Thursday, January 29, 2009

Grace in small things and Graceless

.... I didn't have to make supper...there were left overs so I made spaghetti pie.

... it's supposed to get so warm on Saturday we might have rain. thank you lord.

... on a sad note I won't be a great aunt after all, my niece lost her baby. And I just can't find any grace in that. Nothing good can come from that. None at all.

And I did not demonstrate any Grace to her after I found about it on face book. I was mad she hadn't told me. I wrote her an email mostly telling her how sorry I was, but still pissed I had to find this out on face book. I should have just left it alone. This was her way of gently telling the world she lost her baby. I'm sure my family would have actually informed me somewhere down the line. all I can think about. I must be graceful instead of pissed off. It's not about me, it's all about her and how she wants to handle it. It's a loss I would like to share with her if she needed me. And I told her I would. But, I don't want to get in her face. I know when I have problems and people get in my face asking to many questions, I blow them off. I need to take care of it by myself. Too many talking heads makes it worse sometimes. Solitude sometimes is the best medicine .... at least for me. I sent her another email tonight asking her to ignore my ranting. She's a good kid and very intuitive and she gets I think she will be ok.

Life...she can be so stinky.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I think I scared God

After all my tirades, a miracle happened and it turned warmer today. I didn't know I had so much power!

It's like Phoebe on "Friends" when Monica was trying to find what a mysterious light switch was for in her apartment and after a whole episode of trying to track it, we found it turned the TV on and off in Chandlers apartment. Then when she toggled the switch on and off Phoebe thought she had powers. She thought she was doing it.... blinking her eyes...haaaa I loved that one. Yes, I admit I watch "friends" re-runs while I make shut up.

Drapery Panels:

I have them, and you probably have them. At work today we got a shipment from a supplier in Eastern Canada. I was busy at my computer reading your blogs, when two of the guys came up to me and said "Score"..."look at what the supplier used as packing material." It was two packages of silk drapery panels. It was like we won the lottery! We opened them faster than a little kids at Christmas. I thought, being a "girl" that I would probably have first dibs on them, but soon found out that both of them were very very interested in them. One of the guys is married the other one is recently divorced. The recently divorced one, who actually found them in the box really wanted them. So, I did a demonstration, (because I am a girl and I know a lot of shit about this stuff). I took the panels out of the plastic casings, and tried to demonstrate how to hang them. Divorced guy, was a little confused. I showed him how to hang the panels as per the instructions on the back of the package. First he had to get a "rod"....blah blah. Then he said, "they look too long." I, who professes to be a decorator told him that they were supposed to "pool" at the bottom because they were silk. He bought it. But, I told him they had to be ironed because they were full of folds from being squished up as packing material. Ohhh, these young divorced men..... he didn't have an iron. Now what? Did she get the iron in the settlement? So, we decided he was going to take them to his mom's house and let her iron them. And I told him not to get too crazy about telling his friends he scored drapery today, because they are going to call him gay. Just looking out for "my boys."

Hold on...I pressed publish... I still have to do my Grace in Small I haven't spelled checked...go away. I will be right back.

Day 2 of 365:

Grace in Small Things:

Penny didn't shit on the rug today

I got to teach a few youngins about drapery hanging

It warmed up...finally.

So there.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Sonofabitch I mad and cold

It can't get colder than this. I am chilled to the bone. With the wind factor I am sure its forty below. Last night I noticed that the cord to our water bed heater (yes I am a hippy of the 60's) had become dislodged, due to some vigorous vacuuming on my part beside the the wall plug. It became an ice bed. It takes a few days to cool off, and yesterday it became noticeably cold, even the dog lay on the bed..with her tits up! I plugged it back in last night and I just tested it and now it's about 9,769 degrees and going to bed tonight will be like going to Florida for a vacation. That is how we get our kicks in Canada. We frolic in a warm water bed. I have never felt so drained by the weather until this year. I usually take it in stride, but this cold snap has got me down.

I put up a icon on my sidebar that says Grace in small things. You are supposed to find something good about every day for 365 days a year. Wellllll this was not a good time for that was it? But what the hell

Day 1 of 365 :

I am grateful I only froze my ass, not my mouth, so I can still bitch about how cold it is.

I am grateful my dog can now lay on the waterbed...tits down

I like the my big ole santa pants...they keep me bum warm.

That would be all.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Grumpy...enter at your own risk.

We are still in the deep freeze, no end in sight. It is making me grumpy. It takes a lot to make me be forewarned, this is a grumpy post.

I thought I would get a hair cut and a colour on Friday to boost my sagging spirits. It made me grumpier. Apparently what I tell a stylist to do, and what she thinks would be in my best interest...wins. While I like my hair on the short side, I never thought I would be shorne? like a sheep in spring. The colour is somewhat off as well. Blonde with grey highlights looks like what I got. Well, I will just have to do it MYSELF again. Grumpy.

Nothing is going right. I made a casserole for Sunday Night Supper...and I know it's going to taste like shit. I knew it going in. But, that did not stop me from making it. Because I wanted something warm and cozy with macaroni in it. I know full well once I bake it that f*cking macaroni will suck up every ounce of juice in the casserole; and I will be pissed off. Yes, I cooked the macaroni beforehand, but those little elbow carbs of hell suck like a leech sucking blood. I spread some Panko crumbs on top (mixed with a little olive oil and Parm cheese) hoping that we can just eat the crust along with a salad. We will see. Still Grumpy.

My wall phone in the kitchen is starting to piss me off. Whenever I hang up the phone, the entire thing falls to the floor if you aren't carefull. You have no idea how GRUMPY this makes me. I have to have filters on my phones in order to have DSL on my computer, and if you have a wall phone, they put this huge mother box on the wall.... but over the years it's holding ability to the phone on the wall has dimmed. So, I bought a desk phone, which I can put on my kitchen table. I have bought two of them and they both piss me off. I still have to plug them into the wall phone outlet and I have wires hanging everywhere. Grumpy. I took them back. I probably bitched about this before...but I'm too lazy to scroll back in the big black hole I call a blog. Grumpy.

I made a wall hanging yesterday. I love huge wall hangings. I have such large ceilings in this house, you need something large to scale it down. I have a few large frames ready to go, but finding the right pattern is always a problem. I finally found some material I liked. It's a little off beat..but it suits the living room. I spent an hour ironing it smooth yesterday, and then cut it out and stapled it to the frame. Score. It was just what I have been looking for. I put it up on the highest wall over the fireplace and it fit like a glove and made the room look nice and cosy. But, when evening fell (thud) and the light changed in the living room I could see it wasn't smooth at all and look a little lumpy. Grumpy..again. Now I have to take those big fricking staples out of the frame, re-iron it (it's cotton) and start from scratch. Grumpier.

I grow weary my friends.

But this is all shit that can be fixed. I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. It could be a hundred times worse. We could be sick and dying. But the endless cold starves my brain from seeing the big picture right now. Grumpy.

But, I did manage to take a few pics this afternoon when the cold sun was shining in the front windows. Many moons ago, my mom bought me a planter that had mirror slats around it. And when the sun hits them they look fabulous.....this pic does not make me feel actually saved me from drinking in the afternoon.

The plant needs some serious help, but I just transplanted it so it should grow. It was too close the the door and I think it got some frost bite.

Pretty cool. My mom gave me two of them, but I don't know whatever happened to the other one. I'm getting a little happier helps. I will take a pic of the wall hanging above the fireplace once I get the bugs out of it.

The chicken casserole is calling my name...oy...Gord will probably say it's good, but "hey" he is always way too kind.

I'm feeling a little better now. But if this weather keeps on like this, you might want to take me off your fav's list.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Looking upwards

I joined the Brenda Photo Challenge and the theme is "looking upwards."

As is my way.... I totally forgot about it until just right now. Deadline. I'm looking upwards right now and saying a prayer, because I have got sweet dick all. I feel obligated to at least post 4-5 pictures, but I mostly take pictures that don't involve anything upwards. As it is, I usually cut off the head of any subject I am taking a picture of, and I have many many pictures of my feet for lack of any attention span whatsoever! I have been weighing the alternatives of going into google and stealing some pics and calling them my own, or go through my vast database of bad pictures in hope of finding one of the sky or an airplane.

So, now that I have "told on myself".... I may as well wade in...and try to find 4-5 shots I took that don't involve my feet.

Too late

Still searching.

Okay, now that's better this a hot air balloon flying ( do they fly or just coast?") past our house. There is a funny story to go with this picture. The reason it was so low was because it ran out of gas and was making a slow descent, and landed on the highway about a mile from our house. Not only have I found "Looking Upward Pictures," I have stories to go along with them. I'm getting good at this. And no, the passengers were not hurt, but I think hitting pavement instead of a cow pasture might have caused them to seek out Chiropratic help.

Let's see what else I can find.

Hey, this is for real, I didn't steal this from Google, I took it from my deck. I can't wait for summer again.

I'm going back in..hold on to your shorts! Dammit.

Now this one was taken out my front window in spring. Apparently I look up more than I thought. It looks like the sky is on fire. Or a neighbouring home. But no, this had a better outcome than the balloon incident.

Okay, how many is that?...scrolling back...that's 3 excluding my foot picture. Weren't my slippers darling?

Okay, this the last one, and for those that know me best...will know what is to come.

I just can't wash that man out of my hair.

Honestly, I see him everytime I look upwards.

I have completed my committment without cheating. Now if I could get Angel Man to come a little closer, some cheating might happen.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The new world

I felt the world tip a little today. There were more people in Washington in one given moment than ever before. And it tipped. We even felt the tippiness here in good ole Winnipeg Manitoba Canada. So, if we tipped I'm sure a lot of the world felt a little jiggle.

I find it so interesting. Here in our city people are partying. We, of course are a melting pot with a large immigrant population from distant countries plus a large aboriginal population. "Free at Last" what I hear in my head, but those are not the words the people are using. It is more like ...."they (the world) finally get us"..... It's hard to put in words.

But, I know human nature. Those that who are racist will continue to be racist. That won't change. You will hear the chattering in the coffee shops or wherever the "good ole boys hang". It will take another generation to remove that stigma. But, I can see so much hope. So much energy, and even the skeptic in me finds this truly amazing.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Coupons Poopons........

Busy day, laundry, chopping ice and dog piss of my deck, and trying to figure out a new phone I bought yesterday. I had two coupons from Staples one for 30 bucks earned points and the other for twenty bucks I got off the internet. I had 50 smackaroo's to blow on Saturday. As you well know 50 bucks wont buy you very much at any store, never mind Staples.

But there I was Saturday afternoon armed and ready. We have a wall phone in the kitchen that I totally detest. I can't read the "call display"...'s run by a battery and I can't see it. And it's teeny weeny. So, I bought another corded phone that has the largest call display on the planet. I can see this sucker from a mile away. tells you the time, the date and whole bunch of other crap you don't care about. The phone cost me 23.99. Score. But as you know...If it's to good to be true ..back off.

Without going into too much stupid detail .. When I got it home, it didn't fit on the wall receptacle. Finally I took it off and put it on the table. Much better. But I had to do a lot of work to hide the receptacle on the wall. . You don't want to know. If I keep it I will take a pic. Then when I was trying to set it up the features, I put in the new dates etc. got everything running, and then I saw a ring tone feature you could apply. Hey, why not look into that "says I the stupid jerk I am." It said, press #1 if you want it to be a regular ring tone, or press 2-8 to hear alternate ring tones. I pressed 2-8 and heard all 7 of the most unbelievable awful music you have ever heard. And with the pressing of buttons and shit I may have saved one of them. It scared the dog. So, I went back in and tried to delete what sounded like the Chinese Anthem. Nope..I seem to be stuck with it for now. If that doesn't alert you to a call, then nothing will. Then I dilly dalleyed with the voice activated call display. Apparently I have not learned my lesson. I set it up for voice activation. Now, here is where it gets funny. I called my home phone from my cell to test this out. Lets just say my cell phone number was 931-0751. The female voice comes on my home phone and says you have a call from nine shree un- ero seben fie un. I have the feeling this phone was made in another country, and along with the Chinese marching songs on my ring tone. At least I could get rid of the voice activation, but I still can't get back the regular ring tone. There is a 1-800 number I will be calling tomorrow.

But hey, I was cheap, I had coupons and chose the cheapest phone. I love the blue display it has at least I can see it. I will get around this.

So now I had only spent 24.00 of my coupon windfall, so I browsed around found a nice organizer of all the junk on my desk at home, and a box of pens. A big box of pens! We will never be penless again. We can never find a pen in this house. Never. If we can, it doesn't have any ink in it. Or if we find one it's one of those asshole gel pens that write like chicken scratch. I have a shit load of good pens now, and I know they are good because I bought them for my company at work and they are smooth. But this may have been overkill for our home office because I think there are at least 40 pens in the box. But...hey I got them for free!! Do homeless people use pens? If so, I will donate.

Isn't it strange, what you will buy when you have a free coupon. If it would have been a free coupon at a grocery store I would have been on it like stink. Yes, I could have bought printer paper, ink, etc. But, I already have that all. I didn't need anything for a change.

Time to go...Desperate Housewife's is on. My only vice....well not my only one.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Post Its only work if....

You take the time to write down something legible on them. I have five sitting on my desk. Apparently I had an idea for a blog, or an important appointment, or I wanted to write a letter to Bill Gates on how much I loved Windows. I have no idea what they mean. One says, Kiltz. Kiltz? Like I would remember that. Did I Kiltz someone in my sleep? Or was it Bill Gates? I'm not sure. Some days I'd like to harpoon the bastard, and other days...ehhh he's not so bad.

There was a "post it" that said for a msg bite. I must have written this one in my sleep because I have no idea what that means.... and I only wrote that one twenty minutes ago!! It will come to me. It was an idea for a post! TWENTY MINUTES AGO! No more shorthand.

The next one I found said.."Break in your new hips".....I remember this one, because there is this commercial where this old guy asks this old broad to dance with him to "break in his new hip"...and I laughed really hard, and suffered some incontinence of my own. Lesson here is...don't laugh at the elderly. You are THIS CLOSE. So, shut the fuck up.

The next one said "Top Bum"....179x226px Java Script Void. Again, I don't know what that means. Apparently I was trying to download porn, and needed it in to be in a specific format. That would be me, I have to be in control. But I can't find that picture. Damit. God only knows where I filed that sucker.

Post It's...the little sticky buggers who rule my world are starting to piss me off. It's not their fault, only mine. I write partial thoughts on them, and think I might remember what the hell I was thinking. Not so much, most of the time.

It's still mighty cold out here. We are just coming out of the deep freeze. Tomorrow we should be back to normal temps, if you call 10c. normal. Four weeks of this has almost done me in and it's more than a body can bear. We are sending this cold mass to Ontario...and then to the US of A. Deal with it.

DO YOU SEE WHAT THE COLD HAS DONE?....I have nothing more to say, "brain freeze" has taken hold.

I'll be back, and you will be sorry.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

In memory of my Munchie...1983-2000

Today it was nine years ago since my Princess died. I always loved this picture where my dad put his hat on her head. We were in our motor home, just getting ready to play cards, and we dealt her in.

She was the first dog I owned from birth. We had a dog when I was living at home before I was married, but I never had my own dog.

It was almost like giving birth except for the painful stuff, and of course breast feeding. Thank God she was weened by the time I got her.... or I might of tried it. I was crazy about her.

But soon after I got her, I found out the hard way about training a puppy. I was not prepared. I worked full time and had two cats, and 5,627 fish in an aquarium, and oops and let's not forget "Pecker" my budgie, plus my husband, but thankfully he was litter trained.

I took three weeks of holidays when I got Munchie, just to make sure I would be there for her to make the transition from her mom's house to mine. I never ever expected how needy a little puppy could be. My cats were a handful when they were young, but much more independent than a dog. It was a learning experience, and some days when I would come home to find toilet paper strung from one room of the house to the other, I couldn't believe it. House proofing the house had not occurred to me until then.

Haaaa...that's her flipping over because she knew she was in trouble. She was so little then. She did really well with house training as far as going out to pee and stuff, I finally figured out I should contain her in the kitchen when we weren't home and if she had an accident, so it wouldn't be on the carpets. But, I have to admit there was a point where I thought "what have I got myself into"? I know, people who have had kids are laughing their asses off right now reading this. Hey, I was a babe in the woods. My cats had litter boxes, the bird shit in the cage, and the fish...shit in the I wasn't used to anyone shitting on my carpets. If I would have got pregnant in those days, and had a kid shitting in diaper...I think I would have lost my friggin mind. Way to much crap coming out of way too many bums already. Clean up on isle one...all the time. Changing the water in the fish tanks, cleaning kitty litter boxes, and cleaning up the bird cage............ oy..and now this little furry critter who stole my heart. It all worked out.

She changed my life. My Friday night cocktail hour(s) with my pals after work, stopped, because ...well I had a dog who had to empty her bodily fluids in a timely manner, and that meant 5:00 PM. Not 10:30 or so when I normally got home.. a little tipsy. Everything changed for the better. As she grew, and I smartened up a bit, we started to get to know her, and love her to bits. I may have lost a few drinking buddies, but it was well worth it. We walked for miles everyday, and I got to see stuff around the neighbourhood I never would have if I wouldn't have had her.

I am forgiving, for all the slippers and bedcovers she ate, and how many baths I had to give her....she could not pass up a mud puddle or a garden that was soaking wet to roll in.

This time, she was helping my dad dig for potatoes in the garden. She was a good helper.

She was the most wonderful dog. Kind and gentle right to the end.

You be a good girl honey bunny. See you when I get to heaven.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Santa pants as ordered

But I'm not in them. I took them out of the wash basket to show them to you. My socks were still stuck to the bottom of the legs. I took them off... it just looked too real. Man I love these pants. WTF, do I have one leg shorter than the other? I just noticed that. Or is my house shifting? Okay they are hanging a little lopsided on the hanger..pheww. Be still my heart, because "It's always something" in the palace.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The credit card bills from Christmas are in

I didn't realize we had such a good time. Normally I am a little on the cheap side. I must of let my hair down...all three inches of it. It was probably all the herring I bought at Christmas for those "Lutherans".... man they can scarf that shit down.

Who knew I would buy a 4' old fashioned standing Santa Claus, that I just had to have. I hated to put him down into the basement when it was all over, because whenever I looked at him, he made me smile. His eyes were piercing, and I felt him looking back at me. And he was soft and had had the most beautiful dark red velvet suit ever. We had it going on. Bye bye you sexy santa. We got a date next December.

Ahh yes all the prezzies and the food, and the liquor and my santa pants probably brought the bill higher. I bought a pair red micro fibre ...ummm how do I describe them?...lounging pants for 9.99. I'm wearing them right now. They are so warm, and so light, you can't even feel you are wearing anything. The downside is they are butt ugly. Yesterday (Sunday) I had to make an unexpected trip to the store. I was wearing my red lounging pants at the time. I never gave it a thought as I went downstairs to the closet to put on my parka, mitts, scarf, plus I stuck a few menthol suppositories up my ass to stay warm. Jeez it's cold out there.

Anyway I took a look at myself in the full length closet mirror before I left. And what to my surprise, I looked like like a "bag lady"....all I needed was a shopping cart. The red lounging pants really set off the look. Although I had carefully paired it with my black fake fur jacket that has snowflakes running through it. I choose a very nice pair of boots to make this "look" come alive. The boots are black, so that was a bonus, but they are high tops, and scrunched up my red lounging pants over the top of them. I indeed looked like Saint Nick. But it was getting late, and I thought "what the hell" I have seen worse and went shopping. Opps, I forgot one thing, I had bed head hair as well, it was Sunday and I didn't give a crap.

By the time I got to the store (in the freezing cold) I had already forgotten what I looked like. Never gave it a thought. Nobody pointed at me, at least if they did I didn't notice. I just bought my bottle of ketchup..yes ketchup, because I was making a sweet and sour sauce for supper and I had run out of ketchup. All that fucking work for a bottle of ketchup.

So, the moral of this story is.... make something else for supper if you run out of ketchup. In this weather it's not worth the effort. Tonight it is supposed to go down to -32 degrees C. a wind chill of "holy shit"............I'm keeping my red lounging pants on all night long baby...all night long.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Clean up time

The tenant who finally left our little rental house at the end of December made a mess. I can't believe what he did. I can't believe how dirty it was. I can't believe what people who you give the benefit of the doubt when they are in financial trouble do to you. I was dumbfounded. I truly am. Twelve years ago, I spent 3 months along with a carpenter renovating this little house. It was a great experience, and both of us poured our hearts into making a run down house into a new home. The little house resides beside a building we own, and we always wanted to keep our options open just in case we needed the property for parking. But so far we haven't and the house was rentable after we renovated it. So, that is what we have been doing. We were lucky, we had a great couple living there for all these years up until last year when they moved and bought their own home. By this time the little house was showing some wear and tear, so we thought we would reduce the rent and try to keep it alive long enough until we decided to do something else with the property. It was still neat and clean and was very nice but apparently we rented it to two jack asses. I think I told this story before..if I did "nevermind"

So, to make a long story short, I will show you some of the pictures I took of my little house on Friday. The house was an average older home, but it did have some nice features in the dining room had two pillars on each side, and it was so cute. We installed all new kitchen cabinets, countertops, appliances, and a new bathroom , as well as a upright washer and dryer. We also put new flooring throughout, and everything was given a fresh coat of paint and all repairs were made inside and out.

I wish I had pictures when we did the reno, to show the comparison now, but that was in the days before digital cameras.

anywho...look at this shit show..

This is the back of the little house with all the garbage he left behind. The house still looks the same, but without the garbage.

This is what we found in the kitchen. Look at the linoleum!! Look at the mess.

This is the bathtub. He had two little children living here. I dare you to click to make it bigger..I don't want to scare you.

This is the sink.

This is the dining room.

This is the oven.

This is where he build a blind in the house so no one could see in, along with crap he put around the AC unit...OMG. Then he tore it down before he left. He must have painted the living room, it is so ugly. It's a horrible colour and he destroyed all my window seats. I hate that son of a bitch.

Upstairs leading to the kids bedrooms he changed the height of the doorknobs. Why, would would he do that? I am guessing so the kids couldn't get out of there. That fucking bastard. We had child and family services over there because we were worried, and they said the house was acceptable, but we had never been in it before now. What a bunch of assholes. Both bedroom doors had been tampered with. He probably put them in their rooms when he had to go out, because he didn't have anyone else around there to babysit them.

Using rags and socks to cover up a broken window.

Two screen doors which have been torn off plus junk beside it.

It goes on and on.

It's really strange, how one individual who cannot even pay his rent can use the system to stay in a rental home and trash it. As long as he plays the "I am poor, and I have two kids card." We had no idea what the interior looked like until we went in a few weeks ago, but now after he left and trashed's even worse. I cannot believe "child services didn't pick up on it." Every time we tried to get in, he would call the police and things escalated, so we just let it ride out, because for some reason he thought he only had to be out on December 31st. He had the notice to be out on October 31st. So perhaps he didn't have his reading glasses on. Whathefuckever. He had the nerve to call us slum landlords, when he never once called us for any repairs. I guess that is what happens when your landlord still believes your lies when you are in 3,000.00 in arrears.

Gord cleaned the whole place up today. I don't know what we are going to do with my little house. I think it will cost too much to renovate again, because it's pretty old, or we might just "pave paradise and put up a parking lot."

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Zen, spoke to me +Happy Blogiversary to me.

Ven youse gits too cratzy mit the alphabitz, den you kanst carry on mit da schrieben.

So, I'm carrying on mit da schrieben. Now, that I have not only bastardized the English language, I have taken on the German language. I have a lot on my plate. It's only a matter of time when the WORD police storm my home. Let them try to take me. I have lots of words. Words, I haven't even used yet. Well, if I would look through my blogs I might see that I have used a good portion of them.

I remember something that happened three years ago or so ......
which reminds me ... I started my blog in January of these fingers have done a lot of walking since then. Happy Blogiversary to me. So there. I think wine is in order. Done.

Back to my story....

In those days I sort of mimicked other bloggers. You know . with the language .. and the shortcuts to get my story told. I have to admit it was slap happy writing. And I so liked to use ellipses which has not changed to this day. I cannot live without them........ see? My blog wasn't supposed to be a classic novel. Just my journal and a way to meet fellow bloggers.

One day, a guy left a comment on my blog. Apparently, he was someone who was trying to teach other people how to write a blog; and made mine an example of "how not to write a blog"....ouch. He actually took my blog into his and pointed out the errors of my ways. In his comment to me, he said ... I hope you don't mind, but I have used your blog to teach bloggers how not to blog. He never asked my permission. But then I was just a babe in the woods as far as blogging went, so I didn't know what to do.

I was devastated when I went on his site and found he made fun of the way I wrote. He did that to a lot of other people too. He searched for blogs that he found to be beneath him and used them as a example. I should have sued that bastard. But it didn't keep me from blathering on. I was very new to blogging at the time, so I didn't shake his ass, but if someone would do that to me right now, I would find him and barbecue his ass. I almost quit then, because I so embarrassed. I felt so dumb and wondered about those who commented on my site, would they read his review? I think blogging /journals have gone beyond that now... here was a typical jerk trying to undermine those that were just trying to put their thoughts out there, without any judgment and just having some fun.

But as it is in anything these days, there are always the those who feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better and superior. So I carried on, and left him in my dust. He would have been the typical hockey dad that beat up the coach if his kid was benched. I just can't deal with people like that.

So, that was my initiation to the blogging world.

Blogging has been the one and only thing I have taken on, that I have not quit. I start projects all the time and never really see them through...either I get bored or find a reason to quit. I really liked digital scrap booking, but I'm saving that one for retirement because it just takes up way too much time. Hand Scrapping would have sent me over the wall with all the little pieces of crap you have glue to paper and shit...Oy, I would have to put a gun to my head. I still have a rug hooking kit downstairs with an unfinished rug sitting there from 1987. It's beautiful, but for some reason I cannot finish off the last 10 rows. I lost interest and that was it. I tried to finish it off about two years ago, and found my wrists were not as nimble as they were in 1987, so it's still waiting for me.

I love to crotchet, I really do, but it demands you have sit in one place .. and you can't really watch TV and do housework at the same time. I remember crocheting 3 Afghans for my nieces while watching the winter Olympics in Calgary. I never saw any of it, my eyes were on my work. Figure skating was my favourite, and I missed when all the skaters fell.......son of a bitch.. the best part!.. and then every time I would raise my eyes to watch the TV they would be skating perfectly, and once I looked down at my work again I would hear the crowd groan, and they would be on their asses on the ice. Or if they did the most perfect quad...or whatever, I would miss it!! I managed to finish afghans, only to discover I had carpal tunnel in my wrist from crocheting the hell out of it. Yes, they were big mother afghans and I had to do THREE in one month. So, now I blog. I am still only listening to the TV in the background, but who cares. This is more fun.

So, thanks for reading my blogiversary special. If you have tuned out by have missed nothing nadda.... maybe a few ellipses. But there is more of those where they came from. My fingers are full of them.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I'm typing s l o w no more mishtakens

If my memory serves me right, Penny has taken the "squeak" out of at least 6,751 rubber balls I have given her. They all had the squeak factor entrenched in their cheap plastic interior. But none could escape her sharp teeth and strong jaw. She won't play with a ball unless it squeaks, so of the 6,751 balls, we have three left. All three are on the verge of becoming history. (I'm typing very slowly, can you tell)? You need to read this as slowly as I type this or it won't be any fun. Got it? Okay then, we are on the same page, so to speak.

This was just a test to see if I could keep my spastic fingers from flying around the keyboard creating havoc on my blog. I have soft music going on in the background, I did some breathing exercises to alleviate my penchant for talking (typing) through my ass.

Everything from here on in, will be Zen like. Seriously, I think I have a higher power.

Hello, oh you are still here, I just had a Zen nap. Do Zens nap? Whatever, I just had one, because I am a peace with my inner self, and this will bring me to a place where I no longer type in riddles. Even my dog who is sleeping peacefully at my feet, can feel the calm in my body and my mind.

Perhaps I have gone to far. She just took a shit under my computer table. I'm kidding, but that could happen if you let yourself get too Zen like. You can't be too careful when you get into "The State". Your dog or husband will pick up your vibes and get so calm, they feel they can shit wherever it is convenient. So, that is something to consider if you are trying to change your lifestyle. And of course try to type slower when you are writing on your blog.

The healing will continue. By tomorrow, I will be typing at a clipped pace, but I will be in the right place in my mind. My fingers will keep up with my thoughts, not my fingers first.

Peace out.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Who knew

You could make so many spelling mistakes, leave out so many words in a sentence, and be so grammatically incorrect? My last post is a shining example of shameless blogging. If you are going back ...forget it..I cleaned it up a bit, but it's still a shambles. Apparently I have invented my own version of grammar and spelling. It seems that when a thought pops up in my head, I start writing from the end of the thought to the beginning of it. A new and inventive way to write. It's like if I told you a story about my dog barking at a squirrel she cornered in a tree. My version would be: Penny saw a tree, and started barking at a squirrel. Do you see the pertinent information that was left out? I will have to work on my "thought process." Man,I don't make any fucking sense. The pertinent information was.....Penny saw the squirrel, jumped around the tree trying to get the squirrel, then gave up and took a dump. My version....Penny took a dump, when she saw a squirrel. Okay enough with that analogy. The next time she does that I hope that squirrel bites her in the ass. Or should I say, Penny had an ass, and a squirrel bit it.

So, this is the way I write. It's nuts, and a little confusing. Try to read between the lines until I take about 2 frickin minutes to spell check and proof read. Mind you I find my own stuff so hard to proof read. I can spot stuff in other blogs, but not my own. I think it was the ham soup personally, it makes you crazy.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

This my way of boring you

This little beggar has scooped up at least a hundred peanuts in two days. He never quits! I love my new camera...I can zoom in and get a fairly decent picture. But I think I already told the whole world how much I like my camera. My old little Kodak is sitting on the shelf pouting...but I don't give a hairy rats ass, it is and was a piece of crap. I didn't kick it to the curb or anything, because it tried real hard. These days you get attached to dogs, cats and yer ole technology. So, I will bring her to work to take mundane pictures of the UPS man, the postal carrier, (sometimes they wear shorts until the middle of December), it's a sight to see.

Just another one of my nights shots on the back deck. We got so much snow yesterday it was crazy. It just kept on coming and coming.

So of course..this latest snowfall was a job FOR THE ONE AND ONLY "PLOW BOY"....oh lord, there was no stopping him today. He started off at the house, and left for parts unknown to plow.

He went to the shop did the parking lots over there. The man is in his glory.

The City snowplows just came by, and took all the snow off our street. It was a miracle. Usually it takes a week before they get to the side streets.

I spent the major portion of my afternoon, doing sweet "F" all. I was doing the laundry, while cooking a pot of soup. I had a ham bone left over from Christmas and decided to make soup. I don't know shit about making soup from a ham bone, so I just put it in some water and let it boil...them simmer away until all the meat fell away from the bone. While I was doing that, I took my laptop into the kitchen and put on Sex in the City...the movie. So, now I was doing three things at once, laundry, watching a DVD and cooking. So no time was wasted sitting down in a comfortable chair watching a movie. That would be a crime. That is just how my mind works.

So, nevermind. I am folding laundry, watching the movie and still cooking the broth for the soup. I took the bones out of the soup and cut away the leftover ham and threw that back in the pot. I still didn't have a clue what my next step would be. I rummaged around my cupboard and found some dried green peas.. SCORE.. I could make French Green Pea Soup. I sliced and diced carrots, onions, celery, and potatoes to add to my mystery soup. I threw that in. Added spices that were not particularily French, more Mennonite like I'm used to. I let if all come a boil, and took off the lid to see if it smelled ediable. It smelled like green peas. Suddenly they had taken over the hammy smell I had before. I didn't like that.

By this time my movie was over. I turned on the TV and tried to find something to watch, and found a movie... The Titanic. I have seen it before, but I thought...what the hell, it was a long time ago. So, I was still in the kitchen, smelling and fucking around with my soup plus bringing up loads of laundry to fold while watching TV, so I started to watch it. I didn't really remember much of it at all. At one point I was so confused, I was wondering where was Shelley Winters? Old fart syndrome I guess...that was the Poisiden Adventure! Ahem. Just put people underwater and they all look alike.

I think I will stick to watching the HGTV.... movies are too complicated for me.

So, you are wondering about the soup. Well, I put a Mennonite touch to it, plus I thought it needed a can of spicy tomatoes, because it smelled too pea/ish . ..those peas didn't smell pleasing. In other words, my soup don't mix Mennonite spices with the French pea soup, they start to fight each other. Yeah, my soup has a war going on. It might be time to order a pizza.

Seriously, it stinks like pea.

Back to work tomorrow after being off for almost two weeks.. whaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I was almost getting used to this life. The only part I will really miss is sleeping in. I love sleeping in more than anything in the world. In my warm water bed on a cold winters night. If I could only get a job from 10:00 AM to 5:00PM...I would be the happiest camper in the world. I will have to talk to my boss. I might be able to swing it.

PS..... a couple of hours later.

The soup was great! Who knew. But we were hungry. Leftovers might be another story.

40 below for tomorrow.....wind chills of 50 and more. Time to hunker down for the next month or so.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

2008 Recap


Just as I had parked my truck, I noticed the wind had taken a ladys receipt out her hand and started to blow it around the parking lot. She went running after it. The wind was not her friend. The wind swept the receipt to the right, then to the left, then to the left again, and then to the right, as she was scrambling after it. It was funny as hell. She could not catch that receipt. Everytime she almost had it in her hand, it would go the other way. I got out of my truck and thought maybe I should help her. By this time she was way down the parking lot, and another lady who had just come out of another store saw her dilemma and started chasing the receipt with her. They could not corner it. Every time they got close to it, it would go the other way. to see these ladies trying to corner a receipt. The receipt wasn't flat. It was one of those receipts that are all curled up, therefore making the wind playful. "Wind" had such a blast with these two...he played with them for about 5 minutes..I swear! And took them through his hoops.


So, to take my mind off the largest penis in the world cooking in my cockpot, I started my veggies, onions and mushrooms and baked potatoes at my regular time. Now I was hungry, and had no problems making supper. Except, I kept on looking at the "big guy," at one point in the afternoon, there was some white stuff (probably scum) staring out at me on the top of the roast. Lord.. you don't want to know where my mind went. I really think they should have a lid you can't see through, because I don't need to see what happens while they make a cockpot porno movie.


I'm an idiot..but you probably knew that
I read a lot of blogs during the week. Sometimes I get a little dyslexic. A lot of people use blogger, typepad, wordpress....whatever. Last month I found some blogs in a place called Dairy Land. (Stop laughing right now.) I thought it was so cool. Dairy Land. The land of butter and cows. I thought all the blogger citizens of "Dairy Land" lived in a huge gated Internet community surrounded by white fences and rolling hills.. with horses grazing and cattle mooing. A picturesque quaint blog site somewhere in Montana or wherever cattle graze in the USA.

When I started reading their blogs I never noticed anything different about them. Yes, they were not in the same format I was used to, but it was kind of hard getting around. Also, their templates were..hmmm a litttttle weird. But they were Dairy bloggers so I figured they had to use the templates Dairy land had to offer. I found some really good blogs in there. Nice people.

Last week, I was reading a blog, and the person said she was so happy to have a place like Dairy Land (I was still reading it that way) be able to write a personal Diary. Ooops..the lights came on...Dairy, Diary....OMG. for shit's sake it was THEIR FRICKING DIARY. No cows, no nothing and they don't live in a gated white fenced cow infested Internet community!

It' sort of like ...when.. for years... you have been singing the wrong words to a song.

So, to all the people in Diary Land blogs I have commented on...I apologize.. I really thought ya'll lived on the farm.

But let's face it, I will miss Dairy Land. It just seemed so safe.

I bought two deep fried breaded chicken pieces at Safeway, and a small container of macaroni and cheese for my supper..halleluya...grease at last...grease at last. I still have some peas and carrots left over from last night, so I am going to pig right out. But, I don't think I will eat the breaded skin of the chicken, I will just squeeze the grease on my body so I can smell it the whole night long. Sometimes a girl needs a little oiling up.


I just finished mowing the back 40 with our newer lawn mower "Sane Jane." "Jake the Snake" was in the other shed, and I could hear him rumbling in there getting all pissed off. Now that Gord has got him all fixed up, he is feeling his oats...and thinks he's the man and has balls. He is mistaken. Jane has a vagina...a very big one that she uses as a bagger of de grass. How convenient. I mow, she sucks it up in her humongous vagina bag, and I dump it out. Simple. Jake used to just spit it out, even if we attached a ball bag. Macho bastard. I love Jane. Jake, you are one little piece of crap. What we haven't told you yet, is we put you up for sale, you sick bastard. You are in the "Buy and Sell" as of today. I can't wait. If you decide not to start the day we show you off to the new owner I will personally take you out. Just so you know.


I hope you have enjoyed reading about my supper going in my mouth and out my ass. It was a journey, and thanks so much for traveling down this road with me. What are friends for?


Nothing like a little Miracle Grow, to get you off your ass and into your mosquitoe infested garden. I swear after I drank a bottle of that along with a little sprig of mint, and splash of rain water, I turned into a giant gardener. And for some reason I starting singing..Hi Ho Hi's off to work we go. And then I turned into a midget. Don't drink that shit. You never know. Read the label. I can hardly reach my keyboard.....Help...


I just yelled at a neighbour over the next street who was drilling concrete, that made my ears bleed. It was horrible...and he quit....One for me! I am getting better at nothing than anyone else.


This brings me to Saturday going to another "walk in" salon. My first impression was ...holy fuck...The receptionist had a row of bleached blonde curls from the crown of her head to her eyebrows...which was parted..neatly on each side with pitch black hair on each side. Not a bad look for a skunk. She was Russian and could hardly speak English...but being the receptionist she knew I was there to get my hair cut so we got around why the hell I was there.. As I was making the arrangements, she was frantically waiving to another lady in the back room (who was visible from the front door) and she said.... ..dis vill be yorm styeist from todayest I hope you likes her notz.



Tuesday at work I decided to sit on my leg/foot on my chair at work because it was stiff. I crammed it up in under my ass, and when that leg/foot went to sleep...I changed over to the other one. So, apparently the heels of my shoes bruised my nether regions. I will have to remember not to do that again. In a way, I kicked myself in the ass. How befitting.


I'm guessing in my hurry I turned off the radio, with the remote still in my hand while I was dispensing the lettuce in the crisper section of the fridge and dropped that bad boy in with it.

There, I told on myself.


I just can't believe how much he looks like Gord...from the rear at least..even the boots...and the shovel....the halo and wings....not so much.
Ahh Fuck the Russian. I'm over it.