Sunday, April 30, 2006

Howdy all.

Spring is a bloomin''s my Nan King Cherry Tree! It was a volunteer. I let it keep growing by the corner of the fence, and it's really taking off this year.

It's raining, it's pouring, and the ole man in snoring. Just the way I like it. It is so nice and quite, just the pitter patter of the rain. We haven't had any this spring, and this will get the trees and the lawns nice and green.

What I look forward to the most, is when my 1000' poplar tree, which I stategically planted beside my deck looses all those sticky things that encases the buds of the leaves. There is a million of them, and they all get under Penny's feet. It makes her frantic. And if I try to pull them off her fur..really fast..she gets a little mad. I guess it hurts. So, I pull them off gently, (okay, I pretend to, and pull it fast) because there is no way to be gentle with the sap that comes of that tree. It like glue. So, we will have two weeks of frowning, and growling. I discovered "Fantastic" takes the sap off the kitchen floor, when it being dragged in by all of us, but I don't think I should spray Fantastic on her feet! (just kidding).

It will just be two more weeks of pissed of looks, and spitting up the casing when she comes in and cleans off her paws. It doesn't taste good either, it's very bitter, don't ask me how I know.

Okay...Sunday Supper update:

Pork Loin Roast ..Liberally sprinkled with Rosemary and Thyme (because I'm an old hippy)..bullshit...I only started to use it about two years ago, and I love it.
Mashed Pataters
Asparagus (fresh) ..with some lightly browned butter and Parmesan cheese over top.

Hippy Chick is doing well. Her last operation worked. She has her new breast intact and no complications this time. She showed me the ahem (breast) yesterday, she's not shy or anything, and it just look like a bulge the size of her other breast, with a scar from the surgery. Because so far, it does not have a nipple, but that is a story for another day. She went out yesterday and bought some frilly underwear and stuff to show it off. Man, I have my own breasts and never thought about pushing out my cleavage for the world to see. But, she is much more fem than I am. She wears dresses and stuff, and I am more your Tom Boy type. Plus, I don't like calling attention to myself....never ever. !! I prefer to make fun of myself...Probably because if I do it first, it won't hurt so much if someone else does it later. I'm weirdo like that. Or let's just say I'm weirdo...I AM!! HA...

Friday, April 28, 2006

Penny has an adventure











The lady of the house has parked her behind on the sofa, and is grunting and groaning trying to make her hair explode on it, but I gave her the brushing of her life. I hope she shivers and quivers all night for all the stuff she said about me. Because she is bald. Okay, she still has some hair left..and let's be honest, it's only April, there will be 30 more pounds of it to come off in the next month or so.

She was so funny when I was taking the pictures, we had a good time. I love the way she howls like a wolf when she can't get what she wants. She is a working dog, and has to have a job to do the minute she leaves the patio door. Sometimes it gets difficult to hide her balls (well not hers) she can't find them. So I have to get inventive and cheat. I pretend to make it look like that the ball is soaring off the deck, and then I put it in my pocket....but she always finds it no matter where I place it. She never gives up. She should be a police dog I think.

I had to laugh today, when I read SK's comments about losing "Jake the Snake"...Our evil lawnmower. Well Kat, she is still around, and Gord, being the guy he is "never says die" I have a feeling she will be rearing her ugly head sometime soon.

There is nothing funnier than a lawnmower that has a life of it's own. Even if we don't use Jake, we might just let him take a spin on the back 40 for old times sake.

Happy Friday all.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

One thing I like about myself

I am consistent.

I know the difference between "their" and "there", but do you think I type it right?..NO would be the answer. I let these ole fingers flop around before my brain engages.

I don't even have a rant tonight. All is quite on the Western Front. The wagons are covered, and the womenfolk are making supper, and shushing the "chilren" whilst making a supper on the fire. John Wayne is sitting and smoking a peace pipe with the Indians. How much better can it get. But, then Gord hasn't got home yet. So, that could all change in a heartbeat. he he.

Good news is, I got the numbers from our tax accountant and it will be doable. Thankyoulord!! It still will be a little tough going, but not as bad as I thought.

In celebration, I am making tacos for supper tonight. Notice, when I have nothing but rubbish to report, I start with the food.

DO NOT BUY THE SAFEWAY TACO KIT. The tacos are good, the seasoning was good, but, fortheloveofallthatisspanish, do not use the little packet of Salsa that comes with it. It looks and tastes like dog poo. I love salsa, and my fav is "Pace" Chunky Salsa.

I usually buy the El Paso kit, and it's pretty good. But,this kit was a buck cheaper. I will have to remind myself in the future to buy better products.

Gord just got home, and reconfigured the answering machine, yay for him. At least he didn't drop it on the floor again like the kitchen phone. And the TV isn't blaring. It's so nice and quite. I am really fond of quite in the evening.

So, without much else to say, I will get back into the wagon with John and the chilrens, and go to bed...before the Indian's start circling the wagon train once more.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Does Chocolate lower blood pressure?

I posted a draft last night, that went to blogger hell.

And, you know those are the one's that are the best, that get lost. MF's

I have been trying to post for two days, and my frustration level has gone from high to much higher, my eyes are starting to bulge out of my head. I ate chocolate today because I heard it's good for high blood pressure..other than that I don't like it. I'm still alive so it must of helped.

It seems, every fucking person in the whole wide world needs my attention between 7:30 and 8:00PM when I sit down at my computer. It's a plot. Lets see how pissed off we can get Joan. Tonight I would have liked to taken Gordon by the throat and strangled him. I should probably put my office downstairs, because I cannot take the high levels of "Larry King" blasting in my ears. And once he is bored with that it's high levels of CNN news. Today, it was the phone. OMG...We are trying to list a property we bought several years ago, and the phone just keeps on ringing. And he feels he has to tell me everything he told the person on the phone...I don't fucking care....sell the property and get it over with.

Just as I sat down for the 40th. time, and answered all the questions he had. Then he decided to delete all the messages on our call display.(100) It is a phone that is on the kitchen wall. There is a small wall pack behind it for our DSL. (our internet service) and the phone hooks up to that with some screws. It's not difficult. I had just started my post,when I heard the phone, and wall pack hit the floor in the kitchen...well for fucks sakes..what the hell is he doing now!~!! Dammit..

So, I get off my computer, AGAIN ..and see the carnage, the phone, and the DSL pack are laying on the floor. He is protesting!! I didn't do anything....I was just deleting the messages. Yes, you were my dear, but while you were doing it you pulled on the wall mount. (really hard) I know it's easy to do, and I put it all back together.

Suddenly I became someone's mother. I gave him a time out, sent to his room and then later we had supper.

I guess it's just summer, and we are just getting out of our caves, but I loved winter, when no one was bugging me. Nothing happens in winter.

Good news yesterday was. My bro stopped over. Bad news is, he is still not doing too well. My niece Lisa drove him over to our end of town to do some errands, and visited us for awhile. But he couldn't get out of the car, so we had to sit on the driveway to talk to him. He has a degenerative back problem. When he was here at Christmas he could still walk pretty good, but now it's only with a walker. Poor guy. They only stopped in for a short while, but it was so good to see him again. I was so excited when Lisa came and told me she had dad in the car. I love that jerk. He was very upbeat, he said the doc's had just prescribed some great drugs to help with the pain. Since Christmas, he has been going through pain patches, morphine, and T'3s...not much touches it. They have to be careful about addiction, so it always a fine line.

Today he is getting one of those scooter things, so he can get around again. They have put a chair lift in their house for the stair problem, so maybe after a winter of being totally isolated he can get outside and into the other parts of the house he couldn't before. Shit...I feel so sorry for bro. We were hoping that they could do an operation to correct this, but he said the doctors were not that optimistic about that anymore. But, just the fact he can be mobile again with scooter thing makes me feel better, and that his pain will be managed. He still will have to go for therapy to keep his legs active and such, but that will be a good thing. I really hope this will help him and his family. He is lucky, he has a wife and kid's who truly love him and are their to help.

Just a note: Buy a Explorer if you want to get lucky..or maybe not

I parked my truck outside of Safeway yesterday. When I came out, I saw a truck similar to mine parked beside me.

When I opened my door, the driver of the truck opened his window and said, "nice truck." I knew he was looking at "my rack"..jest kidding, I don't have one. He was really looking at my truck. DAMN. Then he got out, and started asking me questions about where I got it etc. He had just bought the same one, but it was about two years older. The best part was, he was kinda of a hippy looking guy with long curly grey hair. I flirted a bit. But after some conversation, it became clear he was only interested in my truck, so I kicked him in the groin, and left him doubled up on the pavement. It's too bad he caught me on a off day!!!

Let's see what tomorrow brings okay?

Monday, April 24, 2006

I'm back in business

Ain't she fine? And she's all mine.

There is something seriously wrong with me lately, I can't stop rhyming. I think I have rhyming disease. I mistook it for rapping. Yeah, that's it.

I love my little truck. Maybe it's an SUV whatever. But to me she's just a sweet little truck. The best part is, I can see through my rear view mirror and prevent accidents from happening, by hitting the brakes really hard whenever I see an idiot tail gating me. With the big horking van, the back windows were partially covered up with curtains and a FOR SALE sign that was impeding my vision. It's almost like I removed a huge piece of armour and I now feel light as a feather. I feel like rhyming again. Stop me. The for love of god, I can't take it anymore.

I sort of miss the big brute. We RV'd every day. It was such a relaxing vacation to go from our house to work each day. She was a gentle giant, no bump in the road would bottom her out. She was a hefty gal to boot. She still is, Gord is driving her again..and I'm almost jealous. Good thing we didn't have kid's. I have already given both of the trucks a gender (female), but I have not resorted to giving them human names. (yet).

Last week was a stressful time, so much to do, so little time. I is down right pooped rite out. But, the good news is we don't have to rake the back 40 this spring. We have a crew that will come here and do it. YESSSSS.. they will clean it all up!! Now, where is my cleaning lady? Plus we got a different lawnmower and I won't be having to run after it like I did the other one. This one is tame. We put the crazy bitch down. It started on the first crack this spring. Gord was ecstatic. But once he started to mow the front lawn, it got "addled"...which is not a good thing. All it's parts started to jumble together, and made the most annoying sound. Something like a "chopper" when it goes down in the red sea. Yeah, that kinda sound.

I finished off the taxes yesterday. Dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's. Off the the accountant tomorrow, and wait for the bad news.

I am so glad all this is over, and I can get back to normal. Whatever the hell that is.

I got into a cleaning frenzy on Saturday and cleaned out all my kitchen cupboards. You would not believe the crud I found. I thought I was neatnik. Not so. How did shriveled up peas get in my utensil drawer? I carried out 4 bags of garbage!! I kids you not! Stuff that has been languishing in the hidden corners of my cupboards. I remember some of the sales when I bought the crap, and thought they would be useful, then later changed my mind and never ate it. The worst was my "under the sink" cupboard. You know the one where you store all your cleaning supplies etc. It was a frickin mine field. I am so surprised that I have not blown up the house. Leaky bottles of lamp oil... Turpentine...sitting right beside the hot water plumbing. 5467 cans of mosquito spray, 678 cans of Raid, 56 cans of leather guard sprays..(we don't even own any leather)..old SOS pads, fortheloveofmike, they were gross. I chucked it all. Then, it was time to clean out the empty cupboards, and I may have put to much cleaner in them, because by the time I got back up for air, I was high as a kite by then ..rocket man! See, either I am singing or rhyming.

I gotta hit the hay...balonie is a basket case.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I bought a rug...rap with me again..I mean it.

I bought a new rug
To cover the floor
To hide the crap
Whilst cleaning the oven door.

The rug was too short
And did not cover the mess
And now I'm unhappy
But I digress.

I found a new place
For the rug to dwell
It's in the living room
And it looks like hell.

I will be placing it
From room to room
Until I find the sweet spot
For it to bloom

I have covered the stains
With some staining paint
And it doesn't look too bad
But, perfect it ain't

Easy Off is Caustic
And it's not a myth
And if you go be spraying it around
It's nothing to be fucked with.

And, that boys and girls is my message to you. Just say NO, to oven cleaner, if you are ever approached by a drug dealer. Save your nasal passages for "crack" takes less time to wipe them out.

I can't stress enough, how I like to inform the young people in our country of the dangers that lay ahead. Even now, that I am in my "golden" years I can still be effective for the younger generation. Education is the key. Don't ya think?

Okay, I'll get serious..

Okay...maybe not.

I'll post the pic's of the new rugs tomorrow, I actually like them, they are very 1980's colours, and that's why I like em. Brown, orange, rust, and beige..
I'm thinking of hanging one of them on the wall. I have always loved wall hangings instead of pictures.

Gord just got home, and I can see a bad moon arisin'.... Actually, if I'm might be a good thing...I might be driving the Explorer by this weekend...Providing we can afford the gas.

Will let you know!!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Why are we walking so funny?

Why? because I have shit underneath my shoes. Let's clarify that, I have shit underneath my slippers, not my shoes. I played with Penny in the back 40, and apparently Mother Nature has not dried up all the turds...she is waiting for me to pick them up! Mother Nature...I laugh in your face...I will wait you out, and scrape the crap off my shoes until you dry it up, or until the lawn guy comes. Something has gotta give. It's between the two of you now.

Man, am I glad to get back to regular programming. Once you get a little older, little distractions like the flu and Revenue Canada get can get on your last nerve. Talking about your last won't believe this story, but I, as your reporter to the internet will swear it is true. I just hope CNN doesn't get a hold of the story.

Picture it:

It's a beautiful Sunday morning, the sun is shining, we sleep in a little, get up late, read the paper, and have lunch.

Then, Gord goes to his van and brings in a can of "Easy Off." My first reaction was ..okay, so maybe my time was up! Nope, it wasn't that "easy"!

We have a self cleaning Jenn Air stove, that he bought about a year ago. It was a used one that he had bought from a customer of his. He installed it, and at the time he didn't put in the venting to the outside properly. He insisted to clean the oven that very day. That was fine. But, he also wanted to put the grills for the barbeque part of the oven in the stove to clean them. I told him it was not a good idea, because I could clean them in the sink. NO...NO...

End result:

The house was full of smoke, because the venting wasn't done properly, and the grills from the barbeque melted. Fuck, that is one hot oven when you do the self cleaning... Needless to say we had to buy new grills, and the house stunk like high heaven for two days after.

So, I have never cleaned the oven since then. I don't need to burn the house down.

Okay then, Sunday rolls around, the venting has been fixed, and he feels it's high time we clean the oven. I agree. It's looking kinda ugly. But, what is the Easy Off for? You can't use it in a self cleaning oven. He said the oven will not clean the door, and you have to do that yourself.

Allrighty. He is standing there, shaking the can, and getting ready to spray it on, and I asked him if he had read the instructions, because I know this shit is caustic. So, he goes, "all I'm going to do is spray some of it on the inside of the door, wait, and wipe it off". I reminded him of the instructions, (that he never read) that said to put a newspaper on the floor before you spray the door. He poo pooed the idea...and said it isn't running anywhere. Okay, good for you Mr. Clean, go for it.

The guy was on a cleaning mission and I couldn't stop him. So, he went on cleaning. Finally, he decided, maybe he should take the oven door off, to make this easier, so he lifted it off and set it on the counter, and proceeded to put more caustic spray on it.

Fuck, I couldn't get it through his head, that the product smelled good, but it was wicked stuff. Finally, he was satisfied that every little piece of gunk was gone, put the door back on the stove, and set the timer for Self-Cleaning. And left!

Fortheloveofasumabitch, I was terrified. What if the smoke would come back in the house like the last time.?

He told me it was all fixed and it wouldn't do that again. And it didn't. He was right, the self cleaning worked right this time, and all the gunk turned into ash.

Speaking about ash, opps, I mean ass, along the perimeter of the counter my kitchen floor, has been burned with "Easy Off"...the spray went everywhere. It turned my light beige flooring into a dark red blood colour. There are some light spray spots, and then some intense red spots that looks like a murder had been committed.

Oy-vey, it's not a pretty sight.

I was so mad at him by the time he got home, and showed him the destruction, I did the Heimlich Manoeurvre on him, very hard, even though he wasn't choking, but that's the only move I know.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Got it done

Now, let's see who wins.

Me, or Revenue Canada.

Do we even have to ask?

It goes to the accountant later this week, because I still need to tweak a few figures.

tweak, tweak...can you hear that? Was that an expense..or...was that a perceived expense...or are just right out lying? My conscience and I are fighting the good fight.

I really need to up to Arkansas, and have a meal with Ms. Brenda and her clan. She could teach me the tax accounting ways I need, and feed me a good ole meal.

I am finally starting to get hungry after this crap I have been going through, and her description of their Easter supper, just about made me salivate all over my computer.. I never thought about that before, but if you aren't hungry, the meals you make are very non descriptive. I need to have a hunger to make a meal. Other than that, it's mundane. Throw a hot dog on the fire.

I remember after my dad died, my mom couldn't get hungry for months upon months, because she didn't have a partner to eat with. She lost so much weight. The day to day pattern had changed, and her role of the "supper maker"..Was not longer the same, so she had to make a meal only a meal for herself. She hated it.

A lot of stuff affects our appetites, if I am blue, I cannot eat, and others will eat twice a much to compensate for their feelings.

I'ts funny about food and you mental well being.

But, I'm back in the go and do a shrimp stir fry......and I am famished.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Hope everyone had a good Easter...

I made Easter supper without a nationality. I think.
Scalloped potatoes
Raisin sauce
Peaches & cream corn
Rolls...but I forgot to buy rolls, all I had was left over hot dog buns I bought from the bakery yesterday LOL...hey they did the job. They were nice and fresh.

Tomorrow, is the last day of bookwork, and the hardest. I have not got up before 10:00 AM since Friday. I don't seem to have any energy. That stinking flu just drained me dry. I stayed up late on Friday, but on Saturday I was bushed and went to bed at 10:00 PM and got up today at 10:00 AM. But, now that spring is in the air you want to go outside, and do stuff and not sit in a dark office and crunch numbers. Hopefully, it will rain tomorrow, that way I can justify staying put in my chair and get it over with. grrrr

My office is a disaster area...file folders on the floor, on my desk, on top of my computer. A million post it notes...reminding me to do stuff...arrrhahhh. "Ginger", my deranged Gingerbread girl sits on my desk looking at me with her stupid looking face, and makes me laugh. I't hard getting a little depressed with that face lookin back at you.

With the onslaught of spring, Penny has become a terror. She has always been a "working kind of dog." She needs a job, and a purpose. What she needs is a field full of cattle or sheep to herd. She never rests unless she feels she had completed a task of finding things I have hidden from her, or herding in our cattle from the back 40. So, everyday, I have to hide stuff, and she will spend hour upon hour trying it find it. I have run out of places to hide stuff, she knows all them already. Sometimes I pretend to throw the ball out, and keep it in my pocket. That's good for about an hour, but then she catches on to me, and sits and looks at my pockets. Fortheloveofmike. She's a pocketwatcher. How sad it that.

Nothing is blooming here yet, except some dandelions who are threatening to push their stinking little heads up. The final crest of the flood is supposed to go through tomorrow, we should be okay in the city, but those folks to the south are in a lot of trouble, if we get the rain that has been forecasted. I am a little concerned about some old friends in Neche North Dakota, because for the first time in a long time the Pembina River has overflowed it's banks into the town.

I got Norton working. Now we are at least talking to each other, but not the best of friends.

Time to hit the hay, no time to play. Maybe tomorrow I can conjure up balonie, because she's a lot more fun than me!!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Norton and I have come to blows

But I will not blow Norton, I still have my self respect. But, if I can't get my new virus protection subscription to work by tomorrow, it may be time for a change of attitude. Because they got my credit card number and all my balls err money. Everything was working fine, until I hit the "download button"...oops arsehole, now that we have your credit card number, we do not care to download, the sign read. And perhaps you have your setting too high for us to infiltrate you system with our propaganda??? Fill in this form:

> What is you family age bracket: (1-10) (10-20) 20-30)(40-50) (60-70).. and if it's over that you have a virus don't bother us.

> We see you chose (60-70) ... bad choice. Because at your advanced age, you must have clicked on some other area of our advanced features instead of "download." "Smucks"

> What is your family income: This will give us a good idea on how much to rip you off. If you are over 60, and making ...let's just say 60,000 grand a year we will activate your account. If not, try to get a Norton Representative to help you ..ha. ha.

Well, this shit-show started last night when I tried to enter the Norton Kingdom. Why, oh why am I so stupid? Don't answer that. I could have just as easy stopped in at Staples and bought the software, instead of trying to download it from those MF'n assholes. I was trying to be cool, and tell my friends, OH, I just download my stuff from the internet and never have any problems...because I KNOW EVERYTHING. Apprantely, I know shit all. I'm tempted to turn on my web cam, and send them some pretty ugly pictures of me burning their product. I would, except I don't have the was a download....ohhhhhhhhhhhh lordiwouldloveavirustosendthem, and put them on their knees. But they are very gracious and have sent me many emails telling me how gratefull they are for my order.

Somewhere, somehow, I will get to the avitar who runs the show, and give him/her my activation code..maybe not tonight, but if I get a virus, well, I guess I'm screwed.

I'm tough ey?

Hell's bells...I have time off again! But, only to do Gord's bookwork,which fell by the wayside when I had the flu..I say HAD..but it's still lingering on and on.

Tomorrow is Good Friday, and I have taken off Monday as well to complete the tax mans needy ways.

I can't shake the fricking cold. I feel good in the morning, and by night, my voice is like gravel, and I feel so tired. I stopped taking all the over the counter med's because I started to think they were just holding the virus, and I just want it out of me already.

ACKKKK...a huge bird just flew in my living room window.. It banged really hard, I can't go out to look. I have to put something up to discourage them, but they are all so wound up with mating, they don't seem to care. Most times when they hit they are a bit stunned and move on, but I think this one bit the dust.

Poor little guy) fly 10,000 miles to migrate and you hit your head on a window..jeez. Or...get killed my the neighbours cat.. who now has been missing for sometime...hey don't look at me, I didn't have nothing to do with it. I warned my next door neighbour so many times for letting her cat out to roam. It just isn't done in the city anymore, and I don't think she "got it"...until it didn't come home one night. Some people have to be hit over the head to get shit. Bet you ten bucks she gets another cat and does it again...some people don't get it.

Okay, then...I will be off to do the taxes this long weekend and put a bit of a spin on our expenses for government over the holy holidays. May the good lord guide me find as many expenses as I can, so we don't go broke. I believe in miracles...


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Red Red Robin keeps bob bob bobbing along

I just came in from the back 40 after throwing the ball, 6789 times to a dog who has just discovered it is spring. She had me tuckered out after the 6th. throw. I sat down at the patio table and just listened to the birds. They are all mating right now, and it's like a bar after closing time. RRR (my red male robin)...was determined to get a mate this evening. He sang his heart out to her. Actually he was yelling, and I thought to myself, perhaps you seem too eager mister, maybe just tone that down a bit. When the screaching didn't work, he decided to show her some of his private parts... he spread his wings, did a little dance, brought out some champagne, but the "bitch" didn't bite. She would not come to his tree. So, he tried to come to her tree. Big mistake, because apparently it was "booty call night"..and she had her choice of all the bobbin robins. She rejected all his fancy dancy advances, and flew away. I felt sorry for him. He went back on this tree, and yelled some really bad swear words at her. I gave him a high five...and told him to come back in the morning, because I will bet there will be a trillion of them there at 5:00 AM.. wanting his feathered ass.

The birds are all fighting out there now for territory as they mate and start building their nests. I really wish they would have a built in radar system, that tells them the difference between my windows and the sky. They are so busy procreating and flying around like ANIMALS..they hit the windows!! And, then I have to pick them up in paper towels and put them in the garbage. that is not my favorite thing to do.

Penny, has a new job. It's her summer job. She has to earn her keep. We have rehearsed it over and over, and she is just wild about it. If she hears a crow, and I say "damn crow" she will butt head into the patio door even if it's not open. Keyword is: Damn crow.


In order to save her from herself and any brain damage, I only say "damn crow" once the door is open. She was getting kind of dizzy, so I thought I better cool it with the keywords!

My little pond, looks ...well.. little and very messy, but the birds are loving it and sitting on top of the phoney lily pads and drinking up the water.

Soon it will be time to clean the winter mess up, the ground is still frozen, but we don't have any snow.

We are having a lot of flooding in our region. We live on a flood plain, and as of today we cannot go South on our major highway to the USA. It is a sea of water. I feel so sorry for all the farmers that have to go through this every couple of years. It's seems to be getting worse. They usually plant after the May long weekend, but I don't think the water will be gone by then. After the flood of 1997 they all build up thier homes, but still the land is under water.

I was driving across a bridge today, and could not believe how high the water was!!! But we have been assured that it will not affect the city. In 1997, we almost had to move out of our house...and that was very scarey. More water is coming from the South USA...and the levels are not as low as predicted to begin with.

This is the scene about 40 miles from here down Highway 75 to the US border.
If the link doesn't work just copy it worked for me.

I still feel like shit, I hope to feel better by this weekend, and if I don't ..I will be forced to eat broccoli....whatever

Monday, April 10, 2006

I'm done with wabbits

I was in Safeway after work, and I was standing behind a young good looking girl. And as I looked down, she had the word JUICY on the back of her pants. I did a few dry heaves, because I didn't want to know what was juicy behind her pants.

I backed up my cart, and went to another checkout, with a Kleenex in my mouth.

My question was, is she having her periods, does she have a venereal disease, a bad yeast infection, or is she just in heat? There is nothing I want to know about what is juicy behind her pants...nothing.

I'm thinking about getting a pair of sweats, and have "there is nothing under here" embroidered, or cross stitched over my ass. Cross stitching would alert all those young guys who hit on me all the time, that I am a mature woman, and all my Juicy parts have been removed by doctors with big knives. So,I don't have to wear a neon sign or anything.

So, careful of what you wear on your ass, one day it will come back to bite you!

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

My Easter Gift to you

Sunday Supper:

Tonight my supper has no origin. Or does it? It's Meatloaf Surprise! One could trace it back to my Mennonite roots. With little meat to be had, they were forced to put additives in their meager supply of meat. I think it was originally called "bread and beef." Now we call it meatloaf and add some bread crumbs an egg,Worchershire sauce. and top the sucker up with ketchup. Yummy for the tummy huh?

So, popular was this dish a rock star named himself after it. Never in history has this happened before. Have you ever heard of any bands calling themselves Holopshi, Borscht or Sockabrocke/Brockemalkj. No, I think Meatloaf put himself right out there.

What brings me to this point (I bet you were wondering), is that I have been reading a cookbook I gave my dear mutter, for her last birthday. She loved it. It is called, "Mennonite Foods & Folkways from South Russia, by Norma Jost Voth. She wrote the book describing the recipe and then how the dish evolved in Mennonite history. It is so interesting. She even, has poems and nursery rhymes to go along with the dish.

Easter is just coming up, and this time of year always brings to mind when we used to eat Rabbit...Yes...I said the Bunny word. We did. Jack Rabbits. We lived in the country, and this was not an unusual occurrence, but today it would be someone's pet, and I am sorry if I offend anyone, but it was what it was. And it was good. We never hunted, but did take meat from those hunters that offered my dad some. Money was tight. My parents fished every week end, so we always had fish, and chickens were cheap, but beef and pork were more of luxury.

When I was reading this cookbook I came across a recipe for Smothered Rabbit...(not to be taken out of context) no one put a pillow over it's head LOL!!

The author writes:
THERE WERE ALWAYS JACK RABBITS!! an excerpt of three different peoples experiences way back when:

Dan G Jost: My dad had a rifle and sometime shot rabbits when our meat supply was low.

John Block: My parents were strict Mennonites. We weren't allowed to have a gun. But kill rabbits I did. I used a broom handle and knocked them unconscious and jerked their heads off. They tasted just as good as if they were shot.

Minnie Jost Krause: The jack rabbits were plentiful where we grew up. Mother often fixed fried rabbit with gravy and potatoes for the noon meal. Jack rabbit Kloops were also plentiful. Mother ground the leg and rib meat. During the winter months, she froze the Kloops on the back porch.

The recipe went as follows:

2 - wabbits...cut up
1 - cup flour
Salt, pepper
1/2 - cup butter (part bacon grease)
1 - medium sized onion
1/4 - cup water

Rollll..da wabbit pieces in seasoned flour and allow to stand 20 minutes. Heat a large cast-iron skillet and cook the butter until foamy. Add bacon grease.

Put in pieces of rabbit. Brown on both sides, sprinkle onions over top and add 1/4 cup water. Cover and place in over at 300 degrees or cook slowly on top of stove.

My Mom always soaked the rabbit in salt water overnight, and then slowly cooked it on the stove top.

I hope I am not grossing anyone out, but this was just a normal thing we did in winter, and never gave it a thought until we hit the city years later, and rabbits were pets.

When you go on to read the cook book it just brought so many memories of my mom's and grandma's cooking. They had a chapter in Potatoes. It was called:

The recipes were:
Raw Fried Potatoes (Jebrondne Eatschocke)
Jacket Fried Potatoes ..we always called the skin...a jacket!

Fried Potatoes with Eggs...My personal favorite....I will give the original recipe:

This is how I acquired my chubby cheeks and belly.

It says: this is a quick and easy supper. Bit of fried bacon may be added. Potatoes and eggs may also be combined with cracklings (fried pork bits). Rye bread is the perfect complement.

Boil potatoes with "jackets" or use leftover cooked potatoes. Peel and slice or cut in small pieces chunky pieces. Place in a heavy skillet with a little butter, margarine or oil. Brown potatoes lightly, stir and turn from time to time. Break eggs over potatoes and stir lightly, or beat eggs and pour over. Cover briefly and allow eggs to concentrate. Season to taste. 1-2 eggs are allowed per serving.

........And this my way of doing it..........Ketchup...On top!! You see this was invented before ketchup. Or, another thing I like is canned tomatoes....

There is a whole bunch of Paska recipes, but I have never had the taste for that.

When I was young, we always sang a song low german every Easter while we were swinging on our swings..

The song read:
Schoc-kel schoc-kel schei-ja, Oostren at wie Ei - ja
Pinksten at wie wit-tet brot Broot, Stoaw wie nijch dan woa wie groot.

I always have this song in my head


Swing/rock, rock, shush,
At Easter time we eat eggs,
At Pentecost we eat white bread,
If we don't die, then we'll grow up.

It makes more sense in low German...but I love that one. It always stays with me.

I always go back to the book for comfort..

Opps my Meatloaf is ready....And my potatoes, and corn. Comfort foods.

But just before I put on my feed bag, here is my new grand niece at her baptism.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

whole lotta balonie

The water has stopped coming in. It all over. Except the dated blue carpet has a ring around it's collar. I will dry it out this weekend when my hippychick brings me her oscillating fan. We, for some unknown reason do not own a fan, because for the last three years I have asked her to bring her fan over here to dry up the basement. Optimists, that is what we are. Or, we are just blind dumb. The latter is probably the truth. If you wait long enough, it might just go away. There is such comfort in digging your head in the sand.

Speaking about Hippychick. She will be going back under the knife on Monday, to fill in the gap underneath her breast tissue that died. They will be taking some fatty skin from under her armpit and transplanting it there. She told me last night that it's to late to turn back, she started this, and has to see it through. So, if she has hair on the bottom part of her breast this time, it will be coming from her pit's, not the pub hair like the last time. I surely hope the whole breast is not laden with hair, it would become a "monkey breast"...not at all attractive. But, I guess she could shave it. I am sure that subject will come up on Saturday.

I had me an Andie Pandie moment today. I was driving down a narrow back lane coming home from Safeway. (its my shortcut home) I had to make a left turn to into wide back lane, but it had deep muddy ruts to my right, so I could not go any further in that direction as I was turning. A very uniformed lady driver was coming towards me (picture me in my big honking van)okay.... as I was turning she stopped dead in her tracks. To her right was and empty parking lot, that was dry, and all she had to do was get out of my way so I could get passed her. I signaled, with my hands ..go right>>>> and just let me pass. She threw her hands up...and did not have a clue, maybe she couldn't see I would have to drive off a cement cliff and into a huge mud, I continued to point .. rather violently ....she finally moved 1/2 of an inch...fortheloveofastupidbitch...She had 4 feet of room to let me through!! But she wasn't about to let me go. I checked my mirrors, and estimated I had an inch to get past the bitch, and I booted it around her. I cannot believe how stupid people are. All she had to do was pull around me, because she had an open parking lot on her side, and I was on the other side where the it was all a huge mudfuck. If I would have slipped off the edge of the pavement I would have been hung up, I know this lane so well, as I have done it before, and it wasn't going to happen again.

I hate her guts..and she didn't even understand my sign language. Time for some martial arts for the balonie, but personally I won't bother. She's much better at it than I am. And the next time I will let her drive.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Nothing important...

If you click on this link, you can make this cat do stuff with your cursor. It sort of looks like Bilbo, except for the white paws. Go and play.. my post is boring anyway.

Well, I’m starting to get my head back together. For whatever that is worth. I had to leave work yesterday at lunch because I was making everyone sick and tired of me hacking. I was coughing and coughing I just couldn’t quit. And once I got home, not a cough did I have. I think it was my bodies way of telling me, to fake it…so you can get the afternoon off. I really didn’t want the afternoon off, ..the morning maybe…. So I could sleep in…but the afternoon ..sheesh..once you are there you might as well stick it out until the end. But, at the bosses insistence I went home.

Once at home, I didn’t really know what to do. I didn’t feel poorly enough to hit the sack, so I made myself some lunch, and started to look around the house for something to do. That was easy, because since last Wednesday I haven’t done squat.

On the Tuesday before I got sick I had bought new drapes for the living room and side panels for the entry way. They were still sitting in the bag beside the sofa. I had pulled out one pair and checked them out, and laid it aside. And that is where is was left until yesterday, because I had run out of jam.

So, with a renewed spurt of energy, I tackled the job of putting up the drapes. It was very easy because all the hardware was up, so all I had to do was put them up. They are so beautiful. They are Ultra Suede, in a rich cocoa colour. And best of all they are lined. I have never had lined drapes before. It's kinda dark in here....anyway.

Then, I decided to re-arrange my living room, and cut down my huge dieffenbachia plant that is about 20 feet tall that has reached the top of the catherdral ceiling at least 3 times since we have lived here. It was starting to bow down already, it was that high! I can’t kill that sucker. I wish I could. Gord got it from a customer of his about 20 years ago. She was the mother of Randy Bachman, from the “Guess Who”..So, he was impressed. And he won’t let it go!! So, I am stuck with a plant I don’t really like, just because it belonged to an aging Rock Star’s mother. You see what I have to go through? Huh?

But, on the other hand I wasn’t too careful about transplanting it as I usually am. It might just have an unfortunate demise. Yesterday I threw out about 15 feet of trunk, along with some leaves, that for some reason are doing very well on the deck where I put it in a large box.. to die. I hate that.

It’s cold out there, I don’t get it. The remants of the plant is out on the deck, and it should have froze. I have a feeling, that if I leave it sitting out there any longer, it will start tapping on my patio doors, and want to get back in. It will be Randy Bachman’s mother’s ghost…haunting me. I kept about 3 feet of the plant, but when the other 18 feet starts snaking in my house….there might be trouble. With a capitol "T". Nothing goes as planned in Chez Martin. Nothing.

My living room looks like a huge ugly vault now that the plant is gone, I took all the pictures off the walls...all that is left is my ugly sofa and love seat.. and btw...that love seat never seen any.
But the drapes are fabulous...... so I have my work cut out for me. I do this all the time, empty it out and drag stuff back in from other rooms... to make it look new again. It's a good thing I don't throw too much away...or it could cut my springtime creative outbursts to a halt. tomorrow I'm going to do some shopping at the MCC (Mennonite Central Committee) store. They have the best crafts and wall hangings (which are my fav's) from other countries, for a nominal price.

Gotta go, I hear scratching noices coming from my patio window!!!!!...and I think it's Burton Cummings...Randy's hit man.

If your not a Canuck or from Winnipeg and younger than 40...this will make no sense to you at all...sooo ...nevermind! I give this blog a big fat zzzzzzzzero. Okay, even if you feel like text messaging me, and saying ..balonie..this is the best blog ever...don't waste your money. Trust me, it's the pits.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Daylight Savings Time should be banned, I say

I hate the way it screws with my head. I know, I'm an old fart. But at 8:00 PM I don't like the sun glaring into my house.

I have no need to go outside to do yard work, because it is frozen and full of dog shit. The snow is all gone, but the dog shit remains intact. It has melted and frozen up so many times already, and now it looks freeze dried. So I am waiting for that special day, when all of it is the same place of decomposition before I will scoop the poop! It's way to wet just yet. Penny lured me out around 7:00PM just because she was so tired of being indoors, but we couldn't do play time out there, it was just too wet. Plus, I am still feeling poorly, and the cold air, did not make me feel any better. So, I tossed the ball off the deck 1,876 times, and she only brought it back once. I went down and brought it back up the other 1,875 times. The game was over. She has to realize this is not a good time. You should see her feet!!... Huge mud clodhoppers!! It will be another dirty muddy spring, with mud all over my house!

I am feeling better today, and have a little more energy. I went to work, and thought I would just go in until noon. Well, you should have seen my desk! I hadn't been there since Thursday! desk was piled high with paper, mail, timesheets, invoices, expense reports, ... and every pen in my desk was stolen! Even my stapler was gone! Some of the guys were still in the office before they were going on service calls, and I lined em all up against a wall and shone a bright flashlight in there eyeballs.

Bossy me: Where are my pens Journeyman Devon? And stand up straight!!!
Devon: I think I saw Curtis take them out of your desk
Bossy me: Would that be your apprentice Curtis? the guy you kick around?
Devon: Yes, Mam.
Bossy me: Did he use my pens to fill in his timesheet?
Devon: Yes he did your honor.
Bossy me: Did you use THAT same pen to fill in your timesheet?
Devon: Yes, I think I did.
Bossy me: THEN, who took it? You sir, are the Journeyman, every action you take will be remembered by the apprentice, and whatever he learns from you will shape his career.
Devon: Well, it might have been me, but I meant no harm.
Bossy me: Harm, shmarm..You sir will have to take your position more seriously!
Devon: Quivering.."But,I don't have your stapler"...
Bossy me: Well, if you don't have it..who does, it didn't just develop feet and walk off my desk?
Devon: It's beside your phone
Bossy me: Who moved it?
Devon: You just did, when you were stapling the receipts to my expense report.
Bossy me: Good observation Devon, you just passed the test. Now get the hell out of here and take your apprentice with and go and do electrical work. Make us proud of you!!
Devon: Yes the way I think I know who took your "white out", and scotch tape!
Bossy me: Nevermind Journeyman more ass kissing..We don't want to be called a snitch, do we?
Devon: No.
Bossy me: they are, just where I left them...

Sunday, April 02, 2006

All is well, that ends well. Gord and his bro pulled here at 4:30AM this morning. Ringing the doorbell and hooting and hollering for me to open the damn door. Well, I was still a little ticked at this whole thing, so I made them wait outside, and beg me to open the door. I thought putting the Exacto Knife in his luggage would have killed his flight, but not so. When the doorbell rang, the dog went ballistic and I, with my snot laden head tried to get out of the waterbed..Repeatedly. I couldn't figure out who was ringing our doorbell..until I heard Gord holler my name. Hey you! My thoughts cleared immediately. I yelled back:

Hey you: No one by that names lives here.
Gord: HEY!
Hey you: What's my name?
Gord: (thinking he is funny) says..HEY
Hey you: I'm calling 911
Gord: Come on it's cold out here
Hey you: What's my name?
Gord: (who is now laughing along with his brother)..and are ringing the shit out of the doorbell, says, Penny!
Hey you: Wrong!
Gord: Cut it out.
Hey you: Make me
Gord: We have your fav. Anjou Rum we bought in the States
Hey you: Welcome to my world!


Saturday, April 01, 2006


Shhhh, it's very quite around here. Don't make any noise. Not even in your head, I will hear it.

All I can hear is my fish tank running, and my dog crying for her daddy. Well, she isn't really crying, but her ears are down, and she has this confused look about her, and has her head faced towards the door...(ooop's Penny git your face away from there ..that was where my face was). Nope, he's not home yet.

The AAH girls have left, we had a nice chat, with some wine and foodstuffs. I learned more than I needed to know about breast reconstructive surgery. Hippy Chick is still having to go through more surgery, after the last one didn't quite take. It's a long story, and I am hoping that the next surgery will be the one that does it for her. She truly deserves it, because she is such an optimist, and she inspires me to be the same, even if I don't feel like it.

It was nice to have my girls here tonight for awhile, even if I wasn't up to entertaining, they always understand. I am still haveing some fever, and chills.

Tomorrow I was was supposed to go to my Grandniece's Baptism. I don't think that will happen, but her Grandma who was here tonight said, it would be alright. I was worried, because Gord and his bro Ron were out of town and would not be able to be there. I know I am only extended family, but I would at least liked to be a representative. I will make it up to them.

I'm fading fast here, after the girls left, I thought I would blog a little, but I am all jammed out.

I am hungry for some eggs. I haven't eaten much in three days. Eggs it is...Penny loves win situation.. and maybe she will stop looking out the window for Gordon..