Sunday, July 31, 2005

We deserve each other

A week or two back, I was bitching about Gord falling for the contractor's tale about fixing our roof on our rental property. Well, the guy came on Friday, and did a bang up job. Joan 0 - Gord 1. I was asked very nicely to "say I am sorry for making me scared and crazy with all your carazy misgivings". I did. But hesitantly. Because that's the way I am. It could happen again and I would not be prepared, because one fix-it guy actually came through. It doesn't happen very often in our life. That is my god given job, to be skeptical and scare the ever livin crap otta him..that's probably the most fun.

The last few weeks we have been secretly laughing at our tenants. When they first discovered the leak in their roof, they frantically called Gord on the Cel and said there was BUCKETS of water POURING in their bedroom!! Gord called me because I work just down the back lane and told me to go over and check it out, because he was at a service call and couldn't get back. I went over, and they had a big old turkey roaster sitting in the middle of the floor catching the..drip (another minute later) drip (another two minutes later) get it. Buckets Schmuckets!! There was just a slow little dripping going on fortheloveofadove. I reported back to my superior, and we laughed at them. After the roof was fixed, we continued to laugh about the exaggerated BUCKETS of water coming in their bedroom. Not a day went by when we didn't bring it up and laugh again.

On Saturday night about 11:00 PM...God was giving us quite a light show, and the wind started to pick and it started to rain BUCKETS!! We sat at the living room window and watched it pour. While we watching, we laughed again and commented .."Now, this is what a bucket of rain really looks like". HA. HA. Two minutes later, I said to hear something leaking?... I hear a dripping noise. We looked up at the beam in my office upstairs, and sure as god made little green was leaking and dripping down to an electrical outlet. We were scrambling to get a pail on the ledge to catch the water.

I couldn't find a pail, so I got an old aquarium and set it on the ledge. That puppy holds 10 gallons, I knew I couldn't go wrong. If that didn't work, we could always get out the turkey roasting pan. Gord went down to the basement and found the water was coming from a leak around the chimney and it was pouring BUCKETS down there too. Fuzz...Gord 0 - Joan 0. The moral of this story is: don't be laughing at other people, because it will come and bite you on the ass. We so deserve each other!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

I Shit You Not

That little ass-wipe is still there. Well don't blame me it's blogger fault. Okay not really, I thought I was being cleaver, but now it biting me in the arse!

I was doing a little thinking today..don't look so surprised! I haven't put out a blog with any content in quite awhile, maybe never..but I have tried. Summer is a bummer, I just want to be outside sitting on the deck, playing with the pup, and mucking about with my pond. I think everyone knows what I mean. I'm not the kinda person that can stay up late to blog, because I gotta get up for work the next day, so I just put out a little crap at a time. And I will put somemore crap out again.

So, I thought tonight whilst I had a few moments I would take you back in time. Picture it...1887 This was the year I was born. Yes, I am that old. I married Gord in 1905, because it was proper in those days to put the "she" childs out for marryin' young. I didn't mind cause he was a mighty good looking manchild. I had me doubts..yes..because I didn't want to give up my father's name. In marryin' him, that would be expected of me. I tossed and turned over that one, until my daddy tole me one day, "girl"...don't give it a thought, your momma took my name and you should do the same. I replied "Father" frikkin way, I want my old name. I tossed my pigtails in the air and stamped my pretty little feets. He said "girl" you have to do what tradition dictates...or I won't pay for your wedding!!

Okay. nevermind then. pheww that was close.

So, in the autumn of 1905 I married my sweetheart Gord. It was a traditional Mennonite wedding (except we had booze and we danced). Wedding guests came from far and wide to bless these nuptials. Gord's side of the family pulled up in a spiffy new buggy, with a horse the size of Godzilla pulling it. They were know to be a little showoff's.

Shut-up, this is a true story.

After the ceremony and all the Ido's had been said, we had a gigantic pig roast. Men, opened up there flasks of home-brew and the women set out to get the feast ready.

Once everyone was fed, and the horses watered, all the men had fallen down drunk. Drunk as skunks I tells you. This was the time everyone looked forward too, all the women folk would form a circle around the drunken skunks, holding hands and singing old Joan Baez songs. As the circle moved in closer to the drunken men, the women would spit on them. Once the spitting was finished they would move in even closer and start chanting...WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND WE WON'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I shit you not.

Before the women got any closer, and louder, the town constable would move in and try to calm them down. They spit on him too. Then it was my turn to move in the circle of the drunken men. I found Gord in the heap, and removed hims trousers and called him a dirty rotten MF'r. I then took his pants and threw them up a tree for good luck! And we lived happily ever after.

You see the moral of this story is: If you find your husband drunk, throw his pants in a tree. It's been a tried and true recipe for a good and happy marriage.

Now, who spiked me drink?

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I don't know what it is with blogger

I have tried unsuccessfully to take Cartmans big ass off my profile. I put up a nice butterfly animation...and Cartman is still there. Damn you Cartman, you have now infiltrated me blog..move on..moon someone else, you freak.

Did you guys hear that the US is going to make daylite savings time longer..until November sometime?...And the Canadian Government will follow suit!! Well Jeez Louisa!...I don't like that one teenie tiny bit. It will mean I will have to get up in the dark to go to work, and even if we do have some daylight when I get home I will be putting on my lights anyway because it will be dusk. This is supposed to be a energy cost saver..paleese.. Correct me if I am wrong. I hate daylite savings time at the best of puts me all outta whack. I can't imagine what it does to the little tots when there whole day and bedtimes get all screwed up.

Well, that's me little rant for the night.

Monday, July 25, 2005

I give up

It has cooled off considerably here, it almost feels like fall..thank you Lord! I actually have no point with this post (or any other post mind you) but I will ramble on for a bit.

But, did you know what GORD did on Saturday?.. I am still shaking me head. We have a old rental house beside our building that needs a new roof. The house will be torn down in a few years anyway to make way for more parking, so we thought we would just do a patch job. Gord hired some jerk out of the newspaper to do it. All we wanted was some shingle sheeting material put over the old shingles, so it would last a few more years. The guy, I should say the swindler, tells Gord (who believes anyone who says he is a Mennonite) that he can do the job the next day, all Gord has to do is give him 300.00 bucks for the material. When Gord told me this, my "radar" was in high alert....I told him, to pick up the material himself and NOT give the any money up front. I told him this at 11:00 AM Sat. morning, he came back home at 1:30 and said he gave the guy 300.00 to pick up the material. (but being the cleaver guy he is, he went to Home Depot to see if the guy went there after he gave him the money) why the fuck did he not just get it himself???? He said the guys truck was there...and I was such a naysayer...blah blah..piss

I put my head in the oven.

Good thing I didn't turn the dern thing on, or I woulda missed the rest of the story whilst I was taking my dirt nap. The guy was supposed to come on Sunday morning at 10:00 AM to start the job. You all know what happened..dontcha....the guy left a message on his answering machine sayin he had pulled a muscle in his back and was going to the Chiropractor today, and would let him know on Tuesday if he was able to do the job.

I put my head in the dryer.

I so specifically said: Do not get creeps out of the paper, go to the reputable places!! So, lets see if the guy shows up, or says his grandmother died, his trailer burned down..or he just leaves town. Oh my trusting soul of a husband. In his mind, he still lives in the country, where you could trust your neighbor's.

The world don't waggle thata way anymore.

He thinks just because he gives everyone a fair shake in his business he will be treated the same way when he wants something done, and it just isn't so.

Does anyone want our money?........just ask, he will give it to you, all you have to be is Mennonite, and talk nice to him...fertheloveofit.. I told him a hundred times when he was hiring this guy, I don't care where he comes from, even if he comes from our old home town, get it in writing..

Oops..update: He just told me before he went to bed that he only gave the guy 180.00 ...300.00 was the full price of the job...okay then ..I'll take my head of the microwave. After all what 180.00 bucks!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

I need a little respect ya know

I asked Gord, very nicely, to take a picture of me for my blog. I am getting tired of Cartman taking off his pants up there in the right hand corner. He was more than delighted, which should have given me my first clue. We went down into the living room and he told me where I should be standing etc. (and all the while he was laughing, but I didn't catch on). At the best of times he's a little verklapsed in the head. He took 5 pictures of me standing here, then there, then over there..etc. directing me all the while Then he said he had to go and do a service call which he was already late for. Boom, he was gone. He was still chuckling when he left.

I took the camera to my computer and started to unload them. Well, for the loveofthatshithead, he had guided me all around the room where there was something directly above me head. I have pictures on top of my head, a pointy wall plaque, a plant and one very disturbing one....A LAMPSHADE!! Does he know me ..or what!! I was on the cell so fast!! When he answered and heard it was me...he was still laughing, stupid bugger.

Just look at this, I have a lampshade on my head, and I wasn't even drinking. Of course I have my usual hoodie on too.

I think this is grounds for divorce.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Pond Scum Update

The area of our city finally got sprayed for those mofo's...and I got into my garden, without having a blood transfusion when I left. I bow to malathion, and if it kills me I will sue. opps could be a little late. I will leave a note in my Will for a class action suit..then maybe Gord can get his 60.00 bucks back after I croak.

Anywho, when I got into my garden tonight I discovered new critters had hatched. I shit you not. I hope they aren't mutants from the spraying. Maybe I should be keeping my windows and door closed at night in case they multiply. Nothing worse than a bunch of plastic critters trying to find there way back to Wal Mart ...growing bigger by the minute..tromping through my backyard, into the street..causing havok in the cul de sac. No we can't have that.

Did you see Mr.Duck? How did he get in my bird bath..little begger.

I loves turtles, they are so cool, they have their own RV right on their back. They just pull under for the night...and it's done man. No paying big bucks for a campsite.

I will be keeping a prudy good eye on them tonight...if I see one of them move.. I will throw a Hairy Putter book at em..and hope he can cure the curse...cause from hearsay, that guy is good. I know, a lot of Harry..(jeez it hard not writing hairy)...okay Harry Potter fans will want to stone me. Go ahead, take your best shot. But really I likes munchkins so I would probably like Harry and his like. I actually saw the first movie about three weeks ago...and I loved it...I was getting there, I have to admit. I guess I's getting old and just can't get into fantasyland anymore..and yes that is sad. But, I admire those who can take the time to sit down, and..fuck the world, and say, I am now going to let this book take me away. My life is always so busy and fraught with different shit, I can't (or don't) take time for dreaming. Good on you Harry Potter fans, and maybe I will one day take the time to get out of my own skin.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I stopped at Value Village on my way home from work

...and now I have cooties.

I did a little layover at the thrift shop on my way home to see if they had any "tops" as I likes to call them. You see all my "tops" seem to have got a little shorter this year, and are not covering my big frigging tummy. Something on my upper end has enlarged, making my "tops" ride up jest a bit. Oh yeah! So, it seems I have this bulge showing below my waist. I spent about an hour going over other peoples rejects, finding nothing but polyester striped golf shirts. You see, I only need these type of shirts for about two days a year because it will get cold again, and kerplunk..its over rover. I tried on 4 "tops" that I might have considered wearing (in the house) not to work. The first one was a bright yellow, which made me look like I had the Asian flu, and lost. The second one was baby poo green, and it was made for a way bigger gal than me, it sort of flared at the bottom..was I in the maternity section perhaps?..I dunno. The third was purple, and it obviously needed a red hat to go with it, to join some old red hat ladies society. The forth and final.. was denim.. now that was more like it..but guess had cooties.. I was itching, scratching and sneezing after I tried it on, but it was pretty...but it had cooties I am sure. I left in the dressing room floor, picked up my flip flops and made a bee line for the door.

That will teach me for being cheap. I went home and had a shower.

I have a major problem with "tops", I have to have a hoodie..yeah I know it sounds weird, but I need a hoodie on anything I wear on TOP. I never put the hood up, I just like it to be there. Mental huh? I must have 35 sweatshirts, T-shirts etc...and they all have hoods. Today I was looking for something lighter, and hoodless. No such luck. So, I will have to wear my old crappy worn out T shirts for the rest of the summer (okay 4 days).


On another note, my playful manner has got me into a wee bit of trouble. Last Monday Gord asked one of his customers to drop of $60.00 cash at my office for a service call he had done for the guy. Gord wasn't going to be in his office, which is right next to the office I work. It seemed like a good idea. hmmmmm. Anyway, the guy came in and introduced himself and asked if I was Joan and could he drop off the money. I said yes, I was expecting him, and we exchanged pleasantries, and he gave me the $60.00 bucks. As he was going out the door, I said to him laughingly "you don't expect that I will actually give this money to my husband, I'm going to keep it!" I am such a laugh a minute. And then we all laughed again HA HA..and I put the money in my purse, thinking I would drop it off at his office later.

Yesterday, Gord asked me if the guy ever came in to pay for his bill. I froze...fortheloveofsixtybucks...where did I put it? I tore my purse apart. No money, anywhere. Okay then.

I remembered I folded the three twenty dollar bills and put them in a little zippered section on the outside of my purse where I keep my car keys. I checked the I tore the section apart.. Geez was gone. At one time or another I must have taken my keys out of that section and the money fell out. Usually I stop at the grocery store on the way home, and always take my keys out at the cashiers station, ...yes, because I am anal..I like to be ready with my keys and then gather up my groceries and have the remote ready to open the door of my van in the parking lot. I guess it might have fallen out of my purse then. I was so mortified. Gord works so hard for his money, and I go and loose it!! Colour me shit. He totally understood it was a mistake, but I still feel like a glob of turkey intestines.

Well, I am finally getting back to normal. I'm starting to work on my family vacation blog, a little slow going, but I'll get her done.

Later gators!!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Good Monday Morning to ya all

By the time you see this it will be Monday.

I have spent a few hours today trying to write a meaningful post instead of a just this and that. So, it will take a day or two to get it done. I was thinking of all the good vacations my parents took us on when we were young, and I'm trying to find all the pic's to go along with it. It's going to be a nice journey going down memory lane. I haven't walked that path for sometime now. With my brothers heart problems being foremost in my mind these days, writing about family is comforting.

It's funny how things can change so drastically from one week to the next. Two weeks ago..the fart jar made me laugh...but now it seems so insignificant. Maybe once I get over the dread of the phone ringing in the middle of the night with bad news, I will be able to relax.

So, I'll see you guys next week, hopefully I will have time to finish it. Yes, I know I will....I have to, even if it's not going to be a great "read" will be something I can keep for my memories.

Friday, July 15, 2005

I know..I have been a no show

I am trying to get caught up after last weeks fiasco...I have left everything for this weekend..and ya know how that goes.

I still have not been able to get into my garden and pond to play with all my ugly garden gnomes,because of, yes you know..Mr. Mosquito. Well, by this time tomorrow, they will all be dead...yes dead..dead as doorknobs..dead. And I will not attend their funeral. The city is spraying our area tonight. I cannot take much more of this, I tried to sit out on the deck and do stuff in the yard, but there are droves of them blood sucking purple people eaters...everywhere. I was reminded of my friend Janis's B.Day two weeks ago, when one of her hippy friends, said.. "I could never kill anything..Not even a mosquito." Some nay sayers questioned her very stupid remark, and asked.."what do you do when a mosquito bites you?"..she cocked her pretty little old head, and said, I just shooo them away. Well gosh and by golly. If my girlfriend wouldn't have had me in a head lock, I would have spit in her vegetarian chip dip.

Last night the "City" announced that spraying the city would be happening this weekend...with no exceptions. They used to let people have a boundary around their property as a spray zone. So, sure as hell, all the berkenstocker lunatics came out trying to block the city trucks from getting out of their compound to do the spraying. They were wearing gear only seen in Iraq..huge breathing apparatuses.. Lordy. The police had to ask them to either leave the city on the night of the spraying, or take a ride in their squad car..

God, just give me a few days of our short summer to go out and enjoy my deck and my garden! Of course a friend of mine emailed me yesterday from BC and said .."we never see a mosquito here"...I hate her. I hate anyone who has moved from Manitoba to a mosquito free zone, and shove it in my face..nevermind the winter crap they try to shove up my butt too. I love it here..I only wish to visit your mosquito free zones when it suit me fancy. Got it?

After work today I went to Superstore to return an impulse purchase. I lost my watch two weeks ago, and could not find it anywhere. It was just an old cheapie, but I liked it. So I went to SS and bought a new one..awww she was a pretty thing, nice and feminine looking an all..not like my old industrial one I had. After the weekend I had lost it, I found it!!..I had taken it off and put it on the counter at work on Friday when I was washing up ALL THE DIRTY CUPS IN THE SINK. Opps, did I sound a little mad, well yeah...If I don't do it, they would all be dead from some kind of cup poisoning. Okay, I found my watch. So, it took me until today to return that beautiful watch. whaa.. I just couldn't justify keepin it. anywho.

I pulled into SS with my big horking van..people were scattering like bugs..they don't mess with this sucker. I knew from the moment I walked down the sidewalk and encountered their discount plant center I was in trouble. Hey, its the middle of July and all the perennials are on sale. Most of them looked like someone had pissed on them, but for 1.50, I can fix that. Usually most are 10.00 bucks at the beginning of the season.

I immediately came across some prairie grasses, which really interest me because of my pond. I was just touching all of them, caressing their long leaves and such, when a Filipino lady came up beside me, and started asking me question about perennial plants. She was so cute, and so short. She said.."do you know bout such plants that grow next year?".. I said I knew a few things. She said.. "I likes to easier gardening..I don't like to alvays go plant same stuff over and over". I pointed out the grasses, but she more interested in some other half dead ones..She asked over and over.."will dees grow for me, an will dees have flowers?"..I explained I had no idea what they were, but for a 1.50 go for it. As I was leaving she mentioned the friggin mosquitoes..."thems bad.. always gettin in mys nose"......yeah in mines too I said.

So it goes in the prairies, but by next week we should be over it if it doesn't rain anymore..and if it does...piss on it, but I would really like to be sitting on my beautiful deck overlooking my half finished pond. It will come. I love fall, so by that time I will have it finished. I have booked my two weeks vacation for the fall to enjoy the fruits of my labour. Hey the balonie isn't that stupid..she knows summer in the city..ain't so pretty.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Bebby bro is home

i just talked to him..he's home safe and sound. He managed a little walk this afternoon..which he should so have not starts already...I feel sooo sorry form my SIL who will now be monitoring him day and night.

Garry was a nut case last night when I saw him in the ICU...he just wanted out..and I can't blame him, because the ICU in not a good place to windows, no nothing for 7 straight days..and he had only the nurses to chat up...which he did at length ..he thinks he's a charmer..and he is. I was always the shy one in the family (yes I am..and still am if I don't know the company I am in). If I was ever to meet any internet friends I think I would have to take a huge dose of mind altering drugs..cause I gets a little afraid. That's why I love to blog, I don't have to on one, that makes the balonie a leetle nervous...and they might want to hug me fortheloveofmike...I'm so stupid.

Anyhow, for now either the worst is over, or about to start...I don't like heart related issues. I'm more about paper cuts, much safer. I'm crossing my fingers and my toes..he takes him med's as prescribed, takes it easy, manages his diabetes..which I think is part of the whole problem. I don't think he realizes how important that is.

Unless anything else comes up..I hope I can start talking about something else for shits sake..I'm tired of this crap and if anyone is listening I am sure you are too.

BTW.. my pond looks like shit...I can't even get near it in the garden, the mosquitoes are sooooo bad!! On the far side of the garden I have a whole row of raspberry bushes that are ripe. I tried to pick a few today, but got bombarded by those little fuckers....

Okay, guess I will have a little ice-cream cup and hit the hay.

Just a note to SK..Iffn you be reading this..I couldn't put a comment in your blog today, but I hope your bidness picks up. Gord has been having the same problem since July 1st. ..everyone leaves the city for the lake or beyond for holiday. He was getting a little worried, but slowly its coming back. Being your own boss has it's ups and downs I tell ya. Like the bank manager cares..ummpph

Sunday, July 10, 2005

It's hot and humid in the PEG

We are not even close to Florida...I see no reason for the humidity. Why would it come here. We don't have alligators? I don't get it.

My friggin smoke alarm has rang every ..count them (3) minutes all day today. The dog is sitting on the floor with her paws around her ears, and I am madly waving and tea towel at the sumambitch... I can't take out the batteries because it hooked up direct. Fuzz. I think the problem is that I am doing laundry and the dryer is putting more humidity in the air. I have got the air conditioning on full tilt...but it is oppressing today, nothing is helping.

Gordon tried to kill himself and me this morning. It was sooo humid, but he said he had to GET things done here today. Faaaa.. because it rains every Sunday and shit does not get done on our day off....and yes he is right. Our yard looks like a piece of crap (street side) because we dug the lawn up to get the water away from the basement in spring, plus we had a whole muther load of sand waiting to be put under the front stairs sitting on the driveway.

We had water coming in our basement this spring, because the Mr. did not fix the eaves as mentioned once before in another bitchin blog..and all the water went into the weeping tiles..then into the rec room.., the worst day in the world he decides to pull up 1000 pounds of patio stones and put sand underneath the stairs...and you know..this is even to hard to explain..because it was so stupid I can't believe I actually tried to help him...because I was afraid he was going to get heat stroke or a heart attack..which has been very much in my mind these days.

By the time we finished shoveling and packing the sand under the front stairs,and then lining up the patio put them back in place (which will never happen) because every one of those suckers leaned a little left or right to HIS satisfaction. It was so damn hot. I had a shovel...and I was just about to one more nitpicking would have been over his head.. was just the "heat" talking!! was close.

I have a word of advice to women who are thinking or marrying men that are over achievers... or jest plain stupid .. RUN RUN..cause sure as hell you will wind up trying to help them overachieve..or..overstupid..themselves..because you have so much time invested...

On the bright side, he just came home and made that smoke alarm go off..okay then ..ignore the above sentence...for now. Nevermind!!


Saturday, July 09, 2005

Good News

We found out last night that Garry won't be needing an operation after all. I am sure glad God didn't find me too annoying after all!! After a weeks worth of waiting and Dr. deliberations, they finally came to a consensus last night. They are no longer calling it a heart attack...they have a new EPISODE .. hmmm (do ya think)? Apparently, his preexisting diabetes condition comes into play here somewhere. Sludgie blood seems to be the culprit. So, he will be on blood thinners to combat any further "episodes". His heart attack was apparently not a classic, he did not have chest pains, but shortness of breath and arm pain. Therefore the Doc's have been doing endless tests to see where the problem lies. They believe this will do the trick. Let's hope so! He should be out by Tuesday.

Thanks to all of you who sent me encouraging messages, it means a lot.

I'm off the hospital to make fun of him, now that I know he's going to be okay!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Just waiting for the weekend

Tomorrow Garry gets the angioplasty... Balonie is getting somewhat somber.. this is to close for comfort. It's always fun and games till someone looses their "heart." I'm going to have a talk with the "big guy ..upstairs" tonite... I hope he remembers me.. because sometimes I is a little remiss in my talks with him.

GOD, "it's me balonie" talking..."you know the one who only prayed and prayed when her mother was dying"..."well it's me again".. I have another dilemma...could you help me out here?
Yes god, I am a shit head...I don't contact you when things are running smoothly, I only try to get your attention when things screw up....and I wouldn't blame you for ignoring me this time, because I am with out a doubt annoying. But, if you don't want to do it for me, then could you do it for my SIL and my nieces..who dearly love their daddy.

I will know your answer tomorrow...

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Just an update

Went to see my bebby bro today after work. He is looking fine, bored, a little scared, and a little ornery. He is still in ICU being tracked from every orifice..but he is doing okay. He will be having a what I call a "Angel Plasty"..LOL on Friday...where they put a long tube in his leg to his heart of hearts and blow up a balloon to smash all the bad stuff out. I hope I haven't got too technical for ya'all..

He was in a really good mood, and we laughed and the ole days. I have always been the "teaser" in the family, and when I get going on something, I just don't give up.. shut-up I know!!

Gord and Garry ( my bro) were discussing our vehicle woes (not any of them work right) whilst I was looking at a booklet he had on his night table. It was one of those...Heart Attack booklets which explained..."what you have done wrong"...and now "how to make it right." There were questionnaire's in there where he and his nurse filled out. He lied at least two times that I could see..bugger.. It said..Do you smoke: NO..Ahem... I called him on it and he said that was not a lie, because he does not smoke hasn't smoked since Monday when he had the heart attack...jezzzzzlouise..denial be your name bebby bro. ahhhhh

Anyway, the booklet had much more interesting stuff in it. It said on Week 1 of your release from the hospital you will be restricted in certain activities, and the following are the activities we recommend: (just a few) light duties such as dishwashing ...short walks...taking a bogger out of your nose...okay I am making some of it up...but there really was one that said ..knitting...
that one struck my funny bone. When the guys had finished up the "guy" talk I told Garry, he would have to start knitting when he got out... I said "look, it says that here right in your heart attack book." He told me to then, I knew I had his attention. I brought knitting into every conversation after that, until he told me to leave LOLLLLL... good times, just like the old days. I quit it about 15 minutes before we left, and we said our goodbyes and hugged and stuff. As we were leaving he asked me to change the channel on the TV that was across the isle from his bed. I tried to, but I couldn't reach it because it was one of those that are anchored high on the wall. The nurse came by and asked me if she could help, I said yes, he wanted to watch a different station. She asked me what he wanted to watch... and before he could answer..I said......guess what "The Knitting Channel".. HAAAAA...he gave me the "finger" when I left...with a huge smile on his bebby face..

I am so sorry I tricked him into eating rabbit turds when he was young:) I am only telling my stories, if he were to tell some, he would let you guys know the tricks he pulled on me...some good one's I tells you. And our love for comedy albums....we had every one that was out in the late 60's to 80's...and pissed our pants laughing.

Just the two of us...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I got the scare of my life....AGAIN

The phone woke me up early this morning. My SIL was on the line. She told my brother had a heart attack last night. He was in the ICU at the Health Science Center. My heart fell to my feet. My little bro!!! I bombarded her with questions, poor thing, she gave me the low down, and told me to call his ICU nurse for more information if I needed it. She and the kids were very tired after being up since 12:00 the night before.

I called, and they told me he was holding his own. They didn't give me what I wanted to hear...I wanted to hear HE IS GOING TO BE OKAY!!! PALESSE.. The nurse calmed me down and said I could see him after 10:00 this morning. It was 7:00 AM, I had three hours to wait until I could see with my own eyes how he was doing. It was the longest three hours I have ever spent. I cleaned out the toaster, windexed everything that was not shiny, made the bed, swept the floor, and cleaned out a junk drawer before it was time to go.

When I got there, he looked suprisingly good! He starting insulting me(in a good way) right away, so I knew he wasn't brain damaged or anything. He has a temporary pace maker on his neck and tubes coming out all over his body hooked up to a heart monitor. The doc told him he has major blockage to his heart from the main valve. The plan is to remove that and insert the pace-maker ...and then he's good to go!! I doubt if it will be that easy. He is very restless just laying there, he's the kind of guy that can't sit still for a minute. We only stayed for 3/4 of an hour, I didn't want to over do it. I helped him with his dinner, which was hard for him to reach because of all the tubing..we shot the shit for awhile and I could see he was tired so we left. I gave him a big kiss and I'll see him tomorrow, that is if I can find my way there. This hospital is the largest one in Winnipeg plus it way out on the other side of town. Gord dropped bread crumbs on our way there this morning so I can find it by myself tomorrow!! I will have to drive his truck, because my big horking van won't fit in the parkade.."it really is...always something!!"

I'm still feeling very scared. He and I have always been so close, even if we don't see each other all the time. My poor neice was on the phone with me this morning crying her little heart out. She is only 19 years old, and needs her daddy still. We did virtual hugs. I hope to see them all tomorrow.

Wish him luck, he's going to need it, and a few well placed prayers!!

Monday, July 04, 2005

I got the scare of me life!!

I went grocery shopping on Thursday before the long weekend. When I came home, I decided not to let the dog out right away, because I wanted to pick up all her TOYS on the lawn before I mowed it...and if I let her out she thinks it's a big play time and keeps bringing them back. I went into the shed and took out the lawn mower. As I was pulling it back into the yard, I noticed something yellow on the far side of the yard just underneath an old overgrown apple tree. I starting walking towards it, not really thinking, but just curious, and as I got closer it could see it was a chain saw...hmmm I was thinking Gord finally bought a chain saw for our jungle..but before I could get all my thoughts together...A MAN WALKED OUT FROM THE UNDERBRUSH..towards me. I freaked. All my brain could comprehend was "CHAIN SAW/BIG MAN DRESSED IN BLACK." I backed up so quickly I caught my leg on the mower an damn near did a "face plant"...He picked up the chain saw and started walking towards me...and was talking to me...but all I could hear was a roaring in my ears and panic. Finally after what seemed an eternity, he yelled, I am Earl's friend from next door. Okay, I was thinking, I know Earl, but who the fuck are you? I didn't say anything. I had myself positioned behind the lawnmower in case he got any closer so I could put some distance between us. He kept on getting closer, and was apologizing for scaring me, and said my husband had told our neighbour Earl, that he could trim the trees that were hanging over his property, and Earl had asked him to do it because he had a chain saw. I said ..why are you on my property? I would assume you would be taking the branches off from the other side of the fence!..Shit head. He explained that they were too big and he wanted to make a nice job of it....and he "raped" two of my trees the MOFO. He had everything cut right to the limit. I was so friggin pissed at him. I just told him, to finish up and I would be talking to "Earl" about this.

That guy would have been absolute "toast" if I had let out my dog to begin with..she don't take lightly to strangers.

Apparently the neigbours went on holiday before I could approach them on this, but this is such total "balonie"...I am so pissed. My naturally blonde hairs turned grey in a micro-second.

When Gord got home, I asked him if he had given permission for the neighbours to cut our trees. He said, he couldn't remember doing that. He said he had talked to Earl a week back or so, and they had just made small talk over the fence.

The real shitter is, it was just a few branches...cut them off from your side of the fence..we don't care...but do not come on my property!!!..and scare the bejeesus outta me.

So when Earl comes home..we will have a talk. I hate shit like that. We are good neighbours, but we don't make friends with all of them. We wave "hello" etc., make small talk etc. We mostly stay to ourselves, because Gord is in the Appliance business, and guess who is your biggest friend when their washer, dryer, fridge, stove, etc. goes...Your neighbour...who wants it done for nothing, BECAUSE he is now your new best friend. We have gone through this for 30 years, everywhere we live, once they know he is an appliance repair guy...they want a piece of him. It's terrible, and he's a guy that can't say no!! So, when we moved here, we decided we would would stay to ourselves, and if there were some people we could trust, we would socialize with them. So far there is two...and we help each other with a lot of things, it's not just a one way street. So Earl...take cover...balonie needs a word with you!!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

The Long Week-end is over


I was getting used to sleeping in until 10:00AM.

The week-end was pretty unproductive, unless you count Friday, when I pretty well finished my pond. And now I'm not too sure I like what I have done. You know the old saying in interior design "buy your carpet first, then your furniture." Well, what I did with my garden was, I bought the furniture (the pond, plants etc.) first and then laid down the carpet (chipped bark). It look kinda weird. The bark is a cedar colour and it takes away from the colours of the plants. It almost makes them look washed out. When the background was just black earth, they stood out. Now they look like weeds..ahhhh me oh my!! Well, I guess it doesn't matter much anymore, because the mosquito population has just reached record numbers with all the rain, and I can't even go into the garden without getting one of those little bastard stinging my ass!

Yesterday we went to my "hippy chick friend's" B.Day partaay. I got her a gift, PLUS the FART JAR! LOL...I made her open that first in front of all her friends and such...and she read the label aloud, rolled her eyeballs at me..and said...ONLY Joan would do this!!! HA. She thanked me later because we had Chicken Wings and BEANS for supper. I'm pretty dang sure it's all filled up by now. Okay, this will be the last time I talk about Fart Jars...I think I have milked for all it was worth ..and more..sorry Phyllis.

We had a great party at her house. She is so talented. She has taken a post war house in the inner city and made it a beautiful home. She took a carpentry course about three years ago (and I laughed)..but she has build a huge deck, a water feature, a beautiful garden with wooden arches...I don't know where she gets the energy! She has installed (hardwood flooring) thru out her house..BY HERSELF..Lordy.

The guests were great too, we see them every year, only at her birthday. She is an advocate for people seeking immigration to Canada and she has made so many friends of different origins over the past 10 years. I counted last night and we had such a diverse group of people all getting together to celebrate her birthday. Just a short list: Kenya, Brazil, Russia, Ukraine, France, China and New York (LOL).. he is her boss, I just love his accent. It was such a melting pot. We all meet each year at her birthday and pick up where we left off the year before. People were speaking Spanish, French, English, Chinese, Mennonite, and New Yorkese. Usually we all speak English, but is so interesting to hear them converse, between themselves a little at a time in their own tongue.

I have been playing around with my blog a little today, trying to put in new "people I read", and just after spending 1/2 an hour putting in thestupid href's and >< shit..Norton come up and tells me to quit other words there was not enough memory for the both of us..I'd don't know..So I took a quick stab at previewing it, but they were not there, now I have to go thru the whole shit again...href's and all. I would like to meet that guy one day. Excuse me, Mr. Href, I don't think we speakee the same language. You have to adorn yourself with all that fancydancy <<>> shit. If I ever meet you out on the street, I will kick your sorry butt into cyberspace...(oops sorry that is where you live)..okay then.

I keep having alerts going off on my comptuter that a Trojan Horse..named Deep Throat, wants to meet my computer. I would like a piece out of that prick!!..

On that note, I'm heading off for some late supper...Barbecued chicken breasts with wild rice and some salad.

Just a little pic of some of the partaay people yesterday.

Friday, July 01, 2005

My Fart Jar label ...and other boring stuff

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I have been some busy beaver today, I got my fart jar ready an waiting, and got most of the tree bark around my little pond done.  Do you see Mr Aligatator fishing ?  LOL...I just finished a few minutes ago, and the mosquitoes were eating up me insides out there, and I had to come in.  I wish I would have had more time to rake and do stuff.  I have more rocks coming, but I have to pick them up from a quarry about an hour from here.  The sign says...$10.00.. pick as many as you want.  Shit, after doing all this today I'd be lucky to lift a pebble. 

Canada Day has been going on all around me, I can hear the people in the nabe, having pool parties and all.  Sokay, balonie don't need a pool party, I have my own pool.  Now if I could only fit into it!!

Gord still isn't home, he had a roof to patch tonight on one of our rental properties.  I hate it when he climbs up on a roof.  PHONE A my loud suggestion.  He came back home about two hours ago and got a tarp and some roofing pretty do you think that roof is going to look like??  Do you think the tenant is going to like a bright blue tarp draped on top of  the roof of his house, with 2"x4"'s nailed in to keep it place?  Oh Lordy...Gordie.. I know the house is old, and he has tried to tar the roof and such, but maybe we should think of putting new shingles ya think?? fuzzz