Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year to everyone..and blog-anniversary to me.

I started this bitch in 2004. That is a long time. 6 year of spewing my guts.

Waaaaaay back when the earth was still green. I never meant this to be diary of sorts...nor do I have Children to look at it for posterity. I just like to write. Put what ever is on my mind on the screen, and type out the shit that flows through that. And most of it is bullshit. heh.

Tomorrow, I am going through the achieves and find ....what I think is the best blog in each of those five years. So, be prepared for the links. If you need a nap in between them I will understand.

We are still in crisis mode here. Our WATERBED has sprung a leak. Those damn kids jumped on the bed at Christmas...and now it's leaking. Well, that is not the real story..about two weeks ago Gord jumped out of the bed in the middle of the night ...like his hair was on fire and woke me up and said I think I pissed the bed! I don't know why, but some reason we never suspected the bed. IT'S A WATERBED. Oy. At our age we might be pissing the bed..who knows. I don't have the old age manual.

Dumb. But we never saw anything until after Christmas...when Gord once again jumped out of the bed and thought he pissed himself. Then we had a clue.... Clue and Clueless then came to a decision that there was a hole in their waterbed. Children of the sixties... scary. You never know when you are getting a flash backs.

We put a patch on it this afternoon. It's only time that will tell if it works. We may not be sleeping in the same bed tonight in 2010. He, on the sofa and me in the backseat of my truck. Bastard.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL AND THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY B.S.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My Mom's

Christmas cactus bloomed on Christmas day. I have had it since 1999 and it bloomed ... maybe twice and not on Christmas day. And it only had one bloom. Asshole plant.


This year I had THREE blooms. Obviously I am not doing something right, but 3 blooms are better than none.



Monday, December 28, 2009

Good grief

I knew I was tired last night...but the typo's on my last post...were right out there!

Nevermind...I was tired to the bone but determined to write a post. Not such a good idea.

I slept until 10:30 this morning. I was pooped. After a few cups of coffee I got my mojo working again. I cleaned up the house. Lined up all the left overs in the fridge (from Christmas dinner) and shot them. After having two big dinners, one at my brother's on Christmas day and one at our house on the 26th. nothing in the fridge looked like something I would like to eat. Gord, on the other hand wants to eat nothing but those doughy dinner rolls that were left over. We have 12 more to go. He will wind up looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

We had a great time at my brothers house. Mind you, it was storming all day and I knew the roads were going to be shit. And they were. My niece totalled her car on the way to her boyfriends parent's house earlier in the morning...but fortunately she was not hurt.

Over there we had a traditional Ukrainian Christmas meal. Along with SIL's sister, husband and family. There was a lot of people and perogies. Ukrainians talk really loud so it was hard to be heard in any conversation. But, I'm pretty sure I yelled right over them. The food was fabulous. Especially a rolled crepe filled with cottage cheese, then covered with whipping cream, and baked. OMG

They took a family picture and for some reason I look like a stunned serial killer. Someone should have told me turn my frown upside down.

The guy lit up on the left is married to the blond in front of the Christmas tree....he just came in to have a fast meal, because he is a cop and didn't have time to take off his jacket because he was on a break. My brother took this picture so he isn't in it...damn. I'm the asshole on the right with my hands in my pockets. Gord of course is the guy with the Santa hat..in red..in the middle with his favorite niece Lisa. The badge on his hat reads " forget the bullshit..what's the discount?" I am sure he was wearing that when he bought my ring..heh. My other niece Cheri is the blond cutie on the top left with her boyfriend Shane. The rest are SIL's family along with the cop. SIL is the one sitting beside me.

The second day of Christmas: The Lutherans came over.

My favourite person was in attendance.. Gord's Tanta Tina...94 years old and is still drinking me under the table. Lot's of fun. Plus lot's of youngins.

I hid 35 pretend chocolate dollar coins all over the basement for the kids to find. I took them forever. So, that was good. My SIL and my nephews wife brought food so I didn't have much to do other than make the turkey and I still made too much crap. I forgot the dressing in the fridge I had made earlier.....and I got the "Joan..you are getting on in years look." Fuck that. You Lutheran's try getting a big dinner together...and then we will talk.

The 5 kids can't wait to get into my water bed. They love it. And I aways remind them..NO JUMPING! So every time I looked in the bedroom, two of the older one's were gently rocking the bed while the younger one's were sprawled out in the bed loving the rocking. The cousins love each other so much, it's so good to see. Usually kids fight...but not these girls. Probably because there isn't any males cousins in the family. I bet if there was a boy cousin, some shit would be happening. As it stands I think we have 5 lesbians. At least this way we can preserve the family name.

My water bed babies


We don't have a large closest in the front hall so everyone threw their jackets on our bed, and the kids were lying on all of them...oy!


Tanta Tina and Gordon. I love her. She is so funny, she cracks me right up.

Well that's all I got for tonight.

Remember what I said about ...no jumping on the water bed to the girls...well there is more to that story, but that will be left for another "wet" day.

balonie..over and out.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

So, this is Christmas...and what have we here...?

You could have knocked me over with a feather, I was astounded. Gord? buying ME a ring? A George Foreman grill I could understand....but THIS.

I lost the diamond on my engagement ring earlier this year, and he was like.." it was old"... and who cares. So I went to Walmart and bought myself a Cubic Zirconia for 20.00 bucks, because my original wedding band split in half about two years ago, and I was ringless. And I just hated it when guys kept hitting on me and thought I was single. It's tuff being a couger.

But you have to hear the story.

We have friends that lived beside years ago in our old house. They moved away 25 years ago, and we have kept up a tradition of sending out newsletters to each other and calling on Christmas eve.

First, to explain... In my newsletters I always complained that Gord bought me crap for Christmas, and usually it was Turkey Roaster, heated car seats, and yes, he did buy a lot of computer shit I wanted...but nothing personal..ever. Tunney, our friend, always gives his wife really cool stuff, so I was always jealous.. It was on going joke over the years.

So, this year when I wrote our newsletter, I told them I had lost my diamond in my engagement ring and wished for a replacement. And then joked around...saying..yeah rite...I'm only going to get a George Foreman grill.

They called us early on Christmas eve because they had to go to their son's house, and we weren't at home, so they left a message. In that message, Tunney joked around and said "Gord for God's sake get your wife a diamond ring"!

What I haven't told you yet, is that Gord never saw the newsletter I sent to Tunney and his wife.

When Gord got home later in the evening I told him Tunney had left a message on the answering machine. Gord was sitting in his recliner in front to the TV having a drink and I handed him the phone and he was listening to the message...and I was in the kitchen getting supper going. He listened to the message...and he turned kind of silent after that...and asked why Tunney was asking about a diamond ring....and I told him what I had said that in the newsletter as a joke as I do every year. His wife always gets bling...I get blong. Gord looked a little confused. But I really didn't notice it too much. He just kept on asking me what I wanted for Christmas....and all I could muster up was one of those digital picture frames....which....ummm I didn't really want. I have everything I need.


Then on:

Christmas morning ...after we got up....we went downstairs...with our coffee's and a very excited dog who knows it is Christmas morning...and who has been seated beside her Christmas stocking for two weeks and has to be carried manually up the stairs to go to bed.

Gord opened the boring presents I got him, the dog pissed her pants with the turtle that had two balls inside it's shell which she had to break out. Then it was my turn. He kept on asking me what I thought it was. I had no clue. It wasn't the picture frame...because it was too small. And it was soft. We did the guessing game for two seconds, before I ripped it open. The box was stuffed with "my towels" that I never saw went missing. And at the bottom of it was a little box.

I didn't even get it then.

I opened it..and then there was another box..a jewellery type box...in my head I was going WTF... and when I opened that one...I lost it. I started to cry...balonie doesn't do crying... too much. It's the ring I would have picked... I love wide bands, I love white gold..

Plus he gave me a Wacom pen for Scrapbooking......oy...I think he still likes me.

I never thought he would have cared about my sadness when I lost the diamond to my engagement ring. This ring will do double duty for both rings..engagement and wedding ring. I'ts such a nice wide band. I'm not a person who wears jewellery so it's all good.

So that's my story.

Tomorrow I will regale you with the Christmas tales at my brother's home, and Christmas with the Lutheran's we had here yesterday. I have the next week off, so I got a lot tales to tell.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Showing off my lack of photography knowledge base

I put my Christmas village in the fireplace. Now you know I am on my way to the funny farm. Do you see my mom's Christmas cactus on the right. For the first time since she died it is blooming like crazy...but not on the side you can see...damit. The buds are just little, but it's so cool that they bud off the leaf.
I tried a night pic..failed.....carry on.


That is Ben the moose my niece gave me many Christmas's ago. He is the gate keeper for all the presents under the tree. You can see how diligent he looks....tail in the air...stalking preditors...while all the time he was only taking a dump. Ben!...my man...




Tree stuff... I bought these years ago a Wal Mart...and I love them. I twist them all over the tree. Because ummm I am twisted. But you know that.





Talk about twisted.... My tree top. With some shiny gold wheat... I loved the look. My Angel got tired of me a few years back and flew away. It might have been all the swearing I did when I put the lights on. She just took off with a letter of resignation.





I have about 6 of these that I spread through the tree... they are so very cute. Phoney looking, yes..but cute.





My deer, which I have had since we got married. He has a broken back leg, but you don't know that. I tuck him in the handicapped part of the tree.






I have had this little family forever. There feathers and nest are getting a little frayed looking...but the momma still looks after her chicks at Christmas time.




Well look at that mess. I didn't get the top on the picture, plus a row of those fucking prelit lights went out near the bottom. See the dark part? I just about shit myself yesterday, and no amount of tapping and twisting can make them come back on. I spit in the maker of prelit trees face. On the left is my little skating pond. I should have turned it on...it looks a little drab. It's beautiful when it's lit up...and all the skaters go round and round. My SIL gave this to me last Christmas.

So, there you have it. Christmas at the Twisted!


The company I work for just moved to a new building on Monday. They used to rent from us..Gordon and myself. We owned the building and they rented a portion of it for the last 12 years. We have four other tenants in the building.
The company has grown so much in the last ten years and they needed more space, so we moved down the street to a brand new building....it's huge. It's beautiful. The company cheeped out on everything in the old building and now we have this huge building with "real office furniture" instead of cast off's that we had before........... I have a huge real receptionist desk...I have a room for all my files....I have "pot" lighting overhead. I have carpets that haven't seen a thousand boot tracks by messy electricians. We have a real lunch room, we have a conference room, we have TWO bathrooms...Men's and Joan's....I will now no longer have smell their shit after they came back from the restaurant next door after breakfast. Phewww. It wafted into the office. They never shut the door and put on the fan OMG. And don't get me going on flushing the urinal.
I was so used to the conditions of the old building, I didn't even realize that things could be better. Not that I minded it, it was what it was.
So, I was sitting at my new desk today, close to closing time looking at all the stuff around me and marvoring at all the new stuff that I will only be able to enjoy for another 4 months. I had a real desk, and customers had brought in flowers, cards and chocolates that could be displayed on my front desk. It was like going from pampers to big girl pants. Also it was like ...I'm not sure how to say this...but like a real job. I felt the need to dress up a bit. Before jean's were the staple because it was dirty and I was always in the warehouse doing crap. Now everything is clean. So far.
I know, I'm still a little bitter....but fuck..... I'm going to miss all the good stuff.







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Saturday, December 19, 2009

Sorry I was not too clear

About my end date. No, it's not February but that is was I realized he was shooting for before I told him I need April to meet my pension requirements. And he agreed to that. So, that's all good.



We had our company Christmas party yesterday, kinda bittersweet knowing you won't be there next year. I made sure I didn't have more than a few glasses of wine because I was afraid I would start shooting my mouth off....and I don't need that right now.



I got all my Christmas shopping done! Plus I bought myself the best ever coat. Well, it's not really a coat .. coat. It's a jacket coat. Mid length I guess is what I'm trying to say. It is a "Joan" coat. Yes it has a hood. Everything I have has a hood. I even have hooded scarves. I can't find p.j's with a hood. I hate that. But this coat is everything I have been looking for years. It's black, it's suede..ish soft, it has a hood with fat fur trim, it has a belted back, and it has fur cuffs on the sleeves. Think Dr. Zhivago. It's sort of A- line and makes me look like I have a waist. I almost typed waste. Freudian slip. It' s just damn cute.

shhhhh ... nobody type too loudly in your comments...Gord is sleeping on his recliner...the dog is sleeping on the sofa.. and I have the "fireplace channel on." Yes ... it has logs burning and Christmas carols playing. Normally we would be downstairs but I changed up the fireplace this year with candles instead of a fire going.. Why...you ask? Because Gord and I have this thing about fires in the fireplace. We haven't been burning wood for a long time, and have been using the phoney logs. You know the one's ..filled with wax and bird droppings... and you can get them at Costco for 5.00 bucks.

When my... or his family comes over at Christmas....and because I am busy cooking I give him the job to look after the fire. That decision has cost us a lot of waxing fumes wafting throughout the house. For some reason when I tell him, you have to let the first log to peeeeter out, and then throw on the next log... BEFORE YOU FUCKING BURN THE HOUSE DOWN WITH THE OTHER TWO YOU HAVE THROWN ON . I have been pretty clear about this for about 10 years...and nothing has changed.

When all the kids grow up they will always remember the smell of wax in our house. Just like turkey... would be to normal people. They will remember those two old farts alway's arguing about the fireplace. "Remember the time Auntie Joanie... yelled WTF are you doing..to Uncle Gordon when he was stoking a fire as big as a bonfire in their house." What a legacy we leave to these children! We are assholes....but the kids seem to like us anyway.

I just got two calls, SIL is bringing the mashed potato casserole, plus her mom's fruit salad...I love her mom's salad. My niece is bringing a Flan for dessert.... I love flans.....So yay...It's just me and the turkey... veggies, ham, dressing..and all the rest of the shit....

I can't wait.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's all somewhat okay

When the headmaster sat me down and talked to me in a very quite tone....almost like he wanted to calm me down before I took a hatchet to his head. He said "Joan, we need to know what you want." You are a very important part to our company. I,in turn said "I didn't know I had a choice." I said, "you start first." Because I wanted to the the bottom line before I made any choices.

The ball was in his court.

In his monotone voice, he agreed and rambled on for ten minutes telling me how great I am, and what a good employee I am (was), and tried to schmooze me. And then he told me that I will be paid for two months salary after they let me go as is the company policy. Then he said that I would probably be let go at the end of February.

I told him I was not happy with that. Because my boss told me I would be let go at the end of April... and I have everything set up to go from that date forward. With my pension plans etc. He almost jumped off his chair..I guess my boss didn't tell him that.

Then,in his monotone voice....he said " no problem Joan" ...we are here to help you through this blah blah da blah

Fuck off you are. I said in my head.

I already knew he was looking for February. Anyway, that's the end of it.

So that's where this pile of bullshit lays...in my flower bed where new flowers will florish next spring and I will have the time to take care of them.

Let's get it on. I'm ready.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tomorrow is the day

When the big guy gives me the news.
In our business layoffs are part of the trade. Electricians are only kept as long as we have jobs to give them. But in our company, they really do try to keep everyone as long as they have work for them. Even if we have to lay someone off during a dry spell, they can collect employment insurance until we need them again. Most stay and wait out the dry spell. A very dedicated group of employees. They treat us well. And it shows. As far as I can remember no one has quit our company.

So, really...I am not bitter. I would have preferred to "hang up my skates"...on my own steam later this year after I turned 65, but I can see where they are coming from ..as a business.
Combining my job with the other job, the new guy has been hired for will give him a full time job. As it was before, that position didn't have enough to do... nor did I. I had tons of spare time. Value wise...yes I have all 15 years of it in my head...and I can pull a file out as fast as you can blink your eye if you need it. I can do a lot of shit..but so will he once he gets the hang of it. No one is indispensable. I get that. Why pay two people to do what one can. It's business. If I had been 20 years younger I would have tried to do both those jobs, but I don't have that ambition anymore.
So, tomorrow, I will put my best face forward and accept whatever they want to give me.

I really have faith that they will not screw me around. I really do.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Christmas makes me crazy



HO HO HO....look who dropped down the chimney a little early. Santa Baby. Angel man has met his match. I'm kinda in love with him.

Still having problems with my camera...I can't take a decent night shot. And if I shoot it with the flash it doesn't look Christmassy...yaknow...whine. I tried ever dang setting. This new camera was going to do it all...well shit.








That's my narrow little Christmas tree that fits between the couch and the windows in the front. Very blurry...When I retire I'm going to get a good SLR camera and learn how to use it. I don't care if it is heavy...but I need .. or want a camera that will take a night pic. My very first digital camera was an HP. And it took wonderful low light pictures, but I guess that was in the day when the speed was slow ... and of course it looked better. But with the new one's ..even with the flash turned off, and all the adjustments made to shoot at night..is crap.
Oh well, I'm tuckered right out. I spent today Christmas shopping and I managed to get every gift for everyone on my list in three hours....yes 3 hours. ummm except for Gordon...that one will take me a little while. He's very hard to shop for...so I might not get him nothing at all, depends if he is naughty or nice.:) And I bought it all for nothing. I bought 250.00 dollars worth of presents for ...almost zero. Mind you I don't have many people to buy for, but shit. We shop at Superstore for most of our groceries and you get points for all your shopping. I save mine until the end of the year and go Christmas shopping because they have everything in that store. I found something for everyone that I knew they would like, and I am very happy.
The reason for going there today was to use up our points. When I got to the cashier and asked her to cash in my points...she said I only a 25.00 dollars. My heart dropped to my feet. WTF. Did they have a policy change and didn't notice? Then she swiped my card again...and it came up 250.00 dollars...phew.... plus I had enough purchases to get a 25.00 gift card for the store...score. It didn't all even out because I had bought some extra stuff, but in the end I only paid about 20.00 bucks. But I still have the 25.00 gift card. Plus I have a turkey in the freezer Gord got from a customer.....and hey nothing like a cheap Christmas! Now I can spend more on goodies for Christmas than I would have before.
Big boss is coming in this week to tell me what my "fuck off"package will be. That should be interesting. Plus we are moving to a new building on the 21st. Oy...balonie no like so much change in such a little time.
Too much going on.










Thursday, December 10, 2009

Oh Taunnenbaum


Du pissiest me off.

Diene prelit lites macht me nuz. Vats mit the lights?..von moment lights dan da next nuttink.

Ich bein kind of mad at you.

Torrorrow, you might see you ass in a snow bank.

Love balonie

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Face off..with Face book

I think this is my very favourite..evar...

I have this thing about facebook. It's bugging the crap outta me. In order not to sound like a complaining old fart I should just say most of the people on my facebook are much younger than me, mostly nieces, nephews, cousins, friends and friends of friends...etc. Lot's of youngins and some blogger friends. It's a match made in hell.

Most of my friends..my age (including youse guys) manage to say, what you what to say in a sentence or two. It is perfectly clear. eg. "I went to the mall today again and had sex with one of the security guards." Remember the cute guy I was talking about?" Then later we had lunch. Hey, I can understand that. I remember the guy you talked about, and I now know you had sex with him. Done.

But, that is not how it works out in my face book. Kids! They talk in "text." They assume you know ..what the freaking hell they are talking about.

I will give you a few examples: I am changing the names.

Liza: 30 more days!

Huhhh... thirty more days to what? How do you comment on shit like that?

Joan: Until you next period?

Liza: No, until Christmas you idiot.

Well, hells bells, why didn't I think of that! Like help me out here. What is this shit, a big freaking guessing game.

Bear: 3 more days!

Joan: Is your insurance going to expire? Three days..what in the hell are you talking about? She left me guessing even though I asked. I later found out she went to Cancun. This is my niece. ahem.

And those that just say..I just ate an apple. What!!

Joan: check you stool in the morning to make sure it digested properly... I didn't really need to know that...

Or: I just got a haircut.

Joan: Okay, did you like it?

OY..for God's sake finish the sentence....Please...take it to the next level.

My next Facebook entry will be:
I just took a dump.

I will not reveal the outcome.

Because no one gives a shit!

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

My Penny

This was originally an animated picture...and all their tails were wagging. I couldn't make em wag again. And I think the snow was falling as well. I screwed up all the animation probably by saving it as a JPEG...anyway I have had this little gem in my achieves for many a moon.

It's so pretty. One of my favourites.

The temperatures in my part of the world have fallen ... like a rock. I can't believe I was outside in a summer jacket about a week ago....and this week my ass froze to the picnic table while I was playing with Penny. BTW, every evening after work I throw the ball from the picnic table and she fetches it and brings it back. Then she eats her supper (kibble) on the picnic table. She love's eating outside. And then we cuddle for awhile and play again. While I look at my watch.....okay then playtime is over...I tell her to get that ball back in the house, and she does. She runs up the handicapped ramp we made for her condition...back on to the deck and in the house.

Now I have to get her to figure out the inside playtime routine in the house. She has been good, we just have do a winter version of it. I throw the ball down into the living room...which is in the lower level...I do this.. maybe once... because of her condition...and then hide the ball upstairs .....fifty fucking times. She never gets tired of finding the ball. I can hide that squeaky ball in the same place 50 times and when she finds it...it's as surprising and as it was in the first place. It never gets old. She is a hunter....and when she finds it ...she comes out strutting with it..and chews on the squeaky ball and makes it sing. She can make it sing, and it sounds like VICTORY. Man I love that little bitch.

Monday, December 07, 2009

I will have a new Christmas scene from today until you throw up.


Donna, thanks for the Christmas card...it was so cute. And I can see how teeny weenie your snowmen are up South. You must have gathered up so many little snowflakes to make him. Just for me. ahhhh sweet.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Getting it on

I'm getting into the swing of things. I got the tree up today, the pre lit tree, the narrow ugly pre lit tree I bought last year. It looks like a bean pole. I don't recall what possessed me to buy it, but I'm sure it's in my archieves. I don't want to look in that hole. Ahhh, yes I remember....it just came to me I brought down the huge wall unit to the living room from upstairs...that was it...and low and behold ..no room for das "OH Tannenbaum." Then I bought this bean pole. Well I have since moved a few things around, and beanie...just didn't fit into this years plans. But I did find a place between two windows in a corner of the living room.



Well, I hate that. I have enough decorations for both the front and back of the tree. But I don't want to. That means decorating the tree before you put it in it's place....and then moving it back...very gently into it's corner. It's always gets fucked up. What you imagined is the front of the tree, now is the side of the tree by the time you wiggle it back into the corner. And then "It's on." Pushing, twisting, shit falling off the tree on your head....oy.



Last Christmas was long time ago. I could not figure out how to plug all the lights together on my PRELIT Christmas tree. I think I have a hernia. I was on the floor looking for all those little plugs that plug together into the big plug. I had a few woodstock moments. I found three, and plugged them all into the Big Momma plug...yet the bottom lights were not lit. ...as I was writhing on the floor under the tree searching for that elusive plug... while there, I found spider webs on the bottom window sills...with dead flys in them. I found the plug at long last. My head was full of spider webs.


Apparently this is a room I have not been paying too much attention to during the summer. We never live there. So.... I tried to get up. I had been down there on my back and knees for about 20 minutes. I was stiff...and couldn't find anything to hold on to prop myself up with. I could see my dog sitting on the upper level of the house watching me flail like a fish out of water.....her ears all perked up....ready for the kill....heh...just kidding...she would have tried to help me if I would have strapped on her doggie cell phone and got her to dial woof 911.


I bummed my way to the sofa ...and propped myself up...and finally got up. Then I looked behind the sofa...well holy moly ... more spider webs.... I got out my vac and cleaned all that shit out. I need to retire and clean my house. If I let it go it could be considered as a part of the world wide "web."



I made my world wide famous Mac and Cheese casserole tonight.....eat your hearts out... so good.





I bid you farewell.... dessert is coming...

Friday, December 04, 2009

My pic's sucked donkey balls

I tried to take them, but they are so ugly I can't show them. I need more snow on the ground to create a reflection. It's just too dark for my camera...or I am stupid and don't know who to make it better? I'll check my settings tomorrow. damit to hell.

One hundred and forty six sleeps until I retire. one.hundred.and.forty.six days until I can wear my PJ's all day if I want to. Gord of course will never retire...it's not in his genes. His dad worked until the day he died, and his older brother still works at the age of 67 because he loves what he does. So, that makes me feel like a bit of a slacker....and I know I will feel the need to do something else. But that something else will be what I want it to be.

I have a few irons in the fire for some type of business which may or may not pan out... a girl can try. If not...screw it, I'll put my PJ's back on. I am getting very excited about this "not working shit"...so I took a day off work this week, because ..hey I needed a mental health day....I never do shit like that, but I see more of them in my future before they kick my ass out the door. 14 years of my life I gave to them, and they just couldn't see me through to my 65th birthday and into my Canada Pension. I am pissed and I am also happy...I don't know which way to smile. Turn my bum sideways...

I will meet with the big wigs in the first week of January to see what they are going to offer me for a compensation package. Like I have choice...we don't have anything written in stone for that kind of thing. But, I have a few things I will bring to the table that might make them take notice.

I have nothing to loose anymore.

balonie...is a little upset with all this shit and wishes it was over and done with.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

No Snow..no pic's damit

But Penny and I spent a lot of time in the back 40..in the dark trying to make a Magical Christmas tree out of lights. Damn that tree. The tree I have the lights on does not have huge branches, it's a small Cherry tree and has spindly branches. It's hard doing it outside ... and when I get back up on the deck it looks different than it did when I was standing in the garden looking at it....it's all about the angles. SOB

Give me a day or two..... whether the snow comes or not...I'm going to take a picture of it. Gord's is really ...umm should we say booooring.....but hey....even if you vote for him...I win ... because I helped him..yup. I'm a beotch. I guess we all knew this.

Monday, November 30, 2009

I'm not the Pioneer Woman

Someone emailed me today and asked me to promote UGG boots on my blog. Okay..what are UGG boots?....I have no idea. Who would name boots UGG? Who would want to buy something called UGG? Like in maybe.... UGGLY. She obviously does not know how out of touch I am, and probably did not read my stats.

But if you guys want to buy boots, I say...go to Wal Mart and git yerself a pair of knock off's. I didn't even google UGG boots...I want to stay uninformed.

I have a nice pair of boots, which I will probably need to wear tomorrow..cause de snow she is a coming big time.

I should probably try them on because of my feet growing problem mit da ole age thing. UGG I hate to think about that. Maybe I should try to score a free pair...but for some reason I think they are fashion boots.....but .... I didn't google it and I won't. I like my own little UGGly world.

Yesterday I spoke of my impatience when Gord and I do things together. What I didn't tell you is that decorating the back yard was my job. After he left I got the lights, hammer, nails and proceeded to do the fence in the back yard. Clear the decks...here I come.

I had such a good time.

I dropped the hammer on Penny's head a few times...because she seems to need to be a foot behind me at all times when I am in the garden. I don't think any brain cells were damaged.

I measured everything by "eye." It works for me. I didn't have a plan but as I was working on it, it all worked out for some reason. Tonite I had to make a few adjustments... hell ..it's not a work of art...but it's pretty cool. I will take a pictures of it tomorrow after I work out the bugs....now who is the perfectionist? It's supposed to snow tomorrow, so pictures of the front and back will look prettier.

But, being the arsehole I am...I want you to vote on who's lights look better..mine or Gord's. and no...you won't win a pair of UGGly boots. But I have an old mix master in the cupboard if you want it.

Until tomorrow.....ummm okay...but I will give away a pair of new men's slippers that don't fit me..if you let me win. shhh...I know. I'm a little bit on the competitive side.

balonie...as ever

Sunday, November 29, 2009

A miracle happened

We put up the outside Christmas lights ...without a fuss. Well not much..but hey...this set a record. We don't work well together as a rule. My problem is...I have no patience for shit. Throw the damn lights on the bushes and call it a day! He is a perfectionist. And just watching him put everything in the right order makes my liver quiver. All I can think about is all the other stuff I have to do on my day off.

Today, I decided to shut my big trap. I slowly and methodically handed him the lights he had untangled and put in a pattern on the lawn to make it easier to figure out where they should go. Normally, I would ummm.. make suggestions...like...wouldn't just be easier to do whatever needed to be doing. Then it was game on! I know which button to press. But I do it anyway...but today I did not press any buttons. I was a Stepford Housewife. It silently killed me. But for the sake of our neighbours I kept my big mouth shut. They have seen enough when I was bossing him around last week with those damn leaves. Jeez I was a bitch.

I can't help myself. God give me patience. Hopefully I will enjoy putting up the lights, having Christmas dinners here for the family once I retire and take the time to do things right. As it is now, I rush through everything. Trying to find a minute for my own. It will come soon.

Friday, November 27, 2009

This is my reality of Angel Man

He's got a pretty cute bum...and the boots are a nice touch.

Yeah, I know I do this every year too. I love this picture...because THAT is Gordon's bum. And no....the crack does not show when he bends down and is dressed. He wears a belt. And NO..he is not an Angel either...that is why I think those wings were photo shopped. But he is bullheaded enough to do something like this if push came to shove. So in essence this could be Gord. But in reality this is the only way he would shovel snow from out driveway.



Cross you fingers...after that unfortunate little squall we had about a month ago we haven't had any snow....and it seems weird. I just can't imagine winter without snow. But it will come, and I will bitch about driving in it again. I really love winter, a fresh blanket of snow covers all that brown fall mess up. A new beginning....

Until it gets colder ..damit..it turns to slush...and all that brown mess mixes with the white stuff....and it looks like someone shit all over your world. Then it freezes ... the very morning you go to work. No one is prepared. And we slip slide away......................it's like bumper cars at an amusement park. You get a "rush"...and try to dodge them. And when you get to work...you high five everyone...and tell them about carnage you saw on the streets.

That will come next week. And by then we will have figured out how to drive on icy roads again.

I will enjoy putting up all my lights outside on my big cedar bushes. So much to do..so little time. yikes...

I can't wait to retire..... and to be able to do so many things that I have to do on the weekend now.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

He is back...


Angel Man.... how I missed you over the summer months. I missed your feathers and your umm loin cloth diaper thing you have goin on.
Let the holidays begin!
I do this every year...so if you a new to this site....you are going to see more of him before Christmas.
I lent him to my friend Donna today... I hope she didn't wear him out. I can't say what he might be looking like when I get him back, because she's a southern girl...and they are known for tuckering out angel men. Donna..leave something for me..girl.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Well it's only been about a week

And my feet have not grown. Pheww. But my eyebrows and nose hairs seem to have some kind of growth spurt. I am documenting this for posterity. Because I really what to know when it was in my (Yawn) my golden years when shit springs out of me for no good reason. My chin hairs have actually settled down. I was getting kind of worried about that ... where did they go? We were just getting to be buddies. Long buddies, that I missed them in the mirror before I went to work. I think the chin hairs had a meeting with the upper lip hairs and said "let's do her a favour and make her a moustache she will never forget. Gawd. HAIR, make up your mind where you wanna go...or I'm going to sic my hormones on you.... ummm maybe that is what happened.


I think I might change the name of my blog to It's Always Something Old"....


I just got the papers from the Government of Manitoba..officially telling me I will be a senior citizen next October, along with all the documentation to fill out.


Holy shit! I wake up in the morning to see my husbands white...I was going to say ... head of hair..beside me .....but that's only the back of his head...Ha.. I see my face in the mirror, and think... hey I can fix this. But I can't. So you know what...screw it. It is what it is. I'm going to stop dwelling on this. deal?

Okay, on to other stuff.

So far, I don't have the swine flu...so that's a good thing. Finally after 3 weeks of clinic's around the city fucking us around with ...whether you are eligible or not to be on the priority list for the shot, and if they had enough medication that day..blah blah blah... People were panicked. It was crazy. God help us if it's something more important......and I'm not getting the shot. I will take my chances. It's not a pandemic...it's a panicdemic. Arseholes.


And if this decision gets me dead...... name your favourite pig after me.

I might be needing a total ovehaul when I git to 65. My vagina is getting kinda loose...my favourite part...me and her have had a good ride. I hope she doesn't fall out when I'm not looking. I haven't taken an odometer reading on her lately...but I bet she has got a lot of miles on her. Sometimes I feel sorry for her. She made so many bad decisions.

Okay..enough of this assholeishness....I think I might have a brain injury. You be the judge.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Apparently my feet are growing

What in the hell is going on with that?

I have been size 8 since I was in my twenties. This last year I can't get those big old hoofers in a size 8. I tried 8 and a half....still a little snug...Finally it got to the point to ...ummm let's try on a 9. Well, as much as I didn't want to believe it...they fit just right.

But my shoes look like boats. I no like. No likey at all. I watch my feet walk in front of me like pontoons. I guess over the years I must have flattened those sucker out, walked too much and made them bigger. I made my feet bigger! I knew I should have spent more time on the computer.

This brings to me to my shopping trip today to get new slippers. I love slippers. I wear those suckers out in a few months. eg. I should spend more time on the computer. Remember when I bought men's slippers when I couldn't find womenfolkkind one's. I damned near killed myself tripping over those big soles. Sometimes I wonder what I think before I flash my mastercard in front of the cashier. Really. What's your take on this?

I don't like shopping, so this is part of the problem. But today, I bought another pair of Men's slippers. I know. But the women's slippers were sooooo.. pink and down right ugly. I need me some working slippers..slippers that will take me in and outside of my house without crying....ohhh lord we are too pretty to work in the yard slippers. I don't like changing my shoes 30 times a day for every occasion. Now I got me some hefty rawhide slippers with a nice cozy fuzzy lining and a good sole.

So, when the dog has to go out in winter, I won't fall on my ass when I go on the deck....because my slippers have a "soul"...heh... they won't let me fall.

When I retire:
I will put on my man slippers....and get comfy... build a fire in the fireplace , and get the dog beside me on the sofa....... buy a Kindle...and download all the books I missed reading when I was too busy working. I'm all about technology. The Kindle just became available to Canada last week..

Now it's time for soup. Gord has a cold.

Now go about your business.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Remember our little rental house?

It was sort of trashed after the last tenant left....and now she is looking fine. I just got back from it after spending the day cleaning up after the trades left. I am full of mud dust, spider webs, I smell like Spic and Span...and I can hardly walk. Gord made me help him lift a stacking dryer to the top shelf above the washer. All I have to say about that is ...he is crazy in the head. First I refused. But then we did a test. Or he made me do a test. He lifted the dryer on top of a garbage can and asked it if could pick up my side approximately three feet over that. I made it to a foot, and he looked at me like I was the worlds biggest loser.

WHAT... a sixty four year old woman cannot lift a small dryer OVER her head? A woman who does nothing more strenuous than typing on her computer and light housework? The same woman you guilted into raking leaves this morning in the front yard even though we PAY people to that in the spring!...because the snow had not arrived on time to hide them from the neighbours?

We finally got the dryer up on the top shelf. Gord stuck his head in the dryer and lifted it up with his shoulder while I called upon all the Lutheran's in world to put him on their prayer list. I had his back, as soon as he got it up a few feet I could grab my side and help lift it up to the top. sonofabitch. Once it was up on the shelf he still had to attach the venting.....so we moved it sideways on the shelf, and I had to perch one side of it on my shoulder and hold it while he connected it. Ouch. I am sure my left shoulder will be forever lower than my right one. I will dragging my left hand on the ground.. like a Zombie.

Then he MADE me wash all the mud dust off the floors with a MOP even after he vacuumed them. The flooring guys are coming tomorrow and God forbid they encounter a speck of mud dust.

He was such a slow vacumner....Good grief I had most of floors washed way before he had them vacuumed.... so we were in a sense doing it all backwards....he just couldn't keep up with me. By the time I left to go home to make supper...he was giving me the evil eye. I figure he could get all OCD there without me so I left. I have no patience for that kind of shit. He has to get into ever nick and crannie ...and ohhhhhhhhhhhmygod....I just was just jumping out of my skin.

But, the house will look good. It has been a long project, with one contractor pulling out on us..and leaving us with a half finished job...but it's coming along just fine. Once the carpeting and tiles and baseboards are down, it will look like a nice home again. I found some of the original wallpaper in there...and it's kind of fun to think about the people who lived there before we bought it.

In a couple of weeks when it will be mostly finished I will do the before and after pic's. You won't believe it. From trash to cash...I hope.

It's a sweet little place.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Memories

I don't have a lot to report most days...but I thought I will take a memory of an event of whathehellever...and post it for the next few days.

You know how thoughts of days gone by randomly flow through your mind. At a red light, where and whenever. I do this all the time. Something triggers it. Some of them are good and some are just scary.

For some reason today while I was out on the deck schmoozing with the dog, who of course was ON the picnic table ... for purely reachable reasons..so she can lick my nose and be the alpha dog she is. Plus she can see the landscape. She is short. Dammit.

Anyway, for some reason coffee cups with letters on them came to my mind. I don't know why. Funny that.

When we bought our second house...way back in time, it had been totally renovated, and it was a old house with new innards. I loved this house. Except I didn't like the the wall paper in the living room...flocked red and silver wall paper. The Italian dream . So, I took that down in short order. And replaced it with a "wall mural"...remember those? I still love them. Anyway, I replaced it with a mural of a "glowing sunset"..... the entire wall. My sofa was rust, all my furniture was rustic looking...it was beautiful. I bought new lamps and put amber bulbs in them to make it look ...ummm rustic. We glowed. We didn't have a fireplace, so when winter came around I would turn on the weather station that had a fireplace on it. It was so life like..ha...

Okay, I am getting away from the coffee cups...man I loved that little house.

Kitchen/dining room was nice. It was at the back of the house. That is where everyone would come into the house because that is where you parked your car.

It had a nice little counter where we put bar stools around and everyone could it sit there overlooking the kitchen and the dining room was just behind it. It was small but very comfortable.

I was always redecorating and putting in new stuff.

One day when I was at K Mart. I saw they had cups. Cups with letters on them. Like J. for Joan..etc. My mind went a little crazy...and I went and bought 7 cups and seven cup holders to put underneath my kitchen cabinet. You have to remember in those days I was a bit of a rebel....plus an asshole...I bought 7 cups that spelled Fuck You. Yup, and we laughed our asses off. I actually went to the counter at K Mart two or three times because I didn't want them to catch on what I was trying to spell.

I put the cups under the cabinet. Neatly arranged to say Fuck You when our friends arrived. Our friends thought it was hilarious when they came over. I only forgot one thing.

Mom and Dad

Oy

You never saw the balonie scramble fast enough to to rearrange those ..cups....

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I think I know the problem

I cannot spell electrician. heh. That is probably one of the words you should spell right when you work for one. I think I was a little over wrought last night.

Thanks for your good wishes.

I was okay with everything until I went to bed....and started to cry.. damit! I guess the day was just a little too much for me.

But today, I'm fine. I have Plan A. No, I'm not going to put poison in their Kool Aid. It's the old "work to rule." My boss has been kissing my ass all day...and I wish he would stop it. I know it wasn't his decision alone....and I know he feels really bad. But not bad enough to hire his son in law, when the opportunity presented itself. Without yelling "nepotism" I will silently "work to rule"..... and yeah if you know me at all, I will take on anything they throw at me, because I never like to let anyone down. So, plan A is fucked.

So, lets just get on with it. Another chapter of my life is opening up, and I should embrace it.

But then, why do I feel I have fucked over/up/ and sideways? Because I have been.

I'm not over this shit just yet.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Monday..today it's about me.

Monday Monday, can't trust that day,

Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way

Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be.

Remember when I heard the little warning signs about my job? Ummm yup, they are phasing it out as of April 30th. 2010. No, I am not being replaced as such. They (head office) are incorporating my job into another guys job. A new guy. They let the last guy go, because he didn't have enough to do, so I guess they figured...let's give this new guy all Joan's shit. If it doesn't make sense, don't worry, I don't get it either. But our office will not have a reception desk. Men will man it all. After all it's men's work to be electricaians ....they don't need no womanfolk messing with that ELECTRICITY.
I have 3 months to train him, plus he has to be trained by Man 2: for the other jobs.

I was stunned.

Here is the shit kicker..... Sit down and get yerself a glass of whiskey my friends. The new guy is his son in law. Who fathered 4 children with his daughter in 6 years without a real steady job. And I think they are only about 26 years old. They are very nice Mennonite people...but good lord.

I don't know why he chose him for the new job opening .... well yes, I do. I guess the family has to eat. When head office decided to "streamline" our office I had to go anyway....and I guess I don't feel that bad because I really don't want four young children to go hungry.

But, before you start to get feeling sorry for me.....the upside is I can retire now. YES. Seriously. I was a little shocked. I have not felt bad about this at all. When my boss told me this this morning ...I was "all" yay..and was surprised at who was going to take my place. I wanted to tell my boss that he made a terrible error hiring his son in law...because ..oh boy. That is going to be a shit show....but that's for them to work out.

Really, this works out perfectly.

I can start to collect my CPP pension and get Employment insurance benfits ..plus they are going to give me a package to compensate me. I don't know what that is yet. And this will all take me to 65 next October....when I get the CHEQUE.... I have worked for my whole life for . To do sweet fuck all.

I will kiss my 15 year job GOOD BYE.... I will kiss anything...at this point I am happy happy happy, I didn't have to make the decision....it was made for me...

I have such mixed feelings...I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I think I need a hug.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Look what I did again....and about Kat

I will never ever make up my mind. Kinda cute. And maybe over the top...whatever. That's the way I roll.

I found a ton of Christmas templates, so get ready. And I don't care if they are tacky, if it makes the balonie happy...let's just do it!

Joanie balonie has been out of sorts lately, and kind of sad for her blogger friend Katerina who in the hospital in Calgary fighting cancer. She was just at my house last summer and we were having such a good time, but now things have changed so drastically I have no words.

I feel so helpless being so far away..thousands of miles away...and can't even stop to visit, bring a rose, or bring something to her. Mostly me...and feed her my balonie shit and laugh. She makes me laugh my ass off...I love the give and take between the two of us. I am her mothers age, but that has never been an issue.

You know, one time she told me I was a "raisin" two bad perms away from being dead! HA!! She slays me. She will hate my new template...and sometimes I think I only used to change it to piss her off.... so I think we are even.

Love you Kat!

Friday, November 06, 2009

Fryday

Just checking in.

Not to much happening.

Bought new cartridges for my printer..duh

Got supper in the oven...spaghetti pie...eat your hearts out....

Played in the backyard with my Penny. I made huge piles of leaves in the backyard ...and she loves it. It's her nest. And then I hide the ball in it. OMG life for her could not get any better. Seek and find.

We are having the best weather ever for this time of year.

I think Gord will be on the motorcycle again tomorrow.... probably the last day trip of the year for him and his bro. Normally we would have had snow by now.

That is all. Carry on.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Someone left a large kotex on my door knob

I guess they don't call it Kotex anymore do they? Well whatever it was ...was hanging on my front door tonight when I came home from work in a tidy plastic bag. Advertising at it's best. HYGIENE PRODUCTS ...hanging on my front door, is not what I want the world to see, nor do I want to see that when I get home from a very crappy day at work.

So, now...what should I do with it?

1. Write the distributor of this product and say, I am sorry, I am a dried up old prune, but thanks for your encouragement. I will try to bleed on them.

2. Your product is fabulous, it soaks up the grease when I'm frying ground beef.

3. My dog loves it...I made a little pillow for her. Send me more because she likes your brand of pillows.

4. While I am some what pissed with you guys I must say, if any of my neighbours would have seen that bag hanging from my front door knob, they would have thought I was still a bleeder. Cool!

Ah, the joy.


Gord and I talked last night. He just got a CARD from the Government of Canada officially welcoming him as a senior citizen. We will forever be some one's old uncle and Auntie.

It said: enclosed is your personalized Old Age Security card. This card confirms that you are in receipt of your old age security pension. Holy fuck...he is an old fart. BUT an old fart with money, I can deal with that!

Then I went into our personal bank account ...online, and low and behold......we got money for doing sweet fuck all. We are starting to reap what we have sowed.


We don't really rely on that...we have other stuff....but I'm thinking he will cut me loose, and I can retire...very soon....yeahhhhhh.

Because after the day I had at work today...I. am. ready.

I would like to keep on working, but not full time. So that will be something I will be thinking about.

This is starting to get exciting.


Sunday, November 01, 2009

I had the ribs.

Friday, the family took Gord out for his birthday. We don't go out much, so we were kind of surprised how many people go out for dinner on a Friday night! Holy shit. We went to the "Keg" a steak house. There was ten of us, and we were packed in like sardines at our table. It was soooo busy, we could hardly hear each other talk at the table.

A glass of wine....only filled up to ...ummm perhaps an inch or two was 7.00 bucks? That would be two sips at 3.50 a piece. What? The place was filled to the rafters with people, even little babies in car seats. The entrance way was so crowded with people, I didn't think we would ever get in. They don't take reservations for parties over 6 until 8:30 so we had to wait. They gave us a little hand held device and when our table was ready they paged us. Weird.

Anyway, the food was good, the company was good and Gord loved it...so it all turned out okay. But the prices...oh my... I must live in a different world, because between Gord and I it cost almost 200.00 dollars. Gord's bro treated us, but still all we had was two drinks, dinner and dessert. He might have had one more, I wasn't watching..but still. I just wonder how all those people in the restaurant can afford a Friday night out. And like I said the place was packed.

I'm still dreaming about those ribs I had. They were excellent. Better than Tony Roma's. I did have an issue with the salad. I can't even remember which one I chose because I was flapping my gums talking to someone at the table. When I got it, it was a huge plate of "greens".. you know the kind...they look like they were grown in a cellar under a grow light and never matured.
Along with the salad were two slices of purple onion (which I normally like)..but Lord I have never encountered such a strong onion. I had to brush my teeth 5 times when I got home. And then flush my entire head down the toilet. But, yeah it was fun ...heh

Plus...they have bottles of wine sitting on the table when you get there. If you open them, they are yours at 25.00 dollars a bottle. For a crappy small bottle of red wine. Ouch.

I think the economy is strong....if you can afford to pay 200.00 for a dinner on a Friday night, good luck to you.

Friday night will continue to be pizza night around here...and homemade at that.

But I'm still dreaming of those ribs. Son of bitch they were good.

I will have to wait until someone else takes us out for dinner.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Anniversary/birthday

We had a good anniversary/birthday yesterday.

I got Gord a set of wrenches for his birthday...I did. They were black. He loves black. But apparently he has so many wrenches he is starting to shoot them out his ass. He thanked me very kindly for the black wrenches. You see in our new house he will have a new shop with black and silver huge tool boxes, and I thought black wrenches would look cool. Black is the new black. I was wrong. So, I will lug the huge mess of wrenches back to Canadian Tire tomorrow and take them back. I never know what to get a guy who has every tool God invented.

We have had a long standing love for a song by Willie Nelson. It all started off very innocently 20 years ago or so. I'm not much of a country music fan, but I heard Willie sing "You are Always on my mind" way back when...and I bought the "record"...no not the "tape"...or "CD" ... the drop dead record with a nice jacket on it.

I remember when he got home that night and I played it for him.

It was a Friday night...and I was feeling my oats...or wine.

He really liked the song. We were sitting in the kitchen when I asked him if he wanted to DANCE. He looked very surprised. He cleared his throat a few times, looked a little uncomfortable and said..."in the house?" Apparently Lutherans don't dance in their own homes. Lutherans only dance in specified locations like at wedding receptions in the back woods of Southern Manitoba.

He didn't dance with me that day. But ever since that this has been a standing joke between us. Whenever we hear the song at home, I will ask him to dance.... and he won't.

Yesterday, I bought him a card for his 65th. birthday. It's one of those cards that play a song. And guess what it played? ....and yes, he got up and took me in his arms and danced with me.

Mind you, it was the short version, but we did dance. Now all my dreams have come true. We did the Willie dance in the kitchen.

It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

Then we had Cherry Pie....that is almost better than dancing.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I am a pain in the neck

Oh, nevermind you knew that.

I woke up Saturday morning with a shooting pain from my shoulder to the back of my head at every two or three minute intervals.

On Friday night I knew I was soooo tired and could barely get to bed fast enough after we watched the late news etc. On Saturday when I woke up, I don't think I ever shifted a position during the night. I was all crunched up. My head was at a odd angle, and when I woke up...ouchie's.... owww. I took a few Tylenol, but still I had that stupid little pain going right from my shoulder up into my eyeball and whipping off the top of my head. It feels like a nerve has shorted out or something. Damn it is annoying.

I'm off to take care of the pain. Wine.
No more whining.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

That template is history...

I still have a little work to do on this old one. Nevermind.

Things that are happening in my life:

I have a umm a boil in my nether region. I don't know the technical term, but I sure hope it pops soon it's hard to sit some days.

I found a tick behind Penny's ear tonight....IN OCTOBER? yikes I sort of paniced but took a yank at it and thew it in my chicken coop. Oh, I forgot I don't have chickens....it's been that kind of night.

Last night I dreamt we had a chicken coop in the back of our new house. I have been reading this blog too long. http://bitchypoo.com/ One of my favourites.

I have a cold and am trying to muster my mustard up. I think I can muster my busterfricking mustardup. I may have a fever...ignore anything else I may write.

Umm.. I not quite finished.


We are having soup for supper....and if you would hear these words coming from my mouth, you would hear...wa r aving oup fr upper. I played it for awhile...because, let's face it.. it just a little cough...Then Gord, took his handy dandy mental bat and beat the cold right out of me.

Damit...I can't get any sympathy.

I'm feeling better already. I just wanted to take a day off work ...

I'm going to have to take acting lessons. Fuck

Monday, October 19, 2009

You guys slay me.taking the comment home





judemiller1 said...
on second look--if "he" lies to the left, I might be near his junk. Like the cartoon though.Oh Canada, Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command. Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee.That's all I know of the anthem. My son, a huge hockey fan (and player) wanted to learn the lyrics once when he was about 12, so we learned them and used to sing them a lot, but i've forgotten most of them. Sorry--I guess we belong in the pants of Canada.

I might be near his "junk"...god I almost fell to my knees........HAAAaaaha. Thanks for getting the anthem pretty dead on.


Sally said...
You must be SO excited about the new house; I know I would be!!Sorry you have a cold; that's SO miserable.Take care of yourself, Joan. :)It'a always nice to see you've poster.
Thanks Sally, it's going to be a stressful and happy time...I hope. If not, I will have to hit my husband with a hammer. It was his idea.

Brenda said...
Oh man, I'm in the crotch area. I sure hope he don't have cooties. :-) I'm so excited for you about the new house plans! I know you and Gord are looking forward to getting it going.

Scroll down to Donna's comment, she doesn't think you know where you live in the pants? Okay you two ...who is right?

Poolie said...

I live on the right thigh. Thank goodness I am in the ball-less zone! I added you to my new site, lady. http://50percentwhine.wordpress.com

Thanks Poolie, I went over there and left goose droppings.

Donna said...
Well if Miz Brenda lives in the crotch area, I guess I live in Mexico...thank goodness!HahaaHappy for you about the house planning Joan! It'll be Fun!Get to feeling better!!!hughugs

I'm feeling you think Brenda doesn't live in the "crotch area"....Brenda..what say you? Girl's don't go fighting who lives is what part of the "pants"...
Just be glad you have Canada on top of your pants. Because it gets a little cold here in winter. I sort of live in the belly button area. Sometimes it gets so cold we wear heated underpants, and we plug them into a outside electrical outlet with an extension cord when we go out. However, this makes it difficult to get from one place to the other, because most extension cords are only about 40 feet long. Needless to say, we don't get out of the igloo too much. Yeah. I think I feel my nose growing.
You girls are the best...thanks for always dropping in.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Just doing what I do

I was just in from sitting out at the picnic table with my Penny..watching the geese migrate overhead to the South. I was alarmed because they were out of order...Some did not even resemble a "V." I think they were eating some controlled subtances. Mary Jane. Or should we keep this blog gender neutral..Mary John.

One flock in particular, flew over and sounded a little terrified. There was a whole lot of honking going on. And about a minute later there was a little goose who was coming up the rear, crying because he couldn't keep up. Normally the geese sound like: HEE HAW, HEE HAW. These hippy drug induced geese were going HAW HEE, HAW HEE. Plus I think they were trying to loose the little guy. Bastards. It's not funny.



5 minutes later, the same flock came over. Well I'm not entirely sure it was the same flock, because there were tons of them, but it looked like they circled my house and came back the other way....with the same little guy behind them again. I think that would be a lot of trouble to go though to ditch a goose. High school mentality maybe. He probably squealed on the head goose for goosing another goose. I know they mate for life, but what says they don't try to get a little on the side? I was going to google "goose" today, but I really like my version, and I hate it when they tell me I am wrong. Out of sight, out of mind. I like to stay stupid.



I had had a busy weekend. A very nice weekend actually. Lot's of people dropping in and calling. Hippy Chick came in from the farm with the latest drawings of the new house. She came over for AA hour last night for a bit, just to drop them off, and let us go over them. She came to town to go to the opera, so it was good timing. She came back this morning and we had coffee and brunch and went through them step by step. I am totally in love with it.



These are the final (sort of)drawings, and I can now envision what it is going to look like. I have such a difficult time imagining rooms on paper. I can now see the elevations and stuff and see how my front porch will look like and the roof lines. She has a few more things to go over before we get it finalized and we can bring it to those that have to give us quotes..eg. the kitchen, baths, doors, windows, heating A/C fireplaces. flooring's etc. Things we have to know before we get a contractor involved. So that will be our homework assignment this winter.



So, this means I will have to get my head out of my ass and try to makes decisions..oy.



---------------



I have a cold. Swine flu came to mind immediately. But so far I don't think I have killed a pig with my germs....or ummm or how does this work? As I said before I'm not about to google it because I like staying in the dark. There is just WAY to much information out there for me to process. So, I won't sneeze in front of a pig. If I do, I will bend my head into the crook of my arm and hork on big fat booger on it. Because, I'm all about saving the pigs.



I will however have the flu shot, because I loves me a pork roast.



A friend on facebook FROM CANADA sent me this pic. I thought it was so funny...it's for all you

Americans......heh







I want to know who lives in the crotch area? We are the guys who live UPSTAIRS. I need to know who of you ...live in the "Penis Part" of the good ole USA. I noticed you have "no balls." ...but to be fair they may have been tucked in the pants as well.

Keep waving the flag. I think the pants are a little too tight however, the drawer or drawest of this might just have a little game going on in their heads. And made your Kingdom look a tad smaller than it is.

OH Canada..

Have a good week, I will try to post more often...but I gotta a lotta shit going on.