I forgot the date today although I have been thinking about it all week.
I had so much on my mind today.
Pick up milk
Get some bookwork done
Clean up the house
How could I have forgot you?
I almost forgot you died 10 years ago today. My Mother.
As I was coming home from running my errands it struck me like lightning.
I had to pull over.
I could not believe I had gone through the entire day without remembering.
I sat on the side of the road for a bit.
I cried. Only in disbelief that I had almost forgotten.
I pulled myself together.
I found a little store that sold flowers.
I put them in my truck and began the familiar journey as I do every time on this day.
I love the windy little road that takes me to the cemetery. As usual I take that walk from the road to where mom and dad reside now. Always thinking about how it will look from the last time I saw it...and am never disappointed because it's always the same. Which brings me so much comfort.
I came with only one beautiful tri colored Dahlia in hand. Dahlia's were always her favorite flower.
I sat down, in front of Mom and Dad's headstone
And suddenly the tears I could never shed after she died.
Came tumbling down.
Hard, fast and hot.
They burned my face.
I wasn't prepared for this kind emotion today. Or ever I guess. I just couldn't believe it was ten years since I had last seen her and 14 since I had seen my daddy.
I didn't have a Kleenex with with me and I was blowing my nose in the sleeve of sweat shit all the way home. I had red streaks on my face when I came home...those were some hot tears.
Phew...that shit takes a lot out off you. As much as you try not to think of it.
I had a good talk with both of them. Kind of one sided, but a talk anyway.
I'm hoping the next time I go there I don't melt into a pile of crap like this time ...geez I have my hard ass rep to keep up.