Sunday, September 27, 2009

Going grocery shopping ..want to come along?

My GPS unit fell off the dashboard as I got in the truck. So I threw it on the seat. How will I ever find my way to Safeway now?

I drove to the top of the street, and found a large gaggle of geese, defecating in our park. I love nothing more that taking Penny for a walk and stepping in green shit. So I shot them. Now we will have a gaggle of goose for Christmas dinner said Tiny Tim.

Then I went to Safeway, which includes all sorts of other stores beside it. My favorite is Giant Tiger, you can get FRESH MEAT there.... at everyday low prices. One moment you are trying on a pair and jeans, and the next moment you could be caressing a pork roast. One stop shopping here. I love this place.

So I parked my truck in between the two stores. Got out and kicked the tires, and made sure I knew where I parked it. Made my mental note. Which by the way, is useless.

I checked out the bread section....not much left on a late Saturday afternoon... so I kicked in the display. Damn them. All I wanted was some fresh bread that did look and taste like ass.

As I was leaving I took another picture, and one of the employees came up to me and said "why you taking picatures"....I said "for my blog"...he said "for your bwolg?." Yes, new immigrant, for my bwolg. He said "no picatures"... I said ..why not, because it's only 5:00PM on a Saturday night and you don't have any bread worth eating in your cases? He told me to get out, so I shot him.

Sitting on the parking lot waiting for the cops to come. I guess I just must of just winged him.

All I really wanted to buy was some corn. There was a tent set up in the parking lot with fresh corn. They are farmers and don't take visa. I didn't have a buck in my pocket. So I went to the ATM machine. I drove up to my bank.

And this is the message I got. Needless to say by this time my patience had worn thin, so I shot a hole right in the center of the monitor. No guilt... I had already shot wildlife, and the guy at Safeway...but this really set me off, so I blew up my Credit Union. Bastards. I'm a working girl, I don't have time to piss around with shit! So, no corn money for me.

Then I headed to Super Store. I knew they had corn...not fresh, but corn none the less. Apparently when you buy corn at Superstore, they allow you to shuck it. There was about 50 people feeling the corn. Touching it and spitting on it, and peeling it. GROSS. No corn for me.
So I lit a small fire by the door just in case the cops were looking for a shooter.
I had another place in mind that sold corn. A little shop just a few miles from my house, that actually takes plastic.

So I took to the open road like Thelma without Louise. I cranked that Explorer up to 50 clicks! Just in case I had cops on my ass.
I passed a cement bear, I could have sworn I saw him raise his paw and go "rock on you rebel." And he gave me the paw peace sign. But it was hard to tell at 50 clicks.

I got to the intersection, had a smoke, calmed down and tried to put my GPS system back on the dashboard. It has this little sucky cup that holds it on the window, but it just kept on falling down, so I threw it out the window. I had run out of bullets so I couldn't shoot it. I just wanted corn. No not porn...corn. sweet corn.on.the.cob. The real stuff.

I ended up here at Crampton's a little overpriced farmer's marketplace. They had lots of corn, and they took mastercard as well!! They had corn that hadn't been shucked and they had corn that had been shucked in plastic bags. There wasn't 5000 people touching it either which made me happy. I opted out for 4 cobs of peaches and cream corn already shucked in a nice clean plastic bag. I did this only because I was getting short of time and didn't want to come home and shuck the fucking corn!

They have a lot of local produce. So I bought a bunch of stuff that will probably rot in my crisper. My intentions are always good, but sometimes I don't always follow through.


They had some cute pumpkins. I was going to buy a few for target practice the next time I buy some more bullets. But, time was marching on and I had to get home. After all Saturday night is "Attitude Adjustment Hour Nite"...and I had people coming over who needed their heads adjusted. Wine usually helps, but sometimes you have manually twist their heads back into shape for the coming week. So, I had to be prepared for that.

Then I found a dog. I named her Elizabeth. She watched me put my corn in my truck. We did a few window kisses and off I went.

I started the trek home. Passed a Driving range. There was about 100 people hitting golf balls that were going nofuckingwhere. Excuse me, but I don't get that sport. So I put my Explorer in over drive and spun gravel in their faces. Get a life.

Going home. It was a very foggy today. So a lot of the pictures are blah...and also I was taking some of them when I was driving, drinking, on the cell phone, and smoking. That make for a blurry picture.

I took the scenic way home. There are no geese in this pond, because they are all in my freezer.

This is another pond, right close to our house. As you can see it is gated, because it is a maximum holding facility for bad geese. We open it up in fall so they can fly youse Americans can deal with their issues.

Looks like the Warden just let them out. They should be flying over your house in about a day or so. I think they are gay geese, but that is just a rumour I overheard in the cul-de-sac.

Down the home stretch. Coming home with my corn. The neighbours have a lot of crap on the curb today. The City: said this weekend will be two days where you can put all your junk on the curb and give it away. That junk was there yesterday and it's still there today. I don't think the plan worked. People like to pay a little and haggle...they don' t understand free.

I'm home with my loot. It's still very foggy. But the sun in coming out.

It sure doesn't look like a lot of stuff for all the time it took me to get it. But of course there was all the shooting.

I guess I forgot all my" green" freaking friendly bags at home. Yes, here they are at the front door like usual.

Here is the stuff from Crampton's ..CORN!...cukes, fresh bread, tomatoes, carrots and a jar of overpriced pickles.

Stuff I bought at Safeway and Super Store.

Here is the grocery list I left at home.
Sonofabitch...I forgot the dirt. (soil) like for planting all those I shot today.

We had the corn last night, and it was worth all the mayhem. Sweet juicy and smackdabdelcious.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday night musings

First of all I would like to say... I had one fuck of a internet day.

I was having issues with all the new and improved phones, photocopy machines/fax/scan to email/and network etcfk! at work.

Did you know, I repeat did you know..that once you have committed all your office equipment to be Internet are screwed up the ying yang.

I didn't have a phone today
I didn't have any internet access on my computer today
I couldn't print anything on the printer...because it's part of the interfuckingnet photocopy machine from hell.
And it screwed up our network, and nobody could get on my computer...ha and ha.

I sat there going...okay I can do some filing. I could not do one thing that didn't need either emailing, printing or something on our server. ha and ha again.

It brought our office to a halt.

I personally think it was all you guys farting around on face book, or bloggers doing their thing, who took the breath out of my internet. I'm looking at all of you.. because it was hell.

No phone, no internet, no copier, no email, no nadda....damit to hell. I was flabbergasted, I had to use the fax machine, which is still not connected to the photocopier (but will be next week) it was my only way communicating to the real world. So if everything goes down again after the fax machine is incorporated with the photocopier/slash everything else... I may as well go home and put on a Joe Cocker album and call it a day.

Remember when faxing was the cats ass. Communication at it's best. Now it's your last resort.
Opp's remember telex? No, you aren't that old.

Gord and I are just going out on the back deck to enjoy a very warm evening. I got some candles going because it's already dark, and I will make a pizza and we can have it outside. It's a beautiful fall night.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I have to get past that last post...pushing it down

Geez, I was in sad state of affairs yesterday...good grief! What came over me?

Let's get a little more cheery...okay?

A bizillion geese just flew over my house. Is it fall already? I guess that is why my deck is full of goose poop.

I got pinned yesterday, and a man helped me out.

I was in Super Store and for some reason I thought I could bring up my cart beside the check stand and slip through it to the other side to pay for my groceries. I couldn't...I was pinned between the other check stand and this one. I tucked in my belly as far as you can tuck -a- belly and I was stuck. Like a pig. I gestured to the cashier, and when she finally saw me waving frantically, she said I will try to get someone from customer service to free you. Holy shit. I was stuck and it hurt. The kind man behind me suggested he might try to move the cart backwards. But I was stuck pretty tight, and every time he moved the cart I yelped like a puppy. Finally he did a little jiggle thing .... and I was free.

How frickin stupid was that?

How embarrassing? Very. Customer service had already been summoned with the "Grocery JAWS OF LIFE." which consisted of one very tired looking Manager with "whatthellnow" look written all over his face. But, by that time I had been freed.

Let Freedom ring.

I paid, and collected my groceries with shame.

All the people in the store were looking at me, and silently saying to themselves..there goes that lady who got stuck between two check stands. What is wrong with her?

My ribs really hurt this morning from all the tugging.

Just another life lesson.

Don't try to put the cart before the horse.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

So here we are ten years later

I forgot the date today although I have been thinking about it all week.

I had so much on my mind today.

Pick up milk
Get some bookwork done
Clean up the house

How could I have forgot you?

I almost forgot you died 10 years ago today. My Mother.

As I was coming home from running my errands it struck me like lightning.

I had to pull over.

I could not believe I had gone through the entire day without remembering.

I sat on the side of the road for a bit.

I cried. Only in disbelief that I had almost forgotten.

I pulled myself together.

I found a little store that sold flowers.

I put them in my truck and began the familiar journey as I do every time on this day.

I love the windy little road that takes me to the cemetery. As usual I take that walk from the road to where mom and dad reside now. Always thinking about how it will look from the last time I saw it...and am never disappointed because it's always the same. Which brings me so much comfort.

I came with only one beautiful tri colored Dahlia in hand. Dahlia's were always her favorite flower.

I sat down, in front of Mom and Dad's headstone
And suddenly the tears I could never shed after she died.
Came tumbling down.
Hard, fast and hot.

They burned my face.

I wasn't prepared for this kind emotion today. Or ever I guess. I just couldn't believe it was ten years since I had last seen her and 14 since I had seen my daddy.

I didn't have a Kleenex with with me and I was blowing my nose in the sleeve of sweat shit all the way home. I had red streaks on my face when I came home...those were some hot tears.

Phew...that shit takes a lot out off you. As much as you try not to think of it.

I had a good talk with both of them. Kind of one sided, but a talk anyway.

I'm hoping the next time I go there I don't melt into a pile of crap like this time ...geez I have my hard ass rep to keep up.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Just talking through my ass again.back at work

I'm back in prison. My inmates seemed to be happy to see me. It wasn't there for than two minutes before I had the whole gang asking questions, giving me grief...while the phone started to ring and ring. Yeah, welcome back joanie balonie.

I patted all the little apprentices on the head, (they are my little puppies) scratched the backs of their ears and sent them on there way. Fly, my little one's I shouted as I gave them their work orders.... or somebody did, I don't think it was me. I was trying to find all my stuff on my desk.

Stapler - gone
Metal ruler - gone
Pens - all gone
Stamps - hidden away...because if not..would be gone.
Computer - someone changed my settings from FireFox to explorer..bastards.
Peppermints - still there..because I hid them
Box of crackers - still in the box, I guess nobody likes my crackers.
Photo copier/email scanner/fax machine/printer...gone WTF!

Okay, now it wasn't funny anymore. But we had been looking for a new machine because our older one was in the shop, and apparently it was toast. And a new one we had been looking at had been ordered. BUT NOT FROM THE SAME COMPANY. So, the loaner we got from the old company while ours was being fixed, came and took it away. But now we had nothing left in the office but a old HP printer, which is on it's last legs. You literally have to "beg" it to print. The old lady has her good days and her ..not so good days. We didn't even have a fax machine, but we begged one from one of our guys, so at least we were in contact with the outside world.

It's amazing the technology you get used to. We used to do everything by fax in the old days. Now I had to tell our head office to FAX (yes the old fashioned way) all the stuff they used to email me with. Because the HP (Hilda Pooper) printer was taking a royal dump. Thank god for that old fax machine one of guys brought in.. Tomorrow we should be back up and running with the FASTEST, MOST ECONOMICAL, and wonderful machine that was ever invented.

I read the brochure.. it will push 1000 copies out of it's ass in 10 seconds. It will do everything you could ever wish for in 5 seconds. It will take you out for lunch if you press the right button. This machine will even wipe your ass if you tell it to. What more can a girl wish for?

I will be talking to the rep's when they bring in "smarty pants" tomorrow. If it's all it's supposed to be...who needs me? I will just go back on vacation.

So, yeah I came back to a little bittie bunch of shittie. But, you know it was like coming home again. I sort of missed those assholes. I have to admit I was a little out of sorts on my vacation, I didn't know what to do next. I'm not used to having free time and the structure I am used to.

I don't know how I can ever retire. I will be 65 next year...I know... it's crazy. I just can't sit and knit. I will probably keep on working as long as they will have me..or until I start bringing a shopping cart to work and "gathering" stuff. Singing my happy song.

Just another stage of life I guess.

Friday, September 11, 2009

I hurt one of my paws

It's my back paw. Ouch.

I have been doing so much walking this week that my flat feet farted. It's that little piece between your big toe and the ball of your foot that hurts friggin hell. Metatarsal? whatever. I used to get this when I wore high heels to work back in the dark ages! I'ts put a "cramp" in all the stuff I wanted to do on my brief holiday.

Our painter: Lord, he is a nice guy, but he broke Penny's doggie ramp coming up the back stairs to the house. He has been painting the outside of the house for about a week. On Monday, I told Gord that Penny's ramp looked like it was caving a bit in the middle, and he said he would screw it down on the weekend.

On Tuesday, while I was having coffee, reading the paper, and eating bon bon's in the kitchen I heard a huge thump. I ran outside to see the painter and half the ramp down on the patio. Fortunately it broke a few steps up or he would have fell a few feet. I never even imagined he would go up that ramp, it's so narrow, and obviously not meant for people.

After some discussion, he has been using it for sometime....therefore the bow I noticed in the ramp. ahhhhhhh The timing couldn't have been worse because Penny injured her leg last Thursday, and I was counting on the ramp for her to get in and out of the do da bidness.. Gord didn't have time to fix it for two days, and I had to haul the dog up and down the stairs ..for TWO friggin days.

Penny had no idea that she was walking on three legs, once she down in the lawn, it was all about play time, she just couldn't figure out why all the attention and NO playtime. Reigning her in was the terrible. She ran on three legs! I think she is pretty well normal now....after giving her the old med's she used to take for her arthritis. I think I may drop a little of that in my cheerio's tomorrow... and howl and the moon.

So, the dog and I are pretty well at a even keel. We both have our back paws splayed out and are resting.


I bought a new phone. I really love it. We had a corded phone in our kitchen forever. You know the kind (off white) .. high up on the wall, with a cord that was stretched out like an old ladies vagina....yeah that kind. In the past years I have bought so many cordless phones, that never worked. So, I just gave up and used the old lady. But then she passed away. Someone pulled that cord a little too tight and she gave up the fight.

I had a problem with the new phone placements etc, and you know I just solved it in my head by writing this and trying to explain it. You don't want to know how easy that was. Nevermind. I would have been embar(assed). Ass being the operative word here. I was going to ask your opinion. phew... sometimes it just takes writing it down to figure shit out.

I could tell that I was wiped out this week. I needed some time off. I didn't get up before 11:00 AM everyday until Thursday. When I woke up that morning I finally felt refreshed and didn't feel the need to curl up and let the morning slide by. And this morning I was up at 9:00 AM again. I have three more days off..... plus another week at Christmas.

Best part of being at home:

This morning as I was having my coffee outside on the deck, I noticed a little activity in the bushes on the left side of the fence. There is a "cat walk" so to speak all around our property and the neighbours. It's a walkway for anything with 4 feet...except my painter. I'm surprised he didn't try it.

First of all I thought it was cat walking the runway...then I noticed another cat..then another...OMG three raccoons following each other on the fence. They stopped when they saw the neighbour working next door....and they dropped down into my garden. I ran into the house and got my camera.... they scoured around my garden for a bit...and then Penny started to bark, and they went back up the fence. I keep Penny in after that...and watched them. They came up the fence and were back on the cat walk. They saw me with my camera on the deck, but didn't seem to be very concerned, as they ambled down the walk. I took a picture...andforfucksake...the very first time I have a picture of interest to freaking card was full. I just about shit myself.

But I will never forget those three masked little faces looking at me and slowly moving on.

What else am I missing here in the mornings?

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

You ain't seen nothing yet

I have only been on "holiday" for one day....and everything went to shit. I was hoping for no interruptions ... just a peaceful transition from the work place to the home place.

My first wish came true, it rained this morning. My wish to was to lay in bed and hear the rain, and not have to get up and go to work. And do a sleepy slumber. I heard the rain alright, but I did not factor in all the wildlife, who seem to have a flight path over our house. First it was a fucking crow, he was cawing his brains out for about 20 minutes...then a huge gaggle of geese drowned out his asshole caws. When he finally flew off, the squirrels had a stand off right outside our bedroom window. Stupidsquirrel had inadvertently landed on even stupidersquirrels territory. It was game on. They were even climbing up the stucco of the house... racing around like their tails were on FIRE. Right outside my window. The racing part was okay, but the noises they make were unbelievable. And of course, then the dog with three legs wants to be let outside to chase them. Yeah, get a life dog, you ain't going nowhere.

Finally all the ruckus stopped, and the rain started up again.. I looked at my alarm clock which registered 8:30AM (the time I have to be at work) I smiled and pulled the covers over my head and had the best rain snooze ever until 10:00AM.

Note to self: In the new house do not grow a tree beside your bedroom window. Never. Ever.

Did you think that this was the end of it? Wrong. Day 1 one of my holiday consisted of the dog still running around on three legs, Gord coming home and had screwed up his bad knee and his good knee, and I can't walk on my left foot..because the ball of it is inflamed and giving me cramps!

So welcome to my world...senior citizen style. One day someone is going to have come here and get us out of our lovely 4 level split..with a scissor lift.

We are so close to building a bungalow, close let's see who wins.

Monday, September 07, 2009

My side bar fell down

And can't get back up. I think I will just leave it there.

I was fudging around with the dimensions of the post area, because it is too darn narrow and it pushed it down. I guess I will have to go back in and re-adjust it again. whenever.........

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Wow, the weather is great like summer should be

But for the majority of the day I did sweet "f" all. Oh yeah, I made "half crazy" pickles. We Mennonites have such a way with words don't we. By half crazy, I mean they weren't canned, and only half done. We call that CRAZY. I just boiled up the vinegar, water and salt and added it to jars of sliced up cukes with a bunch of dill and garlic in them. Cool em off, put them in the fridge...and Bob's your uncle. Great for sandwiches. You should probably use them within a few weeks. I didn't have any canning jars, so I used a few old store bought pickle jars I had saved.

I just finished prepping our supper. And other stuff for the rest of the week.

I am sitting on the deck, and it is lovely. Not a breath of wind, which is unusual for these parts. It's kind of hard typing because normally I have my wireless keyboard, b u t...someone forgot it out in the rain last weekend. It went to shit. I'ts more comfortable I can just put in on my lap and sit back on my chair and type. Now I got my friggin nose in the screen.

My brother and SIL showed up last night at Attitude Adjustment hour. Wow, I haven't seen them for so long. It was so good to see them. We caught up on a lot of stuff.

I am nervous....I am grilling steak on the BQ tonight, and I always fuck it up...always. We go in with such high hopes, then after we are finished Gord will say:

Well, it was better than the last come on! I know shit when I eat it. He is way to kind, he is only scared I won't make it again, because he loves steak and I don't, so we don't make it too often. Cooking on the BQ is just my worst fear. I am a pretty good cook, but..take me out my element (the kitchen) all goes to hell.

My poor ole Penny Loafer, she hurt her little hoffie again. Yet she does not give up. Playtime is playtime and wants to hobble after her ball. Of course that didn't happen and she has the most saddest look on her face. I tried to wipe if off, but it just stayed sad looking.

On another note:
I heard a young girls cell phone conversation yesterday that just blew me away. I had to get close to her outside the store just to see the outcome. It was bizarre. I think she was about 17 or 18 years old, and was unlocking her bike getting ready to leave.

At first this what I heard:
ANDREA! you are old enough to get in a bus and find your way home. You have proven to me and the whole family that you are not mature enough to to make any decisions, and the one's you make are always the wrong. Let's go over them! (this is in a parking lot)

A.) (she yelled and A) You are just lazy and using dad to pick you up at the mall whenever you want to. You know he will do anything you want, and you take advantage of him.

B) she yelled and B) I am on my bike and can't pick you up. Don't bother trying to find dad. He has better stuff to do.

AND C) she yelled C) she told her what a lazy brat she was, and needed to grow up. Stuff does not grow on trees, while she sleeps until noon and spends the rest of the day in the mall and expects someone to pick her up.

Then, as she got on her bike and passed me she still had her cell phone in her hand, and I heard:

AND D) she yelled D) If you think mom and dad are going support you through University you are wrong, because you can't even take care of yourself at home. are such a loser....and her rant went on and on and finally as she pedalled away I couldn't hear her anymore.

I just loved her organized thought process. ABCD. 1234 HUP. She can't have much older than her sister, but she sure had her shit together. Andrea will be loser in the family and "bike "girl will probably be a cop. OR an accountant, I'm not sure. She has organizational skills for sure. And nobody has to pick her up, because she has a bike. Maybe a lawyer, I'm not sure.

I am really starting to enjoy facebook. I don't really get it yet, but I like the one on one banter. There is stuff I have to figure out yet.

Year's ago I was always on "chat" and that was in in real time. I don't think I could keep up with that anymore. I just don't have the patience or the time. AOL ..those were good times baby. We were bad dudes.

Just a note to anyone who reads my blog, and you want to come over to facebook and chat, just look me up and I would love to befriend you...or whateverthehelltheycallitoverthere. Some lameass name.

I took me 2 hours to put up two pictures. Ouch.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009


So little time, so much to do.

I'm going on holidays next week so I can start to relax. Heaving a sigh of relief. Man I am wiped out.

It's times like this that facebook comes in real handy to still connect with other bloggers.

I cleaned up the back 40 on Sunday, along with my little garden pond and flowers etc. Everything was so over grown because of all the rain this summer. So I snipped them. I snipped them so close to the ground they might never come back up. I was feeling snippy. Then I started to prune the trees, well hells bells, when you do one, ya gotta do em all.

It's starts out as ..okay lets snip this branch, then..umm this branch,.........then it becomes a full blown addiction. You want it all gone! You have a pair of pruners and NEED to cut something really bad. And the more you cut, the more of the sky you can see. And you wonder why in the hell you didn't do this before. But then your old legs give out and start to cramp up after all the gardening crap. And you lay on the lawn like a half dead turkey, waiting for them to go away...whilst the dog is licking your face and has her "Lassie" cell phone in her paw dialing doggie 911.

Once the cramps subsided and I got up and continued my rounds. Then Gord came home for a bit and decided we should shovel a mound of 1000 pounds of gravel we have on the driveway in his little trailer to take back to his shop. Lovely. Some how he always sucks me into his projects when I have my own. So, I got out the shovels. One just missed his head.

Sorry for the lack of posts, but lately...shit.. I just can't get it together.

Hopefully next week I can get my shit together.

I got stuff to say, but not time to say it in.....

Tuesday, September 01, 2009