Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Penny's Pouting

We had play time, we had snack time, we had brush me time, but the minute I sit down here it's I hate you time. The rolling of the eyes, the constant "pat me"... I am lonely.. is getting on my last nerve. So, I type this with one hand and pat with the other. That leaves "no hand" to sip my allotted glass..es of wine while blogging. Therefore, this blog just might make sense. Or not.

My New year's wish was to get rid of of this ugly dog hair infested 1990 recliner you see above. But...it's the most comfy ... park your ass in...Archie Bunker recliner ever. Penny and I do our best making out on it.

Balonie has been emailing me all day...gawd I hate her! She needs a cookie cutter to cut up her baloney rounds to make the Christmas Tree ornaments! Well, fortheloveofpete. Christmas has come and gone, and where the hell were you asshole? I don't have any cookie cutters, I don't bake at Christmas, that is what I have neighbours for, they bring it all over to the house and in huge platters. I love them. So, in order to make her happy, I might just have to go over to my bestest neighbour and borrow a fucking cookie cutter to get this blog done. It's going to be embarrassing when I tell neighbour lady why. Man, all I need is a star or something...anything at all yuletidisness. I looked everywhere, and I can't come up with anything. I might just have to carve the baloney myself. If she doesn't smarten up...

Maybe we should do it like when we were kids. Chew out two eyes, then a nose and a mouth, hold it UP...and laugh till we pissed our pants. Then make a hole on top of the baloney round and hang it on the tree..which is now in my basement. In a box. I think the the reason for the season is over. But, if she insists, I will hang that sucker somewhere. ... close to Penny... easy come..easy go. Gone! Let's see what happens.

Heh, the other day I was getting mixed up in which blog I was in. Lordy, I started posting in the wrong one. I think I have that under control now. Blogging Here, Recipes There. Fart. It's hard having two personalities posting who seem to be so interconnected, yet one is crazy. I don't which one that is. It could go either which way.

I bought a "AS SEEN ON TV" Can Opener today. I love it. You stick this little thing that looks like a computer mouse on top of the can, press a button, and it spins around and opens your can without any help from you. It really works! I hate my can opener...and I do use it alot, so this is the cat's ass. Or Cat's Meow..one of them. Now I can throw it in a drawer and not have it on my counter top. It's battery operated, so no cord. I got rechargeable batteries, so this should be a cake walk. My lazy ass kisses it. I sort of looks like a vibrator, but whoa...that sucker could take a bite out of your bits.

I have lost the hearing in my right ear. So, I won't be able to hear what you are saying about me tonight. Go ahead, have a good laugh and talk about me behind my back. My ear is plugged with ear jam. And, no not the kind you put on your toast. However, it might taste like Marmalade, which is bitter, but I don't recommend it. No, not at all. Disclaimer. I feel like I'm listening in mono, instead of stereo. My left (good) ear is picking up the sound, it seems like it is coming from a different direction and making me dizzy. I had trouble walking and driving today, because it felt so unbalanced. Damn those 60's...too much rock and roll.

I put some ear jam medicine in it tonight and I will see if that works by tomorrow, if not I have to go to the walk in clinic and get it "boodled out." And then I will make a Ear Jam Sandwich with it. arg. Now that I think of it, I will tell balonie... Ear Jam Sandwiches will be hit on her site...ahaaahaa. She falls for anything I tell her. Balonie Christmas tree ornaments, followed by Ear Jam Sandwiches should put her ahead of the Pioneer Woman by leaps in bounds because she just does "down home cooking". I said that in jest....but hmmm I just put on my thinking hat, you know the one.. the pointy one. See the paragraph below.

Now that I think of it, balonie could do more Eco friendly cooking, by using your ... for example, ear jam on toast. Use your own tears instead of salt, use your perspiration instead of cheese, use your own hair instead of pasta, use your own saliva to cook your veggies with, can you see where I am going with this...the list is endless. I wouldn't be surprised if she will receive the next Nobel Prize for using all her body parts to save the planet. Hey, Pioneer Woman..top that!

Yeah....we have a better idea than roasting calf nuts. Not saying that isn't Eco friendly, but I'm betting they would probably have liked to kept them.

So, if you have got this far....I put up a post in Cooking With Balonie to get you over the hump while she figures out what to do with her Christmas Baloney rounds. dink.


Brenda said...

I suppose they cook calf nuts instead of bull nuts cause they're more tender? Ain't a eatin no nuts, nope, not me!

Can't wait to see these bologna ornaments.

Bobbie said...

Isn't it toe jam, and ear wax?

Susan said...

I have a cat that wont let me type in peace. I have to yype with one hand and hold her with the other one or she walks all over the key board.
How do I get to Balonie Blog? You dont have any links on the side bar?

canuckabilly said...

Dam you did a lot of typing with one hand. Poor doggey. Gotta go look for that chili thingy now.

Donna said...

Sorry about your hearing!! And I like the chair...and the dog! LOL
Bet he's a Mama's baby!!

AndiePandie said...

I heard that blowing warm air in the ear (via hair dryer) helps the pain. I dunno if that works or not.

Hopefully it will clear up soon for you!

Special K said...

Jesus Christ, but this was a grody post! Ear jam, indeed. Ack!