Sunday, April 27, 2008

Okay EARTH or whoever you are...

Apparently my footprints are too bloody sorry, but I have big feet. Short of chopping off my toes, I don't know howinthehell I will manage to shorten them.

Yeah, I have been thinking about chopping off my feet ... just a bit. The media just doesn't give up on this crap, and puts that teenie tiny little bug in your ear. So, last week I tried to shop "go green." Stop laughing!!!

Day one:
I went to Safeway and bought 4 new cloth bags. I told the clerk to put my groceries in the new bags. The poor clerk, had to deal with these flabby bags on the counter and struggled putting all the groceries in them. Normally, the regular bags are at a lower level and they don't have to reach up and plunk them in your new and improved environmentally challenged bag. She used two of the four bags I bought, and rang me through. Okay, whatthehell!! The handles on these bags were way way too long, I drug my groceries to my truck through all the filth that still resides on our streets from winter. I thought I could just tuck them up in the crook of my arm, but they still reached the ground. Perhaps, that is what should be happening, I don't know, do they want our grocery bags to actually touch the environment.

.. My footprint was getting a little pissed off.

Day Two: (yes I shop everyday, I never know what I want to make for supper.) I thought I would park as far away from the store as possible to minimize excess use of valuable fossil fuels and maximize the possibility of buying a donut when I was in the store. The donut won.

I hit the isles, and remembered that I was supposed to try to buy locally grown products. Wellhell!! It's still winter...I checked, and yes they had ice for sale, but discovered it was imported. Consider the irony.

Plus that shit melts the minute you put it in the frying pan. Empty calories is something I can't stand.

I was hungry for chicken; but I could not find a birth certificate on any of them. It was like God, made them in heaven, killed them, plucked them, washed them down, put them in shrink wrap and a Styrofoam tray....and magically they found their way to Safeway.. Hey, that was good enough for me....I didn't have to worry about my "footprints" getting any bigger. God brought them to me.

Now, all I was missing was some veggies and potatoes. I did find some carrots that were produced in Manitoba (last fucking year.) If you don't mind the taste of musty carrots that are as big as a cat, these are the one's for you. I passed. Apparently we have the same problem with potatoes, last fall was a long time ago, and they don't even exist anymore. Also, I needed dog food. Nothing! My footprint was about to kick some one's ass!!! So I took the chicken that God made, and went to the checkout.

I get into the lineup and note all the people ahead of me are still using plastic bags.

I feel smug.

Then I realize I have left all my cloth bags in the truck!!!

Well, hells bells.. I told the cashier to just give me the fucking chicken, and I will carry it out without a bag. She told me, it has to leave the store in a bag of some sort...because of some rules, blahhhhh..blahh. Okay, said I, if you put it in a plastic bag, I want you to sign a document that says ...your footprint is on this chicken bag..not mine. She said, "no prob" you want it double bagged.? heh I love her.

I feel smug.

I got home, and took the chicken out of the plastic bag, and promised myself I will use my cloth bags from this day forth. I took the plastic bag, went outside on the deck and set it free, and it landed on one of our neighbours trees... and stuck in the branches. And I felt smug.

Something tells me I don't quite get this shit.

I have 4 almost brand new earth friendly bags with humongous handles on them for anyone who wants them. I call them "drag and drop"....bags.

The ugly back "40"...what a fricking mess.

Penny, loving some sunshine.

Nothing better than seeing ice coming out of your eaves... its cold out here baby.

Who does not want to kiss this face? Bad breath and all. My penny loafer. You can see how much she loves her mom with those I love you eyes.

Friday, April 25, 2008

My greaves for summer

We had some snow and ice today, now ain't that a fucking way to greet spring Mother Unnatural? What happened to your "all springy" crappola. I had to wear my parka to work today muttah, and let's not forget the face plant I did in front of the door at work today. You put it there, now clean up your mess. Our first aid kit came in handy after I knocked my noggin into a glass window. One more trick, and you will be kissing my ass. Do you have cold lips?...if so don't bother because I have people who I am more pissed off than you, that have warm lips. So lets call the whole thing off.

This spring I have finally started to walk like a normal person, heads up, not looking down for icy patches. My gait was strong and assertive, instead of looking like a dog looking for a place to take a shit. Now, I'm looking back down again, at the dirty streets, filled with cigarette butts, the occasional old lotto 649 ticket someone threw away, (which I put in my purse just in case it was a winner and they lost it,) A penny! I guess someone thought they were to rich to keep it, a soggy old grocery list with the ink all smeared....and on top of the list was Tampax ..I hope she got there on time...a bill of lading from one our suppliers I had been looking for since last fall....faded yet legible, now I can get off their ass, because we didn't know if we received the goods....Yes spring is coming, slow, and ugly.

I was kinda worried yesterday with the ice and all. The trees make a very weird sound when they are coated with ice. My truck was covered in ice yesterday when I went to work, and after I had gone a few km's the engine warmed up and holy moly started flying into my windshield from the hood of the truck. Fuck...I ducked!! It was funny how your instincts take hold.

Hopefully, by Monday all this shit will be over. I will be able to walk without looking at the ground and wondering if the next "face plant" will put me in the ER. Or with our Lord, I'm not ready for him to take me just yet. I got shit to do, and people to piss off.

I was laughing at myself a teenie little bit today, when I remembered I bought my dad some kind of device to put under your shoes when you were walking so you don't slip on ice...because he was so frigging old and loved to walk every day. Well, I think he was my age right now when I gave them to him.......he never wore them, and looked at me like I was a "tool." The same way I look at anyone who tells me what is "good for me."

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

It's getting better

Not only is the pressure of tax time off my weary head, Gord has meeting tonight and won't be home till ten. I don't have to make supper, I don't have to do sweet shit all. I got the place to myself. I took Penny for a run and for tonight my job is done.

I bought two deep fried breaded chicken pieces at Safeway, and a small container of macaroni and cheese for my supper..halleluya...grease at last...grease at last. I still have some peas and carrots left over from last night, so I am going to pig right out. But, I don't think I will eat the breaded skin of the chicken, I will just squeeze the grease on my body so I can smell it the whole night long. Sometimes a girl needs a little oiling up.

We are in the midst of getting quotes for someone to paint our house and do the necessary repairs around here.....and there are a lot of them. Two weeks ago, Gord went to the Home Show, and met a kindly gentleman from Home Depot and told him what we needed to be done in our home before we sell it next year. Gord liked him and thought he might be the guy we needed + Home Depot is a trusted name. The guy called on Monday and Gord set up a date on Tuesday for the evaluation of the costs.

Now, I have to tell you, we want the whole house painted - 4 levels including ceilings, plus some work in the rec room where we had to remove a small wall when we had water coming in last spring. We needed two fachia boards on the outside of the house to be replaced and one window painting of our small deck and the fence. $15,000.00 dollars was the quote.

15 grand!!!

Gord almost shat his pants. And so did the estimator, but it wasn't IN his pants, apparently he stepped in some doggie do do outside..heh...

As they were coming back into the house, Gord said the guy was getting a little more aggressive about what needed to be done...blah...blah... They sat on the deck and went over the numbers etc. and Gord told him he would think about it. The guy got all huffy and shit and said, his numbers were in range with anyone else's, and wanted Gord to sign on the dotted line. Gord told him we are doing estimates only right now, and not signing on any dotted lines. He turned into Mr. Grumpy...and before Gord led him back through the house he asked him to take off his dog shit laden shoes and cleaned them up for him. He left in a huff.. bastard.

Later on, Gord and I read the contract he wanted us to sign.....he didn't have anything to do at all with Home Depot. Other than being a private contractor that PROMISED to use Home Depot products when doing the painting and the small reno projects.

For that price, I could take off work for 3 months and paint till the cows come home. The carpentry is so minimal we could probably do it ourselves....but WE are not good at wood and saws and shit. If we need anything fixed around here, like cars, motorcycles, lawnmowers, anything that has a motor Gord is your man. But broken wood, makes him cry.

So, we will be getting more estimates. But I have the feeling I will be doing it myself, like I did it the last time, except for the ceilings, I don't think I can do that. Cathedral ceiling are like "high." I might have to get a pair of stilts. Remember in "Friends" when Phoebe found out her dead beat dad liked to walk in stilts....sorry I still find that episode funny.

Okay ....I got two pieces of greasy chicken with my name on cheeeeeessy macaroni ... and I can watch American Idol with no conflict. It's heaven.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's all done

Now that we got that shit out of the way, I get to have a few minutes to myself. Until next year. I have to get a cleaning lady in here, I can't go on like this much longer. I don't I'm getting crazy. Dust bunny's abound, mirrors are coated and dull, floors are dirty, how did I ever have time to blog in the olden days. heh. Time is a bitch and takes a toll.

Gord made out like a bandit. All the hard work doing his books paid off. We still have to pay, but not as much as we anticipated. It was worth the weekends I put into it.

I'm getting back a hundred bucks from my income tax....ohhhh what should I buy? Such a windfall!

Wish List:

1. A cleaning lady. Preferably and old Mennonite lady who has serious cleaning issues...maybe not...that would be me, I have serious cleaning issues, I hate THEM. I need someone who will do the cleaning for $100.00 bucks for the whole year. That's all I have people. My windfall.

2. OR... I could put the hundred bucks in the bank to cover the costs of Penny's vet bill...but it wouldn't cover it, so fuck that.

3. OR... I could take it to the Casino and double it up. But, no, I am Casino challenged I don't know a spade from a rototiller. I dig them both, I wouldn't know which to choose. Don't tell me a pack of cards doesn't have a rototiller card? I'll be damned. No wonder I loose all the time.

4. I came up with the one thing I really want. I will donate it to the Humane Society. I won't miss it, and some little critter will benefit from my donation. And it won't be all about me. But from me. I loves me some critters.

So, just to catch up with youse guys, I have been buying new clothes since my weight loss. Yep. Gone are my old hoodies and jeans, replaced by classy clothes from Giant Tiger. What? you haven't heard of Giant Tiger? The sell clothes to people who only have a limited income, and still want to look good. Well hell, yes...I am still wearing hoodies and jeans, but they are from this century. And they are cheap. Like me. I can never buy anything expensive because who knows when I will start putting on the pounds again. Then they all go back to Value Village and the process starts all over again. I have done this 4 times in my long life....and it's pissing me off.

Gord finally sat me down last week and said, buy some GOOD clothes, not the cheap crap. You deserve to have clothes that you feel good in. I hummed and hawwed and said...well ..okay and before he could say "is supper ready"... I was in my car speeding to the mall.

I have to say, I was never reallllly fat each time I gained weight, I probably weighed about 165-70 lbs., but it's all about body image anyway. I feel really good now. I do. I can layer my clothes, and wear a T shirt underneath my jacket or shirt without feeling like a whale. I have started to wear make up again!!... I am re-piercing my ears this weekend...the old holes dried up. And... I see a tattoo in the near future....right smack dab in ... well I will let you know when I find a place that doesn't have old lady liver spots on it. kidding...I still have a few sweet spots:)

Wanna see? Damn that camera the batteries are always dead..yeah .... Joan you stinking liar.

Well, I have certainly have talked my head off tonite. More to come if I finally have time to use my new camcorder I bought a month ago. I have so many new interests going on.... did I tell you I bought two new pairs of shoes, and one of them had "heels." Be ready for a "Face Plant" blog, I am sure I will fall and hurt myself. But when I bought them I felt so tall!! I was walking around with them on in the store, and looking down at all the short peeps. I felt like the Jolly Green Giant....and fortheloveof"nike"...if I didn't step on some kids sneaker, and his foot was still in it. He was sitting with his mom while she was trying on some shoes. He didn't cry, but I felt bad.

Okay...I've gone on long enough...but I have so much to write in the weeks to come. Finally -

Monday, April 21, 2008

I am still here.

It's income tax time crunch...and I'm still trying to find Revenue Canada's I can gently shove my return up it's ass. I have been working on this crap for weeks on end. I'm done. Maybe I will have time to do a blog worth reading....stay tuned. I will be working late tonight.

Yours truly,
A unruly tax payer

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I'm making soup

I was in a "soup making mood" today. I threw everything in it except the kitchen sink. So gone, are Gordon, Penny, my sofa, our Archie Bunker recliners, and lets not forget my old wall hanging from the 80's. I had to get a bigger pot after I shoved Gord in his legs just wouldn't fit in the pot. I took off his ugly old housecoat off him first because I didn't want the stank of old housecoat in my soup. Other than that, it smells pretty good. So, I'm pretty sure nobody wants this recipe, so I won't be posting it to my recipe site. I can post it here because I don't give a hairy rats ass who reads this drivel.

1 - ole man
1 - ole dog
1- ole sofa
2 - ole Archie Bunker recliners...that have been farted on ... a lot.
1 - ole wall hanging.....with swirly bits of orange, brown and beige and dust.
3- Slices of smoked ham- cubed about 1/4" inch each..depending on what you can get in your area.
1/2 - cup chicken broth
2 - cups water
1 - can of mixed beans
1 - can of diced tomatoes, the smaller one
1 - onion diced
2 - sticks of celery
2 - potatoes cubed
5- carrots sliced
1/2 - cup frozen peas
1/2- cup frozen corn
Pepper to taste... I like a lot ..and little bit of garlic powder, and most importantly...
Summer Savoury.....Summer Savoury makes any soup come me. It almost revived Gord, Penny and all my furniture. I had to knock them back down into the soup. bastards...

Let simmer for about two hours. Serve with crusty rolls.

I was a little saddened that I didn't have any fresh dill, I like to throw that in to the mix as well.

Once I had all this shit crammed into my massive pot of soup, I didn't miss them (Gord and Penny) that much....the smell was marvy..... But I have to admit, I didn't like the smell of the fart laden was a "who did it in their pants" kind of smell, so I sprayed the soup with some "Febreze".. and wow, it started to smell like "Rocky Springs"....just the taste I was going for.

From what I smell right now, I'm sure I will like it, even if they aren't here to be with me. If I knew they would have been that tasty I would have put both of them in the pot A VERY LONG TIME AGO. Then, at least I would have time for myself.

Monday, April 14, 2008

April 14, 1962

April 14, 1962.

46 years ago....he gave me his school ring .... and we started to go steady. Oy! 46 years ago.........

I remember it well, (forgive me, I may have posted this before)...but shut the hell up, I'm old I'm allowed to repeat myself.

My parents went to the city for the weekend and left me in charge of the house. heh..t r o u b l e. 17 going on 18, something was going to come down.

It was a Saturday night. Gord, myself, Hippychick and her boyfriend had a double date. We went to Neche North Dakota, because the guys could get into the bar before they were 21. Both of them were only about 18 years old, but in those days the bars never really checked for minors. They loved selling the Canucks liquor that they couldn't get at home where every knew them. That is just the way it was.

I can't remember how the night really went....but I am sure we all went to "lovers lane" down by the river and had some refreshments....normally that would have been Lemon Gin, because that was a proven "pantie remover"... in my day. I think there was a whole lot of "necking" going on, because this was a double date...two horny toads in the front of the car and two in the back. It was sweaty. Sometimes when Hippychick and I had to go to pee behind the car.... they thought it was hilarious start the car and take off and look at us pissing beside the road. Hardee har har.

We always had to be back into Canada by 12:00 because that is when the border crossing closed. That night Hippychick and I decided we really liked these two guys and we really wanted to go steady. We may have talked about it as we were sticking our cold asses in the snow trying to pee, while the guys left us in a cloud of gas fumes.

We still had a few bottles in the car that we hadn't finished, so it was time again to smuggle what was left under our blouses..jackets...back into Canada. Usually that was never a problem.

Then we went back to my house. My unsupervised house. Party time. We had liquor, sofas, and beds.. and a mission. I won't speak for Hippychick, because I can't remember if her mission was the same as mine......but I wanted Gord's highschool ring...and I wanted to go steady with one guy. The year before that had been kind of dry, I dated a few guys from my town, but I was always attracted to the guys who weren't from our town like Gord. They always seemed so much more dangerous, rode motorcycles and drank illegally in the US. Hey, I liked them. Best of all, they weren't Mennonites. And they made my parents crazy.
I had picked Gord earlier on in. He was sweet, elusive, cute, and a little dangerous...he didn't like to follow the rules. (later on in life I found this traight to be some what tiresome, ) but that is for another blog.

By the end of the evening I had his ring. April 14th. 1962. I probably had to get him drunk to give it to me, but I never gave it back either. I still have it. I wore it with a whole bunch of tape tucked in behind it for a long time. Then I think I wore it on a chain on my neck.

Hippychick, if you are reading this, please comment because I think my readers...if I have any would like to know your spin on this. Did Melvin give you his ring that night too? I can't remember. Janis....can you believe how long ago this was!!! It blows me away. It doesn't seem like yesterday, but it sure as hell doesn't seem like 46 years ago either. I know for a fact we haven't aged a bit. Gord and your ex (Melvin) sure as hell look like ole geezers.....

I just brought out my diary.

Apparently my memory is flawed. What I said further up really happened, but not on that night. It happened on most weekends if I am correct much later... UNTIL SOMEONE GOT HERSELF KNOCKED UP....I'm looking at you hippychick:) But on the night in question April 14, 1962 the entry read:

Dear Diary,

Melvin, Gordon and the guys came over to my house real late around 12:00 ..they were in Neche and got some booze. They came back to my house after the had hamburgers at "Glenn's."

side note: (those bastards didn't even bring us a burger) ...Janis and I were waiting for them. We had the house to ourselves for the love of God and nobody showed up until 12:00. Bastards. is the rest:
They had Mart with them too. Well diary, we had some refreshments (Note: I always said refreshments just in case my parents read my diary and would think I was drinking a Pepsi).

Well we had a ball! (Note: I always said that just in case my parents read my diary and thought I was dancing instead of doing... you know..) kissing and shit. My brother had a way of finding the key to diary and I always had to speak in code...that little bastard!

The guys only left around 2:00 ...boy IT WAS A BALL.

I've got Gordies ring now! I really like him a lot.

We are going steady!!! Bye. April 14th. 1962.

It's funny how you think you remember an occasion, but when look up the cold hard facts and it's not quite the same. I am really glad to have the diary, because sometimes it keeps me honest.

I found a pressed rose in it. But I have no idea where it came from. I am sure Gord gave it to me on an occasion I intended to remember.


Wednesday, April 09, 2008

When push comes to shove

With all this income tax shitolla, I have neglected my cooking with balonie site.

Well, I'm here to tell you that ole bitch would not take up the slack for me. Nope. She dug in her devil heels. So, I'm thinking of getting some professional help to get rid of her permanently. She still sits on my shoulder trying to make me do bad shit. I can.not.get.rid.of.her.

Just yesterday, I was coming home from work and was going to make a right hand turn into on coming traffic. She kept on saying "go bitch..go!"...I, being the one who has a brain (or is that brian) stopped and waited until it was safe proceed, obeying the road rules of our Province... still while I was trying to slap her stupid ass off my shoulder, light a smoke and take a cell phone call. A multi tasker I am not. Somebody had to loose.

Horns began to "honk" behind me! I checked my rear view mirror and the guy behind me was shaking his fists. "Balonie" was whispering in my ear....sayin put this fucker in reverse and lets see his air bag inflate in his ugly face. She is a smooth talker, and she had me going, because now I was mad and my brain, became brian and it wasn't connecting. The cars were still coming, and this bastard wanted to me turn into on coming traffic whether I felt safe to do so or not.

So, I put down my cell phone, thew out my smoke and backed into the bastard. And then he smashed into three other cars behind him, I got to see his ugly face for a second, before the air bag blew his head off.

Then I woke up.

Hey, it was a good dream. Most of that really happened that day, except I didn't back up and push him back. But I really wanted to...really really wanted to. Balonie is who I would like to be, a mean lean don't fuck around with me machine. I had visualized all of that when he began honking for no damn reason....but you know what I did instead... I went into traffic before I really was comfortable with doing it.

I am ashamed of myself for doing that. I let people push me around.

I was going to get rid of "Balonie" ... but you know... I should keep her on my shoulder..even though she can't cook. One day I might have some balls. Balonie has so many balls, you can't even count them. Yup, I want to be balonie with hairy balls!

Monday, April 07, 2008

Tax Ass

I see some people have taken great delight in calling me an asshole in my Penny poll. I'm looking at you "Special K." How many times did you vote? heh...It had your fingerprints all over it. I must admit I don't mind being called an ass-hole, it just makes me want to do something assholeish again. Keeps the juices flowing.

I love those little poll thingamajigs. Now that I have deleted it, I can't remember where I found it. Hopefully I saved it in my fav's.

Got the accounting done for the income tax. Looks like we will have to sell Penny. The income is much higher than the expenses. I would like to know where that fucking income went to. I ain't wearing Gucci shoes. I ain't even wearing "value village" closet looks like a dog's breakfast....a little of this and more of that.

Gord instructed me last week...get that "instructed" start buying some new clothes, because I am wearing the same stuff I wore when I was 30 pounds heavier. Buttttttt...I love those old baggy clothes, they feel so comfy, they have been washed so many times and are so soft. New clothes irritate my skin, and I start scratching, cutting off tags, and just being a turd.

I have sensitive skin, wool..begone, because I will die from the itching... cotton is good, but it wrinkles ...but cotton with poly works if I cut off all the tags. I have ruined many a garment by cutting off the tags, leaving gaping holes.

I'm going to go back to the drawing board to see if I can do my accounting a little more creatively, obviously I missed some expenses. I don't' want to have to sell Penny.

Sunday, April 06, 2008


I have been burning the midnight oil doing income tax prep work. This is my 3rd Sunday I have given to Revenue Canada .. should they not give me a discount for doing all the bookwork? Plus I have taken tomorrow off from work to finish it off. Those bastards owe me a shit pile of money. First they want you to keep your books in order, and then they have the nerve to ask you to bring the fricking records to your accountant to do your tax return.

This time of year brings hardship to my soul. For example, this afternoon, when I was up to my ass in spreadsheets, numbers...blah blah.. It took a turn for the worse. I made a very bad decision while sorting a excel spreadsheet. You don't want to know. I should have know better. But that spreadsheet is now in God's hands. And I fully believe, he see's everything that was somehow deleted from one's computer, I am praying he will somehow deliver that back to me tomorrow morning. I have faith. When I open up my email tomorrow, I will have one from GOD. I checked a few times today...nadda...but I will wait.

I have a back up spreadsheet, so I can start over. But I don't want to. I had planned to get this bookwork over by lunch tomorrow on my day off, and make myself pretty. Do shit I don't have time to do on the weekends.

I got a haircut on Saturday...which, by the way, looks like an old Princess Diana do. I like it. But of course I live in the past. I went through hundreds of hairdo's on the net, and always found myself back in the past. I loved the old Jane Fonda shag in the 70's, I love love love that look, and I wore it for many a year. But, now that I am older I just can't be bothered to grow my hair that long. I actually cut my hair myself in those days and shagged myself with pulling up the scissors while cutting. Another look I like that has come back is ...they used to call the Sassoon cut, shorter in the back and longer in the front. But that wouldn't do for me, because my chip monk cheeks don't need any attention put upon them.

So, if I get the bookwork done early tomorrow, I might just shave my legs, get an axe and chop off my toe nails, who have started to turn into cement, hem a few pairs of jeans... and just do something for myself for a change.

Wish me luck.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Trying to get the newbie to be a geek

Gord has refused to learn to use the computer. It pisses me off in so many ways ... some of the squirt might just have hit your eye. Did I just see you duck? Every time he wants me to check something on the net, I have to participate. Like, I really care about the price of tools in China. It BORES ME TO KINGDOM COME. My teeth clench, my whole body language speaks stilted Chinese. And I want to kung fu him, not in a good way.

So, the other day I decided to get back at him. If he wanted to have a conversation with me, he would have to learn to use the computer and the Internet. I was only going to talk to him in computer "speak." And if he wanted to know what I was talking about, he would have to get on the net and figure it out. I know,.......... tough love!

So, our day usually starts with with a shower, coffee and reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. And some small talk in between. He mentions stuff he reads, I talk about stuff I have read. It's all cool. Then we talk about what should be done that day. When he comes home from work we talk about what has been done and should have been done and make fun of each other for not doing what should have been done!

THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE. He will be forced to go on the computer to understand me, because I will be talking "Internet geek speak." If ya wanna know what I talkith about ...then go and figure it out brother.

Coffee time in the morning will go like this:

Gord: Did you pay the Mastercard bill last night on the computer?

Joan: Go to:

Gord: Huh?

Joan: Try and pay it are a big boy!

Gord: Time to head out to work, did you turn the coffee pot off?

Joan: Go to http://www.diditurnthecoffeepotoff/?.com

Gord: Damn it you....(bad word).

Joan: Check out http://www.don'

Gord: This isn't funny anymore

Joan: Check out

Gord: Talk to me!

Joan: Will you promise to learn to use the computer?

Gord: Ummm, yeah, when I have time.

Joan: Well then, go to

Gord: What's going on here, are you saying we can't hold a simple conversation without going on the Internet to get an answer?

Joan: Yes.

Gord: (who had totally forgot what we talked about)...started to talk about one of his customers who was being a real jerk. And usually we will come up with a solution at the table. But this time I told him to go to to get his answers. I didn't see him at the computer.

This is totally taking the load off my shoulders.

This morning he asked if he had any clean shorts. I told him to go to

I'll bet he isn't wearing any today.

The door closed rather loudly on his way out.

The guy has no sense of humour.

Today at work (we work in the same building) he came up front to get his mail and asked me if the guys had gone for coffee next door.

I said: check out

Oops....that one almost broke the camels back.

Then he said, all serious and shit, you have to quit this! I said, I will, all you have to do it get on the computer and try to fend for yourself and try:

He gave me the Internet finger and said put this up your

That's why I loves him, he has such a way with words.