Saturday, September 19, 2009

So here we are ten years later

I forgot the date today although I have been thinking about it all week.

I had so much on my mind today.

Pick up milk
Get some bookwork done
Clean up the house

How could I have forgot you?

I almost forgot you died 10 years ago today. My Mother.

As I was coming home from running my errands it struck me like lightning.

I had to pull over.

I could not believe I had gone through the entire day without remembering.

I sat on the side of the road for a bit.

I cried. Only in disbelief that I had almost forgotten.

I pulled myself together.

I found a little store that sold flowers.

I put them in my truck and began the familiar journey as I do every time on this day.

I love the windy little road that takes me to the cemetery. As usual I take that walk from the road to where mom and dad reside now. Always thinking about how it will look from the last time I saw it...and am never disappointed because it's always the same. Which brings me so much comfort.

I came with only one beautiful tri colored Dahlia in hand. Dahlia's were always her favorite flower.

I sat down, in front of Mom and Dad's headstone
And suddenly the tears I could never shed after she died.
Came tumbling down.
Hard, fast and hot.

They burned my face.

I wasn't prepared for this kind emotion today. Or ever I guess. I just couldn't believe it was ten years since I had last seen her and 14 since I had seen my daddy.

I didn't have a Kleenex with with me and I was blowing my nose in the sleeve of sweat shit all the way home. I had red streaks on my face when I came home...those were some hot tears.

Phew...that shit takes a lot out off you. As much as you try not to think of it.

I had a good talk with both of them. Kind of one sided, but a talk anyway.

I'm hoping the next time I go there I don't melt into a pile of crap like this time ...geez I have my hard ass rep to keep up.


Nicole said...

I'm sorry Joan. It is hard not to have tears when you remember. And I am sure your words were heard.
Hugs to you and thank you for sharing.

Poolie said...

Blessings to you as you go through these times.

Donna said...

Oh Sweetheart...don't take much, does it....
My Mom left me in '96 and my Dad in 01...I think I'm Still pissed...Hahaa...And They Know IT!!Hahaa....
Bless your heart...(((HUG)))

PS- Here's the link to the Tomato Gravy recipe..just copy it in the address line way up there and enjoy!

Brenda said...

Melting is allowed Miz Joan and so many times it's needed. In March it was 10 years since my Mom left us too. I really miss her.

judemiller1 said...

Yep--go through the same thing...and my Mom has been gone for almost 40 years--she died at 53--not fair. Daddy went last year at 92--that was fair(er).