out the tail pipe, and you know your engine is running from any point you are standing. This will be so great, because this year I can't get my truck into the garage, because (someone) I won't mention names has it full of CRAP, So, in the morning before I go to work, I just punch in the little zzz thing and my truck is raring to go and warm and toasty when I get in. I will probably only use it only when it gets really cold, because the price of gas is getting crazy, but sometimes.... I just put it on because I like to watch that little car on the display puff away when I press the button. La la la la .. and then press the door opener close. Joy. La la la...I thinks I needs me some mental help.

I got some recipes coming up in balonies blog soon, but with all the sucking up and laundry this weekend I had to just flapping my gums on here seemed easier. I can't believe she is going to make tree ornaments out of baloney...(Christmas is over stupid) Hopefully by the time she posts, it could get a little better. It will happen.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

I'm still loving Live Writer

And no, Microsoft did not make me their bitch.  And should they approach me I might just let them...hey I'm easy.  Guess what, all I have to do is press one little button "view" to see how this will look after I am finished...without hitting the dreaded "Publish" key and then see that all my pictures are out of line, and I have made some major spelling errors which either I didn't catch or spell check didn't. It's so much easier for ME, maybe not you, to see it live before publishing.  If I screw up after all of that I deserve a kick in the butt. I type way to fast, and I sometimes have problems with on and one, of and off, etc. and can't proof read until I read the real thing............and shake my head when it's show time.  Mind you, I make no promises I will probably do it again...but this feels so much more comfortable. 

My wonderful friend Brenda noticed I didn't know how do a proper link to my new Cooking with Balonie site and showed me the way to do it right.  I knew there was a better way because I see everyone doing it...but sadly I was to lazy to figure it out. 

Hey...let's try it out...Cooking with Balonie

Hopefully I did it right.  I know this is probably stupid, but I am really going to try to post some real recipes on there when that circus bitch isn't looking.  Mennonites, Hutterites, Ukrainians gather round for some good down home recipes.. and for the rest of you... meh. Sushi, I can't give you.  I have cookbooks from all of these cultures that explain how these recipes came about.  I should be interesting.  Stick around. And if "you know who" raises her ugly be it.  I have a big stick.

I'm hitting matter what, I like this program....and thanks Microsoft for the check. 

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

You have to get Windows Live Writer

it is a hundred times better than blogger's crappy posting window. Pictures are a snap to add, plus you can frame then 3 different ways.

Testing pictures


Shadow frame


Photopaper frame


Inherit from weblog frame

Very easy to use and has many more features. You can also preview your blog before you publish it. I always catch my errors after I publish and have to go back in.

I give it a two thumbs up.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Cooking with balonie it is!

I have had way to much time on my hands you will see. I'm gonna give that ole pioneer lady a run fer her money. She runs a Cow ranch, I run a moose only trouble is I don't have 500.00 bucks to give to you if you put the best caption on a picture I have taken. That will come...but the money won't. I'm thinking about regifting, I have a wrench set that hasn't got a home yet. Maybe tomorrow on....

God I am an ass. I hope the Pioneer Woman doesn't find me. Okay...who would like a calender of my mooses.