Monday, December 31, 2007
As a blogger many of you have touched my life. Most of all was my dear blogger friend Ellen. She did not live to see the new year, and I miss her dearly. Also there is Leslie, I still don't know the status of her health, I worry about her every day now that she is not blogging at all. I sense something tragic has happened.
I am so grateful I got to meet Ellen before she died, even though it was hard to see her that way. She probably didn't want to meet me when she wasn't feeling well, but I'm glad she did. I could still see who she was before cancer claimed her life. Curtis, was her rock, and he did a fine job of seeing she was taken care of until the end. So, Ellen, Ellen Bo Bellen...I'm hoping God's got a partee going on in heaven today...say hi to my folks, you know.. they are in Mennonite section eating farmer sausage and perogies. And, if there is an Italian guy hitting on you...that would be my Uncle Frank ..Luigi.. He loved blonde's. Then if you hear a woman yelling "FRANK" that would be my Auntie Betty. Get the hell out of her way! Take cover under another Angels wings.
I'm so glad to wind this year down. I guess we will just have see what is planned for us next year. I just hope it involves a lot of wine. Speaking of wine, I will launch my new Balonie Cooks with Wine...or it might be Balonie Drinks and Cooks with Wine, I haven't decided....I'm going back and forth with that one. But it's not going to be pretty. It's probably going to be a .. what not to do in the kitchen. So, don't expect any good recipes unless you like eating crap.
My very best!!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
I just love her blog. She is just a down to earth country girl, who shares her life on a working ranch. She also has another blog with is called http://www.thepioneerwomancooks.com/ where she shares decadent recipes that are so politically incorrect in this day and age. Can I mention the word "butter" without anyone shutting down their computer! She don't care...she butters everything up.
This got me to thinking today. Why don't I make a second blog about cooking. It will in no way be anything edible because Balonie will be COOKING! A satire, if you will. I know The Pioneer Woman has a trillion people reading her blog, but I thought for the 3 or 4 of you that pop in occasionally Balonie could delight you with her cooking skills. So now I have to make a decision on what to call the blog. Maybe Penny could round up my collection of Moose's on my Moose ranch. Just like her husband does, but then I would have to get Penny a pair of doggie chaps. And then I would have to castrate them...oy.. but how hard could that be...just take a pair of scissors running...done. I wouldn't be able to fry them however, because plastic balls would stink, I think I will just hang them on the tree. Sorry Clive..life is hard on a Moose Ranch.
Here they are:
Cooking with Balonie
The Balonie Cooks
Balonie Cooks with Wine
Balonie Drinks and Cooks with Wine
Balonie is Cooked
I think I will go with Cooking with Balonie, I can throw all that other stuff in there while I go...wine and all.
I will take pictures and give detailed instructions on every recipe Balonie decides to share on her blog. Then give a "stumble by stumble" report ... and perhaps some household tips! That should be interesting.
Balonies oven looks like shit; so don't judge her by her scariness of using chemicals to clean it, or her lack of knowledge to turn the Self Cleaning feature on. OR...just being a lazy ole bitch. She can cook up a mean meal if she puts her mind to it, but usually that is the problem.
I'm going into blogger now and getting it all set up.
I was going to do a poll, but I can't wait. bye
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Lappy is happy, got the bugs out of my desktop, my monitor is okay and sharing with everyone. There is peace in the valley.
Until... I came home with a new printer today. Now everyone is scrapping again. Little bastards! I hate it when my kids fight. I got it all sorted out. My newest Child "Canon"...don't you love the new age names! Anywho Canon has been fussy today, because he wasn't breastfed at birth. But once I fed him enough paper, he went down for his nap and was out like a light..... Until I asked him to do some colour printing and it was amazing.
This is starting to look like an "All My Children" soap blog. Cast of characters...Ben, Clive, Gingerbreadman, The bitch, and now Canon.
Who do you predict will go into a comma first, or come back from the dead?
Oy..it's getting late ..got to get my ass to bed.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Hey my name is Toshiba
And I'm Joan's little Lappy
But when I saw that big honking screen
I wasn't very happy.
What is wrong with my 17 inch screen?
This is what she always liked
But now that "her bitch" came along
I think I will call her a dyke.
Joan has my screen down
I'm stuck here and can't say a word
I'm trying to pull myself up so she will see me
How could my best friend, turn into a turd.
Even tho she has tried
To make me seem like a jerk
I still have the password
To her whole network.
If I get anymore bullshit
And she doesn't open my cover
I will be forced to
Kill her new lover
I'm planning a new fight
And have a new plan of my own
After she reboots
I will get rid of the drone.
Bye bye HP 22" mother monitor
I hope you had a good time
Because after this...
She's all mine.
That stinking little lappy, she must have been watching me trying make all the kids at Christmas play dead. Too much information. I can see the blue lights from her monitor flashing, this might not be good. I'm not opening the sucker, God knows what's going on in there.
Should I power down? Man I hate it when electronics rule your life. My cell phone just started ringing and there is no one there. She must have blue toothed it. heh or whatever. Now the lights in the house are blinking. Gord's GPS system started working and it still in it's box and hasn't been activated. HALP. God, I hope she didn't turn the furnace off.....aie ya ya yie. I will have to nip this in the bud and make amends.......to late.....the printer is spewing out sheets of paper for no reason....someone call 911.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
I'm having a taste of the one (of) ten bottles of wine we got for Christmas. My oh My, it's a wonderful Riesling. After drinking my home brew, it's quite a treat to drink "store bought."
This screen is sooooo big my eyes don't know which way to turn. It is so clear!! I just love it.
I got a 500.00 bonus at work for Christmas, so I'm thinking a new printer is in order. Then I wonder why we never have enough money to buy some decent furniture, when I go spending any extra money on electronics. Did I tell you I bought Gord a GPS system for his truck? I did. He loves it. Well, he will love it once he actually takes it out the box and starts using it. Too busy, so maybe this weekend. He loved the wrench I got him too. It has a battery in it and automatically finds the stuff you want to wrench..heh.. and grabs on to it. You don't have to use the little turning thingofamajig. Don't try this using your finger as your first experiment....because it will hurt. If you do...don't come cryin to me... I told you so.
HippyChick and her daughter showed up on Christmas eve for some drinks and foodies. I pretended I didn't know she was the ONE WHO LEFT CLIVE on my doorstep. My Christmas Moose. I told her the entire story, and then I pointed my pointyessfinger at her, and demanded she "fess" up....and she did. We were positively giddy ... while she told me how she got Clive and fooled the crap out of me. Curtis, you are off the hook. But, hey if you want to give a moose, I still have room for more mooses in my moose garage.
Here we are with our double chins for the world to see. And I'm looking a little uncomfortable with that hug. It also looks like someone sat on my head, kinda flat. However, Clive looks excellent. Thanks Janis that was great. I hope you will supply a moose pooper scooper in the near future, because between Ben and him, it's getting a little turdish around here. Gingerbread man likes to sit underneath Clive and watch them drop. When they do he sings another German song...jingle bells, moose shit smells... and he goes on forever.
I had all the Lutherans down yesterday. Even Gord's Tante Tine came. She is 92. She drank a small bottle of Irish Creme. She is amazing. Then she scarfed down my sweet and sour babee back ribs with basmati rice, 3 bean salad, Caesar salad, meatballs, chicken fingers, plus all the other crap I made. Oh yeah, then the herring, and other stuff before supper. I love her.
We had 5 kids running around all night between the ages of 2 and 13. The cousins just love playing hide and seek in my big downstairs. The older ones just love the younger ones and play with them all the time. When I was 13 my cousins and I would never play with the younger ones....we would quietly plot a way to poison them.
I got such a kick out a McKenna, she is the one in her nightgown. She hates clothes, they can't keep anything one her, so they brought her nighty with them. All night she wanted to be a dog like Penny. So every time I passed her, I said "Sit"..she sat..I said "Sit Pretty"..she sat pretty..I said "speak" ...she woofed.. I said "play dead"..she played dead...and then I walked away. That my friends is how you keep little kids quite.
We had a good evening. Although, the Lutherans did not eat all the herring. Maybe they finally have come to their senses.
I just can't get over this big screen. I didn't realize how hard it was for me to see on the little screen. I'm not saying I won't make anymore typo's...but this is wonderful.
I'm going to try to get online and keep up with everyone tomorrow. I have a pot roast simmering and I'm going to make hot roast beef sammiches and veggies for supper once Gord wakes up. He was tired tonight, so I told him to go bed and we will eat whenever the hell we want to. It's been a trying week or two with so many places to go. I'm sure glad I have the week off and now we might just start enjoying the week leading up to the new year....where we will do sweet fart all.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Guess what I got for Christmas? If you guessed a black thong....you guessed wrong perverts.. It's black alright, but she's a 22 frickin inch monitor. I just died and went to heaven.
It's getting late, and I have to get ready to feed 16 Lutherans tomorrow. Mennonites are easy to please, give them some potatoes, and pork cracklings and it's a done deal. With the Lutherans it's all about the herring and the burgermeister.
MERRY CHRISTMAS...AND THANKS FOR STOPPING IN.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
She is stopping by tomorrow...Christmas Eve, so I will "grill" her. She called me today and said she was looking out the window at the road that passes her house, and she saw and horse driven sleigh with a family riding through the Main Street of her little iddy bitty teenie tiny town.. too cool!
I am so exhausted, I promised myself I wouldn't do that this Christmas, but I did it again. I just finished cleaning this huge house from stem to stern, and did my laundry. I fading fast. But my new Eureka vacuum cleaner and I had a good day. We sucked the joint clean. I had a central vac system, but I guess over the years the brushes and what not were in need of throwing it the fuck out. I would have never believed the crap that lived in the fibres of my rug! This vacuum doesn't have a bag, so I can see the shit. And it's beater bars make we want to make out with it. Who knew I would fall in love with a vacuum cleaner. The dogs getting a little ticked with my obsession...and comes running after me when I turn it on, but once she found it could turn into a game... when I would suck the ball in the hose and use it like a bat and let the ball fly, she reconsidered her options. Do I growl at the vacuum cleaner, or do I bring it to Joan 5,690 times to suck it up and throw it? So, it took a long time to vacuum the mansion. But she got her exercise, as it was way to cold out today for the W.A.L.K.
Tradition is seeping in. Our friends from Ontario will be calling us tonight at 8:30 for our annual gab fest, and catching up on each other lives. We lived beside them before we bought this house 25 years ago, and have kept the tradition alive after the moved. Always good to hear from them.
I over decorated my house again. I was so happy last week that I hadn't gone overboard AGAIN.... but when it's gets closer to Christmas and I have the time off ... I fill my pants and do it over again.
Thursday, our neighbours hosted a wine and cheese party which were invited to. Actually it was for a neighbour two doors down who lost her husband a month ago. All the neighbours contributed to a huge stone angel for her back yard in memory of her husband. It was one of nicest party's I have attended. Trish had her house decked up in a very traditional style, and it was an old time Christmas theme. Birdie, the lady did not know we were all there for her, she thought we were just doing a get together for de old cul de sac. She was so moved. It almost broke ...even balonies heart...and she doesn't even have one. Anyway, fun, conversation, drinks and all ... it was excellent.. as was the wine and cheesiness. We didn't have to drive home...we just had to hold hands and walk back to our house...awwwwwwwwww..aren't we cute.
It's been busy. On Friday night we had our Company Christmas Party. It was excellent. I usually hate them..... but they had a magician. Had he been 40 years younger I would have considered marrying him. Holy moly, he was funny and did tricks too. He made two doves disappear ..ummmm fortunately not into my new every occasion "black pants." The food was so good for party restaurant fare... it almost tasted like homemade. It.was.really good.
Tomorrow we will be doing our usual Christmas eve shrimp and beef stir mit some noodles whatever...maybe rice....going to play it by ear... Hippy Chick is coming earlier, so I will make some treats.
Our friends just called..............see you later....Merry Christmas!!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Today when I came home from work,I found a Moose sitting on my outside doorstep, I almost stepped on him. The note read: I am Ben's "partner" can I live here? Clive.
Okay, I know...that no one else knows about Ben other than youse guys in outer space, so...SOMEONE FESS UP! It was the coolest experience to have something sitting on your doorstep from someone you don't know...or think you don't know. It reminded me so much of when my parents would place a pre-Christmas present and lay it in the snow from our outside attic door from the house. There would be wood shaving laying around, just to let us know Santa was up there making us presents. At that time we didn't know he was at the North Pole, we thought he made all the stuff in our attic, climbed in our chimney and put the presents under the tree. Then they would place a huge "Twas the night before Christmas book" in the snow...along with a few goodies..And the book would be embossed with REAL velvet..or so we thought. It was so very cool. We just pissed out pants.
I had that feeling again today. When I saw Ben's partner sitting on my doorstep. I sort of thought Ben was gay, (ben gay) ahhaaa. but now it's official that Clive is his partner for life. I don't know how gingerbread man is going to take this, but I will have a talk with him tonight. I'm thinking he was actually looking for someone his own size.
I need someone to confess.....Curtis? It has to be someone who lives in Winnipeg. And if Ben and Clive reproduce somebody will pay. It would be so hmmm so not right. Both of them did not come with there underparts attached, so I'm jest guessing here people.
Whoever left that on my doorstep, I would just like to thank you....it made my day and my crappy old year.
There they are as a family....but I will try to brighten that up, but for now I'm tired, gotta get to bed.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Guess what? I'm having a real Christmas!!! Just like the one's we used to know. Seriously, my bro is staying in the city for Christmas this year and for the first time since my mom died in 1999, we will be getting together on CHRISTMAS DAY. Usually we meet up around the New Year and do something lame. They always go out of town to her parents place. But this year her parents have sold their home, and are in a care home. It's sad, but I guess the time has come.
This is for real. My nieces will all be there, and we will laugh. We will poke fun at each other and laugh some more at how really dorkie we all are. I will make fun of their low rise jeans with their panties showing. Mind you...I could wear them now too. I tried on a pair of jeans today, and they fit...but you know what? They felt drafty. How oldfartish is that? But I felt a distinct "draft" where the waist left off on my belly and where my bra started. Lord, don't let me start complaining about drafts...it's a sure sign of youknowwhat. This would be a good seque for one of my prolific poems, but I will spare you. But if I would have, it would have been something about being drafty and daft.
The week is coming to an end and I have a trillion things to do. Tomorrow a short wine and cheesy thing at the neighbours, Friday our company Christmas party ( and I haven't even shortened my black dress pants). I was hoping I would grow up...like that would happen.
I have next week off; but that is full too. Christmas at the bro's, and Gord's family over here on boxing day. I have stressed over the menu for a month. Remember last year when I finally decided on KFC? I still haven't forgiven myself for that, because Gord had the H.A. a month later. So we are having ribs HA.. Yeah I know the KFC had nothing to do with it, it was only the thirty years of scarfing down burgers and lunch, and God knows what else he was eating while he was not at my table. That is now history. So, I am not going subject my guests to my meager offerings we usually eat at home.
The menu is:
Baby Back Ribs (in my special sauce) ...which probably is not special at all, but I like it.
Chicken Fingers ...baked not deep fried with a low cal dipping sauce (no one will notice, because it's so good).
Tradition says I have to have meat balls, so SIL will be bringing her meatballs no matter the menu. That is fine, I love them. I always try in incorporate them in my dinner.
Caesar Salad..made to order from my fav grocery store. Low cal...yet yummy.
My 3 bean salad I have perfected since last year
Basmati rice to soak up the juices of the the ribs.
Whole wheat rolls and real butter.
My niece brings the "before" snacks, so I don't have to worry about that. I just have to remember to buy a couple of jars of herring....because I am surrounded by Germans...und ifs dey do nots gets da herring, they get Hitler faces...and yell achtung. It's scares me, so I try very hard to have the exact Herring they approve of. It has to be herring fillets in wine sauce. Some how that doesn't seem right. Should it not be big ugly herrings in a barrel of vinegar? One year I bought Herring that was not on their approved list, and almost lost a limb.Those krauts know their herring, and if you mess with it... gas chamber mein herr. I'm lucky to be alive. Gord explained to his relatives that because I was a Mennonite I was on the lowly totem pole of the Germanic hierarchy. All the Tanta's nodded and put their knitting needles back in their bags. Phew. Death by knitting needle could be painful. Especially if you got one poked in your favourite eye.
Opps ran on again....
Dessert. I was going to make chocolate pie, only because I want it. But, I changed my mind and will get dainties and serve them on one of those old fashioned tiered serving trays. I'm trying to do everything without to much fuss... and I think I can handle this.
My Bro is doing so much better after he had his pace maker INSTALLED... It's much like the Command Start you have installed in your car. The only difference is that he doesn't have to use the remote control. It does it all by itself. He is walking again without too much pain, but still needs his scooter to go on shopping trips. Personally, I can only relate the the word "scooter," is when my dog slides on her ass on my rug. Another reason for wood flooring. Slide all you want Penny, and with any luck you will get there faster than before, and it will be easier to clean up. Win win... Look at how I am counting my blessings..it must be Christmas.
Damn near burned the house down on Saturday. You know those little voltive candles? I took them out of the cupboard, I hadn't used them since last year, and they smelled a little rancid. I didn't think too much of it and put them in the holders. I sat at the computer for a few moments and then the phone rang....I left the room, and within 5 minutes I could smell something and they had burst into fire!! They were situated right beside my straw nativity scene in the dining room. Shite. Thankyoulord it didn't catch fire. I huffed and puffed and blew the flames down.
What's next? Yesterday I burnt the rice for supper because I could not wait 2 minutes before leaving the room to do something else. Yes, it was minute rice... and it was the second minute that fucked me up. or the 5th. I can't get the burned shit off my fav pot. I am going to burn my house down shortly. Just give me enough time.
Psssst: Gord doesn't read my blog, because he says his fingers are too big for the the keys on my keyboard....but maybe he just doesn't know how to TURN ON THE COMPUTER..anyway ... I bought him a GPS system for his truck for Christmas. Are you thinking like I am, how can he ever use that when he can't even use a computer? Well, hell, yeah. He can do whatever he WANTS! Because he needs his cell phone and then....opps... all of a sudden he got smart with technology. He wants the GPS.. he will find a way to get smart with that. I promise.
Holy moldy this is long. Shut up.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Fall fell 0n it's ass
And it's been a little shitty
So now it's time
To put on the mitties....
How much lamer could I have made that..... give me a minute...
Old man winter is going down to 38 below tonight. And guess who doesn't have a plug for her block heater. Moi~~ Plow Boy, in all his wisdom jammed the cord in the equipment he needed to put the snow blade on underneath the bumper. I...know ... it makes no sense...but there it is in black and white. I said it. Just to tell you how unbelievably dysfunctional we (he) are...it's always something, or have I said that before. And now I can't even put my baby in the garage to keep her warm.
We have a two car garage. Got it so far? Okay. Thanks for that. The stinking Lincoln has priority in the garage, because she is old, and HE doesn't want her to get all frosty and shit.
We had some work done in the garage this week ...think back to spring...when our basement flooded....the water was coming in from the side of the garage that meets the house. This is where Stinky Lincoln lives and she had to get out. We parked her on the side of our driveway. I will call it her "Naughty Spot." She pissed me off so many times this summer, and if it were up to me, she would winter there. I know she was pissed at me as much as I was at her when she refused to use her brakes just to scare the crap out of me. She wanted to be in garage all snuggled in. Bitch. To fricking bad she played me one too many times this summer.
Opps I just felt another poem coming on
I know you think you are a looker
But when I drove you
I felt like a hooker
Anywho, she is still out in her "Naughty spot"... and my truck in is her place...haaaaa. And she is covered with snow ..OUTSIDE... I want to see who is going to win this one.
You may have noticed I said we had a two car garage. Not if you are married to someone who fills up the other side with ...ummm used appliances. Don't ask.
Just a note, to anyone who has problems like I do with "glare." My eyes are so sensitive to some lights, and especially the white lights on the Christmas tree I bought this year. Today, I found a dimmer switch for Christmas tree lights at Canadian Tire...score! ahhhh the tree looks so lovely to me now. I can look at it, and it's very pretty.
I was going to make a fire in the fireplace today, but after doing 2 hours of Christmas shopping after work, I plumb forgot to buy a phoney balonie log. We have to get this sucker converted to gas, I hate those stinky waxy logs. At this point an Electric Fireplace insert would be just fine with me. Years ago we burned real wood, but as we grew older...(do you actually grow) when you get older? hmmm. Just thinking out loud..(or would that be thinking out typing)? hmmm once again. Who knew I was a thinker. Nobody, that's who!!
Opps I just felt another poem coming on:
There once was a girl named balonie
Who never had a thought in her head
And when she was asked to explain herself
This is what she said.
This Christmas I asked Santa to bring me
A basket full of brains
Because my old one's were getting weary
Instead he brought me a train.
I think Santa stinks.
and if you have read this far...I really feel sorry taking up your valuable time
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I've been getting ready for the holidays since two weeks ago, and was doing some house cleaning and wanted to show you my progress. I actually cleaned out my fridge. Gone were the fuzzy green peppers, mushrooms, and cabbage ( I have no idea I had cabbage..whoa). +39 Tupperware containers containing .. some reddish stuff yuk. I took a big brush to the fridge and cleaned her up, and then I tackled my very grungy cupboards ......oy it's not for the faint of heart.
She is clean as a whistle... except I can't open the door to the freezer section wide enough, because my patio doors are in the way....so I can't get out the bin at the bottom to clean it. So it stayed ...ummm the way it was. You can't see it...thankdelord.
And look how shiny her coat is. Oops she's not dog, but a shiny coat has she. I even got all the mineral deposits out of the ice maker thingofamajig. Okay, I got a some of it off, but that sucker is a bitch.
On to cupboard cleaning ...stepfordwifestyle:
All my plastic shit is in order. Lids are all in a big container, instead of strewn around the entire cupboard. Measuring cups are in order...bowls etc. are placed back into the sized containers. You know when you have 3 bowls small medium and large, and you never put them back .. one on top of each other..and they start to mutate and start to live a life of their own. You can never find the little one, because it has migrated to the back of the cupboard along with 5000 lids from your frigging Tupperware shit, and those lids don't even have a home, because between you and me, God has taken some of those containers home, and forgot the lids.
This is a "before" picture...of my upper cupboard. Not to pretty is it? I have a noodle fetish. I throw things in this cupboard...or I should say I throw noodles at this cupboard. No, I just chuck everything I haven't got a place for in this cupboard. Unfortunately, I did not take the after picture, because you would have seen all those noodles in a row in noodle containers. I have a filing noodle system going on. I assure you no mice were trapped in there...but it could have happened.
My little critters on the Christmas tree..holiday tradition
This is a under exposed picture of my boy "slim".... for some reason I can't take a decent picture of him at night...schweinhund!! I think I had my settings farted up...sue me. And my lampshade is crooked, or was the picture taker..crooked.. it's a toss up.
Remember Gingerbread man and Ben the moose.......
Gingerbread man is unaware...and singing German Christmas carols....while Ben (the gay moose) is just starting to make his moves. I don't know how it ended, I left them there, and the next morning I found gingerbread man on his cell phone calling his homeys....and saying "score." So, I'm thinking he and Ben will be okay. So that a relief, I hate decent ion under my tree.
Well I had more, but blogger said...E-nuff you cannot post anymore pictures HERE, because it's for free, or for some other dumb ass reason.... you didn't miss anything, the rest were probably of my ugly lazy boy chairs from the the 1990's. I like to show off my stuff held up by duct tape.
Friday, December 07, 2007
She had me by the balls, because I was very busy at work, and stressing about Christmas and whatever. But, she is safely tucked in behind my "hard drive"..... until when? I don't know.
I have been moving my Christmas Tree around for an hour. I love it, but it's too bright! It's a prelit one with white lights, and you could light up the whole street with this sucker. I like some mood lighting at Christmas. This tree is glaring at me. It makes me edgy, I want calm. Why don't they put amber lights on them..
So, as much as I didn't want to stress out with the tree, I will do it again. I will move it 564 times, and probably take all the prelit shit off of it and put on some LED lights that don't hurt my peepers. I hate the bright lights. I have always been that way. Glare... I can't find a "slim tree" with LED coloured lights on it. I prefer multi coloured lights......it's so much more like Christmas. So, Slim might just get a changeover tomorrow.... I never quit this at Christmas... please put an axe to my head. I knew I was going to do this, just when I thought it was going to be easy. Balonie has a point. Except about my moustache..... the little bitch.
Wish me luck, because I need it.
Just a note: Where is JimBob? I haven't seen him for ages... I owe the guy 5 bucks! Or maybe I'm boring the crap out of him. I hope he is okay...Mary Lou? have you heard from him.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Well, hello! So nice to see you assholes again. Joan was getting a little too complacent and didn't see me coming. I have a lot of shit to clean up around here. She blogs about weather, her stinking dog, and whined forever about the Lincoln. Cry me a fucking river. Take a bus, bitch, if you don't like the way the brakes are working, open the door and stick your foot out and slow er down you wuss. Also, try not to talk about your cooking. I have been watching you, and it stinks! I'm sure Gord is sleeping in the garage in the Lincoln by now trying to get away from your bean salads, no salt, no fat, no nothing casseroles. Your not getting any younger, and by the size of your jowls, no man will have you unless they are into farmyard sex.
I don't know what anyone sees in her...loser. You know what she did last week? No, I guess you don't, because she NEVER ever admits she made a mistake. She just sugar coats it all.
Well, I'll tell you what she did last week, she missed a day. I knew she was fucked all week, and was one day behind, but because she ignores me, and won't let me in.... I can't tell her IT'S NOT THURSDAY STUPID, IT'S FRIDAY. I was watching (hoovering) when this happened on ummm Friday morning at work:
Rob, one of the electricians at work was at her desk when she came into work. He was at the computer because the others were being used.
As far as I could see ...which is not that far, because she puts me at the back of her small brain half the time, Rob was innocently filling out a work order. Her boss, John calls out to Rob. "Rob" did you finish ...job so and so today. Rob says yes I did, I wanted to finish it off before the weekend. Boss say...ummm it's only Thursday. Rob looks at Joan, then Joan looks at boss with a blank stare. Joan says to Rob, "today is Thursday"...what is wrong with you. Rob, is still processing all this information, and Joan had no idea boss was kidding Rob...because SHE thought it was Thursday...not Friday. Boss and Rob go for coffee, and she forgot the entire conversation.
Around 4:00 PM Boss comes to Joan, and says.." We should get this package out today, the customer needs it for Monday". Joan "no brains" ...say no, it's to late for the courier, I will send it tomorrow. Boss, looks a little perplexed, and said.."are you coming in tomorrow"? Joan says..."yeah"...aren't you? Boss says "no" I've got better stuff do with my Saturdays....huh?
I was watching her....and she was like a Janet from another planet!!! I think I have finally wore her down!! She was looking at the calendar trying figure out what day it was, fortheloveofadipshit!! Boss said to her, I thought you knew I was kidding when I told Rob it was Thursday, heh...no she did not, she thought it was Thursday.
She looked a little dazed after that. A day lost in the week will do that to you. That's when I knew she was weak, at it was my time to pounce and get rid of her.
She sat in her chair for about twenty minutes and tried to process it all. Glancing at the calendar again, just to be sure..........now she started to panic..... She hadn't done the Friday computer back-ups, watered the plants, or planned her menu for Friday night low cal pizza. It was so funny to watch her, she looked so confused, yet every now and again, I saw her smile... and I knew she was thinking about sleeping in a day earlier than expected. She drove home that night in a different time zone, still not getting it; and trying desperately to figure out...how she lost a day???
I was still laying low, hiding behind some brain cells she has already killed...and laughing. She actually attributed loosing that day was because she did not make supper on Monday. Her hairy assed husband had not come home that evening because he had a meeting. This event, had screwed up her entire week! A might too organized wouldn't you think? Someone should take a bat to her.
So, now that I'm in charge, things around here will change.
.. Quit talking about yourself and your Christmas trees and shit, nobody cares about that. If you want people to come and read your blog you gotta be like the Pioneer Woman's blog (sorry I don't have the link) because she has me BLOCKED...the bitch...anyway I like that Pioneer Woman, she has some balls unlike someone I know. And she can cook too. And she used butter in everything she cooks on The Pioneer Lady Cooks blog. No wonder I have so many brain cells to hide behind, there is no fat to lubricate them in her diet. What good are size 10 pants if your brainal matter is only size .004.
... Quit worrying about every fucking damn thing. You are making it easier and easier for me to take over..........while I don't mind, I hate to see someone turn into a basket case for no reason...so buck up buttercup....
... Quit trying to control Gord's life. He will be just fine without your infinite wisdom. He is not a child, he is a grown up, treat him like one. If he screws up...hey that's life.
...Get some clothes, you look like a refugee. Those baggy old pants do nothing for your new found figure...You could have found a few sugar daddy's when you were driving the Lincoln if you would not have been wearing your pyjamas.
...Get Christmas happening, instead of dwelling on last year, when Gord wasn't feeling good, and you didn't know he had a problem. He is fine now, enjoy it... who knows what next year will bring.
I don't know how long I will be in her head...normally it's only a week or so, but while I'm here...someone ..... please, tell her to shave her moustache...good lord, she looks like a man.
Monday, December 03, 2007
My desktop, didn't like the move to the office downstairs. She is such a bitch!! Before I went to bed last night I went down to turn her off, and she was screaming....."my memory..my memory...I have lost my memory!! Well, I tried to settle her down and clicked her head (desktop)...wrong thing to do, because apparently that is where her memory is stored. Not unlike us humans. It's all in the frontal lobe. She was waving me bye-bye, and there was nothing I could to stop her from slowly fading away. And she couldn't even shut herself down. There is no 911 number to call when you oldest best friend is having an incident, so I manually "put her down." It was very sad.
But to be honest, I think I know what her problem is. She was so jealous of my laptop which was now #1, she got depressed. Shit like that happens! I went back down to the office tonight and tried to fire her up. She came back up slowly as usual and stuck tongue out at me. SHE is such a whiner. All she wanted to do was scare me. She knows another computer is not in the budget.
Isn't my life sad. I make friends with plastic Christmas trees, and old computers. I don't even want to go in the basement and see the havoc my old tree has generated now that "Slim" is the centre of attention. It's probably a nightmare. She probably farted on my nativity scene the little minx. I almost said bastard, but it just sounds so ugly...I'm going to stop that.
Is there a "rainbow bridge" for old computers and Christmas trees?
I'm sure that is how "bag ladies" start collecting. That will me in a few years and I will probably hear them talking to me...and I won't have any teeth. The conversation will be da da dimwittydo..
But hey, I do that now.
I will be phoning the Salvation Army, and get them to pick up all the dead, but haunting relics in this house....just to stop the fighting!!!
Sunday, December 02, 2007
I reclaimed my dining room yesterday. I had turned it into an office and it was pissing me off. I hauled my desk top computer and all the paraphernalia downstairs where I have a perfectly good office with a huge desk made for computing. I still kept a desk up here, because we need to have all our business stuff at hand, instead of running downstairs, and I have my laptop up here. I didn't think I had it in me anymore to do those big moves, but man I loved it. I pushed and shoved furniture around, cleaned, vacuumed, took down the network, put it back together ...without screwing it up. I put little post it notes on some of the cords to the router and what not so I wouldn't forget where they all go, but I didn't need it. I was a computer genius.
I have to recommend more neighbours like I have to you.... I didn't have any Internet last night because I only hooked it up everything back up this morning.....but someone around here has a much better system than me, because my wireless laptop was so fast last night, I had to run around and try to catch it. I stole the Internet. I hope they don't mind. I could always see who was latching on to mine before I encrypted it (I think that is the word..I don't know)..her name was Karen, well Karen if you are reading this...PAYBACK!
I think I may have loosened some of my vertebrae...I seem to be leaning to the left a tad, not politically, only physically.
Then, today I decided to go out a buy a new Christmas Tree. What I decided on was a narrow prelate flocked tree. I like my men that way too. That was probably the attraction. Anywho. I couldn't find a "flocked" narrow tall Christmas tree, and I had a very short time line to do it in. Because, once I get something in my head...I HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT NOW! Well of course they didn't have a flocked one, but I found a narrow 7 footer prelit for 80.00 bucks~~ Score. Of course I had to carry this bastard from the cart to the truck, and from the truck to the house, and then set it up...WITHOUT INSTRUCTIONS... At this point all I could do was walk, nevermind twisting my body trying to put this thing together. But it was easy. Obviously those who put make these trees had my back. And you know, it's very pretty, it suits my living room so much better than the wide ones. I always had such a hard time re-arranging everything to suit the damn tree! He is a cutie. I think I will call him "Slim." I haven't decorated "Slim" yet, because of the aforementioned difficulties in moving one leg before the other, but once the pain killers take effect, I might just go back down and finish him off. heh...ah Slim, me manly Christmas tree.
I will take pictures once I get this all together. I am actually excited about Christmas, and last spring and summer I thought I would never be again. Hope springs eternal.
I can't believe I can actually see my dining room table with out my desktop, printer, scanner, monitor etc. on it. It looks so grown up. Mind you the table is a beautiful teak table, and the chair are cheapo whatever...they will do until we really grow up.
Gotta fly Desperate Housewife's is on. Spell check didn't work...whatyouseeiswhatyouget.