Just came back in from the back 40. Looks like crap back there. I finally emptied my pond, of the pond scumedness. It stunk so bad I had to wear a clothespin on me nose. I kept on having dry heaves whilst baling the old leaves and shit out of it. Fortheloveofstank...that was bad. reallll badddd. I still feel like hurling...oops, I just did, hope I didn't get any on ya. I washed up, but every now and again, the scent lingers on...and on. phewww
I did a quick walk by of all my trees in the back 40 and made some assessments. I decided this year I will be a lean and mean "chainsaw" cuttin machine. I had a talk with each and every one of them. They knew I was coming, because suddenly they all stood up straight and at attention. No tree wants the axe. I did it in a Queenly manner, I addressed each and every one with a soft spoken word of encouragement, and yet I remained stoic. I had to, because obviously, at the meeting last spring, some of them were not listening. Nope. They got complacent, and thought I would put up with antics again this year. They thought wrong. Did they think when I spoke at length at our last years meeting about pruning, that I was kidding? Yeah, I know..they all yelled back at me and said, "if you prune us".. we will commit suicide. I caved. But, this is 2006, and I AM WOMAN..and you suckers are gonna behave, or I will have to call in the "tree pruner cutter guys"... and all of you will have no balls left..get it!! ... tree silence ensued.. you could have heard a pine needle drop. I finally had their attention.
So I told them..stick with me, I will just shave your most unimportant parts, but I don't want to hear any grief, when I snap your branches in half! They all looked at me with their big puppy dog leaves, and gave me the nod. Then they joined in song and sang "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Around the Old Oak Tree." You can't ask for more than that. My babies.
I talk to trees. The alarming part is that I find this normal. More alarming is that they talk back to me, and let me cut them. ouch.
I should probably stick my head in pond scum. I am so unworthy of my noble poplar, apple, and willow trees, forgive me for what I am about to do.
PS..if anyone reading this has a problem with the new template, let me know, I know it is kinda dark.. I have no problem finding another one...youse guys know how much I like doin dat shit.