Sunday, May 29, 2011

I have a story to tell

Garry told me about his roomie today.  I was always wondering about him...something was off. 

When Garry was in the hospital the last time he had the best roomie...and that made the time go faster and he had someone to talk to...but this guy was always ... a little off.  He always watches me if the curtain is open when am I close it.

Today Garry told me this guy jerks off all the and night.  It is freaking him out.  He can hear him. Today when I was visiting the Aides put a tent up around this guys "bottom section" nobody could see what he is doing.  WTF? 

But I'm not surprised because if you spend a lot of time in the hospital sick or just visiting you see it all. 

You see the best and the worst of people. In the corridors, on the elevators or on the sidewalk outside.  Everyone has a story to tell I am sure.  We all come from different backgrounds and religions.  Winnipeg is a melting pot of all of that.  And I guess some guys that like to jerk off with a fucking feeding tube in their nose...I don't know.

It takes all kinds..

Friday, May 27, 2011

Hi there.......

Sally asked for the link to the NEW HOUSE BLOG and I put it on the side bar but it's not a direct link.  It seems I have had so much on my mind lately I totally forgot how do shit on the blogger side bar.

It is:

Don't ask me how I came up with that address...I tried so many and they were rejected I just decided to be an asshole.  As you know I'm good at that.

All the insulation has been done...the drywall was put up last week and now the tapers are in doing there thing.  I will be going in again next week to take more pics.  Actually I have a few of the insulation but they are pretty boring. 

Now we are in selling mode for this house.  I have spent countless hours trying to get the back 40 in shape, but its hard this time of year because all the trees are seeding and making such a mess.  As for the rest of it ... it has been painted inside and out in the last year or so.  De cluttering was done last fall when we thought we might be moving in not much left to do other than get someone to do all the windows.  I used to do them myself, but some of them are so high and need to be taken out to be cleaned.  They made stupid windows 25 years ago. 

I still have junk that needs hauling...but that will stay until we sell the house...or it would be empty..LOL.

We will start anew.  Only keeping our family treasures, furniture, plants and accessories we still like...and the our Penny Loafer.  And yeahhhhh all my computer shit.  Even my old Dell.  Gord says we don't have to take her and I can get a new one....I have my eye on the touch screen HP...(Dellie don't be reading this...momma is just making a joke).

Bro is still improving.  He even went out for a wheel chair ride last night with his daughter in the hospital.  He still has to be watched with food....because he was intubed for so long he has problems swallowing.  But I think he will be on solids very soon.  Because he has been bed ridden so long he has "lost his legs" so to speak and they do Physio on him now.  He is in a room right in front of the nurses station with another man who are "runners."  And have an Aide watching them all the time. 

But I think he has figured all this out and realized that he can't just get up and go anymore.  His has been tied down for almost a month because he was tearing off his tubes etc...we didn't think he knew that when he was so out of it...but he did.  He talks about it.  But he wouldn't be here if they hadn't done that.  It's so hard to explain so someone who just wants to go home. 

He asked me yesterday the date of his daughters Wedding Social. (we have pre wedding socials in Canada) and they are fun.......and I said June 18th. and he said ..I have to be there... So he is thinking positive and wants to be there for her.  Even he he can't go home by then I think he will be able to get a pass to be there.

Our wedding socials are great....people buy tickets for about 10 bucks a piece ...All their friends and family are invited to go to a hall and dance the night away....with ole fashioned food...Winnipeg Rye Bread, Salami, Kobasa, cheese, chips, and pickles.  Lets not forget the booze...  Everyone pays for their own booze  and then they have different draws all night for prizes.  What ever is left over from this goes to the bride and groom.  We had one when we got married... I loved it.  It's done a little differently today.  In my day it was supposed to be a surprise the couple puts it on themselves.  It helps to to pay for the wedding.  And that is why it was done in the first place.  It's just a start for them, as it was for us.

So I am looking forward to this...and hope all will go well.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Today he was himself

He did that the first time he was in the hospital.

I went to see  him today and he was his own self.  He was my bro again. 

Thanks again for all your stuff.  This is getting so old.  I can count the wrinkles on my face...that little bugger did to me..

We will just carry on. 


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

It is what it is.

I am taking a break.  I have to get on with my life. 

I may regret saying this but after talking to him on Monday when he was lucid...he was a total prick. He may be depressed but the things he said to me were hurtful.   He is rude to all the staff in the hospital.  He did that the last time he was in as well. 

He kept on saying "we don't want him."  He just wanted to go home.  Nothing we said would help.  But this time he said he just wanted to die because everyone thinks he is a mental case..  Then he told his wife to fuck off when she tried to explain to him that he needed to be able to walk and eat properly before he could be released.  I think..he thinks he we will put him in a mental ward or something......

I don't know where all this is coming from....but if he keeps on acting this way..they might just do that.

I have to go back's been two days off for me....

I'm not looking forward to it.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Just another day ...but another day is good.

I wish I didn't have to write my blog everyday with sadness.  I am not always sad.  One of the days I don't visit my brother I am happy.  Which is every second day. I get on with my life.  But one the day I have to go and look at what's happening to very freaking sad. 

Today the entire ICU developed some kind of infection....I had to wear a gown and gloves etc.  and he had a huge rash on his ass.  Something to do with fecal matter....don't ask.  It spread though the ICU.

WTF....if his big fat loving heart doesn't fail ass rash just might.  It never ends. 

SIL spent a lot of time together today after we left the ICU and went to the park and just talked. I could tell she needed to get a lot off of her mind.  We both did.  We talked and it felt good to know how we both felt.  She has a heavy load on her. 

What I probably haven't told you was that she foster's little FAS babies for Child and Family Services. She had done that for awhile. Hmmm yes I think I did...but anyway.....

A few days after Garry was in the hospital she had Child and Family Services get her some respite so she could get to see Garry.  On the Sunday when she went to pick them up from the respite home....little Noah had died. 
There were ambulances and fire trucks all around the house and she didn't know what was going on.  Apparently little guys like that are likely to die of  "crib death"...I know there is a better word for that...but I can't think of it now.   And that is what happened...on top of everything else.  She loved those little guys.  The other one is now in another foster home.  How much worse could this have got......we were devastated.  He was such a cute little guy ... and I got to meet him at Easter at our dinner at their house.

She is now missing her babies she loved so much and Garry....and has to go home every day after visiting hours to an empty home.  Her kids are right behind her doing what they can.....but I could see today when we were talking how much her life has changed....and she is scared silly.  And so am I. 

It is always harder on the the family than it is the patient sometimes...because he doesn't quite get it...Sometimes I'm thankful he doesn't.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Sorry for not posting for awhile... it's been pretty stressful.  Bro went into cardiac arrest after he was released from ICU into a ward.  Some how his food tube became dislodged and sent the food into his lungs...yeah.  He was doing really good there, but something went wrong.  He is now back in the ICU and we are starting this crap all over again. 

Today they took him off the ventilator and he is breathing on his own.  They had to drain all the that shit out of his lungs first.  God only knows how much damage that did to his heart and lungs.  He was awake yesterday and I got to talk to him several times ..but he is so weak and is still coming out of this second event.

Will fill you in this weekend....I'm so tired all the time...just from thinking.  I just want to sleep and not think.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I have to write this quick

Explorer keeps knocking me off here.  I wrote the longest post yesterday only to find that blogger saw no need for me to keep in touch either.  Bastards..

Quick update:  Bro is still in limbo.  He is awake, but still very tired.  I have been there 3 times now and he has been asleep and I can't wake him up.  I always manage to come after he has had visitors and that tuckers him out.  For is a long journey to the hospital because it is on the other side of when he was stabilized I only go every two days.  His family keeps me up to date when I don't go that day.  It is so disappointing to just have to sit there and watch him snore.  I left a message on our family board in his room that I have been there....but hey...I want to hear his voice.  Tomorrow.  Hopefully he will be awake...or I might have to set a firecracker under his ass.

In my long winded post yesterday I was telling you about Hospital Parkades.  We call any parking facility over two stories a Parkade.  So keep that in mind.  Long story short:

In the last week and a half I have learned a lot of stuff .....

I have lost my truck and wandered around a parkade this very scary part of town trying to find it.

Elevators don't always take you to where you are going. And sometimes they don't even open up.

Always carry lots of change .. or a credit card because you will never get out of the parkade without it.  3 bucks for half an hour. Make sure you tell the person you are visiting  you care alot about them in a hurry unless you want to hit the 6.00 dollar mark.

Always ... look around you in the parkade it's a pretty scary place.  Especially downtown like this one is.

Parking is the pits my friends.  On Friday I had to park on the highest level of the freaking Parkade.  Level #5.  The level of the devil.  When SIL and I were in my Bro's room which overlooks the parkade I told her we could see my truck from there.  I was all ..hey...look there is my truck!   Garry was still sleeping at that time. So there was not much else to talk about.

I left before she did....and apparently she saw me on the 5th. level wandering around looking for my fucking truck. I'm sure she was laughing.... it wasn't there....the truck I was looking at from the hospital window was another black SUV...but not mine.  To make this story shorter and a little less embarrassing...I found it on the 4th. floor.  But that came at some cost.  Okay the story will be a little longer...

While of the 5th. floor floundering around like a big ole beached whale looking for my beloved rusty ole truck ... I spotted an elevator at the far end.  NOT the elevator I took up there.  This was a new shiny elevator.  I was a little sceptical at first but  I hopped in and decided to go back to the 1st. floor and find the bread crumbs I had left on my path to the 5th. floor when I first started my journey. I entered #1 and as I started down I realized I must be at a different part of the huge hospital system....this elevator had windows and I could see the street below.  (SIL saw me in the elevator too..haaa)...but when I got to the the 1st. floor the door would not open.  Dear God....I was beside myself with all this bullshit...I just wanted to sit down and cry.  But instead of trying to get help I punched all the floors from 2-5 and it went back up one floor at a time.  My reasoning was it had to stop at least one of these floors and open... It.did.not.  Here I was again...on the fucking 5th floor...and the door would not open.  I punched #1 again ... and down I went again.  As I was sitting on the ground level ... and thanking God for not letting me get thrown down the elevator shaft in the basement ... I was so upset I couldn't even find the panic button. I decided to punch #1 again.... and the DOOR OPENED.  I ran out of the building.

I ran over a few people in wheelchairs...wiped out a few on walkers...sideswiped a few who were having a smoke in front of the building.  I found the cross walk back to the Parkade...put on my thinking cap... and figured I was probably parked on the 4th floor.  This time I did not take the elevator...I took the stairs.  I found my baby in about 2 minutes.  My SIL had witnessed most of this from my brothers room.  I'm pretty sure that is why she never let me babysit the kids when they were young.

Went home and drank a bottle of wine. Smoked a pack of cigs's ...did some LSD...and yeah...just mellowed out.  Actually it was more like 2 Tylenol and magic mushroom soup.   heh.

Hospitals are stressful enough....but trying to figure out the system is worse.  Just a time I go I will write the parking spot number on my ticket.  Oh's fun getting out of there too.  First you have to go to a pay station and present the ticket you got when you came in. (If you can find it) ...nutter story.  You stick it in the machine and it yells at you....PLEASE INSERT ALL YOUR ?DOLLARS...and as you are inserting your 100.00 keeps telling you to do this over and over ...until you want to kick it's ass.  The overhead camera is the only thing that keeps me from coming down the ramp with my SUV after I have paid and taking it out.

I'm going back for more tomorrow.  Bro better be awake because I has a lot of stories to tell him.  And tomorrow I think I might look for street parking ....which is at a premium.

Don't let me forget to tell you about how I put streaks in my hair today.  Why get a professional do what you can fuck up all by yourself?

Anyone want to send me a hat? 

Balonie...treading carefully....

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Still touch and go

They were still trying to get him awake when I was in the hospital today.  He has almost  been weaned off the med's that made him sleep to get all his stuff rested up.  For the first time we were encouraged to talk loudly and touch him.  And touch him and talk loud...we did.  SIL and I went in early afternoon ... only to find my cousin...Garry's best friend was there and he was touching and feeling him...and talking loud.  He got him to open his eyes several times.  After he left we took over and Joan (yes my SIL is named Joan) not balonie however.... and we started talking to him.  Joan took his arm and rubbed it and started talking to him and asked if he could open his eyes....he tried so hard and he got them half open...then off he went again.  We kept on doing this for some time and finally his arms and hands started to move.  His eyes would open occasionally but he would always drift off.  The nurses were all ready for him because they said some people wake up FAST and they get agitated and start pulling out all their tubes so they tied his hands down ... just in case.  They want everything to slow and smooth. 

When I left I took his arm and rubbed it for awhile...then I asked him to open his beautiful brown eyes ... and he did.  Just for a moment.  Then I spoke Low German to him and threatened him that if he wasn't awake by tomorrow morning....I would make him eat rabbit shit like I did when we were kids.  So I'm hoping that will work.  He would have done the same for me.

So tomorrow should give us more news ... and we will proceed from there. 

Somebody tape that kid's ears down....and I am really sorry I kicked his baby tooth out.  We were fun fighting on the bed.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Not too much to report

He is still in ICU.  They put him on a ventilator yesterday because he was pulling the mask off every time he felt unable to breathe properly. Then they sedated him because he was very anxious.  That helped immensely with his breathing and his heart rate.  By the time I left on Friday he had settled down and was breathing pretty good.  But on Friday night he started to get agitated again and they thought it would be best to put him on the ventilator.  I might be saying this all backwards...but as of today he is still on the vent but of course he started a low grade fever....fuck!   The prognosis is that he has Congestive Heart Failure. He has fluid built up around his lungs/heart making breathing very hard.

 I pretty much figured that out three weeks ago when he was in there, but they were too busy trying to cope with the blood infection he got after his stent replacement.  He had the same kind of breathing problems but they him some kind of drug ( I can't remember the name) to flush it out.  And that worked and his breathing became normal.  Now.... this time round... I don't know what is going on. 

Apparently the best thing is to keep him quite and not to get him going.  He has never really seen me there because he has been sleeping when I come and when I go.  I would rather see that than what I saw when I got there of Friday when he was trying to catch a breath.  It was disturbing.

I didn't go the facebook route with this ...this time ...because it was too serious and I didn't really want people that I barely know .. or are just friends of friends.. that are on my list to get involved.  I wanted to keep it low key with my best friends on blogger who I trust and feel comfortable with.

So thank you very much for all your kind words.  And to my friend Jude who has gone through this experience many times with her husband ... I keep the words you wrote when Fred was going through all of the same thing in my mind.  And Fred is still I take comfort in that.

On another note:  It's freaking snowing!!!  We have a couple of inches that came down today.  Dog is very confused.  But of course this is just gives her a reason to piss on the deck.  Snow does not = lawn.  Snow wins.

Thanks again for listening to my woes.....

Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours, to see

Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.

Balonie.......and Doris Day!