Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I might just make this my theme for the month of November including the 70's and 80's, someone might be interested in how we (the baby boomer's) managed to survive the revival
in our own special way. And yes, there was some drugs, some sex and some rock and roll...but given my Mennonite background I was the world's worst hippy. I walked and talked it...but I never really embraced it. I was a wannabee. I wore flowers in my hair, tossed my bra in the air, and drenched myself in patchouli and said "fuck the system man." I had no idea what I was talking about. More about that in the coming weeks. God, I was so stupid... I laugh out loud sometime when I think back....like what the hell were you thinking?
I can't find any pictures of the time I fell (jumped) off the boat without my clothes on. But, when my friends all get together the subject always seems to come up. Doesn't anyone my age start forgetting shit?... you would think!!! But, they don't. It's okay, I got a lot of crap on them too.
So stay tuned....I think I'm on a roll.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Thirty days of barking me head off...will certainly put you to sleep. God, someone send me a meme!!! Halp. I need some material. I don't want Youtube you to death either, because that gets a little annoying.
I will have dredge up my past.........ohhhhhnoooo....with pic's.......ohhhhhhnooo.....nobody should know what a douche I was. But oh well, who gives a shit I'm just another blogger in the whole scheme of things. Think of me as nobody you ever read. Good. Then. I will carry on as if you never heard of me and we can start our relationships over...and I can copy all my old blogs in November........nahhhhh I'm not the desperate....I will just make shit up. Like I always do.
Speaking of meatloaf, we had a really good supper tonight. I made a good beef gravy with mushrooms and onions...yummers ... but I didn't have any potatoes in the pantry, so I made "Hot Meatloaf Sandwiches" and smoothered them in gravy along with a shit pile of veggies. it was really good...and low fat mind you. Alway that. It's hard sometimes, but I find a way. I have had just about "Chickened out" these last few weeks...I'm so tired of chicken I could just about kick a chicken in the ass if I saw one, which is unlikely in the city. But, if I did see one, I would kick him/her. Little peckers! I need me some ribs!!! Baby back ribs! NOW. And bacon and eggs......lordy what I'd give for a nice breakfast of bacon and eggs with hash browns...and tomato slices...I'm drooling on my keyboard. The day will come again. Waiting is the worst part. I miss my Salisbury House hamburgers too.......ohhhhh will it never end.
We are still losing weight...I'm 135 now, so I could possibly incorporate some of the old stuff, but Gord is a standstill, so I'm waiting for him. It's always so hard to loose those last 20 pounds, but it will come. I'm a person who looses her appetite at the first sign of stress, and Gord eats more if he is stressed....so never the twain shall meet. >...time to get rid of the stress.
So...send me memes..... Q&A....anything that will get me through the month of November without me embarrassing myself with pictures of the time I fell off the boat without my bathing suit. Deal?
Friday, October 26, 2007
Okay, I got them back, now the birds are really annoying me...make them stop. Ohhh, now we have waves, I like them...and a little thunder and rain.
Hello, what time is it? I think I just dozed off.
It's raining a little harder than I anticipated in my CD world. I'm not liking the thunder, but I'm used to that shit. Fuck, now I have to pee...all that frickin rain...... to late. I just pissed my pants. The rain is letting up right now....just a drizzle....what's next?
Frickin Frogs.... now the frogs are mating, and it's making me nauseous. Two green things sitting on top of each other slimming themselves into reproduction.
Hey, here comes the water part again, this time I really have to GO.....BRB.
I think it's a flood! Get out the Ark!
..I have to wait a moment before I really get what is coming next.
I think it is God calling the animals into the Ark, but I can't be sure. He sound like Johnny Carson....with a birdie voice.
Yes, the storm is about to start, ohhh my it's getting loud. My bladder is empty, so if the CD tries to put anymore water tracks on it....I win... it's all in my pants already. A word to the wise, if you have to pee when you hear water running...don't listen to CD's like this.
Okay, another bird. Two more chirps...and I'm gonna get out my sling shot.
That is what a bad week does to ya....nature starts to piss you off.
Hold on...I'm just hearing the geese overhead ..... good thing it's on a CD or I would have goose shit on my deck.
I'm starting to get more cheerful.
I am such a bitch...heh
Thursday, October 25, 2007
To top it all off, one of my fucking neighbours is celebrating something (he probably just got laid) I don't know, by blowing up firecrackers....much to my dog's dismay. I'll have to get her off the couch in front of the window, before she shits herself!! Lord, the minute I sit down to type a WORD...everything in the world takes precedence...everything.....
Gord....where are my shoes? ...try looking at your feet dumbo
Gord... can you get out of blogger and check our bank statement?....noooooo
Penny... I'm hungry...where are the snacks....bastard
Phone call.... You just won a trip to an undisclosed location, and we want your credit card number to confirm you actually want to go nowhere. Arseholes!
Email: A facebook invitation........gawwwd almighty... no I don't want to join your group and poke you...maybe I would if I was a male...but being female...I got nuttin to poke with ..other than my middle finger... if you get my drift.
It's garbage day...and I just brought out all the garbage to the front street, as Gord was coming up the driveway. He parked his truck and still hasn't come in, so hopefully he has parked his ass in one of those cans.. it will save me the trouble. He will be gone by morning.
It's been one of those weeks my friends, when you want to make it all go away.
Everything I have made for supper this week tasted like shit. Everything. How can you screw up nothing? Yeah...I made stuff, but it tasted like paper. I should have omitted the fibre I thought it needed to make it a healthy meal. And when you use a newspaper that uses a lot of coloured ink.... there is a surprise waiting for you in the morning.
Then there is the wine fiasco... I ran out of my homemade stuff! And had to go to the liquor store to buy the real stuff. Apparently, the "real stuff" has a little more kick to it than mine. This caught me off guard, because I put paper in my supper. heh.... who knew?
Then, I got my pay cheque today...minus two days off of work from when I was sick last week. I phoned our head office and asked them....like who the hell is going to pay my MasterCard if you arseholes are going to keep deducting my time when I am not at work! The answer, was...tough nuggies...no workie, no pay...bastards!!
I'm not in a good place. Fortheloveoftakingagunandblowingmyheadoff! But, of course I am kidding, we have gun laws in Canada, and that would be against the law....and I'm all about the law.
I'm thinking about taking my aggression out to the Pumpkins.. I'm going to be kicking the shit of them. Why not. Everyone takes knives to them this time of year, why can't I kick the shit out of them? It's all about aggression isn't it. People feel the need to cut up a perfectly good piece of squash ... carve the funny faces in it....put a candle in the centre and burn it's guts out...and kick it to the curb. Nah...I couldn't kick a pumpkin...I couldn't even kick a curb. So, I have to find something I can kick, like my ass. If I position myself correctly, I could manage it. If I fail, it's off the chiropractor I go...that's they are there for. Help those, that are stupid.
Next week will be a better week. We all have the crap going on.
I'm just glad I finished one THIS WEEK!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I'm cooking fish.
and it took me so long to catch them. The little bastards... now, I'm too tired to tell you about my exciting life.
I'll be back...tomorrow.... be afraid.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
When I told Gord we were having Stew for supper tonight, he started singing a VERY old song. Stu Ball was a Race Horse..Haaaaa I laughed my ass off. You have to be ancient...but I loved that song... Stu ball never drank water...he only drank wine...my kinda horse.
I'm off the cold med's and back to what one might suggest as a normal human being.
Damn, that free range stew is smelling mighty good about now, I only cut myself 4576 times cutting up the veggies and the beef. There is always a price to pay for organics...and if I have to do some "blood letting"...short of of leeches, hey, I'm your girl. The problem is my brand new sharp knife... I am used to cutting up shit with a knife that is as dull as I am. I slice and dice and I get pissed off ...but never thinking, fortheloveofwiltshure (stay sharp)..would there be a knife that would get all the jobs required in the kitchen done? So I bought me one of those big boys at Canadian Tire last week. And later a package of Fred Flintstone bandages. It was a good match.
We got all the crap off the back 40 and the deck today, tables, chairs, etc. and sent them to THE SHED. They don't like Mr. Shed. Sometimes in winter I see them trying escape. The chairs are the worst, they inch themselves in front of the doorway...and because there are 6 of those bastards ..they rule, and try to bust out. There is no stopping them. They want to be sat upon. They miss my small, but delicate farts on a summers eve, Penny's hairy ass, and Gord's big one. Chairs are people too. So, when I see them doing the "rumba" at the shed door, I shed a little tear, because they miss us, as we do them. Poor little bastards. We will see them again in spring, I'll fart in them, the dog will drool, and Gord will sink his portly ass in them. All will be well with the world.
I say this, as I am thinking about my "mentor" Mary Lou who's brother might not be so lucky to see the spring. I know how difficult it is when Cancer strikes a family. It doesn't only take out the member, but it takes out a piece of you and chews you into pieces. And you don't know which way to turn. You can give it to God...but no matter how you choose to deal with it...it's yours. One step at a time throughout the process...one step at a time. And Mary Lou if you are reading... I love you..and thanks for being my friend and we will get through this together, you helped when my Gord had his heart attack. I'm here for you my friend.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I can't wait to get there again.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Then Postie does the old ...grab the door trick .. when he thinks it is open .. and damn near falls over backwards on his ample arse when it doesn't open, because Canada Post tells all their drivers to get in...and get out..fast. So...I run like hell............. my ass is on fire when I hear he is trying to open the door, because...we got a mail thang going on. I always apologize for the rudeness of my company and myself, for dislocating all the joints in his left arm. And I didn't even get to the end of the DELL flyer...but that will be for another exciting day in the "can."
I found a shit pile of work to do today on my desk. Doesn't anyone know how to do anything while you are away? My boss was almost dripping with glee...with the amount of it. Bastards!
Ya...I loves them all alot..and was happy to be back in the clan. 4 days at home feeling crappy, was moreandenoughforme.
Some good news, Gord finally bought a new van. If all goes well, I can stop driving the Stinkin Lincoln before the snow flies. I will miss being propositioned at red lights...by senior citizens.
Speaking of which....ya know how I hates to be asked if I am a senior citizen at Safeway on Seniors Wednesday 10 PERCENT OFF...AND I AM NOT...Our Safeway just got a new facelift these last few weeks, and we have all new shit in there. It's really cool..Starbucks and everything..yeah like I ever had one....anyway....I had all my groceries lined up...and I was waiting for the the question by this 18 year old boy at the till.
I had my guns in my holster...waiting to shoot that son of a bitch.
He put through my order, while I was watching the screen, and then I caught him taking "just a glance" at me..... I felt it.....and he punched in the 10 percent seniors discount without asking me a question. He was about 18 and everyone looks like they are 65 to him....heh..I fooled him. I very much appreciated him not asking......you go out feeling a little ole but it's okay. Even tho you are.
Went in to have my eyes tested for the glasses and my optomitrist had just got a new fancy dancy machine that blows air in your eyes to see if you had problems instead of the usual crap they put in your eyes. And when he tested my eyes, he said the readings were high, and continued to punch air into them at least 10 times, to make sure. Then he told me that with this new machine he had already sent 4 people to their doctors to make sure his reading were right, two came back good..two came back with problems, and said when I came back to pick up my glasses he would do the the test again. Fuck that. I made an appointment with my own doctor, because I don't trust him. If I got it, I want to be there with a doctor, not a Optometrist.
Does Blogger offer braille blogging... scares me. Hey.. life after 60 ain't no cake walk.
Monday, October 15, 2007
There is no chicken soup in the larder to cure me. I'm depending on Tylenol to do the job. So far it's not doing sweet bugger all. I wish I was back there in my chair. I often dream of getting a day off work and wile the day away at home on my computer; but I didn't factor in snot running out of my nose, down my arms and on to my keyboard. It's not pretty. Be careful what you wish for.
I tried to sleep in this morning, but Gord's damn cell phone kept ringing, the dog was outside barking at squirrels, and the straw that broke the camels back was when the door bell rang. Fuck, I was mad. Guess who it was? Yes, a Jehovah Witness, I shit you not!!! That conversation was very short. Who comes knocking on your door at 9:30 on a Monday morning spreading the Gospel? A Jehovah Witness, that's who. He left wearing the Watchtower.... after I blew my nose in it. Then I gave up, put on a pot of coffee and stared vacantly into the abyss. My fever was raging so much so the wash cloth I was holding to my forehead had steam coming out of it. I was muttering. I muttered so much I could not even understand what I was muttering. Gord told me to speak up...but I couldn't... because all I wanted to do was mutter. Finally he got fed up with me and told me to go back to bed and he was going to work. "Yeah," I muttered, that's easy for you to say because you don't have a head full of snot, your eyes aren't bulging out of their sockets, and you aren't sneezing so hard that it caused you to piss your pants .. just a little...Ohhh no buddy, not you!...yeah, go to work and leave me here to drown in a puddle of bodily fluids. He never understood a word I said, because I was still muttering. bldhfhdmff.
So, here I sit, I can't sleep because the birds are chirping too loud and the sun is shining too brightly. I want to go back to work. This day is wasted. Maybe a glass of wine might help? It would certainly dehydrate me a bit, so my nose would stop running...but it's only 2:00 PM and happy hour doesn't start until 5:30 sharp. Now, the fridge is running, lawd...will the noise ever end?
I think another Tylenol is in order. I can't remember what time it was when I took my last one, so I think it might not have been that long ago. Should I take another one and hope I don't OD? ... or should I have a tall glass of Neo Citran? Problem solved... I cracked open a coke. Now I feel all jittery from the caffeine and sugar. I'm mumbling at quite a rate now.
I'm looking around the kitchen at all that needs to be done. Dishes are piled in the sink, the floor is scattered with leaves the dog has brought in, the place mats on the table have gunk of them, my computer screen has fly shit on it, and coffee in the coffeemaker has long lost it lustre. Did I mention the leaves are blowing around outside, and it's so loud!! I think the combination of Tylenol, coke and coffee have increased my ability to hear. That, or my ears have grown. Why yes, they do look abnormally large. I'm also becoming aware that the coke, Tylenol and coffee cocktail have increased my ability to be a better writer. I could just keep on writing and writing. Hey how about a few pictures? Or maybe I should change my template. I'm feeling very alert. I think I'll crack open another can of coke.
This is the front of my desk in my office, where I very much want to be today. Notice everything is clean and orderly. I don't like work stuff cluttering up my desk and my computer station, so I don't do any. My job is to sit here and wait for the mailman every morning. I wonder if he missed me today? Who will open the mail? Who will distribute the mail? Or will there even be mail service if I'm not there? Probably not. What would be the point? This is a picture of my bro, me and my doll named Suzy.
She had a wooden head.
My feet are getting cold. Finally that stinking fridge quit running, maybe I can get some sleep. Nope. I'm still wide awake. Isn't there a law that says airplanes cannot fly over your house from 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM? They are so loud! I think I will Google that. Nope, no such law...but there should be one.
Remember when you were young and went drinking in the bush? Then when you would finish off a beer, you would say... "another dead soldier." That was pretty rude. But, I just said that to my coke can..heh. I'll have to check my Tylenol stash, I should have really counted them before I started to take them so I would know exactly how many I took. I'll wait another 15 minutes, because my buzz is fading. I can't find my purse. Nothing is going right today.
Did I tell youse guys a deer hit our house? Yesiree. Last Tuesday whilst I was in the shower I heard such a clatter, and I jumped out of the tub to see what was the matter. What did to my wondering eyes appear ... but a tiny reindeer trying to get in our living room window. I don't know how or why it ended up in our cul de sac, but apparently it thought the window was an opening to the rest of the road. We are in the centre, so I guess when the road ended the deer just forged ahead. Boy, did it ever make a loud noise. I'm just glad it didn't break the window and get hurt. The dog started barking and finally scared it away. Poor little thing. I'm glad it didn't happen today, because that would have been more noise than I could bear.
I think it's time I get a plan of action hatched to eliminate all the sounds in my head. BRB
I unplugged the fridge, shot up all the birds in the back yard, called in a bomb threat at the airport, and put in a formal complaint to the Jehovah Witness organization. The sun is still shining a little too brightly, but I closed the drapes. The dog is hiding. That's fine as long as she does it quietly...I have no problem with that.
Oh fortheloveofrugrats! Elementary school just let out. Buses are bussing, children are screaming and patrols are patrolling loudly! Nothing good can come from this. I can't close the window, because when I do I feel the vapours coming on....I need the fresh air. Bastards! I should have been a cone head, I don't think they had ears.
Time to to pack it in and try to get a little rest before nightfall. I sure as hell hope IT doesn't FALL to loudly, because that would put the icing on the cake.
I can't find my delete button, so I guess I'll have to post this. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sunday, October 07, 2007
I just thought of this, remember our old lawnmower "Jake the Snake"...who had a mind of his own and would just run off if I wasn't watching him....well Gord fixed him all up, and is trying to sell that evil bastard. Jake is bright red, just like the devil, and he is just sitting the garage waiting for his new home. We got him advertised in the "Buy and Sell" .... and I wouldn't want to be his new owner for all the tea in China. He be evil. I can hear rumblings in the garage late at night...and when Jake gets his mad on, push off! I swear to God he was trying to get out of the garage last night, I could hear something banging on the inside of the garage door. He's a bastard, thru and thru. I know what he wants, he wants someone to pull his cord now that he is in prime condition. Do I have sucker written on my forehead? uh uh...once he gets started, he will be gone...without even waving his "grass catcher" goodbye. I want him to suffer in his new home, for all the grief he caused me over the last 20 years. There was..the ... I'm sorry bitch, but if you shut me off in the middle of a job...I will not start again for precisely 1/2 hour and screw up your lawn mowing experience! I hated him. He hated me.
I'm going through the same experience with the "Stinking Lincoln" now. Same shit. They have both been parked in the same garage for quite awhile so I think they have started to plot against me. Maybe it was the Lincoln (Fat Kat) that was trying to get out of the garage last night??... because I kicked her ass on Saturday afternoon. That no good..piece of 1970's crap, stalled on me 5,689 times while I was trying to come home from SuperStore yesterday. I pulled out the gas bar...and I should have known...I should have...I really should have known, just like Jake the Snake, she doesn't like to be started and shut down too quickly....like Jake she needs her 1/2 hour nap. I sat there in the middle of a very busy parking lot, blocking an entire lane, with people giving me the evil eye. Like... you old fart...get into the the year 2007, stupeedo....who drives gas guzzlers like that anymore? I had my groceries in the back in PLASTIC BAGS, and women with small children threatened to kill me for not using "green friendly bags", Well, shit!!! Try riding in my moccasins...my husband won't give me my truck back until he gets his new one....I'm going to make him sorry too. Every time I ask...when will your new truck be here?, he says he doesn't know, well guess what...I will shut down for 1/2 hour like Jake and Fat Kat. Yeah...don't make me kick your ass! And maybe I will shut down for a year... so don't piss me off. It would be hard to start me after a year, because rust happens.
Okay, back to my title....leaf blower hell.....
When I first got my leaf blower, I managed to blow everything off my deck, including all my plants, because I wasn't sure how to use it. This year, I have only been using it to scare my dog. But, today I had some serious leaf blowing to do, because my deck looked like ...ummm shit, full of dead branches, leaves, bird poop ...etc.
So, I took out my handy dandy electric leaf blower and started to blow. I aimed it a Penny first because she loves to chase it. But I didn't want to get all that shit in her eyes and chased her off the deck. I went around in circles.. I have not learned any lessons from last year.... Start from the back, and blow to the front.... easy enough... And if there there are any leaves hanging around, don't try to get them again, because you will destroy the balance of nature. Those leaves will wind up behind you again....and again...and again... and you will get dizzy trying to get them all off the deck. And fall down. The trick is to lift up the leaf blower after you got everything where you want it to be, and not doing spastic shit like trying to blow birds off the trees. Lardy. I'm telling you it's a power trip. Dogs, birds and squirrels don't mess with you. I like that kind of respect. Rodney and I never got any. Now we might.
SIL wasn't able to come over for my birthday last weekend so she brought me a Apple Pie...it was so good....I'm up a pound. I have to be careful, I'm eating too much crap.
It was good addition to my pot roast last night
And the cupcakes I got for SIL because it was her birthday this weekend too.
It's crazy in October around here, my BDay, Sheila's BDay, Gord's BDay and our Anniversary later this month. Always an excuse to eat stuff you don't normally eat.
Back to the drawing board.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Do you think Special K had something to do with it? ....
Something is fucked up. I will try again.
Because I have such a good sign to put up....... I can hardly keep it to myself.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
There was a lot of metal "under the tables" when I was younger and when I stood up and hit my head under them, it left a dent in my front lobal area, and created "the smirk." Nowaday I usually use it for good. In yesteryear, I used it for "are you fucking nuts"..."how come you are such an asshole?" ... and "what toliet did you just crawl out of"?...you know the creative shit. I also smirked a lot playing cards. That my friends were some of my finest moments! ...other than getting my brother to eat rabbit turds.
You don't want to play cards with me. I get all cocky. Even if I don't know the game,(which I never do) Unless you want to count "31" or "blackjack".... I'm your girl. But I need a few freebie rounds to remember how to play it....
After the rare "under the table" concussion I suffered in 1972, balonie was born.... I was going to keep this for November when I have to post every stinking day of the month, but I couldn't. I just needed to get it out NOW. If she rears her ugly head in November, at least I will have it documented, and you will know where all the bodies are buried.
Some how all this seems a little fragmented... seee ... she is here and it's started all over again. Lawdy.. help me! No good can come from this.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
You have to blog everyday in November. I didn't win a prize last year, so I'm still got a few crabs up my ass about that. But, it is so much fun so see who joins in and we can see all the different blogs out there. Sometimes we just get in our inner circle..
But don't got farting around too much, come back here now and again...cause I loves you all.