Wednesday, April 09, 2008

When push comes to shove

With all this income tax shitolla, I have neglected my cooking with balonie site.

Well, I'm here to tell you that ole bitch would not take up the slack for me. Nope. She dug in her devil heels. So, I'm thinking of getting some professional help to get rid of her permanently. She still sits on my shoulder trying to make me do bad shit. I can.not.get.rid.of.her.

Just yesterday, I was coming home from work and was going to make a right hand turn into on coming traffic. She kept on saying "go bitch..go!"...I, being the one who has a brain (or is that brian) stopped and waited until it was safe proceed, obeying the road rules of our Province... still while I was trying to slap her stupid ass off my shoulder, light a smoke and take a cell phone call. A multi tasker I am not. Somebody had to loose.

Horns began to "honk" behind me! I checked my rear view mirror and the guy behind me was shaking his fists. "Balonie" was whispering in my ear....sayin put this fucker in reverse and lets see his air bag inflate in his ugly face. She is a smooth talker, and she had me going, because now I was mad and my brain, became brian and it wasn't connecting. The cars were still coming, and this bastard wanted to me turn into on coming traffic whether I felt safe to do so or not.

So, I put down my cell phone, thew out my smoke and backed into the bastard. And then he smashed into three other cars behind him, I got to see his ugly face for a second, before the air bag blew his head off.

Then I woke up.

Hey, it was a good dream. Most of that really happened that day, except I didn't back up and push him back. But I really wanted to...really really wanted to. Balonie is who I would like to be, a mean lean don't fuck around with me machine. I had visualized all of that when he began honking for no damn reason....but you know what I did instead... I went into traffic before I really was comfortable with doing it.

I am ashamed of myself for doing that. I let people push me around.

I was going to get rid of "Balonie" ... but you know... I should keep her on my shoulder..even though she can't cook. One day I might have some balls. Balonie has so many balls, you can't even count them. Yup, I want to be balonie with hairy balls!

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