Friday, September 30, 2005

I'm turning LX

Well Garry's doing much better. (so far)

He is still very weak, but I am sure it will take awhile to get back on his feet. Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes.

I'm blogging at work today (I know..bad me), but I won't have time tonight because my boss and his wife are taking me & Gord out for supper tonight!! Whoohoo!! Because tomorrow I am turning LX. You figure it out. It hasn't been easy living this long. I have to admit it's been a hell of ride. I have chosen Tony Roma's as my restaurant of choice. I love ribs. I love Tony Roma ribs. Ribs, ribs, and more ribbets. Normally when we have ribs, I order in.. because, well, I am very messy and don't like to embarrass those around me. Tonight with the bossman there and all I will have to have show some decorum whilst I scarf them down.

Gord asked me this morning what I wanted for my birthday. I asked why he asking a full day ahead of time, ususally he asks me the day of my birthday. He totally caught me off guard because I thought I had till tomorrow to come up with something. I told him to come back in an hour and I would think about it. So, I thought and thought and came up with a new computer chair. I told him, and he looked at me like I had two heads. What's the matter with a new chair? He reminded me that he had got me one three years ago...oh yeah,now I remember..but it doesn't have a lever to make it go up and down I protest. I want one of those damit. You can never have too many computer chairs. What he didn't notice was I had the "Dell" flyer pasted to my forehead. A laptop is on the top of my wish list, but I know it's not in the budget, so he just ignored my futile attempt to once again try to get one. It must have looked kind of funny when he had to keep lifting the flyer off my face to talk to me. I don't think anyone should reach the ripe old age of LX and never had a laptop. It's unheard of. I am sure he is at Canadian Tire right now picking out a Turkey Smoker or something. He has an appliance fetish. I still haven't used my George Foreman Turkey Rotessiere he bought two Christmas's ago. All things turkey with that guy. He doesn't even like turkey...go figure. But, I am sure he only wants to make my Thanksgiving dinner(with 100 of his relatives) less stressful. He is always thinking about me.

I think I will treat myself tomorrow and actually BUY a bottle of wine. Real wine, like from the liquor store, not my homemade ripple. Yes, that will be a treat.

I guess I better get going and close the office down. So, if I get a laptop (just supposing) I will sit down Saturday night, open up a real bottle of wine and blog-drunk. I will be that happy! If I get the Turkey might never see me again...unless you want to bail me out of jail. The party's on!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Bebby Bro

Well that sucker is in the hospital again, GOD.DAM.IT!!

I am so mad, He was short of breath again yesterday and was going to hop in the car with his wife and go to emergency...but when he got shorter of breath...Joan (his wife) called 911 again (this is the third time)...when the paramedics got there, Garry was waiting for them on the front steps...he told them he didn't want them to have to walk all the way inside, because all the neighbor's already know when the ambulance comes down the street, they are coming for him!! All his friends were there, cheering him on...yelling..give him some oxygen... It was mayhem... The Ambulance driver knew him on a first name basis already, and as soon as he had the oxygen, he was fine...and then he does his schtick with them ..always the joker..(hmmm do you think it runs in the family). So, they bring him back in the Health Science Centre. He is stabilized...again, but this time they didn't just drain his lungs, and send him home, they ACTUALLY TOOK SOME TESTS..believe it or not. I shouldn't be so hard on the system, because sometimes he is his own worst enemy in relaying information to the doctors.

So, I got this news at lunch today, when he had already been there since last night. I freaked. My niece called me and gave me the news. She said she would get back to me later today. I waited. I waited some more. I finally called their house tonight and I got my SIL ...and she said he had emergency surgery this afternoon, that she didn't even know about, until she visited later this afternoon. Now, he had a blockage in his heart...WTF. They told us he didn't have any blockages after the heart attack, and it was only diabetes related. Damn...I don't know who and what to believe anymore. I know he has been so tired and depressed since this whole thing started.

He should be shining in the dark by now, with all the xrays and shit he has had since this all started, and today they found a blockage..well fuckme. I say that in a gentle way...because I don't want to come across as being crude. I'm not. But I don't know how else to express myself.

The operation was about two hours, and he could watch it from a screen in front of him. He loved it. He said it was like a little pac man biting out bad stuff from his arteries..bit by bit. They inserted a catheter from his leg that went to his heart and chewed up crap..welllordyluvpacman...

I can only hope that this will solve some of his on going problems. Did I mention he suddenly developed Siatica in the meantime..he can hardly walk. fudge. And he is only 57 years old.

Till tomorrow then...who knows what lies ahead, but I can't wait to plant a big ole balonie kiss on his once chubby cheeks.


Monday, September 26, 2005

Up and Up and Away

My poor little Penny, was so scart..yes scart..not scared..scart is worse. This is the season for the hot air balloons to come over our house. Usually she is in "medium alert for them", but today took her by surprise...not just one..but three, poor little critter almost pissed her drawers. She was in the back "forty" head in the air trying to bring them she could take a bite outta them...

That was not ..a good thing.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

And the geese came back! and I'm an auntie balonie again!

This is the new babykins in the family. In the pic is my SIL Sheila the Grandma (one of the members of Sat. nite AA best friend:)..She is the one that had cancer and is doing very well.
And it's a baby girl..Tarlyn Jade. I don't know where these mothers get the names from...don't get me going on that. Doesn't anyone name there kid Joan anymore..lord!! Taryln..tear what?? Tara I could understand, I luv that name, think of Gone with the Wind...but why do they have to end every kids name with lyn. Fudge...if I was born in this day and age, my name would be sexy is that?

See below for details...I couldn't get the pic to match the details.....but I know why now....blogger is a bitch..but she's my bitch.

Back to the geese...Yes they did come back ah huh!! Not as many as before, but I guess they will keep on coming. I heard them this morning..when I was sleeping...damn them! But by the time I got up and such and got to the lake, most of them were gone, except for the shit. Good luck to the kids that play soccer on that field tomorrow..ewwww. I'm pretty well over the goose thing, actually I can hear another batch coming over the house now. Do they have headlights? How can they see in the dark?

I was just out sitting on the deck, it was so peaceful. I had my pump going in my little pond and was just sitting there thinking good thoughts.....until I encountered strange odours. One nieghbour was probably making a steak, which smelled good, I could smell burned stubble coming off the fields about a mile down, best of all I could smell my roasted chicken gettin roasted in the oven. Wonderful smells, until you add "Bounce" into the mix. It seems both neighbours on each side of me, were drying there laundry. I know this is a Sunday nite ritual for those of us who have to work, but lordyluvasnarkysmell...steak, chicken, stubble, and bounce? It overpowered my senses, I had to leave.

Holy shit, another gaggle are coming over the house, it is LOUD. I always timed their arrival with my mom's passing which was on Sept 19th.1999 and her birthday..which would have been today. So, it's pretty well right on. I don't know why I was expecting anything different. I did my annual visit to Mom and Dad's gravesite last week, and found much to my surprise, a huge fence separating the grounds. On the other side is a huge housing development!! I saw something happening there when I went in spring, but I didn't know what the extent of it was going to be. Now there is huge monsterous houses 20 feet from their plot!! I shit you not. They could shake hands. When I walked up to their plot, I looked around checked out the houses on the OTHER side, and it didn't seem like anyone was living in them just yet. It is obvious the developer has squeezed as many house in one development as possible, as the back yards are barely 12 feet to the fence from the house. Who would wany to live in a place backing on to a grave yard? WHO?

I was pretty uncomfortable whilst I was sitting there, having a talk with my folks...was anybody listening to me and watching me while I shed a tear or two? I was always checking my back. I told Gord later, that maybe we should buy that house that is directly in line with my folks gravesite...and we could have coffee with them in the morning. He didn't think it was a great idea...because he didn't want to have coffee with the rest of them!!...poor sport.

I am a great Auntie again!!.. (see above) My nephew Damon and his wife Jen just had another baby girl...that makes three girls. This is getting boring. We need a wee baby that has a schlong...yaknow what I mean...boyish.. New babe is cute and all, but doesn't have a schlong. Both my nephews have not produced a boy yet...just whining pink barbie doll girls!! Hey, they need a MAN cousin damit, named KEN. He would kick ass.

Which brings me to Thanksgiving again,,,, they will all be here...all those little critters...7 of them...along with their parents of course..GOD I HOPE SO...where can I store them?....maybe the crawl space..I dunno..or maybe I can put them in a Thanksgiving Day Care they have stuff like that?? Probably:) My dog will go balistic... It should be interesting...and that is only a few weeks away!!! (Canadian Thanksgiving) for my American friends

I have three sets of stairs in our wonderful house, and the kids love going up an down them... up and down, and up an down again with much speed..that never happened in the days when my neices were young...I had a cat...who managed the situation. FLOWER...was her name...and you didn't want to piss her off. Nope. She stalked every kid on every stairwell...and smacked them on the way up and on the way down. I loved that cat. I didn't have to disiplne anyone...FLOWER did it for me. I have to get another tabby like that with an attitude. She demanded respect..and got it. You know, it was really funny, all the kids wanted to be able to tame her a was a challenge, they couldn't figure out why she didn't like them, and tried over..and make her their friend...and Flower, made it clear... over and over...that she did not want them for friends, she wanted them out of our house...and gone..gone.

Time for me to hit the hay, I have been writing this in shifts today...supper was wonderfull...we had roasted chicken, broccoli/carrot/cauliflower, stuffing, gravey, and potatoes. And I just finished it all of with a Drumstick...the icecream kind. I like theme meals. Yeah rite. Like I'm pickey.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Evil Evil Lawnmowers

I came home from work, made a pot of "good" soup for supper, to be served later with fresh crusty rolls, then went downstairs and started a batch of wine for the holidays. Played ball with the dog. And all the while I was evading the unavoidable, "mowing the stinking lawn." It's Thursday lawn mowing nite, and I knew that sucker wouldn't start. Last Thursday when I tried to start the lawnmower from hell,(with no luck) and it actually spoke to me, and said balonie, I am tired, and need to go to lawnmower heaven. I patted his greasy little face, and said "go my child." ...because I can't stand this shit anymore....Go..Go..git!! Skidaddle...whatever. Gord comes home 5 minutes later as I was mowing the lawn with my handy dandy little electric lawnmower. He asks why I'm not using the "Devil lawnmower". I explain, I pulled the cord twice, and it tried to suck me in with it..into a place called mower "hell." Have ever pulled the lawnmower cord, and it stops short and yanks you down to it's greasy face. Then you know the devil is at work, and it's time to shut her down. Gord is now on the offensive..."what did you do to it?" ...well fuckme..WHAT DID I DO TO IT?..."I tried having sex with it, but it wasn't in the mood"! fortheloveofmike. He suggested I may have flooded it...well I would have flooded it if I had the water hose near by, by damn. So, he takes it the shop next day, and starts working on it, gets it working, shows it off to me, and says that all it takes is this and that he had adjusted to make her go. He even made me pull the cord, and mow part of the lawn. And by golly, I thought he had removed the exorcism..but alas, they came back this Thursday. They must have just been waiting for him to try to start it.

Gord came home tonight, with confidence showing in his face, smiling and all. He got out the leaf blower, (he does that first) and took all the leaves off the deck and patio ... and damn near gassed us out of the house, but that is all part of our summer game. First he makes the dog bark at the leaf blower, and then follows her around for a few minutes and gets her crazy. Then, I have to break them up, and he goes about his make us sick of the gas smell coming off the blower. I close all the windows and patio doors, while he does his manly thing.

Then it is time to get out evil lawnmower, I hear him pull the cord..once..and it's a running. Life is good. I get the dog up in the house, and sit down at the computer...and I hear him mowing away in the front yard...and then..nothing..nadda. I peek over my office window to the front yard, and see him take the evil one to the garage. I'm thinking, do I really want to go out there and ask what happened..or just stay here blogging about nuttin. I take my chances, he tells me the evil guy is flooded to hell. Whatever he did last time did not work.. I felt sorry for him, he has tried so hard to keep it going. But, I am a female, I don't have that need for gas powered stuff. I am perfectly happy with my electric lawnmower, and would very happy with an electric leaf blower too. Must be a guy thing, it has to have a friggin motor!! So, I heard him pathetically trying to start the evil one, time after time. He finally gave up. As mechanically inclined as he is, he admitted's over. I'ts not to soon for me.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Mother Goose

This is starting out to be a blog of no consequence …nadda…but as my fingers keep going something will spring into my brain.  

Not yet…hold on

Maybe now…nope

Okay now…well I have milked the geese stuff  long enough…they are still in Alaska  Dammit..or wherever they live.  If I wasn’t such a lazy asshole I would try to track their  flight path.  Let them come, when they may.  I am done waiting.  

Joan:  Hey geese…what’s shakin’?...coming my way anytime soon?

Mother Goose:  What’s your hurry “grasshopper”…we have miles to travel and sights  to see.

Joan:  Hey there muther…been waiting for you and the youngin’s to fly over my house,  what’s the happ’s….?

Mother Goose:  If my radar is correct they should be over your house in about 5 minutes..

Joan:  Muther….don’t shit me….

Mother Goose:  “What part of that didn’t you understand”?  I said we would be there in 5 momento’s…do you speaka a engais?? …pig latin?…what is it that you speak?

Joan:  Whoooooa.. Muther Goose don’t go off on me, I was asking a simple question, fortheloveof a goose…jeezzz..

Mother Goose:  We have our flight plan in order…Godfrey the Goose is coordinating the geese and if you have any problems with that..please email him at and he will address you concerns.  And should he not answer your email…you will know that he is now a part of your down quilt  you are sleeping under….sometimes you win…and sometimes you lose.    Life sometimes jests kicks a goose’s  butt feathers.

Joan:  OMG..WTF…Muther Goose….I need’s those geese to fly over my house, and shit on my head…it’s a fall tradition…please use your GPS devices to lead them to a safe place over my house…I’m in Winnipeg..I promise I won’t hurt them or try to pull out their “down” for my quilt… I’m totally into man made crap for my comforter and my pillows…   tell em…balonie told you so…..paleese!!...  Just so they know I won’t hurt the little critters… “K”?

Mother Goose:  Joan, lighten up, we have done this for 100 years…we really don’t need your whining.. We will get to you…when we get to you….so just cut it out!!

Joan:  Okay Mother Goose…over and out.

Geez Louise...don't get your knickers tied in a knot....I just asked a simple question. ...nevermind then.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

The weekends almost over

The weekends almost over.  Thank you Lord, now I can go back to work and relax.  I have been busy, busy, busy cleaning, laundry, cooking, walking the mutt,  blah blah blah  It never frikin ends…nevar.  Got the old meatloaf in the oven,  have the veggies and potatoes cooking, plus a surprise desert…Apple Crisp with some French (yes French Vanilla Ice-cream).  

It was a typical wonderful fall day here today.  But, I wonder where the geese are..I am still waiting.  I found a very small gaggle of them on the lake today, where are their buddies?  If you “Mericans see my geese, ask em why they by-passed by house…I think maybe I am little to impatient for fall, only because I love this time of the year best.  I will include a pic of the few geese I encountered today, no thanks to Penny, who, when was asked to “stay” was breathing so heavily that my camera which was in the same hand as her leash was just vibrating!  

Just after that occurred,  a couple snuck up behind us on the path, unbeknownst to me..I guess my doggie radar was off because I always keep one eye in the back of my head for another DOG…as Penny has a problem with anyone of her own species.  There they were 10 feet behind us. I was holding the dog, my camera and a bag of dog shit.  I didn’t know what to let go of first, because I knew she was going to get hyper, and when she does that, all I do it pick her up, turn her around and tell her she is a good dog, and all is well…cough…sometimes.  Well of course I let the bag of shit go first, kept the camera on my wrist band, swaying all over the place hitting the dog in the face.  No wonder she is hyper….who do you think she gets it from?  

We had a great AA hour last night!  Every one was in fine form.  We laughed our pants off!!  Sometimes they are good, and sometimes not so much.  

I will be having guests here next month for Thanksgiving.  My nephew, wife and kids are coming out from Vancouver.  So, it will be Turkey at balonies house.  I am expecting  about 18 relatives….kill me now.  What have I done.  Why do I always raise my hand, when asked…who wants to do supper?  You know why, because I am an idiot!  Plain and simple.  It’s a good thing I cleaned up my house last month, now all those little “rug rats” will have ample space to scamper around.  

Just a thought, I was making my Apple Crisp earlier on, when I took out a measuring cup to measure my brown sugar.  I noticed all the measuring markers were almost invisible…WTF…you see the lesson in this story is…do not buy plastic measuring cups from the “dollar store”…..after one stint in the dishwasher…it’s all erased…dirt bags!!

Well, that’s it for Sunday night…

PS..does anyone know how to get my "talk to me" sidebar back? I don't know what happened to it...somebody hacked it ..yes that's it..buggers.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Family Matters

Yesterday, I emailed my niece Cheri and her sister Lisa, inquiring about my bro and stuff, because sometimes I get more information from the kids than I do from HIM.  Mr. Denial.  Cheri wrote back to me today…and it was so funny..she is definitely my blood relative!!

This is the email I sent her.

Called Garry yesterday only to find he was in the hospital again.  NO ONE TOLD AUNTIE JOAN! ..what am I, chopped liver? 
He sounded fine, but that is what he does.  I sure hope they make sure that doesn't happen again.  Dang it, my bebby bro...having to go through all this.  It's just not fair.  I would take his place in a nano second.  It should happen to the oldest in the family ME, not to a youngin like him.  I am sure he will be okay, everything just has to be worked out.  But I am a worrywort, as my mom used to call me.
I am starting to think about my own mortality...lordy...I still feel like I'm ten years old, and I act it too.  I guess you never know when something could go wrong at our age...I'm hitting the big 6-0 in October. 
Which brings me to one request...of the two of you...if something should ever happen to me, could you notify my blog?  I know this sounds stupid, but its my journal, and you are the only two I have shared it with. I have made some super friends there that I don't have in real life.  They would be wondering where I stayed and all.  My ID is xxxxx password is xxxx.  Go into google and into blogs.
And, if I am ever on my death bed, please have somebody shave my upper lip... I don't want to go out looking like a man..LOL......
I should have had children, but now I am putting the onus on darling nieces sucking up working?
Luv xxxxxauntie joanie

This is the email I got back today

Hiya Auntie Joan,I've never had notifying a blog as a final request...but whateverfloats yer  No one called you because no one wanted to worry you.  If it makes you feel any better no one called us either...I only found out the following night.  We never even went to the hospital to visit him because he was basically only there overnight.  Lisa tried calling you on Tuesday night but just got your machine...and who wants to leave a message, "Yeah, the old fart took another joyride in an ambulance.."  But for what it's worth, sorry about that.  :-(  He's just getting more and more tired out and depressed lately, not interested in anything...has no hobbies.  Pretty bored, really.  He's stopped drinking (so much, anyways, due to my mom's stomping on his beer), he's not smoking as much (tho he shouldn't be at all).  And so he's a big fat grouch.  (Not literally,of course)

If you're on your deathbed, don't worry about your moustache.  What do you want us to do about the rest of your face?Oooh ouch...hee hee.  You know how people have angels and devils on their shoulders when they have to make a choice?  My devil IS my father...:-)   I mean that in the nicest, homer simpson kinda way of course.  Blame him for THAT joke.  It's his genes.Love,Cheri

Now, you see why I love them…they are just like me…”.WHAT DO WANT US TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR FACE”…lordy….I almost spit out my wine.  

That’s almost better then the joke..when a horse comes in the bar..sits down and orders and drink….and the bartender says…why the long face??  We love that  joke in our family…it makes us laugh and laugh and laugh.  And now Cheri made another face joke…ohhhh my!!

I have to tell it to my bro next week he will love it.  Maybe it will pull him out of his slump.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Tuesday and Wednesday ...coming down

My boss was out all afternoon, which leaves me with not much to do but answer the phone.  I got all my work done in the morning, and if he leaves and doesn’t have more stuff for me to do…it’s over.   I noticed the little young chickie that was here whilst I was gone on my holidays really cleaned up the place.  My boss got her to wipe it all down.  Thank you Lord.  We don’t have cleaning staff, so sometimes with all the guys (11) of them coming in from the shop to the office on a daily basis, usually in the morning before I get there; it gets pretty grungy.  However, there is no excuse for my desk.  It’s neat.  But dusty.  After awhile you don’t notice the dust until it gone……..and when I came back, everything was all “Pledge like”…my phone was slippery, I could actually read the numbers on it…Wow…My computer keyboard was shining…she got out all the crumbs out and everything.  She cleaned up the guys meeting room, it was a sight to behold.  I want her back!!  She was student who was going back to school this fall, so I don’t think I will see her again, but man…I miss her already.  

I went to McDonalds at lunch today to pick up a burger to take home.  I only live 5 minutes away from work, so I usually eat at home, but today I didn’t have any left-overs, so I thought I would treat myself..ahem.. Yes..I know..McDonald’s! . I never usually do this…Why am I explaining…anyway…nevermind, I will get to my story.  I was just leaving with burger in hand, and starting to go through the side door.  There were two adults and a little girl about 4 years old just coming in.  So, I waited for them. The little girl was in front of them, and the mother starts to pull the door open, and bumps the little critter right in the face..ohhh my…she got the bottom part of the door opener right on her nose!!  Mother, then pushes her aside to get the door open.  Meanwhile little girl, has her mouth wide open….you know the look, when they are so hurt and can’t get the crying out!!..The Mom has not yet realized she has hurt the youngin..and starts coming in towards me…and suddenly the kid finally gets her breath and start screaming… the mom and what appeared to be the gramma….took note…and gave her a once over, and  said “ it’s okay…no’s all good”!!  Then they whisked her off to the restroom.  She was quite, but she was taking that next breath like kids do before the ….AWWWWWWWWWWW…  There really was no blood, I think it was just the shock of getting a door in your face when you are only 3 feet tall and not expecting it.

I was  on one of my fav sites the other day, and came across something that made me laugh and wanted to eat at the same time.  It was a recipe for “Pig Candy”….I think everyone should indulge in this gourmet delight.  

Seriously….pig candayyyy…and you too, can make this in your own home.. Vegan’s get out my site now…or ya gonna puke.

  1. Take 1 pig…okay make that 1 lb. of bacon

  2. Lay it out strip by strip in a cookie sheet or I might suggest a pan that has sides

  3. Take some brown sugar and cover  the slabs of bacon to your liking.

  4. Bake at about 350 to get crispy, drain and let cool.

  5. Walaaaaaa Pig Candy…..

We had a lot of animal stories in the news today in Winnipeg.  The first one was there was a half grown MOOSE, right in the city limits.  It was about a mile from here, in a shopping centre.  Animal services were there and did the dart gun thing on the poor little guy.  I heard on the news tonight that he was safely brought back out into the wild.  Then there was a bear sighting on the other side of town in a residential district.  And last but not least and little pig was running around in a ditch near the city limits, apparently it was thrown from a truck hauling piggies to market..poor little piggy.   They managed to corral it and  animal services would take care of it………….ohhh yeah…they are probably having “pig candy” we speak.   Now I don’t think I want to make that recipe anymore.

I called my bro tonight to see how he was doing. I try to phone him a least once a week, but he isn't a phoney kind of guy and only lets me get away with about 3 minutes of conversation. You have to know, he is the funniest guy in the world, and I love talking to him, but not on the phone. We have to be together face to face, to have our funny conversations, to insult each other, to talk our native language which no else understands (actually we poke fun at those around us) LOL...and they don't have a clue!!! We have such fun. We are kindred spirits.

But, he told me a scarey story today. He had another heart problem on Sunday night, and couldn't breath properly. He was ambulanced to the hospital, and they found he had water around his heart. Appparently, it was caused by the pace maker they put on him when he had his heart attack, and water drifted in the opening after they took it out. Fuck...I am so scared for him. His heart attack was attributed to hypertension from diabetes...He is always so upbeat with me, but I know he must be going through a lot of turmoil. He is only 57 years old, why does this shit have to happen to him!

We always had a dream in the old days at home. I was going to be a hairdresser and he was going to by a disc jockey. I was good at doing peoples hair in town (for free) no training... and he was good at doing announcing stuff at socials etc. He has the voice of a radio guy, and should have persued his dream. I prodded him to go to broadcasting school after Mom and Dad and he moved to the city. He did, but they needed a grade 12 education, which he didn't have. Later on in life he did go on to get it thru GED, but he took up a different job. So, both of us have never fulfilled our original dreams, but I can still cut a head of hair, and he still sounds like a disc Jockey when he answers the phone. So, not all is lost. I worry so much about him. He is my only family left.

Monday, September 12, 2005


Apparently on Saturday I deleted my Friday post, it probably should have stayed in the garbage. I was messing around with a new post on Saturday and deleted my Friday's post instead. After reading it again, I am wondering if I was drinking fortified plum juice that night. I don't know. For anyone that has already made your way through it..."nevermind"...but I am keeping it for posterity, because every time I read it, I will know, drinking and blogging don't mix. If you look for the definition of asshole in the dictionary...I am sure you will see balonie written all over it.

Jam… Who doesn’t like homemade jam? I have had a plan to make Plum Jam with all the plums I have falling off my trees.  I have my mother’s recipes, but alas, it takes ummm work.  On Wednesday I heard on the radio that “Plum Jam” was coming to Winnipeg.  Yes, the rock group.  Well, the balonie brain starts a thinkin.  I got me 4 big pails of plums that need a home, maybe if I went to the concert I could give them to their namesake.  

I spent 80.00 bucks on tickets, loaded them up in the big horking van and was concert bound last night.  I wasn’t quite sure what kind of music they played, but I was pretty confident they were a “gay” band, with the fruit name and all. When I got downtown to the MTS Centre, looking for a parking spot, I noticed the Marquee flashing up a sign saying “Pearl Jam”…playing here tonight.  Hmm..Pearl?   Typical stupid Winnipegers can’t even get the name of the band straight.  I had to park about 15 miles away from the centre, as my big horking van would not fit in  underground parking; thus making the trek there a little laborious whilst carrying 4 pails of plums.  

I managed, with two pails in each hand.  Got to the ticket counter and was asked by security about the plum pails I was totting.  I said, I’m here to give “Plum Jam” a treat.  Before I could say “Jack Sprat”, I was in handcuffs.  Well, lordyluvarockstar…I was doing these guys a favour, and I’m being punished!  They frisked me, made me stand with my hands against the wall, and were going through all my pockets.  Unfortunately for them, I had some plums tucked away in my pocket, for my rocking night out snack …which I had plumb forgot about ..and  that’s when the cops got some squishy plum nectar on them.  The buggers called the bomb squad….oh my…  They questioned my bic lighter in my pocket along with the plums, and I explained to them…everyone who goes to a rock concert has one, because if you like the band…you light your lighter and sway to the music.  They were having none of that.  Gol Dam It…now I was getting mad.  The pails of plums were getting warm and all the fruit flies were coming out and flying all around my face while I was waiting for the bomb squad.  Finally they show up,  they make me lie down flat on the floor and frisk me again!!  Hey, balonie don’t mind a little friskin…but these guys don’t’ know the meaning for foreplay…nope, they don’t.  After about an hour of interrogation and plum jokes, I was let go.  I asked if I could go in and see the rest of the show, and they said I could, but I couldn’t bring in the plums, as they were holding them until they could be tested .  I was plumb out of luck.

I walked back into the MTS Centre, and heard such a racket….who were these people?  ..screaming and a yelling?  Apparently, it was Plum Jam.  I walked up to the front, just to get a better view of my heroes, and was suddenly  picked up by 20-30 people and they had me sliding around in their arms  and over the audience…chanting Plum, Plum.Plum….How did they know I was the plum lady?  They carried me around for 10 minutes, until I asked to be put down.  I wanted to meet my heroes.  But, alas the concert was over, they walked off the stage, the lights went up and it was all over.  

I walked out dejectedly, holding on to nothing, as my plum pails were confiscated …and walked to my big horking van.  I got my keys out, and was just about to open the door, when someone tapped me on the shoulder.  It was Eddie Vedder, he saw me in the crowd and wanted me to know that the police had informed him of the plums I wanted to give and was so grateful.  I thanked him, and asked him why he named his group “Peal Jam” instead of “Plum Jam” ..and you know what he said….get this…”It was just the Grunge talking when we started.”  Now that I have met you “balonie”, I think we will start doing more good old rock and roll, and forget all that yelling we do on stage that you can’t hear, and rename the group “Plum Jam”……….well glory be!!!

I looked at him in shock, then I says to him, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, …for you I will make a 100 jars of jam next year..AND… if the police give me back my plums, maybe a  I can  rock up a jar or two for ya ta go.. I’m cool.

Eddie gave me a peck on the cheek to say goodbye  (which one I’m not telling)…

So it goes in the grunge world.

Who woulda thought I would be a groupie at my age…….but I am…

Well, I’m all plumb tuckered out….of punning…

Sunday, September 11, 2005

A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood

Today was one of the most gorgeous days of the year.  A hint of fall, and warm temperatures.  Perfect for diddling around the back yard, doing a little of this and a little of that.  The squirrels are just nuts...they feel the need to store stuff already.  I have the big fat grey squirrels and the red one's in my backyard.  They were in a constant battle with each other, along with the blue jays…and the DOG.  It was a cockfight.  I added a plate  of peanuts to the mix, and lordy be…I thought I had started a war.  

It was great in the shade, but the sun was way to intense to do any doggie walking on the pavement today, so I have one dejected lookin little critter sitting beside me.  I don’t know about where anyone else lives, but when the autumn sun shines…it is intense and bright, you can’t see a foot ahead of yourself.  I would love to live in Vancouver, where they have misty days…I can’t stand that glaring ole sun.  It makes me crabby, yes, balonie gets crabby…especially when I got the sun in my eyes.  I have a pair of clip on sunglasses I got from the optometrist, but the sun sneaks in over the top of them when I’m walking, and they are good for shit.  

The weekend was uneventful, we had AA hour last night, .but the guys …hubby and his bro Ron.. went on a motorcycle ride and had problems with Ron’s bike and didn’t get back here until 8:00PM.  Gord’s bro built a bike…all bys himself, the guy is a genius….and yes, he had a glitch last night with a bolt that came flying out from somewhere….at the cost of $800.00 to repair…but the guys a millionaire, so I’m not crying a lot of tears. I can’t believe how cleaver he is….he builds computers, bikes, sound systems …you name it.  That is his talent, plus he is a renowned architect in Winnipeg.  He is sooo smart, but doesn’t really have people skills.. a total capitalist, no children, big house on the river…no real friends.  But he likes it that way, so why should I care.  He loves animals, so that is his one redeeming quality, plus he luves his bebby bro Gordon.

Did I mention, he was my first evar boyfriend, yes, he was.  We went out for about a year when I was fifteen years old, and then he dumped me.  Prick.  After that humiliating episode I hooked up with Larry a guy from Neche North Dakota.  Our towns were very close together.  Altona  was only 7 miles from the American Border.  So I had a lot of friends ..on the other side.  We went out for about a year…and he dumped me…fertheloveofatwobyfour…was it my breath???  …nahhh, I know what it was….he wanted IT….and I wasn’t supplying..IT…I wasn’t even sure at that age…what IT, was!!  I had an idea, but didn’t have any information from my piers….none..nadda..and only tidbits supplied from my friends.   I used to read True Story, a  magazine that was out at the time that depicted teenagers etc. in compromising situations, and tried to figure out what happened after they kissed and groped …but, the story always ended in the girl getting pregnant………..BUT HOW..FOR THE LOVE OF GOD..TELL ME.  

Then I met Gord, Ron’s brother after Larry dumped me.  He was a sly devil, he was, he knew the correct amount of Lemon Gin to give me, before I took me panties off!!...and be damned if I didn’t figure it all out after that.  They don’t call it panty remover for nothing.  Hey, it tasted like lemonade…but better. He didn’t hijack me, or anything, I was a willing participant …and got lucky!!...and I haven’t been dumped since!...Mind you there was ups and downs…oy vey…a lot of those…but we made it through.  

I can’t even remember my point of writing the blog…stuff just started running through my fingers….

Okay then, a few pics of today in the back yard…..don’t turn off your computer just yet…I know I even bore myself with this stuff……bear with me…(bear and bore in one sentence.. too cool).   My grammar need work.

I'm on my pretend cell phone

Freshly made Freezer Plum Jam

Mo Jam

Some flowers I haven't killed yet

Monday, September 05, 2005

Some more Balonie

Yesterday Penny took me for a walk. I thought I would share this wonderful experience with the internet. I took my camera with me for a change; I always seem to forget it. I was hoping the geese would be on the lakes, but they seem to be a little tardy this year.

The Park

The Lake

Other side of the lake

Penny's personal bathroom

There's that bitch from next door!

Last night was very very scary. I woke up about 2:00AM and heard the thunder rumbling way out in the west. I thought I should get up and close the patio umbrella. That thought lasted for about a second long, and I fell back to sleep. About ten minutes later I woke up with a start after hearing something banging in the kitchen. I realized it was those frickin tiles still falling off the wall. Lord. I fell right back to sleep. About half an hour later, Gord is jumping out of bed yelling, did you close the umbrella, it storming out there? “No, I yelled…I fell asleep and forgot.” We both raced to the kitchen patio doors and it started to hail like a SOB, the thunder was so loud we practically jumped out of our skins. The winds had picked up and the trees in the back were flattening. When we got to the door, the umbrella was gone. There is a huge tree that overhangs on to the patio, and I cannot believe that the umbrella somehow got airborne, flew through the trees and landed on the lawn below. We could see it laying there, all in one piece.

How did it manage to fly through those trees?

The lightning never stopped; there was a constant light show for about 5 minutes, then an almighty CRACK…when it struck something not far from the house. It was wild!! We heard the fire trucks about 5 minutes later, but I didn’t appear to be that close to us. All my begonias got ripped off their plants stands and were scattered all over the deck. Miraculously, I was able to save 4 of them. We spent the entire morning picking up downed tree branches and leaves. The umbrella remained unscathed; it simply landed on the ground intact and stayed there. We still can’t figure how it got through the trees!!

Poor flowers

I was thinking about this today, and wondering that perhaps my dad is mad at me. (Remember what my mom did?) Think about it, all the tiles falling off the wall, a violent storm hmmm. You see while I was cleaning out the living room on Friday, I removed his chair. I have had it since he died. The chair is old, but comfy and it always reminded me of him. Unfortunately, when Penny was in her “teething” stage some years back, she ate a large hole in one of the arms. Every since then I have had it covered up with one thing or another. Well, on Friday I decided it was time for it to go to “Good Will.” I had valiantly held on to it for long enough. My living room was looking all spiffy so I put it out beside the garage.

No room for Mr. chair

I couldn’t get it inside because SOMEBODY around here has it cluttered up with motorcycles, a vintage car and a utility trailer, along with a lot of other junk. Maybe, he didn’t like it sitting out there all alone? Now it’s all wet. I will try to shuffle some of the junk around and set in a corner along side Gord’s dads chair. Somehow we both acquired our dad’s chairs after they died. Weird. Maybe they can talk over the old days if they are in there together. I don’t need anymore haunting, nor old chairs.

Poor lonely chair
This is a day long blog...reporting to you I go along, feel free to click the X...before you fall asleep.

Just got back in from picking plums in the back yard...two huge ice-cream pails full. Anyone want some plums? This tree was just a volunteer I let grow after we pulled out our old tree three years ago. I have never seen so many plums!! The old tree never produced, my mom and I used to joke when she and dad had the garden here, that whoever saw the one or two plums that used to grow would win "two bits". We always bet "two bits" on everything, from the person who caught the first fish, when we went fishing and to sports.. baseball, name it. When we were out fishing we would have to pay the "two bits" up front, but later in years when we phoned each other and bet "two bits" on a game..sometimes we forgot to pay up when we saw each other. That didn't really matter, it was just the fun of the challenge. Later we would argue who owed who what. My dad and I lied our faces off and ususally my brother got stuck with paying up!

It's getting damn dark out there again, the humidity is high. Something is abrewing, and I can hear thunder way out to the west again. Looks like another thunder banger. I took the umbrella down!! Brought what is left over from my flowers closer to the door, so they won't be blown to kingdom come. I sure hope Gord gets his little ass home soon, I don't like the looks of it. It is too quiet. Last night when the storm became violent, I had made a fast plan to get to the basement just in case it was tornado. I put his wallet and cell phone in my handbag, kept my eye on the if we had to go down we would have something left. I guess I have been watching CNN too much, but a plan is better than none. the humidity is getting stifling. I will sign off and get back later. Gord just got home...okay then.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

The holiday is over

And so it ends, two weeks of no alarm clock to shock my system awake.  Tomorrow is still a holiday, but not belongs to some guy named labour.  If that’s the case I should have two more weeks of holidays, because all I did was labour, but in a good way.  My home is once again presentable after two years of neglect.  Sorry house, but you see I had me a problem in the tummy and became unbendy.  In those two years I only had a cleaning lady in once, because I couldn’t stand it anymore, after that I devised ways of cleaning that would put “Molly Maid” to shame.  Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way a “clean freak,” I just need a sense of order and the dust bunnies hidden.  The junk is  gone, and hopefully I will stop acquiring it.  BTW does anyone need a huge mural of dog’s playing poker, I still have one in the rec room that I forgot to give away.  

I  have an incident to report…my floor tiles are sliding off my kitchen wall in record numbers..buggers.  I guess I should have primed the wall before I put them up.  They just seem to want to rest on the bottom.  I have to keep repositioning them every hour for theloveof mike.  Tomorrow I will have to take them all down and do it over. blah  

Last night after the AA crowd went home, I had me a hankerin’ for KFC.  I had it so bad I would have grabbed a chicken out of a coup and ate em alive, providing he had the right  spices on him.  Forget the feathers.  I just wanted something greasy, carazzy huh?  I never eat greasy crap. I even wanted to eat the skin.  I never the eat the chicken skin on chicken, but I was ravenous, I just wanted the skin, a little chicken and maybe a big box of breaded chicken  “tenders” to go with that, plus greasy fries and GRAVY.  Lord, I had me a craving.  As luck would have it, I had a “Coupon”…now, this was even better.  I had twenty bucks in my wallet, with KFC written all over it.  I PHONED, and I phoned, and I phoned, all lines were busy.  I was starting to get the heby jebies…I need my fix.  No one answered the phones, I was on hold for 30 minutes!!!  Who in the hell in calling for KFC on labour day weekend, I thought the whole city had vacated and were >>at the lake>>apparently that was not the case.  Our KFC is a block from the University and of course all of those snot nosed little twits are now on campus, and ordering food on their parents dime.  Jiminy Cricket!!..was I pissed.  I never do fast food almost evar…now that I wanted it…I couldn’t have it..unless I wanted to wait .  Screw em.  So, “fudge”, I made grilled ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches..and threw a few pickles on the table…I was so pissed and so totally unfulfilled.   After supper?,  we started to watch the horror on CNN, in Mississippi.. then I brought out two huge bowls of ice-cream…big mothers!!!..with strawberries……I just wanted to eat more than I needed….strange…maybe I was watching too much CNN coverage all weekend.  When you see hunger and thirst maybe it primes your need for it.  I don’t know.  It was very strange.  

I  am making a big roaster full of baby back ribs, with rice and salad for supper.  I am still hungry.  There seems a void I must fill.  I really think that is the past three days I have had CNN on constantly, weather I’m watching it or just going about the house doing things, I really think it has affected me a lot.  

I was very surprised at my hippy girlfriend last night, I shouldn’t have been, but I was.  I mentioned the plight of those in Mississippi, and my concern for the welfare of the residents.  I may not have said this before, but she works with refugees that come to Canada from other countries that have fled for their lives for injustices inflicted upon them.  She pointed out several earthquakes, flooding, famine, that we can’t even imagine in those countries that we don’t even think about.  We read it in the paper and then forget about it.  And you know she is right.  CNN reports a blurb and it’s gone.  It’s different when we see it in our own back yards.  

Hmmm balonie is getting all serious tonight…probably because  I haven’t had my grease fix yet…..Gord just came home….I got the bibs ready, and we are going to have a greasy dinner…and get down and dirty.   I’ll probably have to take a shower to wipe off all the rib sauce off my face……

Ma belly is full, and just having some fruit for dessert.   The dog licked off the sauce from my face…jest kidding…I licked it off her face after I gave her some!  It was that good.   And the Oriental Salad was soooo the best.

I’m done….hope to get back on schedule next week and check up on my fav bloggers and do some of my own.