Gord has refused to learn to use the computer. It pisses me off in so many ways ... some of the squirt might just have hit your eye. Did I just see you duck? Every time he wants me to check something on the net, I have to participate. Like, I really care about the price of tools in China. It BORES ME TO KINGDOM COME. My teeth clench, my whole body language speaks stilted Chinese. And I want to kung fu him, not in a good way.
So, the other day I decided to get back at him. If he wanted to have a conversation with me, he would have to learn to use the computer and the Internet. I was only going to talk to him in computer "speak." And if he wanted to know what I was talking about, he would have to get on the net and figure it out. I know,.......... tough love!
So, our day usually starts with with a shower, coffee and reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. And some small talk in between. He mentions stuff he reads, I talk about stuff I have read. It's all cool. Then we talk about what should be done that day. When he comes home from work we talk about what has been done and should have been done and make fun of each other for not doing what should have been done!
THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE. He will be forced to go on the computer to understand me, because I will be talking "Internet geek speak." If ya wanna know what I talkith about ...then go and figure it out brother.
Coffee time in the morning will go like this:
Gord: Did you pay the Mastercard bill last night on the computer?
Joan: Go to:
Joan: Try and pay it YOURSELF...you are a big boy!
Gord: Time to head out to work, did you turn the coffee pot off?
Joan: Go to http://www.diditurnthecoffeepotoff/?.com
Gord: Damn it you....(bad word).
Joan: Check out http://www.don'tbecussingatme.com
Gord: This isn't funny anymore
Joan: Check out http://www.whenwasiteverfunny.com/
Gord: Talk to me!
Joan: Will you promise to learn to use the computer?
Gord: Ummm, yeah, when I have time.
Joan: Well then, go to http://www.iwilltalktoyouwhenihavetime.com/
Gord: What's going on here, are you saying we can't hold a simple conversation without going on the Internet to get an answer?
Gord: (who had totally forgot what we talked about)...started to talk about one of his customers who was being a real jerk. And usually we will come up with a solution at the table. But this time I told him to go to http://www.mycustomerspissmeoff.com/ to get his answers. I didn't see him at the computer.
This is totally taking the load off my shoulders.
This morning he asked if he had any clean shorts. I told him to go to http://www.wherearemyshorts.com/
I'll bet he isn't wearing any today.
The door closed rather loudly on his way out.
The guy has no sense of humour.
Today at work (we work in the same building) he came up front to get his mail and asked me if the guys had gone for coffee next door.
I said: check out http://www.didtheguysgotothegreasyspoonnextdoorforcoffee.com/
Oops....that one almost broke the camels back.
Then he said, all serious and shit, you have to quit this! I said, I will, all you have to do it get on the computer and try to fend for yourself and try: http://www.iamsorryjoanformakingyoudoallmystuffontheinternet.com/
He gave me the Internet finger and said put this up your http://www.upyourass.com/
That's why I loves him, he has such a way with words.