Monday, October 15, 2007

See that empty chair

This is my office, and I'm at home with a fever and a cold. My ass should be in that ugly chair.

There is no chicken soup in the larder to cure me. I'm depending on Tylenol to do the job. So far it's not doing sweet bugger all. I wish I was back there in my chair. I often dream of getting a day off work and wile the day away at home on my computer; but I didn't factor in snot running out of my nose, down my arms and on to my keyboard. It's not pretty. Be careful what you wish for.

I tried to sleep in this morning, but Gord's damn cell phone kept ringing, the dog was outside barking at squirrels, and the straw that broke the camels back was when the door bell rang. Fuck, I was mad. Guess who it was? Yes, a Jehovah Witness, I shit you not!!! That conversation was very short. Who comes knocking on your door at 9:30 on a Monday morning spreading the Gospel? A Jehovah Witness, that's who. He left wearing the Watchtower.... after I blew my nose in it. Then I gave up, put on a pot of coffee and stared vacantly into the abyss. My fever was raging so much so the wash cloth I was holding to my forehead had steam coming out of it. I was muttering. I muttered so much I could not even understand what I was muttering. Gord told me to speak up...but I couldn't... because all I wanted to do was mutter. Finally he got fed up with me and told me to go back to bed and he was going to work. "Yeah," I muttered, that's easy for you to say because you don't have a head full of snot, your eyes aren't bulging out of their sockets, and you aren't sneezing so hard that it caused you to piss your pants .. just a little...Ohhh no buddy, not you!...yeah, go to work and leave me here to drown in a puddle of bodily fluids. He never understood a word I said, because I was still muttering. bldhfhdmff.

So, here I sit, I can't sleep because the birds are chirping too loud and the sun is shining too brightly. I want to go back to work. This day is wasted. Maybe a glass of wine might help? It would certainly dehydrate me a bit, so my nose would stop running...but it's only 2:00 PM and happy hour doesn't start until 5:30 sharp. Now, the fridge is running, lawd...will the noise ever end?

I think another Tylenol is in order. I can't remember what time it was when I took my last one, so I think it might not have been that long ago. Should I take another one and hope I don't OD? ... or should I have a tall glass of Neo Citran? Problem solved... I cracked open a coke. Now I feel all jittery from the caffeine and sugar. I'm mumbling at quite a rate now.

I'm looking around the kitchen at all that needs to be done. Dishes are piled in the sink, the floor is scattered with leaves the dog has brought in, the place mats on the table have gunk of them, my computer screen has fly shit on it, and coffee in the coffeemaker has long lost it lustre. Did I mention the leaves are blowing around outside, and it's so loud!! I think the combination of Tylenol, coke and coffee have increased my ability to hear. That, or my ears have grown. Why yes, they do look abnormally large. I'm also becoming aware that the coke, Tylenol and coffee cocktail have increased my ability to be a better writer. I could just keep on writing and writing. Hey how about a few pictures? Or maybe I should change my template. I'm feeling very alert. I think I'll crack open another can of coke.

This is the front of my desk in my office, where I very much want to be today. Notice everything is clean and orderly. I don't like work stuff cluttering up my desk and my computer station, so I don't do any. My job is to sit here and wait for the mailman every morning. I wonder if he missed me today? Who will open the mail? Who will distribute the mail? Or will there even be mail service if I'm not there? Probably not. What would be the point? This is a picture of my bro, me and my doll named Suzy.

She had a wooden head.

My feet are getting cold. Finally that stinking fridge quit running, maybe I can get some sleep. Nope. I'm still wide awake. Isn't there a law that says airplanes cannot fly over your house from 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM? They are so loud! I think I will Google that. Nope, no such law...but there should be one.

Remember when you were young and went drinking in the bush? Then when you would finish off a beer, you would say... "another dead soldier." That was pretty rude. But, I just said that to my coke can..heh. I'll have to check my Tylenol stash, I should have really counted them before I started to take them so I would know exactly how many I took. I'll wait another 15 minutes, because my buzz is fading. I can't find my purse. Nothing is going right today.

Did I tell youse guys a deer hit our house? Yesiree. Last Tuesday whilst I was in the shower I heard such a clatter, and I jumped out of the tub to see what was the matter. What did to my wondering eyes appear ... but a tiny reindeer trying to get in our living room window. I don't know how or why it ended up in our cul de sac, but apparently it thought the window was an opening to the rest of the road. We are in the centre, so I guess when the road ended the deer just forged ahead. Boy, did it ever make a loud noise. I'm just glad it didn't break the window and get hurt. The dog started barking and finally scared it away. Poor little thing. I'm glad it didn't happen today, because that would have been more noise than I could bear.

I think it's time I get a plan of action hatched to eliminate all the sounds in my head. BRB

I unplugged the fridge, shot up all the birds in the back yard, called in a bomb threat at the airport, and put in a formal complaint to the Jehovah Witness organization. The sun is still shining a little too brightly, but I closed the drapes. The dog is hiding. That's fine as long as she does it quietly...I have no problem with that.

Oh fortheloveofrugrats! Elementary school just let out. Buses are bussing, children are screaming and patrols are patrolling loudly! Nothing good can come from this. I can't close the window, because when I do I feel the vapours coming on....I need the fresh air. Bastards! I should have been a cone head, I don't think they had ears.

Time to to pack it in and try to get a little rest before nightfall. I sure as hell hope IT doesn't FALL to loudly, because that would put the icing on the cake.

I can't find my delete button, so I guess I'll have to post this. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz


JimBob said...

I was wondering if you'd joined the Flat Earth Society and fallen off. Hope ya get over your cold soon!

MommaCat said...

Sorry you're under the weather. Just surfing and came across your blog. Got a kick out of the part about why your desk is clean!

Linda said...

You are so funny, makes my day to read your blog!!! :-)

Bobbie said...

Hope you feel better soon so you can get back and fill that chair!

AndiePandie said...

Holy crap. I hope you feel better soon! A friend of mine just got over her cold she's had for three weeks. Ack! Feel better Balonie!

Joan said...

I'm fine. I just needs me some more coke. Jest kiddin.... I finally felt good enough to go to work this's only a cold...many out there with many worse ailments and when you look at the grand scheme of things, a cold is a lucky thing to have. I didn't have anything else to bitch about, so I chose my cold.