Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I need a cow

Apparently, someone in this house thinks the lawn doesn't need mowing. It's going to seed already for feck's sake. I can't even find the dog in the tall grass. So, I am foregoing my supper tonight and will chew my way through the back 40. I hope there will be someone to milk me in the morning, whilst I am chewing my cud.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Starting the week with some flatulence

I wasn't ready for Monday morning today. I pushed it aside 1456 times before I actually got up. I have been having those weird wake up calls again, to find that my clock is always eleven minutes after the hour. I was a little perplexed on Saturday, it happened three times ... I kid you not. 5:1lAM 6:11AM and 7:11AM. It's getting kind of scary. Or maybe I wake up so many times and only remember the minutes. This stopped happening about two months ago, but here it is again. And, oh yes, just when we were about to leave for Tante's party, I was getting dressed in the bedroom and I glanced at the clock, and it was 5:11PM. OY Ya Yoi..(don't know how to spell that, but you get the drift).

I am starting to work on my pond garden again. I bought two lovely cedar trees which I have not yet planted, BECAUSE the holes need to be dug sooo deep, and some exertion is required. That's not for me man. I got them on sale, and they can stay in the planter containers. If they die over the winter, I will be so blessed with the joy they have given me over the summer @ only $19.99/ea. Okay, already...I will plant them if you force me to. But my heart won't be in it! blah..

I know, Gord will shame me!! like he always does, when I get lazy. Who does he think he is anyway!! I will plant the suckers when I am good and damn well ready. The trees make me laugh. They have a beautiful shape sort of long and rounded, and it actually looks like EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, has been doing his magic on them. Here he is: my boy Edwardo doing hims bidness...

Shoot, it was only Angelman again. He doesn't have any scissorhands. However, I'm betting he has a few surprises under his "skort." He could probably "wing it, however." Hey, don't blame me for getting smutty tonight, Brenda sent me the best picture of a nakid guy eVar. But, for some reason I can't upload it to blogger...do they have "smut rules?" Shame on them. "Give us old broads a chance"...damit. It was only a "bum" shot for heavens sake, not porn. bleh...Fortheloveofanicetoastybun...

Well, I'm off to finish last nights leftovers. I forgot to post My Sunday Night Supper last night because I was so high on beef fumes.

Roast Beef In a Different Manner than usual:

1 - Plump Round Roast
..Sprinkled generously with Hy's Seasoning Salt, and garlic powder.

Bake in a covered roaster for about 1.5 hours at 375 degrees.

Remove from roaster, and put on a plate and cut it into large pieces. Let it cool.

Now, cut it into nice small thin sliver sized pieces, put it all back in the roaster, along with the juices and add a package of Knorr Beef gravy mix and do as directed on the package. Damit. Bake it at 350 for about another hour. Or so. You can't kill this recipe. A little longer wouldn't hurt...just check it and see if it need a little more water if it's getting dry. I'ts on of those..who gives a shit recipes...and you still come up smelling like a rose when the company comes around.

Make the potatoes of your choice, mashed would be good.

Put the beef mixture over your taters, along with some fabo veggies ...and a meal fit for a queen named Elizabeth is made.

By damn it was delicious.. and tonight we are having toasty sammich buns filled with leftover beef and gravy...along with mixed veggies.

I surely hope I won't fart my face off like I did last night. Holy moly... that is one gassy dish...it could have been da beans.. I even scared the dog!!

We will just have to wait and see what happens tonight. No wonder I can't get a date.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

I am a Party Animal

The setting may seem strange, but we went to Gord's Tante Tina's 90th birthday party last night. This would be the first time all her children and grandkids have got together for over 10 years. The flew from far and wide for the occasion.

Let me tell you a little about my adopted Tante Tina. She is a woman who never quits, and her age never seems to get in the way. She has the best sense of humour of anyone I know of that is close to MY age. She was born on a farm and was sent out to her aunt's home after her mother died, along with Gordon's dad and another sibling Reinhold, at a early age. Those were tough times, their dad couldn't take care of all of them, and kept a few and send the rest out. It was rough going, but they all survived. After Tante met Herman a local farmer, they married and had three children, Bernice, Jane, and Donna. Donna was the love child, she was born 10 years later the rest of them.

She lost her beloved husband Herman in 1984, and was left to her own devices after that. By the way, Herman could put me on the floor laughing just by looking at his face when he said something. He was such a hoot. They were such a good pair.

Tante, always comes to our house for Christmas for dinner. She is the belle of the ball, because we have almost run out of elders in the family, and she would sit and regale stories of old all night...along with some rum, and couple of "Old Bailey's Irish Creme's in her belly. She is the heart of our family.

Last night I got to meet her girls again, after 30 some odd years. I hung around with Jane when I was young, but Bernice was a little older than me, and Donna was too young so we didn't have all that much in common. WELL, IF I DIDN'T LAUGH MY ASS OFF ..NOBODY DID!! They are the spitting image of each other, and they have the their parents sense of humour...I will love them forever now. And... I think they liked me a little too.

Bernice's house was just alive with children, teenagers, young adults, and the over 40 crowd. We were drinking, reminiscing, and eating a shit load of food they had made. Tante, wouldn't get off my back. I guess about 10 year's ago Gord told me when they grew up they always called her Tante. So ever since then, I have called her Tante. When I first called her that, her eye's lit up, and she gave me a hug. She was so honoured! So, over the years I have consistently, called her Tante along with card's, phone calls etc.

When we got to Bernice's house yesterday, I came bearing gifts of flowers and such, and one of my homemade cards, which she has grown to expect ..with her name personalized in front "Happy Birthday Tante Tina"....... Well, this time you would have thought I had given her a million bucks, she went and showed it to all her kids, grandchildren, and everyone else that would listen. She just loves being called Tante. It made me feel so good.

After we all had a wonderful buffet dinner with barbequed roast beef,pork roast, scalloped taters, pasta salad, coleslaw, and the best meatballs I evar tasted.

Melissa, her grandchild,(with 4 kids) decided we should do Karokee. She went uptown and rented a machine, and then the party was on. I didn't sing. NO. About 10PM Melissa suggested that her kids get on the street, and show everyone the chorography of the play they will be in this coming summer at "Rainbow Stage." Her son went out and put the lights on a car down the street, and kids came out and did there stuff. She had everything recorded on a CD player, and she just blasted it. It was amazing. They were doing cartwheels, dancing, and doing their show.

All of a sudden the youngest came in and said.."mom, the police are here"..oh oh...maybe a neighbour complained about the loud music? So the cruiser car approached, and then she, along with 20 grandkids trailing behind her went out to explain what was going on. oyvey.

The police apparantly were not concerned by the kids doing there little play on the street, but they had got a call from someone that there was two weird guys in the park behind their house. Then when they drove up on the street and saw the kid's they stopped and asked questions.

Okay, you won't believe what happened next. The kids, who apparently love cops, told them it was their great grandma's 90th birthday, and that is why they were all playing in the street. Nothing like sending the youngin's in traffic huh?

The police, being in a generous mood, decided they wanted to meet the birthday girl. HA.. So Bernice, and her daughter invited these two big burley officers ( I wanted to bite one of them grr) in to meet Tante. Check this out..Tante, plays dumb, she gets into a submissive position, and says "officers, I am just an old lady, don't take me jail"..HAAAAAAAAAAAA...oh me Tante!! I'm still laughing...the officer told her she was off the hook this time, but they could be bought with Birthday Cake!! Lord, she startedjoking with them and wouldn't stop. Jane, her other daughter thought it might be fun to show the police her birthday candles that she had blown out earlier in the evening, that nearly caught the house on fire. There was ninty or so candles in a small container, torched with one of those barbeque starter thingies.

After all the small children were consoled and told that great gramma wasn't going to jail, we bade farewell to the occifers:) The whole family is so funny, or maybe crazy, I don't know, but I seem to fit in.

Our Tante, has been to at least 3.. count them 3 90th. parties this last week. She just keeps on ticking...Her brother is 96, and was not feeling well enough to attend yesterday. She is such a vibrant woman... when I grow up I want to be like her. I haven't even touched the surface of her life, but maybe if I have time one day I will.

I didn't have any pictures, because I FORGOT my camera at their house, but Gord just went and picked it up...so here they are. Blogger be willing.

Tanta blowing out the Olympic torch

Her 3 daughers that threw the party...the on the right had just flew from Calgary and had jet lag...yep..that was her excuse...two hour difference? ..LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE DONNA.

Tante giving her great grand daughter a hug.

Thursday, May 25, 2006


Just came back in from the back 40. Looks like crap back there. I finally emptied my pond, of the pond scumedness. It stunk so bad I had to wear a clothespin on me nose. I kept on having dry heaves whilst baling the old leaves and shit out of it. Fortheloveofstank...that was bad. reallll badddd. I still feel like hurling...oops, I just did, hope I didn't get any on ya. I washed up, but every now and again, the scent lingers on...and on. phewww

I did a quick walk by of all my trees in the back 40 and made some assessments. I decided this year I will be a lean and mean "chainsaw" cuttin machine. I had a talk with each and every one of them. They knew I was coming, because suddenly they all stood up straight and at attention. No tree wants the axe. I did it in a Queenly manner, I addressed each and every one with a soft spoken word of encouragement, and yet I remained stoic. I had to, because obviously, at the meeting last spring, some of them were not listening. Nope. They got complacent, and thought I would put up with antics again this year. They thought wrong. Did they think when I spoke at length at our last years meeting about pruning, that I was kidding? Yeah, I know..they all yelled back at me and said, "if you prune us".. we will commit suicide. I caved. But, this is 2006, and I AM WOMAN..and you suckers are gonna behave, or I will have to call in the "tree pruner cutter guys"... and all of you will have no balls left..get it!! ... tree silence ensued.. you could have heard a pine needle drop. I finally had their attention.

So I told them..stick with me, I will just shave your most unimportant parts, but I don't want to hear any grief, when I snap your branches in half! They all looked at me with their big puppy dog leaves, and gave me the nod. Then they joined in song and sang "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Around the Old Oak Tree." You can't ask for more than that. My babies.

I talk to trees. The alarming part is that I find this normal. More alarming is that they talk back to me, and let me cut them. ouch.

I should probably stick my head in pond scum. I am so unworthy of my noble poplar, apple, and willow trees, forgive me for what I am about to do.

Yours truly.
Tree's enough.

PS..if anyone reading this has a problem with the new template, let me know, I know it is kinda dark.. I have no problem finding another one...youse guys know how much I like doin dat shit.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I just noticed

My .."Who I read" list is ancient. Everytime I change my template I go into an old file and pick up ..well old shit and copy and paste it in my sidebar without really looking at it. I have to re-do it..It's on my to do list to rectify the error of my ways.

Today...Its like 90 degrees out there. Me, no likey. Nope. 20-21C is just fine with me, or I get cranky. Tonite ever more so, it was so hot playing with the dog, and then the big ole poplar tree decided to shed yet another batch of sticky glue. My toes are all stuck together, I'm walking like a little ole Chinese lady, but without the hat. Penny is laying on her back, because her underbrush is a mess of stickiness. If I try to help her take them off, she gives me the "teeth"...Her little mouth starts to quiver, and she wants to bite me in the worst way. But, she doesn't, she lays there with her mouth just a quivering. It hurts when I take them off her fur. So, what I have come up with is...I stick her big red ball in her chops, and grab a stickem.. And it's gone. She doesn't even yelp. I call it the surprise factor. I do this 10 times, and finally she catches on. I have to find a new game plan, because it will another week before the fricking tree stops dropping this shit.

Winter was so easy.

I don't have time tonight, but I was reminded by Mary Lou's post today about Crows..or Ravens as she calls them. Gord used to have a crow. They found a little baby crow on their yard in the country, and brought him in to his dad's service station. From there they nurtured him, and he became their pet. His name was Joe the Crow. Somehow this seems familiar, I may have posted something about this before, I should check my archives before I tell the story again, in a different way. That would make me look like a liar. But not really, as you grow older, and forget certain details, you start to embellish. You get it as close as you can without looking like a telleroflongtales. I loves this part of my life. I dare you to tell me I am repeating myself, and I will tell you I am only filling in the gaps I forgot before. It's a win win thing.

Somehow, I lost my mind in a brown paper bag in the 70's, trying to check in to see what my condition my condition was in. It happens. Goodbye Ruby Tuesday. Wednesday will be a better day.

Peace out.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

brrrr baby..It's cold out here- 2 day post

The sweet temp's from April and early May have taken a turn. I was (in my dreams) going to do some work in my ugly garden. I didn't. Because it was cold, and the garden was ugly. I have decided to wait for more weeds to grow, I don't have enough of them yet to get off my ass and do something about it. I need a gardener and a pool boy. he he..

It's been a rough week, with the onset of yet the second cold. This one settled in my chest, and will not let me rest. But, last night I hit the hay at 9:30 PM and did not see the light of day till 11:00 AM this morning. My poor ribs, stomach, and arms they all ache from the coughing. It's like a work out! Last night was the best, so I guess I am getting over this fricking bug.

I took the dog out for a walk today. I know I said I wouldn't do that anymore, but the whole city has vanished, and motored on to one of our 10,000 lakes in the Province. Good luck for the one's that chose tenting. I'm thinking they will have a little frost on the ole pork and beans. If ya know what I mean.

Years ago, Gord and I tried the weekend Motorhoming shit, and before that I did the tenting stuff with my nephews and nieces when they were small. And lord, it was so much work, for such little fun. But if my memory serves me right, it was a lot of fun, it only seems like so much more work now.

When we bought our first used ..ooop's make that "previously owned" motorhome we were so excited. But we didn't go anywhere for about two weeks because we were so busy. We had pizza in it on Fridays on the driveway and pretended we were someplace else. And when we phoned for the pizza from the house, we would say....BRING IT THE THE MOTORHOME ON THE DRIVEWAY!! haa. It was kinda cool, we were bigshots!! The pizza guy even came in and had a drink with us. We had 10" Black and White TV in it. It had a little lounge area for having drinks etc. and a generator, sleeping quarters for 4 if you folded down the kitchen table, which slept two, and then there was the one up on top that was a double. Of course you had climb a little ladder to get up there. Iffin you had to go at night, it would be a lot less trouble to just piss out the window, because by the time you got down the ladder and into the bathroom, it was pretty well much over anyway. It had nice galley kitchen. It also had lovely rust coloured shag rug carpeting, bamboo blinds on all the windows, and a little teenie weenie, bathroom with a shower that you could fit a midget into.

On our first road trip, we met up with one of Gord's previous employers and his wife at a camp site about 30 minutes from the city. It was our maiden run. They were avid motorhomers, and they were going to show us the motorhoming ropes..such as they may be. We had a great time that weekend, schmoozing, drinking, barbecuing and having some laughs. But, it was pointed out to us by Mr. & Mrs. Avid Motorhome user, that a small dog, preferably a poodle dog was a MUST. They had a little black poodle..named ahem.."Blackie" who served as our entertainment the entire weekend, walking on his hind legs begging for steak. I looked at Gord, and then Gord looked back at me...and we said..we needs us a dog!!! It's a motorhome law! I reminded him of the two cats, budgie, and a trillion fishes at home, and he said...what good are they, if you can't take them MOTORHOMING! WE NEED A DOG! We quickly got caught up in the excitement of motorhoming.

But on our way home that night after all the laughs,drinking and dog watching stuff was over, the transmission bombed out of our previously owned motorhome half the way home. Motorhoming was not looking that good to us anymore. uh uh.. We got it home, and the next day Gord took it for an estimate, and it was supposed to cost 1,000.00 to fix it. Fudgearoonie!! We had only had it for three pizza Fridays. The clouds rolled in. roarrrr

So, it was a toss up...do we just keep it in the driveway for our Friday nite pizza nights, or do we fix it and get a poodle?

We fixed it, and got a poodle. It didn't happen that fast, but pretty close. After it was repaired we went out with this couple several times again to different camp sites, and had a great time. Then one day.... I bought a poodle from a farmer near the city. He was a poodle farmer. He grew poodles. I brought this 7 week old fat bundle of joy home one Friday after work. Gord didn't know I had gone out to the poodle farm, so he was very surprised to see this piece of fluff in the kitchen sink when he got home. I had to give her a bath because she had a few "kling on's" on her backside that needed some attention. It was pretty well love at first sight for the both of us. We named her Munchie, as it soon became apparent, eating was her best trick. Plus, we had a motorhome dog. Now finally we would fit into the Caravan community.

We had a great time in that motorhome, but after awhile, time was too short, Gord's business was just taking off and my job was very time consuming. So, we eventually sold it. We bought another bigger one several years later, but it was never the same. We desperately tried to make time during the weekends and always took my parents with us to some campsite close to the city, and we did have a good time, but it took it's toll. Poor little Munchie, she could never figure out where her favourite "ride" went to. You didn't dare say "motorhome" around here, she went ballistic. After that I rented a cottage with my parents every summer for a week, and we took her with us. She loved it.

One day I will tell you the story on how my sweet Munchie saved me from selfish ways. I don't know where I would be today if I hadn't met her on that poodle farm.

I forgot to tell youse guys about my Sunday Supper:

Count them 2 - racks of baby back ribs, smothered in my secret sweet and sour barbeque sauce ... baked to perfection.
..Fluffy rice ( I maintain white rice is the best for this dish ) some would prefer brown. Don't matter.
.. Along with a crispy, lettuce salad with tomatoes, green onions and peppers, with the dressing of your choice. My choice was "Ranch Light"..

Bring it all the table, along with 454 paper towels to take the sticky stuff off your face and hands.

It's all good after that.

Tonight is the last day of the long weekend. I didn't get much accomplished other than the laundry and house cleaning. I did however revamp my office yesteday, so now at least I know where everything is.

All my neighbor's are fretting over there gardens, planting whatever..Poodle's for all I know. The guy next door built a huge pond, it makes mine look like a postage stamp. I hate him. He saw my idea and ran with it. He has boulders the size of a small SUV surrounding it, plus a Waterfall. I only have a ..(sigh) a mole hill, with a pump the size of a fish tank. I think he has a unit that could power Niagara Falls attached to his pond.

It's okay, my little pond has so much stink in it right now, from all the decaying leaves, I have decided to pour a few pails full on his side of the fence. He will be wondering why his pond has got so stinky..so quick. HAAA..

I am running on here, only because I am feeling better, so I should quit while I am ahead..if I am?

Monday nite long weekend supper:

Pork Roast..and it's a good one I tells ya
New Potatoes with the skins still attached
Broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower....not necessarily in that order.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

the government gave me a cold

I just made the government happy, I did our census poll on the internet. It was painless. I wonder what would happen if you lie. How would they know? I was tempted. I made my fingers tell the truth, but I so wanted to bullshit them, and tell them it was nonnaoftheirbidness..ahha.. BUT, we have had repeated warning in the media..if we don't send the sucker in, we will loose $38,000.00/per household funding from the Federal government, to our Provincial coffers. So, I filed it. I really wanted someone to fill in that pot-hole on our street; in couple more days we would be eating Chinese in China...it's like THAT deep.

Another stinking cold. Whaaaaat is up with this again. Ten years, cold free, I get this shit again. Yesterday, I bought a huge bottle of "Buckley's Mixture." It tastes like shit, but man, after a generous tablespoon of that potion, you can feel all your organs warming up..and talking to each other. Hey, you..."Liver"..did you feel that?..yup..what about you "kidney"?...nope, it's not here yet, giver time. Hey, lungs, is it helping any with the cough?...I believe so, but your cough is in your upper respiratory system.. I'm only the back up. Okay...Upper respiratory system, any change?...hey dude.. that was some good drugs! Gimmmee another tablespoon of the Buckley's, and you should be able to cough out a piece of phelem that would break a window. Whoa...cool. Try it!!

By the way..nose.. are you enjoying the cold? Well, Joan it's a little rough in here, I wish you would keep your fingers to yourself...if you know what I mean. The constant blowing and picking, has put my passages in some disarray, with a little help from our friend Buckley, we might be able overcome this. Eyes..."how're you doin?.. a little tearing, and some aversion to bright lights. But, other than that, it's good. Last night I thought I saw God..or was that Gord? Whatever, I likes them both.

My lower regions, don't seem to be affected by it. My muffin isn't coughing, so that's a blessing. You don't want to give her a cold, cause it's embarrassing in public. With all the shaking and stuff.

So, I'm off to drink a tablespoon of the stuff before I goes to bed. It looks and smells like donkey piss, but a good nights rest is worth a little piddle taste.


Monday, May 15, 2006

A few sites of interest

This week I have discovered two great blogsites. So, if you wanna take a peak at them go to:

"the girl that ate everthing" I love the name..

The first one just kills me...this lady makes me laugh so hard!!

And the second one is a food blog..get ready for some good pics of eats!! She's just a little girl, and has been doing this blog for awhile. She will make a wonderful food critic one day!!

I hope the links work. If not maybe you will have to manually enter them.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

I baked a cherry pie billy boy..

Sunday night supper:

Roasted chicken
Aspargus...again...this time I put carrots in with it.
Potatoes and gravy

I didn't like the potatoes, they had a what I like to say as " a basement taste to them". And the gravy was nothing to rave about. The pie..looked good..but not as good as my mom's..and that is what I was trying to do. The crust looks good, but it tasted like ...I don't know...bicycle tires?.. I'm thinking me tastes buds are tad off because Gord liked it all. But he would.:)

Mother's Day...a hard day. I woke up thinking about my mom, and I will go to bed the same way. I'm not even aware of it half the time, as I am cooking, playing with the dog, and just doing Sunday stuff. But it's like a video that goes through my mind all day. I remember what a great mother she was. Several times I caught myself getting transported back home, and recalled the time she started a "Canteen" as we used to call it at the Curling Rink. Her food was the best, and all the curlers loved her. She would always have a big pot of cabbage beef borsht, sloppy joes, and lot's of hot coffee to warm the curler's when they got off the ice, plus her homemade pies for dessert. We were so proud of her, because she had started a little business of her own. Plus, my bro and I, liked going over there and scoff some free stuff. I remember her telling us ..over and over.. it's for the customer's and if you eat it all, I won't make any money!!

She did that for about three years, then finally dad figured out that all the effort was not worth the small profit, so she gave it up. I think she was a little sad, because she loved nothing more than people complimenting her on her food.

As I think back, Mom, didn't have a whole lot of self esteem. She had to go to work as a housemaid at the age of 14, to help the family in the "dirtie 30's". My grandpa could not keep the farm going anymore, so the kid's had to get out there and help out. She worked for the "rich" people in neighbouring communities that had enough money to overcome the blight of the 30's.

She was a young 14 year old mennonite girl, who was sent to work on a farm that was owned by a Jewish immigrants. She only had one day off a week, and that was Sunday. The people she worked for, were so foreign to her. I remember her telling me how she had to make sure everything in the house of kosher. The washing of the dishes, food etc. It was like she landed on a different planet.

You see at this time, in our town, the Mennonites were not supposed have any business holdings, it was deemed greedy, and against what God wanted for them. Mennonites could only be farmers. PERIOD. Then the Jewish people came in and established stores, doctors, mills, etc. The mennonites, sat in awe. Finally, one day some mennonite ( who didn't mind getting kicked out the church)..hey, I'm starting my own busniss here...ching ching. and the rest is history. Finally, it was not a sin to make money...thank you jebus.

I digress. Mom worked for them until she was 18, and then got a different jobs on many more farms, till she married dad.

She always carried some baggage from the past. What I remember the most, is her pleading with me, not to be taken in with friends that would "use" me. She could not tell me that enough. She was always so mad at a friend I had that only came to our house when it was convenient to her. Of course I loved this girl, because she paid attention to me, and she was popular, and I wasn't. So, I guess Mom sensed that. I think something like that happened to her, and she didn't want me to be disappointed. I did it anyway. And she was right. Such is with Mother and Daughter.

Here is my mom when I thought she was old..but she was young...a grew giant tomatoes!!

I bought a single pink rose today, and placed it on their gravestone (mom an dad have a combined one) and sat for awhile reminising with them. The tears flowed.

Sometimes, it good to get that stuff out that builds up all year round. I think I'm good to go until next year now.

I took some pics today of the blossoms on my apple tree. The white blossoms are those that produce huge apples, the pink blossoms only produce little ornimental apples, that drop in fall, and piss me off.

If you double click on them, you get to see the big picture.

Okay...I did a few Penny pic's in her fav bushes..

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Well here are the results you have been waiting for

Well, after two aborted attempts at this, thanks to Blogger, I have succumbed to the fact that I will have to post in Word. I never learn, do I?

Okay, thanks for humoring me and I will give you the results of my meme.


Judging by your answers and my super powers, I believe you are an unselfish individual who assumes additional responsibilities when circumstances beyond your control present themselves.

My only concern for you is your penchant for “Elephant Porn”. If I could give you only one suggestion it would be…”get help”.

For some reason I sense that I have known you in a previous life, and you come from a very gifted family. I see your Aunt; whose name shall remain anonymous is very gifted as well. She makes up the most adorable memes.


You have heard the saying “we are judged by the company we keep”, then elephants it is, my friend. I see you truly strive to be both logical and imaginative in your decision making process, but you tend to let the imagination portion get out of hand. This trait, could explain the creative links you extend to your fellow bloggers.


You maintain a slight aura of mystery about you. Your feeling for your friends and family are quite deep and profound. If those you love were put in a tight spot, you’re quite likely to be the first one to offer assistance. Your love of gravel roads, may well be and extension of some of those bumpy roads you have walked on.

I do commend you for not answering (A) watching animals procreate….because that is just nasty!!


You have a big plus going for you, and that is your inclination to be realistic, while yet being generous and compassionate to others. You enjoy challenges and are not easily intimidated.

I also see a dark side to your personality. It is called “Peacock Porn”…it must be kind of hard adjusting your monitor trying to see what’s going on behind them feathers..huh?


My two fav. Chickenshits!

May I point out, I said it was a homemade meme. And as such it would only be obvious that some of my own experiences might have leaked through. HA

Therefore I give each of you a big fat “F”, for not even attempting it.

I would have SO, loved to rate your personalities!!! Phooey!!


That was so funny! I have done the very same thing myself. Now when I approach someone I think looks familiar, I ask for their I.D. first!!

And there you have it folks!!

Disclaimer: Joan had nothing to do with this, it was all my idea. It would have to be, she doesn’t have a clue in the cluescloset most days!!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Homemade Meme

I am blogefarted. My head, she is empty. I need a meme to fill the void. But I don't have one. Okay then, I will make one up. Is there an actual meme internet person who makes them up?..or can I as a laymemeperson, just do it myself? Dare me. Okay, dare me again! Okay, you talked me into it. I just made this up, so let me get a glass of wine (which increases my creativity and spelling errors).

Meme..by balonie: (Joan's outside picking nitts off the dog.)Shhhh or was that tits off the dog..I don't know.

After you answer all the questions, I will give you a personality rating of my very own..don't be scared..I won't hurtsyou.

If you want to do this just put it on my blog...no pressure...I won't be jumping off any cliffs if you don't do it..

1.) Which animal in the zoo, would you like most to watch procreating?

a. Monkey
b. Elephant
c. Polar Bears
d. Peacocks ..he he

2.) If you have a driveway, how would you like it look like:

a. Paved
b. Gravel
c. Winding muddy trail
d. None of the above

3.) If you could talk to the "Google Gods" which of these questions would you ask them:

a. WTF where is my blog?
b. Are you Amish?
c. Who is the graphic artist that does the "Google" logo?
d. Thanks for the free stuff

4.) On Mother's Day will you:

a. Send her a card
b. Visit her gravesite
c. Go for brunch
d. Turn off your answering machine

5.) American Idol

a. Will you watch it
b. Will you really get into it
c. Do you really care who wins
d. Are you lonely

6.) If you open yer big yap and say something stupid..do you:

a. Keep on talking..hoping no one heard
b. Catch yourself and backtrack
c. Apologize and go on
d. Puke in your purse

7.) If you think about sending inappropriate emails to someone you are mad at:

a. Do you simmer down first and think it over
b. Do you go to the fridge and look for a beer
c. Do you shoot off the email, before your brain engages
d. Calm down, and go the internet and order and bunch of stuff you can't afford.

8.) If you laugh, and accidentally wet your pants..do you

a. Kinda squish your legs together and hope nuttin dribbles
b. Whip out a "depends"..and bee-line it to the can
c. Calmly tell those around you, that this a natural thing when you are over 50
and apologize for getting some of it on their shoes.
d. Fling yourself off a cliff

9.) ..are you getting tired of this yet? Just a few more...trust me...
When someone points out to you that you have a few stray hairs on your chin..do you:

a. Run to the bathroom, and get out the magnifying mirror, to see how you missed it.
b. Take a spade, and chop off their private parts
c. Train your pets to gnaw them hairs off at night
d. Apply to the nearest Zoo.

10.) If you run out of toilet paper:

a. Do you use Kleenex
b. If there isn't any Kleenex in the bathroom, do you run to the kitchen and get some paper towels
c. Did you dribble
d. Did anyone see you
note: God, I hope you didn't try to flush the paper towels down.

11.) Last one... If you are doing the dirty deed and the dog/cat/child jumps up on the bed ..do you:

a. Kick their ass off the bed
b. Jump up and pretend you were just wrestling..and start singing Kung Fu Fighting
c. Ignore it
d. Or pretend you live in a zoo!!

That's all folks!! Give me you answers, and I will tell you what kind of personality you have.

This is no gimmick...It's all me... not like those Yahoo personality tests, you have the real thing here.

Don't be shy.
Joanie balonie

Monday, May 08, 2006

Dell from hell, and the Robins again.

The Dell from hell. I'm getting very tired of waiting two point four hours for my desktop to show up anytime. That's what you get when you pay 359.00 dollars for a computer. I will never buy a cheapie again. Cheep cheep...I hear the birds yelling that in my ear every morning from my bedroom window...Joan, your cheep cheep, sumabitch.. I think it is the Robin who warbles that tune. Then, the crows start and start yelling..YOU ARE THE CHEAPEST BITCH IN THE VALLEY! Okay, I get it, quit cheeping at me. I have to close the window! They are my conscience. And they are so annoying.

Mr. and Mrs. Red Robin are, in their opinion making love calls at 5:45AM. In my opinion, they are way too horny for their own good. Get out there already, do the dirty deed, build the nest, and quit with the yelling.
I thought you guys were over that when you flew back into town a few blogs ago...not so.

Fortheloveofrobinsbobbingandstuff. You two Robins don't be trying to build a nest in my light fixture on the deck again. You know what happened the last time. I could have incubated your eggs if I would have left the light on at night. Mind you it would have left some free time for the Mrs. to go out and party. But, I'm thinking she's in the family way now. Okay, Rockin Robin..find yourself a nice tree, after all, we have an abundance of them, then look at us with disdain from a distance, and we will try to put up with you incessant YELLING. And, don't be dive bombing my dog if she gets too close to the nest, because next year I will put you on "my Robins short list of birds to shun" Got it Hopping Red Robin? I can't blame them, they just made a terrible life choice by coming in my back yard.

I love the hear the birds sing in the morning, but when they get to the screeching stage, I say..Shut the fuck up! I do! I know it's unseemly, but I hates it. I have to get up in the morning my fine feathered friends! It's no longer music to my ears, it's annoying. But! ..once 7:00 o'clock rolls around, they all seem to settle down and I AM WIDE AWAKE. Well jeez louise..I have another hour to kill..and can't go back to sleep..fudge.

We have an abundance of bunnies around here this year. They are so cute. They would be cuter yet if they were not eating the bark off my fav bushes. It's okay, Penny takes care of that, and chases them away. What they get overnight is fine by me, we have more than enough.

That's it from Balonie Central...supper doesn't make itself y'know. It never does.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Sunday supper again!!

I have a kink in my neck,
And when I turn my head
I wish I was dead
I am a moran
Cause I slept in till noon
Way past my time to get up
And that just sucks...

I am trying not the rhyme anymore, and I think I was successful. "nurse hold the med's."

I was just watching one of my favorite movies of all time. And, if you know me, I never watch movies, so it's a short list. It is called Crush. I have watched it twice this weekend ...again. I think that put's me a "groupie status." I don't know what compels me to watch it over and over. I see something I missed the first and second and third time. It's a chick flick, nuff said. Plus the guy looks like James Dean......lord. Takes me back.

Sunday night supper:

Roast beef
Baked potatoes ..sour cream..bacon bits and chives
asparagus..again...I forgot how much I loved it and am eating it every chance I gets.

Gord is happier than a pig in shit. He and his bro went riding on their bikes yesterday afternoon. He works so hard all year round, and this is his one love, to take off Saturday around 3:00 PM and cruise. It's called his vacation. He got up Saturday morning all perky. No grumbling. Did a few service calls and got back here around 2:00 PM, and then went and washed the bike. WITH A BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE. And took off for the ride. How, could I try to piss in his cornflakes...he loves it so much. All I said before he left was: Clean your helmet, don't drive too fast, if it rains, pull into the nearest town, don't pass any semi trucks, make sure the zipper in leather chaps doesn't open up, put on little chap stick on, (wind you know), don't' forget to fill up your gas tank, .... and then he decked me!!! Okay, I get it, you are not my child..well you are sort of..in a ersatz kind of way. He he..no he didn't deck me..but if I was him, I would have "tripped" me ..or something!
I'm such a beotch.

It rained the latter half of the afternoon, just in time for Queen Penny's walk. She has since retired to her bedroom with the "vapours." I have never had a dog before that can put so much guilt on you if you don't meet the time requirement of the dog stuff she wants to do..with her eyes..and with her actions. She goes into depressed mode.

But, it is with much sadness, I have to report, she can no longer go on walks with me in our neighborhood. She has, in the last three weeks attacked other dogs, and last Sunday a girl who was sitting at a bus stop. This started last year, bit by bit, and it has now escalated to the point I have to do something or she will hurt someone. She is a gentle loving dog at home, but once out of the house, she is goes into some kind of protective mode for me. I have to keep the public safe, and her. It's not something I like to do, but from now on, she cannot go for walks in our area. I will put her in my truck and take her out to where I work, where there are fields etc. to run and sniff. On the leash of course.

I don't know what else to do. This has been going on for awhile now and it's been getting worse. I will never put her down, but I will try to to keep everyone safe, and still get Penny the exercise she needs. And the love we get back from her.

My blog looks a little off..My "Talk to me"..looks like someone was swearing at it, and it took offense. Who did that?...or did I not pay blogger under the table this month? fudge.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Days gone by

I'm trying not to talk about the weather. So I won't. Okay, it snowed a little day. Over and out.

..And it's cold.

I'm done.

Except, ahhh I hope it stays cold, because Gord just bought his motorcycle license for the season. That means I get to worry every Saturday when he and his bro go on a road trip.

I should have had kids, I am an expert at worrying. I would have done them proud. I have so much quilt to thrust upon unsuspecting souls, and they would have to take the my worring skills to heart. Look at what they missed. Now, it is all for not. Dogs only feel guilty for about two seconds when you give them a talking too, that is not enough for me. I want some LONG TERM GUILT when I get cranky. Joaniebaloniecrankypants ..says.

Just like my mom did. It was always:

Mom: Wait till you have kids! (that was when I was a bad ass) which was, ahem..a lot of the time.

Mom: Your friends are using you...don't hang around with them.
My reply: You just don't understand me, and you hate everyone I like, even though they are using me. MOM!

Mom: You have your father tied around your little finger and get anything you want.
My reply: I'm sorry, I need the "School Ring" and the "School Jacket" to be cool, EVERYONE ELSE HAS ONE! ...then some tears.

Mom: If your grades don't improve, you can't have the car.
My reply: Lets just ask Dad about that!

...you can see where I'm going here.

Joan: Dad, can I have the car Friday night?
Dad: Sure, but you have to put in the gas.
Joan: Okay.
Joan: ring..ring..I phone my friend (Janis) hippy chick who lived on a farm near our town and got "purple gas" as they called then from their farm equipment stash. Farmers were allowed to have cheap gas, and it was colored purple so the cops would know if there were using it for anything else than farm equipment.

I was a devious little brat.

Mom: NO, you can't have any new clothes, you already have wanted and bought most of the Sears catalogue!! No more!

Joan: BUT..but I need this and that....the list goes on.

Mom: I have to wear these house dresses all day and every day, and you want to have new pants (we didn't wear jeans to school in those days) and new tops, we can't afford it!

Joan: I hate you! I'm going to ask dad.

Mom: I won't help, you got your clothes allowance at the start of the school year and you will have to wait until next year.

Joan: Well, I guess I will just have to run away!!

Mom: Go ahead...

Joan: Well, I will!

Mom: Make sure you take your School Jacket and you ring with you.

Joan: I WILL!! hmufffffffff

Mom: Well, see you again, when you want to come back. I hope someone will feed you and take care of you.

Joan: I don't need food!

Mom: Ohhh, don't you? Okay, then GO!

Joan: I would, but I have an exam tomorrow, but I will go after that.

Mom: Good, until then, you can stay here, but after that you have to leave.

Joan: Ahhhhhh but I have cheerleading practice on Monday, and on Thursday we have a basketball game.

Mom: So, do you still want to leave?

Joan: Maybe not. But I still want that pair of Capri's I saw in the Sear's catalogue.

Mom: Don't even start with that again.

Joan: So, can we have homemade apple pie tonight?

We as kids dink around with our parents once we get our sea legs, don't we? At least I did. I think especially when we are around the age of 3 when most kids figure out their limits. I read of lot of Mom blogs, and can see myself in some of them. And then it happens again when we turn teenagers and it starts all over again. Testing out the limits.

I am older now, but I don't think it changes much, except the limits the new moms put on the kids compared to mine. We got a "lickin"..now they get time out...which is better I don't know? My lickins were a smack on the bum, and sent off to bed. It didn't really hurt physically, but it hurt me, knowing my daddy or mommy was so mad at me. I learned to do different from that. I was never beat up or anything, it was a smack on the ass!! It's puts a little respect on a situation. But, there might be those that carry it on a little to far. So, I won't even get into that.

I started my blog without anything to say...and look what I said..

My mind has been on me daddy a lot these days, as he died May 2nd. 1996, so I think I've been trying to go home again.. Love you dad...you were best!! And thanks for the ring and school jacket, even though you had to get some flack from mom...I have never forgotten.

Love Joan

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Just a half assed blog .like usual

Sorry, I've been a lounge lizard lately, and can't seem to get me shit together. Hee..cute pic huh?

It's was snowing about 20 minutes ago!! Yeah..that's what happens in Friendly Manitoba. The media, and various workmates are driving me crazy. Why in heavens name is everyone so crazy. Yes, we had a good April, and we had the warmest winter in record, SHUT UP already about the weather!! It makes me crazy. Don't you have anything else to focus on, like ummm.. my dog, she has to remove her tail from any path that Gordon walks on. It's stressful, and she has to be alert day and night. I'm glad she has something to do. But if I was her, I would step on his tail, then it might not be so amusing to him. I showed her where his was last night, and said "fetch"...but alas there was nothing there. So goes it when one reaches a certain age. Both the dog and I have nothing to do.

But, I don't have much of a problem with that, my hormones went South too. I was glad to see them leave. I waved them goodbye. It's not so bad. Spring now means planting flowers, instead of getting laid. Plant, laid, plant, laid..okay. That damn balonie is here again. Joan will be mad when she sees this.

I have discovered some amusing things about driving my little Explorer as opposed to the big honking van.

1. Gas is affordable--you knew that was coming. ooop's I forgot my ellipse....here it is.

2. No one is scared of me anymore. I'm being treated like normal folk. They cut me off, and ride on my bumper.

3. I hear sounds in my little truck I never heard in the van. Like people honking at me. I was in my little world in the van and thought I was a good driver. Maybe not. Suddenly I feel my coat or armour is gone. I am nakid, on the highway.

Suddenly I feel like rapping again, about being nakid on the highway from hell.

But, fortunately for you, I have suppressed that feeling and gone back to regular programming. I will not subject anyone who reads my blog to my rapper tendencies, it's just not fair. Geez...Sometimes I am such an ass... ah ha... I amuse myself.

Somebody has to.