Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Balonie needs to speak..beware

I caught Joan at a low point today...and decided to push her out. She's been keeping me at bay for almost a year, but today I put the metal to the pedal and booted her off this blog. She is gone. I can't stand her~ she is a walking turd.

Well, hello! So nice to see you assholes again. Joan was getting a little too complacent and didn't see me coming. I have a lot of shit to clean up around here. She blogs about weather, her stinking dog, and whined forever about the Lincoln. Cry me a fucking river. Take a bus, bitch, if you don't like the way the brakes are working, open the door and stick your foot out and slow er down you wuss. Also, try not to talk about your cooking. I have been watching you, and it stinks! I'm sure Gord is sleeping in the garage in the Lincoln by now trying to get away from your bean salads, no salt, no fat, no nothing casseroles. Your not getting any younger, and by the size of your jowls, no man will have you unless they are into farmyard sex.

I don't know what anyone sees in her...loser. You know what she did last week? No, I guess you don't, because she NEVER ever admits she made a mistake. She just sugar coats it all.

Well, I'll tell you what she did last week, she missed a day. I knew she was fucked all week, and was one day behind, but because she ignores me, and won't let me in.... I can't tell her IT'S NOT THURSDAY STUPID, IT'S FRIDAY. I was watching (hoovering) when this happened on ummm Friday morning at work:

Rob, one of the electricians at work was at her desk when she came into work. He was at the computer because the others were being used.

As far as I could see ...which is not that far, because she puts me at the back of her small brain half the time, Rob was innocently filling out a work order. Her boss, John calls out to Rob. "Rob" did you finish ...job so and so today. Rob says yes I did, I wanted to finish it off before the weekend. Boss say...ummm it's only Thursday. Rob looks at Joan, then Joan looks at boss with a blank stare. Joan says to Rob, "today is Thursday"...what is wrong with you. Rob, is still processing all this information, and Joan had no idea boss was kidding Rob...because SHE thought it was Thursday...not Friday. Boss and Rob go for coffee, and she forgot the entire conversation.

Around 4:00 PM Boss comes to Joan, and says.." We should get this package out today, the customer needs it for Monday". Joan "no brains" ...say no, it's to late for the courier, I will send it tomorrow. Boss, looks a little perplexed, and said.."are you coming in tomorrow"? Joan says..."yeah"...aren't you? Boss says "no" I've got better stuff do with my Saturdays....huh?

I was watching her....and she was like a Janet from another planet!!! I think I have finally wore her down!! She was looking at the calendar trying figure out what day it was, fortheloveofadipshit!! Boss said to her, I thought you knew I was kidding when I told Rob it was Thursday, she did not, she thought it was Thursday.

She looked a little dazed after that. A day lost in the week will do that to you. That's when I knew she was weak, at it was my time to pounce and get rid of her.

She sat in her chair for about twenty minutes and tried to process it all. Glancing at the calendar again, just to be she started to panic..... She hadn't done the Friday computer back-ups, watered the plants, or planned her menu for Friday night low cal pizza. It was so funny to watch her, she looked so confused, yet every now and again, I saw her smile... and I knew she was thinking about sleeping in a day earlier than expected. She drove home that night in a different time zone, still not getting it; and trying desperately to figure she lost a day???

I was still laying low, hiding behind some brain cells she has already killed...and laughing. She actually attributed loosing that day was because she did not make supper on Monday. Her hairy assed husband had not come home that evening because he had a meeting. This event, had screwed up her entire week! A might too organized wouldn't you think? Someone should take a bat to her.

So, now that I'm in charge, things around here will change.

.. Quit talking about yourself and your Christmas trees and shit, nobody cares about that. If you want people to come and read your blog you gotta be like the Pioneer Woman's blog (sorry I don't have the link) because she has me BLOCKED...the bitch...anyway I like that Pioneer Woman, she has some balls unlike someone I know. And she can cook too. And she used butter in everything she cooks on The Pioneer Lady Cooks blog. No wonder I have so many brain cells to hide behind, there is no fat to lubricate them in her diet. What good are size 10 pants if your brainal matter is only size .004.

... Quit worrying about every fucking damn thing. You are making it easier and easier for me to take over..........while I don't mind, I hate to see someone turn into a basket case for no buck up buttercup....

... Quit trying to control Gord's life. He will be just fine without your infinite wisdom. He is not a child, he is a grown up, treat him like one. If he screws up...hey that's life.

...Get some clothes, you look like a refugee. Those baggy old pants do nothing for your new found figure...You could have found a few sugar daddy's when you were driving the Lincoln if you would not have been wearing your pyjamas.

...Get Christmas happening, instead of dwelling on last year, when Gord wasn't feeling good, and you didn't know he had a problem. He is fine now, enjoy it... who knows what next year will bring.

I don't know how long I will be in her head...normally it's only a week or so, but while I'm here...someone ..... please, tell her to shave her moustache...good lord, she looks like a man.


Brenda said...

UtOh balonie, she's going to give you the old heave ho if she finds out that you've been messin with her blog!

AndiePandie said...

Wow that was some strong words. And hey, I don't mind hearing about the tree and dinner.

Joan said...

yeah, I was in a mood alright.

gotta watch my language...oy