Thursday, September 22, 2005

Evil Evil Lawnmowers

I came home from work, made a pot of "good" soup for supper, to be served later with fresh crusty rolls, then went downstairs and started a batch of wine for the holidays. Played ball with the dog. And all the while I was evading the unavoidable, "mowing the stinking lawn." It's Thursday lawn mowing nite, and I knew that sucker wouldn't start. Last Thursday when I tried to start the lawnmower from hell,(with no luck) and it actually spoke to me, and said balonie, I am tired, and need to go to lawnmower heaven. I patted his greasy little face, and said "go my child." ...because I can't stand this shit anymore....Go..Go..git!! Skidaddle...whatever. Gord comes home 5 minutes later as I was mowing the lawn with my handy dandy little electric lawnmower. He asks why I'm not using the "Devil lawnmower". I explain, I pulled the cord twice, and it tried to suck me in with it..into a place called mower "hell." Have ever pulled the lawnmower cord, and it stops short and yanks you down to it's greasy face. Then you know the devil is at work, and it's time to shut her down. Gord is now on the offensive..."what did you do to it?" ...well fuckme..WHAT DID I DO TO IT?..."I tried having sex with it, but it wasn't in the mood"! fortheloveofmike. He suggested I may have flooded it...well I would have flooded it if I had the water hose near by, by damn. So, he takes it the shop next day, and starts working on it, gets it working, shows it off to me, and says that all it takes is this and that he had adjusted to make her go. He even made me pull the cord, and mow part of the lawn. And by golly, I thought he had removed the exorcism..but alas, they came back this Thursday. They must have just been waiting for him to try to start it.

Gord came home tonight, with confidence showing in his face, smiling and all. He got out the leaf blower, (he does that first) and took all the leaves off the deck and patio ... and damn near gassed us out of the house, but that is all part of our summer game. First he makes the dog bark at the leaf blower, and then follows her around for a few minutes and gets her crazy. Then, I have to break them up, and he goes about his make us sick of the gas smell coming off the blower. I close all the windows and patio doors, while he does his manly thing.

Then it is time to get out evil lawnmower, I hear him pull the cord..once..and it's a running. Life is good. I get the dog up in the house, and sit down at the computer...and I hear him mowing away in the front yard...and then..nothing..nadda. I peek over my office window to the front yard, and see him take the evil one to the garage. I'm thinking, do I really want to go out there and ask what happened..or just stay here blogging about nuttin. I take my chances, he tells me the evil guy is flooded to hell. Whatever he did last time did not work.. I felt sorry for him, he has tried so hard to keep it going. But, I am a female, I don't have that need for gas powered stuff. I am perfectly happy with my electric lawnmower, and would very happy with an electric leaf blower too. Must be a guy thing, it has to have a friggin motor!! So, I heard him pathetically trying to start the evil one, time after time. He finally gave up. As mechanically inclined as he is, he admitted's over. I'ts not to soon for me.

1 comment:

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